Kasten 1040

America

2010-09-07T14:01:00.000-07:00

do you have to worry if you will get to eat today?
do you know if your child will be able to learn to read?
are you able to vote?
do you wonder if men will come to your door and ask you for money when you tell them you have none kill your son?

Americans still have it good

- proud American soldier

Unfolding Future

2010-02-12T03:46:00.000-08:00

It seems like some moments have more significance on what will happen in the future. Over the last few weeks I’ve seen situations seemingly normal situations have a reverb that will last a long time. Over a year ago I decided to go into a recruiter’s office. I was depressed and needed some hope. It seemed to fit really well with my situation so I stuck with it. I eventually signed the papers sending me 6yrs into the future with the military making decisions on my behalf. Some look it at it as a joke, but others are proud of the service. Reserves not really a full time job but seems like a good start to a new beginning. 37f is one of many new words I have picked up while being around the military. It is the number for psychological operations division of the military. They are an airborne unit and they are smart people, which sounded rather exciting at the time. Knowing the context of person can give many clues to what they are experiencing. I warm up to people, meaning I don’t think I know what I’m doing in interactions with people, but I do just fine and maybe a little slow. I do not know the cause for my confusion about how to choose and ask to do what I want. It became rather clear that what I really want is to be a chaplain assistant. It’s just who I am. I was open with the people in 301st Psyop unit speaking about my desire to be a chaplain assistant, and they encouraged me to not pass up something that I’m specially fitted for. I begun to see how I would not do the things that needed to be done to ask for what I want in life. I began the process of moving my job in the military, not always an easy task. I took a typing course which was why they didn’t want me in the first place. That was three months taking the course finishing it with a B. The stress was mounting, if I lived in a warm climate id be starting to sweat. February 16 was approaching fast as I was waiting for the transcripts from the class. SGT WASH one of the best recruiter’s I’ve met during this experience found a place for me to go. At this place a woman with foul language looks at a computer screen deciding my fate with clicks of her mouse. One page and one no answer; second page, second no answer, my life was unfolding before my very eyes. Would I be in boot camp within the week or would all that change. Third page they found a spot for me. Still there is more waiting that I’m waiting for. Paperwork, somewhere someone must sign off on it and accept my request. I’m happy though, I’ve tried. Maybe it’s too late I could of done with more time. If they deny my request I could just leave the military because I’m not really in it yet. I’d be backing away from something that would take care of me; right now I’m spiraling toward homelessness. The clock ticks on with three more days to wait and three more days to ask my self, how is the future unfolding for me today? It unfolds every day with another decision that could change what happens in the next six years. Today I was told they put my flight back until Wednesday so I could still ship out but give the time needed for the possible job change. I’m thinking it might be too late, too late to wake up from a slumber. The suspense, the anticipation, and the anxiousness of heart unfold like a deck of cards one at a time. I see three outcomes that might show up. One, I become a chaplains assistant on Tuesday. Two, I go to bootcamp as a psyop soldier on Wednesday. Three, I leave the military and then return to it later to get the chaplain assistant position. I’m not sure how risky the third one is, but the second one I thinking to my self that I don’t need the army to be a man. Three days, the anticipation is exciting. Every day is a test, a test of hope. Where will I go look to for it.

Pictures Speak

2010-01-19T23:07:00.000-08:00

55!

2009-12-15T13:58:00.000-08:00

55 sits up today in 2min

Muscle

2009-10-23T01:57:00.000-07:00

Apparently working out too much can hurt.
found out what the rotator cuff is - shoulder muscles
So my rotator cuff was really soar - took a week off of push-ups
easyin back into it -

pusups- down to 30
sit ups- not sure
2 mile run- im sure i could do a 14min

amazing what exercise can do for how you feel

Different World

2009-10-23T01:23:00.000-07:00

the smell of oil, grease and cigarettes were going through my nose as I listened to two men of war tell their stories. Post traumatic stress meetings, starting the car without getting inside and getting shot by a sniper at a checkpoint with a bullet proof vest on. What is the mind of a warrior? burdened yet determined. Surrounded by a crowd, if any one of them had weapon they would be dead. Story after story. I wonder, where is my place in all this?

heard another story and had to express it

I went out into the wood.
didn't come back the same
Never to return
for what I've seen
I saw blood cover his face.
changed forever
for what I've seen
How can I believe in God
for what I've seen.
Just believe? you gotta be kidding?
They're young and dying out there in the wood
I have to be with them
for what I've seen

I want to weep without words
for my heart hurts with you.

If He can see what you see without turning His face
Then He can hear what you have to say.
Go to him with what you have
then listen,
for perhaps he'll answer you.
He's listening, answering those who call out his name.
Then your belief will be supernatural and true.
Personal

2009-09-23T22:52:00.000-07:00

progress is slower than I thought but progress non the less

push ups : 35
sit ups : 40

havent found a job in the last 2months - not sure whats going on - maybe i should have higher goals than just a job to pay the bills - but isnt that whats the army is for - anyways need to make rent so i can forge foward for another month and see what happens - i think im realizing what hard work is

pumping up

2009-09-07T15:42:00.000-07:00

as of today

push ups - 30
sit ups - 35
2 mile run - 16min

try and blog my progress

2009-09-07T15:18:00.000-07:00

everyone thought i was an adult
but i was just a kid
looking for someone to take me in
can a man enter a second time into his mothers womb
and be born again?
the ship has sailed
the search has ended
im born again to the father in heaven

the love of others propels me forward
but doesn't satisfy my soul.
friends say goodbye but jesus says hello.
out of the heart comes evil thoughts
into the heart- he must go

my heart pounds with pain
knowing i've been shamed
but the word from heaven
says i've been sustained.
the lips are close but the heart is far away

wait and listen
freedom is alive and waiting.
hear and understand,
in returning and rest is your salvation
in quietness and trust is your strength

2009-08-24T23:07:00.000-07:00

had an interesting day today - there is some discipleship material floating around the church where one person disciples someone and then at the same time going over with another person kinda cool my mom is like the pro in the church
i started to go through this with my dad and i always have odd feelings- probably because i dont like to be with him sometimes
but through forgiveness of christ ive traversed the line and see a different side to him - today he went through the material teaching me about a relationship with christ - my mind jumps between this is nice conversing about these things and now? these things surface ive could of used this information when i was younger -but better late then never .the grace of god is wonderful, what a blessing to know that christ has truely died so we can be with god

now some
contradicting korea pictures

was nice

ARMY

2009-07-03T00:54:00.001-07:00

I joined the US Army Reserves on Tuesday April 30th.
For the next 6yrs this will be apart of my life. With this I feel like I will be accomplishing a lifetime goal I never knew I had. Whats life if your not risking it that's my motto, but im a depressed adrenaline junkie. I realized lately that I have habit of inappropriately joking about myself. If I were standing on a stage making people laugh about how im a depressed skinny guy it would totally be appropriate, funny how that works. Thats a short update....

2009-05-01T22:07:00.000-07:00

2009-03-04T22:03:00.000-08:00

Everyone has seen quotes of famous people that many people say. So I thought it would be cool to try come up with my own. So this is

'Quotes for when I die'

"Everyone is born, then spend the rest of their lives healing from the shock of
reality"

"People kill each other, think about that for awhile."

"Sometimes I think im cool, then I realize im just hangin with cool people."

"Finding something to live for is less important than finding something to die for."

"In the extreme, truth is found."

"I can't make dirt"

"90% of what i think is full of crap, that's why i only verbalize ten percent."

my friend howard has some good quotes here is a sampler

"im all about shake and bake" (not an exact quote)

"everyone can be great, because everyone can serve" MLK jr - ill keep working at it

update

2009-03-04T20:03:00.000-08:00

hey i haven't posted in a long time so i thought i would.. post
it has been an interesting road lately that I think im getting a clearer picture of. I started to lose things over the last 3-4 months that has been different from the previous months/years.
My video camera was stolen/lost, i no longer new what i was going to be doing when i was not going on the 2yr mission, my hard drive crashed with alot of my pictures,music,video and i lost my picture camera. Many things close to my soul.
I think it has been God teaching me to follow him step by step and not rely on things,relationships,or plans
some scripture that has come with that is about Moses, when Gods asks him what he has in hand and then asks him to throw it down and it turns into a snake. Also Jesus said he is the Vine and we are the branches. Im often tempted to look like im following God to others, an appearance. Very cool to know God is there in control.

take break, read the bible - its like a really long movie

how i spent my new years eve

2009-01-02T17:03:00.000-08:00

tanacious

2008-12-28T20:40:00.000-08:00

persistent in maintaining, adhering to, or seeking something valued or desired
describes rugby, players move small amounts to score points
it looks like it would be fun to play, your never running that fast so your not going to get hurt as much compared to football.
speaking of tenacity, the man who introduced me this sport. rugby is in his vains, evident in his tenacity for the Lord and his stature. please to know him

they do this cool jumping thing

2008-12-04T00:24:00.000-08:00

...whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.

family

2008-11-27T18:00:00.000-08:00

I tried to get in the photo also, didn't work out so well.
sisters cool earing.

All My Sons

2008-10-16T02:33:00.000-07:00

A good review for Calbaptist's All My Sons and according to Mark Wyatt, "powerful"(an off the record overheard quote). The Theater Department at California Baptist University has moved into a new age. Right away this can be seen in the set which is well done and brings the story alive as the actors unveil the story. Lee and Krista are bringing some amazing things to the program there. They add in talented students and stories arise with purpose. Krista began the show by talking about the content of the show, prefacing how there may be parts of the show that could be difficult. More importantly the story can move from being harmful to having a purpose. And that is what she focused in on about Joe and the other characters lives and how their purposes impacted their lives.
In todays world the language of the masses is stories but it seems as though it is hard to find meaning in the many stories that pass by not knowing what they are saying about life. I'm not saying every movie we watch should have some like note of preface but maybe this what stories are for, that their purpose is to have purpose. So we can find it helpful to know this as to not be harmed by random interactions without any thought of what were seeing. I think especially for children to know its not just harmless fun which is something the next generation needs to defend themselves. It is great to see that they are building this into the program.

compromise

2008-10-10T02:31:00.000-07:00

to expose or make vulnerable to danger, suspicion, scandal, etc.; jeopardize: a military oversight that compromised the nation's defenses.

indecisive : characterized by indecision, as persons; irresolute; undecided.

these are two things that would not go well with an uncompromising faith that has a decided stance

two things i have in my character

i think they express themselves moreover in my relationships

i compromise my likes and dislikes for others dislikes and likes.

thats not making decisions but being in an undecided state.

following Christ requires a decided position - in those places where there is no decision for example on whether not to love someone then the decisiveness of the truth of Christ gets compromised

that is something i learned about myself: i am tempted to put people above christ

when moses struck the rock instead of speaking to it in Numbers 20 the Lord said " Because you have not believed Me, to treat Me as holy in the sight of the sons of Israel, therefore you shall not bring this assembly into the land which I have given them" somewhere along the line they(addressed to Aaron also) thought they knew what they were doing... they did get the water.
God is so holy that even in our best moments of knowing what to do we still need to go to him
there is more to holiness than i have seen and thought about before

my ending thought is there may be smaller things in life that compromise belief in a Holy God

dowtown sd

2008-10-03T19:55:00.001-07:00

this is where i got a part time job working as a parking attendent
its sort of a historic hotel building in san diego now is a condo , so i am a service to the rich parking their lexus mercedis bmws kinda cool since i will probally never own a luxurous car.. i think the one i like the most is an audi. could get boring but its only for 3 days a week

andrew

2008-09-30T17:01:00.000-07:00

got a job

DINOSAURS

2008-09-24T17:37:00.001-07:00

Dinosaurs, only 45min from riverside off the ten freeway. I remember a few movies with these things in them and decided to go check em out. There was always something surreal about those scenes, an oddity forming from the ground in the middle of the desert.
These are made out of concrete, who knew. I didn't and now you do.
looks kind of sad

why san diego rocks

2008-09-08T16:37:00.000-07:00

no go joe

2008-09-07T22:01:00.000-07:00

hey everyone, I will not be doing journeyman. I apologize and thank you for everyone who had me in their thoughts and prayers. Yes, I am currently unemployed and will not be getting married anytime soon.