First, I am disheartened, discouraged, and disillusioned by the lack of love and unity I see in the pro-life movement. If I’m being honest, I feel the same way about the church and Christians as a whole. I’m constantly under a microscope and wondering which group is going to think I’m a heretic or in a cult or assume I think I’m a victim or just simply say I’m “doing it wrong.” Whatever that means. I’ve found myself questioning why I believe what I believe. And there comes a time when, for the sake of guarding your heart, you need a break. I’m taking that break.

Second, I felt like I was neglecting the children I chose to give LIFE to and the husband I chose to do LIFE with. While I know my abortion story is powerful, so is my ability to be a great Mom and raise some life-loving, love-giving kids who can change the world. They need me. My daughter has two more years at home before she goes off to college. I want these two years to really count. And I need to be here physically and emotionally to do that.

Third, it’s just heavy, serious stuff. I needed to eat snow cones and listen to pop music and go bowling and watch stupid movies and dance at weddings and maybe even drink a glass of wine again without wondering if a hotel or food company supported Planned Parenthood and without feeling guilty that I was choosing not to spend all of my free time standing outside of an abortion clinic. I couldn’t separate the heaviness of talking about abortion all day everyday from my “normal life.” I needed freedom in my heart and in my home. I needed to laugh. I needed to take care of myself. And I think Goodness and Mercy would want that for me.

Fourth, I’ve lost friends and family that I LOVE and miss and have really pissed some people off. Don’t read that sentence and automatically think “they hated Jesus first” or other excuses we Christians give for just being jerks….because in my heart, I’ve been a jerk. I’ve been judgmental, condemning, and thought I was better than anyone who disagreed with me. I realize that the truth will make some people angry, but the truth delivered in a demeaning, LOUD, incessant way outside of relationship can actually make folks deaf to what you have to say. I don’t want to be a clanging cymbal.

I will always be pro-life and will always have a story to tell. I’m not giving up or quitting. When I get to Orlando, I will spend time with my friend John. I will always pray that babies will be given life and love.

I don’t want my identity to be wrapped up in standing against something. I want to be known as a woman who loved well…so well that while I never backed down from the truth, I wrapped it in relationship and seasoned it with gentleness and kindness. My prayer is that loving well will speak louder than any blog I’ve ever written and any speech I’ve ever given.

((Disclaimer: This is NOT a criticism of anyone who does full-time pro-life work. This is just MY heart. You know I love you all and have nothing but love and respect for you.))

Maybe a situation didn’t turn out like we thought it would.

Or a spouse seems distant and communication seems impossible.

We have all been there. We are there right now. That next phone call may be it. And it got me thinking. Dangerous, I know.

Maybe it’s just me, but I look around and it seems we are all so concerned with how everyone else is doing life and we forget to look at ourselves. Don’t misunderstand me. I know some of us are dealing with some major stuff. We are dealing with our crap. And this means you’re going to have to confront some things and maybe even piss some people off.

But I have to ask myself a question: Once I’ve laid it all out there, if nothing ever changes can I still love? If not, then I need to address my pride and my ridiculous need to be right. Because if my relationships are based on everyone doing things my way, that’s not really a relationship. That’s a dictatorship.

Social media has only added to our issues. It has made us all front seat observers in the lives of people that sometimes we’ve never even met in real life. We turn into the morality police. Or the doctrine police. Or the food police. Or the budget police. You shouldn’t watch that or read that or believe that or eat that or spend your money on that. Remember when these things used to be addressed out of relationships? If you’re under 20, a relationship is where you sit with people, put your phones down, and get to know each other.

Real relationships will bring real disappointment. If you don’t love someone, they can’t hurt you. Eventually you will love someone enough to take the chance…at least I hope you will.

I’ve learned that it’s a miracle when we are able to give things we didn’t get. Most of us are doing the best we can, as flawed as that can be. Wounded people wound people, right? And are any of us wound-free?

What if we looked at the ones that seem the most toxic and saw them as wounded children who just need love? We are so willing to bring in damaged orphans and radically love them, but what if we extended that same love to the ones who hurt us and disappoint us? It is not our job to fix them. It is our job to love them. The amazing thing is that in loving them, we may just heal both of us in the process.

2. No one except you really cares what you weigh.

3. Never trust someone who is a crappy tipper…or is rude to waiters…or kicks puppies.

4. Everything is not a crisis. Don’t wait until a real crisis happens to realize that the silly thing you’ve been worrying about doesn’t really matter.

5. You will never regret it when you choose love. Cussing someone out might feel good in the moment, but you will regret it later. If for no other reason that it makes you look bad.

6. You cannot change a narcissist. And someone who thinks everyone else is a narcissist is the biggest narcissist of all.

7. Chocolate or a new pair of shoes will be like a band-aid on a wound. Therapy will clean the wound out. Jesus will make you forget the wound ever happened.

8. Never move anywhere because you’re running from someone or something. You are the problem and you will be wherever you go.

9. Knowing when to say nothing may be the hardest battle you ever fight.

10. Feelings can change by the minute. Wait 24 hours before you hit “send.”

11. There is a difference between stepping out in faith and stepping out in stupid. Be sure you know the difference. (You will mess this up…a lot…)

12. Never EVER gauge a person’s life by their Facebook. You are only seeing their highlight reels.

13. Comparison will destroy your heart and mind. So will criticism. And cynicism. And Crocs.

14. Black never goes out of style.

15. Correction should come out of relationship. Please don’t argue with or try to discipline someone on the internet.

16. Don’t give parenting advice unless someone asks you. Let’s face it…our own kids are only a few steps away from completely taking our sanity.

17. Never EVER say to yourself or someone else “My kids will NEVER do that.” This will be your guarantee that they will.

18. The path of least resistance is incredibly boring and way too crowded. Try going down that road marked “dangerous” if you really want to change the world.

19. You will visit the valley. Just don’t put up a tent and camp there.

20. You cannot pick your parents. But you will not regret it if you honor them. And while you’re at it, forgive them too. Look more at what they DID do and less at what they didn’t do.

21. As much as we want life to be black and white, it really isn’t.

22. <—- Taylor Swift is a darn good songwriter.

23. A person’s perception is their truth. Choose to accept whatever their truth is and apologize even if you didn’t see it that way.

24. It’s perfectly ok for you to own a gun…unless you’re cray cray. Then, NO GUN FOR YOU.

25. Don’t let someone say you have authority issues if you ask questions.

26. Hang around people that don’t always agree with you. Have someone in your life that’s an atheist or a Democrat or that has tattoos or has never colored their hair or has a Jesus fish bumper sticker.

27. Russell Crowe should just stick with acting.

28. Know who you are so that the rejection OR the praise of people won’t change you.

29. Intentionally encourage. Start with that person in the mirror.

30. Having to eat Ramen noodles will show you what you’re made of.

31. Find a go-to funny thing for hard days. For me, it’s Brian Regan or an episode of Friends. Laughter is like an antibiotic that won’t give you the runs.

32. Marry someone that you would want to be friends with…FOREVER.

33. Dave Ramsey could be wrong.

34. Tell your kids you’re sorry when you screw up.

35. You can tell the condition of your heart by how you behave in traffic.

36. Put down your freaking phone & TALK to somebody.

Thanks for reading, friends!!

My heart has always been to encourage and provoke others to believe they can do ANYTHING. I love empowering ones around me to go for whatever is in their hearts. I love asking them “why not now and why not you?” I love breaking through their excuses and getting to the root of what is holding them back, because it always comes down to one thing: FEAR. It can be fear of rejection, failure, opinions, being uncomfortable, or even fear of success. Everyone has fears that keep them from being authentic.

The difference between those who passionately pursue what God has put in them and those who don’t comes down to who is willing to do things afraid. Who is willing to let their heart pound so hard it may beat out of their chest? Who will fight through the sweaty palms, the quivering voice, the unknown, and the painfully uncomfortable? Who will chance that maybe you won’t get the part or pass the test or nail the audition or land the job? Who will ignore what people think?

If you’re feeling that “thing” in your heart right now, it’s ok. You’ve settled for comfort. I have too. The glorious news is that it’s NEVER too late. I am almost 37 years old, and I feel like I’m just getting started. I’ve been throwing courage on others while ignoring the dreams in myself. However, being older does have advantages. I care less about what people think than I did in my 20’s. I am more secure in who I am. Things that used to be a “big deal” just aren’t anymore. I’ve learned a few things about life and people and what lies ahead.

I hope you are already contemplating what your ‘list’ would be…and I’m going to give you a little advice:

First, if you’re not sure where to start, just ask yourself what makes your heart come alive and begin there. I don’t know what it is for you, but I’m sure you’re already thinking of something right now. Have fun with it. God did not intend for us to have miserable, going-through-the-motions lives with no adventure or pleasure. You might not end up a millionaire, but a vibrant heart is worth so much more than that. Nothing is too big and nothing is too small and NOTHING is impossible.

Second, throw EVERY expectation out the window. Throw it as far as you can into an abyss where you can never even know where it went. Unless it’s “expect the unexpected”, just let it go.

Third, refuse to listen to the cynical, the doubters, the play-it-safers, or the super-duper-spiritual folks. They will tell you every ‘practical’ reason to run, every reason it ‘can’t be God’, every reason you’ve lost your mind, every reason to wait and not go, and will even offer you appealing alternatives. They all have good intentions. They know that choosing tough things will require sacrifices that will hurt. They want to protect you…but that is not their job. Unless you’re 12 – then you need to honor your parents and read this blog again in 6 years. ☺

Fourth, never ever EVER let money be your motivator or your deterrent. If you look at your dream and don’t immediately look away because it requires money you don’t have in your bank account right now, you aren’t dreaming big enough. Some of your dreams will require HUGE faith. Some of them will just require that you get off your high-fructose-corn-syrup-butt and DO something. I have “grow something edible in the backyard” on my dreams list. This might actually require more miracles than other things on my list like auditioning for a Broadway musical or meeting the New Kids on the Block. Don’t judge me.

Fifth, a good loser makes a better winner. You are going to fall and come in 14th place and not make it and plans will fall through, but it’s all worth it. We have lied to ourselves and others by painting a picture that success comes in winning. I am telling you – something happens in the TRYING. Not only does something happen in you, but something happens in the people around you. Your kids will notice. Your friends and family will notice. They will say “if she can do that, I can do this.”

Remember that to be your authentic, God-given self in a world that is trying to make you something different is a great accomplishment. Will you fight through the fear and go for it? You WILL have to do some things afraid. Why not you? Why not now?

At the time, it didn’t necessarily make “sense” for us to move. Matt had a successful job in Georgia, and he really felt like he was finally climbing the “ladder” to where he wanted to be. We had family and friends within an hour of us. We had never lived anywhere other than the south. I was traveling doing pro-life work and could get anywhere I needed to be on a straight flight out of Atlanta. But still we wanted to be obedient to what was in our hearts.

Matt flew to Kansas City and got the first job he interviewed for. He was incredibly overqualified and would be making half of what he was making in Georgia, but we knew it was a step. We sold our house in Georgia and found a cute house in Kansas City, and 2 months after our decision to go, we moved our family halfway across the country.

It’s been a really good year…so SO challenging in many ways…but good. We have been stretched until I was sure we would pop, but we didn’t. Taking the chance to move here and seeing God’s faithfulness in it has helped us to have faith for other things in our lives. For me personally, it helped me see that I need to go easy on my expectations…with God and with others. It keeps my heart from being offended when things don’t turn out how I thought they would or how I wanted. His leadership is perfect.

The winter here has been rough. As I sit here typing this, it’s April 22nd and there’s a chance of snow flurries tonight. My husband is a PGA teaching professional which means he makes his income by spending time outside. If we sat down and calculated it, I am sure we have lost more than 2 months of income because of the weather. He moved to another job a month ago, but this job is seasonal as many of the golf jobs are here. That means that come October, Matt will be unemployed and will have to move to a warmer climate for 4-6 months.

So, after much prayer and searching, we are in the beginning stages of planning a move to Florida. It is bittersweet because we have loved our time in Kansas City. But we miss our families, we miss being close to the coast, we miss the south, and the weather in Kansas City just won’t work with Matt’s career.

My parents live in Orlando, and I grew up there. We have friends there. There is a House of Prayer there. I am excited at the thought of going “home.” I am going back to school to teach music, and there is a possibility I can be a part of the performing arts high school I went to. I can serve at Orlando Women’s Center and help women and save lives. I am ready to put roots down somewhere and be there for awhile. There are a lot of really great things ahead.

We will be sad to leave Kansas City behind. We have formed great friendships and reconnected with old friends. We have learned so much about ourselves, about God and about others. Personally, I believe that my heart has been softened and made new in many ways. I feel more peace and joy than I ever have before. I think God just needed to get me alone.

We are so grateful for everyone who has helped to make Kansas City feel like home. We are thankful for teachings about grace and love and meekness and the things we needed to make our hearts come alive again. We will recall the kindness of others and will take those things and hold them close forever.

We will continue to pray for the International House of Prayer and all of the wonderful people in Kansas City. I pray that you will all dream BIG dreams and have the courage to pursue all of the things that God has put in you. I am looking at this next season for us, and I am determined to GO, nothing doubting. I pray you all will do the same with whatever paths are ahead for you.

Blessings & Love –
The Clingers

I was going about my day today when my wife and blogger Kelly Clinger sent me a video to watch. By now, many of you have seen Toure Neblett, co-host of The Cycle on MSNBC, talk about the abortion from his past. If you haven’t seen it, here is a link:

MSNBC’s Toure: “Abortion Was There To Save Me”

Toure begins by talking about a relationship he was in 15 years ago. He says, “I was in a committed relationship with a woman I knew was not the one. She also knew it probably wasn’t going to work out…” If you are in a relationship that you KNOW isn’t going to work out, why continue to call it a committed relationship and stay in it? He goes on to say “…and then she got pregnant…” Men, hear me. This is one of the root problems of abortion: disrespectful, childish men who couldn’t truthfully admit “I know we are not going to get married, but let’s have sex and possibly conceive a child that neither of us are ready for.” Because of abortion, we act as if pregnancy is as big of a deal as getting a cold or spraining an ankle. So prideful. So cavalier. I mean God only created a HUMAN BEING in her womb from the two of you coming together as a married couple would…but hey, it was just an accident that we slept together even though we were not married and had no thoughts of being married. Lesson one for our nation: Abortion will end when BOYS can become MEN who respect women enough to not have sex with them until they are in a REAL “committed” relationship…called MARRIAGE.

“I knew that the pregnant woman and I were not going to be able to form a lasting family.” Then why have sex like a married couple, who is ready for the real commitment of a family? Talk about a picture of selfishness and cowardice.

“She decided it was best to have an abortion… and in some ways that choice saved my life.” What a weak, narcissistic response to having your child killed…that hiring a hit man to kill someone who had half of your DNA saved you. Perhaps your life isn’t yours to save? You strongly resemble Adam who did not protect Eve in the Garden. Eve’s choice caused her indescribable pain forever, and I can assure you your old girlfriend feels just as unprotected although she may not connect it to her abortion quite yet.

“I was not then smart enough or man enough to build a family and raise a child, and I would only have contributed to making a mess of three lives.” I would argue that Toure is still not smart enough or man enough to admit that he decided to KILL his son or daughter to solve the mess HE created. As Americans, we have been given a way out of dealing with our decisions in so many ways, but this is the only one that gives us the right to KILL a human being. Even science confirms that a baby is a unique person at conception.

He then goes on to give us hope to believe he has “straightened out his life” saying he met a woman, married her, and then became pregnant. Because they were married and committed to one another, it was not a “and she got pregnant”. It was a “decision to get pregnant.” He says this caused him to be joyful and go to doctor’s appointments in anticipation of his arriving baby. He does show signs of acknowledging his child as a human at a very early stage. That twinge of hope quickly leaves when he says he had to be pro-choice because it is a woman’s body and life, and she should be able to shape it in any way she deems right for her. If it were really a woman’s choice and body as to what to do with the baby in the womb, it would only need ONE strand of DNA to conceive the baby, not two. There would be no need for the father at all in the process. Of course women should have choices like all of us: where to work, where to live, who to marry, what to eat, etc….but how can we rightfully say that all THREE parties that are involved in a pregnancy are getting their fair share of choices?

“I want abortion to be legal, safe and rare, but restricting access makes it rare for the wrong reason and drives any women to self administered abortions that endanger their lives and their reproductive future.” Is anyone else tired of the “safe, legal and rare” argument? I would like to have some of the women of Silent No More speak to Toure about how they have never been able to conceive another child because of their “safe” abortion. After that, we can send him the autopsy reports from the 255+ women who have died from a “safe” abortion. Then we can show him pictures of 55 MILLION BABIES who have died because of “rare” abortions, most of which look very much like him because his own race is targeted for abortion. In New York, where Toure lives, more Black babies are aborted than born. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLY SAFE AND RARE?

“In a nation where 40% of children are born to unwed mothers…” The solution to this problem is NOT in killing our children! The solution is that MEN would turn their hearts to GOD. That they would stand up and grow up and learn from past mistakes. We must respect and honor women because they were made for one man only and we were made to protect our sisters from someone taking advantage of them.

I can’t even type out the last statement that he makes about thanking God or how abortion was there to save him. Abortion didn’t save his life. His MOM and DAD saved his life by choosing not to abort HIM. The God he thinks he is thanking for giving him a way out of a bad situation, is looking at him and hoping that he hears my words right now. Turn to God now, Toure. Repent for your part in the abortion of your child and God is faithful to forgive. Then, find healing in the fact that you are forgiven for killing an innocent baby. Join me in DC next year as a spokesperson for Silent No More and stand beside me on the steps of the Supreme Court. Speak of your regret for participating in abortion and let others know that the way to a stronger America is for us to own up to our mistakes. Let’s tell men all over America to stop being cowards and running from tough situations, but to be respectful of women and be the MEN that we were created to be.

I am praying that God will take hold of Toure’s heart wherever he might be at this moment. Jesus, would you show him who You really are…a perfect Judge who will judge him for his sin, but also a loving Savior who will save him from himself and from the sin he has committed in killing his first child. May his heart be changed and may he be filled with your conviction and turn from evil and join me and other men who are man enough to say, “I took part in the killing of my child, and I was wrong.” God, call forth post-abortive men to stand with me. Raise up their voices.

Toure, I have found forgiveness in the One who can save and take away the shame and pain of what I did. That man is Jesus Christ. “For Jesus is the way, the truth and the life and no man shall enter into the kingdom of heaven except through God’s only Son.” Remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE in what you did. I did the same thing and have found what I am praying for you to find. Won’t you join me in being a REAL MAN and be Silent No More?

~~Matt Clinger

I have talked about Goodness and Mercy in 4 times zones in the past 7 days. I have heard so many “me too” stories from post-abortive men and women that I can’t even begin to count them, and in time, they become woven into the tapestry of my life.

But staying busy can sometimes keep pain from surfacing.

Today, the guilt hit me like a ton of bricks as I was walking passed the maternity section in a department store. I was on my way to find the restroom, and as I arrived there, I couldn’t breathe.

I went into a stall and I wept.

So. much. regret. pain. anguish. grief.

I pulled myself together and met my Mom at the escalator. I didn’t want her to know. I was about to take her to the airport and didn’t want our last few hours together to be sad. She’s grieving as a grandmother of aborted grandchildren, and I really want her to have as much time as she needs to do that. This is not all about me.

I pushed my feelings to the side and went on about my evening, which included meeting a few friends for dinner.

There was a new baby girl there with her Mom.

Sweet chubby cheeks. Perfect fair skin. She looked like my babies did.

I tried to laugh with my friends. I tried to join conversations. But I couldn’t.

I got in the car & wept the entire way home.

The pain ebbs and flows. Today it flowed. Some days it takes me on a rollercoaster. Today I rode it to the depths of the valley.

It’s only because of Jesus that I never set up camp in the valley. Visiting there is a good reminder about why I do what I do. It’s for the women in the valley and the babies in heaven who have no voice. I have chosen to be their voice because God asked me to.

Healing from abortion is like peeling away the layers of an onion…only this onion has an endless number of layers. It’s like my heart shattered into a million pieces and it cannot be whole until I see Jesus face to face.

Today, I know He is near to my broken heart. I know He holds my tears. He is my only hope. And I trust that He will make everything beautiful just in time.

“There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Trouble into a door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day when I freed her from her captivity in Egypt.” Hosea 2:15

My head is still spinning from the response to my blog about late term abortions in America. When I wrote it 72 hours ago, I had NO idea that it was going to spread like a wild fire. I’ve spent the past 3 days answering emails, taking phone calls and moderating comments on my website. (I finally turned off comments because it got to be more than I could handle.) As I type this, the view count on my blog alone (which usually averages about 200 views a day) is at over 100,000 views in 36 hours. Several sites that shared this story kept crashing because the traffic was so heavy. At last count, this story has been translated into 17 different languages. I’ve been called every name in the book, although liar seems to be the most popular among those who found the truth of abortion and the picture to go with it unbelievable. It IS unbelievable…it’s also 100% true.

Some of the comments have been unnerving. Some were just mean and hateful and it was clear that there is a group that knows abortion kills a baby and they just don’t care. I decided when I first got in this fight that I would never answer attacks, and I have held myself to that decision. I love and have compassion for those who disagree with me and choose to pray instead of engage them in battle.

The majority of the responses have been ones of eyes opened. Many pro-choicers surprisingly responded with shock and horror that this was happening and said they were completely unaware. Some of them said they could no longer support abortion because of what they now know. I received hundreds of emails from post-abortive women who wanted to know how to find healing. I was contacted by Fox News and other news stations and just scheduled my 5th radio interview. Hundreds of pastors emailed to ask if they could print the blog and pass it out to their congregations on Sunday. What an answer to prayer!

I am so grateful for faithful witnesses like my friends John and Heather who were at the clinic that morning. When John posted the picture of the girl pregnant with twins, he was simply asking for prayer for her…but God obviously had greater plans in mind. The truth has resounded like a trumpet blasting through the darkness. It is a mighty weapon in the hands of a God who created and loves LIFE. John took the picture, I wrote the blog, but only God’s hand on it can explain what has happened.

As I write this, I am reminded that it was late term day again yesterday at Orlando Women’s Center. Today a truck will arrive to pick up the boxes of these viable babies that were killed. 150 babies died in America in the time it took me to write this blog. I pray that the MILLIONS whose eyes have been opened to the truth will now turn their outrage into action.

This baby was saved from abortion at Orlando Women’s Center. Because his Mom chose LIFE, she was kicked out of the house. A church in Orlando “adopted” them and are caring for Mom and baby. THAT is being the CHURCH.

Shock can’t even begin to describe my feeling when I first counseled on late term day. “These girls are SO pregnant”, I kept thinking to myself. Of course that’s silly since there’s no such thing as being a “little pregnant”, but I couldn’t get over the size of their beautiful bellies so full of LIFE. These women have felt their babies kick. Many of them even know the sex of the child and this is sometimes the reason for the abortion. These girls have carried these babies for 6 months. They are more than halfway done!

I just cried and cried. I couldn’t even speak at first. Not only is the size of their bellies overwhelming but the hardness of their hearts is just as shocking. I began to think about family members, friends, and co-workers of these girls who know they are pregnant. Is our society so lacking of accountability that they will return to their lives and no one will think this is a problem?

This past Wednesday my friend John posted a picture of a girl who arrived at OWC to abort her twin baby girls. She already had daughters and didn’t want anymore. She was about 20 weeks along, but because she was pregnant with twins, she had a BIG belly. Within a few hours, the picture went viral. I began to get phone calls & emails from friends who had no idea this was going on. Many offered financial help and MANY offered to adopt her babies. Thousands of people all of over the world were praying that this girl would change her mind…and thousands were saying the picture was a hoax or that what she was doing was illegal.

I found myself repeating over and over again, “Abortion is legal in America up to the day you give birth.” In fact, in our nation’s capital, there are 2 doctors who “specialize” in abortions this late in pregnancy. One of those doctors has been working with a suspended license for several years. The Partial Birth Abortion Ban only stopped the use of that procedure late in a woman’s pregnancy. Now, as long as the baby is dismembered BEFORE removing he or she from the womb, it’s perfectly legal. Look up the laws in your state. Keep in mind that any state that has exceptions for the health of the mother can mean that if a woman has bad heartburn that’s a threat to her health. A late term abortion starts around $2,000 and can go up to about $15,000 depending on how far along a woman is in her pregnancy.

I’ve been to the Holocaust Museum in Washington, DC. They have piles and piles of hair shaved off of Jews in the concentration camps. They have millions of pairs of shoes belonging to children who were killed simply because they were Jewish. The pictures of thousands of dead bodies piled on top of each other are shocking and appalling. At one point I decided I couldn’t look anymore. I was disgusted that this could happen without a revolution rising to overthrow a government that would accept murder as status quo.

I know it’s controversial to say this, but abortion truly is the holocaust of my generation. What if we had the bodies of 50,000,000 babies piled on top of each other in a museum somewhere? What if we took all of the clothes they will never wear and toys they will never play with and you had to pay to see them? If each of us had to watch a late term abortion, surely there would be a revolution, right?

After the Holocaust ended, German civilians were taken to Buchenwald concentration camp to see the atrocities that happened there. Over and over they were heard saying, “We didn’t know.” Now, because of the internet and social media, we have no excuse for ignorance. The hands of America are covered with blood…perhaps her eyes and ears are covered as well.

The girl I mentioned earlier ended up aborting the twin girls in her womb even though we had every kind of help she would ever need ready for her. She admitted that she didn’t want girls and that she had no compassion for the babies she was carrying. Through a 2 day process, she actually had to go into labor and deliver her sweet babies into a toilet. Abortions like these happen ALL over the country EVERYDAY. I hope that this girl’s picture made many SO outraged that they are provoked to DO something. When I spend hours on the Planned Parenthood sidewalk alone, I want to cry out “WHERE IS THE CHURCH??”

“America will not reject abortion until America SEES abortion.” ~ Father Frank Pavone

When I was asked to be a spokesperson for the Silent No More Awareness Campaign toward the end of 2010, they wanted to be sure that my immediate family knew my past before I began traveling the country talking about it. Of course my husband knew most of the details (although more things surface as time goes on), but how was I going to tell my kids that I killed two of their siblings?

My daughter was 14 and my son was 8 at the time. I didn’t want them to be disappointed in me. I didn’t want them to hate me. I didn’t want them to feel about me the way I felt about myself.

I sat the kids down on the couch and took a deep breath. I asked them if they knew what abortion was. My daughter said she had heard the word before but wasn’t sure what it was. My son was clueless. As I began to explain it, the horror was all over their faces. “How could anyone do that?” my son asked. He kept asking questions, but my daughter’s silence told me that she knew there was a reason I was talking to them about abortion.

I began to cry and said, “Mommy had two abortions 10 years ago. You have 2 siblings in heaven.”

I am crying now thinking about the shock and the disappointment on their little faces. It felt like the Mommy they knew wasn’t who they thought she was. I wonder about all of the questions that raced through their heads during those few seconds…all of the things that they may be able to articulate years from now, but can’t process in their young minds now.

My daughter scooted closer to me and threw her arms around me. “I forgive you, Mom…it’s ok”, she said. “I do too”, my son said, “and when I get older I’m NEVER going to let my wife do that.” We all cried together.

I went on to tell them about praying and asking God if the babies were boys or girls and what He would like me to name them. I told them about how God said they were both girls and we had named them Goodness and Mercy. “Like the Bible verse!” my son shouted.

That was almost 2 years ago, and they’ve heard Mommy talk about Goodness and Mercy a lot now. Anytime we hear a song with Psalm 23 in it or someone reads that scripture, my son will proudly announce, “Those are my sisters!” Abortion is a common topic around our dinner table. I joined the fight for LIFE by myself, but we now fight together as a family.

As Mother’s Day approaches, many feel the sting of loss, but along with the sting, I feel the guilt. I will have 2 Mother’s Day cards missing…my breakfast in bed will be prepared by 2 children instead of 4. There is a void that will not be filled until I see Jesus face to face, but until then my hope remains in this: “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life…”