My wife and I recently celebrated the second year of our marriage by taking a trip into the Smoky Mountains. Along the way, we stopped at a strange and wondrous little place in Chattanooga, TN: the Dragon Dreams museum.

Below are some of the highlights.

Dragon Dreams Album

 

 

Dragons had escaped when we visited! Luckily we were able to evade them, unscathed.

 

 

 

 

 

Moses, move the dragon!

 

D&D shout out!

Praezor the Plunderer gazes longingly at unicorns and pegasuses frolicking in the realms beyond his magic portal...

A little red-headed girl walks proudly into Ugly Mugs cafe and directly up to the counter. “Happy Fourth of July,” she says. She is about six years old and alone, carrying a silver briefcase.

“Happy Fourth!” the cafe owner responds. He smiles warmly at her, clearly a regular. “Where is everybody?”

The little girl sighs dramatically. She hefts the briefcase up onto the counter, which is only a few inches below her head. “They’re coming,” she says. “They’re slow.” The father and another daughter, black haired and mousy, step in.

The red-headed daughter begins to order, but is interrupted by the owner and the father’s exchanges of “happy fourth.”

“I’m going to have cereal.” The red-head says. She’s wearing a flashy flower-printed dress and matching Mary Janes.

“We don’t really have that same kind of cereal anymore,” the owner says. “Its granola with almonds. Do you like granola and almonds.”

She thinks. “Yes,” she gestures with a limp hand. “I want that. With brown sugar.”

“Sure,” the owner says.

“And strawberries and bananas.”

“Ok.” The owner nods, implying that this order is not really on the menu, but could be done.

“And milk,” she says with finality.

The black haired daughter glances at me. We make eye contact and she looks away.

“C’mon,” the red head pulls on her sister’s arm. “C’mon lets go.”

“Do you want that in a cup or a bowl sweetie?” the owner asks.

“A bowl,” the red head says. “C’mon,” she pulls on her sister’s arm.

“And a coffee,” the father says.

“Sure,” the owner says.

“C’mon,” the red head pulls on her sister’s arm again. The black haired girl clearly wants to say something, but her sister keeps pulling on her. Finally, she hesitantly moves with her sister into the cafe. She has a book that she is clutching to her chest, and is wearing comparatively plain clothes.

The owner and the father begin discussing something. The father picks up the briefcase his red head daughter left on the counter. After a moment, he realizes his other daughter never ordered anything. He calls out to her, already sitting at the table, trying to read but constantly being interrupted by her sister.

“I’ll have a plain bagel with cream cheese,” she says with a shy smirk.

photo by Okinawa Soba

Moving in a daze. Having read or listened to some 500 pages of amazing writing in the last three days. Thinking and doubting and sifting through it all. Looking to the passenger seat and see, clear as day a samurai lord glancing sidelong at me. Looking all the world as if he is impatient with my slow, awkward three point turn.

Radio traffic reports actually are actually providing a service to commuters by explaining where traffic jams are. That way, they can avoid taking those paths and expedite their commute.

I don’t really know what I used to think about traffic reports, now that I really consider it. I guess part of me just thought it was an extremist form of gossip news. A car crash where? A bikini-car wash is causing rubber necking where? My heavens.

Mostly, I think I just considered it a nearly-comical audio-play that parodied a by-gone era of radio. A man speaks very quickly in an auctioneer-like voice, citing off obscure code names for roads like Hodar (Howard/Dan Ryan, but also a fitting barbarian name) and naming random directions. It’s not particularly funny, because most things on the news aren’t.

More quaint really, than anything.

photo by Troy Holden

Immortals think of humans like we think of pets. When men and women are starving on the streets, they look on and sigh. Then go about their day, doing more important things.

But when a mortal they love, a champion of sorts, is growing old or dying, their heart goes out to them. When at last they do die, the gods weep for a while. Some say that their heart is broken, but eventually they move on. Most often, they purchase the love of another, and live the joys of watching this new one mature all over again.

Here are some tips, tricks, and things to remember that will help you survive the massive Atalanta Science Fiction Fantasy media giant known as Dragon*Con

photo by Cayusa

Pre-Con:

6+ Months Prior:

Book Your Hotel:

Either one of the con hotels (recommended your first year) or a very close hotel you are relatively familiar with. The cheap, nearby hotels fill up very quickly, so snag them up as soon as possible.

My wife and I booked late one year a hotel a mile away, thinking “we’ll just walk.” First of all, the hotel was in the ghetto. It’s lobby smelled distinctly of marijuana. And they “lost” our reservation, even though I had the confirmation number and had booked it through their website. But the thug trannies mingling with klingon warriors made the stay worth it, for the stories at least.

Make Rooming arrangements:

Any given hotel room, no matter how pricey, can be made cheap with enough air mattresses. If possible, write up contracts in blood so if they bail on you, you can track them down and wreak havoc on their soul. From past experience, I can also say that non-con-goers are more likely to join the fun if the rooms are cheap and already taken care of.

Make Travel Arrangements:

Make friends with a flight attendant, or someone whose car is less than ten years old.

research guests:

I’ll admit, even as an avid SFF reader, I am often-times not familiar with many of the writer guests. But in reading them, I find that it was my own loss. And just in general, whatever field brings you at D*Con, you’ll get much more out of the panels if you familiarize yourself with a good portion of the guests’ work. It will also help narrow down your choices when it comes to scheduling time.

Start working on your costume:

No matter how awesome you think your costume is, you will be out-gunned. If you have never been to a big Con before, I honestly recommend not dressing up, as you may find that the duct-taped tron outfit went over well on halloween, but the guy with an actual custom-made fiber-optic tron suit blows you out of the water. But know that no matter what your costume is, you will never get the same kind of attention of the girl in the chain-mail bikini.

1+ month Prior:

1. Check in with your travel and rooming arrangements.
2. Build up your immune system with Airborne, vitamin D or some similar product. Con Crud is not a pleasant thing.
3. If you plan on networking, procure nice looking business cards or download Bump on your mobile device.
4. Finishing touches on your costume(s) (if you plan on dressing up).
5. Keep an eye on the Dragon Con website for the schedule to be posted. I like to take it immediately to your local printing supply store and run off a bound copy to start marking up immediately. Scheduling is pivotal. I cannot stress that enough.

Packing Checklist:

Besides the obvious clothes, some things that might prove useful (depending on room, of course):

1. A case of water (stay hydrated!)
2. A power strip (especially if you have many people sharing a room).
3. Hand sanitizer. Use often to avoid Con Crud.
4. Your own booze. Local micro-brew beers can easily win the hearts of nerds, who tend to have particular tastes.
5. Sandwich supplies and ready-to-eat snacks.
6. A cooler. Preferably a “back-pack cooler”.
7. Books and media to have signed and a permanent marker (in case you catch your secret love idling before a panel).
8. A CAMERA and a way to either dump pics quickly, or have backup memory sticks on hand. There will be a moment (that I refer to as “is that the Flying Spaghetti Monster?”) when some costume passes by that you simply cannot believe. Don’t miss the opportunity to capture it because you ran out of space on your camera. Though admittedly, if you do, you will likely be able to find it in a few weeks on flickr.
9. Over-the-counter anti-diuretics, digestion aides, etc.
10. Caffeine options. You will need them. My best advice: Instant coffee+hot chocolate powder+cold filtered water=cheap, delicious iced mocha. As much as I hate to say it, I highly recommend Starbucks Via, which can be purchased at any of their locations. Or the ideal alternative if you have room is a french press. Here is a great method to make iced coffee with a french press.
11. Condoms. Though unlikely, nerds should be allowed to dream. Just dream safely please.
12. Mini sewing kit/screwdriver/sodering iron, etc. For those last minute costume problems.

During Con:

Scheduling Tips:

• Pre-register as early as possible. And get there as early as possible, as the registration line can take up to four hours at peak times.
• Schedule thoroughly. There are so many interesting panels, you will need to thoroughly weigh your options long before you set foot in the convention. You do not have enough time to decide what to go to in the 15 minutes between each panel. Believe me.
• The extremely popular panels (typically, the movie/television stars) line up very early. Don’t take this lightly. You will need to skip at least one panel before them to wait in line to even get a seat, let alone a good one. My advice: pick and choose a select few “must see” star panels, and ignore the rest. There are plenty of great things happening in the “less popular” tracks.
• Spend the nights checking out costumes and partying. There’s very little panels scheduled past 8pm, but an astounding ‘night life.’ But don’t party too-too hard, or you’ll miss the Stormtroopers marching in the parade because you’re busy puking in a hotel bathroom.
• Get at least 3 hours of sleep a night. Snoring during an interview with Stan Lee will get you black-listed in the nerd community.

General tips:

• Don’t donate blood if you anticipate drinking that night. Being carted, wasted, into the hospital on a stretcher with Darth Maul makeup on is embarrassing to say the least. But a common Dragon*Con experience.
• If she doesn’t seem that into you, look past the fact that she is dressed as your favorite obscure comic book character and leave her alone. Because you’re annoying her and her friends.
• Many of the sellers will mark down their products on the last two days, rather than have to cart it all back with them. So wait off to buy that pewter dragon with the topless witch-elf rider until Monday.
• My personal preference is not to do any table-top roleplaying, unless it is a game you are wholly unfamiliar with, but interested in running. You’ll likely never see these people again, and you can play D&D with nerds at home. But to see panels with pro game designers like Jason Bulmahn, that is definitely worth it.
• Any time a panel’s description says something like “audience participation” or “open discussion” you can safely skip it. From my personal experience, these typically devolve into irritating, rambling audience members sword-fighting over one of a few (depressingly) coveted titles: Most Knowledgeable in the Field, Most Offensive Asshole, or Coolest Person Ever.
• If you plan on asking poignant questions, write them out before hand, and make sure they are short and actually a question.
• If you want to approach any professional or expert that will be present, asking them to look at your work or exchange information or what-not, dress professionally. There’s nothing more absurd than being approached by a nervous wookie with a portfolio of oil paintings.
• Eat off site or pack your own food. The cost of meals adds up quickly. But unfortunately, you must continue to gorge yourself in order to survive the weekend.

photo by Jakob Montrasio

How does one get published?

How do you do it? You do it.

You write.

You finish what you write.

You look for publishers who publish “that kind of thing”, whatever it is. You send them what you’ve done (a letter asking if they’d like to see a whole manuscript or a few chapters and an outline will always be welcome. And stamped self-addressed envelopes help keep the wheels turning.) Sooner or later, if you don’t give up and you have some measurable amount of ability or talent or luck, you get published.

-Neil Gaiman

Ridiculously simple advice, but it has really struck me lately. “Finish what you write” is certainly the best mantra I have had to date.

photo by Paolo Brandao

The following is an excerpt from a new project I have been working on titled “The Perfect Fane”. It is a high fantasy novel based in a world in a post-Ragnarok world of Norse Mythology . More information will be available soon!

The cry was followed immediately by a massive white snow owl that swooped overhead. The sound and sight of it terrified both of them, for they had heard no sounds, and seen nothing living beyond their own selves for nearly seven days. Aska yelped loudly, for he had smelled nothing either, even as this creature passed overhead. Clotilda, however, reacted with her keen instinct, raising her musket called God-Speaker with a quick snap, and fired, seemingly without aiming.

It cracked like the great lightning hammer Mjolnir, echoing across the landscape again and again, as if the force of it hewed the very Leaf apart. It seemed as if the earth and the heavens shook, to such a point that even Aska could feel waves of it reach him upon the spirit realm.

The musket had shattered completely, a cloud of black smoke curled up from the place where it had been fired. Yet even before the echoes had begun to fade, Clotilda emerged from the pillar, huge shards of metal and ash-wood embedded in her bare forearms. Blood coated her face, neck and hands. She charged forward, her longspear held forward.

Even over the ringing in Clotilda’s ears, over the booming echo, she heard the distant sound of the beast’s latent thump as it sunk to the dry earth. But Aska’s ears heard many more things in that moment: like the scrambling of a dozen hooves chipping up bark and stone alike, the cracking of several ancient oak trees at once, the desperate bleating of a solitary goat.

The setting sun struck the steel tip of Clotilda’s spear, refracted runic sentences flickered, ghostlike, in the air. The brightness of the sunlight washed out the filth and grime and blood about her, making her appear a pale and shimmering maiden, flying forward with astonishing speed and grace. The image brought to mind the tales of glorious Valkyrjas riding across the sky, their flashing shields and spears creating the shimmering Aurora in the night sky.

Aska shook the image off and jaunted after her.

As always, all original fiction is copyright Keith Potempa. It represents a work-in-progress. If you enjoyed this passage, check out more fantasy excerpts here.

photo by Keith Gallagher

So you may have noticed the blog has been on hiatus for a few months. Well this post contains a list, not so much as excuses, but of events that have occurred in my wife’s and my lives in the past few months.

USM:

I have been accepted into the MFA in Popular Fiction program at the University of Southern Maine Stonecoast. It is a low residency program, so I will continue to live here in Nashville and commute there for one 10 day residency per semester. The program is particularly exciting because I will be able to study genre fiction (which is looked down upon as a “lesser art” at most MFA programs), specifically fantasy fiction. I start in July.

A Job Worth Working:

At the end of April, I began working a job that miraculously fell upon me. Someone I met through my wife’s burlesque, who I ran a few 4E D&D games with, was asked by his boss if he knew anyone with experience working with Ubuntu who was a go-getter. Of all the people he knew in the world, somehow he picked the nerd who wiped his first D&D campaign completely and anticlimactically with a Behir.

In any case, the position is with a home health care company doing tech support. I’ve been learning a lot of command line and problem solving particularly in the Ubuntu OS. It has been glorious so far, particularly to not have to work multiple miserable jobs just to make ends meet.

The Flood:

All manner of creatures, including packs of dogs, brown recluses, and drug addicts were flooded out of their burrows on the first weekend of May. Shirtless and furious, they barked and bit at one another until swept under by the undertow of the rain and sewage rivers that ran through the streets.

Though it was ignored by the media, most of the Nashville area was underwater for this weekend. For us: the water levels were about a mere foot short from pouring in through our front & back doors as well as our basement. Our back yard and basement were completely underwater. My car suffered $1000+ in damage, even though we moved both our cars up to a hill before they were completely engulfed. Our typical slum-lord was “out of the country” and did not take a single action toward helping us for an entire week, meanwhile our basement was a cess-pit so foul we could basically not breathe in it. After much research and well-worded threats, he finally took care of the issue.

Big-Kid Purchases

I bought a newish car off my close friend in Illinois. It is a stick shift, and I learned via a couple fiendish hours of late-night practice and then a 7-hour trial-by-fire ride home to Nashville.

Additionally, my wife and I are currently in the market for buying a home. Stay tuned for results on that.

New Ventures:

I have started working on a new novel titled “The Perfect Fane”. The pitch? Post-Ragnarok Norse Mythology meets Epic Fantasy meets Steam-Punk. Have you been hooked? You can read some entries via the book’s new category here (starting tomorrow). More information on this project will be posted soon.

Also, my wife, the lovely Freya Luna has begun the first ever burlesque school here in Nashville. You can find information on her classes at their website: DelinquentDebutantes.com. Where can you see her perform? At the Colorado Burlesque Festival the weekend of July 9th and the Toronto Burlesque Festival the weekend of the 23rd. Also, you can find links to videos of her performances at her facebook page or her troupe’s site: Music City Burlesque.

And that about catches you up to speed. Thanks for sitting through this livejournal entry. Back to normalcy real soon, I promise.