Kelly's Superficial

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KellySuperficial — Thu, 28 Jan 2016 16:53:33 +0000

Trying a new app for posting as I shop…

Fun stuff in the People StyleWatch

KellySuperficial — Sun, 11 Jan 2015 00:40:28 +0000

Illness Musing

KellySuperficial — Wed, 07 Jan 2015 17:38:52 +0000

I’ve been sick for FOREVER! *sniffles* The latest iteration is an ear infection (what? Am I 4?) and general nausea and GI pain.

Foodies look away. The only food that is making me feel better is Campbell’s chicken noodle soup. No organic, free range nonsense. Gimme the sodium and yellow food dye, baby! Oh, and Saltines. Only the old school Premium brand with salt. No whole wheat or unsalted tops, thank you very much.

The only complaint with this salty comfort panacea is the whatthehellisthat chewy “chicken” cubes. What part of the chicken is that? Why so chewy?! Aahhhh

House of Shame

KellySuperficial — Fri, 12 Dec 2014 19:03:21 +0000

The Frug and I are prepping for a small holiday party. Nothing fancy. Drinks and food, nbd. The prepping gets the Frug all frenzied though. Certain things have to be put away so the guests can’t see them. Some make sense to me. Otis’s crate, for example. It’s huge and malodorous so it gets put in the garage. Other things have me shaking my head.

Coats. We have a coat closet and a hanging coat rack.The ones on the rack are shameful apparently and must be put elsewhere. God forbid anyone should see coats on a coat rack. I guess we should each have one coat and wear it at all times.

Shoes. There’s a small shoe rack (near the offensive coat rack) that has *gasp* shoes on it. SHAME! Those shoes must be hidden away. “No one needs to see all those shoes!” Um, okay. It’s not like they are in our entryway. They are around a corner and even under a table! Nope. Shoe shame.

In the kitchen there is so much to be ashamed of. A basket of vitamins and supplements. SHAME. The canisters for flour and sugar? Dear God, HIDE THEM! My “in basket” of misc paperwork, coupons, whatnot is so very shameful. The blender, the KitchenAid mixer, coffee grinder? Not shameful necessarily but must be hidden b/c “the countertops should be bare.”

Ooookkkkkkaaaaayyyyy.

Bare countertops are in model homes, not real houses where people actually LIVE! Aahhh

Takes me days to find all the crap that he’s stashed away. Sigh.

College Tools

KellySuperficial — Fri, 24 Oct 2014 01:06:02 +0000

Hold me.

Just went to a college fair with Sarcasmo. Did they have such things when we were in school??? Surely not. I took the PSAT and colleges sent me stuff. Boom. I grew up in PA so the natural route was “go to Penn State.” Not for me tho. I was given a 5 hour radius from the (beautiful) Poconos and I went exactly 5 hours away. DC baby. Boston was too cold. lol

Anyway, the college “process” (read in Brit voice — PRO-cess) is daunting. Especially when one has the average white boy. Good grades, not great. Not an athlete. Not creating apps in his spare time. Not volunteering with under privileged youth. No interesting character building “troubles” or “obstacles surmounted” kwim??? aaaavvveeerrrraaaagggggeeeee. Hopefully not destined for video gaming in his underwear in our basement for good.

Sigh.

Anyway.

The little tables with brochures and the ubiquitous pens gave me flashbacks to my computer trade show days. We also gave out Cadbury Eggs, back in the day. Remember those? With the disgusting white and yellow “yolk” made of sugar and lard. *shudders and yet craves too*

Was thinking of great college giveaway items for the moms, because who needs another damn pen????

Tiny portable fans for our hot flashes.

Tissues and towels (truly terrible towels) for our tears and menopausal sweat.

#sexy

Greed is an Ugly Thing

KellySuperficial — Sun, 11 May 2014 15:36:40 +0000

I consider myself to be a greedy, needy, selfish girl. #ownsit But, I saw some folks yesterday who make me look like Mother Theresa.

Went to NYC to have a Kiki with some friends. After we awoke at 11:30 (lazy whores!) we went to the nail salon, as one does. KTB went to fetch coffee and came back to tell us that it was free. FREE? I certainly like free but nothing is free, right?

Apparently, the story she was told, a man with the Coast Guard had given his platinum AmEx and said to charge everything to him. Sounds weird, right? How does a Coast Guard person have a platinum AmEx and why would he choose to do this?

I went over about 30 minutes later and it was bedlam. The line was out the door. People were grabbing pound bags of coffee and all the mugs they could carry. The store was being wiped clean. I just wanted an iced coffee (3 pumps of sugar-free caramel and room at the top for milk – a Fruggaccino), kwim? The woman in front of me was as appalled as I was at the legal looting going on. I kept looking for the cameras, someone recording the greedy side of humanity. A social experiment on greed.

We asked who the benefactor was (was he there, watching?) and if we could thank him. Nope. But they did say we could write a note to him which I did. And my new friend in line reminded me to tip the staff, since the greed patrol certainly wasn’t.

I ended up drinking my “free” coffee and feeling icky. I would never have grabbed all the coffee beans and mugs and treats, just because they were “free.” They weren’t “free.” Someone was paying. I’m still wondering “why?” Did this guy just want to buy a bunch of strangers a cup of coffee and it went horribly wrong? Why wasn’t AmEx cutting this off? It screamed “FRAUD”, right?? I was waiting for a producer to walk up getting release forms signed or something.

I guess it made me want to do something nice for someone else to “pay it forward” in some way. I doubt the Frug will authorize something on such a grand scale though. Lol

Turbulence

KellySuperficial — Fri, 09 May 2014 14:43:27 +0000

Just wondering about something. Why no seat belts on trains? I’m experiencing “turbulence” on a train right now that would have the “fasten seat belt light” glowing and the flight attendants strapped in. And yet it’s business as usual on the train. No warnings to stay seated, no seat belts.

Odd, right? Just like the no seat belts on school buses (and regular busses, for that matter.) Seems wrong.

Quick Driving Rant

KellySuperficial — Fri, 14 Jun 2013 15:20:24 +0000

So, driver’s ed. I remember it clearly. Not saying I follow all those rules/regs to a T anymore BUT i know what they are!!

I’d like to know how it’s being taught now. For example, lets discuss “proper following distance on a highway.” As I recall, PFD is “2 car lengths”…today it is “colonoscopy.”

Just drove on I66 (and it wasn’t a parking lot! Yahoo!). I was doing about 65mph. The guy behind me? Well, let’s just say he was so close to my bumper that I could see a piece of kale stuck in his teeth.

RAGE!

GET OFF MY ASS!

If I slammed on my brakes, they’d have to bury us together. With him embedded in my ass for eternity.

GROWL.

Bitch? Grumpy? Or Just Your Face?

KellySuperficial — Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:54:45 +0000

Noticing the older I get, the grumpier my face is “at rest.” The Frug will ask “What’s wrong, Cow?” and I’m like “NOTHING, it’s just my face” and thinking “Well, I’m pissed off NOW, thank you very much!” This past winter I realized that my mouth at rest is major Grumpy Cat mouth. Oh so pretty.

Seems I’m not the only one! The folks at Funny or Die have seen it too! They call it “Bitchy Resting Face”!

(Thanks to Liv Morris for this video! Can’t embed it tho. WAH!)

Bitchy Resting Face

It’s the Simple Joys in Life…

KellySuperficial — Thu, 13 Jun 2013 01:47:11 +0000

*jumpy claps*

If you know me at all, you know that I am filled with evil GLEE (it’s the best kind of glee, trust me) right now.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. First the DUI and arrest…now THIS!!!

She had to ruin it for me, just a little, by having a truly lovely pair of legs and firm ass. *sighs*

Full article over at us.com.