karmasisters

In the good round of karma

2013-10-14T17:09:00.001-07:00

It's thanksgiving and we are reminded to be thankful for everything that we have in our lives. It's my intention to practice gratitude everyday when I wake up, however the day starts and I run like a robot. When my father was alive, every thanksgiving we would circle the table and say one thing we were grateful for. This year during the hustle of a large family dinner, we missed the tradition. I felt the void, and decided to list the people and the things that I am grateful for. My list was very traditional; my daughters, my family and my friends. It got me thinking about all the people who I appreciate and never tell. I often wonder at a funeral if the deceased really knew how everyone felt about them. It was in this whole heartedness that I decided to be brave and send out the love. This is not an easy task, as it's very vulnerable to tell people how you feel about them. So I started texting, calling and emailing various people who have touched my life. Just a few sentences that I appreciate them and that I was grateful that they are part of my crazy world. What was suppose to be a 10 min project turned into two hours. It was an endless list of friends and family (if you are reading this and didn't get a text, I apologize.) The responses from those that I reached was overwhelming. The best part of the appreciation project was the return love. It is all the proof I need about karma. Good or bad, what goes around comes back around. It feels fantastic in the good round of karma. Happy Thanksgiving.

Careful with the Advice

2013-09-16T06:56:00.001-07:00

Careful with the Advice

Be Bigger

2013-08-12T09:20:00.001-07:00

Aug 12 2013

I really screwed up.

The next friendship rule in our series is Be Bigger. Bigger than girl drama, bigger than the differences we see in each other. It is so timely for me, because... I wasn't.

A while ago I found myself in the middle of two of my dearest friends. Both are extremely different women whose friendships mean a great deal to me, but I closed my eyes to a toxic situation that was unfolding because I wasn't strong enough to stand up when I should have. I chose the easy path of following one to the point of exclusion, which I knew meant hurting the other. Still, I went along with something that was wrong because it meant avoiding conflict, fitting in, and even denying there was an issue. I convinced myself that it was okay until I saw, this time from a slight distance, the pattern developing again. And then I felt sick.

I am not angry with anyone here other than myself. I allowed this. I was not true to myself. I sacrificed my own standards. I would be a hypocrite if I kept writing in this space without sharing what I am learning the hard way. I am incredibly grateful that even before I asked for it, the friend whom I hurt forgave me. She humbles me.

KS Friendship Rule #8: You can be bigger.

It's no coincidence that this is the song constantly looping in my head - it's precisely what I want to say.

- Penny

You can be amazing

You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug

You can be the outcast

Or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love

Or you can start speaking up

Nothing's gonna hurt you the way that words do

When they settle 'neath your skin

Kept on the inside and no sunlight

Sometimes a shadow wins

But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you

I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you

I wanna see you be brave

Everybody's been there,

Everybody's been stared down by the enemy

Fallen for the fear

And done some disappearing,

Bow down to the mighty

Don't run, stop holding your tongue

Maybe there's a way out of the cage where you live

Maybe one of these days you can let the light in

Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

And since your history of silence

Won't do you any good,

Did you think it would?

Let your words be anything but empty

Why don't you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you

I wanna see you be brave

Have Her Back

2013-07-29T07:33:00.001-07:00

KS Rule #7: Have her Back

(and sometimes that just means a good comeback)

We've all experienced the uncomfortable cocktail party moment of being confronted by that person in a social situation who feels no shame about asking an intrusive question... "So, how much did your house renos cost?"... " So, when are you two going to have kids?"... And, wait for it: "So, you're friends with ___. What's the story with her marriage these days?"

There it is. The acquaintance looking for the gossip on your gilrfriend. I HATE that and never quite know how to deal with it on the spot. Janet, Shelley and I have been talking about "magic words" to redirect these girl-code-violating conversations. It's so hard. But so important.

We discussed a few that I need to remember to try: Wow, where did that come from? or You know, I'm her close friend and I've never even asked her that. Or the direct It's really none of my business.

Below is what sparked discussion about this rule. What are some of your best magic words for this situation?

Penny

Support from a friend is something that we all need. We might not understand the circumstances around a decision that another person makes. However, can we recognize what works for someone else might not necessarily work for you, and leave it at that? Which leads to this question; How do you handle a situation where a very personal decision you have made is challenged by an acquaintance who has no interest in the decisions you make? Offering guidance to friends is an integral part of friendship, but it has to be wanted by the receiver (note to self, as I can offer advice when I should be listening). Is there a magic word or sentence to shut down what feels like judgment when the situation arrives? I have had some experience with this: getting divorced with four kids opened a window for nosy neighbours and so-called friends to lay on the Dear Abby advice. I soon learned to change the subject quickly, as I often felt like I was being attacked. I had a few zingers up my sleeve; my harshest was, "Can you tell me how it affects you"? It was blunt and to the point, and I typically never heard from those people again, which was ok, as I don't need friends who judge me. My favourite, softer version: "I am not prepared to talk about this now. How is your summer?." This always sent a clear message that it wasn't the time or the place to bring up the subject, and rarely did I hear any other thoughts on my life decisions once I set that guideline. We can all use more compassion and understanding, let's let the judgment go. On my very last footstep on this earth, I will look back and know it was my life, and my experience.

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you'll be criticized anyway." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Janet

Friendship rule #6- Be generous.

2013-07-16T09:21:00.001-07:00

Be Generous...

Jul 14 2013

KS Friendship Rule #6: Be Generous with your Praise

When we started discussing Karmasister friendship rules, we really wanted to get at the roots of the dynamic of our group simply because of its easy (and shocking to many) harmony. One thing we noticed is that all of the favourite girls in our lives make an effort to "pump each other up" (thank you Laura for the phrase). No one is shy to point out another's stunning new bangs, dewy skin, or lights-out golf game. Sometimes over wine there are side conversations about how polite someone's child was when she wasn't around, or how graciously she faced a challenging situation. When a friend looks in your eyes and pays you a genuine compliment, it means so much.

I maintain that the essential factor in being able to dole out authentic praise is a certain comfort level within our own skin. If we hold on to insecurity, then competitiveness and comparison take over and don't allow us to share in our friend's light as she shines. Of course, it takes awhile to get to that point. Finding your group - girls who can be happy for your success - can be a long road. As we've said before, theReal Housewives shows do such a disservice to the picture of female friendship. It's a shame that women buy into that model of drama and toxicity. Because it feels so fantastic to walk into a room of friends and know that there is embracing over comparing, and celebrating over competing.

Penny

Stampede Rules for Girlfriends

2013-07-08T10:42:00.001-07:00

Stampede Rules for Girlfriends

Jul 08 2013

1. Girlfriends won't let you leave your house with a handkerchief on as a top. It wasn't designed to cover the front of your body, and it doesn't. Put it on your head, or in your pocket, and cover the girls and midriff. It's Stampede week in Calgary and it got the girls talking about friendship rules that might apply for this annual July mayhem. For you readers outside of Alberta, it is a wild ten day ride of beer-drinking, saloon-hopping, two-stepping madness. To avoid waking up to those unfriendly companions we call the Regret and Remorse Sisters, it's important this week to be diligent with our friends. We discussed a few rules that help each other get through Stampede safely without discovering that any of our antics have become viral internet sensations.

2. Don't fall for the 'save a horse, ride a cowboy' line. Horses carry people. Enough said.

3. Daisy Dukes are just not for everyone. If more is hanging out the bottom than covered up, you need bigger bottoms.

4. Miniskirts and mechanical bulls..... Not a match. Don't let a friend do it no matter how much she wants to.

5. Never leave a girlfriend behind. After 1:00 AM it's nearly impossible to get a cab, and it's an ugly rodeo out there. Stay together or leave together.

6. A "few" shots are never a good idea. Especially after a long shift in the sun at the beer gardens.

7. No posting to any social media after two drinks. Just stop each other.

8. "It's not cheating, it's stampeding" is really not a clause in marriage or relationships. (Yes, out-of-towners... this one is used. Too often.)

9. No matter how cute that cowboy seems, don't let your girlfriend give him her real email address. Cell phone number is a stretch.

10. Friends don't let friends drive drunk. Or hop in with a drunk behind the wheel. We wish it didn't have to be said but just promise yourself you won't.

Have fun stampeding and stick together out there! Yahoo, sisters!

Taking turns... getting personal

2013-06-24T08:11:00.001-07:00

Taking turns... getting personal

Take Your Turn

2013-06-17T07:18:00.001-07:00

Take Your Turn

Rule #1: You Show Up

2013-04-29T08:02:00.001-07:00

Last week we attended the KS April Event: Taste the World Calgary,a fundraiser for the Angkor Hospital for Children. Karmasisters were out in full force enjoying the libations and mingling with the large group that gathered. As I roamed around the room bumping into old and new friends, I asked how they heard about TTW and I heard the same theme over and over: they came for Dr. Matt. As I mentioned inthis post, Matt is always generous with his time and freely shares emergency room advice when anyone has a sick child or medical dilemma. No one could turn down the request for help on his project. Yes, it was a fantastic cause, but the bigger draw was supporting someone who knows how to be a good friend.

The girls and I have been discussing what it takes to nurture truly great friendships and what the karmasister rules of friendship are. My #1 rule for friendship is: you show up. I looked around and felt the love of so many of my friends who came out to this event to support Karmasisters, even those who aren’t tied to Dr. Matt or this particular cause. Matt and Kim put the request out to their circle, I spread it to mine, and they came. That’s friendship, and I am fortunate. This fundraiser was held on a Wednesday night, and many of us could have found very valid reasons not to attend. Life is busy. But when girls make a friend's moment a priority in their busy week, I know they are following the rule: you show up for a friend.

Janet

KS Event Fallout: A True Story

2013-03-04T06:46:00.001-08:00

KS Event Fallout: A True Story

Bare Trees

2013-01-16T08:27:00.001-08:00

It's January. As if to counteract the scant daylight and barren landscape, we're bombarded each year by peppy phrases:

New beginnings! Fresh starts! Cleansing and purging to reveal the sparkliest version of myself!

Sometimes that all feels inspirational; the push we need to make a change.

But yesterday when the three of us sat down for our first KS meeting of the new year, the mood was different. Talk of new! and bright! andfresh! applies to laundry soap, not our current state of mind. In our circle of friends, we are looking into too many faces of grief today. This is a week of funerals and anniversaries for lives ended much too soon. A nine year old girl. A five year old boy. A beloved husband. A brother. Our hearts are heavy.

So what do we do with our bundle of sadness? How do we actually change the energy into something good? Well truthfully, I don't know any more than you do. But what I have learned from Janet and her yogi brain is that if we draw from something great (that would be...ourselves), we can sometimes branch out from there to those around us, redirecting and building good energy and... yes, karma.

So this week Janet's homework for the three of us is to come back to her with words, sayings, people, ideas, whatever - that just give us pause. Perhaps even give us chills. Because she has a big idea brewing. Huge. As we continue to work on the ever-evolving face of Karmasisters, you'll see what we are working on in 2013. We do hope you like it.

Do something crazy today: add your voice too. What word or phrase resonates with you, right now?

I'll share mine first. As we are starved for light and lightness, I retreat to my favourite lines from Anthem, a Leonard Cohen poem that hangs in my hallway:

Forget your perfect offering

There is a crack in everything

That's how the light gets in.

Here we go. Come along. Our winter tree is bare and we need your energy for it to grow into spring.

Penny

First-World Problems in a Third-World Country

2012-11-21T08:36:00.001-08:00

I just returned home from Nicaragua and I'm immediately feeling like I want to go back to my quiet fishing village. The greatest pleasure in traveling to other countries is embracing the way other people live. Here is what I learned...

Roads: Unless you have a truck, motorcycle or a horse don't bother heading onto the road. The bigger vehicle owns the road, and motorcycles are the most efficient form of transportation. If you own a truck, be prepared for unexpected passengers. An open truck bed is an invitation to a free ride.

Power & water: Sometimes there is no power. You get up with the sun and go to bed with the moon. A hot shower is like a gift from God; be thankful the water is clean.

Food: Variety is not important. You eat what is local and fresh. If you are looking for a culinary experience with an iron chef, the end of a dirt road is not where you are going to find it.

Efficiency: When I first arrived I was always processing how staff could be serving my needs more efficiently. I had questions like why are they not multi-tasking? They don't cause they don't have to. This lesson I should take home.

Housing: We were in a small fishing village on a dead end road. Until 5 years ago the residents never saw a tourist. Nicaraguans fish in the morning and find a hammock in the afternoon out of the hot sun. A simple life that that makes our work/life balance seem completely ridiculous. Westerners are starting to buy property around the area and building million-dollar homes. They all sit empty. They are back here, working to pay for their beachfront homes to get 14 days of relaxation a year. When this is explained to the fisherman on the hammock he thinks we are all loco.

Bugs: A conversation started with our favorite Nicarguan, Juan Carlos, about the bugs. He only had one comment. "You do know you are in the jungle?" End of conversation.

I spent one day living in a hammock by the sea looking at the sky. Not one plane flew over, no cruise ships or ski boats in the water. There is nowhere to go, nothing to buy and the only sight to see was the beach. We have much to learn back here in our first-world nation; this corner of the world is doing something right.

It was me. I stole it.

2012-09-26T07:01:00.001-07:00

I stole something last week. Yes, I admit it. I am accepting my karma. Now before you get all judgy on me (please refer to the KS pledge), let me explain.

I stole a day. I know, it sounds crazy to steal a day but last Tuesday I just took off West to the mountains with my dog. I cancelled all of my appointments (with full disclosure about my irresponsible behavior) and blew off two webinars (which I later found out that I can watch at my leisure). The forecast was for a temp of 27c. It's the start of fall in the mountains. Gorgeous.

I needed this day. I looked around my room, covered in books on social media, business and self help. How could I be taking myself so seriously? I am always preaching about living life, being in the moment and living with passion. So, I called my own bluff. Leaving the city felt like I was skipping school. Tuesday morning and here I was, playing hooky. The weather was spectacular, the foliage in the woods was breathtaking and I was free from WiFi.

Now, looking back on any given weekday I can't remember what I did unless I peek at my calendar. But Tuesday, September 18th I will always remember: a perfect fall day.

Friday Funny: Nailed It

2012-09-14T07:29:00.001-07:00

Friday Funny: Nailed It

Help for the Rookie Car Shopper

2012-09-12T16:38:00.001-07:00

Help for the Rookie Car Shopper

KS Philosophy 101

2012-09-06T06:32:00.001-07:00

KS Philosophy 101

being hit by the karma bus

2012-08-29T07:19:00.001-07:00

This week, I was hit by the Karma Bus. We have all heard it said about friendship that to have great friends, you need to know how to be one. Well, when this bus hit me the doors opened up and it was full of people ready to help. The situation I was stuck in was really quite minor (a first-world problem): car trouble and a daughter who needed to be picked up. One of my friends, Lorraine, brought the booster cables but both cars refused to start. My nephew Justin arrived to make sure we "girls" were not confused about the workings under the car hood; neither engine still would not turn over. I had an offer from Shelley to be driven anywhere I needed to go, and Kathy texted me, offering to lend me her vehicle.

I am mother to four busy children in a sprawling city; it is not optional to manage them without a mode of transportation other than my bike. When Kathy made her offer, she was in the middle of an appointment at the hairdresser, with two of her children in tow. She left the salon with color in her hair, loaded the kids into their carseats and with an appropriate cape on her back, heroically delivered me to my new ride (shiny, white and heavily horsepowered). That is friendship. When we show up for our friends it creates all kinds of opportunities in the future for them to show up for us. It's like putting chips in your Karma Bank.

I loved being hit by this Karma Bus.

Janet

Passing kindness forward

2012-08-15T06:19:00.001-07:00

Passing kindness forward

Weekly Wrap-up: Olympic Edition

2012-08-10T07:19:00.001-07:00

Weekly Wrap-up: Olympic Edition

Summertime to-do Update

2012-07-25T09:03:00.001-07:00

Greetings from Penticton, sisters!

Last week I posted that summer and I were going to rumble. And we have. I packed up the car, filled it to the roof with coolers, a trashy novel (no, not 50 Shades of Grey), luggage and kids and headed down the highway on a quest for summertime fun.

The great thing about traveling in a car with no agenda and no desire for a time record was that we could stop when we wanted to and we did, creating memories as we moseyed. We took pictures in the mountains and lunched by a lake. Having four daughters is an excuse for me to be a child again and I take full advantage of it. Every year we pass by a B.C. attraction called the Enchanted Forest. I've always wanted to stop but never fit it into the schedule, so this year it made the list. As we approached the sign, I became more excited while the older girls groaned. Really, who wouldn't want to wander through an enchanted forest filled with creepy garden gnomes?

Six days in, I have finished my allotted trashy novel, climbed a rock wall, raced in go-karts, jumped on a spider mat, owned the mini golf course, swum late at night in the pool and jumped in the lake. I still have the ghost town and the log barn to cross off before we head home. Here I am, steadily knocking off my summertime to do's.

Lemonade Stand Karma

2012-07-19T07:18:00.001-07:00

Lemonade Stand Karma

Tuesday Inspiration: Haley

2012-07-10T06:52:00.001-07:00

Tuesday Inspiration: Haley

Monday's summer nightmare

2012-07-09T06:48:00.001-07:00

Monday's summer nightmare

Finding peace

2012-07-04T06:49:00.001-07:00

Finding peace

Always dance in your kitchen

2012-07-02T07:46:00.000-07:00

Why is it so hard for us to ask for help? And when we manage to ask, why do we feel guilty?

Recently one of our beloved sisters found her voice, found her feet, and found a sweet little space of her own with something she's always wanted: a kitchen where she would dance. Nobody could put her there until she was ready; but when that moment came, the Sisterhood sprung into action in a flurry of painting, cleaning, lending, and most of all, supporting. It was a beautiful thing. In the wee hours of Saturday morning we danced that kitchen for all its worth.

Because the truth is that girls actually do like to help. We like to feel needed in tough times, and we like to be part of a celebration in good times. We can't do it all ourselves, and when we have taken the time to create and nurture a group of friends, we don't have to.

When did you go through a trial or tribulation where your sisters were there for you?