“And oh how the years go by
And oh how the love brings tears to my eyes
All through the changes
The soul never dies
We fight, we laugh, we cry
As the years go by”

I heard this song the other day, and I thought it was so fitting. We spent Easter Sunday with my Dad and assorted family and as I stood on the back porch, the sun shining, kids playing in the yard, I just smiled. I saw my Dad, my uncle, aunt and cousins all laughing and happy, and I thought, “This is what it’s all about.” My husband and I lounged in the pool chairs, working on a tan, and joking how the kid decided to break in the pool a little early this year. Even though we ate too much and were exhausted by the time it was all said and done, we had a great day!

More and more I hear so many people struggling and going through difficult times. Every Sunday I hear prayer requests asking for jobs, financial blessings, healing, relief, hope. It’s heartbreaking to know there are so many hurting right now. All I can say is that God DOES answer prayers and it WILL get better. I’ve never been the most positive, optimistic person in the world, but God is great and he loves us all, so I have hope. I’m reminded every day that I am SO blessed and so fortunate. I get so frustrated when things don’t go my way, but then, God shows me that His way is far better.

I’m most thankful right now for my precious hubby; he’s my backbone and my nerve sometimes, then my best friend and shoulder to cry on other days. 13 years together and somehow we love each other more every day. I hope everyone can experience a relationship like that. I can’t say it’s been perfect or that we don’t fight and have our bad days. I’ll be honest: I’m the most EVIL morning person in the world. Thankfully, he figured that out and starts the coffee before my feet hit the floor. I’m just thankful that we both grew up and figured out how to love and appreciate each other. It may have taken a while, but we came around.

I guess my point is: have hope, pray, love, and hang on to the things that are really important and precious in life. It’s kind of like a ride: sometimes it’s scary, but in the end it’s fun and so worth it, throw up your hands, go with it and enjoy it while it lasts!

I am a charmingly deadly combination of an old-fashioned Southern sweetheart and a good Christian girl. Some of you ladies know exactly what I mean. Us Southern girls can charm the pants off just about anyone when it suits us, but we can also turn on you like a pit viper and really put you in your place. The Christian in me is trying really hard to hold my tongue and control my anger, but sometimes, it’s just tough. My mother and grandmamas taught me well: if you want anything, talk real slow and sweet and bat your eyes and ALWAYS say please, thank you, yes mam, or yes sir. Understand: that’s not meant to be manipulative, just sweet and well mannered, and shoot, it doesn’t hurt! Most times, I am totally that way.

Well, last week, my handsome hubby and I had a date. Not a real date sadly, a work/business type thing, but we made the best of it. I love hanging out with him and with 4 kids, we don’t have much couple time. I arranged for the kids to stay with Papa and Nana for the evening. We went downtown, did the business thing and then stopped for a quick dinner and had fun. After 13 years together, it’s great to know you married your best friend and that you have someone that could probably read your mind, and sometimes does. Anyways, we had a great time, and the kids seemed to have a nice evening with Papa, so all was well. Or so I thought.

The next morning, I was making breakfast and talking to Matthew and Sarah about their evening. They inform me that Nana started asking how school was going. Innocent enough, right? Wrong. You see, we home school, and Nana is a huge fan of public schools. Most of her friends are teachers, and in her younger years, Nana was Miss Popular Homecoming Queen, so to her, we are obviously total nutjob freaks.  She took this opportunity to start grilling my 10 and 8 year old about their curriculum and reading habits, and inform them that they were not doing enough work.

My children, being the well mannered, respectful kids they are, did not talk back or disagree and tried to change the subject, but she didn’t let it go. I was so angry when I heard all this I just started crying. I have worked so hard with my kids and make sure they are well educated. We pinch pennies to get them the absolute best materials, and I go above and beyond basic curriculum requirements.  Matthew is a huge reader and has finished so many classic novels, poems, and short stories that I lost count. He is also a fantastic artist that sketches constantly. I could not ask for a better student.

My Sarah Belle is a little different. She is extremely intelligent and witty, but she’s on the lazy side. You really have to challenge and push her to see results. She wasn’t fond of reading until recently when she started “Aesop’s Fables”. She took to that book like a fish to water and has been reading everything she can get her hands on ever since. She also loves Math and numbers. I’ve never seen anything like it.

That being said, I always try to encourage my kids and let them know how well they are doing and how very proud I am of them. For my step-mother to sew seeds of doubt in their minds infuriated me! How dare she? She has never once asked me about our curriculum, school work or progress. She just automatically thinks I’m not qualified to teach my children! I just wanted to yell and scream and give her a piece of my mind.

I sat down and typed a lengthy email, complete with links on homeschooling, articles about exceptional students, and news stories about how truly dangerous public schools can be. I poured my heart out, telling her how much I loved her and respected her opinion, but how upset and disappointed I was that she chose to take this up with children who can not defend our educational choices and not me. I was just about to hit send, when my husband stopped me. He told me to wait an hour, think about it and then decide whether or not to send it. That was probably the best advice I’ve had in a long time.

I thought about the problem and tried to step outside of the situation for  a while. Would she understand my point of view or see my email as an attack? I realize her children are grown, and she doesn’t have to make the choices I do. She was in school over 30 years ago, and had a wonderful experience. Things are very different now. She is also in a very tough place right now emotionally. My Dad, the usual bread winner, has been out of work for over a 18 months, and my step-mother has been covering all the bills and working hard. She’s stressed out and on edge. I decided not to send my email.

I thought, while I might see this as trying to defend my kids, I guess it would just come off as biting her head off. I love my step-mom, she’s been great to me since I was 11. We had a great family, and I have her to thank for that. I don’t agree with some of her choices, but they are hers to make. Maybe she doesn’t agree with me, and maybe her comments were out of honest concern. It wasn’t worth starting a fight that would only strain our relationship. The Christian in me decided to turn the other cheek., and I’m glad I did. I know I’m making the right decision for my family, and that’s all that really matters.

In the end, Southern manners and my husband’s good advice won. Sometimes you have to fight tooth and nail and be a real pain, other times it’s good to just keep the peace and not stir up trouble. I just hope she comes around one day

Yesterday, I posted, Part II: Son of Sonlight, a reply to Luke Holzmann, whose comment was spin control, yet still professional. Luke is entitled to his opinion, and he wished me well with whatever materials I chose.  Today, I received another comment this time from his father, John Holzmann, which practically brought me to tears. He was malicious and shamelessly cruel. At this point, I am so glad we will not be purchasing from them. I cannot imagine learning Christian principals from persons that behave this way.

While I will not post all of his comment because it contains personal credit information, I will quote portions:

Are you saying you would think your son or daughter is doing well in school if he or she came home with a report card showing a low D grade? And you’d be pleased if he or she ranked second from the bottom in a class of 28 students?

Our report was full of items that are incorrect because Transunion has not updated our report in almost four years. As a result, our Transunion score is lower than the scores listed with Experian and Equifax. We are currently working to correct these inaccuracies.  That being said, I never claimed to have perfect credit or the highest score, but we do have revolving credit with great payment history, several loans with good interest rates and have had no trouble receiving financing from anyone else. That is the honest to God truth.

Tell that part of the story, please! And while you are at it, perhaps you could speak, too, about the ‘Factors that most affect your score’

Gladly: We have worked for years to build up a decent credit score. When we went to purchase a home several years ago, we had no credit score at all. With advice from our bank and other credit professionals, we paid off any debts we had and took steps to build new credit. So far this has worked well, and after years of effort, we have corrected any “factors” on our credit report. My husband is the hardest working man I know. He is Godly, respectful, and loving. I could not ask for a better provider, husband, father, or friend, and John Holzmann is treating him, and in turn me, like trash – insinuating that we are not worthy of them; that we are obviously lazy, pathetic shirkers that are not mindful of our responsibilities.

Now that I’ve seen your report, I want to thank you for providing the data that confirms to me the Sonlight staff did the right thing in refusing you credit.

Sincerely,
John Holzmann, Co-Owner and Co-Founder
Sonlight Curriculum, Ltd.

That is the vindictive part that really gets me. I have been a finance and credit employee, and I have seen some of the worst scores and reports out there. I know where we stand. We know it isn’t perfect, but we have rather recent credit history. I know many people these days that have had their good credit damaged through the loss of a job, a foreclosure or repossession. We have none of those things and work every month to make sure our bills are paid on time. Yes, we often live paycheck to paycheck, but sadly, most young families do. We saved plenty of money for Sonlight’s down payment and were willing to do whatever it took to buy a curriculum from Sonlight because I heard it was one of the best. That’s exactly what I want for my children. Their books and materials may be wonderful, but I will not teach my children Christian principals with materials from a company whose co-founder is so vicious and spiteful. This was a personal attack because he did not like the way I responded to his son’s comments.

I’m not expecting you to publish this comment, either. Though I would appeal to you to walk with integrity.

Mr.Holzmann’s message began with those two sentences. I should walk with integrity? Honesty, honor, ethics, morals, righteousness, virtue, decency, sincerity, truthfulness – that is what integrity means. This blog is my personal journal of my life with my family and children: I do state my opinions and others may disagree with them. In fact, I was told by Eldina at Sonlight Curriculum that not only was this my right, but she encouraged me to blog about my experience. That is exactly what I did. There are thousands of people out there that love Sonlight and probably have never had a minute’s trouble out of them. I am not one of them. Over the last few days, according to web metrics, I have been bombarded with over 150 page views from Sonlight Curriculum Ltd. They have attempted to humiliate me and make me feel like scum, all because I stated my opinion on a small, personal blog. This is absolutely the most unprofessional and upsetting thing I have seen from a company — a supposedly Christian company. I was upbeat and optimistic today, looking forward to the holidays with my children, and this comes as a slap in the face.

Was that your intention, Mr. Holzmann? Was one mother’s opinion and blog worth being callous and cold-hearted? I should walk with integrity? Perhaps you should take your own advice, sir. I am one person with an opinion. Even after this ordeal, I still believed that your materials were some of the best. Now, I’m glad we won’t be purchasing from Sonlight. I would have saved every dime we had to buy your products for my children if that’s what it took, but now, I’m glad I didn’t waste my time or money. Anyone that would behave the way you have is no example for my children or me.

That being said: I am moving on and trying to shake off this upsetting experience. I am going to have a pleasant holiday with my family and if Mr.Holzmann and his company want to continue bothering me, they can do it next year. I do walk with integrity, and I will continue doing it without Sonlight’s help.

I want first to acknowledge: I understand you have no intention of ever buying from Sonlight. Moreover, based on your description of yourself as someone who “can hold a grudge for a really long time,” I realize I may be acting the fool to attempt to say anything to you.

On the other hand, you also say you “love to talk and to listen” and you are “fiercely loyal, care deeply, [and] . . . try everyday to be a better person.” With these latter descriptors in mind, I would like at least to appeal to you on three points.

I hope you might be a bit more kindly disposed–and show some of that Southern Loving!–toward Ann

I edited out a lengthy paragraph with personal and private information about the finance representative, Ann, that I mentioned in my first post. I will not divulge Ann’s business and do wish her well with her children. God Bless, Ann!

I want to say what I have said many times in the past to others who have brought Sonlight shortcomings to our attention–either publicly or privately: I am grateful–and Sonlight is grateful that you did not just “shut up and go away” when you felt we/they had wronged you. By “hanging in there,” you pushed the Sonlight staff to discover things they had never known before… including, as you reported, that there are four different credit scoring systems–one of which (the one Sonlight has been using), they discovered, is really inappropriate for what they have been using it for. (Ouch!)

My comment: So I was right?

So you pushed them to gain some very valuable information. But/and now they (the people who deal with these things at Sonlight) are having to figure out what to do with the information they have gathered: What credit scoring mechanism should they use? How should they go about switching systems? And how can they make the new system work properly?I am–and, I’m sure, the staff at Sonlight is–deeply regretful that you have been caught in the riptide of our/their errors.

My comment: Yes, I was right, but they still don’t want to work with me

We would like to be made right with you. At the same time, I/we recognize you have “moved on.” We are sorry to see you go. Thanks.

Sincerely,

John Holzmann, Co-Owner and Co-Founder
Sonlight Curriculum, Ltd.
. . . but now working on other projects besides Sonlight!

It’s almost Christmas and Sunday night at church several members shared their favorite holiday memories. We had a great dinner, wonderful fellowship and, as always, terrific music. All the Christmas stories were touching and I started thinking back on my own memorable holidays. It’s hard for me not to get teary eyed when I look back over the years, especially when you realize how much has changed.

My greatest joy is watching my kids run in to see all their Santa gifts. Two years ago, my son wanted a go cart. I was so hesitant to buy one, fearing a horrible wreck or something. My husband finally convinced me, considering I have the most mature and responsible son around.(wink, wink) We obviously couldn’t fit this thing in the house, so we set up everyone’s gifts near the tree and back door/porch. We put the go cart on the back porch, but closed the curtains so he didn’t see it. Instead he finds a few smaller toys, books and a helmet. The poor kid, he’s such a good sport! Sarah and Olivia had these huge toys and Deacon is riding all over the living room in his new fire truck and Matthew just smiles and looks through his small presents, trying to act excited.

We let this go on for a few minutes, then my husband says, “Hey Matthew, what is that on the porch?” He seems confused, but opens the curtain to see the go cart he wanted waiting outside for him. He was so shocked and excited he didn’t even bother grabbing shoes or a coat before he ran outside to try it! I still remember that smile on his face that stretched from ear to ear. He spent the rest of the day giving rides to his siblings and cousin, and being chased by the dog!

As a kid, we always went to both of my grandparents homes Christmas Eve. Now, as an adult, I realize how completely draining that was on my parents! We tried that Matthew’s first Christmas when he was 3 months old. By the time we reached our last stop, my mother-in-law’s, he was so cranky and exhausted that we vowed never again to make Christmas Eve anything other than a Christ focused, family evening with no travel! Since then, we have enjoyed a meal at our home with whatever family wants to attend and an early evening church service. We read the Bible story of Jesus’ birth and hit the bed, ready for a crazy day of gifts and family  on Christmas Day.

It’s been almost 4 years now that my baby brother has been gone. I don’t think any holiday has been the same since, at least not for my parents and I. I remember opening gifts with him and every time we opened socks, we would look at each other like, “Seriously?!”, toss them behind us and move on. He was so proud one year, he was probably 8 or 9, when he bought me this lavender, Atlanta Falcons sweatshirt. I am not a huge football fan, and I couldn’t tell you anything about the Atlanta Falcons, but I loved that shirt! We were living in New Mexico, the rest of my family was in South Carolina, and I was miserably homesick. I guess when he went to the store he thought Atlanta was the closest thing he could find to home and he bought it. He even wrapped it himself. To me, it was the sweetest gesture in the world. I wish I could say I still had it, but sadly I don’t. Too many years and too many moves later it is gone.

This year, I wish I could say I had decorated the house top to bottom and had an amazing dinner planned. I don’t. The kids decorated the tree all by themselves, and it looks perfect. We put out some of our favorite decorations, but not much else. Christmas Eve will be surprisingly low key this time, and we will see a few family members Christmas Day. I’m looking forward to the candlelight service on Thursday, and seeing my little angels smile at their gifts Christmas Day.

To all of my readers, Merry Christmas! I hope you have a wonderful and meaningful Christmas filled with family, friends, and beautiful memories. Always remember the real meaning for the season and cherish every second you have with those you love! God bless!

Sonlight Curriculum has their own forums: These forums are private, limited only to customers who have purchased materials directly from the company (not from another individual, 2nd hand). They can make themselves look good all they want there and make me out to be some sort of nut job. Luke can attempt to spin this situation all he wants:

I’m sorry that Sonlight did not meet your needs and even more sorry that we have angered you. I am a huge fan of Sonlight–since I grew up on it [smile]–but realize we failed to serve you.

and hope to come out looking like one of the “good guys.” Sorry Luke, but I’m not retracting a single word. I still stand by the facts and I will not post your spin control here so that you feel like this matter is resolved.

As a result of this predicament, I will not purchase anything from Sonlight Curriculum in the future because they do not value me as a customer. They can tell me how wonderful their employees are and how very much they cared about my order. I don’t believe it for a second.

Oh, Luke & Sonlight: Glad you enjoyed my blog (21 visits so far)! Come back and visit anytime. [sarcasm]

Ok, so I’m not in the Christmas spirit today, and yes, I’m probably in a REALLY bad mood. For that, I apologize. I’m just sick and tired of fighting with idiots that for whatever reason think they are better than you. Let me fill you in on my latest drama.

I had planned to order a set of books for my son from a company called Sonlight Curriculum, a supposedly Christian company that sells homeschooling materials. I’ve heard excellent things about their curriculum and was excited to try it out. They are somewhat pricey, but my kids are worth it. My husband didn’t receive a Christmas bonus this year, which makes gifts a little lean. Fortunately Sonlight Curriculum had a “time payments” option. My order was almost $1,100 and time payments required a down payment of around $300, followed by monthly payments for anywhere from 3-6 months. Sounded like a great idea, and I could pay it off early with our tax return.

I placed our order online, not anticipating any issues. It was pending a credit check. I had no worries and was all psyched to receive our new books and materials! To my surprise however, I receive an email stating that we were not approved. Floored, I called them to find out the problem. They explained we did not meet their credit requirements and they were sorry but basically, “Sucks to be you.”

This was news to us, considering we purchased a home a year ago with a great rate. We have not had any sort of issues being approved for credit anywhere else. I asked to be transferred to their finance department and was told Anne was not available because she was picking up her child from school. Curious – a homeschool curriculum employee does not use their products? That doesn’t speak well of Sonlight’s curriculum or materials.

I finally get through to Anne the next day. I told her there must be a mix up, because my husband and I have worked hard to make sure our credit is in good standing and cannot imagine why there is an issue. She was short, less than helpful and rude. She said, “she was not able to give out the score they received but that it was below their ‘threshold’ and there was nothing more she could do for us.” At this point I’m worried about identity theft, so we go online, get copies of our reports from the three credit agencies, and pour through them, expecting to see something shocking.

Instead I see excellent payment history, and good scores. I emailed Sonlight showing the scores, proving that not only did we meet their threshold we exceeded it. Sadly, Anne was out of the office again (rather convenient) and was told my information would be given to a supervisor that would contact me soon.

The supervisor, Eldina, called me around 4PM. She says that “while my report shows a TOTALLY different score, their system has something much lower and they will be going with their score. She says that while she understands my ‘disappointment,’ she cannot help.” After I argue with her for several minutes, she finally says she will contact Transunion DIRECTLY and find out what’s going on. “Great, we can finally get this resolved!” I thought. Yeah right.

She calls back again with some elaborate story about four different ways to obtain credit scores, saying she spoke to Transunion (a bold-faced lie) and while the score I have is valid, their system has something different and they still refuse to approve us. I’m livid now and launch into a tirade about how I will tell everyone I know about this and how poor their customer service is. She says I can do whatever I want and that she understands my disappointment (again, obviously reading from the angry customer script). I’m not disappointed! I’m pissed and angry because these morons have the wrong information and refuse to believe otherwise! Don’t patronize me with your empty “I’m sorry,” or “I totally understand.” If you understood or cared at all you’d be asking your crappy customer service where the disconnect is and make an effort to fix this!

Immediately after the call, we contacted Transunion, only to learn that Sonlight Curriculum never spoke directly to them. That part was a flat out lie! They use a third-party service to obtain credit scores that obviously had wrong information. Still, no matter what I said or did, it wasn’t good enough for Sonlight Curriculum.

Let me say this: First, I’ve worked around credit and finance. When you see a decent score, great payment history and a sizable down payment, you make exceptions! No matter what your crappy computer system and inaccurate reporting service says.

Second, in a terrible economy when large numbers of people are unemployed, and you have a paying customer with a down payment double what you’ve asked for, you do your BEST to work with them!

Third, Hell hath no fury like Katie Carson scorned. Maybe one person can’t make a difference, but she sure can yell REALLY LOUD. That’s what I plan to do. We are a hard-working family that deserves more than a brush off from a company that is supposedly Christian. You don’t LIE to me, make me feel like somehow I’m not worthy or you, and then expect me to just take it. No sir, not this girl.

Their information is flat out wrong. I sent proof and have confirmation from Transunion. If they want to argue that with me, I’m up for the fight. At this point, I will be taking my business elsewhere, where we are actually appreciated and will tell everyone my honest opinion of Sonlight Curriculum, and it won’t be pretty.

Updated 12/22/2009: Changed out post photo – the original was a bit harsh.

He was playing the Jack Nicholson character and slowly losing his mind. At one point Marge walks in and sees the typewriter. “What he’s typed will be a window to his mind,” she says. All the paper reveals is “Feelin’ fine,” to which she lets out a sigh of relief. Then the lights flash and we see mad scribbling all over the walls saying “No beer or tv make Homer go crazy.” Today, I feel his pain.

I don’t need the beer or television even but I DO want a few seconds of quiet! I guess kids are out of school today and my friend asked if I would keep hers.  I already watch her baby, Noah, for her on a regular basis. She pays me so extra money is always nice. Her older son is the same age is my little Deacon, and they have fun together so I thought sure, why not. Noah is a fat little snugglebug that smiles all the time so I don’t mind having him around at all. Her other son is a sweet kid but I’m just not as great with other peoples children, especially when they aren’t babies. I don’t think it’s my place to tell them what to do. I’ll make sure they are safe, fed and happy, but I’m not here to teach or discipline.

Let me just give you a little back story so, like Marge, you can see into my mind. My washer died on me last week. Thankfully it is still under warranty so the service is free, but when they told me they had to order parts and come back in a few days my heart sank. I have to wash at least 1-2 loads a day to keep up! I can’t have piles of dirty, stinking clothes everywhere! Well, the week is almost over and they have yet to come back and fix my washer.

I also think there is something nesting in the attic above my bedroom and now it smells like funk. We have to climb around in the attic and find whatever has moved in and hopefully shoo them out. In the meantime, my bedroom smells gross and I’ve been lighting every candle I own and spraying smelly stuff everywhere.

Today I have six – count em – six children running (except Noah, he can’t run yet) around the house. No washing machine, no car because my hubby’s is in the shop, so he has mine, a stinky bedroom inhabited by gosh knows what creature and a LONG day ahead of me. I think instead of television and beer, my mad rambling will be: “No washing machine, too many kids and no car makes Katie go crazy”. Catchy, no?

They were accepting applications from 9-12 and I, of course, had already printed the script, filled out my application and my wonderful husband had made up an impressive “comp card” for me to take along. I also bought an new outfit, had my hair done and had been kicking it up a notch with my workouts, not that anyone noticed. I felt pretty confident when my friend and my Mom said I looked “gorgeous” and I made my husband read through the script with me so many times we could have won daytime Emmy’s.

I told my Mom to be ready no later than 8:30, and had things been left up to me, I would have been in line at 6 am. Needless to say, when I showed up at my mother’s around 8, she was nowhere close to ready. She was still debating on outfits, hadn’t fixed her hair or makeup and said if she didn’t drink more coffee there was no way she could even function. I had been wide awake since around 5 and downed at least 3 cups of coffee, dressed 4 kids and was so jacked up on caffeine and vitamins I was practically bouncing off the walls. I wanted to strangle her when I walk in and see her in a nightgown, stumbling around the kitchen. Seriously, how could she mess with my destiny like that?!

Let me just say this, I am NOT a vain person. I do not have any grand ideas that one day I will be plucked from a crowd to star in the next Oscar winner. I think I’m fairly average and know there are 10 bazillion people out there better looking than me. My only advantage over the hundreds of other hopefuls at this audition is that from the time I was old enough to walk, I was raised on the soaps! My mother and both grandmothers watched soaps religiously. Even when my mom worked a full-time job, made sure I was at school on time, cooked dinner and kept house, she recorded the soaps, sat down with her bowl of popcorn, and watched them EVERY night. I could tell you who’s related to whom, how many times they’ve been married, their occupation, heck, probably even blood type! Holidays at my grandmother’s usually included a discussion at the dinner table about certain characters and their newest drama. I’m not proud of all this useless knowledge, I just figured I could actually put it to good use now.

I ended up being #199 in line for my reading. No joke, there were 198 people in front of me and countless others after. Even my Mom tried out. There were so many funny people there I can’t even begin to tell you all the stories. There were so many self-assured gems that stood in front of mirrors, checking themselves out I couldn’t stop laughing. I saw 2 women that looked like they came straight from a long night of bar hopping and they strutted around like the world was their runway. I’m not being mean, I was just shocked and astounded. I can not imagine what the casting people had going through their minds when some of these winners came in.

I was nervous, terrified and about to throw up before I went in but stood in front of the camera and casting lady, read my lines, smiled and tried to be as charming as I could. They were super friendly, said I was perfect, asked where I was from, and if it was far from where they would be filming. I felt hopeful and expected a call to offer me a full-time role on their show right away.

Well, as of today, there are no calls or offers. I don’t really expect any but hey, at least I tried! My little brother was in several movies and shows before he passed away so I feel like I made him proud. Maybe someday soon, you can all watch me on tv. Wish me luck!

I don’t think I’ll ever learn that no matter how much I try to do the right thing, it just comes around to bite me in the butt. I don’t think I’ll go into detail, but I have this thing about standing up for the underdog. Probably because for most of my 29 years, my mother has been the underdog. I guess I think I can help everyone. I have the best of intentions. Somehow, it never works out the way I plan.

My Dad always said my mother could be in a straight jacket, in the middle of a padded room and somehow, she would end up right in the middle of trouble. I’m the same way. I don’t like to be in anyone’s business, really I don’t. I have a friend that I’ve been worried about. She seems to be in a bad place in her life. I understand why she is, I know what brought her there. I’ve tried, in my way, to encourage her and help her. I’ve stood by her, offered advice, and prayed. I finally decided I needed to talk to her.

One of the reasons I started this blog was because I do everything better in writing. If I have something important to say, I write it. Otherwise, I get flustered and forget things, or get interrupted before I can make my point clear. So, I wrote her. I tried to make it very clear that I loved her to pieces but was very concerned about her. I guess I didn’t expect it to go over well. I should have known most people don’t take criticism well. So when she responded with a less than friendly message, I wasn’t at all shocked. I guess what I told her went in one ear and out the other so to speak. I came to the conclusion it would be better to walk away at this point and hope the best for her. If only it were that easy.

The hard part is that we have mutual friends, one of which I work for. I gave her a heads up before I sent my email, and thought we were on the same page. She too, had been concerned for this friend and felt I was doing the right thing. Now I’m starting to wonder if that’s the case. I still think I did the right thing. I am still worried about my friend. I just end up looking like the jerk for being the one to say something. I guess I will honestly never learn.

I’m starting to wonder if maybe I should just be in the middle of nowhere, with no other human contact for at least 50 miles around. Yet, I somehow think I’d still find trouble. That’s just me I suppose. If ever I win the lottery, the fam and I are packing up and moving to a deserted island and building a tree house like the Swiss Family Robinson, I kid you not. I’m going native and dropping my cellphone in the ocean.

Does anyone else have things like this happen? Have you ever tried to say or do the right thing but end up being the bad guy?

Ya’ll don’t even understand how much I love a good night’s sleep. I can feel it. I can taste it! My children, on the other hand, don’t have the same desire. I keep telling myself that one day, maybe when they are teenagers, they’ll sleep late. I’m starting to have my doubts though.

Matthew was the only baby that loved to sleep. His first night home from the hospital, he slept all night. I kept getting up to go check on him (and stare at him) and make sure he was ok. I remember waking up in the mornings at 9:30 or so and jumping out of bed to make sure he was breathing. He was, of course, and slept blissfully through my new Mommy worries.

When he hit about 4 or 5, he all of the sudden started waking up at the crack of dawn. He’d get up, clean his room, make his bed, then sit there until he heard movement from somewhere else in the house.  Yes, he is that good. He cleaned his room first then waited patiently. Amazing, isn’t it?

Miss Sarah, who has recently changed her name to Scarlet because it fits her better, never slept. Never. We finished her nursery the day I went to the hospital. It was beautiful. I had envisioned this lacy, pink, girly paradise when I found out I was having my first girl and buddy, I nailed it too. She had a fabulous Waverly quilt, lace curtains, plush rug, hand painted cabinet (by me, of course) with ballerina slipper knobs, and sweet little pictures and hangings all over. I loved that room but Sarah didn’t seem too.

Realize, I do NOT exagerate these posts, at all. So when I say this, it is 100% true. Sarah was born in about 3 hours flat, no drugs, entering the world like the force of nature she truly is. When the nurses and doctors came in to check on her, she would cry before they even touched her. They would apologize profusely, swearing they didn’t hurt her. I would laugh because I knew it was true, and then they would step back and say what a beautiful baby she was. She really is, my God that child was gorgeous! We had people stop us constantly to tell us she was the most beautiful girl they’d ever seen. Little cherub face, rosy lips, big green eyes and blonde curls: she was absolutely perfect.

Forgive my Mommy moment, but that being said, she NEVER wanted to sleep.  She ate every hour on the hour and slept on my arm for the first 4-5 months of her life. She chunked up from all the late night feedings and earned the name “Butterbean” and later, “Puff” honestly. I didn’t think I’d ever sleep again, so that was tough.

Olivia was a tiny little peanut of a child, and she liked to be right beside me at all times. I think I worried about her more than any of them because she was so tiny. Matthew is independent, and Sarah is tough, but Olivia was just a little bit of a thing. I kept her bassinet right beside me at night and pulled it around the house behind me so I could always see her. This means, of course, that the sleep thing was a big no no.

Deacon is my last baby. Any of you that have the last baby know what I mean.  You want to enter this world of snuggles and kisses with them and hold them every minute of every day simply because you know: you won’t be able to do any of this again. Even when I was up feeding him at 3 in the morning and he’d dirty 5 diapers in a row, I’d just laugh and snuggle him more. You couldn’t help it, he had the fattest cheeks known to man. As soon as he was born, the nurse said “My goodness, Deacon! Look at those cheeks!” How could you not love him?

The problem with that is, they learn real quick that they have Mama wrapped tightly around their finger. I had our play group over not long after he was born and they all laughed at how, no matter where he was, he watched me. If I put him in his bouncy seat, he watched me. Swing, car seat, someone elses arms? You got it!

The only time I’ve slept in recently was when my husband and I took an anniversary trip to Charleston and all 4 kids were with grandparents. Do you know how long it’s been since I went to place that didn’t have kid menus??? Honestly, except for a few birthday dinners that I finish quickly so I can get home to the kids, we haven’t been out as a couple since my eldest was a baby! We had 2 full days of couple time and sleep! I can not even explain to you what that’s like! The closest I could possibly come is “Heaven”.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE being around my kids. I cherish every second of them. It’s just, sometimes, you have to breath and, in my case, sleep! I would LOVE a sleep in Saturday! One where I don’t even hear people getting cereal at 6 am and turning on cartoons. The kind where not a soul moves and all the lights stay off! Is that possible or should I just give up now?