I'm Katsigner

Wouldn't I Be Not Happy About It??

noreply@blogger.com (Katie Zoey Ho) — Sat, 19 Oct 2013 07:27:00 +0000

The Art of The Shoes competition voting is still on... In fact very competitive... Seriously the power of social media, it's really influential I sould say... And as of 2:43pm, I stand at 490 votes!!! All thanks to my friends and family support!!!

I stand at 490 votes as of 2:43pm today...

Here are the sketches for my submission;
3 designs for ballerina flats, heel and a platform wedge sandals...

Yes, I'm still in unbelief that I got in just because I'm not a designer by training and I've seen designs that's even better... I was shocked to know I was one of the top 8... I'm even more glad to know from some of my friends' honest opinion that my designs are one of the nicest and I do stand a chance in winning... Well, thanks for all these compliments which give me strength and encouragement... However, this is only just voting... The ultimate winner will be determined by the judges on 8th January 2014 which I'd have to present my designs and concepts to them... I'm not sure how much chance I'll stand in buying the judges over but these shoes are something I'd like to have as a woman; colourful and whimsical which is lacking in my wardrobe... I always wanted to own a nice pair of espadrille but I just couldn't find one that is my style... Just to share a little inspiration behind this... I'm using the Flower of Life geometry concept to create those overlapping curves on the shoes together with strong vibrant rainbow colours which I think it's very fun to have them as summer colours... The added touch of espadrilles was an additional texture to balance the vibrant colour use so that it doesn't look so stern and serious... Fun, bright and whimiscal... Isn't this what most young girls like to have?? I personally like bright vibrant colours because they tend to brighten up your days and give you some sunshine in life...

So happy to learn that the organizers are prototyping my shoes and will be worn by runway models... I'm looking forward to see my designs coming into life more than wining the competition as this is something I never had it happened before in my life... Seeing your works turn into life and get worn by models is a feel of accomplishment... I know it's a rare chance and I got it via God's grace... Though speechless still, I just want to give thanks... Voting is still on till 6th January 2014, I'm not sure how can I get so many votes at the end, but do continue to support me if you can by placing a vote here, under my name which is at the last row...

For those out there who vote for me, my deepest thanks and gratitude to you guys in believing my designs... Thank you so much!!!

Yes! I'm One of the Finalists...

noreply@blogger.com (Katie Zoey Ho) — Fri, 18 Oct 2013 17:22:00 +0000

So after weeks of cafe hopping, my time was really getting more and more free... Thank God I still have some interests on hand that I could explore... So what I've been doing for the past week are just busying scrapping because I managed to be a guest designer for The Art Republic!!!! Yeah!! I was so happy that Jean, the owner is willing to give me this chance to explore my creativity which is something I love to do... So catch on my upcoming classes here... I'm so excited for this and I hope I can do this for long term, I hope...

Another thing I'd like to announce is I got into top 8 finalist for The Art of Shoes Design Competition!!! Ok, this is something I never expect I'll get because I'm taking part as part of the shoes sketches workshop organized by Taf.tc since I only need to pay $30 for a full 4 day course and get a chance to participate... Since I'm jobless and time are hard to get a job now, might as well fulfil my days by doing something more constructive... I also took part a sustainable fashion competition which is an international based compeition, however I didn't get to represent Singapore for this which is something I wanted it more... Nonetheless, somehow I got into something... Well, I'm trying to get votes for my designs I hope to gain some popularity here... So people who has bumped into here, please show your support for my designs under my name, Katie Zoey Ho which is at the last row on the voting page...

My grand finale will be on 8th January 2014 at The Cathy... The organizers are prototyping my designs and will be worn by runway models to showcase them... An ultmate winner determine by the judges will get a trip to Milan... So exiciting!!! Whether will I be the winner or not, I guess that's not the point because it's the experience that counts...

For those who know or don't know me, and have given your support to my designs, a big thank you from me... I hope in days to come should I become a designer, I hope I can come out with great designs....

Day 8 & 9 of Cafe Hopping

noreply@blogger.com (Katie Zoey Ho) — Sat, 24 Aug 2013 15:15:00 +0000

August is coming to an end... Time really flies... It also marks the week that I've lost my job for about 1.5 weeks... It seems seriously long to me but in actual fact it's only just 13 days!!! Cafe hopping does makes me feel I'm busy with work; the usual not enough time feel is still there while I was working though things are different for now... I still feel sad on my job lost... If I didn't approach my GM to talk about my talent-placement problem I've been facing, probably I can still be in the job for a little longer... Since it had happened, there's no more "ifs" now... For the very least, I dare to speak up and have no regrets... I know I've done the right thing even the outcome was not I'd want to see... Neither I think it's fair for anyone (so long you're a human being with flesh & blood) to be treated in this manner...

Yesterday, I had an interview with a recruiter in the morning around Raffles Place area... With a heavy heart, I went into the office without any expectations that I could get a job within this year... My instincts were right, the amount of job opportunities are really very scarce... Since I've nothing to lose, I was very honest about my situation to the recruiter... Throughout our entire conversation, I got to realize my difficulties in getting a job... Besides my age, my portfolio didn't showcase any form of specialties that I could leverage on to advance my career within my industry... I felt really upset... Reality has finally set in, real harsh this time round and I'd have to say I can't have that kind of hope for this time round... Since I'd have to start from zero, this really set me thinking real deep on exactly what I want to do... It was clear and I know deep within my inner voice - I do love fashion and design a lot, so much that I've been hiding for the past 10 years but yet without the courage to step out to try... I need to regain that design sense of mine and find my own identity... Though I still feel upset on what had happened to me, in no time I'd have to pull my ass off and start moving... I don't have that much time left...

These 2 days of cafe hopping gave me very deep insights on what I really want to do... Courage is still lacking, but I'm moving ahead which is a good starting point... I pray real hard I can hold on to it and never lose grab on what I've... Moving on, I headed to Dimbulah cafe at Change Alley after my interview with the recruiter... Thought of having a proper breakfast, very unfortunately the Aussie Toast I ordered was just plain ham and cheese sandwiched, toasted... This costed me 5 bucks over!!! I think it's just too expensive and it doesn't tastes very special... So I had their cappuccino which I think it's acceptable... The coffee art was just not that enticing...

Cappuccino...

After my so call late breakfast, I headed down to Orchard Sephora to get one of the items I had bought the day before for an exchange...Got myself a cream espresso eye liner from Laura Mercier... I tried not to shop too much since I'm out of job... But sometimes, I just couldn't help it... So, in order to stop all these excuses and nonsense, I went ahead to my next stop which is The Orange Thimble within Tiong Bahru area... The cafe is just next to Tiong Bahru Bakery!!! Surprisingly, it was really quiet as I entered the cafe... Due to the peace there, I stayed there for a very long time before I head down to Taf.tc for my evening class... Since I didn't have lunch, I decided to have their Chicken Stew and a cup of Floral tea... The stew was nice but not really fantastic... But for a light lunch, the light taste did make my stomach a good favour... The tea, however was kinda sour and I think I should just order an Earl Grey instead...

The taxi-stand lampshade; done by Casey Chen as a gift to them...

Near the Entrance...

The bar area...

The Floral tea...

Chicken stew with Baguette & salad...

Revealing of the word "Delicious" after uncovering the stew...

This marked the end of my Day 8 of cafe hopping... Looking forward, my sister agreed to bring me to the cafe she went the other day with her friends, after I saw what she has posted on Instagram... It was along Jalan Riang area, which is very near my Serangoon house and within walk-able distance from NEX shopping centre... I managed to uncover quite a number of interesting cafes along that stretch... Without hesitation, for this weekend, we just hop 2 cafes along that area... We went to Rokeby for lunch as our first stop... My sister ordered their Fish & Chip and a Hot Chocolate while I tried their Ribeye Steak and Ice Cappuccino... I'd think the food is good, just that it's kinda salty especially the fish and the steak red wine sauce... The fries for the fish and chip unfortunately is not very well done - it doesn't tastes that good... I learned from their website that they import Aussie coffee beans for all their coffees... I was so looking forward to have a taste in their coffees there... Too bad, I shouldn't have ordered ice coffee... But anyway, the ice cappuccino looks good... I still think sugar syrup should be served with ice coffees since not all people love to drink bitter coffee... Sad to say, this is something most baristas have neglected...

Freo Fish & Chips...

Ribeye Steak in red wine jus...

Hot Chocolate...

Ice Cappuccino...

Having some space for desserts, we walked a few steps ahead to Wimbly Lu Chocolates, the cafe my sister agreed to bring me over... As recommended, we ordered their in-house unique specialty, the Root Beer Chocolate Cake with Vanilla ice-cream, Chocolate Creme Brulee, Classic Hot Chocolate and Mayan Chocolate drinks... For this session, it was way too chocolaty... LOL!! A great endorphin booster!!

Root Beer Chocolate Cake with Vanilla ice-cream...

Chocolate creme brulee...

Mayan Hot Chocolate...

This reached a total of 19 cafes I've visited since the day I had lost my job... Well, the completion of visiting 20 cafes is almost reaching... By then, I should seriously think what I should do next and move on quickly... I'd miss cafe hoping and I'll not just end here...

Day 7 of Cafe Hopping

noreply@blogger.com (Katie Zoey Ho) — Thu, 22 Aug 2013 15:37:00 +0000

Sad... Today I'm really sad, at this point of time as I'm blogging this entry... How messier can my life be? I wonder... It's another sad day for me... I've been struggling for the longest period of time in my entire life especially my marriage and the things I really want to do... It's never easy to step out and make drastic changes in life... Sometimes you just want to stay where you are and hope things will get better as time goes by... Unfortunately, when reality kicks in, you know the more your drag, the worst it will become...

Yes, I'm reaching at this point where I'm still sorting my emotions and very much wanted to brave up and be courageous to make a decision, that's clear so that I could move on... I can never escape the exploration stage where options are always available... How I wish there's only one option so that I don't have to go through this phase which can be torturing...

As I cafe hop, keeping myself occupy does makes my life a little busier and I feel I'm occupied with something... Guess I had enough of that and have to force and push myself forward to get things sorted out ASAP, or else I can never move on... Running in circles is no joke and no one really likes that... As such is life, this is human life... We all have such lowest point in our life at least once in our lifetime... Seems scary but it's a fact of life...

Well, as such is life, I still need to move on and in no time, I really pray darn hard that I can find a way out soon...

Since I'd be in Orchard area this morning, I decided to visit Pique Nique at Takashimaya for lunch after my morning appointment... As usual, I'm always undecided in the food I'd want to take, that's why I always have a food problem... As I had pasta yesterday, I wouldn't want to take any for today... Therefore, I ordered their burger, Mushroom Swiss Burger and a cup of Cappuccino... The burger was really too big for me, I can't finish it... Perhaps that's me, I usually can't finish a full burger except for fast food burgers which are mostly in petite sizes... For this, it's a regular... Food is ok, edible but not very palatable... I hardly can find nice burgers that really suits my palate as I've pretty fussy taste buds... But I was disappointed with the coffee... It's too milky and creamy... Pretty much to do with the kind of milk they are using... It's just not something I like...

Cappuccino...

Mushroom Swiss Burger...

Thinking of heading to Paris Baguette at Wisma Atria after lunch for a nice coffee and perhaps a Tiramisu to compensate the disappointed coffee I had at Pique Nique, however I was completely turned off by the messy queue and crowd within the cafe... I got to know this cafe when I was in Korea but never get a chance to visit it before I came back to Singapore... So finally, they opened a branch here as of late last year which I only got to know it recently about their existence... Well, I should say the open foodcourt style concept for cafes is just sucky... I don't really like that... So, I walked away and head to Ciel Patisserie for better French pastries and cakes... At the time I arrived at the cafe, the neighbourhood is so bloody quiet... How could such a gem cafe hidden in such places?? Anyways, it was their teatime special; any cake/pastry and a cup of tea at $6.80... What a steal!! So I got myself a Fuji and a cup of Sakura for this special teatime...

Fuji; matcha with lychee...

Sakura tea; green tea with rose and other florals...

Yes, their cakes are really good... And reasonably priced for such nice quality French cakes... Despite the small size of the cafe, I noticed they have a constant flow of customers coming in to get their cakes and pastries which really speaks a lot about the kind of food they are serving... So for this new gem found in secluded area, I don't have to go all the way to Orchard/MBS area to spend a hefty amount to get nice cakes/pastry... This is good enough and it's so near my place... It's really a steal!!!

Day 6 of Cafe Hopping

noreply@blogger.com (Katie Zoey Ho) — Wed, 21 Aug 2013 15:09:00 +0000

Recently, there's a lot of unpleasant things happening... Especially about myself, my career, my marriage as well as my family... Seems like it's a mess!!! At around 10am this morning, I received a call from my sister crying over the phone... She was in pain, great pain... She couldn't move 'cos she has hurt her back while carrying my niece last night and it so happened this morning it got worse... So, she don't have a choice but to call an ambulance to ferry her to the hospital...

~Sign~ Yesterday morning was my brother who is suffering from hemorrhoids... He can't walk properly and gave me a call yesterday telling me he was making his way to the hospital... He may need a surgery... Luckily, he doesn't need one as it was too small for surgery and it might cause more pain, hence he was asked to go home to rest for 5 days... 'Cos I'm the only one in the family who can understand medical terms, able to comprehend surgical procedure as well as basic medicine, it's very natural for them to approach me to handle such situations... On the other hand, as I've lost my job I've too much time to spare...

Seriously, not really a pleasant day to start with especially while I'm still coping with my emotions; trying to get them sorted out after so many things had happened... I felt like giving up, not wanting to do anything and just get into debauchery... In the end, I decided to buck up and get my ass moving, as per plan and continue to cafe hop... Again, I set off slightly later due to my sister's call... Because of this, I've met and befriend Azia at my first cafe stop, Kith Cafe... Yeah, I know you are reading my blog...

The signboard; taken while I was seated inside...

The bar...

The dining area...

My original intention was to have breakfast there before meeting Euzart, unfortunately at the time I arrived at the cafe, it was consider lunch hours... Since I need lunch, really need lunch more than coffee, I ordered their Mushroom Aligo Olio and a 3/4 Latte... The pasta was well cooked till Al dente, but not the best Aligo Olio... I think my version is better... LOL!!! I heard they serve nice coffees that entice quite a number of Australians... Perhaps not for Lattes, all I could taste is milk... Even Azia's cappuccino wasn't that good as what she told me... So, we had a good chat... Seriously, I never thought of hitting it off so well with a stranger... Moreover, over at a cafe... I'd think it all started off with Kate Spade bags; both of us are carrying Kate Spade's bags...

Mushroom Aligo Olio... It was served pipping hot...

3/4 Latte...

It was nice to see Euzart again... Each time I get to meet him, his hair colour is always different... As usual, for this time round, pink, blonde and purple... What other colours I had missed, I couldn't tell... Anyway, despite an additional spending of $220 for a cocktail dress, I got back a bunch of very useful advice from him and Susan... I've been wanting to do fashion, it's just that I didn't really pursue it seriously 10 years back and continue on within the Life Science/Healthcare industry... Since I've lost my job (all thanks to my GM's poor people management & screwed up management), I've reached a point of challenging my myself in taking the very first step... The willingness to give up what I used to have and where I've gotten to, and be courageous in taking up the humble pie to start from ground zero is never easy... I've earned peanuts, got exploited, being ill-treated and finally got very well paid from my last job... All these, even I didn't acquired a certain level of experiences I did work my way to where I was... My last position has entirely screwed my career, wasted my time... Even I'm gonna move forward, it's gonna be a different learning curve for me... Since I'd be at such a cross point, I'm really thinking hard where I should head; Fashion or Science?? I'd have to get this sorted out soon...

Moving on, I moved towards Plaza Singapura and landed myself at Hoshino Coffee after finding out that Tea Cosy has closed its business... Sad... But Hoshino is not my first time visit, it's my third time there... Perhaps I shouldn't consider as a stop itself... However, as usual I ordered their Hand Drip Coffee and a Pancake Souffle... Except for their Matcha Souffle, I should say the rest of the souffles are worth waiting... This is something special about this cafe... Other than that, the only other special is their Hand Drip Coffee which is rich in aroma... Smell good, but not the texture itself... Perhaps it's a characteristics of black coffee that I could never learn to appreciate...

The signboard... At the entrance...

The interior...

Hand Drip Coffee...

The tiny milk jug that comes with the coffee...

Pancake souffle... Always served fresh...

Day 5 of Cafe Hopping

noreply@blogger.com (Katie Zoey Ho) — Tue, 20 Aug 2013 15:23:00 +0000

Yes!! Today is sooooo much better... Soooo much quieter and peaceful... Plus I only took one coffee for the entire day!!!

So, I had Pepper Lunch at AMK Hub with my ex-colleague prior in heading down to The Coffee Daily which is situation around Serangoon Garden Estate... I had lived around Serangoon area for over 30 years, I didn't know there's one such corner of shop-houses hidden inside of Serangoon Garden... As I entered into the cafe... Hmmm~ Nice~ and Vintage... What I like about today, it was real quiet here which really gave me the peace I want compared to yesterday... Yesterday's cafe hopping was an awful one...

The Entrance...

The interior...

Anyway, I ordered a Caramel Mocha and a slice of their Straits Cake... Finally, a mocha that does tastes like mocha... And I do taste caramel, so it's really what it speaks - Caramel Mocha... The only thing is the temperature of the drink; it was served lukewarm... I like the sweetness when served, but 'cos of the temperature, as the drink cools down it made the coffee even sweeter... Plus the Straits Cake itself was relatively sweet, I was having double sweetness of everything I ate... Nice to have some sweetness here as these give me a good boast of endorphin... But I guess it's a little too sweet...

Caramel Mocha...

The Straits Cake...

Due to the peace, I stay at The Coffee Daily for quite some time before heading to Lola' Cafe... Another vintage cafe!!! I wonder where they get those old traditional sewing pedals as feet of their dining tables... Nonetheless, it was unique.. I deliberately reach there around 5ish pm to catch an early dinner, however they only serve dinner from 6pm onwards... Oh sad, cannot have real food, only small bites, desserts and coffee/tea...

The Entrance...

The pedal...

The bar...

Well, from the entire menu, I spotted a salad; Avocado with Tuna Salad which I think I could just have it as dinner... Limiting myself to have my last coffee at 4pm latest, I refrained myself in ordering one at Lola's (though I was really tempted), otherwise I might have a hard time sleeping at night... Hence, I got the Hibiscus tea... I was actually having tea for my eleventh cafe visit!!! LOL!!! Tea was so-so, definitely not the nicest Hibiscus tea I had... As for the salad, I was a bit disappointed 'cos first, I disliked mesh-up tuna... Not much choice, that's the only salad available on the menu... And second, I don't think the vegs are fresh as they don't really look like it... However, for the portion and the generous amount of avocados, I should say the price of it is quite worth it...

Hibiscus tea...

Avocado with Tuna Salad...

So this marked the day... Mood is getting better... Good!! I'm seeing improvement... Moving on, once I'm done enough of cafe hopping, it's time to really think real hard what am I going to do next...

Day 4 of Cafe Hopping

noreply@blogger.com (Katie Zoey Ho) — Mon, 19 Aug 2013 15:18:00 +0000

I should say today was a disappointment... I wasn't feeling any happier in all the cafes I've visited... Sad... Well, perhaps it's my bloody low mood today... I got to see something in my marriage that truly upsets me so much that I just don't have the mood... So it wasn't really a good day for me...

In order not to get myself into a state of unhappiness, looking forward I chose Department of Caffeine at 15 Duxton Road as my first stop today... Information I got in getting there is seriously misleading... The nearest MRT stop is actually Chinatown, not Outram Park... This made me walk quite a distance under the hot sun... Pissed~

As I entered the cafe, it was quite packed!! Yeah, it was the lunch crowd and I should head out a little earlier to avoid this... But I didn't due to some emotional clearance at home prior in getting out... Reviews I read about D.O.C is all about their coffee, so I was really hopping my first coffee can perk me up a little... Unfortunately... Not exactly; I guess I had ordered a coffee and food that didn't go well with my mood... But the server at the cashier was really patient with me (despite a queue behind me) when giving me some recommendations and explained to me what is Aeropress, which is something I spotted on the menu... The moment I heard it's just black, no milk no sugar... It was a turn off for me 'cos I never drink coffee in just black... Once I took it with Natasha while I was in Hopkins, the bitterly taste just turn me off completely... Well, anyways even the server has given me a wide recommendations for me to choose from (even their signature chocolate drinks), I decided to be challenging and went ahead ordering the Aeropress... I was actually looking for real food; LUNCH... But 'cos of the queue behind, I was kinda "pressurized" and hastily ordered the Dory Dippers... Goodness it's finger food!!! How could I ever order something like that for lunch??? Unforgivable; I was too emotionally constipated by compromising my stomach... Hate that moment seriously... The acidic taste of Aeropress with deep fried Dory Dippers really dampen my mood further... Definitely not an endorphin booster... I should have ordered their chocolate drink instead...

D.O.C Entrance...

Aeropress, supposed to drink pure black with no sugar and milk..

Dory Dippers...

Feeling a desperate need for a good shot of endorphin, instead of heading to Nylon Coffee Roasters at Everton Park as originally planned, I geared toward Just Want Coffee around the same area to have some food since Nylon only served coffees and I heard they have limited space... Besides the quietness and space given, I don't find the environment interesting... I should probably just get their Lattes but I didn't... Again, bad choice... I ordered another black coffee - Ice Caramel Coffee Drip... And a crepe cake with 3 layers of different flavours... Seriously, what's wrong with me today??? Black coffee is not a good mood booster!!! I just got updated via Nylon Coffee Facebook that they've upgraded their space... I should have just gone there as originally planned... Damn!!!

The bar...

Ice Caramel Coffee Drip...

Crepe Cake with 3 layers of different flavours...

Moving on, as planned... I went to Strangers' Reunion... It was about 4ish pm as I reached there, thinking perhaps I could have a really early dinner before heading to Taf.tc for class... As I entered the cafe, it was bloody crowded, seriously crowded... Plus the noise level, I felt polluted and wanted to leave... However, since I was already there and it's still early to head down to Tiong Bahru, I just stayed on and ordered a Piccolo Latte, hoping this can perk my mood meter up a little... The Latte came in quite small size!!! Just 'cos it's opened by Ryan Tan, a two time National Barista Champion, it must be good... That's what I thought... Oh crap, it didn't lift my mood up... I seriously don't find it fantastic... The outcome of such product when your cafe gets too popular... The sense of touch, feel of the heart is too commercial... It's a no feeling coffee, making it for the sake of fulfilling the customers' demand... Almost equivalent to McDonald's fast food coffee... Sad... Nonetheless, I stayed there till close to 5pm and I headed off to Tiong Bahru...

Piccolo Latte...

Since I still need a dinner, in order to offset the amount of coffee acid I had today (I had 2 blacks OK!!), I opted O'Coffee Club for their Classic Caesar Salad with smoked salmon... This dinner was really awfully bitter... The salmon were overly salty, the dressing was way too sourish... A complete turn off!!! How could the chef not taste the food and yet have the cheek to serve customer with such awful salad??? Seriously, I should have gone to Soup Spoon for the salad instead!!! Seriously, this is awfully disappointing...

Caesar Salad with smoked salmon...

What a day... Everything not within my expectations, whatever I ordered were so so wrong... Well, for the very least, I still managed to enjoy the class I'm having at Taf.tc this evening which didn't end my day that badly afterall...

Weekend Cafe Hopping

noreply@blogger.com (Katie Zoey Ho) — Sat, 17 Aug 2013 15:39:00 +0000

Yes, I've kinda addicted to cafe hopping in a way since day one I'm doing this... Since I already had an appointment with Browhaus for a touch-up for my brows at Raffles City Shopping Centre, I was thinking perhaps I could do some cafe visiting there after that...

So, on my way to City Hall, I was checking which cafe I can visit... As it was a Saturday, I reckon it could get quite crowded so I'd have to limit myself to one visit... After reading a review, I decided to pop by Costa Coffee... I've been to Raffles City S.C for so many times, I only gave a few glances on that cafe and I never even thought of stepping in... Why?? 'Cos before cafe hopping, I was too obsess over Starbucks... Each time I want coffee, first thought Starbucks, Starbucks & Starbucks... Now, everything changes... Starbucks will only be my causal coffee place for quick grabs, other than that I still want to find one coffee that I'd really fall in love with... Thus far, sad to say I haven't found my love yet...

I was actually pretty lucky to enter the cafe uncrowded... Unlike Starbucks which is across the "street" within the mall, it's always packed... Thanks to their popularity, I managed to enjoy the peace over at Costa Coffee...The moment I entered into the cafe, I spotted a cosy corner with a nice sofa & 2 pillows... Just too bad it was occupied... Usually if you are early and/or no one is taking it, you will just grab it and stick your butt on it and would never want to let go... That's how I feel towards the mother & daughter (I guess) there, really gluing their butts down real tight...

The history of Costa...

The bar counter...

Looking at their menu, they only serve very basic coffee... As I wanted to try something different, I try to look for something I never try before... At one glance, I spotted Ristretto which I don't quite know how to pronounced it... The server was approachable and friendly... Indeed she does knows about coffee... She could tell I'm trying it out hence she explained to me what is Ristretto... It was actually a much stronger shot than Espresso and it comes in tiny serving; one mouthful serving... Oh boy!!! I feel stupid... Hahaha... But it's good to know... Thereafter she explained if I really want just coffee I could just try their normal black coffee or cappuccino... I ordered the Flat White instead to go together with my Pesto Chicken & Olive Panini sandwich... The sandwich is nicely toasted but it's really small bites... How I wish they can serve with some salad, it'd be perfect... As for the coffee, it's really elegantly balanced.. I like the smooth texture, probably the smoothest coffee I ever had so far...

Flat White...

Their own sugars and napkins...

Pesto Chicken Panini...

They do have quite a number of food and it's really Italian... No doubt remaining true to its Italian heritage... Even their cakes are so interesting... I spotted this 4-tier carrot cake... Seriously, biggest carrot cake I ever seen.. Feel like trying it but I'm not a huge carrot cake fan... Neither it's possible for me to finish it all by myself... Instead, I tried out their small cakes... Cute and eye catchy... I ordered cranberry and mango passionfruit small cakes after my sandwich... As I was at the counter ordering, the server who explained to me what is Ristretto thought I've left and start clearing my table... LOL!! The server at the cashier who was serving me noticed that and hinted her... Good teamwork and this saved my unfinished coffee being dumped into the sink... What really impressed me was she came apologized to me twice with an explanation for the second apology... How many servers out there do feel this way and bother to explain to their customers?? She's one of them... Glad to see there's some hope in the local food industry...

Mini cakes...

Forget about Starbucks, I'll be popping in Costa Coffee the next time I'm at Raffles City S.C... I've yet to try that 4-tier carrot cake; gotta get someone to try it with me...

Day 3 of Cafe Hopping

noreply@blogger.com (Katie Zoey Ho) — Fri, 16 Aug 2013 15:58:00 +0000

Embarking onto my third day of Cafe Hopping, I decided to move towards Bukit Timah area and make Necessary Provisions my first stop... My mood meter is unfortunately still low but for at least I know what to do for the day... Though I like to "hide" in cafes and tend to ponder on all possible things I could think off, at several split seconds I wonder why I'm doing this... For the very least, it does helps by keeping me busier in the day by finding these cafes and something for me to look forward every weekday...

When I finally found where Necessary Provisions is, I was so excited 'cos it is so discrete and surreal which is a total getaway from busy city areas... As I approached closer to the cafe, seriously...What the heck!!! Where's the entrance to the cafe?? I'd have to think how to get it!!!

Outside of Necessary Provisions where
I hovered around looking for the entrance...

As the afternoon sun was pretty hot today, plus the reflection of the glass panels of the cafe made the awareness of the entrances almost invisible...I'd have to hover around to find where's the door... I even went up the shop-house thinking there might be a way into a cafe via the second floor.. I was actually quite annoyed and almost gave up visiting this cafe... Sooo.... Change of plans; I decided to head to Carpenter and Cook instead since I couldn't get in... As I sat outside the cafe checking how to get there, 2 patrons walked out from the cafe... Oh My God!! That's the bloody entrance which I've been looking for!! Seriously, why must the entrance be so discrete?? There's actually 2 entrances into the cafe and they're freaking too well-hidden...

See that Exit, that's where one of the entrances is...

Where I was seated; besides me there's this room with a huge coffee roaster (didn't get to take picture due to the reflection on the glass panel)... I managed to see someone roasting some coffee beans here...

Since the door was finally "found", I got in and started to look for the menu and ordering point... As I almost went into their coffee roasting room, I was addressed by a "Yes?" Although I wasn't given a proud look, greeting customer with a "Yes" is still rude... Anyway, after traveling so far to here, and I really need food, I'd just order a sandwich and a coffee... Too bad the Rosemary Chicken sandwiches were sold out, so I got myself a Tuna with Capers sandwich and an Ice Espresso in Milk...

Ice Espresso in Milk...

I've 2 frozen shots here!!!

Tuna with Carpers Sandwich served with their house salad...

I should say the serving of food and coffee was fast; perhaps it was not too crowded this afternoon which explained the speed...I'm not a tuna sandwich person as most tuna sandwiches I've eaten are all quite meshed up and taste sour, so I wasn't expecting how different will this tuna sandwich be... However, I should say for this one, it does tastes differently... No meshed-up tuna but flakes of tuna... The Ice Espresso in Milk is something I never see nor hear before... It's practically frozen espresso shots served with chilled milk... Interesting coffee concept but the freezing process kinda rob away the natural coffee aroma... All I could taste was bitterness... Even the creamy chilled milk has negated the bitterness away by a bit, I still think they should serve this drink with some sugar syrup 'cos not all coffee drinkers like to take bitter coffee... Unfortunately, I'm one of them...

Having some space for some desserts, I moved on to Carpenter and Cook which is just 3 bus stops away... The moment I walked in, it made me feel like entering a very old school, neatly packed 70-80s garang guni store... Can't think of a better descriptive term even they carry a wide range of vintage items... I'm not sure is this a deliberate concept or simply a showcase of all available sale items, but to me it's kinda of messy...

Heard and read a lot about their desserts which they really have quite a wide choice of different cakes and tarts... What caught my eye was this spiky thing; the Passionfruit Meringue... With such a wide variety of sweet treats, the coffee menu is so limited!! Sad... So I just casually ordered a Mocha... Yes!!! The Passionfruit Meringue is too good!! My eyes popped ok!! Rich full fillings, with smooth creamy textured bites really made my day sparkle... It tastes sourish, to me it's acceptable... Great treats but the Mocha really sucks; it doesn't taste like one to me... For sure, I'd want to come back to try their other sweet treats but their coffee, a big NO... It's just disappointing... I though I might be able to stay here a little longer, but the table I sat was too big for one person and I'd have to share table with other patrons when the crowd started to come in, I decided to leave earlier...

Sweet treats; Queen of Hearts tart - Passionfruit Meringue...

Look at the fillings!!! So rich, full and creamy...

Mocha...

During the stay, I noticed there's a toilet at the back which is very obvious... Before I left the cafe, I went to visit their toilet... Seriously, except for the toilet bowl, it's really very vintage... A squatting toilet bowl will make it even more original... LOL but it's a "bowl" hardly in demand now...

Their vintage toilet...

Day 2 of Cafe Hopping

noreply@blogger.com (Katie Zoey Ho) — Thu, 15 Aug 2013 15:30:00 +0000

On this day, I didn't follow the cafes listed on the website as I've a job interview around Biopolis area...

Hence, for the first stop of the day, I decided to lunch at The Lawn before the interview... It was my second time here... The first time, I had it together with 2 of my ex-colleagues... Sad... We're no longer colleagues as of Tuesday... Lots of mixed feelings... Being alone this time really makes a difference in lunching... For this time round, I ordered the salad box with grilled pepper duck and a cup of ice Tiramisu Latte...

Salad Box w/Worcestershire Black Pepper Duck

Ice Tiramisu Latte

The Lawn never fails to serve their customers with a wide choice of salad combination... This create your own salad concept is always very interesting and tend to invite people to try mixing their salads according to their taste buds... For today, my greens are slightly bitter... Guess it's my mood again... But the Tiramisu Latte is really interesting... Something I never had before... Though it doesn't tastes like Tiramisu to me, it's still nonetheless different...

So... After lunch, it's the interview... I never expected I'd get a call that fast the moment I sent in my CV on Monday; the day I know I'd have to leave my company... Well, I should say I'm not the person they are looking for... Perhaps it's just not right for me... Too bad, I'd have to give a miss...

In order to maximize my time within the area, I headed towards Star Vista Owl Cafe as my third cafe stop... They served Asian coffee, aka Kopi... My intention is always one coffee, but the variety of Asian Kopi they have looked so interesting (and with the thought that I may not come back again), I ordered 2; Gula Melaka Kopi and Kopi Luwak!!! Can't help it, I just want to try out what's so special about these 2 brews...

The Owl Cafe interior

Gula Melaka Kopi

Kopi Luwak served with coffee caviar

I was really disappointed, to be honest... The Kopi Luwak is not within my expectation, neither is what has been described everywhere as the best coffee... My first thought after one sip - waste of money 'cos I could just get a normal Kopi O at the coffeeshop near my place for 80cents... The caviar is just jellies in brewed coffee that has probably got bitter... Their Gula Melaka Kopi is so much better.. The only thing I don't like is the milky taste, it's just too overwhelming...

Yeah... I know... Not something nice about the food and coffee I've been having... I guess my mood meter hasn't gone up any higher... I'm not a food person, neither am I a real coffee person... But yet I've a particular taste of preference when it comes to food... I'd feel happy to take my food and drink when I'm being served with passion, in combination with the server's attitude and dining environment... Whether the coffee or food is prepared just based on the protocol or really with the heart, somehow I can sense it... If there's one coffee out there that will make me feel really good, it must be tasted very differently... Thus far, all coffees to me tasted the same... Weird taste buds I have... That's me, don't ask me why... Only God knows why...

The Day I Started My 20 Cafes Visit

noreply@blogger.com (Katie Zoey Ho) — Wed, 14 Aug 2013 15:30:00 +0000

On Sunday, I shared this link on my Facebook: http://blog.burpple.com/post/56566802706/20-cafes-to-visit-in-singapore... 20 cafes to visit in Singapore... I stated that I'd want to conquer them in 20 weekends, but as of yesterday, I commented that I'm going to do this in 20 days...

From 20 weekends to 20 days was indeed a drastic change of statement... Just because as of yesterday noon, I had officially exited from a jovial and nice workplace where I've made good friends and colleagues... Unfortunately, I'd have to go... I'd probably never forget this day; the last handshake, turning away and walked out of the office building with tears in my eyes... It's a scene I've never felt so emotionally intense before in my life... Trying hard not to cry, I'm glad my make-up still stayed on and I still looked pretty even I had teared... Thanks to Shu Uemura Tsyua Eye and The Face Shop CC cream... Emotions are hard but yet painful, it's never a nice scene to say goodbye... In fact, I do wish this day has never come... But cruel fact has proven it - it had happened...

Whether it happened for a good or bad reason, I believe God allowed this to happen for a reason... So that this will add on to a chapter in my life where I can do greater things in future... To circumvent the current emotions I'm having, I decided to embark onto this 20 cafes visits... Whether is for healing or to let the free time pass by more easily, it's one of the first thought that came through my mind yesterday and I thought why not just do this... I've nothing to lose...

A good steak and nice coffee for yesterday lunch was a good treat for myself in ending my final day with my company... It's also a form of encouragement I'd like to reward myself in looking forward and bracing up...

For a better tomorrow, my first stop for today was The Book Cafe at 20 Martin Road... I headed out a bit late and I reached there during lunch hours where the cafe was pretty packed with people and I'm unable to stay there for long to truly indulge in the environment... Instead, I decided to lunch in... Perhaps it was due to the lunch crowd, I didn't get a warm greeting from the staffs... Maybe it's my low mood meter causing it to be especially sensitive to this for today... Anyway I ordered a Grilled Fish with Mango & Avocado and a cup of Cappuccino...

Besides the wait which I think it was reasonable ('cos I just have too much time), the presentation was not what I'd expect from the description in the menu - it comes with spaghetti... That's besides the point... Fish is fresh, not frozen and it tasted good... The only thing is the pasta which probably need to be cooked a little longer, otherwise it's all well and good... I'd expect the coffee to be served after my meal but it was the first thing that came... Anyway, the server didn't ask which I think she should... Well, the owner (I think) do really know his customers; he could tell I'm new... One thing I couldn't take my eyes off is his 2 incisors in front as he spoke to me - he should see a dentist and get it fixed! I'm sorry, but first impression do counts!!!

Once done for lunch, I headed down to Millenia Walk for my second stop at Commune Cafe Bistro No. 5... Oh sad! The moment I stepped towards the counter... There's one guy which I think he could be the owner, giving me a proud look and said, "Yes?" I felt that was pretty rude to a customer and definitely I don't feel too welcome... So I ordered a Caramel Latte and an Orea Cheesecake... I should said its pretty quiet and nice to shelter in, which pretty much contributed by the already quiet setting within Millenia Walk..

Can't comment much on the coffee, I don't smell nor taste caramel... Hmmm, as for the cheesecake, I'm thinking has it been kept for at least a day?? The texture is kinda hard...

Perhaps it was my mood... At this stage, it's normal for anyone who are down in hope to receive some sunshine... Unfortunately, not all people can tell... Especially in Singapore food industry, I hardly can meet one server who can make my day... It's a skill hard to acquire, but yet highly dependent on the working environment the employees are set in, their mindset and the reason(s) to understand why a need to serve people... All these, greatly influenced by the bosses... If bosses serve food just to sell food, pay their servers just to serve food, then they don't know what is customer service...

My Newly Digitally Permed Hair...

noreply@blogger.com (Katie Zoey Ho) — Wed, 10 Jul 2013 13:06:00 +0000

Finally I have my long straight hair permed... Goodbye my lovely healthy straight hair and welcome my new digitally permed hair...

Don't they look lovely? Nice waves and curls, it's something I wanted it but not all hair stylists are able to bring that natural waves out... I was very hesitant to perm my hair initially and very afraid I'll look really old after a perm... The worst that could happen to my hair is they turns out to be strands of Maggie Mee that will cause me a heart attack...

It's really by chance and luck that I saw an advertisement looking for hair model for a Korean digital perm workshop... I decided to write in and apply.... Soooo... I got the offer at the end!!! I was so excited yet afraid it will turn out ugly... I was in fact attending the workshop with mixed feelings...

Cut long story short... I went ahead as their model yesterday and I was being styled up by a family of Taiwanese hair and image stylists; a father, mother and daughter... As the current trend is Korean; everything is Korean... From the use of hair products & digital perm machine to make-up & styling, it's all so Korean... So these creative Taiwanese really styled me up like a Korean doll...

See, I looked so Korean here!!! Oh My God!!! Seriously, I can never imaged I can look so beautiful with these lovely waves and curls... I'm impressed, really impressed... Besides being a their model of the day, I actually picked up some new skills in hairdressing though I don't quite understand the theory explained... Hmm... But now I'm able to understand the kind of styles that will suits my face & head shape... With these little knowledge I acquired, I know how to choose the right hair stylist for myself!!!

After perming, the greatest job for me now is how to maintain these lovely curls which I'm trying to learn... Another skill I'll have to pick up... Just for another day, I'll be able to shampoo my hair and learn to manage and style them properly... This will be my very first practical session...

Purpose of Blogging

noreply@blogger.com (Katie Zoey Ho) — Thu, 21 Jun 2012 12:52:00 +0000

In the year 2007, I registered myself at Blogspot, which is now known as Blogger to blog down some detail parts of my life... Now today, in the yer 2012, the number of entries I've made has becoming less frequent...

As I looked at those wordings on my heading; Carpe Diem, C'est La Vie, Seizing the day & this is my leading life!!! I wonder how much I had seized the day previously... The purpose of having this blog has become less apparent and seriously I do not know why am I doing this... Do I still have that small amount of loyal fans or friends who will consistently read my blog?? I mean seriously, if you are one, feel free to comment and let me know you do exists... For the very least, I reckon there are people out there who will read my entries...

Some might find me a pathetic pig, some would think it's perfectly fine to blog even it's not something what people want to read... In general, I wonder how much people who came across my blog are really interested in the life I'm leading... This puts me in deep pondering at times what I really want out from blogging here.... To get readers, to obtain some sort of fame via blogging, to share my life experiences or I'm just being personal here (me, myself and Katie only)?? Seriously, I do not know... But one thing I do know is from the very first entry to this, I've seen the growing up me in terms of my personal emotional grow, maturity and the style of life I've been leading... At times, I blogged at the moment that I felt very positive and optimistic that when I read them again, I just kinda lose it - the feel and enthusiasm I used to have... The courage; being daring to pursue what I want especially the way I want to lead my life is that strong... I do feel weak the moment I brought myself back to reality and the presence... I realised I had indeed lost too much of myself, the positive self in particular... Has life reached a stage that I don't feel like improving?? Is this something that changes in life have become so great and advance that sometimes starting afresh seems so difficult at times??

I've reached a stage that my world is not just being myself... I'm married and the burden of taking up responsibilities are not just for myself anymore... Things do become complicated at times, sometimes it is no longer making a decision that you can just walk away like as if it will be a solution... As I grow up (still continue growing) and learning each life lesson God has given me, there is always a tendency not daring to dream... I used to have so much aspirations and dreams of my own that I'd like to achieve but the today's me is no longer as such... Because of my status, having a family seems like a stumbling block to almost everything I want to do... I've to think about my hubby's feelings and the impact once I want to pursue something I want... It becomes very natural on my realistic part to just forget all these and stay where am I now... But deep inside I don't feel that great and keep searching for the lost soul that's fill with fire and strive... I kept dreaming and hope I can turn back time and made the right decision which will push me further and perhaps I'm already where I want myself to be... The idealistic me still exists and I do dare to dream to keep my soul alive... But for the fire I used to have seems to be a memory to me that I'll forever miss...

For the very least I'm blessed for the ability to be able to dream... For the unfortunate, they might not have the rights to dream... So by looking at the other side of the pasture, life is not that bad after all.. To be able to dream does keeps your soul alive...

Aglio e Olio

noreply@blogger.com (Katie Zoey Ho) — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 15:30:00 +0000

Breaking away from pre-made spaghetti sauces, I decided to go stir fried - Aglio Olio!!! This was inspired by my youngest sister whom wanted to try out a recipe she found out at Noobcook.com... Indeed she did the cooking and for the very first time (though she kinda screwed up a little), it tasted quite okay... heehee...

To be exact, it's actually my second time cooking this just because my hubby absolutely loves this after he had my first Aglio Olio... He feels this pasta dish is 100X much better than those tomato based... True authentic Aglio Olio should be just Garlic and Oil, but to satisfy my hubby's tummy, for this dinner I used scallops and bacons... It might seems like an ingredient crash, apparently it does taste good and compliment quite well... To give a little texture, I like to add onions...

Preparing the ingredients...

Cooking the pasta...

Till Al dente...

Stir fried onions, bacons and scallops...

To have more peppery taste, I added this...

The final dish, with parmesan cheese...

At my hubby's disadvantage, a tint of parsley will complete the dish... Just too bad that he's not a fan of it, otherwise it will be just perfect...

Unveil the Surprise by Reebonz

noreply@blogger.com (Katie Zoey Ho) — Sun, 15 Apr 2012 12:08:00 +0000

I've been reading quite a number of bad reviews about Reebonz and it had made myself a little worried that I might get a used bag or bag that was imperfect...

With great anticipation, finally I received my Veranda Kate Spade bag from Reebonz on Thursday... Seriously it's like unveiling a surprise and I do like the adrenaline feel of opening up a gift... To my surprise, the bag I got is a brand new bag and it comes with a dust bag just like what I'd have bought one at a boutique... Back to USA, dust bag usually are not provided in outlets... I do own a Kate Spade bag myself and I could tell this bag I got is definitely authentic...

So glad to own this bag and I truly like the prints and greens even my hubby said it looks Malay (green is their colour apparently)... Seriously disagree!!! It's very refreshing and I do like it for this summer season... Can't resist the look of the bag that I took some pictures on the process in unveiling the surprise...

The Gift...

The packaging...

The Tag!!!

The bag I got it as a Gift...

Simply can't resist it to carry the bag... That's what keep women happy in owning bags that they love... This is something sometimes men don't quite understand; it's equivalent in them getting so obsessed in playing their new gadget...

Burying beneath the Bag...

Carrying the bag!!!

Embracing the bag!!!

Shopping at Reebonz.com is solely via invitation, therefore if you want to get bags at a good discount rate, click HERE to be a member and start shopping!!!

Pre-Wedding Pictures

noreply@blogger.com (Katie Zoey Ho) — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 04:30:00 +0000

Today marks the 14th day after our Wedding; 2 weeks we got wed... Still mesmerizing on our special day... Although our actual day photos are not out yet, I'm still flipping over our pre-wedding pictures over and over again... I do missed all the fun we had on that day with our photographer, Monica Eng from Vividshots... It's just so natural for us and I really love her style in photography... We indeed had so much fun together, taking pictures have never been so great before...

Over here I'd like to share a few of our pre-wedding pictures that I like the most... Also, I'd also like to thank Euzart Wong from Jawn Happy Ever After for these beautiful Cheongsam & Gowns, Eric from Personality Menshop for the handsome suit and shirts, Ophelia Tan from Pretty Box for the gorgeous hair-dos and make-up, Nic from Flores Inc. for the beautiful hand bouquet... Without these wonderful and fun-loving people, these pictures will not turn out to be that great... Big Cheers to them!!!

Our full Wedding Album can be viewed in my Facebook profile HERE!!!

Taken along Balestier Road...

Taken within a coffee shop along Balestier Road...

Taken at Grand Shanghai...

Taken at Hort Park...

A Remembrance; My Wedding

noreply@blogger.com (Katie Zoey Ho) — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 13:20:00 +0000

Finally, I got my Wedding on the 10th December 2011; one of the sweetest moment I ever had with my hubby Lionel in my entire life. I thank God for this, to be with me till the day I wed on this special day... It has been tough on us to be together and gone through the Wedding together, marking a significant day of our lives...

It has past 9 days, I'm still mesmerizing on that day as though my Wedding is still alive... I greatly missed the day... Finally, it was a grand finale for Lionel and I after we have been through so much to get together... This marked the beginning of our marriage life together as husband and wife... In remembrance, I want to keep this day in mind deeply as a reminder to myself that it was never easy to be together as a couple... For all the turmoils we have been through that have lead us this far was indeed God's grace on us...

I'm thankful for our videographer, Christopher Tay from Ichiro Films who has captured the moment for us and create a story for us that touches our hearts... This video was captured in Mandarin, a language that I had used to express my emotions and feelings to Lionel in days when we were at our toughest...

Translation in English:

Title: You . I . Happiness

"We are not Perfect..."
"It's fate that had brought 2 persons of different thinking together..."

"Do you recall you had once told me that we can't have misunderstandings?"
"Therefore, I'd like to let you know I've never thought of leaving you..."
"After we've been through so much, I hope we can build a beautiful tomorrow for our future..."

"Fight for your own happiness, agree?"

你 . 我 . 幸福 from Christopher Tay on Vimeo.

A Release...

noreply@blogger.com (Katie Zoey Ho) — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 16:24:00 +0000

Finally, I braced up and made the very first step to move on for a better start... For a better well being and to lead a better future, I truly realize the gist of being truthful to myself and take on self-responsibilities...

For nearly 10 years, even when I was a teen, I tend to have this ideal perception that life will be much better as I grow up... To my real horror, it's the facts of life; my life situation(s) didn't actually improve... All things literally have gone way out of my hands... I thought I'm smart enough to manage all aspects of my life - my career, finances, relationship, family, etc. etc. etc... It finally occur to me that I've been losing myself so much that when I realize what I should be doing it in the right way; I feel so brand new... Still in a daze, trying to re-know the new me...

I couldn't believe it... It's like finally seeing myself how wrong can I be in the past... Through God's grace, I finally get to understand why the horrifying acts of human can be so wrong... Instead of viewing them negatively and starting to be judgmental, I've re-looked human behavior in a different manner... I started to know why and the reason behind... All things suddenly appear to be very simple and straightforward... It's like God has displayed everything out clearly for me without any gray area... Right now, I'm able to give thanks within my heart with true gratitude...

I still have the old me in me... Old habits die hard... I've to learn the art of patience and endurance in order to overcome the bad self of mine... I've the confidence I'll strive hard and look forward in great positiveness without looking back..

Looking Forward

noreply@blogger.com (Katie Zoey Ho) — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 07:12:00 +0000

Things have cooled down... Still feeling negative at times... I slurred this afternoon... I presented myself at the very best, though not as satisfactory as I thought what I want to be, I begin to be more kind to myself... It's ok... I've done my best... Things are actually not that bad...

I deserve all the good treats I should give myself... A pat on my shoulder... I've done well for today and I'm positive that things will go well as what I want it to be... Looking at the bright side, everything will just be fine and I'll be a happy person again!!!

It will be a good start... I'm looking forward for a better tomorrow...

Through Thick & Thin, We will go through this together

noreply@blogger.com (Katie Zoey Ho) — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 16:53:00 +0000

"I promised to love you, honour you, comfort you and keep you in sickness and in health and be faithful to you so long as we both shall live..."

This is our marriage vows; vows that we made to each other 2 years ago... Although I have gotten things into perspectives, I was down to negativity yesterday... Suddenly, I got this very negative thought that Lionel has given up our marriage... I started to picture myself in misery once I learn about this... Even I'm well prepared for the worst, to certain degree, I'm not ready to face a cruel fact posted to me... I felt despair... I lost track....

It took me quite some time to bring myself back and gear towards the bright side of life... I shouldn't worry for the worst, in fact I should prepare for the best... When I realize I'm no longer alone in this world, I get into this deep understanding life is still very much worth living for... For 10 years, my life is never a bed full of roses... Because of my pride, I was brave to lead another day... This world is beautiful and I'm definitely worth living to be part of this world... I thank God for this, deeply...

The very first thing I need to do is to love myself more, forgive myself and learn to embrace myself... In order to love Lionel the way I want, this will be the very first thing I need to focus on... I know Lionel needs to be more kind to himself, he can't always lead his life by pleasing everyone around him... Seeing him suffer in this manner is the deepest pain I can ever have...

All I want to do now is to continue encouraging him, to change for the better for the benefit of a better self... I want him to learn to love himself and embrace himself more... He had finally responded to my messages and willing to talk... Though his message is just that short, the picture he has sent to me already speaks everything...

I truly believe we can have a good start and a better tomorrow...

The Art of Patience

noreply@blogger.com (Katie Zoey Ho) — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 17:00:00 +0000

I've sent Lionel a card, an envelope of our dating & ROM memories with some short messages and an email expressing my feelings in Chinese... He has not been really responding... I started to get impatient... The moment I started to feel angry, I came here and started to blog...

I do not know since when I started to get so short temper and impatient... Perhaps it's my job, the societal pressure and maybe it's the environment... I don't know... It could also my feel in need to catch up the lost I had and been running hard against time... All these can be the reason(s) behind... But it is no longer important now because right now patience is going to be my friend...

I made several posts in my Facebook wall, in hope Lionel can read them.. My thoughts, my realization, and also how I'm doing at work and home... He knows I hate Mondays because Mondays are the days I'll have to go home late due to late night meetings... Thinking back, after I'm out from the office, I'll always call him and tell him how much nonconstructive talks we had during meetings... I'll complain to him about my boss, how much he likes to beat about the bush and never gets to the point... Blah blah blah I will go on and on... Sometimes I just never stop... I believe he knows I'm not liking my Mondays for being so blue and dark... And he has been listening and never hang up on me except for a few times, our lines got cut off.

You know...Very ironically, at most times when we quarrel over the phone, the line will just get cut off when I'm too angry and started ranting a hell out to Lionel... When I called back, or he called back, he said the line was cut off... It can seems that he did it deliberately, but it was a known fact to us that the reception in my place sucks, esp. in the kitchen... Lines can get cut off often; Lionel called the service provider once for clarification and felt like telling them off and stop cutting our lines off while we are fighting over the phone... Hahaha... Thinking of this do amuse me... ~Sign~ Now we are not really talking over phone like what we used to every night... One week and two days have passed, and I don't know what are his thoughts, and how is he feeling... It is indeed worrying to me... I had dropped him a few SMSes to his mobile and hope he could at least respond but he didn't... I plan to go over to our new home this Saturday and I had made this known to him, hoping he can come and talk...

I Have Finally Realize It...

noreply@blogger.com (Katie Zoey Ho) — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 15:30:00 +0000

I missed blogging... Blogging down my inner thoughts for inner search of answers via self-reflection really helps me to understand myself better...

I prayed in desperation to God... I need help because I was really lost... I feel as though I'm left with no choices... I cried and cried, till my mind can no longer take the stress... My body relented, gave way and I fell asleep... Things happened last Saturday in my new flat which Lionel and I broke down in a way we both did not want... What worst that could have happened was our problems have turned into a case of domestic violence... His mum witnessed this...

I was in deep pain, a pain so deep within me that led me to nowhere... I was desperate for answers and solutions to our problems... I was seeking... After days of feeling so low and sad over what had happened.. I've come to acceptance on what had already happened... In a minute ray of light this morning when I woke up, I finally can see hope... I'm no longer alone... This world is still a very beautiful place to be in... Though my life is not always a bed of roses, as long I've the courage to face myself and live for another day, my life will be different... I thank God for this...

After knowing what went wrong in my marriage, I felt intensely a need to let Lionel know how I feel... All my inner genuine emotions just flowed out naturally after I hear a song that had brought us together... It hit me to a point that I need to do something before it's too late... I wrote to Lionel and emailed him... As much as I'm impatient and eager to know how he reacts after he read my email, I know I just have to give him time... I'm worried, very much worried... But I need to be patient and allow him to cool down and sort things out before he get back to me...

I recognized the various issues and problems I have that had inevitably rolled into my marriage, I need to work on it... Lionel has his insecurities, I hope he can walk out and know what he should have fight for a better tomorrow... As his spouse, I want to be his spiritual and emotional support, be someone who can encourage him and walk this thr' together with him... I hope he can understand and come to realization... I just want him to know despite on what had happened, I have never thought of leaving him and I'm still there for him when he needs me...

I'm hoping he can see this and I'm relying and holding strong on his faith in me and trust in himself... My dear Lionel, I do miss you that much and I do love you as much as you always have... We will have a better tomorrow if we walk thr' this together... You got to believe me, trust me...

Deceptive Semblance

noreply@blogger.com (Katie Zoey Ho) — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 16:32:00 +0000

I feel deceived in this deceptive semblance... The World with masquerade and pretense...

I deceived the World... With a semblance that's untrue...

I feel genuine when I look through Myself... from the mirror of Truth

I portrayed my Reflection... where Myself is not genuine

Deceiving Faces

noreply@blogger.com (Katie Zoey Ho) — Sun, 10 Apr 2011 16:15:00 +0000

As such is life, I always thought I'm very good at looking people... However, I was wrong... And very gradually, in fact at this point of time, I started to believe that how a person looks decipher the person's character, personality and motive... I may not be in any status to provide any judgment or to give any criticisms... However the moment I see the person right into their eyes, somehow or rather, through words of mouths, I view different faces of a person...

I find myself very hard to accept myself with different portrayals, and at the point of time I deeply sense something is very wrong, it's either my obstinacy brings me to further deepness of the devil's well or I started to feel guilty... I can then truly understand why the Fall of Mankind is so delirious... Taking into account of my faith towards humanity, there's a history behind everyone's back. Indeed, I do believe there're others who are naturally born to be that bad, beyond the control of Mankind... Only God has the authority to take everything in full control. Not that I'm very aware of, Mankind's help is always that limited...

With rules set by Mankind, we thought we could be in control... When our mind overtakes us, that's where we lose all of our control and fall into great temptations of indulgences... Sadly to say, I'm trying real hard to get myself in a much better situation and it seems I can't be in control of the situation that's happening around me... Taking into account that I can't predict the future, everyday I'm leading is like gambling... God don't play dice, but Mankind does... It very hard for me to be in peaceful prayers with a clear mind, asking for God's hand to lift me up... And most of the time, may it be I'm in full awareness, I kept asking for courage to move on. That's the only strength I'm asking and no more else...

As I was journeying to work this morning, throughout the 60mins of ride, I noticed 3 commuters sitting besides me. All moved on to another empty seat whenever they saw one... Even I was dismay with one of them, I endured... Then I realised, I do have a choice - to get up and excuse myself to another seat or stay put. People come through and go away from my life, and on that ride, 3 commuters had moved on and where am I??? I'm stuck because I'm on the inside of the seat which made it more inconvenient for me to move out.In comparison to the 3 commuters, my view to spot an empty seat is not as good as theirs... The choice of excusing myself to make my way out may end up losing a seat in the end... So, it may be feasible to stay put where I am, despite the fact I'm really very uncomfortable. It's just like my current situation... However, towards the end of the journey, I was left alone on that seat and the commuter that I was dismayed at eventually move on to another empty seat... I was relieved but yet I don't feel good too. It's hard to make life choices wisely, especially the pastures over the other side is always greener and greener as we view from our current spot. At times, it can be just be that deceiving, depending whether we fall into the traps...

It's a risk most of us has to take... On the morbid side, before you know you're dead on the streets, things are already happening...

Sunday

noreply@blogger.com (Katie Zoey Ho) — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 17:59:00 +0000

I've seen myself grown from a rebellious teenager to a matured married adult... Although I always have a lot of issues, I never deny the fact that I really have an issue with myself... It seems to be that I've reached a stage that I'd rather not to think about it than to face it barely...

Throughout this coming 2 years of my marriage life - to be precise it'll be this coming Friday and it so happens it's my birthday as well - we've been through a lot of fights, practically over the same issue... It's just that we present it over and over again in different presentations... We cried, argued, literally fought before, all those emotionally stress we both have given to each other; it didn't appear marriage should be this way... The amount of stress we have been giving to each other can be so tremendous that in most of the time, I wanted to give up our marriage... And indeed, we did come to a thought of divorcing...

It has been clear to me that I do have a severe issue that has been an imposing factor between us, I do recognise this fact... Even way before we dated, I know it's an issue I always want to resolve... Rather, it seems to me matter got worse and even worst when we got married... On the contrary, I do somehow believe I'm able to resolve this all by myself without his presence... Perhaps, right in the beginning I should have reassess my choices and choose not to be with him... Without his initial help, I would not take him for granted and it'd be much better off to rectify my issue on my own... On the surface, everything is well-suppressed... He's hoping I can prove him wrong and change for the better, whereas for me I was constantly under the kind of pressure given by him directly or indirectly... I felt I'm always at his mercy... Just 'cos I'm seem to be at fault, do my human pride and rights be robbed away and not be spared? Even a murderer who has been caught for 1st degree murder will have a chance to be judge fairly... In most of our fights, I felt so ripped to the extend I just wanted to end everything... Till this Sunday's night when we had another fight over the same old issue again, I feel a need to put this to a stop... I'm unable to bear the kind of burden I've been facing, neither do I want myself to subject to this again...

I want to lead a life with a freedom of choice base on freewill, not to make a choice that I'll feel obliged... All I ask for is for his understanding on the kind of emotional stress he has been giving me... As much as I need his support; both emotionally and morally, what he has been doing to me (whether he mean it or not) is not to put me under his mercy...While I'm trying my best to rectify my own issues, he failed to see me on the other side of the wall... He needs to step out to understand the kind of stress and pain I'm going through in order to overcome myself... Or else we'll never be able to face this issue altogether and resolve this effectively...