I’ve been SO good with working out even though-or even when- I don’t want to. I’ve found the most incredible accountability partner in my friend, Jessica… She’s so… solid. (I know she’ll read this, so there is an element of “what would I say to Jess if she wasn’t in front of me, but instead reading over my shoulder”, but nonetheless…) Jess is an incredible woman, and an incredible friend. Honest. Direct. Joyful. Compassionate without being overly emotional (I carry that card in our friendship). And she is so good at applying pressure with LOVE. We’ve been running after work 3-4 times a week, for 3 weeks, and she knows just how to keep me honest. Whether it means giving me a STERN talking to when I carelessly forgot my workout clothes, or laughing at me when I text her ridiculous photographic evidence of my working out at home, if we’ve been unable to do it together.

I’m grateful for her. It’s been the most consistent, and most regular workout streak I’ve been on (not counting dancing/choreography for shows) in probably 2 years. I’m happy, I’m already lighter, and have already felt the sting of freshly sore-ed muscles.

The down side of all these good feelings is that, I’m already starting to get a bit fearful about what’s to come.

My hubby is the KING of telling me that I’m being ridiculous for worrying about things I can’t control, and I know that. But (TMI alert) I haven’t had a cycle again, since my lupron shot. And for those of you keeping score, after my surgery, when the next cycle started, and the pain was so intense, I was literally crying out in pain and writhing on the couch sobbing… EASILY the worst endo pain of my life (which IS normal for right after surgery) that is when I decided to take the lupron in the first place. It was that bad. So, then the lupron shot happens, I get a 45 days and counting reprieve…

But I’m SO SCARED. I’m horrified of the return of my period. Literally horrified. If I think about it for too long, I’ll get all spun up and anxious. I’m convinced that worry over the unknown return of the pain was the cause of a horrible eye twitch that lasted all of Friday morning.

So, for now, I wait. I know it’s coming, and I know I’ll survive it… but I am afraid.

I’m not sure if anyone who doesn’t have endo can understand just how painful it can be. Please, trust the women and girls in your life that tell you it isn’t just a “bad cramp”… it’s desperate pain. It’s body wracking, knee to neck, pulsing, lasting pain.

I’m not surprised that in the looming shadow of impending pain, is when I decide to blog again, and in the light of bright and happy days I often forget.

But I’m glad to have the outlet, and glad to know I can come back and update you all when it comes.

© Kelsey for Kelsey Toney, 2012. | Permalink | No comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: endometriosis, friends, health, jess, lupron

In 3 easy steps.

1. Read The Fault in Our Stars. Fall in love with his book, with his characters, with his words.

2. Read wikipedia, peruse his tumblr, watch his vlogs, read his tweets, visit his websites, DFTBA.

3. Get into a (relatively small) event, and clink glasses with him, shake his hand, thank him, listen to him discuss censorship and education (a deep passion of yours, obviously), be brave and raise your hand to ask a question when he asks for Q and A, and go get the book from “step 1″ signed and personalized.

Easy peasy.

Here’s the longer version.

Seriously, guys. I went from someone who “really enjoyed Will Grayson, Will Grayson” to a full on Nerdfighter in just a few short days.

I’ll start by giving a little review of the book that kicked off this fantasm… The Fault in Our Stars. I really did enjoy WG, WG, but it wasn’t a game changer for me. It was lovely. But It was on a shelf with a dozen other contemporary YA pieces that I really liked. When TFIOS came out, and lots of my book loving friends said it was can’t miss, I was skeptical, but eventually, ventured to my local Kroger and picked up a copy. About that time, my friend, Smash and I decided we’d try to go to his event in Dallas.

Now, this event was NOT a nerdfighter/TFIOS tour/Vlogbrothers event. This was a fundraiser for the American Library Association (ALA) Freedom to Read campaign. For a small donation, Smash and I were granted access to a “cocktail hour reception, and a presentation by John on censorship” (Nothing else was promised… in fact, on twitter, he stated that he would likely be unable to sign anything due to the time constraints) Seeing as his regular events have up to 1000 people at them, those signings take HOURS. This was a 6:00-8:30 affair, having time for an hour of refreshments, 45 minutes of his speaking, and later, we were told, 45 minutes for a signing (as time would allow).

In the days leading to the event, I cracked open the book.

And I read.

And I cried.

And I laughed.

And I begged every page to never end…

But one by one, as pages do… the turned into each other, and it was over.

As I planned my imminent re-read (back to back re-reads are super rare for me), I slowly began to research who this John Green guy is, and why he has these followers, what are all of these acronyms, how does he have over a million twitter followers, WHAT is HAPPENING?

I discovered that he’s a marketing genius. He has an incredibly successful youtube channel with vlogs he makes with his brother Hank. He encourages people (young and old) to be creative, principled, and active in their communities “increasing awesome, and decreasing suck” under the banner “NERDFIGHTERS”. He is an active tweeter and tumblr, sharing lovely quotes, artwork, and other gems – NOT just promoting his own work. He and his nerdfighters plaster DFTBA all over the internet, reminding folks: “Don’t forget to be awesome.”

Basically, he’s brilliantly smart about handling his persona: public, and less public.

He even agreed to sign the ENTIRE first printing (150,000ish copies) of his novel. (He had a poll over which sharpie color to use, and signed books based on the winning percentages.) When I picked up my copy at Kroger, I managed to grab one that WASN’T signed! When I went out on Saturday, and looked on the shelves of Target, Walmart, Barnes and Noble, and even grocery stores, I found DOZENS of signed copies, in a rainbow of colors of varied rareness. (I settled on one signed in my fave color, turquoise – which apparently is rare-ish… whatever)

At this point, I was getting pretty excited.

I was clearly a fan of the book. Clearly a fan of John. Of his writing, of his creativity, of his social presence, of his ability to market himself AND his works. I was fully SQUEALING about the event of Sunday night.

Smash and I started the evening by indulging in milkshakes at Twisted Root, (which were delish) and spent time talking about how wonderfully honest and beautiful this book is. And then we were off to drive the dozen or so blocks to the Dallas Public Library.

When we got a few blocks away, stopped at a light, I turned around and looked 150 yards away to a back corner of a random lot, and LO, I saw the John Green TFIOS Tour Mobile!!!

You must understand how serendipitious this was, because honestly, it was NO WHERE NEAR the actual library. It was a sign of the aweomeness yet to come.

We took pictures, avoided a few homeless people, and were soon back on the streets, driving the rest of the way to the library.

Upon our arrival, I was overjoyed at the little nerdfighters who had already arrived. Adorned in their hand painted shirts, and lugging copies of well-loved books; they waited for John as if he were a rock star. (By my count he pretty much is a rockstar, but I digress)

A table of books was already set up, and at such a discounted price, I decided to pick up a copy of his other, most recent novel, 2008′s Paper Towns. A little more waiting, and we were among the first of the throngs of fans ready to get signed in and enter the reception.

As Smash and I are so dedicated, we were easily the first two people at the sign in table. I checked in, and entered the room.

A large meeting room had a small open bar (wine and beer!!!) and some hors d’œuvres. In the center was John Green, and 2-3 companions… THAT’S IT.

The crowds were being delayed, and I was the first one in.

I was nervous, and wanted to avoid rushing him, so I grabbed a glass of wine, and slowly made my way to his area. One of the men, from the library team, I think, smiled at me and said, “Just jump right in, it’s about to be crazy in here”. So, I did.

I walked up to his little crew, and he gave me his attention.

“Good evening! I’m Kelsey. (handshake) I want to thank you… so much, actually, for writing such an emotive and honest novel. The Fault in Our Stars was beautiful, and touched my heart in an incredible way. I am so grateful for your having written it. Cheers (WINE GLASS CLINK – He clinked with his beer bottle), thank you for being here.”

I was so glad I didn’t squeal and run around in circles or something.

He was so gracious, and thanked me for reading and for attending the event. It was a very lovely and sweet moment. I was so happy.

Right around that time Smash (who’d been wrongfully detained due to some clerical error) and about 25 others were making there way into the room. Smash had her moment, and totally chatted him up. She got lots of smiles from him. She obviously wanted a photo, but we were told that it was just logistically impossible, and that posed pictures were not an option.

We improvised:

By then, it was clear that the nearly 200 people were all wanting their turns, and he graciously gave each of them a bit of attention. Several of the youngins were asking him to sign books and other things, and he was abliging them… but I began to wonder if he was going to have a proper signing. Previously, he’d tweeted that there would not be time, and we’d been given no guarantees.

I asked one of the event helpers, and was assured that following his speech, he’d be doing a very brief signing.

In a moment of strateg-ery, I convinced Smash to come with me to snag seats near to the door, so that when it was over, we’d be among the first in line.

SUCCESS!

We had a bit more wine (one of those glasses was Smash’s by the way) and we readied for his discussion.

When he took the podium, he began to share about being banned (and nearly banned) for a scene in a book that he honestly penned thinking it’d be labeled “Christian fiction”, and how censoring library shelves is a disservice to society. He said that librarians and teachers are the people who’ve been entrusted with the JOB of deciding what and how to teach. NOT for the exclusive benefit of a parent. NOT for the exclusive benefit of one kid, but for the COLLECTIVE benefit of our society.

Keep in mind that this event was essentially for librarians, and educators (I KNOW, RIGHT!?!?!) so there were 25-50 young people, and 150-175 teachers, librarians, and literature enthusiasts. Seeing and meeting John Green is one thing. But seeing John Green talk about education (obviously an area of passion for me, as a teacher), and talk about the role of a wide spectrum of literature being available to people of all ages as a means of cultivating greater knowledge in our communities as a whole… THAT’s an entirely different level of awesome.

After he spoke, he had time for 5ish questions.

Feeling bold, I raised my hand. Once. Twice. Thrice. BAM. He called on me.

“What role or responsibility do you feel that these (gesturing to the young nerdfighters who were all gathered on the floor at his feet like story time in Sunday school) exuberant young people have in advocating for the books that they want to remain on their school library shelves?”

WORD. That would be coherent exchange with JG #2.

I got a bit of applause from the other educators and librarians in the room, and then he commented that authors have the opportunity and ability to build real relationships with their readers and encourage that kind of involvement. It was awesome.

Just about then he ran out of time, and Smash and I DASHED to the door and into the hall, where we took our places as person #1 and #2 in the signing line. He came out and took a seat.

He didn’t have a sharpie, but as a prepared signing participant, I GAVE him mine! EEEP! Smash got a myriad of books signed, which was awesome, and I had him add personalization to my turquoise signature, and asked if he’d draw an infinity symbol… (this plays on a theme in the novel) I’d hoped to ask him to draw one that was larger than the other, but his hands were causing him so much pain I couldn’t ask for more. (After signing well over 150,000 copies, his dexterity is unfortunately and understandably a bit compromised at the moment.)

One extra “Thank you” and we left him to the masses.

Honestly, he looked exhausted. Dedicated to greeting all those who came to him, but exhausted all the same. I don’t feel bad for him, being able to do what he loves and being adored by his fans, but, as one human observing another, I definitely feel sorry for that tired fella, who misses his wife and baby, and is undoubtedly longing for some time at home.

This event was incredible. Typically, these events have hundreds more people, longer lines, limited access, and a very different vibe. This event was academic, incredibly intimate, and absolutely unique.

I was so thrilled to meet him. So thrilled to THANK him for this book. THRILLED to share the evening with Smash…

And that, my friends, is how you become a John Green fangirl in just 72 short hours, and in 3 easy steps.

I must reiterate that the first step is the most important one…

Read The Fault in Our Stars… and allow yourself to be inspired.

© Kelsey for Kelsey Toney, 2012. | Permalink | 15 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: ashley, books, friends, John Green, LWL, reading, smash, TFIOS, the fault in our stars

I’ve definitely had a reduction in my depressive symptoms, and I’ve felt more like  myself. I’ve still had some hot flashes, especially at night, but I can say that I definitely feel different… in that I’m feeling more like myself.

I’ve felt more optimistic.

I’ve noticed more color in the sunrise.

I’ve enjoyed working out (walking and running!!!) with one of my best friends a few days this week.

I didn’t melt into a puddle of sadness when my Lola‘s Christmas package arrived and it made me realize how much I missed her.

I’ve laughed during rehearsals.

I’ve read the most incredible book in, practically, EVER*.

It’s been a really decent week. I’m so grateful for that.

I think this is the week I’ll bring back Life Well Lived… If you are [still?] interested in being featured, don’t hesitate to email me.

* Harry Potter is, and will always be my one true literary love. However, my slutty mistress is definitely The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. It was one of the most gorgeous, tragic, uplifting, thought provoking, heart growing books that has ever been penned… I’m sure of that. I may write a proper review, with more specific thoughts about the book, but I might not… I’m not sure yet. It’s almost too perfect to even try and gather my thoughts in one place.

© Kelsey for Kelsey Toney, 2012. | Permalink | No comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: books, endometriosis, jess, lifewelllived, lola, lupron, LWL, menopause, reading, recovery, TFIOS, the fault in our stars

I’m about 2 days from the month long time frame that the first injection was supposed to last, so maybe it’s really wearing off! That would be so incredible.

It’s been amazing to actually feel a little better, I can’t even tell you.

One thing that has contributed to my feeling of happiness, has been getting my “blue room” re-arranged, and pretty again.

I still have to hang some artwork, and get a new desk chair, but I LOVE it… We got a new queen sized guest bed for in here, and getting fresh linens on it, and re arranging my book shelves has made me super happy.

Wanna see??

© Kelsey for Kelsey Toney, 2012. | Permalink | 3 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: blue room, home

1. I stumbled upon the most remarkable thing. When I take my vitamins (A multi, a B combo, and a calcium) at night, I wake up and have a better day. I feel more energized, and I feel more balanced. I feel distinctly more capable of handling my day… even when things are tough.

I don’t know if there’s actually any science behind this, or if it is even real (placebo maybe?), but I don’t care. When I remember, I feel better the next day. So, check plus on that.

2. Tonight, when I got home, I was so crushed by fatigue. This drug has done things that I’m still, only now, discovering. My eyes are lined with baggy rings, and I’ve been riddled with feelings of despair (that I already know, and have previously discussed) and that I know are completely FALSE, and induced by these chemicals.

When I look in the mirror, it’s so strange to not see the person I recognize to be myself. Seriously, guys… the bags are so heavy, I feel like they’re pulling the skin down my face.

It makes me sad to see them.

Anyway, so, I came home, and wanted to just relax for a bit, take my mind off of everything. I tweeted some sad sack something about how horrible I’ve been feeling… and one of my friends, Julie – who doesn’t live anywhere near me, and who I’m still just getting to know, replies to ask me if there’s anything to do to make it better… And then she tells me she’s been thinking of me and has a little card to send.

That’s all it took, folks.

The days and days of forcing these baseless tears down came to a snotty end, as I lay myself down, in my bed and just wept.

It was a good weep though. I think maybe it’s not so bad to cry for no reason, as long as you know that it’s not real.

Even now, a few hours later, I still feel completely fragile.

Helpless even. In that I can’t force myself to stop feeling all of these complicated and messy feelings.

I like being in control… and I can’t control how quickly this drug will leave my system.

I’m off to get some rest, and see if I can’t undo some of these bags.

Have a great Friday!

© Kelsey for Kelsey Toney, 2012. | Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: life, lupron

If you’ve never heard of it, I can tell you, it’s like Sesame Street, but pretend that the whole gang went out to a bar after counting to 20, got completely hammered (and a little frisky) and started explaining how the world really works (complete with lots of profanity).

It’s a hilarous show, and it requires the use of puppets!!

I’m playing Lucy (The Slut) and will have to learn how to be a decent puppeteer, while singing… And those of you who know me well know that walking and chewing gum can be a challenge, sooooo, I’m sure it will take plenty of practice.

The show tackles issues like racism, one night stands, life after college, the dangers of alcohol abuse, homelessness, homosexuality, and heartbreak just to name a few. It discusses these topics with a bucket full of stereotypes, clever jokes, and a very surprising dollop of heart (not from my character, cause, she’s a total bootch, but whatevs).

I’m stoked to have to learn an entirely new skill set for this show, because I really think it will help to make the experience all the more enjoyable.

I can’t wait until we get our puppets, because I’m SO excited to “meet lucy” and develop her personalilty.

I’m also more than a little hopeful that being in this show, laughing constantly, and having something to work on will knock me out of this little funk!

© Kelsey for Kelsey Toney, 2012. | Permalink | 8 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Avenue q, lucy, musical theatre, theatre

Does anyone know that Tegan and Sara song? I love them. Way more than I probably have any reason to.

ANYWAY,

I’ve had about a million hot flashes in the past week.

It’s so freaking uncomfortable. Guhhhhhhhhh.

But more than the hot flashes, the past week has held some new challenges.

My mind has seemed like it’s not my own, not really. I’ve found myself so scatterbrained, so forgetful, so ditzy and forgetful… did I say forgetful already? I can’t remember. I’ve been so forgetful.

But more than that, I’ve been fighting this growing wave deep inside my heart. It feels like I’m using my bare hands to hold back a tsunami… But I CAN’T bring myself to let it crash. Because my conscious mind knows that there really isn’t anything wrong.

I’ve gritted my teeth and forced the stinging behind my eyes to retreat, for no other reason than I know I haven’t any reason to cry.

I’m not sad. Nothing sad is happening. I’m not lonely or disapointed. I know that the urge to cry, the feeling of sadness is being caused by the disruption to my body’s natural chemistry.

I’m beginning to long for the day when my hormones will be my own again. It is my hope that my decision to not get a second injection means that the remainder of this monthly dose will run its course and be out of my system in a few weeks.

But apparently, with Lupron, there’s no telling.

I’ve definitely managed to maintain as much of a positive attitude in the past week as is possible. That being said, I haven’t done a dedicated “this is me moving my body to increase my fitness” thing. I mean, I’ve been up, walked a lot at work, and walked some this weekend while shopping… (like when I got to my car after walking while shopping for over an hour, by leg muscles were actually twitching-whoa.) So, I guess that’s as much evidence as I could possibly need to convince me that truly, honestly, sincerely, I’ve been completely laid up for a good long while… Since before thanksgiving.

So, I plan to continue to increase my weekly walking, and before too long hopefully up the ante. For those wondering there’s no reason I couldn’t jog right now, except that it hurts the incision sites still. I have pretty intense pain at the main incision site if it gets moved too much. I’ve jogged in place a couple times, and its really painful.

Anyway, I’m still here, one step at a time, and I know that I just need to get through this period with as much patience and kindness as I can manage for myself.

© Kelsey for Kelsey Toney, 2012. | Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: endometriosis, health, lupron, menopause, recovery

I’m someone who has more than a few “hippy” tendencies and ideals. I try to live an environmentally friendly life. I prefer to use sustainable resources, and I like to minimize any impact on my body that is chemical or artificial.

The idea of entering a medically induced state of menopause, maybe 20 years early made me leery from the start. Aside from any of the potential side effects of the drug (and there are MANY), just the idea of forcing my body to do something that isn’t natural caused me a great deal of stress.

When the doctor discussed the drug with me, I was instantly anxious. It didn’t feel right to me.

Arguments that, “all medications are unnatural” or “every action you take every day has risks” didn’t offer me any comfort.

To complicate things further, I experience this horrible disease over and over, and what if this drug would allow my body to actually have reprieve?

I looked into this drug, and searched and searched to try and find out how other people’s experiences with this drug have gone; and over, and over, and over again… all I found were these horrible experiences.

And I’m not talking about the menopausal symptoms. Honestly, in this first month, none of the menopausal symptoms I’ve experienced have been deal breakers. Don’t get me wrong. Hot flashes suck. And feeling fuzzy headed isn’t the most appealing way to go through the day, but I could deal.

However, as the date for my second injection draws nearer, I continued to try and find people who had success with this drug…

Instead, all I found were people, hundreds and thousands of testimonies online of how this drug (or at least they believe it was caused by this drug) side effects like severe depression, and a complete alteration of personality traits, all manner of diseases and complications like blood disorders, weight gain, and cancer just to name a few.

There are warning groups about this drug.

I’ve had strangers contact me and say, “STAY AWAY FROM THIS DRUG. IT WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE. WHEN YOU’RE DONE, YOU’LL WISH YOU STILL JUST HAD ENDO”

Sheesh.

It was scary.

But what if those problems only occur in 3% of users??

What if those people didn’t do something right, or there was some other kind of reason.

But the more I asked, and I did present these concerns to my doctor (who I do trust, by the way) the more I realized that they just don’t have answers for my questions.

The long term effects of  the use of this drug for endometriosis just haven’t been studied. Or if it has, I certainly can’t get my hands on the data.

And on top of all that, I still have this nagging, gnawing feeling that it’s just the opposite of “ME” to put my body into menopause against it’s natural clock.

I heard rebuttals of, “Well, going on birth control to modify hormones and control periods isn’t normal either.”

You’re right. Which is part of why I’ve adamantly refused to take hormonal BC for years. I’m just not down with it. For exactly the same reasons.

I’m so horrible at making decisions. HORRIBLE. I can vacillate for WEEKS on an issue.

I’d been back and forth a hundred times since before I even had surgery, and just couldn’t decide if I wanted to do the Lupron therapy. Doc asked me to just give it a try for a month. And I agreed.

But the thing is, this first few weeks of the treatment haven’t been that bad. There haven’t been any horrible, unbearable side effects… But that STILL doesn’t mean that it’s a drug that I’m comfortable taking.

And I guess, I’ve decided that I’m not.

Not comfortable taking it after all.

I guess I reached the critical turning point when I realized that during my winter break, I had two weeks to be social and hanging out with all of the people I don’t get to see much when school is in session. I usually spend my break having lunch dates and coffees, and catching up with people. Being social. Being out. Being in town.

Being Me.

On the last day of break, I realized that I’d spent the ENTIRE break on the couch.

I’d ignored invitations from friends for coffee. I’d ignored lunch dates.

I’d been a reclusive, melancholy, tired, probably at least moderately depressed, lazy lump of a girl for two weeks.

Nothing made me want to get up or outside, and nothing made me really smile or laugh, or be excited. (Save my sweet hilarious husband, who can always make me grin.)

I think THAT was the thing that I couldn’t accept.

I’ll take the hot flashes.

I’ll take the risk of other complications.

But to take away my optimism. To take away my gregariousness… that’s something I just can’t accept.

It’s who I am.

It is the CRUX of my personality.

Having this drug in my system for a few weeks took a bit of the liveliness from my heart, and combine that with the gut feeling of hesitation… I just had to decide not to continue the therapy.

Is this risky? Am I going to make my disease worse?

Well, here’s the thing.

With estrogen in my system, the endometrial cells (or adnomeiosis cells within the uterine walls themselves-which are not removable via surgery) will continue to be fueled.

But it is my hope that the cells which my doctor WAS able to remove will lessen the pain I experience month-to-month. At least for a while.

And it is my hope that instead of altering the fundamental hormone of womanhood for 30 days a month, 365 days a year, I can use pain medication, and pain management techniques to manage the intense pain 3-5 days out of the month instead.

I may need to have another surgery at some point in the future, or I may have to go back on this therapy in the future, and I know that is possible.

But here, and now, I know that it isn’t the path I’m choosing to take. I just know it.

And I’m choosing to trust my gut on this one.

So, there probably won’t be too many reports on menopause after another month or so… but I will certainly be writing about my continual experience with this disease…

Anyone who’s actually read all of this, well, I don’t even know what to say. Just “thanks” I guess.  

<3

© Kelsey for Kelsey Toney, 2012. | Permalink | 14 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: endometriosis, health, lupron, menopause, recovery

Last year I made some “goals” I guess you’d say. I never blogged about my intention for the year, because I guess I felt it was private, but I think my decision was a great one. So good, in fact, that it’s my “resolution” this year too.

(I don’t like thinking of it as a resolution… cause I think resolutions are so rarely kept, but “intention” is a concept I can definitely get behind.)

Taking action.

That was my heart last year.

Of course, there is the literal concept of taking action physically, hopefully spurring more laps, more squats, more crunches and the like. But I wanted to turn “Action” into my life’s motto.

I, dear friends, am a lazy, lazy, lazy girl.

Daron can testify, I am seriously a lump. I can lay around for DAYS. I can spend the whole of spring break laying on the couch for 10-12 hours a day, surfing, watching tv, or reading. The need to be physically active isn’t something that I naturally crave. I almost NEVER get cabin fever. Honestly, I just don’t.

So last year, I decided that I’d look for opportunities to fight off passivity, and take action.

This meant:

-Moving my body more

-Going to auditions, even when I was horribly scared

-Keeping on top of my share of the housework

-Getting up and offering to take care of any business that needs taking care of

-Not putting off tasks that can be completed now

-Saying “Yes” to opportunities to do new things

That mentality really served me last year. Of course, it wasn’t as present in the forefront of my mind by November… and when I was in pain following surgery, I certainly wasn’t taking much action… But on the whole, it was an excellent theme.

So, this year, I want to continue it. I want to continue being someone who ACTS.

not hesitates.

not vascilates.

not fluctuates.

not procrastinates.

but acts.

I hope that my life isn’t something I observe, but is, instead, something I create.

I want to look back at my life experiences with awe and excitement, knowing that I did my part, and put myself in the best position possible to get the most out of life. I don’t think everything is in my control, but I want to know that I’ve been a participant in my own existence.

I hope you all have incredible kick off for 2012.

I’d love to know any tips, advice, or ideas you have that will help me reach my goal of taking more ACTION!

Oh! And did anyone figure out the title references?

© Kelsey for Kelsey Toney, 2012. | Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: life, newyears

When I think back on the year, I have an overwhelmingly positive feeling. That doesn’t mean that nothing bad happened, obviously… but on the whole, it was a good one…

I started my year off with the New Years Day intention setting session at my favorite yoga studio, and went to classes for 6 straight weeks. It was an incredible start to the year…

I got to perform and sing in front of hundreds of fellow actors/singers in the opening of a Dallas/Fort Worth theatre awards ceremony. It was SO fun.

Daron and I went on a snowy adventure when we had some SERIOUS snow days!!

I started the “life well lived” movement… wherein I started logging all of the incredible things in life that I’ve already done! Things that are INCREDIBLE, and that should never be taken for granted…

I studied at a song performance workshop for 6 weeks with an INCREDIBLE teacher, and learned so much that I use everytime I audition or perform.

I saw the musical “Rock of Ages” not once, but twice… and in two different STATES! It has surprised me by becoming one of my FAVORITE shows. SERIOUSLY.

Hanging on the lawn before Rock of Ages

I was cast as Maureen – a DREAM role if there ever was one in RENT – My favorite musical of all time. And I got to perform with people I now consider family…

I got to spend some time with Heather on memorial day weekend, and created an incredible hop scotch arena.

Daron and I finally got our patio cover installed and now have an incredible outdoor space that we love SO Much!!

I found grey hairs 1-8… which I’m okay with.

I celebrated 6 years of marriage with my darling hubby!!

I got to perform at a preview for the upcoming season of a local theatre company, and stretched my under developed comedy muscles…

I got early access to pottermore, which made me feel like a nerdy, nerdy gangsta.

I got a macbook pro and an ipad 2, turning myself into a pretty legit mac fangirl.

I performed at a cabaret for my friend, the author of Little Girl Blue, the Karen Carpenter biography.

I started another incredible school year at my work, the best middle school EVER.

I survived my first real surgery.

I started a band with my hubby, and we released our first EP…

I’m feeling pretty lucky right about now…
I’m alive, and I’m loved… and I love so many people.

It’s a wonderful life, y’all.

© Kelsey for Kelsey Toney, 2012. | Permalink | 4 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: life, newyears