Karma Fool

So Long, For Now

2005-04-27T19:50:00.000-07:00

Karma Fool is taking a indefinite blog break. Don't wait up.

What Would Charles Do? A Ten Year Haiku

2005-04-24T09:48:00.000-07:00

You were Buddha-like
Gentle, soft spoken, and kind
You are still teaching

Some Lawyer Myths are Not Myths

2005-04-23T10:11:00.000-07:00

I'm representing a business owner who just happens to be wealthy. The owner is being sued by a former employee based on allegations that are unfounded but not important here. Yesterday, the former employee's (the plaintiff's) attorney called me. The case has moved to the point where we either need to settle or else move into full-blown, no-holds-barred litigation mode.

During our conversation, the plaintiff's attorney says the following:

"My guy is a nobody. He has no job. No money. He's a pimple on your client's ass."

Apparently, the plaintiff's attorney intended his comment to impress upon me the vast socio-economic disparity between our respective clients so that I might (1) take pity on his client and/or (2) realize that my client can "afford" to settle the case without experiencing any economic hardship.

In fact, his comment did make me feel pity for his client--but only pity for the fact that the plaintiff is being represented by a greedy cretin who makes callous, disparaging remarks about his own client.

Hi There, No. 265

2005-04-19T20:18:00.000-07:00

Welcome, Joseph Ratzinger, er, Benedict XVI. I look forward to poking gentle fun (from now until your death) at your silly, superstitious beliefs.

I pray to my own nonexistent pagan god that you do a hell of a lot more than your predecessor to encourage people to protect themselves from sexually transmitted diseases by using contraceptives.

Every sperm is not sacred, my precocious Germanic friend.

I Like The Waltons

2005-04-16T22:02:00.000-07:00

Not many people (in fact no one) that I know would admit that they liked The Waltons. That's probably because not many people that I know did like The Waltons. It was slow. And it generally overly sentimental. But I still liked it.

And maybe that's why I enjoyed so much Gilead: A Novel, which won the 2005 Pulitzer Prize for fiction. It's slow and overly sentimental--just like The Waltons. But it's also incredible.

Notice how I did not ridicule the novel for its religious themes?

A Little House Cleaning

2005-04-16T15:20:00.000-07:00

I've made a couple modest changes to this Blog Site.

First, I eliminated my audio blog link. Audio blogging on Blogger is a cool idea, and it works well, but I just wasn't using it that often.

Second, I deleted my photo Blogger site and replaced it with this link to my photos on Flickr. I tried Flickr a few months ago. Hated it. And abandoned it. Then I recently read several articles singing Flickr's praises, tried it again, and decided I had been too hasty. It really is pretty cool. And free (unless you upgrade). I find that its fun to just glance through other people's photos--and the slide show feature (in which you can control the speed of the slides) is cool too. And I like the way Flickr is mostly free of pornish stuff.

"Bite Me, Amen": Redux

2005-04-11T19:59:00.000-07:00

I'm not one to tell you that I told you so . . . unless the opportunity to do so knocks.

Knock. Knock.

Last October, I blogged about my communion problem. Here's an excerpt:

Yes. Yes. I understand that it is just a metaphor. I know that the story goes that on the night that Judas betrayed him, Big J took a loaf of bread and said, "This is my body that is for you. Do this in remembrance of me" and that he took a cup and said "This cup is the new covenant in my blood." Yes. Yes. I know that the wheat gathered to bake a loaf of bread and the grapes smooshed to make wine are supposed to remind the faithful communion participants that they are one body in Christ and that the breaking and pouring "speak to" the hugeness of Christ's (or as Melvin Gibson says, "THE Christ") sacrifice for the forgiveness of us sinners. But these metaphor just makes it more, well, yeechy, don't they?

Eating human flesh. Drinking human blood. It seems a grisly way of remembering a loved one and receiving a make-believe god's "grace."

Well, just six months later, the United Kingdom's Telegraph online news source reports the following:

"Teachers are being told not to mention that Communion bread and wine represent the body and blood of Christ in case children get it in their heads that Christians are cannibals."

Of course, it would be better if the teachers were also instructed to properly instruct their charges that communion is silly superstitious nonsense. But it's a start.

This Just In: Green Tea Sucks

2005-04-08T19:26:00.000-07:00

I enjoy a good cup of coffee. Generally, I drink two cups a day. But ever since I learned of all the purported healthful benefits derived by drinking green tea, I also religiously (in the secular sense) drink one cup of green tea each day (except on weekends). I reveled in fact that my body was being fortified by green tea's antioxidant compounds, the so-called polyphenols. And the fact that I am still alive and writing this blog proves, beyond any doubt, that green tea makes one immortal.

The problem is that green tea tastes horrible. Really, really horrible. I have tried every brand from Bigelow green tea to Yogi green tea. True, some brands are somewhat less gross than others. But not substantially so.

So, inspired by the Pope's death, I have decided to sacrifice my immortality, and to quit imbibing this nasty leafy brew.

It's a good trade-off.

Obligatory Pope Thingy

2005-04-03T20:03:00.000-07:00

The Pope was wrong-headed on so many things that it would take far too long to list them all: abortion, birth control, the existence of a supernatural being, life after death, women's rights, same sex marriage . . . .

Suffice it to say that, notwithstanding the crippling and painful arthritis and the debilitating Parkinson's disease, I would have liked to have seen the old guy smile more often. It was admirable, though, the way he met with the man who shot him and offered his forgiveness. And it was also incredible the way that way he . . . no, I guess the forgiveness thing is about it.

Murder most Well-Intentioned

2005-03-31T19:25:00.000-08:00

There's something that I need to confess. Based on the title, you won't be surprised to learn it's M-U-R-D-E-R!

You see, when I was grade school kid in the Midwest, I learned from Star Trek (the orginal) that all life forms needed to be respected and protected. [Note: this was before the years that my dad took me hunting for pheasants and deer.] [And, no, I do not hunt anymore.] [And, yes, I felt guilty for shooting animals]. So as I would walk to and from school, I took great pride in the fact that I alone, among my band of friends, stopped frequently along the way to pluck worms from the sidewalk and toss them gently back into the lush lawns.

My worm-patrols took place after thunderstorms. So my assumption was that the worms had been washed by the rain from the safety of their earthen, miniature cave dwellings. I was pleased to remove them from the hazards of sidewalk foot traffic.

I don't know how old I was when I finally realized that the worms had, in fact, fled the wet, muddy grass to avoid drowning. How was I to know that by tossing the worms back into the wet grass I was dooming my spineless brothers and sisters to certain, watery doom?

There is a lot of worm blood on my hands.

If an Atheist Dies Alone in the Woods Does It Decay?

2005-03-28T21:37:00.000-08:00

One of the neat things about Buddhism, I think, is that it's goal (or one of the primary ones, anyway) is to live in such a manner that when you eventually croak you have just enough karma to complete your death--but no more. In this way, the "good" Buddhist avoids yet another re-birth and, thus, the various indignities of life.

Of course, the idea of reincarnation is silly and superstitious. But it is this very silliness that makes Buddhism so appealing for a fellow like me. Why? Because I know that reincarnation is impossible. Accordingly, I know that I will not be reborn. And, therefore, I know that without even really trying I will attain the ultimate Buddhist goal not of total enlightenment, but, instead, of total nothingness.

So I got that going for me.

The Physics of The Christ

2005-03-25T19:34:00.000-08:00

I just love Easter time.

Golly, but it's hard to believe that it's only been two thousand and five years since Jesus' stealth wife Mary Magdalene came to the cave tomb, found that the stone had been rolled away from the entrance and that Big J was missing, and came to the only reasonable conclusion (with the help of some friendly angels and a final cameo or two from Jesus himself): Jesus had risen from the dead.

And isn't keen the way God (or his angel lackeys) rolled the rock away from the cave entrance, rather than just sucking Christ's soul (or as Mel Gibson says, The Christ) right up through the rocky cave walls. That way Jesus' soul would not bump its head on the cave ceiling during its accent to heaven.

That God, he thinks of everything.

A Little Help Here, Please, Doctor

2005-03-24T14:16:00.000-08:00

The Terri Schiavo matter is a no-brainer.

The husband knows what his brain damaged wife's wishes would be, if she were able to think and communicate for herself. She placed a greater value on quality of life, and she would want her pathetic, artificial existence to end. Her parents have dragged this nightmare through the courts--and senselessly prolonged her miserable existence. The parents (who place greater value on quantity of life) have lost the legal battle. The feeding tube has properly (albeit belatedly) been removed. Period.

Bush and his right-to-life robots are all wrong. Period.

What is unfortunate, though, is that Ms. Schiavo must die unaided by the appropriate drugs which could kill her painlessly and immediately.

Alumnus Coughit Uptus

2005-03-21T21:17:00.000-08:00

I attended a state college in the Midwest. I paid a chunk of money to attend. I then attended a state college for graduate school in the Midwest. I borrowed a chunk of money to attend. I then attended a state college law school in the Midwest. And I borrowed a lot more money to attend.

These were not prestigious schools. Just state colleges. This was the Midwest, remember.

It's been about ten years since I escaped to the Northwest. But I'm still paying back graduate school and law school loans. Month after month. And I will be for many, many, many years.

I wanted an education. The colleges charged me for their services. I paid.

Transaction over?

No. The colleges continue to contact me. They call me a valuable alum. And they ask me to give them still more money.

Sorry, but no freakin' way. This is like me charging you to cut your grass. Then you pay me. Then I call you up ten years later, remind you what a great job I did cutting your grass, and ask you to pay me again.

Yeah right.

Hellish Job Redux

2005-03-20T22:47:00.000-08:00

On the way home from taking my two daughters to see the Robots cartoon movie today (which I enjoyed watching a lot, despite the shallow characters), I pulled the mini-van into the drive-up window at Arby's. As I am waiting to pay, my wife pointed out that a door was open inside the restaurant near the window. On the door were posted numerous hand scrawled notes--apparently placed there by the Arby's manager. Normally, the notes would not be visible to Arby's customers, but with the door open, the signs/notes were basically aimed right at the drive-up window.

My wife read one of the notes out load:

"There is a thief working here. One of you is stealing food. To put it bluntly, Arbys has a long history of prosecuting criminals. You are jeopardizing my bonus. And your raises. You will be caught. Stop It Now!!!"

How lovely it must be to not only suffer the stereotypical indignities of fast food restaurant employment (substandard wages, the classic "You want fries with that" joke, . . . .) but to also to work for a cretin who motivates workers by calling them thieves and threatening them with criminal prosecution.

Just lovely.

Even Worse Than Lawyering (or very nearly so)

2005-03-19T16:30:00.000-08:00

I've been known to whine to my wife about how mind-numbingly stultifying lawyer work can be. It's a lot of butt-sitting. It's a lot of listening to adults who are unable to get along with one another. It's often very dull work. But dull work that is cruelly tempered with ever looming deadlines and high money stakes. But things could be worse.

I ride my clunky old bike to work in the city. My route takes me along the waterfront, past a huge industrial complex whose workers' sole task, its seems to me, is to dismantle huge old metal ships. It looks absolutely hellish. I see these workers every day. They use blow torches to eat away at boat rivets. And everywhere is noise. Lots of noise. It looks like very dreary, very tiring, very grimy work.

The moral of this little tale?

Lawyering sucks.

But so does other work.

Once Again, I Must Apologize on Behalf of the USA

2005-03-13T21:13:00.000-08:00

It's difficult to fathom the extraordinary height of idiocy a parent must attain before bringing a handgun into a home with young children. But here in the United States, where the Gun Lobby is so powerful, it is an all to common occurrence.

Here's an article from today's edition of England's Telegraph newspaper. It's no wonder the rest of the world thinks we are gunning totting cretins. Indeed, many of us are just that.

What's The Point?

2005-03-12T17:08:00.000-08:00

I used to take comfort in the fact that while our world, and indeed everything everywhere, will someday become too cold and dark to sustain any form of life, at least our demise was far in the future--limited by a universal expansion of the cosmos that was, itself, limited the speed of light (a ploddingly slow, ponderous pace of merely 299,792,458 meters per second).

But I was wrong. Very wrong.

I'm reading Parallel Worlds: A Journey Through Creation, Higher Dimensions, and the Future of the Cosmos, and I've learned the Universe can (and is!) expanding faster than the speed of light.

Scientific American also explains this concept in a recent article.

This means that we are heading for the ultimate deep freeze very, very quickly. Sure it's still billions and billions of years away. But I was counting on it being billions and billions and billions of years away.

Bummer.

Hi. Would You Like to Purchase Brooklyn Bridge? A Haiku

2005-03-06T07:42:00.000-08:00

Shall you pray to God
Your head bowed down and yet
Nobody is home

SLUTZ

2005-03-01T19:19:00.000-08:00

I am so thankful that my 8 year old and 3 year old daughters are creeped out by the line of dolls called Bratz.

Look at them. They look like a bad stereotype of a coven of prostitutes. Why not just call them WHORZ?

Yes. Yes. I know. Some kids are always attracted to the toys that make their parents uncomfortable. But does that mean that parents have to purchase the things for their kids. These SLUTZ are the last type of role model that our daughters need.

Instead, I like these cute little dolls called Groovy Girls. Nice, friendly smiles.

Appropriate Punishment

2005-02-26T17:00:00.000-08:00

Speaking of creepy jag-offs, some creepy, evil, jag-off has kidnapped, and likely worse, a little girl in Florida. Of course, the perp is male. And likely a family member or "friend."

What should be done with the evil bastard when when he is captured. Death penalty? No. The death penalty is never appropriate--not even for the most vicious offenders. Instead, I think that the evil bastard should be imprisoned--until he dies. No parole. In short, he is away from society forever. No contact with the media either. This should not be a TV movie of the week.

Since these sort of sick individuals are driven by evil urges, it is unlikely that any punishment would serve as any sort of deterrent to other would-be offenders. Instead, the message for the rest of us, then, is to take whatever steps are necessary to protect our kids. The basic stuff: lock doors and windows. Don't let little ones play unsupervised. Oh, and let's get the names of all sex offenders on the Internet, along with their addresses, so we know if they are in our neighborhoods. An infringement on their privacy rights? Tough. They waive any right to privacy when they become predators.

The Buddha is One Creepy Jag-Off

2005-02-25T19:57:00.000-08:00

Of course, the reincarnation aspect of some Buddhist beliefs is just silly, superstitious nonsense. But I still appreciate a lot of things about Buddhism. In particular, I like its pragmatic focus on the transient nature of all things: youth, health, pain, bliss, and, ultimately, life.

But what I don't understand is the how there has been so little attention placed on the Buddha's dark side. The guy abandoned his wife and infant child to go off a seek "enlightenment". Not cool. Very creepy behavior.

What good is nirvana if its gained by hurting others?

Class Action Against Incompetent High School Counselors

2005-02-24T22:41:00.000-08:00

Please contact me if you are interested in joining a class action lawsuit that I would like to file against all high school counselors who have utterly failed to inform their youthful charges about the dreadfully dull reality of most employment.

I was the kind of student who was mostly bored by high school--and even undergraduate--curricula. But if my counselors had bothered to explain to me that most employment opportunities were even more dull--and would go on for a lifetime (literally)--I very likely would have come up with some halfway fulfilling way to make a living.

But that didn't happen.

Thus, law school.

And worse, law firm employment.

If you too have fallen victim to a dull, listless "career," maybe you should join my class action against the counselors who had a duty to protect us from our own mediocrity and the inevitably mediocre workaday lives in which we are trapped.

Delete this Word from Your Vocabulary

2005-02-23T20:45:00.000-08:00

I'm about as anti-censorship as one can be. I'm for free speech in all its forms. Especially those forms that make those in positions of absolute power uncomfortable.

That said, I am not a big fan of the word "niggardly." I'm reading an excellent book now called The Map the Changed the World. The book does a nice job of explaining why it is that I am so attracted to fossils.

My problem is that I was distracted today by the author's use of the word niggardly. Of course, the word immediately conjures the N word. But that's not the real problem. At least not exactly. The problem, I think, is that because it conjures the N word, it seems to somehow, on some bizarre level, become synonymous with the N word. But that's not quite it either. It's more that niggardly seems, somehow, to imply that its meaning ("petty in giving or spending") is somehow linked with qualities one would expect that a white supremacist would associate with black people. It's hard to articulate, but that's sort of the gist of my prblem with niggardly.

Oh, and niggardly is also a dated, pretentious-sounded word. Just use "stingy."

Murder Most Foul

2005-02-20T08:58:00.000-08:00

WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE

REWARD

The Lord, God

Alias: Yaweh. Has also identified self as "I am that I am."

God has been known to disguise himself as a burning bush.

God has used his powers to flood the earth in order to murder all life--including children, the unborn, and kittens. God is also wanted in connection with turning humans into pillars of salt, and arson related to raining down burning sulfur upon the sister cities Sodom and Gomorrah in the vicinity of the Dead Sea, which resulted in substantial injury, loss of life, and destruction of private property.

This fictional character is all-powerful and all-knowing, and should be considered very dangerous.