Keith's Corner

Nasal douching

noreply@blogger.com (KK) — Sat, 14 May 2011 12:01:00 +0000

All I remember is waking up in the recovery room talking utter bollocks, the most coherent thing I remember saying was "I worked in the Dick Whittington hospital" to a nurse who replied I know you told us. Repeating myself again, must be getting old. Anyway, I was glad to be alive and was wheeled out back to my waiting wife. Nicole was amused by my ramblings as I shouted over to my bed neighbour "this is good shit they give you! A?" deep rooted Canadianism popping out.

The nurse brought me over some water and the tastiest tunafish sandwich I had ever eaten, I was ravenous.

After a few hours I was interviewed by a nurse and give my home care instructions.

Still happy to be alive and with no packing up my nose thank the lord, Nicole drove me home and tucked me up in bed in the room that was to become my cell for two weeks.

As part of my recovery I had to do what is known as nasal douching, yes it exists. Who knew? I didn't grasp it at first. However, the second attempt proved quite successful as what looked like half the inside of my nose. No. The whole of my inner nose fell out into the sink... Awesome. You should try it and report back. Full details can be found on the Internet.

I should mention that an apple iPad with air video installed is a great invention and an invaluable gadget for the bed ridden and lazy to boot.

Captain dog commented that he thought my singing voice had change, still no songbird! But have an individuality to my tone. I guess that's just something Lady GaGa and I have to live with.

all in all I had a good recovery and have become a life long fan of nasal douching...

Laters KK

Nose job

noreply@blogger.com (KK) — Sun, 17 Oct 2010 07:42:00 +0000

Three days ago I had nasal surgery, a septoplasty to be precise.

I arrived at the hospital at 08:00 and after numerous games of boggle on our iPad against Nicole, a futile exercise, I was marched off to theatre for my operation. To a born again worry pants this felt like Dead man walking as I passed all the other inmates I mean patents with my false bravado.

I was greeted at the gates of the theatre by some very friendly nurses and the anaesthetist who looked like he was eyeing me up for the amount of drugs he would be needing to put this elephant to sleep. Anyway, I was made to feel at ease, which as people that know me well would find to be an impossible task to undertake, especially as days before the operation Nicole informed me of the fact that 1 in 100,000 die from Anaesthetic. Oh really? Yeah. Ah! thanks for that insight.

From there I was taken into the theatre and asked to climb up on to the bed quite a funny sight I should think as I still had on my army green commando socks pulled up to the knee and a big split up the back of my hospital issue gown. One saving grace was I also had my lucky underpants on under the floral gown they had given me.

Then it began. Slap slap slap on my hands which hurt as my hands are quite boney. Then the anaesthetist said your going to feel a little scratch on each hand. Yeah right I thought. All the time people were hovering in and out of my field of vision, like in some cheap American sitcom telling me what they were doing and to relax. Relax! I had two people shoving plastic tubes up my veins for f**k's sake was a statistic but hopefully not the winner of the 1 in 100,000 lottery and thought I really should of gone to the loo before I came in here, but that's their problem now!

My friendly nurse appeared again with an oxygen mask and informed me that it was only oxygen to help me breathe. Then the aneasthetist popped into view and said you are going to get a bit light headed and drop off to sleep. He was right it felt like the feeling you get when you have drunk too many warmed Sakes. All I remember was thinking great, if I do indeed die here the last thing I see is a fricking smoke alarm.

To be continued...
KK

All grown up.

noreply@blogger.com (KK) — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 07:59:00 +0000

Our little girl is now a big girl, dated 14/06/2010 at the dinner table.

Yesterday Georgia mentioned that she didn't believe / had doubts about
Father Christmas.
I questioned her if he didn't exist "why do we celebrate Christmas
then?" she replied "it's the birthday of Jesus" so I said "but how do
we know it was his birthday he was born in a barn, who recorded the
birth?" She instantly replied "God." My only response was "ok then,
um! ask your teacher about Pagan's and Yule-tide".

I had better prepare myself for these dinner time discussions as I'm
sure there will be many more to come.

One expensive day

noreply@blogger.com (KK) — Sat, 01 May 2010 08:12:00 +0000

Last weekend Nicole took off to Butlins at Bognor Regis for Bekie's
Hen night and by the state she returned in I can deduct that they all
had a good time.

Well, this meant I had to entertain the kids, so we decided to go to
Tides in Deal for a splash around and then for a Scoot around the sea
front at Ramsgate, sounds good Ah.

We got to tides in great excitement and rushed in for some splashing
around in the waves and flying down the slides. We also had a couple
of games of Shark and fishes where I chase the Kids / Fishes around
the pool.

Then Georgia decided to jump in the pool from the highest ledge, Jed
was looking at it and said "No way am I doing that!" so flippantly I
said "Well Jed, If you do I will buy you that 100 pound Star Wars Lego
toy you want". Thinking there is no way he would ever do it as it was
twice his height up from the water. My mistake, I have never seen him
move so fast. Out of the pool and straight up to the ledge, one quick
look at me to suggest, 100 pound Star Wars Lego toy, Right? and leapt
straight off. Not only that the cheeky monkey grabbed his knees in
his first ever bomb. I was a bit gob smacked to say the least, when
his head popped out of the water he said "Yay! 100 pound Lego toy".
Not my best parenting moment but and can honestly say I'm proud of the
little fella on two counts 1, He confronted his fear and 2, He totally
played me the little sod.

Anyway, we got changed and headed out to the car to find a parking
ticket on the window for 50 pounds. In our excitement to get into the
pool I didn't notice the postage stamp sized Pay and Display signs.
Played again! but I'm not so proud of Dover f#$king council.

Hey ho, can't wait to help Master Jed I Silk build his new imperial
star cruiser and I will post some pictures as we build it.

Sunny Side up.

noreply@blogger.com (KK) — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 22:09:00 +0000

Okay, It's been a while since my last post and I can only confess in
telling you that it has been down to what can only be described to as
seasonal depression.

Now the sun has finally decided to appear after a deep and dark
winter, I'm hoping the thick overcoat of depression will finally be
lifted from my weary shoulders and cast off in the unwanted clothes
bin in Tesco's carpark for some poor old hobo to find refuge in.

Anyho! We spent a day down at the beach hut last weekend but I am
disappointed to find out its not crab season yet.

I also met my first down from London jumped up dingbat whist vainly
trying to catch crabs with left over fish and chips as bait. At first
she seemed like a nice little girl, until I noticed that she
constantly informed me that actually her main home is in London and
mummy and daddy had just bought a second home in Broadstairs. Well I
hope they enjoy it is all I can say. Stupid girl only had sparkles on
her net to tempt the crabs! I mean really!

What she needs to do is rummage through a bin or two for left over
fish and chips like us real local crab fishermen...

All Tomorrow’s Parties, Butlins, Minehead 2009

noreply@blogger.com (KK) — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 09:34:00 +0000

This year I was invited to the ATP’s The Nightmare Before Christmas festival at Butlins in Minehead, or as I read on a recent tweet “the bearded guy in Skinny jeans and trapper hat festival". I have always wanted to go but for one reason or another have never made it to any of the events over the last ten years.

I can honestly say that I am gutted that this was my first one because it was right up my street. Known for its alternative approach to a music festival, it takes over the out of season holiday camp with a single band or artists choice of music. This year was a special tenth year celebration and is being held over ten days. The festival kicked off with a long weekend curated by My Bloody Valentine then you have the opportunity to stay for the in between days to watch various bands playing in the smallest venue and to 100 or so people watching, starting up again on Friday for another long weekend with the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Mudhoney and Sunn O))) to name a few of the fortyish bands playing.

My highlights of the last weekend was the good banter in the chalet and lovely vegetarian food cooked up by Karen, we had a good crew of ATP buddies including Josh and myself, Lee, Bev, Kerry and Karen. We also hung out with Dave and his chalet full of Thanetonians.

On a musical note we started off with WITCH that I enjoyed and has J Mascis (Dinosaur Jr) drumming for them. That night we watched My Bloody Valentine and let’s just say they were loud, very loud.

Other bands that stood out for me were Lightning Bolt that are famed for their gorilla style gigs as in they set up on the floor with everyone around them.
A Place To Bury Strangers, who are quite possibly my new favourite band.
Sonic Youth who were my old favourite band.
J Mascis and the Fog that had Kyle Spence (from Widespread Panic) on bass that I watched on my own while everyone had dinner back at the chalet and they were excellent.
The Buzzcocks playing hit after hit and some might say blew MBV off the stage.
Plus a band called Fucked Up from Toronto, Canada that finished off a night with a blast of lead singer Pink Eyes punk rock excellence.
Also, surprisingly for me, I enjoyed Harmony Rockets - Performing Paralyzed Mind of the Archangel Void, a single 42-minute ambient noise piece.

To sum up I had an enjoyable long weekend that I will be attending next year and possibly in New York this summer my fingers are crossed while I type (Hint, Hint Nicole big birthday coming up).

Oh and if anyone would like to take over my Christmas duties this weekend so that I can nip down for the ten years of ATP shows, I would be forever grateful.
KK

Are you to old for skateboarding?

noreply@blogger.com (KK) — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 10:02:00 +0000

My daughter has recently taken up skateboarding and every week I take
her down to Revolution Skate park in Broadstairs for a two hour lesson
that she loves. The thing is I am so jealous of my little angel and
really want to join in. The problem I face is I haven't been on a
deck for around twenty years plus, but surly its like riding a bike.
Right? Also it's gunna hurt as a teenager falling off was no problem.
However, 13 stone (Okay 14 stone) of 39 year old man bones hurtling
towards the ground after a misplaced Ollie is a scary thought.
Well I'm always up for some stupid idea or another, so I think I will
give it a bash, although I am gunna look a right tool in the safety
gear!

No beer for a year!

noreply@blogger.com (KK) — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 22:16:00 +0000

Captain dog has recently posted that he is to abstain from the
delights of alcoholic beverages for a year.

I must admit I too have been feeling the wrath of the binge drinking
Gods a bit to much recently.
Therefore, I am accepting the challenge with my canine pal.

So, its no beer for a year then! More importantly this means we will
be so fit and healthy on next years Yomp, that we will be able to star
jump the thirty odd miles round or with all the money we save we could
employ people to carry us round on cushioned platforms.

Strange gizmo

noreply@blogger.com (KK) — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 22:26:00 +0000

I have to wear this strange gizmo for twenty four hours, that reads my
blood pressure every half hour.

This has all come about from the fact I need a nose job (another
story) and the hospital won't operate on me because on the pre op my
blood pressure was to high.

The fact of the matter "I believe" is that on the morning of the pre
op, I took delivery of eight railway sleepers that got dumped on the
road leaving me no option other than lifting them all into my garden,
then already running late for the appointment I got into some verbal
road rage with a fine example of Ramsgate's taxi fleet only to be
stuffed in a hospital waiting room with dog eared copies of magazines
that no self respecting metro sexual wannabe would dare to hold. Then
with nowhere to run or hide I mistakenly and unintentionally partook
in a one sided conversation with a hospital cleaner, She gave me an
hour long lecture about the state of Thanet's housing market for gods
sake.
Now you might think that's it, but no. This was followed by a middle
aged but very hot nurse asking me questions about my general health
and bending down with a very low-cut top on to take my blood pressure.
White coat syndrome! I shit it, try a morning like that to get ya
heart racing. Anyway.
I finally get sadomasicism now! It's like knowing when the pain is
coming but you find yourself sitting and waiting for it with a sick
longing, that only goes away briefly after the gizmo has very nearly
severed your arm off with its sick and demented huffing and puffing.
Gunna be a long night! Me thinks...
KK

2009 Thanet Yomp. Done!

noreply@blogger.com (KK) — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 13:05:00 +0000

We did it again 25 odd miles in 8 hours a bit of mountaineering and
only two beer stops along the way. As ever the conversation was
enjoyable and we all got a few rants off which were recorded by the
distance they lasted. This year the rant champion was SAS Steve with
his impressive half a mile rant from the sea cross country towards St
Nicolas at wade.

The dog poop count was unbelievably high and we decided that if dog
owners can't pick it up, then we will as a civilised society will have
to exterminate all dogs and force the ex-dog owners to have cats or
hamsters on leads instead as all cats in Thanet Poop in my garden
anyway. Thus leaving the public walkways clean and as for hamsters,
their poop is not quite so offensive to the foot as dog poop is.

We also discussed the Royal Marine Commandos final test the infamous
thirty miler in eight hours.
From the blisters on my feet and aching limbs I take my hat off to all
Marines as we were quite a bit behind them in distance and time plus
they don't even get beer breaks on route.

For the photographic diary of the 2009 Thanet Yomp please have a look
at my fellow yomper Captain dogs blogg www.captaindog.blogspot.com

Also I can report that the Christmas house on the way to Westbrook
from Margate still has its decorations up. Who says Margate hasn't
got any character.

The 2009 Thanet Yomp.

noreply@blogger.com (KK) — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 22:19:00 +0000

The Thanet Yomp has come upon us again taking place this coming Saturday.

No clues as of yet as to which way round the island we will be going,
just see how the wind takes us I guess. Although, I enjoyed last
years route but this probably has a lot to do with the first years
crippling blisters.

I am looking forward to a nice slice of home-made carrot cake from the
café in Cliftonville as we pass by and there have been preliminarily
talks on having beers after we finish, which will take the meaning of
staggering home after a few to a whole new level.

The first year we counted the islands coastal walls racist graffiti,
the second we noted the homophobic graffiti. So this year for a nice
change I think I will be counting the dog crap that people have
forgotten to pick up after their mutts have defecated on public foot
paths.

So god speed fellow Yompers Captain Dog and SAS Steve and if you see
three bumbling wrecks hobbling past your place in Thanet raise a hand
and give us a cheer.

Ceiling Rose

noreply@blogger.com (KK) — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 02:11:00 +0000

Today I am going to attempt to put up a new ceiling rose and fit a new
combination fan and light. If I succeed my triumphant pictures shall
follow. If I don't, Its been a good life and I regret nothing . KK

Wardrobes

noreply@blogger.com (KK) — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 10:35:00 +0000

Wardrobes are like a reverse tardis. No matter how big the wardrobes
you buy you will never fit everything you want into it. So that's it
I'm going to buy a house with one of those fancy walk-in wardrobes to
see if I can fill that up. But surely a walk-in wardrobes is just a
room on a room or some might say a closet and I bet you that I just
end up putting a wardrobe in my walk-in wardrobe, filling both my walk
in wardrobe and walk-in wardrobes wardrobe an then I will have to look
into getting some rented storage in an industrial estate somewhere.
What a palaver this will be! It will take me ages to get ready for a
night out on the town. Oh and don't get me started on ironing!

Birthday Season

noreply@blogger.com (KK) — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 21:50:00 +0000

Georgia and I both had great birtdays this year. Celibrations
included a ten pin bowling and beach party for Georgia and we all went
out for a slap up meal for mine. Then on the following Saturday Nicole
and I meet up with Dean, Parks and Stringer for a few tall ones on
the Ramsgate strip. On the Sunday we hit the beach hut again followed
by a Pizza party back at the house and that's not all, we are off for
two days of plastic brick filled fun at Legoland. Yippee I love
Birthday season...! KK

Navy Seals

noreply@blogger.com (KK) — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 11:59:00 +0000

“Would you give me a cuddle Stuart, that shiny bike has put the wind right up me?”

noreply@blogger.com (KK) — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 11:52:00 +0000

"WOW! Look at that bicycle Simon; I think it’s a Marin Alp Mill Valley?"

"Sorry Sid, I can’t tell the Sun is shining on it."

Seals

noreply@blogger.com (KK) — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 11:14:00 +0000

I went out on my bike yesterday and found myself on the banks of the
estuary near Sandwich confronted by thirty odd seals, when along came
Captain Pugwash with a boat load of camera happy tourists. Proudly
grabbing his loud speaker he announced, "Excuse me Sir, but you
probably didn't no that your shiny bike is scaring the seals".
Now I was glad to hear that he appreciated the polish on my beautifully
maintained bicycle, however It was only on reflection that I thought
hold on a minute Captain Pugwash, what about your diesel powered,
ocean polluting, smelly, noisy, overcrowded, camera flashing tug boat
you f**king pompous Birdseye add campaign.

So although I initially felt a tad guilty I got over it on my ride home.

zip's

noreply@blogger.com (KK) — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 12:06:00 +0000

Are zip front jeans the devils creation? I have worn some jeans today with a zip fastener, I haven't worn these particular jeans for a while, and must admit that i was a bit hasty in the speed of fastening this morning. Anyway no harm done. So fella's be warned. Zip up jeans are not just for christmas. They could be for life!

Millau Viaduct

noreply@blogger.com (KK) — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 22:29:00 +0000

Josh and I drove over the Millau Viaduct on our way to Spain and on
the way back. It is quite a sight. The highest vehicular bridge in
the world. very impressive...

Calais

noreply@blogger.com (KK) — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 01:00:00 +0000

End of the road in Calais and Keith treats Josh to a 5 star hotel with bunk beds, before our big shop tomorrow at city europe. On tonights agenda, bowling and a meal in a french stylie.

heading home

noreply@blogger.com (KK) — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 09:34:00 +0000

We were somewhere around Clermont on the edge of the Pyreenes when the Buffalo burgers began to take hold. I remember saying something like "I feel a bit lightheaded; Maybe you should drive...." And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, which was going about a hundred miles an hour with the top down to Paris. And a voice was screaming: "Holy Jubus! What are these goddamn animals?" Then it was quiet again. Josh had taken his shirt off and was pouring San Miguel on his chest, to facilitate the tanning process. "what the hell are you shouting about?" he muttered, staring up at the sun with his eyes closed and covered with Spanish Kanye West sunglasses. "Never mind," I said. "It's your turn to drive." I pointed the Ford focus toward the Etap hotel. No point mentioning those bats, I thought. The poor bastard will see them soon enough.

it's over

noreply@blogger.com (KK) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 10:06:00 +0000

Saturday night Josh and I stayed up until 07:00 strutting our stuff to 2many DJs. Which I might add "were excellent". The next day started a tad late but we managed a dip in the pool to sooth poor Josh's sun burn. That night Josh bravely jumped on the bus to head to the festival with Neil and Mark from Maidstone "small world" while i had a touch of thirty-eight-itus and needed some sleep. On all accounts the Killers were good but Franz Ferdinand still hold the title for band of the festival, and coming from a life long Oasis fan you can imagine how good they were.

day three

noreply@blogger.com (KK) — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 16:31:00 +0000

Franz Ferdinand and Maximo Park stole the show so far.

The beers are huge!

noreply@blogger.com (KK) — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 18:33:00 +0000

Beers come in one litre cups! oh dear what shall I do.

Earth, Wind and Fire.

noreply@blogger.com (KK) — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 09:04:00 +0000

Day two got cancelled after a huge wind storm and a fire in a field near the venue.