Katrina's Joy - Share, Grow, Embrace & Discover

A Radical Feminist Defines Herself

katrina — Tue, 11 Apr 2017 15:31:18 -0400

I feel a need for me to define the queer radical feminist portion of my identity.

Feminist: The radical notion that women are people.

Radical: Smash the Patriarchal, White Supremacist, Capitalistic, Colonial systems — because all people should have the right to life, the right to pursue their dreams, and the right to be able to grow and evolve into a life based on their interests, abilities, experience, talent, training, skills, and passions.

Queer: All people should have the right to continuously discover and own their own gender identity, sexual orientation and gender expression without fear.

As a feminist, I fought for women to have the same rights and responsibilities as men. This lead me to work on reproductive rights, take back the night, lesbian rights, equal pay, and generally gender equality overall. This work is mostly in my past, but I still stand up for these beliefs.

As a radical feminist, I came to see gender itself as part of the social construct that forces people into narrowly defined roles and restricts access to the privileges afforded to heterosexual white men of wealth. This made me examine all the ways this society proscribes how I should act, what I could do and what was expected of me. I fought back by deconstructing as many systems as I could that were trying to control me especially those that were controlling me through my own internalized oppression. I pushed back hard and slowly crafted a career and a life that suited me. I also supported others who walked this path of self liberation, and found ways to help push the envelope overall wherever I could. This work is ongoing for me.

As a queer radical feminist, I came out first as a bisexual, then again as hetero-identified bisexual. I began recognizing that my own gender expression was part of my refusal to conform to the uniform of respectability associated with being a black middle-aged women with a masters degree who owns property. This work is ongoing for me.

This identity, queer radical feminist, forms the core of both my inner and outer work since I left my life as a black nationalist, and later as a Marxist. This work expanded my horizons personally and expanded the areas where I put my energy, time and talent.

All of these areas include fault lines and intersecting mosaics of privilege and oppression. For example, because I lack both male and white privilege, I often experience the effects of racism and sexism as if it were a single oppression. Others times however, I can detect clear differences between racism and sexism.

Recently, I have been struggling to navigate the fault lines associated with my cis privilege. All those years when I was figuring out how to push the boundaries of both gender expression and women rights, it never occurred to me to consider the impact of my activism on trans women. As I have expanded my awareness of both my cis privilege and the realities of trans oppression, I have felt gifted with opportunities to hear new perspectives and examine old assumptions.

So now, for example, I am coming to understand that my concept of gender as a social construct may conflict with gender identity for some trans women. And I am learning that some trans women have never had access to male privilege while others freely admit to needing to work on that privilege. Because just like African American women, trans women are also not a monolith. Each trans person has had a unique path, life experience and perspective.

My intellect finds this fascinating, and I desperately long for deep conversations over coffee, or a meal with some wine. And at the same time, I realize that in many ways we have been dropped into the deep end before many of us have learned the nuance of language necessary to even begin having a real dialogue. But here is the wrinkle, we may never be able to develop this nuance, because *trans women lives are in danger right now*.

And so I am frustrated. I am frustrated because although I am willing to put my life on the line to protect my trans sisters, I feel labeled and untrusted before I even open my mouth. Because I identify as a radical feminist, I fear that my trans sisters may not know that I am their loyal ally.

No matter how I stumble, fall and recover verbally, I am here and not just by your side. I am willing to stand in the space between— providing a barrier, a container, a fortress that not only protects, but also nurtures, comforts and loves you. (Similar to how the Christians stood in a circle so their Muslim allies could pray safely.)

And for the folks in the back… if you can understand why Black Lives Matter, then you can also grok why Trans Lives Matter.

Let’s get to work protecting these elders, sisters and daughters.

La luta continua…..

Celebrate Wildness: Feraferian Beauty & Depth

katrina — Sun, 09 Aug 2015 16:29:22 -0400

“The paradisal fellowship of Feraferia promotes the loving celebration of wilderness mysteries with grace and faerie feeling. Our goal is the unification of ecology, artistry, mythology, and liturgy. In such love-play-work humanity may achieve reunion with Great Nature, ourselves, and our own souls, before and after the transition called death. The Feraferian vision includes new inspirations and new combinations from the most ancient wellsprings of the Goddess and her realm of the Gods. They remain our guarantors of universal consciousness and eternity for each unique soul.“
Founder of Feraferia, Fred Adams, 1967

I was asked by my dear friend M. Macha Nightmare to blog about Jo Carson’s new book, Celebrate Wildness. What I did not know when I agreed to participate was just how beautiful the book was in real life. I read a pdf version which although quite poetic, did not do justice to the wealth of art within this magnificent large format book. I would suggest that, although the book describes a long standing spiritual tradition, it resembles a coffee table art book most of all.

Fred Adams was, by most accounts, an incredible artist and visionary. He and Lady Svetlana crafted liturgy and practices that are deep, mysterious, and filled with such beauty it brought tears to my eyes. Jo Carson has done an incredible job of capturing the depth and beauty in her breathtaking book.

Jo Carson's Celebrate Wildness

A fondness for the wild places is a trait I share with Adams. And it is his love for the wild that led him to envision and then create a culture, a way of life, and a spiritual tradition dedicated to the wilderness and the wildness that lives there. He recognized that wildness that continues to live inside of us as humans and built his church around bringing it back into our lives and our consciousness.

I am especially in awe of the raising of the Maiden as the cure to our collective patriarchal madness. Kore becomes more than a fair maiden who becomes swept away; she becomes the empowering life principle within us all to counter the toxic influences of our Western culture. Hail Kore! She is the cleansing and refreshing water that soothes our parched throats, washes away the ashes, and heals our burning flesh. She is the healing balm and the tsunami of change we have all been aching for in our hearts.

What impresses me further is the promotion of henges as the key tool in reconnecting our modern minds with the ancient soul work of our ancestors. And what is a henge if not an earth-based honoring of the celestial vault. Feraferia goads us further to add in local flavor by following the lines of this earth sigil and welcoming the local Fae we find along those lines into our rites. I especially love the marking of significant dates and local celebrations into the henge itself.

“Silently slumbering her limbs curl around the cold world.
Starlight floods her darkened flesh.”

The most touching of the Feraferian practices is the annual ritual of repose. Held during the time of the American Thanksgiving holiday, the Repose Sabbath is rich in dark imagery, invokes cosmic powers, and celebrates the sleeping goddess. Like all Feraferian rituals, it is filled with music, beauty, and poetry.

And in the manner of things that make you go hmmm…. Feraferia, like the Order of the Elemental Mysteries, treats the elements as two opposing pairs — Air/Earth and Fire/Water. Unlike the Order which uses this placement only in our astral temple, Feraferia uses this placement in their quarter cast circle. I found the attributions quite satisfying with Water/Winter in the North and Earth/Autumn in West.

Feraferia offers a unique vision that is simultaneously anchored within ancient practices. Jo Carson has brought to the world a tantalizing glimpse of her tradition’s depth and beauty. I look forward to her next effort in this series. Hail Kore!

Patterns of Oppression

katrina — Fri, 10 Oct 2014 20:41:47 -0400

Using the myths of classic Greece, Uranus, Cronus and Zeus, we can identify patterns of oppression within the archetypal field of patriarchy.

Within the continuing crisis in Missouri, all of these myths are at work. Starting October 22, 2014, I will expand on this topic across three weekly online seminars. Join us by registering at www.reflectionsmyst.org.

Devouring Fathers

Late last year I was thinking a lot about the mythic symbolism associated with Uranus, Cronus and Zeus. Uranus who despised his children, the Titans, even pushed his youngest children back into Gaia’s womb (into the darkest part of the underworld) causing her great pain. Uranus was defeated when Gaia gave Cronus a weapon that could dispatch his father.

Cronus, because he feared being overthrown, swallowed his children that were sired with his sister Rhea. Rhea hid Zeus from Cronus, and when Zeus grew up he freed the underworld Titans to help him to defeat his father.

The mothers aided each of the conquering sons. In the myth associated with Demeter and Persephone, it is Zeus who allows his own daughter Kore to be adducted and taken to the underworld. And once again it is Kore’s mother, Demeter, who is critical in her escape.

The reason these myths began to resonate with me was because I started thinking of my relationship with my own father and his relationship with his grandfather. In each of these myths, the fathers cripple their children’s growth and development by sending them into various symbols for the unconscious – pushing them back into the womb, swallowing them and arranging an underworld abduction. And in each case, it is the mothers who arrange the circumstances that lead to their escape.

Why do these ancient fathers need their children to remain unconscious? In The case of Uranus and Cronus, they somehow knew that their children would challenge their rule. Classically the old king must die before the young/new king can emerge.

But I believe there is more to these myths than simply the usurping of the old in preference for the new. Collectively these myths articulate the origins of patriarchy and displays the patterns of oppression within its archetypal field.

Join us online starting October 22 from 8 to 9:30 pm Eastern.

Why Talk About Myths?

katrina — Sun, 10 Feb 2013 22:21:04 -0500

“With the world going to hell in a hand-basket, why on earth are you wasting time talking about myths and fairytales?”

This is the unspoken question I face nowadays as I promote my upcoming myth series, Loss of Innocence. It is an excellent question, I must admit. There seems to be no end to the list of atrocities, scandals, political shenanigans, massacres and environmental outrages. It seems as if we either need to storm the battlements for life, liberty and justice or collectively bury our heads in the sand.

At a time like this, why would anyone want to spend her time studying those old tales of endangered children, mean middle aged women and absent fathers? Why indeed?

As I mentioned way back in one of my very first blogs, the old gods do not just fade away when their temples are destroyed. They remain in this realm by inhabiting or overshadowing those elements of nature that most resemble them in power, attitude and focus. So the gods of war haunt the battlefields and the gods of love leer suggestively in the red light districts. The gods of healing cycle through the hospital air system and the gods of knowledge sink into the libraries and lecture halls.

The same is true for the old tales.

When these old stories, like the old gods, are no longer spoken about around the glowing embers, when the dark is no longer propitiated with song and dance, and the bloodied teeth of the night terrors are no longer allowed to move freely through the words and gestures of the griot ... they take on lives of their own.

And these old tales and these old gods come alive without the mediation of culture, elders and the soul of humanity. So instead of us offering the first fruits of the harvest to the agricultural deities, we instead place monsanto derivatives into their soil of their bodies. Instead of offerings for the sweet waters of our rivers, we let industrial and superfarm waste spread diseases to all that lives down river. (And face it, we all live down river.) So the stories and the gods become distorted caricatures of their real nature. So the tortured land taints our food. And the dark tales enters the blood of the willing and terror is let loose upon the land .... and upon our very children.

So I seek answers within the words of our ancestors. Maybe we can identify why the wolf waited for Red Riding Hood instead of devouring her as soon as he found her in the woods. Or we can learn the skills of the dwarfs and rescue the lost children. Or maybe, we can strengthen our hearts, brains, homes and courage for the work that is already in our hands. And then maybe, just maybe ... we can reconcile these beasts of our own makings.

Surely it is worth a try. Join me for the first seminar on February 27th at 8 pm eastern. You can either dial in on our toll free number or join via the internet. This first session is free. Register online at www.reflectionsmyst.org

See you then.

STFU Already!

katrina — Tue, 28 Aug 2012 13:52:10 -0400

Okay, this has to be said outloud or I am going to burst.

If you are a man, and you find yourself discussing rape ...

UNLESS you ...

...have been a rape victim,

... have held a screaming, bloody woman in your arms all night so she could find some kind of peace,

.... have held a screaming bloody child for the same reason,

.... are activiely working to stop men from raping, or

... have put your body on the line to help take the night back for women,

SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT RAPE!

You have no fucking idea what you are talking about,

SO SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT RAPE!

And if you are a woman ( or a man) who cares about woman having the freedom to continue to be part of the well spring of change that it so needed in this world.

TELL THESE FUCKERS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND VOTE THEM THE HELL OUT!

that is all ...@#$%^...

Unpacking a Community Crisis - Part 2

katrina — Mon, 27 Aug 2012 13:34:24 -0400

The Open Hearth Foundation has had as it primary charter the founding of a pagan community center here in the Washington DC metro area. I had been an early critic and skeptic, because as a native Washingtonian, I have longed been irritated when things are named after my city but actually reside in Maryland or Virginia.

So in January of last year when I was invited to a local leadership summit held by OHF, I was surprised when we reached general consensus that the center actually be located in DC. At the time, I was also greatly impressed with the leadership of Iris Firemoon and Maria Aquila. They listened to our feedback, frustrations and hope.

So when the center opened this year, I was so proud of OHF but most especially damn proud of the two of them. They kept their promise and they manifested our dreams. Iris, a charismatic, hard working and seasoned leader, lead the board of OHF into its greatest success.

But OHF failed Iris in many ways.

As a community, we have a responsibility to support and protect our up and coming leaders. In my years of running groups as small as a coven to statewide organizations like Maryland NOW with close to 10,000 members, the one thing that came up over and over again was how do we grow and nurture our leaders.

One of the ways we can harm our leaders is to treat them as if they are not human or have human foibles. We do this by not building in feedback loops, open and transparent processes, and escalation procedures. These procedures not only protect the organization, they also protect our leaders from themselves.

And we failed Iris when she fell in love. We failed to protect her from herself. There should have been an automatic process that clicked in to insure that Sean was removed from a leadership position. The other concerned and alarmed board members should have known who to contact to voice their concerns. Members of the community, including myself, should have known who to contact to express our concerns.

OHF has taken steps to correct these issues, but it is way too late to help Iris. And folks like myself, who continually voiced concerns informally, waited too late to make them public. As a result we, all of us, failed Iris.

And so here we are with Iris in great pain having suffered emotional and mental abuse, feeling forced out of leadership just as she achieved her greatest success, and feeling as if her only option was to publicly air her grievances against her husband and the board of the organization she once ran.

You will notice that I never faulted Iris for blogging her pain. As a feminist, I will never seek to silence a woman. I will hold people accountable when they overstep the boundaries of fair play, or when they manipulate processes or people toward the achievement of personal goals. But I will never seek to silence a woman who speaks her truth.

This is also why I can hold compassion for Iris as a woman while critiquing her actions as a leader.

And this is a key point.

Many folks acted as if this crisis was simply about either being for Iris or against her. This is the same polarization we hear from the Tea Party, the Religious Right and the current leadership of the Republican Party.

But we as pagans can ill afford that kind of politics inside our communities. We should be able to be more nuanced. Our paths, though differing all honor the earth, the seasons, the masculine and the feminine, and the light and the dark. We literally stand at the crossroads and find ways to dance and make magick together.

And so we need to be very careful when we find ourselves being pulled for or against anything. We need to find ways to be not simply for-or-against but more broadly both/and.

I both admire and respect Iris, and believe that things went too far in the subsequent attacks on Sean. Sean may be a lot of things, both admirable and deadly. But he is also a human being. And with the attacks on him and OHF, it opened up a negative spiral that led many folks who otherwise hold to standards of acceptable behavior in public to begin making lewd, nasty and horrible statements about Iris, Sean, OHF and Firefly.

And it was because of those statements that I felt I had to step in to protect all of them in my original post. My early posts were spells to stop folks from filling the airwaves with so much toxic energy that serious debate and discussion of the core issues was extremely difficult. People were un-friending long time colleagues within social media at the drop of the hat without listening to each other or respecting legitimate differences of opinion or perspectives.

It is a sad day when members of a community cannot respectfully disagree with one another. And what hurts most of all is that we could have avoided the entire episode if we had treated Iris and her leadership as the precious natural resource it was.

And so let me be the first to apologize to Iris for not having her back when she needed us the most. I am sorry I did not sit down with you and express my concerns. I am sorry I felt compelled to just offer words of support whenever I saw you without providing real support when I knew you needed it.

I know you are angry with me right now, but that is fine and in many ways quite healthy. Be as angry as you need to be, I can take it. But also know that I will also be your biggest supporter when and if you are ready to step back in the sphere of local leadership. We at the Order are praying for your continued healing, an easy delivery of a healthy baby, and that your spiritual community continues to hold and protect you.

You have my respect and love.

Sincerely,
Katrina Messenger

Unpacking a Community Crisis

katrina — Thu, 23 Aug 2012 16:53:12 -0400

Last week, I had very different goals when I entered the fray concerning Firefly House and OHF. Last week, my colleague Eridanus and I were simply trying with various degrees of success to calm down the vitriol and testeria(1) that was rampant in the various social media channels.

But this week is a different week. And with folks on either side either licking their wounds or patting themselves on their collective backs, it is now time to unpack what actually happened. If we as a community are to truly heal, we must extract from this painful episode any lessons that would help us in the future should a similar crisis occur, and we need to collectively hold accountable the guilty parties.

There is a lot of ground to cover so I am going to take my time in this effort since *I* am under no pressure to hurry my efforts.

So I am beginning with the Pagan Newswire collective and its Washington, DC branch, Capital Witch. Let us start with the recent statement from PNC in regards to the Capital Witch article that ignited the firestorm.

I am old school in many ways, and as an activist for over forty years, I have a long history of discerning what is hidden in plain sight. So my rule has always been if a group refuses to be specific and makes grandiose statements, something is hidden in the details. And vice versa, if a group provides way too many details, something is lurking in the larger picture.

PNC produced a statement that groups what happened here in DC with something unrelated that happened in a bureau in the Bay Area of northern California. The message here is that the PNC is diligent in policing their bureaus. “We are on the job!” This is the purpose of the Corrections portion of most daily newspapers as well. “We will hunt down all inaccuracies no matter how minor!”

But just like the correction section of the Post for example will never feature an admission of “I failed to do my job as a reporter and just parroted a press release only later to find out that a government agency is *actually* capable of lying!” Publishing a correction is not the same as having a culture of transparency, journalistic excellence, objective investigation, and attention to detail.

So now let’s take our time and look at what is published by the PNC as part of their reflective process. Three things jump out at me immediately.

1. If the DC bureau staff person, Jen Moore, was the one with the most objective stance, why wasn’t she the one to at least review the article?

What is missing here is that the bureau chief, David Salisbury, not only made the decision to not wait for Jen Moore to write the article, but he also made the decision to bypass the entire internal mechanism of the DC bureau in reviewing the article. Most of the other staff in the local bureau have substantial journalistic credentials. So the question becomes, why were these people in particular omitted from the process?

One possible theory is that the local folks would have recognized that all the sources were Firefly members or supporters. They also would have caught that Literata was being quoted out of context. They might even have taken the time to get quotes from other parties relevant to the article. They could have definitely corrected the biased tone by adding actual facts about OHF funding and fiscal health. At the very least someone could have checked whether Iris actually complain to the OHF before launching her public article(And the answer is ... no).

2. So the PNC Managing Editor was receiving calls and emails asking for the issue to be covered. Why would any local disinterested party contact the national bureau to ask that a local issue be covered?

What is missing here is the identities of the folks calling for coverage. I highly suspect that they were all Firefly people. Why? Because who else but the creators of a press release would ask that someone in a perceived position of power to pay attention to it.

This is a tactic straight out of both grassroots organizing and the music business. Write a press release then call the editors of the newspaper asking them to cover the issue. Or sending a demo tape to a producer then call radio stations asking them to play the record.

And really, how come this did not occur to the Managing Editor that it could have been a possible ruse to get publicity? Do they not ask for organizational affiliations from their sources?

3. “The article was presented to the Executive Editor as a group-written piece ...” and “This was not written by three or more journalists. “ Okay, this is painful say but when something is presented as being written by a group and it is discovered that it was written by an individual, there is a word for that. It is called a LIE! And calling it unacceptable is ... basically ... unacceptable.

But more to the point, why was it called a group piece when it clearly was written by an individual, one David Salisbury? This is another question that the PNC failed to ask.

Initially I thought that the only reason I could see for pretending the article was a group effort was to hide behind Capital Witch instead of taking the heat personally. But I now think that something else was amiss in this process. But before I go into that with more detail, let’s keep unpacking this issue.

So now we see that there is a legitimate set of questions that it appears that the PNC failed to ask or worse probably did not even realized was needed to be asked.

But we are left with these questions and what they could possibly mean in the context of this article? Well let’s restate the questions as statements.

The Washington, DC bureau chief bypassed all local processes to send a controversial article to the national bureau for review. He also lied about the process that produced the article (or to be generous, he failed to correct a misunderstanding). At the same time, members of the religious/spiritual community who authored the press release and of which the DC bureau chief is a High Priest are sending emails and calling this same national bureau asking that this issue be covered.

So let’s step back and ask ourselves what this looks like to the average person?

I tell you what it looks like to me, and that is a concerted campaign by Firefly House to get the PNC in general and Capital Witch in particular to join in their libelous campaign against Sean Bennett.

It was bad enough that Firefly jumped all the way to Def Con level 1 by withdrawing their funds from OHF without seeking internal measures of solving any problems or concerns. But to endanger an entire community center because Iris Firemoon was angry at her husband and so manipulated national and community resources to get back at him is contemptible on a good day.

People in this community worked hard to get this center. Iris was a part of a long history of individuals and groups pulling together to make it possible. And to literally treat the center and the people who run it as fodder for her intra-marital battles is beneath contempt.

Iris Firemoon, David Salisbury, and the entire Firefly community owes the rest of us, and OHF in particular, a huge apology.

Sincerely,
Katrina Messenger

1: Hysteria has at its roots a belief that women are highly susceptible to fits of exaggerated or uncontrollable emotion. Some old school feminists sometimes uses the term Testeria as fair play

Two Elders Respond to OHF Issues

katrina — Thu, 09 Aug 2012 10:30:00 -0400

Notes from a few elders

It has come to our attention recently that the ending of Iris Firemoon’s marriage to Sean Bennett has ignited a firestorm that has engulfed our new Pagan Community Center and the OHF. It is unfortunate of course, but we humans tend to have loves, loss and lives beyond even our most esteemed values and dreams.

We send our love and prayers of comfort to Iris. She obviously is in great pain. She deserves support and understanding, and her spiritual community should surround her with love and compassion.

We send love also to Sean Bennett, because he too must be suffering from the airing of the personal and intimate details of his private life. May he find comfort and support as well.

Being older yet mindful of our youthful transgressions, we are well aware that often relationships that begin with a fiery passion must surely end as well in a fiery rage. It is the way things work, but it still is painful for all concerned.

And for this we offer our love, compassion, understanding and support to all affected by the end of this relationship.

And having been in leadership positions in more than a few organizations over the decades, we also understand how interpersonal issues can obfuscate the mission, goals and activities of groups as diverse as political parties, unions, churches, nonprofits, advocacy/social justice organizations, and businesses.

We are human, and we bring out humanity into everything we do in the world, it is inevitable.

And so we offer two suggestions to the OHF in the interest of learning from this painful episode.

1. We suggest a bylaws change to the effect that board members cannot be involved with other board members in an intimate relationships, as business owners, work for the same boss, have supervisory relationships or be related by marriage or blood. If two or more board members find their soulmate on the board, all but one needs to resign.

2. And although many would feel otherwise, we feel that Sean’s membership on the board is currently a liability that OHF can ill afford. Regardless of how you come down on the dissolution of their marriage, the board and by extension our community center cannot operate effectively while this scandal is alive.

There was a time, that Katrina Messenger faced a similar issue with her membership on the board of a nationally recognized organization. Despite being innocent of any wrongdoing, a whisper campaign against her was making it difficult for the board to operate. So she resigned in the interest of the organization's health and well being.

We do not think Sean is guilty of anything except being human and fallible just like the rest of us. So this is not a condemnation of him in any way. We just think the fallout from his marriage’s dissolution is harming the community center. And we as a community could be better served by his stepping down from the board to become maybe a volunteer of some sort if he so desires.

Now we know that our opinions are just one among many, many opinions. But we hope that our input can be heard at the very least by those whose hearts, like our own, are in great pain because of all that has transpired as of late.

And to put our money where our mouth is, so to speak, we freely offer our spiritual counseling services to all parties involved in this issue. And further, we are willing to act as mediators for all the offended parties.

We just love our interlacing, overlapping, beautifully diverse communities of pagans. And so we pray for the best possible outcome with the least harm to all concerned.

In service and blessings
Katrina Messenger
Eridanus Kummerow

SBF ISO SM for Love

katrina — Wed, 01 Aug 2012 18:26:35 -0400

You would think that in today’s cultural/social climate that no one would have to come out of the closet ... as straight. But you would be wrong.

For almost twenty years now, I have publicly stated my bisexual orientation as a form of truth telling. I call it truth telling because during my years as a NOW activist, my referring to myself as straight seemed like a lie. Not that I was dating women, or sleeping with women or even lusting after women in general. It felt like a lie because I knew that I had deep feeling for a handful of women that I had not acted upon because of my fear of rejection. Granted, there were hundreds of men I had not approached for the same reason, but calling myself straight felt like a convenient lie.

So in the early nineties, I came out as bisexual.

Then something went awry.

Suddenly, I wasn’t a straight woman owning up to bisexual tendencies, I became in the eyes of others a lesbian being .... magnanimous?!?!?

But now I was in a quandary.

Do I make a statement like, “I am not now nor have I ever been ... a lesbian.” Or keep silent to strengthen our solidarity? I identify as queer for reasons other than my sexual orientation, but when *is* it appropriate to, “draw lines of demarcation” as we Marxists use to say?

It is all coming to a head in a hurry because I am explicitly pursuing a quest for love. I am letting all my friends know I am available. But it occurred to me, that for them to “help a sister out”, they have to know *what* I am looking for in terms of a mate.

And so after publicly requesting a love spell during Michael Smith’s recent Runes class, I felt it was time for me to come out of the closet ... as straight .... or rather as a het-identified bisexual cis woman.

Thanks for listening.

The Father World

katrina — Thu, 03 May 2012 14:19:08 -0400

There is a lot of misunderstanding and misconceptions when it comes to the field of psychology. These issues often are compounded by misleading terminology that reflect the utter lack of self-awareness plus frankly a good deal of misogyny amongst the early psychologists.

This is especially true when psychologists refer to the psychological concepts of Mother and Father. Early feminists were correct to be suspicious if not all out hostile to the “blame the mother” brand of psychotherapy. Especially since those views were politically used to literally push women back into the domestic sphere.

But what was missing from the public discourse was the specific meanings early psychologists attached to the terms, Mother and Father. And although the early definitions were gender based, the deeper meanings were not intended to refer to one’s actual mother and father.

If we were defining these terms today, we would probably use terms like inner and outer, or domestic and cultural when referring to the differing spheres of influence.

The Mother world referred to the domestic realm, which included one’s family, along with possibly your close friends and neighbors. The Father world was the realm outside of the domestic realm, including your job if it was not a family business. Most institutions exist in the Father world, i.e. government and business. And depending on your cultural affiliations, your church, health care providers and entertainment could exist in either world. For example, if your primary form of entertainment was singing around the dinner table, it was Mother world. If you went to nightclubs, concerts and theaters, it was Father world. The doctor which cared for your entire family and made regular house calls was more Mother world. If the doctors at the local hospital knew all of your children names ... it was borderline.

Each of the worlds require a certain orientation, a way of handling oneself in relation to the requirements of each world. We learn these approaches from one’s parents or parental figures as a child. And this is where the confusion sets in. Either parent or parental figure can teach you about both worlds. But early psychologists assumed that mothers teach the Mother world portion and fathers teach the Father world portion exclusively -- and thus the problems with the nomenclature is revealed.

Mother world orientation provides lessons of intimacy, boundaries, how to care for oneself. Concrete skills include how to make your bed, brush your teeth, eat at a table, use a bathroom ... all the way up to how relate to others in ways that are loving and respectful. An astute reader will recognize the association with the lower four chakras. We can also see how and why this orientational training is so easily associated with our actual mothers. However we learn the Mother world skills from everyone involved in our upbringing which can include fathers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, babysitters and early teachers.

And depending on your cultural heritage, almost anyone in a parental role can be the source of Father world orientation. So what are concrete Father world skills?

Father world skills include things like how to create a budget, pay bills, dress for an interview, how to talk to potential employers, how to behave in a restaurant, knowing when you are not safe, knowing who to trust or distrust ... all the way up to how to show up to work on time and how to stand up for yourself. And here you will notice the alignment with the solar plexus up to the third eye.

I am simplifying the list of skills, but if you think about it for awhile almost anyone can come up with lists of what one should learn from each world.

I noticed that the differences between the Mother and Father worlds has been coming up in my spiritual counseling sessions a lot lately. And this is worth noting for a variety of reasons.

Most of us are acutely aware of the repercussions of a faulty Mother world orientation. We see people who cannot take care of themselves; hell many of us need remedial lessons in self care like getting adequate sleep, nutrition and playtime.

But the inadequacy of Father world orientation can come as a surprise to most of us. Almost everywhere I look, I see people who are missing key components of the Father world orientation. Culturally we can see whole portions of the national debate missing a basic understanding of simple maxims like, “give from your surplus”, “invest in your future”, “you don’t get something for nothing”, or “judge folks by their actions, not their words.”

Often Mother world maxims like “you will attract more with honey than with vinegar” are inappropriately applied to the Father world where the the maxim is closer to “treat a person with respect and you can gain a customer.” I cannot tell how many times I have walked out of a store because a salesperson refused to just listen to me, and instead put on a fake smile and tried to oversell.

Mother world orientational training is where you learn how to care for yourself and your family. Father world orientational training is where you learn how to be a responsible member of society. We have culturally been blaming women and mothers for over a century. I think it is high time we admit that the problem may actually be a neglectful and missing Father.