I’ve written an article about our journey through childhood cancer, in the hopes of bringing increased awareness to the need for more potential donors on the bone marrow registry.  If you have a chance, please follow the link to the article to read the article “A Journey of Hope” (in two parts).

http://www.sacramentopress.com/section/frontpage

It was difficult – and at times excruciatingly painful – to relive what we went through.  But as our pastor told us one time,  when dealing with difficult situations, “Someone must bear the pain.”  So, it came down to the question: Are you willing to bear the pain for someone else’s benefit?  For me, the answer here was, “Yes.” 

If you liked the article, could you please leave a comment below the article.  The more comments…the more people will be interested in reading the article…the more people who will get information about registering to be a life-saving bone marrow donor.

Thank you so much! 

“I will give thanks to You, O Lord my God, with all my heart, And will glorify Your name forever.”  Psalm 86:12

With the holidays approaching, there are memories we naturally would rather not have come to mind…so, we are each doing our best to keep our eyes on Jesus and His many blessings, and the many blessings we have and continue to receive.

Thanks to the amazing generosity of many of our neighbors, we were finally able to order a headstone yesterday for Katie’s grave.  With the economy being what it has been, and the buildup of expenses over the past couple of years, this was a responsibility we found difficult to finish.  A wonderful couple near us (you know who you are!) spearheaded a drive to raise money to relieve us of this concern and within three days raised enough money for us to order a beautiful headstone for our daughter!  Dear, dear neighbors: this would not have been possible without your help.  Thank you and God bless you, Franciscanwoodians!

As I have been going through the hundreds of cards, donations, and emails we received during and after Katie’s illness, I am overcome each time with humble tears of thankfulness for those of you who reached out to help and comfort us during that time.  Again and again,  Michael and I want to thank you for your kindness!

A thoughtful reporter from the NY Times Magazine contacted us last week about doing a piece on Katie and our search for a bone marrow donor. He is working with a public radio show called “This American Life” and they are producing an issue called “The Lives They Lived”.  What an honor it is to us to be able to share Katie’s story with the listeners and to reinforce the message about the need for more registered bone marrow donors! This program should air around Christmas-time. I will give an update when more details become available.

Last, I wanted to share two pictures of Katie.  They are one and the same picture, as you can see.  (Believe it or not, this was just one of those spur of the moment pictures Katie took of herself with her own camera.)

The one on the right is from a Nike wall at a booth at the SF Nike run this past October.  Our friend’s daughter was running that day and saw Katie’s picture up on the wall; she took a picture of it and sent it to her mom who then forwarded it to me.  It’s astonishing (and a bit stunning, too!) when you see your child’s picture being displayed in a major race.  It’s also amazing that just to the right of her picture is a dolphin - Katie’s favorite animal!  I only wish we could have seen it in person…

The other picture is a drawing of the same photograph of Katie.  It was drawn by one of Katie’s very close friends.  You can see for yourself what a superb artist Emma is!  The tribute was written by Emma’s sister, Maggie. They gave this to us after Katie passed away.  Katie had some of the most amazing friends!

The Story of Katie

Have you ever had to tell someone,

 Everything will be okay.

As she slowly slips away from us,

In this world we wish her to stay.

Looks of sorrow exchanged among friends,

Our eyes stay filled with mist.

Gathered together for this time to spend,

For our dear friend we must assist.

We don’t know what to say now,

If only she could hear.

She would know we love her still,

And always will be near.

Her hands lay by her side now,

Her feet, they tranquilly rest.

They fought long and hard, but how?

From the courage with which she was blessed.

Now it is time to say goodbye,

I wish that you could stay.

We knew we’d have to face this time,

I didn’t think it’d be today.

I wish you well up there in heaven,

Say hi to Jesus for me.

Our memory of you shall never deaden,

Of the great story of Katie.

 ~Maggie F.

 We are holding on to Jesus and the hope of Heaven, especially as we move into the holiday season and the anniversary of Katie’s passing.  We thank you for your continued prayers for our family, and we wish you happy and healthy holidays!

Sherrie
“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.                                                                                                                              (Isaiah 9:6)

Peachie & Katie

Today,  October 22, is the one year anniversary of Katie’s first umbilical stem cell transplant…the transplant we hoped would save her life. Sadly, that was not to be.

Today is also the Sacramento Chapter of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society’s annual Light the Night fundraiser. Katie was chosen as this year’s Memorial Honoree.   I had hoped to fundraise for this year’s walk, but didn’t  the mental or emotional energy it takes to follow through on it; it has been enough of a challenge just to work, take care of my home and family, and attend to my grieving.  Hopefully next year…

One of Katie’s good friends, Peachie, has set up a team and is trying to raise funds for the L&LS.  I am so proud of you, Peachie!   The team name is “Katie’s Buds”.  Would you please consider honoring Katie by making a donation of any amount – large or small - to Peachie’s team?  Thank you so much!

http://pages.lightthenight.org/sac/Sacra11/ASweeney 

If you go to the Sacramento Light the Night home page and click on “Memorial Honorees”, you will see Katie’s picture.  As they remind us at the end of her bio, “She is a reminder that our fight is not done, and our efforts must be continued. “

Our lives have been changed forever by the loss of our daughter. We are doing as well as can be expected, and continue to put our trust and faith in our Lord Jesus.  He has been our strength, hope and comfort, and we are keeping our eyes on Him!

We appreciate your continued prayers for our family, especially as we approach our first holiday season with our dear Katie.

God bless you!

What happens when posts are done at 12:00 AM?  I forget to write something I meant to write!

This first week in July brings a lot of memories with it.  On July 1, a year ago, I left for China to see if anything could be done to increase Katie’s chances of finding a 10/10 bone marrow match.  I was in China on the 4th of July (odd!) and returned July 10th. The trip to China would not have happened without the generous support of many people whom I would like to thank now (in case I forgot to do this last year.) 

Thank you to Monica M., Linda W., and Carol G. for helping me in the decision-making process on whether to go to China or not.

Thank you to Susan W. for having a yard-sale to help raise funds for the trip.

Thank you to all the people who donated items for the yard-sale; thank you to those who contributed financially.

Thank you to my brother, Jerry, who freely gave me his air-miles to use.

Thank you to Allison B., (FCC) for using her internet skills to help rally support for us.

Thank you to Jenny B. from Half the Sky, for all of the assistance you and your organization gave to me, especially with translation while in China.

Thank you to Roberta Lipson and her staff from United Family Hospital and Clinics in Beijing for all of the help she provided me while in China.

A special thank you to each of the families who paid to have their adopted child tested as a potential match for Katie.  What amazing people you are!

And, finally, thank you to those of you who prayed and supported my family in various other ways during that ten day window of time.  I may not remember everyone’s name or service…but, the Lord does! God bless you for reaching out to our family during that period of time.

I am eternally grateful.

“The Lord bless you and keep  you; the Lord make His face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace.”  (Numbers 6:23-26)

Sherrie

We started a Grief Share group at our church two weeks ago which I believe is going to be very helpful for us.  It is small, with just four families involved, all who have lost children.  In my opinion, losing a child is very different than losing a spouse, parent, or other loved one.  The grief pieces are similar; the ramifications of the loss are, I believe, deeper.  It is my prayer that each of us will not only comfort and strengthen the others in this group, but to actually rise victorious from our grief.

The shock of losing Katie is diminishing (though I still have brief periods of thinking, “I can’t believe this really happened to us.”).  However, the reality of the loss is increasing.  Truly, I should say “losses”.  We did not just lose a daughter and a sister – we lost the potential joy and satisfaction of seeing her graduate from high school and college, fall in love, get married, have children, have cousins for her siblings, watch her be her best friends’ bride’s maids, and all the myriad of other highlights of one’s future.  David and Anna have had a significant loss which they will carry into their adulthood, as will her very close friends.

Yet, despite all of these losses, I fully believe that Katie did not depart this Earth one day earlier than had been planned for her. “Man’s days are determined; you have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed.” (Job 14:5)  I want her here with us; yet, God’s ways are higher than our ways, and I am in no position to argue with His reasoning.  It is an act of daily submission to His will, not mine, being done.

The Lord has been teaching me many things, and I am making copious notes.  The website I wanted to start, though, takes more mental energy than I have stored up at this point in time.  My new mantra is “Just do the next thing.”  Sometimes this is as basic as folding clothes or taking a shower; sometimes it is as mentally challenging as making dental and doctors’ appointments. To get the website up and going will have to wait until I can move beyond just being able to “doing the next thing.”

In our last Grief Share meeting, there was a suggestion was to write a “Grief Letter” to give to friends and family. Grief is an awkward situation on both sides of the aisle.  What do you say to me if you see me?  How much do I share with you about where I am mentally, emotionally, spiritually?   Anyway, I thought I’d give it a try here:

Dear Friend,

I know it’s uncomfortable for you to interact act with me in my state of grief. You don’t know what to say, you don’t want to make me sad.  It’s ok.  I understand.  Safe and good statements could sound something like this:

“I want you to know I think about you and Katie often.  I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“I was thinking about Katie the other day.  I remember when….”

“I will continue to pray for your family’s healing.”

Don’t be afraid to mention Katie; it is my joy to talk about her and remember her.  If I cry, don’t worry…while it may be uncomfortable to watch me cry, it really is a good thing; you have not made me sad.  Crying helps relieve the built up sadness that is always present in my heart and mind.

We will make it through this difficult time. I fully believe that things will get better.  We will learn to live, and love, and laugh once again.  And, as our pastor said to Michael and I, “There is still story to be written.” 

Thank you for your continued prayers for our family!

Sherrie

To My Dear Katie,

          I love and miss you more each day.  The only thing that carries me though is the grace and peace I receive from Jesus, and the absolute sure belief that I will see you again.  I am holding on to that promise!

          As my first child, you hold a magical place in my heart.  I treasure the memories of receiving you on May 2, 1999, in a hotel room in Nanning, Guangxi, China.  Within the first few minutes, you quickly learned that we were suckers for you; you had us wrapped around your little finger from day one.  That never stopped.

          I miss your voice most of all.  I can’t hear you, and can’t remember how you sound, and that makes me sad.

          I ask Jesus often to tell you I love you, and that I always will. You absence is deeply felt in our family and with those who loved and knew you well.   I pray that the next six months, six years, six decades, flies quickly, and I will see you once again.

          4^th of July just passed and I grieved for  you several times that day.  You had an unusual love of your new country, America.  Your interest in politics at a young age of 15 amazed me.   I think it was guided by your clear-cut sense of what was right and what was wrong.  You would have made an excellent judge!

          Well, sweetheart…I wish I could kiss you good-night.  Jesus, will you please give Katie a big hug from her mom?  Thank you, Lord, for the promise of Heaven!

Mom

It has been an honor and a blessing – a difficult one, most of the time – to keep the readers of Katie’s journey posted on all the ups and downs we have experienced over the past several years. Through this website, many of you have reached out to encourage and support us in various ways, and we thank you from the bottom of our hearts for those blessings! We have been the recipient of many good things during this difficult time in our lives; I’m not sure how we would have survived without the help of so many people. We thank you for allowing the Lord to use you to bring us hope, peace, faith, and love. Our sincere hope is that now we will be able to bring the same to others.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” (2 Cor. 1:3,4)

We will be holding a yard sale this Saturday, May 21st, 8:00 AM – 2:00 PM, with proceeds of the sale going to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society through Rosemary Gong, candidate for the 2011 L&LS Woman of the Year Campaign.  ( http://auntielaofanclub.org/blog/ )  If you have any last minute items you would like to drop off for the sale, please bring them to our house (4364 Briarwood Drive, Sacramento 95821). Or, just drop by and browse…there just may be something you can’t live without!

Again, thank you and God bless each of you! 

In faith, hope, and love,

Sherrie

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/saraco

We will be having a yard sale on Saturday, May 21st, to raise money for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society through Rosemary Gong, candidate for 2011 Leukemia & Lymphoma Society’s Woman of the Year.  If you have any items you would like to donate for this yard sale, please email me at mskad@sbcglobal.net to make arrangements for pick up or delivery of those items.  All money raised will be given toward Rosemary’s campaign.  Please help us make strides towards finding a curing for leukemia and lymphoma! Thank you!!

http://auntielaofanclub.org/blog/ 

Well, four months later and I am still plugging away at thank you cards and emails to all the wonderful people who helped lightened our heavy load.  We were fortunate to be the recipients of so many blessings…it may take me an eternity to get around to everyone!   Hopefully, though, I’ll get to everyone on this side of eternity! If you haven’t heard from me personally, please don’t think I have forgotten your generosity…I’m just overwhelmed, and all strides forward are made with tiny, tiny baby steps.

With faith, hope and love,

Sherrie

The Lord has been so good to us during these difficult days, allowing us to rest in His provisions and timing, believing He makes all things beautiful in their proper time.  (Ecclesiastes 3:11) There has been no more convincing proof of the existence of God and His unlimited love for me (and you!) than His orchestrating the events of my life. This blog and my limited time don’t allow me to go into detail on this here, but the most recent example of this evidence for me came just last Friday.  Call me crazy, but Good Friday is my favorite “holy day”. Partly, this is due to the fact that Good Friday hasn’t been commercialized; that, in and of itself, is a blessing – no gifts to buy, no cards to send, no special decorating of the house. All one needs to do is focus on the Lord Jesus and His sacrifice on the cross for our sins, so that we can reap the blessings of eternal life. What a trade-off – the God and creator of this world sending His only begotten Son to pay for my sins by death on the cross – a price I could never pay – so that I can live forever with Him in Heaven. Truly amazing!

Well, it just so happened that my birthday this year fell on Good Friday.  Now, I try not to make too big of a deal about my birthday, especially as the years keep rolling on; but, this was going to be my first birthday without Katie here with us, and those “firsts” are always hard.  But, I had the joy of having greater and more awesome thoughts fill my mind that day than just about me, myself and I. Thank you, Lord, for your perfect timing once again!

We plan to visit Katie’s grave today for the first time.  What better day to go to a cemetery than on Easter Sunday?  A friend of mine told me something her pastor said which I thought was excellent.  He said he wished the Lord would give him 10-15 minutes’ notice prior to His return so that he could get to a cemetery to witness the resurrection of the saints! Can you imagine that!

“For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we shall always be with the Lord.” (1 Thessalonians 4:16,17) 

Please remember Sara and her family in prayer as she is having a difficult time right now. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/saraco

Wishing you a joyful Resurrection Day!  He is risen!

He is risen, indeed! 

Sherrie

I woke up that day with an extreme heaviness and a sadness I had never felt before. This feeling stayed with me, unabated, until my body finally succumbed to sleep late that night. Tears flowed, or were barricaded by sheer will, throughout the day. Desolation imploded to the core of my being. Was this a delayed grief reaction? Had something I couldn’t consciously pinpoint triggered the despondency which overwhelmed me? Or, did my internal time clock recognize that it was one year to the date that we received the news that Katie was relapsing? (I hadn’t realized that fact until just yesterday, the 11th.)  I was unable to pray, or to focus my mind on my one sure hope: that Jesus has made a way for me to live eternally, and I will see Katie once again.

This “feeling” (I almost want to call it “oppression”) finally lifted by mid-afternoon the next day, and I’ve now been able to step back and scrutinize this experience. This is my conclusion: I honestly believe that the Lord allowed me to taste, for a brief moment in time, what it would be like to not have the assurance of the hope of Heaven. All I could comprehended that day was my child was dead – gone from this earth. No more will I see or hear her. No more hopes for her future. No more fulfilling of her daily needs.  I was left with only my faltering memories, along with some pictures and a few earthly treasures stored in plastic boxes. Pure emptiness. Pure futility of life.

What can bring any lasting comfort to the bereaved parent but the sure knowledge that you will be with that person once again? Acts of kindness, remembrance and honoring surely help the healing process – all are appropriate, good, and necessary; but, unless done for the glory of God, they are temporary.  As C.T. Studd wrote in his poem: “Only one life, ’twill soon be past, only what’s done for Christ will last.”

So, do we stopping doing good, or stop honoring our daughter and others who have battled and continue to battle cancer? Never! But, the focus for us must and will be:  “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” (Colossians 3:17) Only with this as our primary goal will there be any lasting treasure or reward, or earthly consulation.

With this end in mind – to honor Katie for God’s glory – we would like to ask you to support Rosemary Gong, candidate for the 2011 Leukemia & Lymphoma Society’s Woman of the Year.  As one who has battled AML and survived a stem cell transplant, she knows all too well the challenges this disease places on one’s body, finances, family and friends. She is out there working diligently to raise money to help increase the survival statistics for leukemia and lymphoma patients. This Saturday, April 16th, there will be a book and media sale in San Francisco to help raise funds for her campaign.  Our family will be heading over to the Bay area that morning to show our support for Rosemary.  If you have any unwanted books, CDs, or DVDs, feel free to drop them off to us (or I can come by and pick them up at your house) prior to Saturday morning, and we’ll be happy to contribute them to the sale. And please visit Auntie Lao’s Fan Club for other ways you can support Rosemary! (Check out the “Events” tab for upcoming events.  There is also a section where Rosemary honors Katie, for which we are very appreciative!)

http://auntielaofanclub.org/blog/

Also, I am planning a garage sale sometime in May in which all money raised will be donated to Rosemary’s campaign.  If you have any unwanted items that you would like to donate, please contact me by email and we can arrange to have those items in the sale.  Further details will be posted as soon as I have a date set.

Thank you for your continued support and prayers for our family.  May the Lord bless each of you, and may you choose this day to follow the only One who can give you the peace that passes all understanding.  (Philippians 4:7)

With faith, hope, and love,

Sherrie

4:00 AM Monday morning found me lying in bed wide awake and unable to go back to sleep.  When this happens, my mind tries to process this event in our lives. I came to the conclusion (if, at 4:00 AM, you can come to any sane conclusion, I’m not really sure!) that I am determined to make Katie’s death be a blessing in our lives and, hopefully, for others. Trials come to each and every one of us, in all shapes and sizes; how we respond to them is our choice.  I can choose to be happy – without denying the sadness that I feel – and continue to live a fulfilling life.  Yes, this is easier said than done, but I am proving to myself, day after day, that it can be done.

But, more than it just being a choice to be happy, it is also an obligation. (I tried to teach Katie this, and am now having to follow my own instructions!)  When I was home-schooling Katie during her sophomore year of high school, I thought it important to instill some deeper values and ideas, along with the traditional curriculum.  One radio talk-show hosts I greatly admire is Dennis Prager. (In my opinion, he is one of the most intelligent and thought-provoking individuals on radio.)  On his website, he has what he calls “Prager University” from which I pulled one of his talks for Katie, the title of which is “Happiness is a Moral Obligation”.  I had asked her to read it, so we could discuss it later. (True of Katie’s gentle, yet passive-aggressive personality, she said she would read it, but never did! Smiling here Here is a transcript of his talk, if you care to read it.

http://prageru.com/h1.pdf

It is extremely difficult to be happy after the death of a child, but it is not impossible. The other thing that motivates me is that I know for certain that Katie would want us to be happy.  She does not want us to mope around, wasting precious time on earth.  And even more than that, I am absolutely convinced I WILL see her again and spend eternity with her! This is only a brief separation, in view of eternity.

So, in light of my early morning revelation, bolstered by a determination to make something good come from Katie’s short life and early death, and encouraged by my nightly reading of the book, “Heaven” (Randy Alcorn), I am trying to choose daily to be happy and productive. (Appreciate your prayers here!)  In time, this is where I want to be:

“I don’t look back nostalgically at wonderful moments in my life, wistfully thinking the best days are behind me.  I look at them as foretastes of an eternity of better things.  The buds of this life’s greatest moments don’t shrivel and die; they blossom into greater moments, each to be treasured, none to be lost. Everything done in dependence on God will bear fruit for eternity. This life need not be wasted. In small and often unnoticed acts of service to Christ, we can invest this life in eternity, where today’s faithfulness will forever pay rich dividends.” (“Heaven”, Randy Alcorn, 2004, page 440)

And, as Randy says in the next paragraph…

The best is yet to come!  Amen!

With faith, hope and love,

Sherrie