Keeping It Real with Angela Harris

W2W Today: Non Negotiable Dating App Intro

2016-10-05T21:12:00.001-07:00

Day 11 & 12 Slaying the Obesity Demon!! The Healing around the world!!

2016-09-13T22:53:00.001-07:00

Day 10: Slaying the obesity demon!!

2016-09-12T00:24:00.001-07:00

Angela Harris: Journey to Slaying the Obesity Demon - Day 2

2016-09-03T15:10:00.001-07:00

Conscious Choices: What's Love Got to Do With It?

2016-04-27T19:25:00.000-07:00

In one of my article's, “What’s Love Got to Do with It …. Everything” also “How Do I Learn to Love Myself”, we explored the concept that in order to begin to love yourself you must first have a healthy definition of what love is. To begin with, individuals can only love within the realm that they have been exposed too. People have been exposed to love by watching their parents, relationships on television, and watching other couples in their surroundings. Depending on what type of emotions displayed, ideas of what love is are shaped through thinly veiled experiences and observations. Without clarity you can be destined to repeat the very same bad habits witnessed throughout your life.

Here’s a test question: If you always seem to attract the same type of unhealthy mate, what would be the reason for such consistent choices? You must first identify the common denominator – and that common denominator is “YOU”. There is something about you that sends out radar, the vibe, the scent, that says “He or she likes to be treated the way I am getting ready to treat him or her.” You’re saying now, “really?” and I respond in kind, “Really!” I am not suggesting you like it - I am suggesting you are so used to it that you see it as the normal way of life, so why demand anything different.

Hence the statement “It’s Either You or Me”. Choose you this day who you are going to protect. Self-preservation is the first order of defense. In order for you to be healthy in a relationship:

·         You must decide before you go any further, what type of mate you should
          spend your time with.

·         You must also understand that you are a valuable, wonderful human-being
          deserving to be loved and to give love in return.

·         You must see yourself as a good catch that deserves to be protected, respected, and
          treated with dignity.

·         You must expect that your mate will do you no harm and you must understand what harm is.

Ø      Harm is hitting you

Ø      Harm is raping you

Ø      Harm is saying unkind things to you

Ø      Harm is taking you for granted

Ø      Harm is treating you like the scum under their shoe

Ø      Harm is cheating on you

Ø      Harm is abusing you physically and/or mentally

Ø      Harm is unhealthy jealously. (unhealthy jealously is when it becomes
         violent and you feel physically threatened by that anger.)

Ø      Harm is disrespecting you in front of friends, family, or co-workers.

Ø      Harm is controlling your every move.

Ø      Harm is dictating who your friends are

Ø      Harm is limiting access to family, friends, co-workers

Ø      Harm is demanding that his or her way is the best and only way

Ø      Harm is treating you as though you are unable to make decisions for yourself.

Ø      Harm is consistently putting everything and everyone before you.

This list is not meant to be exhaustive, but meant to give you a glimpse into an arena maybe never visited before. If the harmful identifiers have been present, persistent, pervasive, and part of your everyday life, then it is time for you to take stock into your life. It is time for you to protect yourself. It is time for you to clean house.

It is time for you to choose – You or Them? I know you will make the right decision and choose yourself, your sanity, your safety, and if you have children, doing for them what others didn’t do for you – show them a better way to live and a better way to value themselves.

Personal Beliefs vs "Living Out Loud" Behaviors: Who Are You Really Deceiving?

2016-04-22T19:41:00.002-07:00

Here’s the challenge. Does your belief line up with how you behave? Or is your behavior a reflection of what you really believe? What a concept! Here we are living our lives saying one thing and doing another. Who is the real you; the one who says a particular thing or the one whose actions are the exact opposite of what they say? There’s a saying that we are what we do. Words are meaningless it’s the actions that take center stage. For instance, if I say I love you and yet everything I do to you and towards you screams the exact opposite, a wise person would understand the actions truly speak volumes as to what the person believes or feels about you. We must understand that we are not fooling people by attempting to appear to be one way when they truly know the “you” that acts contrary to your words.

For instance, I have an acquaintance who prays before every meal. He always says, “let me bless the food”, and yet he is spiteful, vindictive, a gossiper, a fornicator, someone you can’t trust but the mere fact that he graces the food is supposed to say to all that he is a Christian. Looking through this window what is your take away of this person? Exactly so look into the mirror and ask yourself what are the take aways about you? It’s real easy to look at someone else and pass judgment but it is almost impossible for us to look at ourselves and make the same introspective judgment we should be making, taking the time to reevaluate ourselves and see if we are really growing or are we stagnant or even worse have we fallen back to our old ways and worsened?

Worsened, how does one go from progress to regression? There is a parable that tells us how an individual was full of evil, they were introduced to truth, evil flew and sat back and watched. The person introduced to the truth did nothing with that truth, didn’t study the word, go to bible study, didn’t endeavor to associate with like-minded individuals, failed to do anything to ensure that which was received was held captive whatever the cost. Evil saw that this individual was weak, not prepared to handle life with the little truth they had received. Evil could see that he/she was vulnerable, easily offended and unable to stand through the onslaught of life. So evil being wise comes back to the house that had been cleaned and brings his buddies. The scripture says that the persons latter state was worse than its beginning (Luke 11:24-26).

I believe everyone wants to be what they say. The challenge is we are not willing to do what it takes to ensure that we are an exact reflection of what we believe. This means all areas of our lives.

· You should not have to say you’re a Christian your life should scream that you are one. David says in Psalm 119 “thy word have I hidden in my heart that I might not sin against you”. Have you hidden His word in your heart so that your actions stand in agreement with God’s?

· If you say you have faith do you really? When times get hard, the pink notice is given, the shut off notice comes for your utilities, your husband/wife leaves you, your friends are not there – where is your faith? Are you able to stand on the promises of God that says, “I will never leave you neither will I forsake you? My God shall supply all my needs according to His riches in glory? He sticks closer to you than any friend?”

·      You say you are someone’s friend and yet you listen to the harmful things said about your friend. You feel because you don’t say anything while they’re talking about the friend that somehow you haven’t harmed your friend. Really! You should shut them down and let them know you will not entertain these conversations. Refer them to your friend. Isn’t that really who they should speaking to anyway?

·      You say you trust - do you really?

·      You say you believe – do you really?

·      You say you are a new creation – are you really? Scripture says that because of what Christ did on the cross we no longer live for ourselves but for Him – do you? Are you seeking God’s best? Are you looking for God’s best in all people you meet? As a new creation are you an ambassador, a minister of reconciliation?

See we need to understand what we say and how what we say affects those around us. So don’t get it twisted, you are how you behave and not what you say. You’re not fooling anyone and more importantly you’re not fooling yourself and you’re not fooling God.

Outsourcing Evil - Satan, Sin, Humanity: What About Christianity?

2016-04-22T18:24:00.000-07:00

In this time of cut backs companies and other types of entities are finding themselves in need of outsourcing some of their services to cut down on overhead expenses such as payroll taxes, workers compensation, and other types of fringe benefits. It would appear that hell has picked up the same mantra and has outsourced many of its services to of all places the church! Some of you are wondering what I’m talking about and I’m glad you’re wondering. Let me make it clear. There are different levels and ranks in any army. You have privates, sergeants, lieutenants, captains, and generals to name a few. Depending on their rank and expertise there are given certain responsibilities. Another consideration as to who takes charge is the status of the one who it has been deemed as one who needs to be taken down or taken out. Bottom line you don’t send a general in to take out or take down a small patrol especially if that patrol is being led by a sergeant. Are you following me? If not hold on it will become clear in just a few minutes. We learn in the scriptures that we wrestle not with flesh and blood but with spirits in high places, in the atmosphere. That would lead one to view life challenges as one where evil spirits are being dispatched to run havoc over your life and yet we find that they do not have to be dispatched Satan can simply dispatch the church to do his bidding and it would appear that he is being very successful.

Let me give you some examples of the havoc that is running ramped and making some individuals lives a living hell:

•Backbiting people

•Gossiping people

•Cliques (exclusion)- making folk feel unwelcomed. Turning up your nose at someone who doesn’t look like you, dress like you, drive the same car as you, or have the same resources as you (money).

•Failure to have love one for another (people can’t stand the person sitting next to them, speaking, or singing then as soon as the person who is the object of your desire is out of view you’re falling out in the church, speaking in tongues, and saying “praise the Lord”.) How can you say you love a God you can’t see and yet hate your brother who you can see?

•Pharisaical spirit (a critical spirit that lacks grace and mercy- quick to condemn someone’s shortcomings while failing to acknowledge your own shortcomings.) Just straight up judgmental.

•Easily offended – skin so thin you take everything personal and then leave the church and bad mouth it only to push others away from the church and cause others to bad mouth the church and justify their lack of desire to attend an organized religious institution.

•Those causing dissension within the church.

Is it a no wonder the church has become a revolving door – folks come to the church and the air is so thick with strife or worse no sincerity or warmth so they fail to return.
Then Satan uses those same outsourced individuals to wreak havoc in the home, on the work place, and in the community.

So as you can see Satan has absolutely succeeded and benefited from his outsourcing tactics. The imps and demons have been replaced with individuals who if asked, would ensure you we couldn’t be talking about them. So to the church I say stop being a pawn of Satan and become who you were created to be vessels of honor to be used by God to save a dying world.

As a foot note I use the “church” loosely as it is what and how many people associate the body of Christ. Just so you know in this instance the “church” is the gathering place that “Christians” congregate. It is not the bible definition of the church. The church is the people. It deals with the heart and the relationship to Christ. That was for free!!

6 Reasons Why You Should View The World Through A Childs Eyes: Kids See Things Grown-Ups Don't!

2016-04-22T15:48:00.000-07:00

Through the eyes of your child what emits back through their cornea, the part of the eye that is like a camera lens? What is it that your child or children see of you on a regular basis? Are you giving them the opportunity to see you in a positive light or a negative light? God has given children to us as a precious gift. We have the responsibility to raise them up in a way that is pleasing to God. That means that we are not to live a life that says do as I say not as I do. It means that we are to live a life that they can emulate later in life and instill those same values and principles in their children. So much damage is being done by parents to their children that are absolutely mindboggling and downright shameful. The children born to you did not choose you and yet they’re stuck with you and yet God did choose you to be their parent. Let me ask you, through the eyes of a child; is this the image they see?

• A parent who insists their child/children go to church and yet the parent lives their life as though they don’t know Jesus the other six days of the week?

• A parent who walks around saying God bless you and out of your mouth on a regular basis the child hears you cussing them and others out?

• A parent who puts their respective courting partner before the needs of their own child?

• A parent who parades a different set of courting partners in front of the children only to confuse them by one minute being their “dad” and then the next minute they are to become nothing to the child?

• A parent who brings courting partners into their lives that have no values and no morals? Living off of you and contributing nothing?

• A parent who brings courting partners into their lives who are abusive to you and your children?

• A parent who says do as I say not I as I do further confusing the child? Example – you are not married and your child is exposed to your sexual encounters, partners spending the night, and yet you tell the child they shouldn’t have sex. Based on what example? Where in the bible does it say if you’re over the age of eighteen then sex before marriage is okay? Why in the world are you expecting your child to make better decisions that the example you place before them on a regular basis?

• A parent who misappropriates funds given by God opting for frivolity then can’t pay the basic bills needed to provide for your family?

• A parent who has child after child by a different courting partner?

• A parent who tells their child they’ll never amount to anything? Calls their child stupid? Is always tearing them down?

I could go on and on and I encourage you to continue to paint the picture for yourself and others. The question begs is this really the image you want your child to have of you? Don’t you want to give your children a chance in life? Many times our children act up because we are not giving them the love, the time, the attention, or the encouragement they need to mine their way through this thing called life. Our young girls search for the love of a man that they just can’t seem to get from their fathers. This means they tend to get together with any pair of britches if they dare to say those six magic words, “Girl you know I love you.” Our young men tend to emulate the men they’ve seen come around or worse they have a strong need to prove themselves and an even stronger need to feel accepted since they’ve been torn down by the very one who should be building them up. This is for free – you are not to be your child’s friend until they are an adult! You are supposed to raise them to be responsible adults, discipline them, instruct them, guide them, and love them.

Here are some images that should be seen and embraced through the eyes of a child:

• A parent who encourages them to be the best they can be.

• A parent who exercises tough love, when, the occasion calls for it.

• A parent who if they say they are a Christian is identified as such not because you say it but because the child witnesses Christian behavior by you on a regular basis. You are a walking epistle. The child sees you praying and trusting God so they too will know how to trust and pray to God.

• A parent who lives a life that is not reflective of the very things you’re telling their children not to do.

• A parent who shows by example what it means to have work ethics, be a good citizen, and live in a way that exudes character and respect for authority.

•A parent who has a spirit of hospitality, a spirit of compassion, and one who always endeavors to see the best in others.

You can add to this list also. It is time out for the constant destruction being done to our children and time for parents, actually long overdue, for parents to be parents is a way that builds our children up instead of tearing them down. Like marriage parenthood should not be entered into lightly. You will have to sacrifice, you will have to discipline yourself, you will have to put some of your wants and desires on the back burner to ensure that your children’s needs are met both emotionally and financially. Remember you’re the one who decided to have children so you should be the one making the sacrifice and you should be the one ensuring that you are raising healthy children who are an asset to those they encounter and not a liability to them. If we don’t stop this emotional chaotic rollercoaster that has taken over the very fabric of the family then we position ourselves to continue to see the following:

•Escalating divorces

•Escalating violence towards one another

•Escalating sexual promiscuity

•Escalating single parent households

•Escalating emotionally disturbed children

Let’s stop the cycle. If you have not lived in a way that you want your child to see you apologize to your child and immediately begin a corrective program to bring your child/children into a healthy realm of existence.

9 Ways to Keep "Stale" Out of Your Marriage: Get That Spark Back

2016-04-21T19:56:00.000-07:00

As I began to answer this question, I wondered how to best approach this subject. Then God spoke to me He said, “Look, it’s quite simple. Esteem others before yourself. It is better to give than to receive,” reminding me of the definition of love. We need to understand first what true unconditional love is. Love is patient, love is kind, and it is not jealous. Love does not brag, is not arrogant, and does not act unbecoming. It does not seek its own, is not easily provoked, it does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never fails. Why are these things significant? That is a very important question. In our very nature (in our flesh) we have a tendency to think about what we want while overlooking those around us, giving no thought to what they may want. Many people, especially women, view Valentine’s Day as their day. They place the onus on their spouse to put forth the effort necessary to make this a romantic day. Of course, if the spouse gets a little something out of it, a roll in the hay, then so be it. As Christians and individuals we should always esteem others before themselves. Ladies, I would submit that your first efforts to esteem, after God of course, are towards your husband. Only you can answer this question. Do you esteem your husband? Does your husband feel like the most important person in your life, when in your presence? Do you value him? Do you remind him on a daily basis how handsome he is? How blessed you are to have him as a husband, a friend, and if children, what a great father he is? Someone right now is saying, “she must be crazy, my husband is none of those things.” That may be the case, the question goes to you - do you speak death or life into your household.

So how do you put the flame back into your marriage? Esteem your husband! Give thought to his hopes, fears and desires and feed them with love, patience, kindness and encouragement. Deal with his inner man and meet the needs he secretly craves. Remind yourself as to what attracted you to your husband before you married him. What did you do to please him that you may no longer be doing? That is where you begin to re-ignite the flame that means so much to you. We may age and our desires may temper but that does not negate our responsibility to pay close attention to our husbands and continue to look for ways to keep our marriage exciting.

Now that we have dealt with your husband’s inner heart, let’s deal with his external part, his natural animal instinct. Men have a sexual drive. To discount that would be remiss and absolutely ludicrous on our part. Sex and those things that stimulate the sexual senses are a reality in the union designed by God. If God says it’s a good thing, who are we to disagree? I will not be presumptuous to assume that all men would appreciate their wives taking a trip to Victoria’s Secret to purchase lingerie with him in mind, but I don’t think anyone would be disappointed. Believe it or not, this is one way of esteeming your husband. What turns your husband on? Make today the beginning of lighting that flame. However, don’t stop there. Continue to seek those things that please your husband every day of the year.

Besides Victoria Secret, here are some things you can do to re-ignite the flame in your marriage. Of course this list is not exhaustive. You must add to it on a regular basis always seeking your husband’s pleasure.

1. Rent a movie he enjoys and sit through it with enthusiasm.

2. Prepare his favorite meal and serve it to him in a romantic atmosphere he would appreciate.

3. Send flowers to him on his job with an extremely intimate promise of the night’s events.

4. Put a note in his brief case, lunch box, or wherever he is sure to find it letting him know how much you love him and how happy you are that he is your husband and your friend.

5. Make arrangements for your children to be someplace else. It is important for you and your husband to spend quality time away from your children. Though your children are an extension of you, they are not the replacement of your relationship as husband and wife.

6. Make reservations at a hotel. Go someplace different. Make this an adventure. Chose the hotel, send your husband an invitation to meet you there and include the hotel room key.

7. Draw him a bath (at home or at the hotel). Provide his favorite beverage and some fruit. Of course ladies scrub his back for him.

8. Give him a long, lengthy sensuous massage. Get some wonderful smelling oils.

9. Get your hair, nails and feet done. Look absolutely beautiful for him. Get that makeover you have been threatening to get. Surprise him.

Ladies you must trust the process. If you esteem your husband, your husband will esteem you. Don’t get impatient, don’t keep count of what you do for him, simply allow the love you have for your husband to be the reason. Don’t look for him to do the same for you in the same manner; allow your husband to find his way to you. Remember love is patient, love is kind, love does not seek its own, and love does not keep count of anything. Love hopes, believes and endures all things.

Five Character Traits to Look for When You Are Ready to Start Back Dating

2016-04-20T17:52:00.002-07:00

This really isn’t a question asked by many, but it is definitely a question that should be asked, meditated on, and intently explored. I am going to start with the most appropriate response, you are ready to date when you are not willing to settle for less than the best God has for you. For some this may seem a very broad answer and yet it’s actually a very narrow answer. The question is do we know what the best is that God has for us? Before we journey down what the best is let’s first make it plain up front the worst time to consider dating:

You should never consider dating when you’re on a rebound. The person who gets dumped is usually the one who has the most difficult time dealing with the break up. A focus takes place where the one left behind begins wondering what they did that made the other person leave them. They start wondering whether or not they’re attractive enough, loveable enough, intelligent enough, passionate enough, pliable, the list can go on, bottom line you are trying to figure out how to make yourself more desirable for the next person. Your confidence is low and you need a self-esteem boost, you need a quick pick me up, no pun intended, so you’re apt to be less selective. This is the absolute worst thing you can do. It’s enough you’re already dealing with the loss of one relationship only to find yourself jumping out of the frying pan then subsequently landing into the proverbial skillet, no better off than before, sometimes worse off than before. Let me say ensure that you are healed from the last encounter and completely come to grips with the valuable person you are!!

Let’s explore the principles of dating. Dating is generally the observation stage. It is a time to observe the individuals you are spending time with. You are observing how they treat you, their friends, their children, if applicable, their co-workers, their family, and their finances. You’re having conversations about things important to you and gleaning information about things important to them. You are observing their lifestyle; if they say they’re Christian their life should reflect it by action and not simply by word. This is not, I repeat not the exclusive relationship, this is simply what I said, the observation stage. I know it can seem controversial by stating not exclusive, too many times as women we latch on to one man, go exclusive, getting to know him and before we know it we’ve seen months, even years of our lives wasted on a relationship that had no teeth from the beginning. This does not mean that you have a slew of men or women in your life you simple don’t count out any potentially suitable mate during the observation, dating period. Sex does not enter the equation!! Let me digress: When sex enters the equation that rational part of brain that was able to see clearly and make sound judgments goes right out the door. We have a tendency to become death, dumb, and blind. We have a tendency to refuse to accept the flaws staring right in front of us. We become the fix it queen or king. Surely we can mold what’s lacking. We can dress him or her, clean them up, teach them how to walk, talk, eat, the list goes on. Sex is the great destroyer to sound thinking. Let me also say this, are you listening? Good because this is a very crucial and important point – God is not trying to stop you from having great sex. He knows we are sexual and relational beings. He has set boundaries to protect us. God knows that once sex has been introduced into a relationship all hell breaks loose in the atmosphere and in the rational mind of primarily the female. He understands its dangers and the destruction sex brings into the lives of all parties, that is, sex, outside of marriage. If you are not willing to make the ultimate commitment, marriage, how dare we play at marriage, wanting all that comes with the marriage covenant; sex, money, children, a future. The old adage why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free, is still alive and well.

Back on point once you’ve observed you and your potential future mate will collectively agree that you want to be exclusive. Once that commitment is made you will have entered into the courting stage. Here you get the opportunity to probe deeper into what you learned during the observation/dating stage. You truly should get the opportunity to ensure that you both are evenly yoked. Evenly yoked is not limited to your faith. You should be as evenly yoked in all important areas such as finance, child rearing, health, family, friendships, careers, short and long term goals. So many times we get involved with someone and generally it’s all about the external persona of a person and we fail to dig through the layers of the people we think we want to get involved with. You want to see how this person handles anger, disappointments, and difficulties. This is important because if he or she is a hot head you know you’re travelling down a slippery slope of potential violence and unhealthy reactions that can not only harm you but also your children if not now in the future. Is their behavior healthy or unhealthy? Jealousy, controlling, irrational, manipulative, domineering?

So now we’ve identified the dating and the courting stages let’s take a magnifying glass and probe deeper into the character. If it is true that we are only ready to date when we’re not willing to accept anything less than the best that God has, then what exactly is the best?

Five Character traits to look for:

1. Must have a demonstrated, active relationship with Christ.

2. Must have a servant’s heart. Here you will see if the individual will lay down their rights and consider your wants and desires some of the time. (Can’t be greedy and want someone who will lay down their rights all the time, that’s effectively a doormat.)

3. Knows the word of God, if a man, can he lead you and the family in devotion, and provide spiritual leadership in your relationship. If a woman does she know the word and understand how to be that example to your children, if applicable, and possess an inner spirit that is absolutely irresistible.

4. Must be a provider, if a male. He is committed to by whatever means necessary (legally) to ensure that his family has adequate provisions? Now don’t get this wrong I am not insinuating that he should be paying your way while courting, you want to observe how he pays his bills, handles his finances, accepts the responsibilities of meeting all his household needs. If he has children from previous relationships does he provide for the children financially and emotionally? If a woman she must possess traits of restraint where finances are concerned. She should be equipped and prepared to ensure that the money that enters the home is spread around to pay all bills. She should be frugal steadily looking for ways to cut back and save for rainy days. How does she ensure that she meets her finances adequately?

5. Must accept and love you for who you are; no changes. This is not to say that there isn’t room for growth, it just shouldn’t be the condition for a future together. Neither should be trying to change, redefine, mold, or reprogram another to create the other into what you believe the ideal mate is. You must be prepared to stay the course, meaning if marriage comes about, then you marry this person with the realization that nothing may change and the question must be asked can you honestly live with this person just the way they are for the rest of your natural life, because that’s what marriage is until death do you part!

Now clearly you may have some things you want to add to your list sense of humor, athletic, etc. Just ensure that the basics are in place, the five above. The five will last you through your natural life the other traits added may subside with age.

So once again when are you ready to date? You got it—when you are not willing to settle for less than the very best that God has for you!!

Salty Equals Substance: Have You Lost Your Flavor?

2016-04-20T14:49:00.001-07:00

This is a very important question for Christians as well as non- Christians. The salty conversation for non-Christians is what influence are you having within your immediate environment to the good? Are your conduct, your example, and your results that which enriches your immediate sphere of influence? Many times we equate the question of making a positive impact to at times being set aside for Christians only. Well I am here today to set the record straight, whether Christian or not you have the ability to bring about positive change within your immediate area of influence this means your home, your work place, and your community. Having said that I believe there is one important part of the equation if not a Christian that tends to prevent the absolute positive change that can only come about by and through the Spirit of the living God. Some just said “I lost you” but hold on, I believe it will become crystal clear where this is going – to the positive. Here we go. There is something to be said about an infectious movement that just takes everyone by storm. We have clear enough evidence that being “good” cannot be legislated. Just as we have clear evidence that being a moral person cannot be mandated, enforced, or adjudicated. There is the ability to do good things. There is also the ability to do and act morally on occasion. But the real test on being salty in a way that shakes a world is to create a ripple that changes the current atmosphere consistently and lastingly. Let’s prove my point, the offense of murder is legislated and judicially enforced, yet the people still kill, as a matter a fact they kill in large numbers. You could go through the list of things decreed unacceptable and then take a look around and see the people who simply ignore the rules. So if it was simple enough to put into law codes of conduct and that’s all it took our world would be a much different place.

Let’s take a look at the truly converted individual who has truly had an encounter with God.

•This person is extremely salty.

•This person doesn’t have to be told to do good or be good, or to live morally. This person desires to accomplish these very things because they have a desire to live righteous before a righteous God. The God they serve has deposited His spirit within that assist in governing, and equipping that person to no longer be a slave to that which is unacceptable and drives them to become a slave to that which is acceptable.

•This person has a heart for people, this person has compassion for people, this person values the life of human beings, this person endeavors to be a light in a dying world and this person ensures that their behavior is replicated not by force, not by coercion, not by intimidation, but literally by the life they live.

People are not drawn to this salty person because they carry a bible or wear a cross or say the typical “I’m blessed and highly favored”. People are not drawn to this person because every time the church doors are open you know they can be found in the church, but they are drawn to this person because they genuinely live a life before them that is laced with the fruit of the spirit: patience, kindness, love, compassion and self-control.

Here are some other glimpses into the life of a salty Christian:

•When they see an injustice they speak out on it, not in a mean-spirited way but in a manner that is strong and considerate.

•When they encounter someone going through they ensure their advice is laced with the word of God to ensure success.

•When someone is negative they have something positive to interject.

• When someone is sad they bring a word to up lift them.

•When someone is angry they encourage them with confidence to not let their anger go unchecked.

•When someone is grieving they grieve with them while all the while instilling hope.

•A salty person led by the Spirit knows when to open their mouth and when to just be quiet, letting the person in need know they are there if they need them.

•A salty Christian doesn’t act like they know it all, have all the answers, or have mastered a walk that is totally sinless. A salty Christian is transparent and let’s all know that God is not looking for perfection or expecting perfection, simply faith, obedience and a heart willing to learn, be molded, and will extend the very same grace they’ve received to others.

So once again we end as we began are you salty or are you lost your flavor? One of my favorite songs sung by Brent Jones and the TP (Total Praise) Mob is “Heaven in the room”. The radiant focus of the song is the fact that God has given us the power to change the atmosphere. It’s long overdue – stand up and be counted. God is seeking salty Christian’s who will change their atmosphere within their sphere of influence and leave the rest up to God!

Things Must Change: 7 Examples of Obstacles and Things That Hinder Us

2016-04-16T14:42:00.000-07:00

It is easy to look around and make the statement “things must change.” How easy it is to look at others around us and to look at situations around and immediately make that declaration, and yet when it comes to being honest with ourselves it’s not as easy. I am reminded of the song by Michael Jackson entitled the “Man in the Mirror”. In that song he states very eloquently, “I’m starting with the man in the mirror. I am asking him to change his ways. No message could be any clearer if you want to make the world a better place take a look at yourself and make a change.” If change begins with me the first thing I have to do is be honest with myself. I wrote an article entitled, “misplaced anger” in the article I challenged our mental state by looking at a situation that affects us and being painfully honest as to who is the primary culprit for our current situation. Life is full of introspection. If I truly want to live a full life I must dissect what are the obstacles that hinder me from being the best I can be. Here are some examples.

•My finances are meager – are they meager because of how you spend your resources? Are they meager because you do nothing to improve your skills so that you can make more money? If you are not being a good steward of the resources God has given you why in the world would God increase your resources? Check your spending habits.

•My life sucks – does it suck because you are the type of person who can never seem the positive side of life? Do you fail to appreciate your health, the very air that you breathe? Do you view a cup filled half way to be half empty or half full? Check your views on life and discover if you speak life into your situation or death. If you can’t see the beauty in the little things that God has placed in your view; the ocean, the sky, the green grass, the cool of the wind, the warmth of the sun, the light and majesty of the moon, then it’s hard to see how you will ever come out of this mental state of life sucking.

•My marriage is dead – is it dead or are you dead? What are you doing to breathe life back into it? The bible says that marriage is honorable. It states that the marriage bed is undefiled and more importantly we are reminded that it’s a good thing, God created it. Marriage is perfect it’s the imperfect people who come together and mess it up. See marriage through the eyes of God and seek His assistance at restoring the union.

•My children are out of control – Are they out of control because you failed to parent? Were you more focused on your own goals and dreams than your children? Where you too busy trying to be their friend than being their parent? If you can’t embrace your children as true gifts from God and endeavor to parent according to the scriptures you will find yourself distraught about your children all the time.

•I am not a happy person – Why? You must search yourself and find out where the unhappiness stems from. It’s not up to other people to make you happy, happiness comes from within. If you can’t look at your life and find the good that God has given you, how can you ever find true happiness?

•I hate my job – Are you thankful first and foremost that you have a job? If you hate your job what are you doing to make a career move? You have to position yourself for greater opportunity. Let’s face it if you can’t praise God for what’s been provided at this juncture in your life why in the world would He promote you? Trust me if you don't change your view on your employment situation you will continue the pattern of disappointments.

•I hate my body – You can control many aspects of this. How do you honor your body? What disciplines have you put into place? No matter what your current situation you must see yourself as being fearfully and wonderfully made. Embrace every aspect of your physique realizing that God made you unique.

The list can go on and I’m sure you can add some of your own ails to this list. While it’s important to list ails you must also be willing to identify the cure. The cure comes from your outlook on life. You must change how you view your current situation and learn to embrace the journey God has chosen to take you through. You must trust God every step of the way always remembering the good work that He has begun in you He is faithful to see you through.

Life is a set of ups and downs, a set of challenges, a set of victories, a set of failures, and a compilation of highs and lows and yet through it all we are reminded that all things work together for the good for those who LOVE the Lord (look up what it truly means to love the Lord) and are called according to His purpose. Paul reminds us, a principle we must embrace in order to find inner peace, “whatever state God sees fit to place me in I am content.” This means whatever job you have right now you will thank God daily for the provisions. This means your marriage you will thank God for the journey, the discovery, and restoration of it. You will look at everything that you find no joy in and fight to be transformed by the renewing your mind and begin to live your life through the lens of the Creator.

Punishment Versus Discipline: Focus on Obedience

2016-04-16T13:23:00.000-07:00

I was having a conversation today regarding discipline or the lack there of. This conversation sparked this article. I believe that everyone craves or better yet appreciates discipline – secretly and maybe even unconsciously. There needs to be a well-balanced use of discipline in order for it to be effective. Here is my simplest comparison. Remember the story of Goldilocks and the three bears. There were three components considered in order for Goldilocks to find the perfect place to rest in. There was one that was too hot and too hard, another that was too cold and too soft and then finally she encountered elements that were just right.

Let’s glean into the components of each type of discipline and disciplinarian:

Discipline given too hard can make one more rebellious, one more hardened, and potentially more violent. Anyone trying to get the one being disciplined to correct unacceptable behavior may obtain moments of obedience, but in the end finds an embittered person who doesn’t respect the intent or care too much for the person doing the disciplining. The actions used to correct unacceptable behaviors are seen as punitive and believed by the one being disciplined that great pleasure is being obtained by the one disciplining. In this instance the person holds a grudge or worse never re-embraces the one who was disciplined making the one disciplined feel as though your love, if ever shown, is only given if the child or other submissive individual walks the straight and narrow. This one reprimands harshly when needed but never compliments when the one being disciplined does something worthy of praise.

Then there is the one who disciplines with no firmness (too soft) and with no real conviction (too cold). This disciplinarian is inconsistent, incoherent, and generally given based upon an overall frustration rather than the situation at hand, meaning the person doesn’t quite understand why the one disciplining is so angry. The one needing discipline can repeat unacceptable behavior and not receive any recriminations for that behavior then one day, wham, the one disciplining loses it and takes out all of their pent up anger on the unfortunate one who chose the wrong day to do what you found no need to correct in the past. No wonder the child is confused.

Then there is the correct discipline. Discipline that is firm, consistent, controlled, and most importantly given by the one the person being discipline respects, beyond fear, but the one being disciplined clearly understands and believes that the one disciplining is doing it because they truly want the one being disciplined to be better for it. They want them to learn from the correction and prayerfully exhibit a character that has been shaped and molded by both correction and praise. This one, when the energy cools down, is embraced, told they are loved and explained to as to why the behavior exhibited is absolutely unacceptable every single time they do it.

This is the same discipline we receive from our heavenly Father. We are told that He whom He loves He chastens. When we are lovingly and firmly chastened we truly understand that the main source of the follow through is love. Love that insists and is committed to being the role model and the example that the one being disciplined may mirror in later years. This disciplinarian is one who lives by their own code of ethics (not do as I say not as I do). A consistent standard in the home allows all to understand what is expected and generally you find all abide by those consistent standards. This lines up with choices and consequences. Rules are followed and if they are not then there are consistent consequences.

The giving of discipline and the personal institution of discipline is a part of every area of our life if we desire to live a successful life. We must have discipline in the following areas:

•Our diet
•Our relationships (all of them - God, children, friends, spouses, and coworkers)
•Our health
•Our attitude
•Our pursuit of dreams and goals
•Our conduct

It is by our follow through in the above areas that those around us see the real us and prayerfully follow the example that is laid before them.

Love vs Fear: I'm Afraid, Someone Please Save Me

2016-04-16T13:09:00.001-07:00

The other day I was listening to a sermon and the Preacher said, “We should fear sin. We should be afraid of the consequences of sin.” And I asked the question myself, “Do I steer away from sin from fear or is it for love? Love for who or what you may ask? Well it’s for the love of God.

Proverbs says the beginning of knowledge is the fear of the Lord. (Prov.1:7) This fear is not “oh I’m afraid someone save me” it a reverential fear, it’s "a feeling or attitude of deep respect tinged with awe; veneration".

It just seems to me to walk around in a “scared” state is not healthy. But to walk around in state of and mindset of, “I love Him too much to hurt Him,” that my consciousness is wrapped in love, awe, and wonder, and all I desire to do is to please Him as He so pleases me.

This reverential fear is a mutually reciprocated experience and journey. It’s about loving someone and not wanting to hurt them and in return having those who love us and no wanting to hurt us.

The scriptures says the second commandment is like unto the first – love thy neighbor as thyself. Notice that the commandments, I know we are under grace and not the law, just bear with me on this, there is a point. The first four of the Ten Commandments were about how we were to treat and acknowledge God and the last six had everything to do with how we treat others.

Jesus said after He was asked Lord which commandments are the most important/the greatest He stated:

To love the Lord God with all your heart, mind, and soul and the second is like the first, love thy neighbor as you would love yourself. Of course the principle here is that you would not do anything to harm yourself so give your neighbors the same consideration.

We have a tendency to look at the law as a bad thing, yes the requirements of the law, death, was nailed to the cross (Col 2:14), it didn’t take away our consciousness not to mistreat people or disrespect God as a matter of fact because of Christ’s sacrificial death for us, we should desire, as children of God, to do right by all people, yes, even those who mistreat us! No tit for tat.

So I submit that as a child of God you do not have to fear sin, you just have to love God too much to go against anything that would cause Him pain. Remember this, true sincere love for God decreases the desire to find any enjoyment, pleasure in the things that He frowns on.

Breaking Barriers and Embracing Change: Growing Through Personal Transitions

2016-04-09T12:20:00.001-07:00

In prior articles I have addressed the need to understand that change begins with each of us, encouragement to become the change we would like to see, and the importance of understanding that change is inevitable. In this last segment we will bring closure to the conversation on change by providing the necessary tools to successfully embrace change.

What does embracing consist of? Embracing simply consists of and means finding a way to welcome change into your existence; welcome change into your work place, your home, and your community. Embracing change also means being a natural part of the change. It’s not enough to accept it once it’s forced upon you, you should also be a part of change, be an instrument of change, and be a factor of and for change.

Okay some of you are saying, “what in the world is she talking about?” I believe this next part will make it plain. If there is a status quo situation that you have been privy to that exists and you know that it’s not healthy, be the catalyst for change.

Let’s begin with your home; create an environment that brings about and fosters health and well-being. This is extremely important in your home. If prayer life is non-existent in your home resurrect it. If bible study is not a viable part of your home, resurrect it and make it so. If respect is not a part of your family experience institute it. If you are not living your life as an example to your family members, apologize and become that example. Desire for your children to call you blessed!

In your workplace; if the environment is toxic what can you do to change the environment? If grumbling is going on are you behaving the exact opposite? Are you speaking life into your co-workers? Are you being the light of your workplace? The salt, the substance that preserves, gives flavor, brings about positive outcomes? If you are not those things become those things. Embrace the possibilities such positive influence can bring into your working environment. We should not be a representation of the world but we should be a representation of Christ.

In your community are you the home that extends blessings to your surroundings because God is excited that you’re there? Do you and your family members, those who live with you and those who visit, respect the neighbors? The laws? Do you reach out and extend kindness to those in need? If not become the change your community so desperately needs and embrace the beauty of what the Spirit, when embraced, will illuminate for all to see. Always remember light shines brightly in darkness. Do you pray for your community? Your neighbors? Embrace what your spirit can do with the Spirit of the living God living within. Be the element that your neighbors seek out for counsel, for prayer, and for comfort.

Your extended family; are they respectful of your presence? Do they tend to catch themselves when they say something salty or unsavory? If not, embrace the need for you to check yourself. Look at yourself and examine how you are portraying yourself. Do cuss right along with the best of them? Do you act just as they do, but you simply say “God stuff” every now and then? Is your only testimony of “church” the fact that you go and not the fact that you live it? Come on yal we’ve got to do better. Embrace the greatness in you.

Here is the good news about change. There is only one element that we have been told is a constant and never changes, and that’s God! He says, “I am the Lord God and I change not.” If He doesn’t change then, neither has His requirements for living a life that is pleasing to Him. If He doesn’t change then us being the positive element of change in all areas of our lives is imperative. The bible says that we are to be light of the world. It further states we are to be the salt of the earth. It continues on to say that we are to be ministers of reconciliation, ambassadors for Christ. If we are failing to represent then we are failing God big time.

At the end of the day there is no getting around it - all change is interchangeable; Change begins with me, be the change you want to see, change is inevitable, and finally embrace change. The universal message you find in each article is this; every facet of your life is directly linked to you and how you represent. Everyone we encounter is either negatively or positively affected by our lives. We must choose how our epitaph will be written. We control the dash in between the day we were born and the day we die.

So as we began embrace change and make your world a better place, a place that God will look down on and say, “well done”.

At Whits End: Here Today, Gone Tomorrow....

2016-04-09T11:56:00.000-07:00

Today a lady well-known in my community passed away. She was a relatively young woman in her late 50’s. Today people were just mentioning how they had just seen her a few days ago and one mentioned how she had just had lunch with her. To the surprise of many this woman had a severe stroke on Friday, May 13, 2011. Within 24 hours of that stroke conversation took place about taking her off the respirator. Late this evening it happened she was removed from the respirator. I share this story because life is but a vapor. We have no idea how long our time on this earth will be. The wisdom of David is found in his statement, “Lord, teach me to number my days.” He understood that we all had a finite time on this earth and he was hoping for a glimpse into that time frame. Paul who knew his time was short stated, “I have run my race. I have finished my course.” Then there are those of us who are not as aware of the brevity of our lives. We believe we will go on forever. The bible states “it’s appointed to every man to die and then the judgment.” The wisdom of God by not telling us exactly our last day is many of us would live like a hellion and then on the day before we were scheduled to go we would accept Christ as our personal Savior in order to squeak into heaven.

There are many people through the centuries have predicted the exact date they believe the world would come to an end. We know that scripture tells us that each of our days will end as though a thief in the night comes in and swoop’s us up. We’re told no man knows the day or the hour and also admonished that since that is the case we should always be ready. My pastor is always reminding us that the only part of our life that we are responsible for is the dash. What’s the dash? It’s the line between the day you were born and the day you die. Each of us will give account as to what we did with the time given to us that is within our control – the dash.

For those of us who are Christian’s in 11 Corinthian’s we are told that our lives will be tested by an incredibly hot, burning flame. We are told that whatever we’ve done since our acceptance of Christ will go through a furnace some will have remains and others won’t. If your life has amounted to one pleasing to God we are told that our lives will shine like precious jewels. When the fire hits precious gems they grow my brilliant. Then there are those who will have done nothing with their salvation and their life’s works will instantly combust into ash; that’s the residue of hay, stubble, and wood. Many of us make the mistake of thinking because we went through the process of accepting Jesus Christ as our personal Savior that our salvation is sealed and there is nothing else expected of us. That is true to a point. You ask, what’s the point or where’s the point? Here is your litmus test to see if you truly accepted Christ as your personal Savior. Scripture reminds us if we have truly accepted Christ as our personal Savior that we are now new creations, old things have passed away and all things are becoming new. We are told because of what Christ did on the cross we no longer live for ourselves but for Him. We are told with our newness we are to be ambassadors for Christ and ministers of reconciliation. We are further told that we are the light of the world, the salt of the earth; we are supposed to lead a dying world to Christ by our very lives. In Revelations we are told that they, those who didn’t know Christ, are overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the words of our testimony. We are further reminded that true undefiled religion is taking care of widows and orphans and keeping oneself holy. We are reminded if we have love one for another then we are truly His disciples. We are told to live a life of forgiveness. We are supposed to be compassionate and merciful. With what we know that scripture speaks of, is your salvation sure? Are you sure that if Christ came back today that you would go to heaven? Is your life truly transformed? Are you a new creation or are you exactly the same? Has there been growth in your life? Will people remember you as a Christian because of your life or because of your membership?

It’s scary because I know those who say they pray but they spend absolutely no time in His word. I ask, what do you pray for? If you don’t know God in an intimate way, the only way you can know Him intimately is to spend time with Him in His word, then how in the world do you know how to reach God at His heart? The bible states all the promises of God are yea and amen through Christ Jesus. If you don’t spend time in His word how do you pray His promises? We are told that the steps of a good man/woman are ordered by God. You learn those steps by what His word says. We are told that His words, His statues, His laws, and His commandments are a lamp unto thy feet and a light unto our path. David stated in psalm 119, “thy word have I hidden in my heart that I might not sin against You.” You must know what the scriptures teach so that you can live your life in agreement with God’s expectations.

So as you review your life, Paul tells us each to examine ourselves to see if we are truly of the faith. The only two who know if you are truly saved and on your way to heaven is you and God. My prayer is that you don’t miscalculate and find yourself like the rich man looking up instead of looking down.

True Ambassador of Christ: Sparkling Gems or Fake Diamonds

2016-04-09T11:18:00.001-07:00

There is a worldwide recall of those who claim to be ambassadors for Christ. Let’s take a look at the qualifications to be an ambassador to first see if you identify yourself as an ambassador and then from there we can see if you need to be recalled or if your service are still desired.

An ambassador is one who is commissioned by a higher authority, usually a government. They are required to take the stated focus and position of that higher authority and convey only that – their focus and position. It doesn’t matter what the ambassador thinks, he or she must only state the official position. Not only must they state the actual position they must conduct themselves in a manner that confirms their agreement with the stated position. If the ambassador defers from that position and doesn’t cease and desist from conveying mixed messages her or she is recalled.

The bible states that those of us who are new creations are in fact ambassadors for Christ. Let’s take a deeper look at the following scripture text: 2 Corinthians 5:14-21

· Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life.

· Jesus died for everyone so that those who receive His new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them.

· We have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view. At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view. How differently we know him now!

· This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!

· And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to Himself through Christ.

· God has given us this task of reconciling people to Him.

· For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to Himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And He gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation.

· So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!”

· For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ.

These are some foundational truths that ambassadors must believe and the message they must convey. There are some additional components to being the ambassador that have everything to do with your life style of living and having your being in Christ.

· You are supposed to be the salt of the earth. What does salt do? It preserves and it gives flavor. While hope is to be in Christ and Christ alone, if you’re walking around all wowsey wowsey me.. with no hope for your situation. If you’re not speaking life into your ownself, why in the world would anyone want your God? If you walk around defeated all the time – unhappy in your job, unhappy in your marriage, disgusted with your children, always complaining about your aches and pains, always complaining about your lack of finances – why in the world would anyone want the Jesus you walk around saying, “I’m blessed, blessed of the Lord. I’m blessed and highly favored.” If that’s the kind of blessings you get by your presentation then I don’t want it! And neither does the person looking in and frankly who could blame them.
· You are supposed to be the light of the world – leading those who don’t believe into His marvelous light.

· You are to have a faith that is based on belief and not physical sight – for what is faith if you can see it.

· You are to be the peacemaker for then you shall be called the child of God.

· While living on earth, you set your heart and mind on things above on how you can please Him.

· You stand with God and call evil evil and good good. You put on the newness of mindset and you live and have your being with the following attributes: Since God chose you to be the holy people He loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.

· Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

· Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

So as I began have you been recalled? Here’s the test:
· Do you impact your workplace in the positive?

· Do you impact your family positively?

· Do you impact your faith community to the positive?

· Do you impact your community to the positive?

· Do you impact strangers to the positive?

If the answer is no then I have news for you, you have already been recalled. The good news, unlike the ambassador for a government, you can be reinstated! All you have to do it recommit to the things pertaining to life and godliness and ensure that you speak the truth that will set people free and that is the word of God.

Calling all committed Ambassadors for Christ please report for duty the world needs you!!

Woman 2 Woman Today! A Team Worth Becoming a Part Of....

2016-04-09T10:33:00.001-07:00

If you have ever read a Woman2Woman Magazine, you can tell when reading our articles, we are passionate about people, spirituality and relationships.

At Woman2Woman Today!, talent is our most important asset. We seek to bring on the best in the business and create a culture where their ideas are supported, growth is encouraged and remarkable ideas continue to flourish.

So, enough about us, tell us about you! Right now, these are our immediate needs. We hope you see something you like. But if you don’t, feel free to write your own job description and convince us that we just can’t live without you.

Don't wait around, contact us today to let us know that you are interested in joining the Woman2Woman Today! team.

For more information or to become a part of the team, please contact: Angela Harris at 619.867.2294 or Email: theharrisgroup@cox.net.

The Desperate Woman and How Not to Be Her

2016-04-05T13:23:00.001-07:00

So many women find themselves in desolate places. Sometimes the places are so dark they can’t see their way out. So desolate that, unthinkable things are contemplated or take place. Things such as suicide, drugs, excessive drinking, self-hatred, self-mutilation, eating disorders, violence, incarceration, depression and other mental illnesses. The interesting thing about the reason for most of these conditions is generally tied to a man. It is a sad thing to find that so many women place their value on whether or not they have a man. So today it is my goal to help free every woman who feels a man completes her, makes her, confirms her, validates her, and justifies her existence.

Let me state up front there is nothing wrong with desiring a man in your life. Where the challenge to health comes is when you feel incomplete without one, when you feel that life only has value as long as a man is prominent in your life. In this desolate state women resort to all types of men, buying into that old adage – a piece of man is better than no man.

Let’s look at what women are resorting too:

·         Incarcerated men
·         Bi-sexual men
·         Married men
·         Unavailable men – (these men are not available but no married. These men usually have several women in their lives and are not willing to commit. There’s nothing wrong with that as long as the women isn’t vying for an exclusive relationship.)
·         Immature men
·         Abusive men
·         Lazy men/uncaring about providing
·         Un-churched or churched but no relationship with Christ.

There is no need for a woman to feel desolate or desperate that is as long as faith in grounded in something that has permanency. As long as her faith in the process is linked to the relationship guru. As long as her faith believes that every good and perfect gift comes from above and as long as her faith states unequivocally that whatever state she finds herself in she will be content because God is the author and finisher of her faith. As long as she believes the scripture that reminds us that God knows the plans that He has for her plans for her good for an expected end/a hope.

Here’s the point. Too many things have driven the thought process as what makes a woman whole. A woman who is linked to the source understands that what God has for her it’s for her. She understands that she is not the hunter but the hunted (hunted not stalked). She fully understands that she is complete in Christ!!

·         To get out of desolate places a woman must value herself.
·         A single woman should be celebrating her singleness not despising it. She should spend this quality time purging past relationship, getting to know herself, becoming the perfect help meet, and concerning herself with the things above what pleases God.
·         A single woman is only ready to be with a man when she is willing to remain single until a man after God’s own heart enters her world and pursues her relentlessly (once again pursues not stalks).
·         A single woman should desire the type of man God has described: a provider, spiritual head of the home, head of the home, servant ship, protector, example for their children and their community. I know this is a tall order just remember this one salient point: there aren’t a lot of men out there like this but the good news is God didn’t make you for a lot of men. He doesn’t need to make a lot just that one perfect one for you, so be discerning.
·         Stop being impatient. Wait on God’s perfect timing. It hasn’t been too long and it hasn’t been too soon, God is perfect in all His ways.
·         Walk in the truth of who you are. Affirm your existence. You must realize that when a man finds you he finds a “good thing” and obtain favor from the Lord. Ladies, hear me, “You are a good thing.” To not have you is his loss and a man who doesn’t want you is your gain. Why desire someone who doesn’t desire you?!!!

Being desolate is a choice. You are in the driver seat. If you want to be viewed as a strong, victorious woman who is content in her wondrous self then you and only you can walk in that truth.

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"The Hook-Up" Culture and Beyond - Time to Revise Your Relationship Resumes

2016-04-04T18:41:00.001-07:00

I am so sick and tired of listening to women talking about what a man needs to have in order to be in their life, and the stuff he needs to have is generally material, so I ask the question “What does he get from you?” So many women have this laundry list of what they ultimately want the man to have who is blessed to be in their presence. The list usually looks something like this:

1. Good looking

2. Nice physique

3. Good Job

4. Nice Car

5. Romantic

6. A good and considerate lover

7.       Tall
8.       No baby’s mama/or at least no baby mama drama
9.       Ability to help pay her bills when she needs help
10.   Free/generous with his finances - not stingy
11.   Good sense of humor
12.   Strong/protector
13.   Spontaneous

You get the picture. So I ask again what does he get from you that is equal to what you get from him? I believe the place to begin when setting your sights on a mate is to spend as much time as possible on you, getting your resume together. The problem that I have is that many of the women who speak out on such things bring little if nothing to the table. Let me ask the question I believe the man above would like to see in the woman he would devote his time too:

1.       Good looking
2.       Physically fit
3.       Good cook
4.       Good homemaker
5.       Intelligent
6.       An encourager – someone he truly looks forward to coming home to and will be his biggest cheerleader, someone to put her foot in his behind when he needs that aggressive push.
7.       A good mother for his children – good values and a good example
8.       Frugal – ability to manage household finances – not a spend thrift but one who spends wisely.
9.       Not idle, not a gossiper, not a busybody someone who choses her friends wisely
10.   A woman with little to no drama
11.   A good and reciprocal lover
12.   Confident
13.   Good natured – good sense of humor

Now if you’re honest the resumes are not necessarily realistic on the surface as these resumes speak of perfection in the natural. Because you see I didn’t even address the spiritual. So let’s go ahead and add that.

1.       Is of the same faith
2.       Has an active life that reflects that faith
3.       Lives by the scriptures, teaches the scriptures
4.       Has a servant’s heart – desiring the best for the other not always insisting on being the center of attention but yields so the other may shine in their own right.
5.       Submits to each other
6.       Functions in the relationship as a respected partner and submits to the appropriate authority

I believe that each of us, if we’re committed to excellence within, are always striving to improve our resumes in the business world, but we tend to neglect our relationship resume. It is my recommendation that if you can’t present a stellar resume don’t set’s your sights on a stellar mate. Each of us should have standards, those standards must represent a reality that allows for growth as well as allows for one to come into their own. While it is not our responsibility to teach people and to grow them up, we do have the ability to influence by our very presence in their lives. There are some basic non-negotiable standards that should set our framework.

1.       Both must have jobs
2.       Both must have an active faith life
3.       Both should have little to no drama in their lives
4.       Both should leave their past in the past and not hold the other accountable for past relationships
5.       Both must communicate their likes and dislikes and not expect the other to read their minds
6.       Both, if they have children, should be stellar parents who honor and take care of their responsibilities
7.       Both should be willing to share the cost of entertaining each other
8.       Both should respect each other space
9.       Both should enter the relationship accepting the person for who they are and not come in with an agenda of changing them
10.   Neither should expect the other to pay their bills. You should be independent in your own right.

Notice none of these “must haves” or “should haves” were superficial but lasting character traits that are lasting and transferable to equip the next generation. So the next time you begin speaking out your list for your idea mate check your own resume and ask the optimum question: “What does she or he get in return?” Hopefully you will not find out that the answer to your question is “not much”.

Practical Advice From Who's Stand Point? Maybe We Get What We Deserve?

2016-04-04T18:00:00.002-07:00

In life receiving and giving counsel is an important component to life. Only if… you are ensuring that your advice is coming from someone who, regardless, will tell you the truth. Now the word “truth” is a subjective word for many. Some people give advice based upon situations they’ve encountered, how they dealt with it, and the outcome. Some people give advice because they heard someone else’s story and their outcomes and they recant that information in order to be helpful to the one in need. The problem with each one of the above types of advice, if supported with nothing else, is “the advice” can be more subjective. The state of mind of the individual while dealing with their situation is equally important when listening and or deciding whether or not to take that advice.

The reality of where we receive our advice is strictly based on what outcome we are really seeking. If I want someone to agree with me, let’s face it, I know who to call. In this instance this is more about me being right, than the “truth” being dealt regardless of the outcome. If I want someone to tell me the truth regardless of the outcome, I, too, know who to call. There is a scripture that says, “Many are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of the enemy (Prov 27:6). What this principle is speaking to is the following:

Faithful are the wounds of a friend,.... That is, friendly reproofs/counsel; which, though they may be severe and or not what you want to hear, may grieve and wound, and cause pain and uneasiness for the present, yet, proceeding from a spirit of love, faithfulness, and integrity, it is designed for the good of the person, and should be kindly received. But those who only want your approval or really don’t care about your best interest will lie to you or say what you want to hear without the honest intent of helping you.

There’s a worldly “truth” and a biblical “truth”. You must decide in which arena of life advice is in your best interest. It should be no surprise to those who follow me that we are going to deal with “truth” from a biblical perspective.

It is amazing to me that there is a book that each of us have access to in many different languages yet the

Psalm 1, one of my favorites Psalms says, “How blessed is the man/woman who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked. Nor stand in the path of sinners. Nor sit in the seat of scoffers! But his/her delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he/she meditates day and night. He/she will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water which yields its fruit in its season and its leaf does not wither; and in whatever he/she does, he/she prospers.”

This scripture summarized simple states that the person who takes wise counsel, stays away from the drama queens, and drama period, spends their time studying and meditating on the word of God, thrives in life. Regardless of what goes on around them in “their” season they will shine and prosper.

There’s another scripture that states, “Where there is no guidance the people fall, but in abundance of counselors there is victory” Proverbs 11:14

There is a word from God on wisdom. Please take the time to read it and let it soak in.

Wisdom shouts in the street, She lifts her voice in the square; At the head of the noisy streets she cries out; At the entrance of the gates in the city she utters her sayings: “How long, O naive ones, will you love being simple-minded? And scoffers delight themselves in scoffing and fools hate knowledge? “Turn to my reproof. Behold, I will pour out my spirit on you; I will make my words known to you.

“Because I called and you refused, I stretched out my hand and no one paid attention; and you neglected all my counsel and did not want my reproof; I will also laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your dread comes, When your dread comes like a storm and your calamity comes like a whirlwind, then distress and anguish come upon you. “Then they will call on me, but I will not answer; They will seek me diligently but they will not find me, Because they hated knowledge and did not choose the fear of the Lord. “They would not accept my counsel, they spurned all my reproof. So they shall eat of the fruit of their own way and be satiated with their own devices. For the waywardness of the naive will kill them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them. But he who listens to me shall live securely and will be at ease from the dread of evil.” (Proverbs 1:20-33)

There are many more scriptures that speak about receiving wise counsel and how the one who seeks, listens, and applies that counsel will find peace in the midst of her storm. She will find refuge in a time of trouble. When her heart is broken she will discover it mended. When her dreams seems dashed she will be refreshed being remind of the faithfulness of God. When your marriage seems to be crumbling, she will find solace with a God who can repair anything. When finances seem low, you will be reminded that God has promised that He shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory.

Trust me ladies and gentlemen – it’s in the operator’s manual. Ensure that you seek counsel within the confines of what you profess to believe then leave all the consequences to God!!

same message that is to be used as our operating manual and yet we seem to dismiss it or not consider it altogether. The operators manual is what you use when something you have is not working correctly. Why is it when, we, those who profess to believe in God, have something go wrong with us, something not working – our children, something broke - our spouses, people hating on us, getting on our nerves, making our lives miserable and the first thing we think of is to call one of our friends. The question becomes is your friend spiritually grounded? Let’s explore this just a little bit further. If your car breaks down what is your first reaction? Is it to contact someone who knows nothing about car repairs or is it to reach out to someone who knows how to fix cars? Delve a little further – isn’t it true depending on how severe the issue you might use a friend who’s a basic mechanic and can do a little something, something, but if it’s major you go where you know you can receive that major assistance.

"Affair Love" vs "Real Love" - Can You Tell The Difference

2016-04-04T17:45:00.004-07:00

When you’re in love with someone you’re in it for the long haul, at least if its true love that’s the case. If you’re in love with someone you tend to function in a selfless mode. You are concerned about their well-being. You’re concerned about their happiness. You spend a great deal of time getting to know their likes and their dislikes. You want to know what makes them laugh and what makes them sad. You get so close to that person that you know what they’re getting ready to say before he or she says it. When he or she walks in the room your whole world lights up. When you are having an affair with someone you are in and out, you’re hitting it and quitting it, you’re in a selfish mode of thinking and acting about oneself. It’s really simply about what you can get out of it, and if someone gets hurt in the process then, oh well, that’s the chance everyone took. An affair by the nature of the word is temporal, not meant to last. While being in love generally means lasting, an expectation of growing old together. When in love you both are committed to each other. When having an affair there is no certainty that the person you’re having an affair with is exclusively yours, quite frankly when having an affair you pretty well know the other is in another relationship or even worse they’re married. When having an affair there isn’t much, if any, talk of a future you’re simply taking it day by day.

So the question begs are you having an affair or are you in love? This application is universal. You can use these sentiments and definitions to really look into your life and assess what type of path you’re going down.

For instance do you:

Love money with a healthy respect for it? Do you respect what it can do and what it can’t? Have you learned the good, the bad and the ugly of it? Are you mindful of its role in your life? Or do you simply take it for granted and do with it what you will, only to find yourself coming up on the short end of the stick? If you say yes in the beginning you have a healthy appropriate relationship with money. If you say yes to the latter then you are having an affair with money that will only lead to disaster, financial ruin, and you will always find yourself in state of lack instead of a state abundance.

Do you love your children or are you simply having an ineffective relationship with them? You love them if you’re ensuring that their basic needs are met, and you tell them and show them your love by disciplining bad behavior and applauding good behavior. You love them if you’re training them up to be respectable young adults who respect their elders, authority, rules, and the lives of others. You love your children if you’re giving them JESUS not in word but in action – by the example of a godly life you’re leading. You love them if you’re willing to accept their anger by doing what’s right for them and not yielding to what you know isn’t good for them. You love them if you’re teaching them healthy financial principles. You love them if you’re living your life before them in a manner that they can and will desire to emulate, of course maybe not now but when they get older. You don’t love them, in the true sense of the word if you’re doing exactly the opposite of love.

Do you love your spouse or your significant other? (Read the beginning of the article to see if you’re in love or simply having an affair.)

Do you love the Lord or are you having an affair with Him? Let me be very clear on this – if you have no desire to spend time in prayer with him – you should check your relationship status. If you don’t spend time in your bible getting to really understand who it is that you’re in love with – then you should check your relationship status. If you don’t apply the teaching of the scriptures to your life – then you should check your relationship status. If you do not have a desire to appear to the world as a reflection of Him – then you should check your relationship status. If nobody knows you’re a disciple of His by your life and not simply by your words – then you should check your relationship.

So as we began I ask you in closing are you in love or simply having an affair?

Black Men & the Black Women Who Wait On Them: Not, Give the White Man a Chance

2016-04-02T14:36:00.003-07:00

Okay here we go I know some of you right now are ready to lynch me. How dare I make such a statement? And the better question is, how dare I not? This is not an article that condemns or shuns black men. As a matter of record black women have been more loyal, when it comes to relationships, for preferring, dating, and marrying black men than black men have. I spend quite a bit of time with black women who are looking for, praying for, and waiting for the right black man to enter her life, while all the while possibly missing out on a good man from another ethnicity. Ladies I just want to say that I give you’re the right to be happy, I give you the right to pursue longevity, I demand that you look out for yourself and realize that love and relationships are not limited to one ethnic group but that like your counterparts can be found in many hues, sizes, shapes, and geographical locations (not meaning the prison system).

If we just look at the competing elements sisters are up against today, for those who want to remain loyal to black men, it is staggering. Ladies you are competing with other women of other ethnicities, homosexuality, incarceration, and the fact that more women are born than men which, says already that there isn’t an equal ratio for a man for every woman of their particular ethnic group and this is across the board, maybe more so for black women.

In 2016 as women pursue happiness sisters you ought to do the same. You should set your standards and stick to them. Stop lowering them just to obtain a black man to say you have a black man. The reality is a piece of a black man is not better than having no man at all. Yes ladies encourage our black men, love our black men, speak well of our black men, and applaud them every chance you get while all the while refusing to be ignored, disrespected, mistreated, and cast aside. Say to yourselves you desire the best that is out there and accept that the best right now might be someone of another ethnic group. You are a beautiful creature, a gift from God, an individual to be loved, adored, pampered, and yes even taken care of and if a black man is not willing or available to honor those attributes then MOVE ON.

In 2016 ladies the best is yet to come in your life. The best is yet to come in your careers. The best is yet to come by way of friends and opportunities. Don’t be afraid to embrace 2016 with excitement and expectation. Open yourselves up to new adventures, new acquaintances, and new possibilities. Let me let you in on a little secret men of other ethnic groups find you wonderful, beautiful women desirable women and are really amazed that your counterparts are snapping you up like the precious jewel you are.

So I say to you as you journey through the rest of 2016 to prepare yourself, because the best in your life is yet to come!!

Got questions?? Be sure to click on the "chat" button to ASK ANGELA anything that is on your mind. If you don't want the truth, don't ask!!

Cleaning Out The Family's Closet: Breaking Generational Curses

2016-04-02T11:58:00.000-07:00

Of course I started the article with that salacious statement to get your attention. I am usually at a conference or listening to charismatic sermons and I hear this statement on a regular basis, “We need to break the generational curse!” I am not sure what basis this sentiment comes from. If it is a generic statement that people believe then they will need to expand it for me to clearly understand what they mean.

I have a sneaky feeling that it has a biblical reference so I went on a journey to discover what biblical curse did we need to fight against?

The talk of generational curses being connected to generations of families begins in Exodus 34:6-7 (6 And the Lord passed before him and proclaimed, “The Lord, the Lord God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abounding in goodness and truth, 7 keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children and the children’s children to the third and the fourth generation.”) The same thing is repeated in Numbers 14:8 and Deuteronomy 5:9. Yet in Deuteronomy 24:16 the Lord states: 16 “Fathers shall not be put to death for their children, nor shall children be put to death for their fathers; a person shall be put to death for his own sin. Finally in Ezekiel 18:19-20 the Lord affirms: 19 “Yet you say, ‘Why should the son not bear the guilt of the father?’ Because the son has done what is lawful and right, and has kept all My statutes and observed them, he shall surely live. 20 The soul who sins shall die. The son shall not bear the guilt of the father, nor the father bear the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself.

What are you getting at Angela? I believe the scriptures above speak for themselves: God began with a generational curse position but later rescinded that position during the prophetic ministry of Ezekiel. God has made it clear that each of us will be held accountable for our actions.

Also please remember this is a curse that was proclaimed against the children of Israel not gentiles. Also please remember that everything I quoted is found in the Old Testament. The Old Testament reflects the law and we are no longer under the curse of the Law. The Apostle Paul tells us that we have a better covenant and better promises than times before -- it’s called a dispensation of Grace.

Now there is curse that began in the Garden of Eden that all of us are still bound to and it’s been spoken of in both the Old Testament and the New Testament. That curse won’t end until the new heavens and new earth become a reality which is not slated to materialize until the second coming of Christ.

Let’s see what the bible says about this curse: “Cursed is the ground for your sake; In toil you shall eat of it all the days of your life. Both thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you. And you shall eat the herb of the field. In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread till you return to the ground. For out of it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you shall return.” (Genesis 3:17B-19)

When Adam and Eve were placed in the Garden they were placed in an incorruptible venue. If they had just kept the command of God they would have lived forever in bliss. You ask how do I get to that position? I am glad that you’ve asked I have an answer for you. In the Garden of Eden was the Tree of Life – eternal life. A tree, if they (Adam and Eve), had eaten from it would never have died. There were no weeds, no decay in the Garden before that fateful day that Adam and Eve decided to disobey God. When Adam and Eve were cast from the Garden it is stated that it was because the Tree of Life had to be shielded from them because they were now subject to death as God has promised in His admonition to them. (Genesis 3:22-24)

It is also important to note that the generational curse discussed early that was earmarked for the Jewish community – is not tied to the original curse that came about due to Adam who reflected all mankind. Romans 8:20-22 tells us: For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it in hope; 21 because the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God.

So the only biblical day curse that the body of Christ can be teaching about is the original one that we can do nothing about until the day of Christ return.

If I were to encourage you regarding fighting for your family. It would have nothing to do with a curse, it would have everything to do with wanting to ensure that you all can hang out together at the return of Christ. Labor in prayer and be an example to your unsaved family members. Labor in prayer and be ab example to your friends and co-workers. Our focus should be on and in concert with God’s desire. He wish that none would perish but that all would come to the saving knowledge of Christ (2 Peter 3:9)

This is why you must study to show yourself approved so that you will not be tossed to and from by every wind of doctrine. (2 Timothy 2:15 - 15 Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that need not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.)

Be encouraged!! I share this information because I want you all to be victorious Christians and the only way for you to be one is for you to know the truth for yourself!! This is a perfect example as to why you can’t simply take what is said from a pulpit as the truth – but you must be like the Berean’s in the bible, who after Paul the Apostle taught them, they went home and searched the scriptures for themselves to prove for themselves what he was saying was truth, and know that you know that you for yourself!!

Black People Are Ugly & Unattractive: My Black Has Always Been Beautiful

2016-04-02T11:33:00.001-07:00

If you’ve been following Keeping it real with Angela Harris, then you know we have been dealing with self-image and self-worth. We have looked at how we view body image and skin tones and the general consensus has been that we have allowed society as a whole to dictate what is beautiful. It would appear that images of Caucasian women wearing a size 0-3 seem to be the litmus test for beauty. When a woman is larger than a 12/14 we tend to call her “big boned”, “full –figured”, “big and beautiful”. The question that was raised was why isn’t she just beautiful without all the qualifying adjectives? Why is it that beauty pageants only show women within that range of 0-3 as the example of what each state, each country and then the universe deems as the example to mirror to be considered or called beautiful? We then asked the question does skin tone still make a difference in society. The consensus was divided but the statistics couldn’t be disputed. Lighter skinned black men and women are hired in record numbers over darker skinned people. Lighter skinned people make more money than darker skinned people. My niece who is a chocolate lovely lady made the statement, “why do people think they are complimenting me when they say, you are pretty for a dark girl?” She further remarked “why aren’t I just pretty? Are they implying if I wasn’t a dark girl that I would be pretty?”

Clearly we continue to live in a time when the media’s depiction of beauty still continues to be the

gauge by which many base their worth and their value. Like anything else in the lives of those we love we must help them define and in many cases redefine who they are so that they can walk in confidence regardless of how someone else tries to define them. I am reminded when my niece was born, being born extremely dark at the time and my mother began telling her from her cradle, “Nana loves little chocolate girls.” I believe that was the foundation that was set that created an extremely poised and beautiful self-assured young woman.

We must all realize that words have the ability to uplift or tear down. We must be vigilant in assuring that the self-esteem of those around us and those we encounter are molded in a way to positively affect and impact the hearts and minds of our young African American girls and boys. I don’t care what their daddy was or like or how trifling their mother was you tell that child how wonderful they are. You assure that child that they can be anything they want to be. You tell that child you love them. You tell that child that you wouldn’t want any other child then the one you have. Encourage every aspect of them with positive affirmations. Speak life into your children and not death.

This one is for free – if a woman enters a room don’t remark on her increased weight. She sees herself in the mirror every day. Trust me she doesn’t need you to tell her what she already knows and sees. It’s been said if you don’t have something good to say about person then don’t say anything at all.

What makes my black beautiful? I can now give you the answer. YOU make your black beautiful. You have been fearfully and wonderfully made, marvelous are God’s work in and through you. Embrace that phenomenal hue that you’ve been given. Celebrate the tresses given and wear them with exceeding pride. Shout from the far corners of the earth that your physique is just what the doctor ordered and that you will not allow your happiness to be based on what size you wear. We all can improve on areas in our lives YOU should be the person to determine where that improvement should take place. Don’t look at an arbitrary image and strive for it. Find your perfect you and develop it. If you don’t learn to love yourself as you’ve been created then you will continue to live a life through the prism of other people instead of your own self defined greatness. I salute you with love you beautiful black creation of God!