Kelley's Break Room

The character from the Harry Potter books that I look most like (unfortunately)

2017-06-06T12:16:00.001-05:00

Hello, hello, hello!!

Is that you? Did you cut your hair? So. Cute. I'm also LOVING your shirt. Gosh, it is so good to see you. We haven't met in this break room in a while. I am having the hardest time giving this place up. I just can't do it. I want to keep it. I've invested in a LOAD of Fabuloso to get this place shiny again for you and, you know, once you fork it over for Fabuloso, you just can't walk away.

Can you do me a favor?

Could you just poke your head around and let me know what you think? CAN YOU SEE THE SIDEBAR? Is the font too small? Is it too hard to read? Is the font way too large? Are the colors ugly? You see, I have had a customized blog for a long, long time. I am moving away from that so that I can just manage it all by myself without paying someone to come in here and tinker with everything. That is why I would really appreciate your feedback. I just need someone else looking at it and telling me the ugly, ugly truth, much like my own sons would.

My 9-year-old shoots it straight. The thing is, he doesn't know much about websites, so I would rather that you tell me what you think about website-related issues. I had a dose of his honesty this morning. I've got issues with eyebrows. When I was four years old, I was putting plastic make-up on my neighbor's dad. I know, girl. That is strange enough. Anyway, he turned just so in his spinning recliner and I fell face first into the coffee table's corner. This placed a nice gash in my right eyebrow. Hair won't grow there and I've had eyebrow issues ever since. I am clueless when it comes to shaping them. Anyway, I got a bad case of overplucking the other day, so I tried to fix it with an eyebrow pencil this morning.

"WHAT is wrong with your eyebrows?" my 9-year-old asked me as soon as he saw me this morning.

"What do you mean?" knowing full well what he meant. I was going to try to sneak my eyebrows past everyone today. I wasn't expecting to get called out so soon.

"They're all curved wrong or something."

"Tell me what you really think."

"You look like one of those Harry Potter characters at the bank at the roller coaster ride at Universal Studios."

Man, I'm telling you. My family is super lucky that I laugh at these things. I had to laugh at his boldness. We'll have a discussion later about how those Gringott guys don't even HAVE eyebrows. FOR GOODNESS SAKES.

I am happy to be back on this blog. If you are a blogger and have something that you'd like for me to read- or anyone to read that may come across these comments- please place a link in the Facebook comments below.

And, again, any feedback about the website or mobile site would be so appreciated!!

The S.E.C.R.E.T. Misson at the Children's Museum of Houston: Fun, Rewarding & Challenging!

2016-09-04T20:57:00.002-05:00

The Children's Museum of Houston is alright in my book. Those people keep my contact information in their virtual Rolodex and reach out from time to time with some great opportunities. The most recent example is when they reached out to me at the beginning of the summer to ask if I'd like to visit with my family to try out the new S.E.C.R.E.T. Mission, which actually has its last day at the museum TOMORROW, SEPTEMBER 5TH! Labor Day is the very last day you can experience this awesomeness. Ack! Leave it to me to tell you about it at the last minute. The "Special Elite Crime Resolution and Espionage Team" has seven missions that you can be assigned. They range in level of difficulty.

Your group can have each child receive an individual mission, you can work in teams or you can pair off and solve the missions that way. My best friend since fourth grade and her three kids joined me and my two. Her kids are in 8th, 6th and 4th grades and mine are in 6th and 3rd. She went with her two daughters on a mission and I went with my two sons and her son on a mission. Let me say from the beginning that I am so glad we did it that way. We saw them all throughout the time we were there. The missions are supposed to take roughly 30 minutes each to complete, but, of course, that depends on how many tangents are involved with your crew. There is an additional charge for the missions, too. I have to say that the mission we received wasn't easy and I felt like we needed to put our minds together to get it right. My 6th grader would have figured it out but the other two (3rd and 4th) would have needed some guidance. I think they would have gotten too frustrated and given up if I hadn't been there.

This is a picture of my friend's son checking in. All the kids get their handprint scanned, but, now that I think about it, I don't think we actually activated anything with a handprint, so I think it was all for show. You can see in that picture that he is wearing an orange and black bracelet. This had information in it that allowed him to open doors and activate other things during the mission. This took place in the "spy shop", which sold all sorts of cute things pertaining to science and forensics.

You can become an "elite agent" with your picture shown on the screen for everyone to see IF you solve all 7 missions. Since I am just posting about this on my blog (and if this is the first time you are hearing about the missions), it doesn't look like you or your child will become celebrities this way. We went to the mission the week or two before school started. We just finished our second week of school, so it took me 3-4 weeks to get my act together and write this post. Ugh. I can really annoy myself sometimes. If I had known it was about to wind down, I would have written it much sooner. Maybe I can find out where the S.E.C.R.E.T. Mission will be heading to next and you can follow them. If you care at all about learning to become a top secret spy, you'll figure out a way to get yourself there. Or just go tomorrow! Labor Day!

These badges illustrate the different missions that you can be given. I don't think we picked a certain mission. They assigned us one based on the difficulty level that we requested. I think I requested the "Don't make me look really stupid in front of my kids and my friend's son, please" mission, which I also think had something to do with securing some expensive, top secret crystals. You can buy the badge for the mission you completed at the end for only $316. I take that back. It was only $3 or $4. Maybe $5. Somewhere between there and $316. So, not bad.

Each mission receives a different set of tools, such as a magnifying glass, a USB port, a flashlight, etc. Pictures of some of the tools are below. You also receive a special book that keeps you on track during your mission and a pen on a lanyard. All of that makes you feel very espionage-y. I dare someone try to stop you when you are looking super official with all of your gear. You get special permission to enter through the exit in one section of the museum because of your special badge, so WATCH OUT, CRIMINALS. WE HAVE LANYARDS. STEP. BACK.

This is my son personalizing his mission book. They were all so excited to get started. The older kids were trying to act like they were too big for it at first, but then they got into it. They liked pretending, too. Of course, they did. It was a challenge with a lot of different scenes and places to discover.

Throughout the mission, you will find that you keep getting directed back to the mission control area, which has a very NASA-y feel to it. You have to log on to the computer with your bracelet to receive the next step or the next clues to solve the mystery. It was very cute and very well done. It was entertaining for the adults, too. There are lots of computers, even on a busy day, so there isn't really any waiting for your turn to get the information that you need.

Below are my friend's daughters getting the information that they needed. I'm not sure which mission they were on, but it was different from ours. We were still trying to compete to see who would finish first. Those three were a fierce trio, though. We couldn't catch them! My guys also liked to make frequent stops, such as for lunch. Still not sure how they could stop to it when there was rampant crime going in right there in the Children's Museum. The evil doctor WAS TRYING TO STEAL THE ORANGE CRYSTALS, FOR GOODNESS SAKES!

Another cute part of the mission was choosing your undercover name. There were so many fun ones to choose from. It looks like my son chose Zero Dragonfly, which is ironic because that is the name we almost named him. (Where's an emoticon when you need one?)

The crystals! Here they are! Those look worth saving, if any crystals ever looked worth saving. You must agree? Just looking at them again makes me not regret the few times I snapped at my kids about not having enough time to use the fake ATMs at the fake bank in the fake town while trying to solve the crime. I had these beautiful crystals in mind. If I didn't stand up for the safety of those crystals, please tell me who would?? *blots sweat from brow, gets back down off her chair*

Those fake ATMs and these giant lily pads below really can get a spy off course, but what is a trip to the Children's Museum without getting stuck on a lily pad and having a quick panic attack that you can't escape? I don't say that from experience or anything.

Now, HEEERRRREEEE'S where it all went down. These pipes. These dadblasted pipes. We weren't sure how to get the pipes to work for us right the first time, but luckily the people that work at mission control were super nice and knowledgeable, so they got us back on course. After a little frustration, we grew to love these pipes. They light up with different colors and shapes. You have to enter a special code into them to solve the case ultimately. It was tricky and rewarding. The kids loved that part. It was obvious when the crime had been solved. Once you received the flashing lights that you were waiting for, you had to hurry back to mission control to wrap everything up.

The experience was definitely a fun one. If we were to do it again, I would get there early and do it first thing so that there would be plenty of time (and energy) left over to explore the rest of the museum. I think we all formed some fun memories that day! Remember, tomorrow is the last day that it is at the Children's Museum of Houston, so consider heading over there to try it out!

The museum covered the cost of admission, the cost of the missions and the cost for parking in exchange for an honest review. This an honest review! No smoke and mirrors here!

2015 Kia Soul EV Review: My entertaining experience with an electric car

2016-09-04T10:43:00.000-05:00

When I get contacted by Drive Shop to review a car, I get very, very excited. The car I drive is on its last leg, I mean wheel, and it is always great to drive a new car for a while. If I always drove a new car, then driving another car would be sort of "meh", but, since mine is old, it's definitely more "yeh". Although "yeh" is not a word, I do hope you'll look past that so that we can move on.

Actually, that's not true. If I had a new car and was asked to drive this electric KIA, I would still be excited. IT IS ELECTRIC. I know my boys were excited to drive a car that we had to plug in to charge. Now, before I go any further, I have to send out a big apology to KIA and to Drive Shop for JUST NOW reviewing this car. I DROVE IT LAST FALL. I'm a terrible person for just now reviewing the dern thing! This is not any reflection at all on the car itself, but more on my busy life. I vow to make more time for blogging and reviewing this year. I vow to better manage my part-time job so that I have more time at home to write things like this post right here. I really, really love writing and I love this blog. More than that, I love that you read it!

I also love Drive Shop. They have been nothing but good to me. This is the 6th car I have driven and reviewed for them. You can check out my other car review posts here.

Let's talk about this car now. I drove a 2015 Kia Soul + EV, so it's still very much a current car. Why don't you look at it for a second?

Second's up. This is the cute little thing parked at my older son's flag football practice. I was driving a Smurf and who doesn't love Smurfs? Every time I drive a new car for Drive Shop (Please call me again, Drive Shop! I'll do better!), I must deal with the "Did you get a new car?" questions umpteenth times in a row. People are always shocked to see me in anything other than the white 2008 Hyundai Veracruz that we used to drive my 8-year-old old home from the hospital as a newborn. That child is nearly 5 feet tall and we are still driving the same car around. I mean, goodness gracious, we can squeeze the life out of a vehicle. As a result, any new car I drive gets a lot of attention. I see that as a win-win for people who want me to review a car. [Insert a gigantic wink, wink here.]

My boys aren't small little things at all and they were able to get their long legs into that car pretty well. Could they put everything they ever owned into the back seat with them? Not really. That's why it's a good thing there was the cute little hatchback you see pictured below.

I think that this car would work really well for families who don't have two boys that both play baseball and flag football. We carry around a lot of equipment- folding chairs, a gigantic rolling baseball bag that fits bats, gloves, catcher's equipment and a tall palm tree inside, a smaller baseball bag and sometimes a pitching machine. With all of that stuff in the car, finding a place for the groceries can be challenging. Fortunately, Kia made a cute little hatchback shelf (can I please call it that?) that can hold some groceries and groceries can also be piled into the back seat and on top of your children. It can all be worked out.

That cord, though. Don't lose that electric cord. I can see my sons accidentally packing it into their baseball bags and then it accidentally getting lost at a park far, far away and the next thing you know, the whole family is running for miles and miles and miles back home like a small collection of Forrest Gumps. That would be a mess.

I didn't mention the folding SEATS up there that I like to carry around, too. FOR THE LOVE. See, it's folding chairs for the flag football game and folding seats for the baseball game bleachers. It's insanity. You can see that they fit nicely into the back, though. Nice and cozy. I have a friend who drives a similar size and style car. She has a son that plays baseball and she works it all out, so I know it can be done.

The electric side of this car was a new experience for sure. I must say that it made me a little nervous. If it ran out of charge, where would I go? You can't just pull into any old place and fill 'er up, you know? You have to plan ahead. Fortunately, there are all sorts of places where you can go charge your car (26,000 240-volt charging outlets available nationwide, per the website), but many of them require special passwords and payments plans and whatnot- all of which I would have if I drove this car regularly. In my case, though, I just needed to plug it in at home overnight. My boys competed over who would plug the car in first. Not sure how long that competition would last the longer I had the car, but I can assure you that they found it absolutely fascinating, as did my extended family. We drove it to family birthday party one night and I realized that I didn't have enough charge to really make it back home. I plugged it in to my parents' outlet in the garage. It was late already. We ended up spending the night, which actually was a great thing. More time with the family, right?

Let's talk about other features of this car. I know a back-up camera is common in new cars these days, but, hey, we don't have one in my 2008 Hyundai Veracruz, so let us enjoy the moment a little.

This car also comes with a steering wheel, which turned out to be a great thing. A steering wheel with a lot of buttons! Hello! You can manage all sorts of things without ever leaving your steering wheel.

This mass of matter is actually half car, half alien. It was sort of cool to put a little extraterrestrial into suburbia. The glowing blue alien lights let you know how charged your car is at that moment. All three glowing is what you are after. The white contraption near the headlight, of course, is the power cord. The shield to the left of it moves away so that you can plug it in. So nifty. According to Kia's website, "all Soul EVs come standard with the quickest available charge port, the DC Fast Charge, which supplies an 80% charge to an empty battery in about 30 minutes".

The MSRP on this car is $31,950. It gets 120 city and 92 highway miles per gallon equivalent. So, you can go pretty far on this thing before having to charge it back up. There are all sorts of technical questions asked and answered on the Kia website, if you are considering purchasing this car. I can tell you that it was a lot of fun to drive and that I think it would be the ideal car for many situations. I am a speech-language pathologist and do a lot of testing and driving between schools and hospitals. I could see this being an ideal work car for me, as an example.

Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment via this Facebook link to let us know what you think! If you drive an electric car, especially this one, it'd be great to hear about your experiences, too!

5 Things That I'll Do, If I See You Do It First

2016-01-10T22:54:00.000-06:00

I have never thought of myself as an outright follower. I have my own ideas! I say when wrong is wrong! The truth is, though, that I am more of a follower than I thought. The other day I started listing the things that I'll do if I see you do it. I'm okay with being a follower, though, if you are a follower like me. If you are a follower, then it's okay if I'm a follower, too. That's sort of how followers-who-don't-think-they're-followers cope with things, apparently. We're all upset until we realize we aren't the only ones who live this follower life.

So, here are the things that I'll totally do, if I see you do it.

#1 Get One More: This mostly applies to chips at a Mexican restaurant, but can also be seen with just about any appetizer at any restaurant that I've frequented. The chips overtake me, especially when there is queso involved. I'll be quite alright with my decision to quit stuffing my face ("No, no...hee, hee...I've had QUITE enoughdidyoujusttakeanotherchip?" *stuffs three more in her mouth*), unless I see you go for one more. I can actually do enough damage to the chip basket by myself, even if you never had one. I think there is something deep inside me that thinks if I don't finish off the chip shards at the bottom of the chip basket, I'll be doomed to eat nothing else forever. In general, though, if you get one more of something, I might get one more of something. Like a glass of wine. Hooooo, boy. Let's not even go there.

#2 Take Notes:The other day, I was in a class-like atmosphere. I realized when I started taking notes, girlfriend next to me started taking notes. You know she didn't think that was an important thing that was just said until I started moving my pen across the paper! I'm the same way, though. "Ohhhhhh, no, you aren't. You aren't the only one who just thought that was an important piece of information. Look at me! I'M WRITING, TOO! I'M TAKING NOTES, TOO!" I actually love taking notes. If I could go back to college or high school and just take notes, I so would.

(My husband is the exact opposite. If he doesn't want to take notes, THE BOY WON'T. I can be feverishly writing things down that we may have heard together during a sermon or a class of some sort and can be outright breaking a sweat over it and I'll look to my right to see no notes being taken whatsoever. I'll joke with him and ask him if he wants to borrow my pen to take notes. He knows I know that he wants no part of my pen. I sometimes just take notes because I want the teacher or leader to know that I'm listening and thinking that he or she is saying something important. My notes may just be "one two buckle my shoe", but I'm writing something down! I'm such a people pleaser. I need to get a grip. My husband is such a leader. He does what he wants to do and that's it. It's served him well in life to date, but, still, TAKE SOME NOTES, SON!)

#3 Move The Mouth: This one is embarrassing. Although I have done this while someone is talking- my mouth moves when their mouth moves- it's really noticeable when I'm feeding food to a baby. As I approach their mouth with a spoon and his or her mouth opens, my dingdang mouth opens up, too. FOR THE LOVE. I'm not eating the food! Why am I opening my dingdang mouth? I consciously try to keep my mouth in check when I'm feeding a baby in front of someone else, because, hello, weird. I don't feed food to babies too often anymore, but still. I'm a real Mouth Mover sometimes and I've got to quit that. (Sidenote: My 14-month-old nephew moves his little mouth as he concentrates on his shape sorter. It's the sweetest thing. It must run in the family.)

#4 Drive That Way: Nothing more shameful than when you find yourself trying to get around an accident or construction or something and you find a stream of cars going in a certain direction, so you follow them...down a dead end road. All of you have to goooooo to the end, back up, tuuuurrrrrn around... You feel like waving down everyone you see going that direction to tell them to stop looking like an idiot ("BEEN THERE!"), but you have no clue if they live on that street or need to go that way or what. All you can think about is how stupid they look, but then you stop yourself because you were just there. "Look at all of those followers. The poor souls." You feel all high and mighty but that is only because not even 2 minutes before you were the one yelling out "OH, FOR GOODNESS SAKE, IT'S A DEAD END" as you slowly made your way out of the blasted cul-de-sac. I'm really bad about driving that way if you drive way in parking lots. If I'm not sure how to get out of a big parking lot, I'll follow you for so long, you'll be tempted to jump out with a can of mace.

#5 Sneeze: Did that girl just sneeze? Oh, no, ma'am, she's not the only one sneezing today. Look at this...look at this...watch this...I'm about to sneeze, too. Hold on...hold on a dang minute... It's coming! Iiiiiiit's coming. I LOST IT. I lost the sneeze. This is terrible. The letdown is too much. I was hoping to sneeze because she sneezed. I felt the urge. I was about to sneeze and then...nothing. Gone. Yeah, if you sneeze, I'll usually sneeze, but, if I lose the sneeze, well, it takes a while to get over. If you see this happen to me, give me some space.

There's my five.

I need to work on my leadership skills and I know it.

Are you a follower like me? Do you have other things to add to this list? I do love hearing from you. Chime in, if you are feeling it, either by responding on my Facebook page via this link below or in the comment section below using your Facebook profile. If you aren't on Facebook (those people still exist!), hey, I'm always up for e-mail. :) kelleysbreakroom@gmail.com

Here's 5 things that, if you do, I'll totally do, too. I'm such a follower. (Don't you have ANYTHING to add to my list??)http://www.kelleysbreakroomblog.com/2016/01/5-things-that-if-you-do-ill-totally-do.html
Posted by Kelley's Breakroom on Sunday, January 10, 2016

My Dog's Favorite, Free and Very Strange "Toy"

2016-01-03T23:05:00.003-06:00

Oh, I am just pathetic. The last blog post I wrote was the fast food guide (when ordering for a lot of people) and I wrote that in August 2015. I wrote another post since then, but it was about a wood watch that was sent to me, so that doesn't really count. I think I'm ready for this blogging thing again, but only different. I took off all of the ads. I took off a lot of the extras in the side bar. I don't do this for money. It's just hard to find time to do it. My life is probably a lot like yours, which means there is not a wholelotta (is too a word) time for fizzle fartin' around writing a blog post.

But, this is 2016.

It's a new year.

I only mention this because I want this new year to be different. I want to make more time for creativity. I have sort of lost myself in work and in the carting of children to school, to practices and to other activities. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else than present for my kids, of course, but I feel like I need to make more time for nonsense.

I need nonsense back into my life. I need the silliness. I need the lightheartedness.

I don't want to get into why my 2015 didn't contain a lot of the above because my year paled drastically in comparison to the year that others had in terms of profound sadness and despair. My eyes immediately sting with hot tears when I think of that. It always will. Forever.

I'm so very grateful for my faith in God. I know that many don't believe. I am not here to force you to believe anything that you don't want. I just know that my year would have swallowed me whole had it not been for Him catching me and helping me to see life from a different perspective.

So, I think I'll get back to this blogging thing, even if it is only once or twice a month. I want to get back to it the way that I started it. When I started writing it, I wrote it for fun. I wrote it for the handful of people that I knew read it from time to time. I didn't write it to catch Google's eye. Google can be quite the finicky friend. Google is half finicky friend and half Janet Jackson.

"What have you done for me lately? [Buh-dunna-dun-dun] OooooOOOOoooo, yeah!"

Such high expectations, that Google.

(But, seriously, if you are reading, Google, know that I would L-O-V-E to be on the creative team that decides how G-O-O-G-L-E will be dressed each day. So fun! Seriously, call me.)

This is the point where I should close this blog post off, but, you know, you came all the way over here to read this and all you've read was blah-blah-sentimental-blah-blah-seriousness. That is no good at all. So, can I tell you real quick-like about my dog? I'm going to take that blank stare as a big YES.

My dog turned a year old on December 6th. During her first year of life, we became pretty good friends. She is really tight with my two boys, though. They all have each other's backs. As much as we love and watch out for her, though, there is one thing she loves above all else.

It's not us.

It's not any toys that she has been given.

Nope, not food.

Not the lamp cord she severed in half.

Not water.

It's not even the paper towels she tries to eat when she happens to snag one.

Or other dogs that she meets at the park.

She does love her pink ball, but it's not even that. (The video of her playing fetch all by herself with it is right here. Super cute video, I must say.)

Nope, nope and nope.

Let me just say, when she first started playing with this in the yard, I had no clue what it was... I thought she was chasing around a mole that was underground. I changed my mind and later thought maybe there was a little mouse she was chasing around the yard, only the mouse was ALWAYS there and that was super gross. That wasn't likely. The next thing I thought about was that it could be water underground that she was hearing from the sprinkler system, or maybe even the pipes, and she was chasing the sound around the yard, only why would she be doing that when the sprinkler system wasn't on? Or water wasn't running in our house?

I was surprised when I found that her very most favorite thing in all of the world was this...

Yep. A rock.

She is absolutely, 100% MADLY IN LOVE with this rock. Only, it's just not this rock, but all the rocks like it. There are plenty to choose from in our backyard.

And also...

And that's just one side of the yard.

She would pack up her suitcase and leave us all for these rocks, if they ever decided to skip town.

When we get home from school in the afternoon, I will literally go outside, lounge back in a chair, take a 30 minute nap and let her play with her rock. If I gave her an hour, she'd play with it for an hour. She'd play with it for even longer. Sometimes she'll take a quick break to go to the bathroom, but, boy, does she keep that bathroom break to a minimum. She must get back to her rock tossing.

This is her in action with it.

She's almost scary with all of that mud around her face. She looks like she's from The Walking Dead. The Walking Dog. That'd be her show.

She sometimes tries to sneak one inside the house in her mouth, but we have to put our foot down somewhere. I won't enable her rock addiction to that degree. It is very much an addiction. She makes a frantic, delirious, joyful noise when she and the rock first come into contact in the afternoons. It's sort of the way I sound when I get some Chick-Fil-A nuggets and that most delicious Chick-Fil-A sauce. If you try to come between her and that rock, be ready to say goodbye to a few of your fingers. Again, sort of like me with those nuggets. Or a hot Shipley's glazed donut. DON'T EVEN.

So, that's it. That is her favorite toy and her very favorite thing in all the world.

Petco, call me. Maybe we can work something out.

(Pssst... Thanks for reading. I've missed you.)

The 5 Reasons I Love My Wood Watch (and a GIVEAWAY of 3 awesome JORD wood watch coupons!)

2015-08-28T16:54:00.002-05:00

This post is identical to the one I put up less than a week ago, EXCEPT it now has the giveaway included. Please go to the Rafflecopter at the bottom for a chance to win one of 3 coupons.

That sounds so bossy, right? You can wear whatever watch you want. I just think you'll like this watch for several reasons. I'll tell you right from the outset, I was sent this wood watch to try out. JORD made it. We have been communicating about this watch for months now. Because I have lately been a ridiculous "blogger", I am just now getting around to getting my act together. I put blogger in quotes because I have only blogged 11 times since January 2015. I'm trying to get back around to being a once-a-week blogger AT LEAST, because I really do like writing here.

JORD was nice enough to give me several watch styles to choose from, despite my sorry blogging habits. Once I picked one, I then had to size my wrist with a measuring tape that you can print from their site. It wasn't long after that when I received my watch in the mail. I must not have sized my wrist right, though, because the watch didn't fit quite right. I will admit, however, that I didn't open the watch all the way. I had never seen a watch that clasped the way this one did. When the watch repair guy put in one more link, he showed me how it opened in two directions. I think he thought he was going to be all clever when he opened it up from both ways to show me that it did, actually, fit my wrist. It didn't, though, so I was happy that I went through the trouble to find the watch place.

Because, if I hadn't, I would've looked really air heady.

Speaking of places to get a watch sized, just find a "watch repair shop" before you go all over every place like I did. To be more specific, I went into Kohl's. They sell watches! You'd think they could put in an extra link into mine, even if I didn't buy it from there. BUT NOPE. They could at least sell me a watch fixer-upper tool. BUT NOPE. I'll tell you where you can put your Kohl's cash, Mrs. Kohl's Watch Area Employee.

Oh, she was nice about her unhelpful ways. Now, I feel bad...

This watch, though, this watch.

Okay, I will be honest with you. I wasn't sure I'd LOVE the wood watch. I thought that it was going to be cute enough, but maybe not my favorite watch. I have a lot of watches. I'm sort of an avid watch collector. Once a watch's battery breaks, I need a new watch. That's ridiculous, I know. I just hardly ever, ever change a battery in a watch. I think I'll change the battery in this wood watch when the time comes. For one thing, I've found a watch repair place, remember?

So, why should you wear it?

#1 It gets noticed. I'm sure you don't care about that sort of thing. I don't wake up wondering if people will comment about my watch, either. It's just that...they do. With this wood watch, they do. I hardly ever get comments about my watch so frequently and so often as I do when I am wearing this watch. People are fascinated by it and have called it "stylish", "modern", "cute" and lots of other great adjectives. This is the watch that I picked out below from the Fieldcrest series. It is more plain than the other choices I had, but I liked that about it. It seems to blend in with everything. It is simple and feels dressy when I'm dressed up and casual when I'm casual. It is a Maple watch but does not go well on pancakes.

The watch taken from the site:

The same watch taken on my iPhone:

#2 It is different. You don't already have a wood watch, right? It's kind of fun to wear something that is a little out of the ordinary. Several times people have said something like, "At first, I thought it was wood". I usually give them about 10 seconds of silence before I belt out, "THAT'S BECAUSE IT IS WOOD! HAHAHA!!" The earlier it is, the louder I yell. This lovely, pretty, awesome one below (for $199) is wood and rose gold, so 'fess up on that one if you wear it and get asked. No one likes a liar.

#3 It is lightweight. I know most watches out there aren't pinning people down to the ground by their excessive weight. I realize people aren't bulking up because of their watches. "Is he on steroids or is his watch just, like, really heavy?" This watch is light, though, which makes me type faster. Pretty sure.

#4 It is reasonably priced. The watch I am wearing is $120. They do have even more expensive ones, of course. I really, really, really love this ebony and copper watch for $295. The rose gold one up there is $199. I still think that is reasonable for something so unique.

#5 It is made my artists and also, the whole sustainable thing. Artists! Fancy! "JORD was derived from a desire for timepieces that model our modern lifestyle. Sustainable, efficient, simple, and influenced by experiential living. JORD owners don't just have somewhere to be, they have somewhere to go." Ooooo. I like that. Now read this one: "JORD is run by artists, designers, marketers, and minders. We spend our days creating, considering, arguing, and hopefully agreeing. Then we'll scrap it all for the joy of starting new. We have fun. This is our journey." I like it!

You want one now?

Even if you don't want one, are you thinking you'd like to give one? I am. The next person that wants a watch is getting one of these. Take note, family.

If you want to check out their many, many styles, go this way.

I am so excited to be partnering with JORD to give away three coupons for $25, $50 and $75 off an awesome watch. My watch was $120, so any of those coupons would bring it to under $100. I think that's a great deal! For your chance, enter using the Rafflecopter below.

Thanks for stopping by!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

The 5 Reasons You Should Wear a JORD Wood Watch (Giveaway coming soon!)

2015-08-25T00:05:00.003-05:00

The watch taken from the site:

The same watch taken on my iPhone:

#5 It is made my artists and also, the whole sustainable thing. Artists! Fancy! "JORD was derived from a desire for timepieces that model our modern lifestyle. Sustainable, efficient, simple, and influenced by experiential living. JORD owners don't just have somewhere to be, they have somewhere to go." Ooooo. I like that. Now read this one: "JORD is run by artists, designers, marketers, and minders. We spend our days creating, considering, arguing, and hopefully agreeing. Then we'll scrap it all for the joy of starting new. We have fun. This is our journey." I like it!

You want one now?

Even if you don't want one, are you thinking you'd like to give one? I am. The next person that wants a watch is getting one of these. Take note, family.

I hope you will stay tuned because I am going to be partnering with JORD later this week to give away significant discounts to these watches. The fun part about that is that there will be more than one winner. Three to be exact. JORD is giving away a $75, $50 and $25 coupon. I am liking that a lot. That means, if you wanted my watch, you'd only have to pay $45 if you won the $75 amount. I think that's a deal.

If you want to check out their many, many styles, go this way.

Please either comment in the Facebook comments below or go to the Facebook post below to let me know what you think. Commenters on this post will be the first alerted regarding the giveaway, which will happen very soon! Let me know what you think!

So, soon- maybe later today, maybe tomorrow- I am giving away $25, $50 and $75 towards a JORD wood watch. Commenters on...
Posted by Kelley's Breakroom on Tuesday, August 25, 2015

The Fast Food Ordering-For-A-Lot-Of-People-At-The-Drive-Thru-Window Guide

2015-08-16T16:33:00.002-05:00

It seems the posts I write about my husband are the most popular around here. I once wrote about how I entertain myself at The Home Depot when he won't leave. I also pondered about whether or not he had another love once. That post still gets a lot of hits, too. He provides me with plenty of material.

The other day, he made me mad about something. We don't really fight fight, but we do get mad at each other sometimes. (My mom used to repeat a word to indicate how heavy duty it was going to be performed. "Grocery grocery shopping" meant we were going to be at the store for at least a solid two years and "clean clean the house" meant I couldn't get away with throwing everything under my bed.) So, while we don't throw iron skillets through kitchen windows, we do get highly irritated at times. So, anyway, he made me mad about something. I can't remember what. I do remember that I told him that he had a bad attitude. I told him that I was glad he wasn't my boss at work. Something along those lines. My face was all cloudy. That is when he said all smug-like, "Well, if you worked for me, I'd fire you."

The way he said it made me look down and immediately start laughing hard, but in a way where I was trying to hide it. My shoulders were shaking. My mouth was trying hard at stifling the laughter.

"Is that laughter? Huh? You're laughing because I'm so funny, aren't you?"

"No, I'm remembering a funny joke I heard earlier today."

An obvious lie.

That is the only way we get out of serious conversations and arguments. This usually works, but not so much at the fast food restaurant. WOW. Wow, wow, and wow. My husband can't handle ordering at the fast food restaurant for all of us. He just can't handle it. So, I've decided to write him out an ordering guide. I wrote it in a blog post in case you needed to pass it on to someone in your life. Go ahead and change up the parts that don't apply to you.

The Fast Food Ordering-For-A-Lot-Of-People-At-The-Drive-Thru-Window Guide

*Let's just get this out of the way now. There is no need to say, "This isn't [insert fancy restaurant name]!" We know that. We can read. There was something about the golden arches that told me we weren't at [insert fancy restaurant name again]. I still want extra lettuce in my chicken wrap. Now, tell the nice lady.

*If I order a chicken wrap, can you make sure to ask for a fork? They won't just give you a fork when you order a chicken wrap because you eat wraps with your hands, except I like to eat mine like a salad. Yes, I do. Yes, I do. I do eat mine like a salad. Yes, I do. You just haven't seen me do it. I open it up and eat it like a dingdang salad.

*Try getting the orders before you cruise up to the ordering area. Write it down. Take deep breaths.

If you don't write it down beforehand, you are limited to only 3 eye rolls and 2 deep sighs and only 1 combo of the two.

*If we are paying the money, I want it how I want it. Can you ask them to make the tea half sweet and half unsweet?

*Always remember that if they can't make it half sweet, half unsweet, you can get 2 Splenda packets. (If you feel like the person at the drive thru window isn't too judgy, ask for 3. I don't ask for 3 usually because I don't like imagining fast food people talking about the girl who has an addiction to Splenda behind my back.) It's best to have them placed into the drink before they hand it to you. If they don't do that sort of thing, make sure to get the Splenda packets. Also, most tea lovers want lemons in the tea. Make sure to ask if they have real lemons. If they don't have real lemons, most people don't want any lemons. Packets of lemon juice are the worst. Why aren't you writing this down?

*You say you love your family, but if you don't know the names of the sauces that we like at Chick-Fil-A, how can you even say that? Chick-Fil-A sauce and Polynesian. Two of the first and one of the second. Make flashcards.

*Don't super size the whole order, just the drinks. If they ask if you want to super size the fries, say no. If you say yes because you are just wanting to get this thing over with, I might have to call over your shoulder to just super size the drinks and that'll make you grumpy.

*I realize we've been at this window for a good thirty minutes now, but did you ask for just ketchup on the boys' hamburgers? They don't want mustard and they don't want mayonnaise. You can't just say "ketchup only" because they'll leave off the lettuce and the tomato and they'll eat that. Oh, also make sure to ask for no onions. One of the hamburgers should come with pickles.

*Oh, back to the tea. I LOVE flavored tea but I'm going to need you to ask the nice teenager if the flavored tea is a brewed tea or flavored by using a syrup. I can't take the syrup in my tea. Please, just ask! We're paying for this tea! But, let's not talk about tea for too long because then I'll be reminded too much of the time I was hijacked at the mall by the uppity tea people.

*I know the line behind us is stretching underneath the Interstate and into the next town now, but be sure to ask for extra napkins. See if they have those hand sanitizer wipes that Chick-Fil-A supplies. Just ask. It doesn't hurt to ask. Please, just ask! You didn't ask!

BIGGEST TAKE-HOME: Write it down and kwitchercryin.

I really can't imagine why my husband thinks ordering at the drive-thru window is such an ordeal. It all seems pretty simple and straightforward to me! Still, because I am so considerate, I thought it was best to come up with this guide for him.

And, no, I don't want to order because that means I would have to be driving and how can I read my Us magazine and drive at the same time?

If you have anything that needs to be added to this guide, you know I want to hear!

The 2015 Mazda CX-9 Grand Touring: Why You Need It

2015-05-18T13:16:00.000-05:00

First, some sappiness.

When I opened up my blog to write this overdue post, I had to dust off a few things. That made me sad. "Hi, wittle bwoggy. It's been too wong," I cooed at it as I walked around and stared at things like post number, page views, ads, etc. I really did love this blog for so long and took such great care of it. My life has been overcome with other things that don't allow much extra time for tinkering with the keyboard. I miss it, though. I miss it, miss it, miss it.

So, I have a lot to thank Mazda and STI for... Not only for the opportunity to drive yet another awesome car around for a week, but for also getting me into my blog space and finally typing something out, for goodness sakes.

Mazda, you're awesome. STI, you're awesome, too. Readers, you're even more awesome.

So, after I tell you a little something something about the 2015 Mazda CX-9 Grand Touring, know that I plan to come back not too long after to tell you about something much less important. I'm sure that has you on the edge of your seats. Seriously, I have stories to tell! Stories that are much more fun to tell in a blog format. I'm going to type out some keywords- movies, air freshener and car washes. That should get my memory going the next time I'm fiddling around this Break Room.

Right now, though? It's all about 2015 Mazda CX-9 Grand Touring. I had the privilege of driving this car around, but it's been some weeks ago. Shame on me! The delay in writing about it is not because I'm not absolutely grateful for the opportunity. I am! I so am! In fact, one of the STI employees remarked that I am one of the most grateful people he has worked with. Ha! Surely that doesn't have anything to do with the fact that my car is a 2007, has a broken door and an air conditioner that doesn't work in the front row and then the fact that they drive up with a gorgeous car for me to have for a week? I am so, so grateful.

I mention that it's been some weeks ago because in that span of time, I have apparently deleted all of the pictures that I took of the SUV. I had some great shots, too! So, I have to rely on the pictures I found on-line. Boo.

Here's what the pretty thang looks like:

Nice and sleek, right? I like that Mazda sign. It reminds me of a bird's wings. It'd be nice if they'd make that car with some wings. I've got places to be and, in most cases, I was supposed to be there five minutes ago, dingdangit.

The front seat area is looking pretty snazzy, too, don't you think? One of my husband's favorite features of the car, with the exception of it's full tank of gas when STI dropped it off, is that split console area. Does the passenger need something out of it? No need to lift your elbow. She can lift up her side. Do you need to stick something that's all awkward somewhere? Slide it in that space and still be able to put your elbow down. You must have a place for the elbow. Actually, now that I think about it...do we put our elbows down when we drive? Well, no matter what...it's a nice feature. You'll love it if you get it. Have I ever lied to you?

Here's a close up look at the radio. It's all NASA-like with all the buttons and high-tech features. I loved all the options for music. I also loved that I could plug my iPod into the port inside that cool console up there. You know, the one that really accommodates the elbows well?

My favorite part: ALL OF THOSE SEATS. And all of that leg room. I have a tall husband and two tall boys. They need the leg space. They had plenty of it in that car. When those two seats folded down in the very back, there was lots of room for baseball stuff, chairs, baseball stuff, seat cushions and baseball stuff. And legs. In fact, there is more leg room in that car than in the Honda Pilot, Toyota Highlander and the Acura MDX. So, if your family has legs, listen up!

This is the car for me.

Or, should we say SUV?

(My dad calls his SUV his "truck". It's not a truck, man! Just like this isn't a car, I suppose... So weird to say, "Hey, kids, get in the SUV. We've go to go!" Who says that? Do you say that?)

Overall, I really did love this car. I might love it the most of all the cars I've been asked to drive so far. The base price for it was $35,035. It sped up and slowed down really well (how's that for technical language?), had plenty of space for mah kids, had lots of neat "extras" up in the front (elbows?), had a cool sunroof (I looooove a sunroof), was NASA-like and made my friends get all "Ooooo...what are your driving?" on me.

You need to get yourself one.

(Thanks, Mazda and STI for allowing me to drive this beauty around!)

The 12-Step Guide To Get Your Kids To Fight Over Who Gets To Do TheLaundry

2015-03-10T15:46:00.001-05:00

Follow this step-by-step guide and watch the magic unfold.

1. Only clean out the lint from the lint tray thing in your dryer at home.

2. Let lint build up everywhere else in the dryer and in the vent hose.

3. Turn on your dryer.

4. Start cooking in your kitchen.

5. When someone says, "Ew! What's that smell? What did you burn??", look in your oven and see your food smiling back at you.

6. Reply back, "It's not the oven....

Wait! Is it the dryer??"

7. Run into the laundry room and find it full of smoke. Unplug the dryer. Cough. Hack. Frown.

8. Over the course of the next few hours, watch your husband (or you or whoever you can get to gut the dryer) find all sorts of things that got mixed in with the lint, including an earring you've been missing and lots of dollar bills.

9. GO TO THE WASHATERIA THE NEXT DAY WITH YOUR KIDS.

10. Watch their eyes light up at all of the buttons, doors, baskets, change makers and vending machines.

11. Wait for the arguing to begin. It may sound a little like this:

"You got to put the detergent in last."

"It's my turn to put the quarters in."

"I wanted to latch the door!!"

"He got more leftover quarters than me."

"You got to unload the clothes into the basket the last time."

"I wanted to push the quarter tray in!"

"I'm going to fold the stuff in this basket. You fold the stuff in that basket."

"I wanted to push the restart button!"

12. Watch the fighting immediately stop when you get home and have to put all the laundry up. They are nowhere to be found.

I seriously never thought I'd see the day when they fought over laundry. I might have to make the washateria a regular part of our lives- at least every now and then. I'd rather it not be because of almost burning my house down, though.

Check that lint...

Before the fire trucks are sent.

I just made that up. But, for real...

Hint, hint...

Bad stuff, that out-of-control lint.

I just made that up, too. And also this:

Wonder where your house went?

Don't blame me. Blame the lint.

Okay, I'll stop.

The Teacher Time Machine: My Day In The Life Of A 1920s Teacher

2015-02-24T00:41:00.001-06:00

When I grow up, I want to be a tour guide. My mouth waters sometimes just thinking of retirement. They say I can start now but let's get real. I spend half of my life on bleachers watching my sons play baseball. There will be a day when I will have plenty of time to do that sort of thing, though. I'm in no rush. When that day comes, so will loads more of gray hair and, I tell you what, hair dye and moisturizing rituals exhaust me.

But, seriously, my mouth waters thinking of just tour guidin' it all the livelong day. I pretended to be a tour guide all the time when I was growing up. I put my cocker spaniel on a float and would give her a tour of "Shark Encounters" at "Sea World", only"Sea World" was in the shape of my 1980s above ground pool and my cocker spaniel wasn't a great listener. I probably had to point out the hammerhead shark at least half a dozen times. The chance to actually be a real tour guide for a day is why I didn't turn down the chance to be a docent on my 4th grade son's recent field trip. There were 4 or 5 of us who put on a long, flowery skirt, a bonnet and an apron and spent the morning pretending to be on an old German farm. Just about every school and street name around where I live is a German name. It's fun for the kids to learn more about the area where they live.

Some of the moms who volunteered pretended to be the mothers of the different houses or a mother on a farm. I was a teacher. A mean, grouchy, stern teacher.

Here's my school:

I tricked you into thinking this was an old photo with my Photoshop skills, didn't I? I can edit the heck out of a picture, I tell you. This school was originally built in the 1920s.

This photo hung on the wall in the school room. It looks like a fun day in the school yard until you realize sister is falling face first on the far left. She is about to eat an ant hill and hat boy is still frolicking in the weeds without a care in the world. It's a game of Ring-Around-The-Rosies gone wrong. (Mister beside the sister is about to get a mouthful of dandelions.)

So, the first thing I did as I saw the groups of kids come my way was ring mah bell. This is what every good teacher did back in those days. Rang, rang, rang the bell. I had about 8 different groups of 8-12 kids, so I got to ring the bell a lot. I loved seeing the faces in each group and learning their names. These were all of my 10-year-old's peers. After I did plenty of bell shaking, I took this long stick, put on a mean face and beat the heck out of stuff with it.

"You smilin' son? There's no time for smilin' at school!" *BEATS THE HECK OUT OF A RAIL*

"Are you laughing at me, missy?" *TOP OF THE DESK GETS IT REAL GOOD*

Teachers back then had first to eighth graders all in one room. The small children were at the front and the bigger kids were at the back. All of those kids and their antics could drive a woman to hitting stuff with sticks. Not people. Just stuff. In really small towns, it probably still looks that way in a classroom with all of the different ages, and in other countries, too. They had to keep control of the classroom. They had a lot to teach and a lot of kids to manage! It wasn't always railings and desks that got a lashing with that stick long ago, though. If a girl and a boy got caught playing together- LASHING. And if a kid got caught playing cards??? TEN LASHINGS! There were other reasons kids got a beating, but I can't remember it all right now. I just know it was in a student's best interest to just stare at the teacher and write stuff when she said to write it.

Kids were not to speak unless spoken to, rules were to be given only one time and proper posture had to be maintained at all times. Apparently, a favorite saying of teachers back then was, "If you're not looking, you're not listening and, if you're not listening, you're not learning." I think that sounds about right.

This was the classroom, of course. In the middle of the room was a black stove that was used to heat the room. I'm sure it wasn't that impressive to Walter in the back left corner with icicles hanging from his nose, but Nelly and Stan right in the center were warm and toasty.

Teachers walked up and down the aisles like they do today, except they didn't have to be on the lookout for students cheating on iPhones. What would the teachers from the early 1900s think of iPhones? They'd probably beat that thing with a stick while screaming in horror.

I think my favorite part of this room was seeing my son in it. He had a big smile on his face. He wanted me to volunteer on this field trip. As much as I thought I might have embarrassed him by being all dressed up like a Little House on the Prairie lady, I think he loved it. He sat on the far right side of this picture about three desks back. I don't think I saw him quit smiling from the moment he walked into the room until the moment he left. I love that kid tons.

But, let's get back to the teaching...

By the time teachers began to teach, they were probably worn out. They had already been up for a long time as they had to do physical labor to prepare for the day. There was a lot of lantern preparing, candle wick trimming, water bucket carrying, coal shoveling... Whew. I'm worn out typing it all out. They were probably good and cranky by 8 a.m., so they had no time for misbehavin' kids. I think I can really identify with those teachers, actually.

Just like today, teachers had to teach a lot, except they didn't have modern things like computers and nice and neat pens. Kids actually had to learn how to write well with slate pencils before they could graduate to the ink wells. When they were proficient with the slate pencils, they got to move up to the inkwells. Beautiful penmanship was the mark of a well-educated person. I think that mark has moved from inkwells to text messages. If you can write a text message that doesn't look like a monkey stood on top of your keypad while doing the Cupid Shuffle, you are already looking pretty smart to me.

Who knew tuna fish cans and bean bags could provide never-ending fun?

I really, really enjoyed pretending to be a stern teacher from the early 1900s. It was a big job, just like it is today. I think kids and people really don't change too, too much from generation to generation. All kids like to play. All kids love recess and all adults need to work on some level- outside and/or inside the home. The kids may not have had video games back then, but they still played with balls and threw things around. That's all my kids do. All day, err day.

I'd show you a picture of me in my bonnet in front of the classroom, but it sort of looks like I'm trying to be sultry in the picture. I was going for stern but ended up looking like I was trying out for a Old School Marm Halloween costume and that's just embarrassing. So, take my word for it. I got up there, hit desks with a stick, rang bells, had the kids engage in choral reading of old poems, had them do some math on a chalkboard, gave my son a hard time in front of his friends in the most loving way and gained a great appreciation for the men and women who educated children all across the country in the early days and who are still doing it today.

The Most Affordable Car: The 2015 Mitsubishi Mirage

2015-02-08T23:56:00.000-06:00

Who doesn't want an affordable car? "Hey, Car Dealer Man. I would like for you to sell me a car and totally clear out my bank account while you're at it. I would like a car that is totally out of my league that I will have repossessed in the near future." Who says that, right?

Your old neighbor, Carl?

Well, let's forget Carl. Let's talk about the 2015 Mitsubishi Mirage.

So, this is the cute thing. I got it in silver, as you can see. I thought the silver in this subcompact car (which, ahem, gets 44 miles per gallon on the highway) looked really sleek and cute. I think the car itself is cute. Right off the bat, I feel like this car is great for a person who wants to save on gas mileage, doesn't lug half the world and some kids around on a daily basis and is looking for an affordable car. It's not that the car doesn't have space in it, but it's not a big car by any means. We carry around two baseball bags, stadium chairs, backpacks and buckets of baseballs around every single day. There really isn't room for all of that in the car.

Don't get me wrong, though. There is room in this car. I packed all of my groceries into the back of it just fine. It's just that if I wanted to pack all of my groceries into the back, I wouldn't be able to also have the buckets of baseballs, bags, backpacks and stadium chairs ALSO in the back of the car. The groceries, though, the groceries were fine. The groceries seemed quite happy, actually. Another nice thing about the back of this car is that when the hatch is closed, a black cover automatically comes down over the "trunk" area of the car. This basically means that if you have several jars of Nutella from the local grocery store, no one will be tempted to break in to get them because they can't even see the dern things.

Sidenote: Don't you love how California makes their license plates? 202. There were letters, too, but what you could see easiest was 202. So nice and simple. I wish I could have kept that license plate.

Here's a side view. Isn't she precious? Isn't she lovely? Isn't she wonderful? She was named the "Most Affordable Car" by car.com. It has a 10-year and a 100,000 mile warranty. It has 5 seats and 7 airbags, so it's getting nice and puffy in there if it is ever in an accident. There are also airbags near your knees! This is meant to stabilize your lower body if you are ever in an accident. Those are some lucky knees. I've never heard of an airbag for your knees. The car is roughly $13,805. Pretty good deal, right? Especially if it has knee airbags?

My kids would not be that impressed with the airbags. What they loved was this feature. You can choose how much tilt you want in your screen. Some days I just couldn't bring myself to back out of the driveway due to my indecisiveness with the tilt. It was very futuristic.

Now, I must admit to you that one day I really couldn't bring myself to back out of the driveway because I couldn't figure out where to put in my kids' Kidz Bop 27 CD. For a solid week, they were straight up in love with that CD. They still want to listen to it, but I had to put the brakes on that. That'll be enough, Kid-Singing-Like-Iggy-Azalea. Seriously, though, I couldn't figure out where to put in the dern CD. I thought, "Does this car really come without a CD player? For real?" I was wrong, which has happened only once or twice before. The CD magic happens behind that screen that tilts! Which would be above and to the right of the knee airbags! I was so happy when I finally figured that out.

The car drove well, could zip in and out fast and kept my kids nice and safe in the back. My dad took a ride in it and commented about how much head room and leg room there was on the passenger's side. My dad is 6'3", so, if he says it, it's the truth. My husband liked how we seemed to have more choices for parking spaces. Our normal vehicle is an SUV. And my boys, as you might have guessed, loved the CD option. And the back-up camera. I think that was actually their favorite part.

The car drove so well that I had my 6-year-old drive it. I'm kidding! I'M KIDDING! Goodness! Although he does like to pretend to drive, the main reason he is in the car in this picture above is because I left their Kidz Bop 27 in the CD player on accident. It would only be a few hours after this picture was taken that STI, the sponsors of this post along with Mitsubishi, would be returning for the car. We got thisclose to sending the car back with them with Kidz Bop still tucked in all comfortably into that CD player. Could you think of anything worse happening in one's life??

Seriously, though, it's a great car. I am definitely keeping it in mind for our family in the future! How about you? Do you think you would drive a "subcompact" car?

28 NEW Ways To Eat Your Popcorn (That You've Probably Never Thought Of Before)

2015-02-01T22:11:00.000-06:00

Two weeks ago, I thought there was only one way to eat popcorn, which is the way it was popped when I stuck the Pop Secret bag into the microwave. Basically, I thought butter and salt was where it stopped. Plain salt. Not fancy salt. I didn't even know fancy salt existed. I mean, I've heard of kosher salt and sea salt, but truffle salt? Say what? I can tell you that I am so inspired to try every single one of these ways of eating popcorn now. Where have these ideas been all of my life?

These popcorn ideas all come from the awesome people that have liked my Kelley's Break Room Facebook page. When it comes to Facebook pages, I know you comment anywhere. Thanks for choosing to comment on my page from time to time (and especially this time)!

This popcorn post came about due to my current campaign with Pop Secret. I thank them for sponsoring this post. You can head over to their Facebook page for more great popcorn recipes and lots of inspiring fort ideas! If building tents and forts in your house sounds fun, check out my post "The Boys' 11-Step Guide To Building The Perfect Fort". No judging of my messy living room allowed.

If you like these popcorn ideas, click here to check out the Pop Secret Facebook page. IT WOULD BE SUPER AWESOME OF YOU. Lots of great popcorn ideas, cool popcorn art by Popcasso (cute, right?) and fun fort ideas for kids over there! You can also download a $1 off coupon. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!! #PopSecretForts

These just won't taste as good if you don't use Pop Secret popcorn. You know it. I know it. Pop Secret knows it.

#1 The Buttery Bucket (Heidi): Pop plain popcorn and then drizzle an ENTIRE stick of Land O' Lakes Salted Butter over the top.

#2 M&M Madness (Courtney, Amanda): Mix peanut M&M's into your popcorn. You're done.

#3 What's The Dill? (Tami): Sprinkle Brewer's yeast and dill all over the popcorn.

#4 White Cheddar Is Better (Lexie): Pop bags of extra buttery popcorn, add more butter, sprinkle white cheddar seasoning all over it, shake it like a Polaroid picture and then add some MORE white cheddar seasoning. Eat that mess UP.

#5 Trufflicious (Lindsay, Lizzie): Use butter-flavored olive oil to pop the popcorn in and sprinkle with black truffle salt. And eat it all. (Lizzie adds a little bit of parmesan.)

#6 Red Hot Pop (Charlotte): Mix Red Hots in with your popcorn. Mix a bunch if you can handle the heat. Share with the ones you love.

#7 Dip It Like You Mean It (Jeniffer): Dip your popcorn in sour cream. Yes. That's right. Sour cream.

#8 Popped & Pink (Lyndsey): Pop the popcorn on the stove with olive oil or coconut oil, drizzle melted real butter over the top and sprinkle with PINK SALT. Pink salt is Himalayan salt.

#9 Jalapeno Business (Dayna): Add jalapenos to your popcorn. You can either chop them up or eat a slice with each handful.

#10 Coconutty Popcorn (Dayna): Air pop the popcorn (or make it on the stove), add melted coconut oil and sprinkle with sea salt. (I'm going to need an update on this one, Dayna. How can you melt coconut oil?)

#11 Nancy's Fancy Schmancy Salted Popcorn (Chris): I made Nancy up. Nancy rhymed with fancy, which rhymed with schmancy. Let's move on. Chris here air pops the popcorn and sprinkles it with only the fanciest of salts, including pickle salt, malt salt, salt/vinegar or white truffle salt. If he is going to use butter, he only uses REAL butter or, ahem, clarified butter. Chris, as you can see, is one fancy dude. I didn't even know these salts existed before this post.

#12 Candy (Pop) Corn (Charity): Step 1- Get some candy corn. Step 2- Throw that into the popcorn. Step 3- Close your eyes and say "mmm, mmm, mmm".

#13 Chocolatey Popcornny Bliss (Jolene): Pop either regular Pop Secret popcorn or the Caramel flavored popcorn in the microwave first. Then, cut up a candy bar. When the popcorn is done popping, quickly open the bag (DON'T BURN YOUR EYEBROWS OFF, THOUGH!) and drop the candy bar pieces into that hotness. Seal the bag somehow and shake it all up. Eat it, but make sure you have wipes nearby.

#14 Lime Lovin' (Vita): Pop your popcorn in the microwave. Open the bag, put in some fresh lime juice, a shake or two of Tabasco and beer salt, seal the bag again and shake it all up. (There's another type of salt I've never heard of...)

#15 Cajun Corn (Lindsay, Angela, Mary): Heat up buttery popcorn and sprinkle Tony Chachere's all over it. The only way you could geaux wrong is if you geaux and dump the whole entire container of Tony Chachere's over all of your popcorn. If you did that, you would want to geaux and drink lots of water! Angela sprinkles hers with Louisiana Hot Sauce. Mary puts Cajun seasoning on her popcorn AND she squeezes lemon juice all over it. Yum!

#16 You'll Eat Olive It (Amy): Sprinkle extra virgin olive oil (EVOO) all over the popcorn and then sprinkle it with kosher salt. Put a lot of it in your hand, open your mouth really wide and then shove it in there.

#17 Marshmallow Popcorn (Melissa): Melissa got this recipe from Today's Mama. You pop three bags of Pop Secret popcorn and then set it aside. Melt 2 sticks of butter, 16 ounce bag of mini marshmallows and 1 cup of brown sugar in a microwave for 2 1/2 minutes. Stir it and then heat it again for 1 more minute. Pour it over the popcorn and smile.

#18 Parmesan Popcorn (Anjay, Holly): Sprinkle the powdered Parmesan all over the popcorn WHILE IT'S STILL HOT and then feel sorry for the people who are just eating plain popcorn.

#19 Waites A Minute, That's Good Stuff (Tiffany): Tiffany Waites knows lots of ways to make super great popcorn. In her family, they put butter, salt and garlic powder on their freshly popped goodness. Her husband sprinkles his with green Tabasco sauce. Her friend puts coconut oil, honey and cinnamon sugar all over the top. OHMYGOSH, SOMEONE MAKE THIS FOR ME RIGHT NOW.

#20 Old Bay, Baby (Stephanie): Get you some Old Bay seasoning and sprinkle it everywhere. Pretend you are by the sea. This is Stephanie's idea and she knows what she is talking about. She writes Binkies and Briefcases, after all.

#21 Monster Corn (Suzanna, Maria): Sprinkle sugar and cinnamon all over the popcorn. Her kids named it Monster Corn. I'm thinking that must be a pretty nice monster to like something so sweet. Maria makes this, too, but I'm thinking she doesn't call it Monster Corn. She also pops hers in coconut oil.

#22 Pizza Popcorn (Marcey): Sprinkle Italian seasoning all over the popcorn. It helps Marcey curb her cravings for pizza and, who knows, it could help you.

#23 Some Like It Chili (Kari): Dust your popcorn with chili powder. Have lots of water close by.

#24 Popcorn-Dipped Cone (Kimberly): Get someone super nice to make you a vanilla ice cream cone (or just do it yourself). Dip that cone into freshly popped corn. Be prepared for stares as you enjoy your dessert snack.

#25 Sparkly Sprinkly Spopcorn (Danielle): Get some icing sugar from the flour and sugar aisle and sprinkle it all over your popcorn. Get really crazy and pick green for St. Patrick's Day, pink for Easter, red for Valentine's Day, etc.

#26 Popcorn (Sort of) Sushi (Mary): Put some dashes of Wasabi powder all over the popcorn with some butter in there, too, of course. She says it's fantastic and I don't think Mary would lie to us.

#27 This Popcorn Is Soy Good (Tiffany): Dip the popcorn in soy sauce. It may take you a while to eat all of your popcorn this way, but it will be soy worth it.

#28 You'll Be Raisin The Roof After Eating This Popcorn (Tabitha): After you make your yummy, delicious, scrumptious Pop Secret popcorn in the microwave, toss in some chocolate-covered raisins and eat every last bit of the thing. Be careful not to eat the bowl.

Go here for more popcorn "recipe" ideas!

If you have another popcorn "recipe", share it with us over on Facebook!

Post by Kelley's Breakroom.

The Boys' 11-Step Guide To Building The Perfect Fort #PopSecretForts

2015-01-27T12:40:00.002-06:00

You may not have called it a fort or call it a fort now. You certainly don't call it a #PopSecretFort, but you might after this is all done. You may have called it a tent or an encampment along the river. Either way, it's a temporary home that is made of blankets and stuff that keeps the blankets from falling down. And kids love to make them. My sister and I would make a million of them in one weekend. We were really fond of making these when just my dad was watching us. As long as we were quiet and not fighting, he was happy. So, we would make elaborate tent cities. We'd remodel. We'd put on additions. By the time we were done, you were looking at Tent County. I think we loved forts almost as much as Harold here from The Far Side.

This has got to be my favorite cartoon from The Far Side.

When I suggested that my boys could make one with their two friends that were over, they all literally jumped up and down with excitement. Honestly, they don't make tents nearly enough. I think I am afraid of the mess, so I don't suggest it. Boo on me.

Before I present to you their very useful "11-STEP GUIDE TO BUILDING THE PERFECT FORT", let me be sure to claim from the fort-top that this post is sponsored by Pop Secret.

Talk about Pop Secret.

Pop, Pop, Pop, Pop Secret.

Shoobie, doobie, do wop.

Let's microwave this.

Pop, pop, shoo wop.

Here, I'll share it.

Everybody talkin' 'bout...Pop Secret.

You had the tune of Pop Muzick in your head while reading through that, right? If you don't know the tune that was most pop-pop-pop-popular in 1979, you can find it here. Maybe if that song wasn't so old, Pop Secret would make it into a jingle. Pop Secret, call me if you do. I am really good at that "pop pop pop pop" part.

The last time I wrote about popcorn on this blog was when I wrote the post, "Should My Mother-In-Law Go To Jail?" She loooooves movie theater popcorn and will go to great lengths to get it. If you like crime shows, you might want to check that post out a little later. Luckily for her, Pop Secret's MOVIE THEATER BUTTER popcorn is able to be made in seconds, doesn't cost a year's salary and can be obtained without standing in line for half the day.

That is the kind of popcorn I made for the boys as they set out on their fort-making journey. They were going to need sustenance that could be eaten quickly and easily to help get them through the hard labor of finding the right blankets and setting the chairs at the perfect angle.

And, now for that 11-step guide to building the perfect fort (according to boys ages 6, 7, 10 and 11):

#1 Go get all the blankets that you own. All of them. Even your mother's comforter, unless she sees you first and says something like, "Really? I think you have enough blankets already. You're good on the blankets."

#2 Go ask the smallest member of the group if he can please find more blankets. If he squawks, sigh heavily and resign yourself to having to make due with the 126 blankets you managed to round up from every corner of the house.

#3 Take every couch or chair cushion off to reveal crumbs from 1998, a handful of change and a couple of Nerf bullets. Keep the Nerf bullets. These are a necessity for fort-life. And you are going to need those cushions to make walls and doors.

#4 Drag every chair in the house into your fort-making area. Lift the chairs high above your head as you pass them to each other. Make roaring noises to accompany your amazing physical feat.

#5 Try not to hit anyone in the head with the chair. They'll cry and then tell your mom, which will pretty much ruin everything.

#6 Drape blankets from chair to cushion to cushion to chair to ottoman to table to chair. If you want to use a lamp to anchor the blanket, be prepared for it to start slipping and for your mom to contort her face in a really weird way.

#7 Turn out the lights. Oh, hold on. The blanket fell. Turn the lights back on. Fix that blanket. Oops. When you fixed that blanket, it messed up this blanket. Fix both blankets. Well, now you knocked over the cushion wall. Okay, fix that. Steady. Steady. Steady. Turn the lights back out.

#8 Get inside your fort. Your awesome, fun, cool, private fort.

#9 Turn on your flashlight. Well, after you ask mom where the flashlights are and if she has any batteries. (Moms really come in handy sometimes.)

#10 Tell scary stories that aren't really that scary because you are making it all up and can't help but laugh as you point the flashlight upwards under your face.

#11 *EAT A TON OF POP SECRET.

*When the bowl is empty, ask your mom to make more.

**When the Movie Theater flavor runs out, ask her to make the caramel kind.

Pop Secret is your perfect snack companion on trips into the uncharted reaches of your imagination. Pop Secret knows that fun, like popcorn, is better when it’s shared. Right now, you can hop over to their Facebook page by clicking HERE and submit your pillow fort stories and/or pictures. It is REALLY cute to see all of the forts that kids have created! You can upload the pictures right to the Pop Secret timeline and tag them #PopSecretForts. While you are on their Facebook page, you can also download a $1 off coupon, which is a pretty good chunk of money when the popcorn is reasonably priced already. If you share your fort pictures over there on Facebook, they may just share a little something back!

Like always, I love to hear from you. Do you let your kids build forts? After writing this post, I am seriously inspired to let my kids build them more! Don't you agree that popcorn (especially Pop Secret!) is a great snack to put in the middle of their blanket creation or do you prefer to put really saucy spaghetti in the middle and let them eat it with their hands? Let's talk about it over on Facebook!

Post by Kelley's Breakroom.

The Story Behind Why My Husband Hesitates To Give Me Flowers (i still feel bad!)

2015-01-12T07:04:00.001-06:00

We were in college in Austin circa 1996 but we weren't married yet. We had probably only been dating for less than a year. He was smitten but who can blame him, right? I'm kidding. I'm kiddingnotreally. We were about to part ways for the weekend. My then-boyfriend gave me a bouquet of flowers for me to take back home. They were a great size- not too large and not too big. They were beautiful and I appreciated the thought.

Minutes after he gave me the flowers, we loaded up his car with my bags. I situated the flowers in the back seat. He was taking me to the bus station so I could go back to Houston to see my family.

Have you ever been to the bus station? It's a different sort of place. If you are imagining delightful smells and a really cheerful, safe vibe coming from it, knock that down a notch.

You see, back then I drove a Cutlass Oldsmobile. It was my second one to drive. I was one of those lucky few that had two Cutlass Oldsmobiles in her life. *coughs loudly* I drove my grandmother's old one in high school and then I drove my parents' even older one in the latter part of high school and then college. I have written about this delightful time in my life before.

We loved those Oldsmobiles apparently.

(This is why I go a little Kung Fu on my husband when he calls it a Buick.

"Remember when you used to drive that really old Buick in college?"

"IT'S NOT A BUICK AND YOU KNOW IT! HIIIII-YAH!!")

Over this past Thanksgiving break, I did an impersonation of myself driving both of the Cutlassessessessessssseees for all of my family. It involved me yelling at my passengers to hop out fast before the car died. I had to keep it in neutral and bring it to a slow roll at "stops" or it went shudder-shudder-kaput. The other thing it involved was me pretending to drive with a cloth napkin dangling above my head. That, of course, represented my out-of-control headliner that I eventually ripped out while gritting my teeth in an angry Hulk kind of way.

The Oldsmobile was not to be consistently trusted for the 3-hour trip back home. The bus was better.

So, there we were in the Greyhound bus station parking lot saying our goodbyes. We would only be apart for two or three days but that was a long time, you know? I don't think we cried or anything. We weren't that far gone.

I reluctantly made my way into the station and did all the necessary pre-bus ride stuff, including putting on my best "I'm tougher than I look, so don't try anything with me, mister" face.

I got on the bus.

I settled in.

I got a phone call.

"You forgot your flowers," he said to me through my PrimeCo phone.

"Oh, no! I did, didn't I? I am so sorry! I loved them, too!"

He had just given them to me. I'm pretty sure those were the first flowers that he had given me. He probably debated over whether or not to do it, knowing I was about to get on the bus. He decided that it was best and picked out the bouquet he wanted for me to have. Given that these were the first he had given me, he probably went over what he was going to say before he handed them to me. I'm thinking he was pretty proud of what he had picked out, what he had said and the fact that he had given me flowers. It was a marker in our relationship of some sort.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, I left them on the bus.

And I didn't even realize it at all. I never turned around and said, "Oh, no! I forgot my flowers!" or anything of the sort.

Never crossed my mind.

Ever since then, it has been a running joke with us. He has gotten me many bouquets of flowers since then, but he will often add "don't leave them in the back seat" when he gives them to me.

My favorite bouquet of flowers he ever gave me was soon after the most embarrassing Ferris wheel ride I ever took. You can read about that here.

He likes to tell people that I don't actually really like flowers all that much. I do like them, especially growing in a garden. Some of the cut ones hit me with a smell that reminds me of funerals. They just do. I think I love little rose bushes or little plants with flowers best, but sometimes certain occasions just require a bouquet, youknowwhati'msayin? I'm not too picky on the kind of flower that is in them, just as long as it's not more than 15% carnations.

Speaking of flowers, it seems like some girls always have a favorite kind. I'm always jealous of those girls. I know roses, lilies, daisies, Gerber daisies and, you know, those basic kind. Some girls rattle off the fancy, less common flowers and say those are their favorites. I want to be one of those girls when I grow up.

What about you? Do you like flowers? Do you have any flower stories? I'd love to hear from you over on Facebook! I kicked the comments to the curb a long time ago because of the spammers that were trying to take over my life. It sure has been nice not seeing their faces lately!

Post by Kelley's Breakroom.

Pretty Much The Best Cabbage Dish Ever

2015-01-09T13:46:00.001-06:00

I won't take too much of your time. I just had to let you know about pretty much the best cabbage dish ever. Don't you say you don't like cabbage. You can't say that if you've never tried this cabbage because it is so, so very good. Usually I eat cabbage steamed/boiled with turkey sausage, carrots, new potatoes, onions, butter, salt and pepper. That way is really good. I'm not kicking that way to the curb. That is just more of a one dish thing. This cabbage dish is more like a side. Although, I must say, I could eat the whole pot of it and make that my meal.

All you need are three things. Cabbage, bacon and a bottle of this magical sauce.

That is the secret right there. I got this from the Texas grocery store H.E.B., but I'm sure you could order it on-line. It is soooooooo good. It's not spicy either. I don't do spicy. Spicy and I are not on good speaking terms. I got this recipe from H.E.B., too. The grocery store often has people showing off their culinary skills in the middle of the store. I pretty much buy anything they are giving samples of in their little kitchen stage area.

"We've got delicious horse meatballs for you right here! Just dump in a pan and simmer for 15 minutes! BOOM! DINNER!"

Me: "I'll take two packs."

The recipe is simple.

First, cut up the cabbage, but not your fingers. The recipe does not call for blood droplets.

Second, fry 8 ounces of bacon in a pan. Remove the bacon, but keep the bacon grease in the bottom of the pan. I make bacon in the microwave on a little special bacon plate. I just poured that grease in the pot when I was ready to cook the cabbage.

Third, combine the cabbage and hot bacon grease. Cook that together for a few minutes.

Fourth, pour about half of the bottle of Robert's Reserve Roasted Habanero and Pineapple Sauce over the top. Don't let it cook together much longer after that. I would serve it right away, because I am not a fan of mushy, wilty-looking cabbage. It starts reminding me of sauerkraut then and sauerkraut and I are not on good speaking terms either.

Oh! How could I forget?? Crumble up the bacon and toss it back in!

As for the calories in it...hmmm... I don't know. You think I'm would because I'm obsessed with tracking everything I eat into My Fitness Pal right now. (Want to find me? I'm kelleyn22! Let's be friends!) I did take a picture of the back of the bottle to help me figure it out the next time I eat it.

Two tablespoons has 70 calories. Well, dang it, man. Hmmm... I don't know what to tell you, sister. I don't know how much is in a nice little side of it when you serve it. I think you could bet on 140 with bacon grease and everything. I don't think that's a bad deal.

The other plus with this sauce is that you can cook meatballs in it and have Hawaiian meatballs. That is what I am doing with the other half of mine. Yum!

I tried to make that a fast post, but I didn't do so great. Still friends?

Do you like cabbage? How do you make it? Let's discuss over on Facebook. I'd love to hear from you. You can go to the link below or use the Facebook box at the bottom. Thanks for visiting!!

Post by Kelley's Breakroom.

The Boy Store

2015-01-06T22:30:00.001-06:00

Just rows and rows and endless rows of every kind of boy one can imagine sitting in little chairs on extra large shelves is what you would see if you walked into The Boy Store. It's a happy, safe place. A fun place. It's sort of like The North Pole but less cold and more children.

This is the place I tell my boys about every now and then. They have heard the story so often that they usually say "We knoooow" long before I am done.

(They secretly love it.)

"Ummmm...excuse me, sir," I say to the manager of The Boy Store.

"Yes, ma'am. How can I help you?"

"I know you've got a lot of great kids here, but I am looking for something very specific."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yes. I am actually looking for two boys. One has blonde hair, is 10-years-old, loves football jerseys, is funny, really likes reading Diary of a Wimpy Kid books, is tall, likes history and likes to eat olives straight from the jar. The other one is 6-years-old and really enjoys games, is also very tall, has a sweet heart, has little freckles on his nose and cheeks, is very competitive, makes people laugh and falls asleep sideways in a recliner as soon as a movie starts."

"You weren't kidding! That is very specific! Let me see what I can find."

The nice man starts looking through his extensive computer database. He adjusts his reading glasses at the same time he realizes that he may be a while and looks up to say, "Why don't you have a look around? I am going to need a few minutes."

"Sure! I can do that."

As I start walking down the aisle, I am awe-struck by all of these happy, smiling, laughing, polite boys. I am tickled by the funny things they say. They are all so polite and so friendly.

But, I don't see what I am looking for...

I walk down one aisle. Then two. Then fifteen. Then two hundred and fifty. Then 3,567,853. Then 12,537,111.

Searching.

Looking.

Hoping.

With my head hung low and my legs aching, I return to the front desk.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I couldn't find these two specific boys I came in here to find. I have been here for what seems like days but can't spot them anywhere."

"Well, surely you have found some adequate replacements! We have some top-notch boys in this place!"

"No doubt. I was impressed by them all."

"Aisle 8 features boys who will never make a mess!"

"Yes, bu---"

"And aisle 23 has boys who always say they're sorry!"

"I know tha---"

"What about aisle 98? Surely you'd like a boy who never makes a mistake or error in sports! That aisle is full of them!"

"I see. It's ju---"

"You like good grades, don't you? The boys on aisle 11 have never made less than a 100% on anything ever!"

"Wow. That is gre---"

"The aisle 18 boys make their beds without being asked! Aisle 63 boys do all of their chores and then some on a daily basis. The chaps on aisle 33 never, ever start fights with their siblings! The boys on 44 have never said a mean word to their parents!"

"Sir! Sir! That is awesome to hear."

"Aisle 7,899 boys don't fart or burp!"

"Hmmm... Well, still, I---"

"They always flush the toilet and aim properly on aisle 18,555!!!"

"That sounds really awesome bu---"

"They are perfect kids! Perfect!!"

"Sir, I hear you. I agree. Those are all very admirable qualities but I'm afraid I am not persuaded to give up my search for these two other boys. I guess no luck with your earlier research?"

With a heavy sigh and one last glance over the top of his glasses, he looks back down at his files.

"Well, I guess you are in luck. I found them but I am afraid you will have to do a lot of walking to get to them. You will have to walk through the 10 million aisles in this store, then over a few treacherous mountains, through a few dry, dangerous valleys, straight forward for at least a thousand miles and around the corner to the left. There you will see another store just like this one. They are both waiting for you on aisle 67,327."

Before he can look back up from his mound of paper, I have taken off.

Doctors, couldn't you think of a better word than this one?

2015-01-04T21:58:00.003-06:00

Okay, people of the internet, I almost kicked this blog to the curb. Right to it. I mean, it's nose was millimeters from the curb. This whole Christmas break I thought, "Blog? Do I even like you even more? Do I even have time for your face anymore?" I'd waffle back and forth. "Yes, I like you, blog. I never want to let you go." "Blog, you're a pain in the rear end. Walk that way. No, the other way. Walk faster." It's just that, well, I've had it for a while now. Sometimes I think it's pathetic, this blog life. Who am I talking to, anyway? I see that people are reading it, but why, you know? I've explored this topic before in my womp-womp post, "What's the point of blogging?"

I don't want this post to be womp-womp.

I guess I just want it to be more honest. If I am going to go forward with this blogging life and if you are going to be reading it, well, I need to come up with a plan. You see, I had always envisioned this blog as a very creative place. I never wanted to write about what my kids did all day and about dirty diapers. If I had named this blog "The Dirty Diaper Diaries" (I bet that blog is out there), well, guess what? That name would be out-of-date because there aren't any of those around here anymore and there won't be any dirty diapers around here until I either babysit my new nephew (he's two months and so, so cuuuuuute!!) or I get really stinkin' old and just let it go. (When that happens, please remind me that I once wrote a post about adult diapers needing decorations. I think that I'll really want my Depends spruced up later.)

As I was saying, I wanted this to be a creative place. I've done some creatin' around here. I've given a lot of my creativity to NickMom, too. You can see all that I've written for them here. One of these days, I'm going to gather all of my favorite, more creative posts and put them under the "favorites" tab up in my navigation bar. I feel like I have become less creative in recent months because I'm giving all of that creativity and energy over to my part-time job as a school speech-language pathologist. (If you are interested in speech and language development and activities to foster that, you might be interested in my "speech therapy stuff" and "Spanish speech therapy ideas" on Pinterest.)

I feel like I've neglected this little ol' Break Room. I've just left dust everywhere in here.

I feel like I can't just let it go.

For one thing, I feel like the blog has sort of become part of me. Isn't that weird? A friend told me that another friend refers to me as "Kelley's Break Room". That's my name. Kelley's Break Room. My Twitter handle is @kelleysbreakrm.. Want to know something? I don't even like that name. I wish I had never put "Kelley" in the title. When I was dreaming up this blog, though, I had no clue. It was between "Kelley's Break Room" and "Kelley's Krazy, Kooky Konnecting Korner". I'm just joking. It was never going to be that. I kouldn't have put up with all of those k's. I kan't tell you how much that would have annoyed me.

When I say that the blog has become part of me, I am taken back to an appointment when a doctor told me the name of something else that had become a part of me. It was a sad, mean old word. One day, for some reason, I reached up to my side and felt around to something on my back. My back has nothing on it. I don't have any moles or freckles or anything. It's just sort of boring really. So, when I felt a little bump on my back, I went ahead and freaked right out. My husband was nearby. I honestly, honestly started bawling. It was zero to tears in no time. It was irrational. I was just so afraid that I had skin cancer. It didn't help that I was working at The University of Texas M. D. Anderson Cancer Center at the time. Cancer was always on my mind. So, of course, I made an appointment right away to see my doctor.

It wasn't cancer.

Thank the Lord.

It was a BARNACLE.

"Oh, it's not cancerous. That's what we call a BARNACLE."

Ohmygoodnessgracious, he said I had a barnacle. I mean, that's just horrific sounding. It's like I'm a big fat rock in the middle of the ocean with a bunch of oyster shells clamped on to me for dear life. I mean, could they not think of a better word than BARNACLE.

Original picture from Wikipedia.

"Hey, Lance, I have an idea. We could tell women they have a Harmless Skin Thing and refer to it as HST OOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRR we could just call it a barnacle. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! BARNACLE!!! Oh, they'll love that!!"

"Lance!! You're a genius!!! Let's definitely call it a barnacle!!! Hahaha!!!"

Thanks, doctors.

I'm not sure what's worse. Barnacle or SKIN TAG. Oh, my goodness. You should see my face right now. I can hardly type because I'm scrunching my face up in all sorts of ways. SKIN TAG. Dang it, that's hard to even type out.

"Ms. Jones, I'm sorry to break this to you, but you've got a barnacle and a skin tag."

Poor Ms. Jones! She's got BOTH!

If she had a plantar wart, too, peace be with her. Not of fan of the PW.

Anyway, back to me, needless to say, I got ol' Barney removed. But, yeah, the Break Room is sort of like Barney was to me. It's sort of attached to me. Kelley's Barnacle Room. That just doesn't have the same ring to it. So, although I gave Barney the ol' heave-ho, I'm not sure I'm quite ready to do that to this blog.

It just needs some brushing off and updating and stuff.

I'm sorry, but that brings me to one other thing. Speaking of brushing off and updating and stuff, over the Christmas break, the sweetest little girl came up to me with big, wide eyes and said to me, "You know what would make you pretty? If you drank a gallon of water a day."

So, Kelley-with-the-barnacles needs more water in her life. Kelley needs some refreshing and so does her Break Room. She needs some new concealer, too. So, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to put more water tanks around here so I can get in my gallon, buy some more concealer and I may even get a doctor set up in the other corner to do some barnacle inspections, if you feel you are in need of one. I'll tell him to be quiet about it. There won't be any, "LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GOT OURSELVES A NICE BARNACLE HERE, VICKI!" None of that.

But, I'm going to stay.

If you are still reading this, thank you, thank you, thank you for wanting to read what I write here. If this is the first time you've stopped by, I'm glad you are here. If you are a regular reader or somewhat regular browser/skimmer, thank you. I appreciate all of you more than you know!

The 4 Things I'm Going To Do To Lose 15 Pounds In 2015

2014-12-30T23:32:00.004-06:00

That's a little bold, right? A little presumptuous? Welllllll, you're right. The thing is, if I SAY it, or if I TYPE it, maybe it will be more likely to come true.

I WILL lose it, friends. I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will.

If you have followed this blog that I have been pretty much grossly neglecting lately, you may know that I was on a fitness journey with Sean Millhouse of Fitness 101 last year. I wrote lots of posts about fitness and weight loss and recipes and great stuff like that. You can find them here. I still get lots and lots of hits on the post Funny Stuff Women Say To Their Personal Trainers. They eat it up over on Pinterest. The video of a personal trainer imitating women is hee-hee-hilarious.

The thing is...I've been slacking. I've lost the good stuff I've done and packed on some pounds. I have indulged in the queso and the peppermint ice cream. Something has got to stop or I will get stuck in my doorway soon.

So, what am I going to do?

I wish I could tell you that I was going to get up at 5:30 a.m. and go to the gym. As gyms go, Fitness 101 pretty much rocks. Sean and everyone there is funny, motivating, encouraging and just nice. There is not a thing wrong with the place. There are lots and lots of things right with the place. My hope is that I really make some progress 'round here and get myself back there. Unless I get up really early, though, I just don't see how I am going to get that worked in right now.

One thing that really motivates me to get back there is their ellipticals. I started doing some research on Amazon and Craigslist. I got on some at Academy. I realized that pretty much all I could dish out right now for an elliptical would get me two pieces of wood teeter-tottering on top of tin cans. I want the kind of elliptical I get on at the gym in my house, but that requires a wad of cash that we are not willing to put toward exercise equipment right now.

So, I had to come up with another plan.

I came up with FOUR things to get this thing done. I can't hit 40 in April looking like the marshmallow guy in Ghostbusters. The marshmallow guy with a long brown wig.

THING ONE: Hire this guy.

That would be my 6-year-old son, so hiring him is pretty easy. I already pay him in food, shelter, toys and new batting gloves. He is my motivator. "Mom, are you going to stop exercising now? It says to do it 4 or 5 times and you've done it only 3." He exercises with me. He asks me to wait until his favorite show is over before I exercise so he can do it with me. He keeps me company as I defy gravity and kick my legs out and stuff. If you are looking to do my 4 things this year, too, and need a personal motivotrainer, well, he's not for hire. He's a first grader with books to read every night for school and he is still trying to get his addition facts memorized. I think a friend, a co-worker, a spouse or even people on-line, like on the Kelley's Break Room Facebook page even, can help motivate you. If they are struggling on how to help you, though, you just let me know. Maybe they can be pen pals with my son.

THING TWO: Follow this exercise routine at home.

I remember this girl once told me that she has an exercise routine that she does every day at home. She said she even does some of the exercises while she is blow drying her hair or whatever. That has stayed on my mind. The only thing I do while blow drying my hair is accidentally whack myself in the head with the blow dryer. Since I'm not great at getting myself into the gym, I have got to come up with something I can do at home. I have participated in Tae Bo (remember that?) and exercise videos by Denise Austin and Cindy Crawford. I don't want to even do that anymore. If I have to walk over to find a video or something on TV, I probably won't do it. I'm terrible. I'm The World's Greatest Excuse Maker. (I need that on a mug.) Not too long ago, I saw a "At-Home CrossFit" routine on Pinterest. I took a picture of it with my phone and it collected dust in my photo app. I finally brushed it off the other day and wrote it down on a piece of paper. My 6-year-old personal trainer above saw it and asked if he could add some things that he does in his P.E. class to my list. So, now I've got kicks, hops, jogging and arm circles on my list, too, finished off, of course by a good "strach".

It might not look like much on paper, but it's a lot when you are lunging it and squatting it all over the place. I need to up it to 5 times per session rather than 4. My goal is to do these every morning. This, of course, won't happen every single day but I am going to try to make it happen on most. If time allows, I am also going to ride my bike after I am done. It's getting colder now, though, so my timing wasn't so great on making that decision. I also want to incorporate weights into that routine. If I can commit to doing these exercises for 4 weeks straight at least 3-4 times a week, I think I will be motivated to change it up or make it more challenging. Right now, it's plenty challenging all by itself.

THING THREE: Keep my FitBit charged at least, for goodness sakes.

Not too long ago, I impulsively got myself a FitBit. I did it before work. I was so anxious to see how many steps I took during the day. I walk quite a bit at the school where I work, so I logged in 10,000 steps easily on most days. Since we are off on Christmas vacation, it's been getting kind of bored. It's not really bored because of lack of steps, but rather, um...well, as you probably gathered, it's not charged. If I could keep the thing charged, I know that I would refer to it often. I'll admit, though, when I bought it, I was mainly looking at the FitBit to see what I was already doing instead of what I still needed to do to meet my 10,000 steps goal. So, that needs to change. Having the FitBit on also identifies you as a person that is aware of exercise and the importance of it. I think it is slowly reminding me that, hello, exercise already. Another thing that I am reminded of when I look at my FitBit is my husband saying to me the day I bought it, "That is not going to do you a FitBit of good." I am going to prove him so wrong.

THING FOUR: Track my nutrition.

There are a bunch of apps out there, I'm sure, but I am using My Fitness Pal. This is not a sponsored post in any way, so I am not getting anything for mentioning any name or product in this post. I just like My Fitness Pal. I think it is easy to use and has just about everything that I eat in it. One of my favorite features is when it pops up with "If you ate like this every day, you would weigh 1,216,216 pounds in 5 weeks". Tracking what you eat and drink is a pain in the neck and a half, but I know this is also key for me. We went out for an early 2015 celebration last night. I had a Cosmopolitan or two. When I tracked my drinks, HOLY MOLY GUACAMOLE, I drank a lot of calories. That mess needs to stop. And pronto, before I look preggo. (I absolutely despise the word "preggo", but it just went with "pronto" so well. Please overlook it, at least this once?)

So, those are my four things: a) have a person that can motivate you nearby, b) exercise frequently during the week with my at-home aerobics routine, c) use the dingdang FitBit and d) track my calories on the app. I can do that, right? I can do it and, if you wanted, you can do it!

I just must lose 15 pounds this winter/spring. I just must. I can't be having this mess.

Would you add anything to my list??

The Fastest, Funniest Book I've Ever Read

2014-12-12T07:16:00.001-06:00

And I've read a lot of books.

I have a lot of books by comedians that go way back. I can read those books fast, but are any of those the fastest book I've ever read? Nope, nope, nope.

It would make sense that the fastest AND funniest book I've ever read would have to do with Twitter, since it is very fast-paced and, if you look in the right spots, funny, too.

Oh, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter. I like the Twitter. I honestly sometimes read my Twitter timeline and laugh out loud over and over again. True, true laughs. I arrange some of the people I read on Twitter into different groups- "Funny Favorites", "Favstar Users" (people who specifically use Twitter to write/read jokes), "Bloggers", "Comedians/Media VIPs", etc. Arranging the people I follow on Twitter into groups helps me to find what I want to find on Twitter quickly, which is a good laugh. That is the main reason I go on Twitter at all.

You know who else does that?

Kate Hall of Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine? and Norine Dworkin-McDaniel and Jessica Ziegler of Science of Parenthood. Now, they may also go on Twitter to get a nice soufflé recipe, too, but I KNOW they go on there for laughs. I know because they turned a bunch of those Twitter laughs into a book.

This book.

You can get a paperback of it for $10.32. I would say this book pretty much is the best little gift you can give to a parent now at Christmas, at a baby shower or any time. It is truly funny, it can be read in short segments (bathroom reading!), it is clean humor (makes it easy to give to anyone), a great price and easy to wrap. I love things that are easy to wrap.

When I first received my box of books, I grabbed a copy and sat down to read it. If I hadn't had to go break up my sons' argument over a basketball, I probably could have read the book in one sitting. You just want to keep reading to the next section and, before you know it, you are all out of sections.

And, if I am being completely honest, I actually ripped the book open right away to find my tweets. I have a few in there, like the one below, thanks to Kate, Jessica & Norine asking me to be a part of this project. I was honored! Twitter has been a friend of mine for a while. I actually spoke about it at Blog University this past summer.

So, what is the point of all of this? I want to give three of you a copy of the book to keep or for you to give as a gift. All you need to do is leave a Facebook comment by going to the link below. If you share the Facebook update, come back to let me know that in the comments. That will count as an extra entry. I will pick the winners next Friday morning so that I can mail them out on that Friday.

Post by Kelley's Breakroom.

And, you better hurry. The book is flying off the shelves and even appearing in hit TV shows like The Walking Dead. It's only a matter of time before there are no more books left. See Jessica in her cameo appearance below? I'm pretty sure Glenn is running to get a copy he heard about in an abandoned Barnes & Noble in this picture and Jessica is letting him know she's got one, so there's no need for him to worry. That says a lot about Jessica that she's willing to subject herself to zombies for the sake of the book. What a selfless girl.

Looking for the perfect stocking stuffer? Try the 2015 Chrysler 200.

2014-12-01T13:09:00.002-06:00

Finally, I sit in front of my laptop. I miss you, laptop. Your black, straight monitor and quick little keys have a special place in my heart. I have been wanting to sit in front of you ever since last week, but have had difficulty finding the time to do that. You see, the Thursday before Thanksgiving, I had to bid farewell to one of my favorite new friends. This post is all about that friend, so you'll be hearing more about her in a second. On Friday and in the days following, some of my favorite people ever came to visit. My family from Washington and Florida were here for the Thanksgiving break. So, as you can imagine, there hasn't been a lot of time to give to you.

Thanks to STI and Chrysler, I was able to give my own vehicle the boot for the week and drive in splendor and bliss. When I got back into my car, I felt like I was getting back into a really old station wagon with radio dials from the 60s. In actuality, my SUV is a 2008 and has a digital radio, but...it just doesn't compare. As much as I am grateful for its years of service, it just doesn't compare at all.

Here's my friend, though you must've have seen her when you started reading this post. I can't keep secrets well.

The 2015 Chrysler 200.

If you are going to use this as a stocking stuffer, may I suggest that you consider looking into a new stocking? One that is extra, extra, extra, extra (times 800) large? And not made of cotton or felt? Or the other option? Just slide the key in there.

Instead of give you a long narrative about why this friend should be your friend, too, and be a part of your Christmas scene this year, I thought I'd just show you the pictures. I'd let them speak for themselves, but, I am a blogger after all. I must yap.

I really can't decide what I love most about this car, but I can tell you that I really, really, really love the dual sunroof. I feel like I am almost driving in a convertible when both panels are uncovered. It just feels so light and bright in the car when they are open. If I could drive and stand up through the sunroof and yell "Hello, world!!!" at the same time, I would have tried it.

This little screen can be changed out to show your miles per hour, gas situation, some other fancy things and this screen showing the tire pressure. The week that I drove the car was a colder one for us down here in Texas. The tire pressure would fluctuate with the temperature and sort of stress me out. You see that "35" is a different color, right? That indicates that the tire pressure is a little bit lower than it should be. That tire would be fine later in the day and maybe another one would pipe up with, "I need more air! Give me air! Airrrrr!!!" The tires were all fine, though. It was just a weather thing. It would have been better for my heart rate to change this screen out.

Don't EVEN get me started on the music situation. I was in love. Love, love, love. The sound quality was awesome and the selection was the best. I loved listening to the radio and satellite radio A LOT. Like I said before, I am driving a 2008 vehicle with minimal bells and whistles. I don't get to listen to my iPod as I drive along either. It was like visiting with an old friend again when I drove the Chrysler 200 for the week. "Adia" by Sarah McLachlan greeted me every time I got in because the music was not shuffled and she is the first on the list. I got to hear "All Cried Out" by Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam a lot, too, for that same reason. There was no complaining from me! Somewhere along the way, I hit shuffle and belted out "I Told You So" by Carrie Underwood. That girl can SANG.

I sure do miss that sound system.

This little panel is different than it is in most cars. Do you see that lower left-hand corner? That is the gear shift! It's a dial! Get outta town! And on the right? That's the parking brake! It's just a little lever! Unbelievable! I liked how dial-y this car was because it was just so simple to operate everything. Having all of the controls centralized like that makes you feel like you are a pilot or something or maybe sitting next to Sandra Bullock in Gravity. Tell me another car that makes you feel like that, huh? Huh?! Hard to do. Hard to do.

When you open up the center console, the electronic plug-in area is revealed. That console was so deep and spacious that I was almost tempted to fill it up and take a little bubble bath at the red lights. Fearful that I might get arrested, I decided not to try it. The other issue with doing that is all of the water might've rushed out of that hole at the top left. I LOVE that I could plug my phone in and sent it in its own little tray and out of the way. My phone liked sitting there, too. It was able to have some peace and quiet for once.

When the phone was hanging out below, I slid it into this special little area in the console made specifically for the phone (or maybe for a wallet?). Either way you look at it, phones and wallets are really made to feel special in the Chrysler 200.

My two boys, ages 10 and 6, absolutely loved riding around in this car. There was lots of room for their legs and drinks and backpacks. Lots of sports are played between the two of them. There was plenty of room for all of their gear in the back. If they needed to get something out of the trunk as we drove along, they could open up a little door to gain access to the back. They thought that was cool. Neither child is in a car seat anymore (THANK THE GOOD LORD!), so I didn't check out the car seat clickers that would've been nestled in the back seat but I have a feeling it was top notch.

I really have no criticisms of this car. I thought it was all-around awesome. I liked how I didn't have to put a ton of gas in it like I do with my SUV. I love how slick it looked and adored all of the extra features. My husband really, really liked it, too. I didn't take a picture of the steering wheel (what was I thinking??), but there are these two extra tabs on it that he said has something to do with shifting gears. He said that you see those types of gears in sports car. So fancy!

I just know that I loved the Chrysler 200 and would totally buy one for myself. Only, if I buy one, I don't think I'd get black interior. It looks AWESOME, but with two boys, it seems to show blades of grass and dirt unleashed from the bottoms of cleats a lot faster than other vehicles. Actually, now that I think about it, maybe that is actually a plus. Maybe I'd keep a car with black interior clean much better because I would notice the dirt and grass much faster.

Hmmmm....

Also? If you get one? Please don't spend 30 minutes looking around the inside of the car and inside the manual for instructions on how to open the gas tank. Hear me: You just push the door to the gas tank. You press in and then it clicks open. So simple. Let's keep it between us that it took me so long to figure out, please?

I believe the base price for this vehicle was around $26,000. My upgraded model was around $36,000.

Do You Wanna Play Some Kickball?

2014-11-29T19:52:00.001-06:00

My boys like Frozen as much as the next girl...er, boy? We all love it. I see Olaf and Sven in our future this Christmas in some form.

Everyone knows the Frozen songs. How could you not? I just heard on the radio today that Idina Menzel is coming in concert in 2015. Frozen on Ice is a big thing. Elsa dolls are everywhere. EVERYONE knows the Frozen songs.

Well, maybe not my 90-year-old grandmother.

"Nana, what magical, dangerous power did Elsa possess?"

*crickets*

I'd totally stump her.

"My mother's name was Elsa."

She'd bring up a tangent like that one, I betcha. Her name was Elsa, but everyone called her Elsie. Poor thing didn't know back then that Elsie would go on to be the name of a cow and Elsa would be the name of a character in a major Disney hit movie. I almost feel sorry for her in those faded pictures I've seen.

Everyone else just about knows all the songs, though. Everyone else has heard Anna sing to Elsa about building that snowman at least a trillion and a half times. It was about halfway to that point for me when I heard different lyrics in my head that apply to my life with my sons, ages 10 and 6.

I had to write them down. That's why I have this blog, you know. It's for me to write things down that really make no sense in normal life. How could I let a friend know that I have other lyrics to the Frozen snowman song? Would this be something that I would bring up to them or to my husband or to the lady that helped me at Walgreens today?

The blog is supposed to fit all the things that have nowhere else to fit in normal life.

If I were to re-write the Frozen song "Do You Wanna Build A Snowman?" to reflect a typical day in my house here in, ahem, Nettlesdale, it would go something like this...

Do you wanna play some kickball?

Come on let's go outside and play

Mom said we can't play inside anymore

We've put a hole in the door

She said we need to take the ball away

So happy we're brothers & best buddies

'Cause when we get caught

We get to take turns looking mom in the eye

Do you wanna play some kickball?

It doesn't have to be kickball.

Mom: Go outside, boys.

Boys: Okay, bye.

Do you still wanna play kickball?

Or ride our bikes or hit some balls?

It doesn't matter what we do

Mom just wants us to

(When can we go back in our home?)

Keep each other from feeling lonely

And not do things that make her fume.

Now we're bored. Let's go hide!

(Tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock,tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock,tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic- tock, tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock)

Mom: "Boys? BOYS???

BOYS?!?!?

I can FINALLY see you hiding out there!

Been worried sick wondering where you've been.

I said 'Go outside', not 'Hide & make me think you've been taken', because I was trying to repair the hole in the door you kicked in

I'm glad you love each other

You've no idea how happy that makes me

But, next time, what are you gonna do??"

Say "Wanna go OUTSIDE and play some kickball?"

(Gooooood boys.)

(I might start singing this to them every night.)

The Anniversary Dinner Gone Wrong

2014-11-17T00:17:00.001-06:00

On November 20th, my husband and I will be married for 15 years. So, naturally, to celebrate this big, important milestone, we celebrated our anniversary at a new Italian restaurant in town. With my two sons. And my mother-in-law. Oh, it was fine. I didn't mind. We can count this as our anniversary dinner. For now. I have my sights on a restaurant meant just for the two of us down the road.

This is real life.

We decided to visit this restaurant because it was referred to us by my sister's in-laws, which happened to be there! They just can't get enough! (They just can't get enough. They just can't get enough... Where's Depeche Mode when ya need 'em?) My parents tried it before us and my dad said it was "very, very, very good". My dad doesn't usually use that many verys. (The last time I can remember him using so many verys was when he said, "I'm very, very, very, very, very, very, very, VERY surprised you went out to centerfield to play softball and left your glove in the dugout." Truth. Every word of it.) The place is pretty close to us, in a strip center and a not very expensive. We like all of those things. So, on Saturday night, we ate there.

Since we were there to celebrate our anniversary, I asked the waitress for a wine menu.

"We don't have a liquor license, but there is a liquor store next door."

Well, hot dog. It's BYOW.

(That's one lucky liquor store.)

So, I walked over to the liquor store without hesitation and did my best impersonation of a person who gives a rip about the wine she picks. I tend to stick with the "pinot grigio" because I just learned how to pronounce it right not too long ago and it tastes pretty good. I don't get into all of that wine mumbo jumbo, which should not come as a surprise since I once wrote the post All Wine Is Basically The Same, Right?

Seconds later, I was back with my wine in a brown paper bag like I was headed to a street corner by myself. It wasn't a great look, but I don't think the patrons cared or were surprised, seeing as almost all of them had a bottle of wine on their tables, too.

We drank a glass.

Seriously, like one glass, which is why it's CRAZY that as I was lifting my salad bowl up and then setting back down, I broke the wine glass. As I type this, I can't, for the life of me, remember why I was moving my bowl back down. I wasn't pretending I was holding Bowl Weight Lifts. "And up and down and up and down and lift! LIFT THAT BOWL HIGH! HIGHER! Now, breeeeeeeeeeeeathe..." I wasn't doing that. Who knows? All I know, is that the dingdang wine glass cracked. Crazy enough, the wine didn't spill out. The waitress came to take the wine glass from me, but can you believe she took the whole wine glass and didn't pour the remaining wine into another glass? What a waste! I mean, hey, if there had been glass particles in there, so what? What's a little glass going to do to your digestive system??

So, that was sort of a scene.

Everything was made right and I went back to eating my Pasta Bolognese. Now, here's the deal, I loved that restaurant. I did. The bread was OFF THA CHAIN. Off it. Completely off the dingdang chain. The house salad was so, so good. Next time I go, I'm going to ask the waitress to bring me a glass of that dressing and save the tea for someone else. The Bolognese sauce was good, don't get me wrong (don't do it!) but I wasn't a fan of it being over spaghetti noodles. I thought it was supposed to be over penne pasta or something. Oh, I have no clue. It was good but about 15 bites in, I bit into something hot. I guess it was the pepper flakes that hot shots sprinkle on pizza. Why these people can't be satisfied with parmesan cheese, I have no idea. Why the need to scorch your mouth?

Those red peppers I am certain were in my pasta sauce Saturday night.

I can't take spice.

I can't do it.

I go from zero-to-Matt-Foley-sweat in 2 seconds if I eat something spicy.

"I need water! I need tea! OhmyGOSH, this is hot!" and on and on I went as I gulped whatever I could find, except for my restaurant neighbor's unsweet tea. (I am not a fan of unsweet tea.)

"Kelley, it's not hot. It's PASTA SAUCE. You just had too much wine," my husband said to me.

"I've had, like, a HALF OF A GLASS. The pasta sauce is HOT."

"It's pasta sauce."

"It's hot."

"Sauce."

"Hot."

"Sauce."

"Hot."

My mother-in-law reached her fork over to see if I was a filthy liar and, of course, she didn't get any of the hot bites.

The waitress walked up a second later, though (she said she heard me going on about the spice), and said that she had noticed spice with it, too, so I totally won one that one. My husband won't admit it, but, yeah, I won that one. Me. Winner.

But, that was sort of a second scene.

And then my 10-year-old son burped. And giggled.

"You don't burp like that in a restaurant! Say excuse me!" I hissed.

And the waitress heard.

And giggled.

SCENE THREE.

And, not one to really love only making three scenes at a restaurant if at all possible, I made a fourth one. I wouldn't have made it, except that I noticed the toilet was stopped up in the ONE public restroom at the place. I came out of the bathroom REALLY fast when I noticed that because I wanted no one blaming me for being the toilet stopper upper. I'm really sensitive to people thinking I did something in the bathroom that I didn't. One time my husband blamed skid marks on me in college right in front of all of his college roommates because he thought it was funny. Just so, so, super funny. They thought it was hilarious and one of them actually did it!!

"I'm sorry to bother you again, but the toilet is stopped up. I didn't see a plunger in there or I would've totally un-stopped it up for you. I'm sort of a pro at that. You just stick that thing in there, push down 2 or 3 times and BAM, done. No, no, no...not because of anything I do, but, you know, well, anyway... I'm good at it," I quickly blurted out to the wait staff.

"Oh, don't worry about it, ma'am. We'll take care of it."

Those nice people had to go next door, probably to their BFF's place (the liquor store), and borrow a plunger. Isn't that crazy? They didn't have one of their own. No one has yet to stop up the toilet, but it was stopped up when I got there. Wouldn't you know it? I think they need to stick that thing right smack dab beside the toilet and move on with life. They could dress it up like I suggested in my post, Where Do You Keep Your Plunger?.

I was so grateful that someone else in the restaurant was making scenes of their own. That someone was unknown, but they still were embarrassed inside. I mean, THEY STOPPED UP THE TOILET! I was just grateful that, after my walk through the restaurant with a large brown bag, breaking the wine glass and acting like I needed someone to dump all of the Gulf of Mexico into my mouth so that the spiciness could be conquered, someone else was actually making a scene, too. Finally, it was somebody else's tu--

"Mommy?"

"Yes, son?"

He leaned over to whisper very, very, very quietly, "We stopped up the toilet. We were playing in there and put too much toilet paper in the toilet."

And, there you have it, my friends.

Scene FIVE.

Next year, we'll just celebrate our anniversary outside the hot dog warmer at gas station. Maybe we'll splurge to make it extra romantic and get matching Icees.

Everyone has a made a scene at a restaurant before, right? Don't make me feel all alone!

Post by Kelley's Breakroom.

The Bowl: A poem

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Oh, bowl of mine,

You ain't that pretty.

You're from another time

When lots of people were named Betty.

Still, if you broke?

Well, I wouldn't be happy.

You belonged to my folks

Which is why this bad poem is about to get sappy.

When I look at you,

I don't see a 70s circle of brown.

I see you like a timeline of food.

Turning my frown upside down.

You remind me of love,

You remind me of my parents.

Which is why people out of the way I'd shove,

If I ever saw you at a store on clearance.

Pretty sure they bought you in '72.

An era of thick mustaches, tinted glasses and plaid.

With love, they prepared food in you

And fed it to me when I was good (and when I was bad.)

When I see you, I think of my carefree youth,

A time when I was so tiny, sassy and dependent

I think of you holding my favorite "melted corn" (what I called creamed corn- the truth)

It's crazy- you are so remniscent.

You also remind of my caring and loving mom that I'd beg

To let me help her make breakfast.

So, she'd give me a spoon and crack into you lots and lots of eggs

That I could stir, stir, stir while pretending to be my parents.

You also remind me of imagination and chocolate ice cream

And times with Lisa, my younger sister.

We'd share it at the butcher block table & dream,

Of a day when we'd be older, wiser & richer.

So, though you aren't a gorgeous sight,

I will always, always keep you close by,

You remind me of happy, in-the-way-back-past family times,

And inspire me make good, positive memories for the two boys of mine.

What is the point of blogging?

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We all have different answers to that. If you don't write one, maybe you could tell me what the point is in reading one. If you are looking for a quick answer to my question that isn't "Everyone has different reasons" or "It helps us feel connected and heard and unafraid and inspired and entertained", I'm afraid I can't help.

My boys are always, "Are you blogging, Mom?" or "She's probably blogging!" I'm all, "Boys, PLEASE." My 6-year-old thinks texting is called blogging. I hardly ever blog anymore, especially not when they are awake. They need to get with the program. It's like when they say to my husband and me, "Don't fight!" when we are barely having a disagreement. They don't realize how bad it really could be. Just like blogging, they don't realize how often I could blog. Once or twice a week? Or even a month? Please.

Here I have this blog but sometimes I wonder why. Why do I write these words and why do I care?

Over the years, I have loved this blog. I don't want to let it go and, still, today I want to cling tight to it.

But, why?

A blog is sort of like you being the person at the lunch table and not letting anyone else talk. You just blab, blab, blab away while everyone looks at you.

I don't want to be a blabber.

Sometimes I want to drop kick this blog to my old alley way behind the house I grew up in. That same alley way where a truck hit my sister and she flew through the air like a rag doll.

She's okay now.

In fact, she just had a baby on November 1st. She is more than okay now. She is the happiest I have ever seen her.

But, yeah, sometimes? Drop kick this blog is what I feel like doing.

Why do I write the dingdang thing?

Here's the deal: I don't care about going viral. I don't want to be controversial. I don't want to capitalize on the latest thing. I don't want to reveal all my family's secrets or things the kids are doing that they may not appreciate that I shared when they're older. Things like that. Zilch desire.

Sooooo...here I am, but what is the point of my blog if it isn't to make me internet rich and famous?

And here you are. Still reading.

That is why I still write it, I think. You read it even though I am nothing special. I am just a person like you. I'm just writing things down a little more often.

I really think I write it because you read it. If I wasn't here, though, you would read something else. In fact, in a nanosecond, you will be reading something else and you will have forgotten you were here. I know because I do the same kind of thing errrrday.

(This may be your first day here and you're all, like, "Ew!" in your best Jimmy Fallon voice. "Ew! Mushy! Too serious! Not funny! Ew!")

I would feel sad if I let the blog go.

Or maybe not?

So, what is the point of this post? I guess I am just checking in. I'm wanting the cleaning crew here in the Break Room to know I appreciate how often they re-stock the vending machine. I want Rose at the front desk to know I've noticed every time she hasn't forgotten to water the ivy in the macrame holder.

I think mostly I'm wanting to be transparent as I contemplate the future of this place. Can I give it what it needs to be a thriving blog? I haven't updated certain pages in a while. I haven't written posts about hitting five ducks, getting Chinese foot massages, the lack of female hibachi chefs at Benihana, what I do at Home Depot when my husband shops there forever and ever, sort of meeting Adam Levine (but not really), why Mister Rogers stresses me out, ridiculous shoes worn at Disney World, inventive Ben & Jerry names or Pepto Bismol in a long time. I had more time for inspiration when I wasn't working outside of the home part-time, carting my kids around to practices so much, navigating the world of two elementary school-aged boys that I love with all of my heart and trying to figure out 4th grade math homework.

Do I want this to be a thriving blog anymore or do I want to...not do that?

The truth?

I think I'd miss it.

I think I'd miss you.

Why do you blog or why do you read blogs?

Let's talk about blogs, baby. Let's talk about you and me. Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that blogs may be. Let's talk about...blogs.

Post by Kelley's Breakroom.