Kelsey Toney

Tinni the Queen and other short stories.

Kelsey — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 16:16:27 +0000

Good morning, lovelies!

I’m in a good mood this morning, which rules. I am often in good moods, but sometimes they take me by surprise… like this morning. So, that’s great. haha.

Today I wanted to take a second and respond to some interesting questions I’ve had on formspring.

Do you have any recurring dreams? If so, what do you think it says about your personality? How about your unconscious hopes, fears, and desires?

I do not currently have any recurring dreams. Honestly I don’t dream all that often. I probably have a dream that I remember wisps of once every 2 to 3 weeks.

I did, however, have a recurring dream almost every night beginning the day after I lost my grandpa in 2002 for almost 3 months. That recurring dream changed my heart, and was the inspiration for the symbol that I have tattooed on my left wrist

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

I like where I live. I love our house, I love our little Dallas suburb. But I can also see myself living somewhere else.

We’ve talked about living in the southwest, either rocky mountainy or red rocky.
I’d of course love to live on/near a beach, but since the world might end and all of california might fall into the ocean, we’ll probably stay further inland. haha.

I do like the city and can imagine living there, but not for a long time… and I also like very rural settings, and can see living in a place with no people around for miles. I guess I just like living… no matter the location. As long as I’m with the one I love.

If your pet were arranging a dinner party, who do you think they would invite and what would they serve?

If Tinni and Dala were hosting a dinner party, I think it would be a great event!!
I think Tinni is a fierce Queen of the most outlandish and glamorous type. Gay, yes, I think my cat is straight up gay. (and of course I support his right to be whoever he chooses to be, and to identify as a homeowsexual if he chooses. Yes. I just typed hoMEOWsexual) bwahahaaa.

Tinni posing for a Real Simple spread (above) and Tinni saying, “Le Sigh” (below)

Actually, Tinni might be in drag for the big event. Who knows?

Sweet Dala is kinda butch, and no nonsense… she’d be the one actually holding it all together. Tinni would be crying over his salmon pate’, flailing his arms and screaming about how, "its all going to be simply RUINED, and everyone is going to HATE it, and I look totally FAT in this BALLGOWN! I knew I shouldn’t have picked red with this WRETCHED orange hair of mine. WAIILLLLLLL", so, Dala would have to make sure things went off without a hitch.
Which they would.

Tinni battling a tantrum when the cleaner ruined his favorite Jimmy Choos (above) and The elusive Dala trying to find a moment of solace in the face of constant adversity (below).

They’d serve salmon and a coq au vin, with vanilla ice cream for desert. Running water would be available for their guests, of course.

I imagine they’d invite Daron and I… cause, you know, they love us. (we’d decline, cause we know how cray cray Tinni is when he’s event planning) I think they’d also invite my mom’s new puppies Dooley and Bella, cause they’re cute.

The pope and Jesus would also be in attendance.

**If you have a question for me, you can use the form on my blog page, or to to my formspring and ask there. It is a lot of fun.

I’ll leave you with a VLOG wherein I discuss my experience 2 weeks into New Rules of Lifting for Women! Also a shout out to RUBY of Completely Delicious Life, and a response to her question from my previous post! **hi Ruby!!**

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© Kelsey for Kelsey Toney, 2010. | Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: dala, formspring, NROLFW, questions, tinni, vlog

Summer is HERE!

Kelsey — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 22:32:48 +0000

Hello friends!

As you know, I’m not into “apologizing” for not blogging… so I won’t.

But… that being said, I’ve MISSED you. I’ve missed my healthy living friends and bloggy buddies.

Isn’t it true that the first blog back from “hiatus” is always the hardest? Cause you don’t know what to say, or if you should address your absence. And sometimes I have too MUCH to say upon returning! Like, there are about 5 blogs I could write today… but I won’t. I’ll just start here, where I am, and go from there.

So, last I left off, I was doing Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, my weight dipped into the 130s for the first time, and I was overwhelmed with all of my amazing new friends.

Since then, the show has wrapped, and is, for all intents and purposes, dead and gone. It is so sad. Sad to not go be with those people every night. Sad to not wear those dresses, sad, sad, sad… But, I’ll do another show, as soon as time, and my ever patient husband will allow… bwahahahaaaa. <3

I’ve also started a weight training program called New Rules of Lifting for Women (NROLFW from here on out)

I read the book in the spring, but couldn’t commit to the program until summer, due to rehearsal schedules. So, I wasted no time, and joined a gym in my town that had a decent promotion and no contract, and I’ve been doing pretty well!

There are 2 workouts, A day and B day, and you do 3 workouts a week for 6 weeks (plus 2 bonus workouts) so, I’ve been going to the gym Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. This is my 2nd week! I already feel stronger… our bodies are so cool.

This program is about lifting and getting stronger, doing exercises with free weights mostly, and not on machines (which can cause incorrect form, because they’re not personalized and every body’s “right form” is slightly different) which makes ya feel like a badass.

I’m supplementing wither other things like walking, jogging, swimming, and WEEDING OUR EVER LOVING FLOWER BEDS on the Tuesdays and Thursdays in between, but the book warns about doing too much, and not letting muscles rebuild between weeks.

Anyway, I really miss you, and should be around more in the coming weeks.

Hope that’s ok.

Dirty Rotten Diet

Kelsey — Wed, 05 May 2010 18:08:34 +0000

Well, it happened.

There was no fanfare…

No Parade

No balloons or cake

I didn’t jump up and down.

I barely even smiled.

A year and a half ago, when I decided I wanted to get healthy, I had an unspoken goal in mind…

I wanted my weight to start with the numbers 1-3… To be in the 130s represented being in my healthy weight range for my size and body structure.

To have a weight starting with 1-3 would mean that I was at a weight that I’d not seen since 9th grade… (maybe even 8th) and sitting at 173ish lbs made it seem virtually unattainable.

But it wasn’t… and as you know, I’ve been sitting at 144 lbs since something like August of last year. Within ~2 lbs, I was 144. Unchanging, through CHRISTMAS, through plantar fasciitis, through running and not-running… I remained unchanged. 142, 144, 145, 143, FOR EVER.

Then, surprise of surprises, I was cast in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. This is a vivacious comedy, one that keeps us moving and active most of the time, including a few dance numbers. Rehearsals started, and we worked Monday-Thursday for 3 hours at a time. Then slowly rehearsals trickled to Fridays too, and got a little longer.

Somehow during this process, I found my appetite shifting a LOT. I had very little desire for breakfast, (but always made myself choke down ~350 cals worth). Lunch is usually a 100 cal veggie steamer or turkey sandwich, coming in at right around ~250, plus maybe some veggie chips ~120, and fruit. Midday snacks just left me feeling more and more nauseated, so those went out the window and have been replaced with GOBS and GOBS of water. easily 50 oz during the work day alone. Occasionally I’d have a cookie, if some kind parent left them in the break room, and I have a secret stash of dark chocolate raisinettes and Annie’s Cheddar Bunny mix… but for the most part, I’m currently eating around ~800-1000 calories before “dinner time”.

So, I come home, and know that I’m only an hour to two away from galloping around on stage for 3 hours and the last thing I want is a bowl full of turkey breast bolognese sauce on a bed of whole wheat angel hair… (a delicious meal that Daron and I enjoy weekly)

So, I resist… Now don’t yell at me. I have thus far not missed a dinner before reherasals… but I try not to eat too much because it makes me feel so sick. So, my dinners have been pretty light.

I’ve had an upset stomach for what seems like a week and a half. :-/

I do snack at rehearsal if I need a pick me up, though. A packet of Justin’s Maple Almond butter is a favorite, as well as fruit, raisins, and almonds.

But I’d be lying if I didn’t say that in the past few weeks, my activity level has gone up, in the form of rehearsals… (and spontaneous push ups bonanzas) and my calorie intake is right around ~1650-1800 a day. If I was counting.

And I’m not. Right?

Obviously. HAHA.

So… after a sinus infection a week and a half ago, and very sensitive tummy after eating ANYTHING… it happened.

I weighed in this morning at 139.4

It’s funny though. Because it almost feels like it shouldn’t/doesn’t count… Cause I haven’t been doing it on PURPOSE. I mean, yes, I know that my calorie intake has gone down, and I’ve been active…

But somehow it seems less… deserved since it hasn’t been from doing “workouts”.

Anyway… I’m sure some of you want to shank me right about now, for not relishing it… but surely someone understands how I feel a difference?

I will say it has been AMAZING to see production photos… sometimes I can’t even believe it is me… because I usually feel like I look like this:

But lately… I’m actually looking like this:

That mind/body image disconnect can be a real bitch.

So, yay me, I guess. But I’ll feel better when I actually get some muscle back.

Cheers, gang.

Flowers Just Bloom

Kelsey — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 18:15:00 +0000

Several weeks ago now, I attended a yoga class at Denton Yoga Center, and our guru, Becky was teaching us and talking with us about a topic that really resonated with me. This is something that I imagine lots of you have experienced, and I am currently being faced with on a nearly daily basis as a part of the musical I’m working on.

Let me back up a bit and talk about where I was coming from on the day that I went to class, and heard becky speak to us.

When I auditioned for this show, I just hoped to be a part of the chorus. That’s it… That would have been enough. I would have been honored and proud. As it turned out, I was chosen for a much larger role than I could have EVER expected.

You’d think I would have been overjoyed, but I wasn’t (at the time)… All that kept replaying in my head were things like:

You haven’t done a show before.

They clearly don’t know how weak your voice is.

You don’t deserve a role of this size right out of the gate.

The other cast members will never accept you.

The other people you work with are better than you.

Dozens of people could have done a better job with this role than you will.

You were only cast because of a technicality… not based on your own merits or talents.

So, to review… I was surprised, and scared, and full of self doubt.

I wanted to be proud! I wanted to celebrate… but as I got into the script and went to rehearsals, I found myself leaving at night comparing my performance to EVERYONE else’s and generally remembering only the measure in which I missed a rhythm, or the one step I forgot the first two times we danced it.

Out of several rehearsals… I only left 1 or 2 feeling good about myself. The rest, I just left feeling like a crock. I felt like I’d snuck into this club, and I was only moments from being kicked out.

OR WORSE.

Just being left to SUCK on stage, no one telling me how to make it better, disappointing my cast/crew mates, and being blacklisted from community theatre for ever. (A fate worse than death, I know.)

Several weeks ago, I went on a business trip to Austin, and my travel mates and I were hanging in the hotel room one night, and these girls both told me that they were surprised at how self-deprecating I was.

What?

Self-deprecating?

But I love myself.

Right?

I post operation beautiful notes.

Right?

I tell all of my friends how amazing they are DAILY.

Right?

I like myself, and think I’m a good person.

Right?

But the truth was out.

I am cruel to myself on the inside. Really. I have a really crazy way of managing to seem collected (sometimes), chipper (most of the time), and positive/upbeat (nearly all of the time), but in truth, I am exceptionally hard on myself.

I NEVER give myself a break. I never take it easy on myself, and I am critical of myself in almost EVERY facet of my life. While this musical theatre story gets the point accross, it is certainly not the only way that I am mean to myself in my life.

I criticize my worth as a singer, a teacher, a friend, a WIFE, and it isn’t even about words.

It’s just, setting that bar, unreasonably high… or being derailed by slight setbacks. But mostly its that ache for perfection. I want to be spot on, in what I do. And if I miss even by a little… I just feel crushed by sadness and disappointment. I don’t know WHERE or WHEN these feelings started, or WHY this self inflicted pressure is applied… but it is.

So… back to the yoga class…

Becky is a phenomenal teacher, and mentor. I learn from her during every session, and she is one of my favorite people on this planet.

She was talking about spring, and about all of the varied and beautiful shades of green that began to flood our landscapes.

She began to speak of flowers, and the amazing way in which they exist.

Flowers just bloom.

They don’t compare themselves to other blossoms.

They don’t want for more or less petals.

They don’t wish they were another color.

They don’t feel insecure if they open more quickly or slowly than another.

They don’t feel guilty if they’re more symmetrical or tall than another bud.

Flowers just bloom.

They open, and blossom. They REACH for the sun! They spread their petals, and root into the earth, and they strive only to be the most full, complete, and beautiful flower that they can be.

I just want to blossom. I just want to bloom, and feel beautiful in my own patch of earth.

I don’t want to worry about what the other flowers are wearing, or what size they are, or how high they can sing without straining, or how fit they are, or how thoughtful they are.

So, I’m working on it. Just trying to bloom…

I hope this insight is as impactful for you, as it was for me.

And I hope those of you who feel this way too (I know you’re out there) will join with me… let’s not be so hard on ourselves.

Let’s just bloom.

Things keep happening…

Kelsey — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 02:45:11 +0000

I may not tell you about it… but things definitely keep happening.

This post may be a little bullet pointy… but, it’s what I’ve got for ya.

I submitted an audition video for GLEE’s open casting call.

If you have a myspace log in, and a few minutes, please go here, and leave me some stars! There is no limit to how many you can leave.

Please go have a listen. Here is the voting link: My Glee AUDITION

2. I’ve been making a LOT of Vlogs lately. Vlogs are video blogs, and I’ve been having a ton of fun with them lately. You can visit my youtube page to see all of them, but I’ll post a couple of them here for you, too.

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3. The rehearsals for the musical are going extremely well! I’ve been working hard, dancing, memorizing, and trying desperately to do a great job.

This is one of my favorite songs… no, probably my SINGLE favorite song from the show, called Love is my Legs, and it is HILARIOUS! Mandy, who is playing Muriel in our production filmed us practicing it, and posted it. I thought I’d share it here too.

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4. We performed at the Denton Arts and Jazz festival yesterday, and it was a very… interesting experience! Lots of fun people watching… I did not perform my best, and was a little disappointed, but I honestly did the best I could, and just tried to survive it. :-\

Lots of my friends, and co-workers showed up, so it was great to see them.

I also got to meet lots of the people who are special to my new friends and castmates, which was super fun.

5. Daron competed this weekend in the Flower Mound Open! He and his partner, Jimmy took 1st place!! He made several videos and vlogs, and I’m sure he’d love it if you went over to his site, Tennis and Tunes, and checked them out. CLICK, CLICK, CLICK, CLICK!!

6. I updated my 365 photo project! So far, I’ve only totally dropped the ball, and not photographed ANYTHING 6 times, out of 115 days! So, that’s pretty good!

Please visit my flickr stream, here: to see all of the new photos…

I think that’s enough content for tonight.

xoxo.

© Kelsey for Kelsey Toney, 2010. | Permalink | 7 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: daron, DRS, glee, music, singing, tennis, vlog

The Converse Effect

Kelsey — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 18:35:37 +0000

Putting aside the invading fear that I used the wrong word… affect/effect… I’m pretty sure I’ve got a handle on this one, but ANYWAY,

I’m excited to write this blog entry.

The Converse Effect.

I love converse. Specifically, I love Converse All-Star Sneakers.

High Top.

Low Top.

Laces.

No Laces.

Black, Grey, Green, Orange.

Graffiti.

Red Satin.

Purple Satin.

These are just a FEW of the models currently in my closet. At most recent count, I think I have 15-16 pairs.

I LOVE these sneakers.

Don’t talk to me about one-stars, or rocket dogs… though they’re cute. I’m a true-blue Chuck Taylors type of girl.

I spent YEARS accumulating those shoes, in unique and discontinued colors, and was somehow PROUD of wearing them in all types of settings.

Due to the nature of my classroom, I wore them to work = Cool Teacher

I wore them with skirts and dresses = Spunky and COOL girl who doesn’t care about heels

I wore them out to dinner = Super aloof dining patron

I wore them everywhere.

I used the converse as a way to feel cool about myself, to feel edgier, or somehow going against the polished, peep-toed, lip-gloss wearing masses.

It kept me from feeling like one of them.

Then some time later… I started finding cute and quirky flats, and weird tops and accessories, and my shoe vocabulary begain to change.

Then, I got plantar fasciitis, and I started needing more stability and support in my shoes, and I LIVED in orthopedic tennis shoes and merrells for 2-3 months.

This morning, I woke up and put on my pink-polka-dotted-baa-baa-black-sheep converse, fitted with my doctor recommended inserts, and headed to work. It got me thinking.

How many times do we latch on to things, and HOLD on to things for all the wrong reasons?

I am NOTORIOUSLY bad at getting all crazy about something, obsessing about it for a period of time, then totally moving on and finding the next… OOH SHINEY!!

Hmmmm…

Knitting.

Baking.

Yoga. (though, I do still love and practice, yoga, its the 3rd incarnation of my obsession)

Reading.

Blogging my food.

Modding the H&F board.

Blogging/Writing for the Examiner.

Woot Tee Shirts. (www.shirt.woot.com - you’re welcome)

If you know me, you almost certainly have your own favorites.

So, Kelsey! What is the point!?

The point is, my husband watched a man leave this earth several days ago. He had a heart attack on the tennis court, and did not survive. He was on the tennis court.

He was not doing reports.

He was not watching Lost.

He was not organizing his receipts.

He was playing tennis… something that someone might have said, “Hey man, aren’t you getting a little old for this?”, or “why are you playing tennis… its just a local league, it isn’t like you’re going pro”, or “Shouldn’t you be home mowing the yard?”

I don’t know, its been on my mind the past few days.

I’ve got to do what makes my heart happy… and if that means twice a day blogging… fine. If it means twice a month blogging… fine.

If that means, auditioning on a whim for a musical? FINE!

If that means that I get called scatterbrained or easily distracted… so be it.

You know what ladies? (and the few random men who might read…)

You should NEVER apologize for NOT BLOGGING.

I free you! I free you of non-blogging guilt! You don’t owe me an apology if you dissapear from twitter for a few nights… you don’t owe me a damn thing.

We’ve ALL just got to do what we have to do! We need to do what makes us happy… Follow that whim! Take up that hobby!

EVEN IF its the 7th one you’ve taken up since January first… because in the end… our life is just a series of hobbies, activities, fleeting interests.

I am on a constant quest to stop caring about what other people think of me… and part of that, is doing whatever fleeting, flashing, shining thing pops in my head.

I’m singing, dancing, and acting again. I could NOT be more ecstatic about that…

My husband dominates his local USTA and recreational tennis leagues… because he LOVES it.

My Lola draws, and creates works of art, even though some people might wish she was a teacher/professor/translator or some other “straight laced” job…

Missy just decided to MAKE it happen and get into a Doctoral program!

Caitlin quit her day job to make her life into what she wanted it to be…

My mom has created her own business out of helping and guiding other people as they try to bring greater positivity into their lives.

I can think of at least half a dozen reasons why other people might have laughed at each of us… for doing something that seemed futile, or otherwise unreasonable.

I’m starting to ramble… so I’m going to cut this short, but… here is the nugget that I hope you’ll take from this blog…

I’m sure you’ve NEVER heard this before…

Life is short.

Live it.

Wear converse.

Wear heels.

Go out.

Stay home.

Be HAPPY.

Love yourself.

Love your life.

xoxo

a break in the radio silence…

Kelsey — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 02:22:30 +0000

Hey lovelies…

So, I’m not on hiatus anymore, despite my lack of blogging! haha… I just haven’t felt like writing too much.

Its weird, because I really love writing, but sometimes I’m just not into it.

I’ve been placing my attention into:

1. keeping up with my crap around the house because being in a show can be very distracting,

2. being attentive, prepared, and professional during rehearsals

3. trying to keep my kids motivated, even they can smell summer on the horizon and are WAY ready to check out.

4. making the best decisions I can, while not adding extra stress to my world.

Somewhere in there, daily blog posting, let alone reading and commenting, gets swept back.

That being said, I do have 2 posts in the works that I’m drafting now, that I’ll probably schedule to post in the next few days just so I’ll have a little word flow.

This would be the perfect time to make sure I’m in your google reader. I’ve got some really good thoughts I can’t wait to share with you.

xo my friends.

PS: This week held both a mini vlog, and a regular vlog that I posted for some twitter friends. thought you might like to see them too so here they are.

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Here I am!

Kelsey — Sat, 20 Mar 2010 22:06:10 +0000

Hello my friends!

I’m writing to tell those of you who haven’t guessed (or haven’t heard already) about the good news I teased about last week… but also to talk about how AWESOME my spring break has been!

Saturday: Daron and I went with my mom and John to see the Phantom of the Opera! Phantom is one of those classic musicals that you (or at least I) never turn down the chance to see. I guess I’ve probably seen it 5 times live.

Sunday was JUST laying around… which is always appreciated.

Monday: I was in TRUE kelsey form, and went a little crazy…

YEP! Most of you already know, and the rest of you guessed correctly… haha! I am so proud to say that I was cast in my local theatre company’s production of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels! I’ll be playing Christine Colgate… A character with SO much singing (!), Dancing (!), and shenanigans, its crazy! The cast of this production is a venerable talent show of local musical/theatre power houses. I am humbled to be a part of it.

So, back to “true kelsey form”… you know, if you know me at all that I am an absolute SPAZZ about office supplies. Markers, pens, sharpies, postits, folders, tabs, binder clips, paper clips… I love them.

A girl like me, with a giant script… it doesn’t take long for me to get it bound at kinkos, and go buy fresh color coded tabs that mark each scene, and musical number… It was the highlight of my day.

On Tuesday, I lounged around, caught up on a billion blogs, and played video games. WIN.

Wednesday, I went and got a manicure and pedicure with my dear friend Erin… followed by lunch, and a trip to the mall for purse hunt, March 2010… haha.

Thursday was LUNCH with some of the cast and crew of the SHOW! It was pretty awesome to talk with them about the production, and to have my mind put to ease when I had questions about my voice and training.

Friday, Sweet Jessica and I went out to the Allen Outlet stores, to partake in the Gap Give/Get promotion! It is 30% off of EVERYTHING, including sales and clearance items at the entire family of Gap stores (including Gap Body, Banana Republic, Old Navy… and their respective outlet stores.) I spent too much money, but it was very fun, and I got a lot of stuff I can wear this spring and summer.

Saturday, the randomass Texas weather went from 75 degrees yesterday to 35 degrees today, and so I’m staying bundled up and toasty with my hubby…

I bought New Moon earlier, so I may torture him into watching it with me later, who knows.

Tomorrow, Sunday is our FIRST rehearsal/meeting/read-through of the show, and I am positively buzzing with excitement. I’m ready to meet everyone officially, though they all already feel like close friends, and I’m ready to get started.

© Kelsey for Kelsey Toney, 2010. | Permalink | 7 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: DRS, life, music, theatre, vacation

Didja miss me?

Kelsey — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 20:35:05 +0000

Hey guys!

I won’t lie to you. I have enjoyed every day of this 1 month long-unplanned-but-appreciated-blog-hiatus-except-for-the-cross-post-of-my-guest-article-for-heather.

I mean, I love my blog, and I love blogging, but I’m so glad that it isn’t my livlihood, because sometimes, I just don’t want to talk in generic terms, fit for public consumption, about my day or my life.

I’ve been in a fine mood, and everything has been good, I’ve just felt a bit out of touch with the health and fitness community.

I’m blogging today though, so… beggers can’t be choosers! Take what you can get!

I’ve decided to start today with some photos, and a teaser.

I’ve kept up with my 365 project RELIGIOUSLY and only missed one day so far, out of 71! I have not, however been posting them here, so I offer you a recap…

**Google readers, you will need to leave the comfort of your reader to see ALL of the photos, but I will post some photographic HIGHLIGHTS of the past month here for you as a taste**

Week 6