Kate's Life Through the Lens

Three Years Blogging

2012-05-24T08:00:00.000-04:00

Wow, it's been a whole THREE years.

Cool.

I got nuttin' ;)

Repurposing Old Shelves

2012-05-23T08:00:00.000-04:00

I wanted to organize our little space next to the front door. I found a bunch of great ideas on Pinterest, but I wasn't interested in buying more storage items to re-do the area. All we had at the start were hanging hooks on the wall. I went into my closet and took out a shelving unit and a shoe unit, both of which were white. They looked too bright for the space, as everything in our home is in or near earthy tones. So, after a week of looking at the white units, I decided to try to spray paint them brown.

Voila! It worked for just under $8 and Chris is happy. He hated those white units for years and always begged me to get rid of them. Now, he actually thinks they are useful!

Now, I'm working on paring down our shoes so most, if not all, of them fit by the door. Then no more up and down in shoes and our house will stay cleaner!

Having a Baby? Buy Stamps.

2012-05-22T08:00:00.000-04:00

No really. Buy stamps. Buy lots and lots of stamps.

No one tells you how many cards you'll be writing from the baby shower until they are eighteen years old.

I never, in a million years, expected to see my UPS guy daily for weeks. Seriously, he even asks how the baby is doing. Yeah, we're such tight pals now. He was sad he didn't get a chance to drop off items all winter when I slowed my business down. He's definitely making up for lost time now!

We are so blessed to have gotten so many wonderful gifts from family and friends! We are truly amazed and thankful for everyone's kindness and generosity.

So, I say... forget buying baby items... get stamps and lots of 'em.

Maximus Turns One

2012-05-21T08:00:00.001-04:00

Max is so cute! I cannot believe it's been a year already since I photographed this little newborn. He is so active, fun and on the go. It was a pleasure to get out, chat with his mommy Dana and aunt Ashley while we played.

I love his little wispy blonde hair!

Bubbles were the love of the day.

Something for the Weekend

2012-05-18T08:00:00.001-04:00

It's great when you stop paying attention to everyone else.

My friend Megan Gray shared this, which is right up my alley: Sell your crap. Pay your debt. Do what you love. I'm so glad we've done this.

The Week is my most favorite magazine. It takes me a week to read it, but I get all the new from around the world in one shot. Right now, it's free in the Newsstand store for the iPad.

I no longer feel like this tree. I'm rebuilding and reinventing and feel awesome to be myself again.

Thankful Thursday | Back in Business

2012-05-17T08:00:00.000-04:00

I took a short two month hiatus from scheduling clients to spend time with Miles and get my body healed up! I am finally back in the swing of things, writing, shooting and meeting with clients. I've also updated my packages to reflect some new additions which I know you'll love.

Check out what I'm offering and if you need something more specific, definitely drop me a line :)

I am looking forward to a busy year with Miles, running, being an awesome wife, heading back to my school in the fall... and of course, photographing fabulous people.

This business has been such a highlight in my life and I'm glad to be back out there shooting this weekend. :D

Hope to see you soon!

This Librarian is not Going to Read Anymore...

2012-05-16T08:00:00.001-04:00

...articles, magazines, websites, blogs, etc. on parenting advice.

Anything I've come across is conflicting, not what I feel comfortable with or makes me resent parenthood. You know, I'm doing it all wrong.

The days I ignore the books, advice and guilt, I find I laugh, smile and play with Miles more. He's ahead of the game with his skills says the doctor due to my talking and playing with him. Cool.

Though, I'm a reader.

This is going to be difficult.

Maybe even harder then losing this baby weight.

I will just have to replace my reading times with episodes of Modern Family. Now that's a show to learn how to enjoy parenting. I laughed so hard this week with Lily at Disney!

The Office Ball

2012-05-15T08:00:00.000-04:00

So, here I am sitting on an exercise ball.

I'm a bit nutty as of late. Being home all day, I see that we have too much stuff. Chris would tell me otherwise, but I just like big open, neat spaces.

With that said, I put my office chair in the attic.

I'm trying something new. In addition to getting an ab workout every time I sit at my computer, it also limits my computer time. I used to spend hours behind the screen editing or fooling around online. Now, I get a bit tired after about an hour of super ab workouts. This makes sure I get up, walk around and spend more time with my baby boy!

It's working out pretty good. My ball fits under my desk, so I feel the room is a bit bigger and Bambi can't jump on my lap and keep me comfy to sit too long.

Why didn't I sell the chair?
Well, I loved the office chair. It's so darn comfortable and I know some day I might need it again. That day might be next week, who knows?!

Downsizing in an Upscale World

2012-05-14T08:00:00.001-04:00

I was a tween-ager when it all started. My aunt walked into my room and said it looked like a hotel room. Everything was so neat, clean, and basically empty looking. I felt a sense of calm, things were put away, nothing was on the dresser. She was right, it did look like a hotel room and I loved it.

When we moved out, I had a ton of things since my college years were filled with shopping. Chris brought a lot with him as well. We filled our bookshelves, bought lots of gizmos and furniture and filled our home with hand-me-downs. It was fun, but a bit overwhelming to look at.

In March 2011, I began a huge journey to de-clutter my house. I spent many hours, days and weeks removing items that we've collected. I proceeded to clean out every room in the house. We sold a bunch of things, traded-in items on Amazon, and donated mountains of "stuff".

I like to get rid of things.

Do I relapse into my past-shopper-self at times? Heck, yeah. I am definitely not perfect, but I always strive to pay mind to things and how much "space" they take up in my life and mind.

I think I get more excited to clean out my house than I do to go shopping! It's kind of weird, I don't expect anyone to understand. My mom says I'm crazy, especially when I was ruthless cleaning out her shed!

Things have gotten ahead of me though now that we have a baby. We've accumulated so many things that sometimes it seems overwhelming. I've done well to sort out and organize his items in order to not double up on too much or overbuy when I am skipping down the isles at Babies R' Us...that place is addictive. In the end though, we have more than I'd like to look at but I'm not going to worry too much about it.

What we have done through de-cluttering in the past year has been quite the feat and made us lighter and happier for it. I've felt really great every time I have a donation pile going. I'd rather someone else use the items than have them collect dust in my home.

There is more to get rid of, but it's a slow process. As I continue to remove, I am slower to replace. When I buy clothes or shoes, I get rid of an item. I have space for a lot more, but I'd rather make sure I use every piece I buy.

In the end, we decided to invest in better quality than before. I used to shop clearance and bring home way too much. Now, I choose carefully and decide how something will fit into our life. When we traded hundreds of dollars worth of books and electronics on Amazon, we spent the money on better quality kitchen items (blender, well made pans, etc).

As it turns out, we cook more from scratch having those better quality options and they've made a real difference.

My new motto: Quality over Quantity.

Something for the Weekend

2012-05-11T08:00:00.000-04:00

It's back, but I can't promise it'll be every week. I read a lot on my iPad now, so I don't get to my computer to neatly organize what I find around the internets. I do enjoy sharing though, so I'll do my best!

Number nine touched my heart from the 12 Truths You Should Know by Now.

The easiest way to make money online, and it's not what you think.

I'm a bit crazy about deciding on wants vs. needs. How about you?

Running Laughs is going to be my new stop for reading before a run.

Enjoy Chris' fresh baked bread!

Thankful Thursday | To Write or Not to Write

2012-05-10T08:00:00.000-04:00

Almost daily I question whether or not I want to write anymore. Maybe it's hormones, or maybe it's fear.

I love writing, but I wonder where the lines should be drawn.

I'm a rules person.

I give myself rules for what I can write in my blog, how often I should be writing, etc. I rarely let myself off the hook. Yet, these are my own self-imposed rules!

Does anyone care if I write Monday thru Friday or just Mon-Wed-Fri or just once a week? Not really.

I am sure all three of you enjoy my writing, which is what keeps me coming back. Someone reads, even if it's just my mom. ;)

Life is funny sometimes. Other times it's a hot mess. Writing helps me work through every event, take a moment to enjoy it and reflect or sort out the issue and clear my mind. If I can help someone in the process, awe-soooome-ness.

So, today, I'm thankful I decided to fight the fear and keep writing.

Tomorrow, I can't make any promises... but it's likely I'll be hanging around for awhile.

Say Hello to My Little Friend

2012-05-09T13:54:00.001-04:00

Re-read the top, in that accent. You know, that accent...

I used to own the Canon S90, but became very frustrated with it's slow shutter lag time between shots. I knew it wouldn't make me happy when we had children as a grab-n-go camera even though I loved the complete control it offered. So, I sold it last year.

Then I waited. And waited.

Poof! Miles appeared.

I still wasn't in love with the idea of point-n-shoots again, so I bought an insert for Miles' diaper bag to hold my mumbo jumbo Canon 5DM2. It was great, except I'm a weakling right now and his diaper bag plus car seat already weigh more than I feel like carrying. Good for the big family events, not so for daily outings.

Plus, I always get a lot of weird responses when I whip my hair back and forth.
Whoops, I mean whip my big camera out.

So, after a month of carrying around my dlsr, I decided to investigate point-n-shoots again. Bleh!

My first thought: get a cheapo one for a hundred bucks and toss it around.
My second thought: you'll hate those photos and they don't have any control or options, boo!
My third thought: do some research, check it out in the store and save up for the one you like.

Great! Thanks for the idea, Kate!

One of my new mantras is quality over quantity. So, I sold a bunch of items that were just sitting around my house (a Wii, games, CF cards, etc) to save up enough to get the point-n-shoot of my dreams.

I decided on the Canon S100. I read some great reviews and found it was supposed to be a lot faster than the S90-95 versions. So, then I went to the store, tested it out among a few others in contention and loved the speed. Wahoo, it lived up to my dreams!

So far, I'm loving this baby! It's super fast, recycles extremely well, works decent in low-light and is pretty sharp. It also comes with a bunch of silly built-in editing options which are fun to play with.

Most of all, it offers full manual control... I like to be in charge sometimes.

Okay, all of the time.

A lot of photos coming to the blog will be from the S100 since it's so simple to shoot, connect to my iPad and upload. I'll try to share when they are the S100 vs. the 5DM2 so you can see the difference, if there is much of one!

I'm also back to shooting primarily JPEG again. More on that in another post.

Gym Time

2012-05-06T10:59:00.001-04:00

He's starting to really enjoy his play time :)

Sleepy Bear

2012-05-02T11:46:00.001-04:00

Working' it Out

2012-05-01T17:57:00.001-04:00

This might be a better moment from today :) Finally, his eyes are open!

Moments with Miles

2012-05-01T15:35:00.001-04:00

I want to start sharing a few images from our days together, maybe even an image daily. We shall see! Here's a moment from today. Miles likes to sleep but he's not a quiet one!

On the Road Again

2012-04-30T08:00:00.000-04:00

Well, not really. I wish to be running again as I was this time last year. I believe around this week last year I had just completed a TEN miler on the weekend! It was glorious and I remember it like it was yesterday. Now, to get back to that routine is going to take some time, serious effort and lots of motivation. Are ya with me?

I kept up running through pregnancy, even if it diminished to once-a-week, until mid-December. I continued walking right through the day I gave birth, probably clocking about five miles that day alone! I have been trying to get in longer walks the last few weeks, but exhaustion does set-in. The most I've been able to do in one session is about three miles, and boy do I walk slow!

In the coming weeks I am going to start to lift weights again to build up my strength. Woot, woot! I bought a medicine ball... and I'm excited to use it. Yeah, I said that.

Then, I'm going to start on the Couch to 5K program to slowly return to running. I'll be honest, I'm a bit nervous that my uterus might fall out. Do you think my mother-in-law is right? ;)

I'm pumped, let's get these workouts started!

Adventures in Eating

2012-04-20T16:02:00.000-04:00

I previously mentioned that breast-feeding was a no-go with Miles. While that was upsetting, bottle-feeding has been no walk in the park. We have spent the first six weeks of his life experimenting with different bottles, nipples, formulas and everything in between. Feeding time has been no peaceful time for either of us, but we're getting our act together... albeit slowly.

I'm feeling like we are moving closer to the right solution when it comes to the perfect materials for this little picky eater! I guess I shouldn't feel so bad about not breast-feeding when it's not like he's taken to the bottle any better.

And to think, I was considering re-lactation! HA, I must really be a glutton for punishment. :D

As you can see below, we're currently working on the bottle that is prepped for his next feeding. Bottoms up Miles, let's knock back a few easy, okay?

Everything Old is New Again

2012-04-12T15:27:00.001-04:00

It's amazing how everything we learned growing up is all so new to a baby. So many little things pass us by daily, but I am looking forward to rediscovering the world with Miles as he grows.

Now, that doesn't mean I'm looking forward to those homework days again ;)

Let Me Explain.

2012-04-12T11:47:00.001-04:00

Before Miles came along I vowed to myself (and probably a few times on here) that I wouldn't change my blog to be a mommy blog. I swore up and down I wanted to keep things as they were, but you know what? As "they were"... included everything happening in my life. So, to leave out a huge part of our lives would just be silly!

I can't believe Miles is already one month old today. It's unreal how much has changed in our lives and overall, in my mind. I've learned so much about newborns and a lot more about myself. While I still feel sad (and blame myself way too much) about a few things not going as planned, I am learning to enjoy his cooing and sweet little smiles nonetheless.

We are so blessed to have such a content little man. He is a good sleeper, enjoys cuddling and also loves his alone time to explore the world. I'm not sure I've even heard him really "cry" yet, but maybe he's still learning to exercise those lungs! The biggest thing I am happy about is that he is eating well now. We had some struggles to get him nutrition, but he is thriving and growing fast! :)

So, I guess this blog will continue to be a mix of my life... including a big new journey. ;)

Now, if I could just remember all the ideas I have at 4am when he is eating... I'd be a millionaire!

Some Things Just aren't the End of the World

2012-04-03T15:41:00.000-04:00

We have the most content little guy imaginable, but he still wakes me every few hours at night and I'm not used to the interrupted sleep. As Chris would tell you, I never slept much before, why do I expect to now? Haha.

We've had some wins and losses with our original plans but I am thankful to say that Miles is doing well. He's growing so fast before my eyes. In just three short weeks, he's already grown out of clothes, is more awake, staring into my eyes and smiling. I'm sure that's just gas though!

This week, I'm so thankful my friend Liz shard this blog post with me: Some Things Just aren't the End of the World. Liz was able to exclusively breastfeed and I was not. Despite all of my efforts and days of round the clock feedings, breastfeeding just isn't what this guy wanted to happen. I still feel a lot of guilt and sadness that things didn't work out for us, but there is always another try with the next one some day... ;D

Miles' already taught me lesson numero uno:
It's no longer about what I want... it's all about his needs and desires.

And you know what? I'm okay with that. I just can't wait to take him out to play this summer!

Miles' Birth Story

2012-03-29T11:11:00.003-04:00

I am thrilled to share Miles' birth story with you. Maybe you'll find me to be insane or pretty awesome. Either way, no matter how you gave birth, if you're the birthing kind ;), just the fact that you did it is an amazing feat! I have such respect for all mommas, you are amazing people for bringing a new life into the world.

My original plan:
- natural unmedicated water birth in the hospital within one day ;)

The short reality:
- four days of insane prodromal labor
- sixteen hours working toward a natural unmedicated birth once in the hospital and succeeding!
- water was involved, but I wasn't able to give birth in it :(

Would I do it all over again? Absolutely (minus the four days prodromal).

Read on for the extended version... FYI it is a little detailed...

On Monday March 5th, I started to feel contractions. I wasn’t sure if they were Braxton Hicks or something more. They seemed to be slightly irregular and just felt like cramps. As the week wore on, I started to feel them more regularly, but not enough to time or worry about them.

By Wednesday, I was starting to get nervous because the cramps were coming more often, but they were bearable.

Into Thursday, I began to feel more pressure and discomfort. By Thursday evening, I was feeling contractions around 30 minutes apart. They were still bearable, but I had to stop at times to breathe through them or just stand still and rock. I thought I was going to go into full labor that night and got a little excited! The evening was rough, but I managed to get some sleep, maybe an hour or two.

On Friday, I woke up to contractions that were about 20 minutes apart and getting strong. I really had to rock my body to make it through. I felt so silly when we had my in-laws over for dinner, as I would just go to my happy place in my mind for sixty seconds, breathe, rock and then return to the present like nothing transpired. The look on my brother-in-law’s face was priceless when I’d come out of them, he was quite terrified.

As Friday night wore on, I was unable to sleep, lay down, stand for too long or get comfortable. I walked the house, we went for a walk outside and I just kept trying to keep them coming. They had to be at least 5 minutes apart for two hours before I was supposed to call my midwives.

That night my doula suggested I have a glass of wine and go to bed. I managed to get about three hours of sleep, if you want to call it that. When I woke up, the contractions were about five to ten minutes apart. I thought, this is it!! Yep, once I thought that, they bounced right back to 20 minutes and I was devastated. So close, yet so far. They were starting to become unbearable, I was ready to be done at that point.

All day Saturday I kept in touch with my doula. She suggested walking and a few other things to try to keep them coming and get them stronger. I was so scared, I was in more pain than I thought I could bear at that point, how on earth was I going to do this naturally?

By Saturday night, I was starting to seriously get upset. All of these hours, days and through all of this pain there was no sign of the end anywhere near.

My mom suggested I sleep in the glider and rock my body all night. That helped, but there is no way to explain how awful that night was. Every 8-10 minutes, sometimes even 4 minutes, I would feel this rush. Ah, I was so nervous, what was transition going to feel like?! Was I going to give birth in this chair?

Bambi kept walking in all night to check on me. When she came in, it did help me relax to know she was concerned about me.

Sunday morning finally came. Finally!!! I woke up, took a hot shower and timed my contractions again without telling Chris. Throughout the week, Chris was timing them on and off. Every time we’d start to time them, within a few minutes they’d slow down. I must have had performance anxiety when he was watching!

They were 3-4 minutes apart! I waited an hour, then called the midwives and my doula. I was in a world of hurt, nothing could soothe me. I was extremely exhausted, scared, nervous and confused. Was this how regular labor goes?

Apparently not, I was suffering from Prodromal Labor which I didn't learn more about until after all was said and done. My team knew that was what was happening... and I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy!

Prodromal labor is a slow labor process because there is either an emotional or positional issue stopping labor from progressing. Contractions come and get more intense, but they never actually do anything to move dilation along.

Here I thought, awesome... my body was prepping early! Nope, this was going to be a long ride...

That morning, I prayed that the midwife would finally let me go to the hospital. There was no way I was going to stay home any longer. She agreed and we made our way. On the way to the hospital, we had to drop Bambi off at my mom’s.

The car ride was the worst thing I have ever had to go through, I would rather cut off my arm without meds. I believe Chris was speeding to just get me there, but I had no concept of anything going on. I just kept reaching deep inside myself and kept breathing through it.

Once we arrived at the hospital, I was checked. I will probably say this a few times, but laying in a bed at that point and any time throughout labor was excruciating. I only laid down for them to check me, then I quickly got up. I would even push off the checks back through a few contractions just because I did not want to lay down!!

When I was checked, I was disappointed. I had only gotten to 2-3cm. I believe the nurse was being generous. There was question as to whether they were going to admit me, and I said I would walk the hospital floors if they weren’t going to. Anything not to have to go back into the car! :O

My midwife chose to admit me and said she’d be over later in the day. At this point, it was around 10am. I felt relieved in the few minutes of reality I had between contractions. We were put into a room and got settled in. Once settled, my doula instructed Chris on things to do to get me moving along.

We started out doing sifting. It’s a position where you are on all fours and Chris would take a cloth wrap around my belly and shake it vigorously to reposition the baby. Miles wasn’t positioned properly to descend and I was nervous, so two barriers had to be overcome otherwise interventions would be made.

After sifting, which felt amazing when not contracting, I went into the shower to work on a few other things to move it along. At this point, I won’t lie, I was in pain. I thought to myself, how on earth, how on earth was I going to continue. I questioned every ounce of my person. Chris fed me fruit pieces between contractions and I drank a ton of juice throughout the day.

My midwife let me stay in the shower for an hour and a half. Then she suggested we move, as the hot water would eventually have no effect and things could reverse. She wanted to check to see my progress. Oh no, I was at least getting some relief in the hot shower, I didn’t want to lay down! I put it off a few contractions before I had to go be checked and his heart was monitored for a few minutes. I wanted to knock someone out when they made me lay down!

For all you mommas who labor in bed, God BLESS YOU.

At this point, my doula couldn't physically help because of a knee problem and she called in a backup doula. The backup doula was in-training and I found out later I was her first natural birth experience. She was absolutely amazing!! She jumped right in and took turns with Chris pressing my hips together, massaging my back, and getting anything we needed.

Progress was made! I was at 7cm and that was the quickest my dilation ever moved. Unfortunately, Miles wasn’t moving down in station though. He was still right up top and chillin’. Hence, prodromal positional issues. I was effaced and dilating, but he wasn’t dropping down.

He was transverse, hanging out sideways not faced front or back for his head to drop. It was like he was a muscle man and his shoulders were too wide to fit through the door. He had to turn himself in order to drop and boy did I yell at him to turn!

By this time, I believe it was late afternoon. I was in another world, a world of hurt, pain, questioning and full of deep faith that this would not be forever. I complained so much that Chris started to laugh at me! I was heading into transition, which is what they say is the worst part of labor. It’s the last few centimeters of dilation, before the big push.

I walked the hallways of the hospital all day and evening when not using water. I really can’t recount when I did this, for how long or at what point. I just know I did laps for hours, stopping for each contraction for Chris to put pressure on my pelvis. He squeezed my hips so hard together, he was afraid he’d crack my pelvic bones. It was only a little relief, but enough to get through.

My goal from the morning was to have Miles before 7pm when the nurse who was helping went off duty. As that hour approached, I was going nowhere. He was still high, I was still in pain and only progressed to 8cm. I was getting aggravated, nervous and was extremely exhausted at this point. This little guy was really lazy!!

Once I was at 8cm, they brought me down to the laboring tub. You aren’t allowed to give birth in that tub, but you can labor there as much as you’d like. Just my luck, the birthing tub was broken and apparently had been for a few months. How ridiculous!

I remember laying in the laboring tub asking for a gun. I preferred they just shoot me and take the baby. I told Chris I was going to die and if they won’t shoot me, just cut me open and let me go home already.

Now, I had told Chris there would come a time I’d say I wouldn’t live through this. I warned him often about “transition” and said, when I tell you I’m dying, please remind me I’m almost finished. As I started to read myself my last rites, he laughed and said, "great, you're almost done now!"

Chris was a champ throughout the entire day, I couldn't have done it without him. He was encouraging, did whatever I asked, followed any suggestions and never left my side (well, I think a few times he ran out to update everyone in the waiting room and he said he watched sports on tv a bit).

So, it was now like 10pm. I started to feel an urge to push when in the tub, my doula said to push then. My midwife came in quickly and warned me to stop pushing and fight the pressure because things could get inflamed. Talk about contradictions!

She quickly got me out of the tub and said it was time to be checked again. Every time I was checked, they also monitored Miles' heart-rate. He was a champ, very healthy strong and perfect right until the last second! I was terrified of laying in that bed. When checked, I was holding steady at 9cm. Miles was still two stations too high. What the heck man?! This was like 10-12 hours into my hospital stay already, get this baby out!!

Finally, my midwife allowed me to start going with the urge to push. We moved to various positions within the hospital room to try to relax and get him to move down.

The nurse setup a squat bar setup on the bed for me to try. I did that for a little while, but then asked to move. I got off the bed and squatted that the end of the bed over the floor. I will never forget looking down to find my midwife lying sideways under the bed, watching from below. That is sheer dedication to your patient, to allow them to labor however they needed and you fit their mold. I know she wasn't happy to be on the floor, but she did her best to let me continue. Heck, I don't think she was happy all day about anything ;O

After about another hour of pushing, they suggested I get on the bed, lay down, wrap a sheet around the squat bar and pull myself up hard to push every contraction. The contractions were now coming so close together, I’m not sure if I even had a minute to catch my breath.

I pushed and pushed, but he wasn’t getting very far. At this point, it was 15 hours in and midnight.

My midwife looked at me and said, “You have one hour to try, otherwise we’ll need to go with another choice.” I knew exactly what that meant, a c-section. It was just enough to make me say, “Oh hell no, I didn’t come this damn far to stop now.”

I listened to their instructions, as painful as it was. They told me to wait for the contraction to build to the peak (there were no monitors, I had to listen to my body), then knock out 5 hard pushes. Before that point, I was pushing hard at the start of the contractions, to end up exhausting myself with 10 or more pushes per contraction and not fully using my power, whatever was left of it.

So, I listened and did exactly what I was told and they started saying, “Great job, I see his hair.” Chris kept saying, “He’s almost here, he’s almost here, I see his hair, Oh my God, Wow, Great job.” I pushed for another hour as hard as I could. My legs kept getting charlie horses and my arms were cramping. I was a goner if I couldn’t get him out. I did not want surgery!

Finally, there came a moment when my midwife said, give me a few more strong pushes, then stop pushing when I say so. I did so and he came out!! I stopped pushing and then she took his body out and put him right on my chest! He was so slippery and so heavy feeling. My body was completely spent and I was on cloud nine.

All the pain, exhaustion, fear, worry, and nerves dissipated. He was here, he was here!

There was a bunch more things to do down below, but we can leave that part out ;)

Then we invited everyone in who was waiting in the hallway. I found out later that they were all counting and saying "push, push" along with Chris in the delivery room, too funny. My mom had been there all 16 hours. Many other relatives were there for 8 hours or more, thinking this would all happen sooner. I didn’t want them to have to wait another second to meet Miles, so within minutes of birth I invited in both Grandmas and then about a half hour later everyone else was invited in for a few minutes.

Pictures were being taken, everyone asked his name and he was then all bundled up and Chris was holding him. I asked for my camera and I started to snap from my bed. You can see in the photo below on the clock, I was taking pictures within 45 minutes of meeting him! I’m that crazy!

So, then everyone left shortly thereafter and we had a few minutes to ourselves in the delivery room. We were just in awe. The day had ended, finally, we were both exhausted but completely in love.

Then, I got up out of bed, walked around slowly and got changed and walked myself down the hallway. We were put into an amazingly huge suite that we had hoped for when we saw it on the tour. I wonder if the nurses felt like I deserved it!

And each day since, I have healed a little more. I am glad I had the natural birth I wanted, although the tub would have been very nice... I could definitely do without the four days prior of prodromal labor! Chris and I feel like we learned so much from this experience that next time we have the "tools" to try to get things moving faster on our own, so we will definitely feel confident next time around.

I feel so much less pain, discomfort and my body is bouncing back nicely. My mind is also forgetting the details of the day and I just have a few mental images left. Amazing how all that works!

Mostly everyone who knows my story thinks I am completely insane for going through all of that with modern medicine available. At times, I question my own sanity. I proved to myself though that when I make a decision, I have the power to stick with it. I learned so much about myself that day and how strong I truly am. I also scared a lot of people, so I don't think anyone who was there that day will mess with me for awhile... ;D

It appears that the story of his life seems to be (so far) that I'm keeping up my end of the bargain... and he's not doing much to help me out :P

More on that later.

Miles James Nesi

2012-03-17T13:21:00.001-04:00

I never thought my heart could grow so much! I am completely in love with our son, Miles. He isn't even a week old yet, and I feel like we were made for each other. He is so content, easy going and the complete opposite of me, a worrier.

He's already changed me for the better. Since he arrived I have felt the most relaxed I've ever been in my entire life. I haven't had a moment of worry, even about him. I feel confident and happy that everything in the world is as it should be.

Without further ado, please meet the love of our life...

Miles James Nesi

Born March 12, 2012 at 1:03am

7 pounds 2 ounces and 21 inches long

Someone kept watch the entire time, even getting in my way a lot!

Who's a Yankees fan??

Yes, he's ready to go running!

Something for the Weekend

2012-03-02T08:00:00.000-05:00

I've been laughed at or joked about for years, but this is why I run, eat healthy and do my best to ignore peer pressure to indulge.

Although, don't ask me about indulgences this week. My menu has been full of milkshakes, cookies and everything under the sun. I'm carbo-loading for the marathon ahead, at least that's what I tell myself!

I take solace in the fact that every ounce of food has been homemade, down to the chocolate ice cream and even the syrup in my shakes. Not one item was bought whole! So, that makes it healthy right? :)

Before you grab that snack, can you help me off the ground? This photo was hard. Thanks...

People will think I'm weird.

2012-03-01T18:51:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I thought taking a break from writing would feel glorious. Want to know what I learned? I actually love writing. Since "taking a break" I've thought about several things I'd love to share. Writing also passes time nicely.

If there is any best time in life to "pass the time" I'd consider this one it. The days and weeks are dragging. I've got at least two weeks to go at work and who knows how many days after before we might meet this little guy. It could be another month, or it could be tomorrow!

Today I read about changing your life one small step at a time and overcoming the excuses we often use to stop ourselves. When I saw the excuse "people will think I'm weird" I laughed at myself. This is something I say allllllllllllll the time.

Upon further reflection, I realized that this is the first thought I have regarding any change in life. I always assess how others might think of me. Then I took notice that I usually push through that moment, or sometimes many moments, to end up doing what I want anyway.

I'm weird.
We're all weird.

Chris is used to me being weird, he even encourages it. My mom loves to joke about what I do, and I now enjoy freaking her out with new ideas. Seriously, it took her months to understand my running barefoot. I know my dad also appreciates my eccentricity from afar, considering how silly he was during his life. If you knew him, you'd know to check out which watch he was wearing. One of my favs, a watch that was like a car engine with pistons... totally cool.

As March continues, it will be four years to the day that my dad passed away. I am curious if that day will change shape with a new life, or if it will stay my dad's day and my little guy will create his very own moment. Only the above knows for sure.

At the end of the day, if you read this blog regularly, I do a lot of weird things. I look forward to continuing to embrace my weirdness and showing our son that being weird is definitely cool. I can't tell you how much I've worried about what other people think, do what I want, and then realize that others really love my weirdness and want to do the same things. They are just still trying to get past the thought, "people will think I'm weird." I love pushing people past that moment and watching them flourish!

I mean, I wear these shoes or run barefoot. Totally weird, right?

Embrace your weirdness, no one's watching you as much as you think they are.

And seriously, do you remember when it use to snow in the winter? Yeah, me neither.