~{{ Kennedy Tapestry }}~

hear my {heart}

2011-11-22T11:42:00.001-08:00

I thought I knew. I had researched and researched adoption for years. I read the blogs of adoptive parents. I talked to my friends who have adopted. I read blogs of adult adoptees. I thought I knew what the process would be like. I couldn't fathom what they were talking about when they said, "Let me know if you have questions. Or, if you just need to talk." C'mon, it's just paperwork, training, make a book that says everything about your family that would make birth parents choose you, and then adopt a baby. No problem.

{ahem}

Yeah. So, I love being creative, but writing this book has me all in a useless emotional heap. You can tell me all of the logical, intellectual reasons that I should just calm down and carry on, but all of your wisdom just doesn't seem to touch that part of my soul which is just overwhelmed by the enormity of the concept of what it means for all of our lives to soon collide (birth mother, baby, us....) God is so big, so good, and so knocked me to my knees. If that's uncomfortable for you to hear, then just close your ears, but please don't try to help me snap out of it. It's very apparent to me that this is a process and there's no rushing through it...

Writing our adoption profile book (that book that our child's birth mother will use to "choose" us) has been the catalyst for the emotional heap. It has taken weeks to write, re-write, and re-write. I think the hardest part is just figuring out how to articulate what is really on my heart. How do I convey it all in words and pictures? Well, today this paragraph came out of my fingertips and is one of those rare instances where I think this is just what I wanted to say. I hope that our child's birth mother hears my heart. Most importantly, I hope that someday when our child reads this book, that our child hears my heart:

To say we want to adopt because we are unable to conceive biological children most definitely does not tell the whole story for us. Both of us have known, since before we met, that adoption would be one way that we would build our family. We discussed our desire to adopt many times when we were dating and planning and dreaming of our future family. Yes, it is true that we have been infertile for many years. However, just because adoption is sequentially second on this journey of our family does not mean that it is secondary in our hearts. In fact, we feel a joy and a privilege to be on this path that so mirrors our own adoption into God’s kingdom.

Now I've got to just put this book together and somehow tell the story of two people who have been praying for this child for years, who will be the best, most imperfect parents God could have ever chosen. Until the story is told and the book is made, I'm pretty sure that no amount of intellectual reasoning for why I shouldn't be feeling this way will snap me out of it.

My deepest respect to those who have traveled this road before me and my deepest apologies for all of the stupid things I said to try to convince you that the path you were on was smooth while you standing right there in front me on the most precarious rocks just trying to stand upright and not fall apart.

Adoption Process {Update}

2011-10-22T11:38:00.000-07:00

There's LOTS to share since the last update so, let's start with "the adoption process".

Well.... first, I think I need to give a bit of a disclaimer: Our incredibly wise, talented, caring Bethany adoption training class teacher has implored us to keep a journal for our children. Since I've been documenting our family's journey on our blog (and Facebook notes) for the last six years, I'm just gonna take the liberty of warning you that this is now officially "my journal". I'll try to keep it short & relatively interesting or informative, but, as you can tell just from this one paragraph, you are choosing to subject yourself to the writings/wordiness of a self-proclaimed non-writer. The best writers know how to succinctly articulate their thoughts into a cohesive, neatly packaged, punch-packing sentences. Yeah, not me.

Anyway, on to the update: There are several stages to the adoption process with Bethany Christian Services.

Stage One: Go to an Informational Meeting. We went in June because God miraculously provided the initial funds needed to begin our Home Study.
Stage Two: Fill out the preliminary application (send in $50).
Stage Three: Preliminary application approval + Invitation to an Orientation meeting = Formal application + $550 due at the Orientation meeting (an all-day training done four times a year)
Stage Four: Leave Orientation meeting with ginormous packet of paperwork (extremely lengthy questionnaires about our individual childhoods/adulthoods, our parents' marriages, family health histories, our marriage, why we are adopting + doctor visits + drug testing + criminal background checks + psychological evaluations + financial statements + veterinary paperwork for Picasso). That is turned in with a $2000 check and then they have to review it all before deciding to go ahead with the Home Study.
Stage Five: The Home Study (begins with a $3000 check). Our first home study visit was yesterday. Our case worker took a tour of our home (our nursery is not set up and doesn't have to be... we just had to show her where the baby's room will be) and she interviewed us as a couple. Our next home study visit will be next Wednesday where she will interview us individually. The (hopefully) final Home Study visit will be when she presents us her rough draft to look over, we go over final questions, and then just wait for them to say that our Home Study is complete. During the Home Study is also when we write individual letters to our child's birthparents and prepare a "profile book" with photos and whatever else we want her to know about us to help them in their decision to choose our family in the adoption plan for their baby (I say "they" because the birth father and even birth grandparents can be involved in the adoption plan).
Stage Six: We wait. (The balance of our fee will be due when our child is placed in our home.... Side note: Another miracle ~ someone anonymously donated $1,100 to our adoption fund!!!!! We got a call from Bethany and they just said to subtract that amount from our final total. We are BLOWN AWAY! Incredible!!).

There are many more stages after that, but I don't really know what that will look like for us, so let's leave it there for now. People keep asking "How's it going?" Well, we're in Stage Five, which means we aren't "waiting" yet.

But, really, we are waiting. We've been waiting. 67 months and counting. And every single moment of waiting has had such a beautiful purpose. We look back at the tears and the pain and the joy and how God has been with us through it all and just cannot find the words to express how grateful we are. The training that we have received through Bethany and through Empowered to Connect & ShowHope has been INVALUABLE. I cannot wait to meet our baby but am also thankful for each day we have to strengthen our marriage and prepare to be parents.

As you know, we are striving to adopt with out any debt. (Thank you Julie Gummwww.juliegumm.com!) In addition to the money that God has practically dropped in our laps, we have had a fantastic Yard Sale and also become Amazon Affiliates. Just in the last month and a half, our Amazon.com affiliate link has brought in $205.13 to our adoption fund! That's just people doing their normal shopping, but using our link to shop!!!! THANK YOU for remembering our link and for passing it on and for tweeting it and for posting it to your Facebook pages! THANK YOU!!! Once our Home Study is completed, we will be able to apply for grants, plan another yard sale, and consider other fundraising options. Right now, passing along our amazon.com link is the BEST, easiest, FREE way to help us in our journey to adopt debt-free!

We'll keep you updated as we have "news". We are praying that we "begin waiting" before Christmas. That would be the best Christmas present ever!!! In the meantime, we are grateful for your prayers for us and for all of the families who are waiting for their children and for all of the families who have adopted who NEED prayer as they travel this incredible journey.

Blessings,
Rodney & Stacy

P.S. If you want to help spread the word (Christmas is coming!), just copy & paste:

Facebook Post: Help Rodney & Stacy ADOPT A BABY just by using this link when you shop Amazon! http://amzn.to/iVTHDU The site won't look any different to you, but it will make a world of difference to their family. Click. Shop. Help them Adopt!!!

Twitter Tweet: Help @SacredHope & @KennedySells ADOPT A BABY just by using this link to shop @amazon! http://amzn.to/iVTHDU #easiestfundraiserEVER!

Click on the picture to see our earnings report from 9/1-10/21 :) YAY!!!!

got {junk}? ... we'll take it off of your hands!

2011-09-03T07:00:00.000-07:00

Hello Nashville! If you happen to be doing your Spring Cleaning in the Fall over this Labor Day weekend, we would be most honored if you would set aside that old couch, those gently used clothes, that random ping pong table, all that baby stuff you don't need anymore....whatever you were going to get rid of anyway.... and let us come take if off of your hands! Just shoot us an email and we'll save you the trip to ThriftSmart! We are raising money so that we can adopt a baby DEBT-FREE! We are well on our way but would certainly appreciate your help! Our adoption fundraiser garage sale will be on Saturday, September 10th. Email us if you have items to donate or if you need directions! kennedytapestry@gmail.com

For the rest of you, we thank you for considering us when you shop amazon.com. When you use our affiliate link, a portion of your purchases go directly into our adoption fund! We are truly grateful!

must.have.{coffee}.NOW.

2011-09-02T15:00:00.000-07:00

Every morning, my husband makes and thoroughly enjoys his french vanilla or hazelnut "whatever-brand-I-could-find-on-sale" coffee with plenty of sugar and creamer... like most people do, I'm sure. It smells wonderful, but I can't see how he can even taste the coffee! I suppose I am the pickiest coffee drinker I know because I only like my morning cuppa joe very strong with no sweeteners, no creamer, just black. The only coffee I like more than Starbucks Italian VIA is pure, incredible, flavorful $30/lb 100% Kona straight from Hawaii... just slightly out of our budget...ahem! :))

Speaking of the budget... the wonderful thing about VIA is that I.love.it.... but, the bummer about VIA is that it costs almost $1 per cup of coffee. That's cheaper than going to Starbucks for my latte, but still not so economical in terms of regular ol' coffee. I try using coupons when I can, but they aren't always easy to come by.

Yesterday, I thought I would just check amazon.com to see how much it would cost there. I had to get a box of 50 (so, two months worth), but it was only .58 per packet!! Yep, my budget it tight and it took me awhile to figure out what I could cut from this month to buy two months worth of coffee, but I figured it out and am pretty darn excited to be cutting my coffee bill almost in half! Cheers!

There simply are not enough ways to express our thanks to everyone using our amazon.com affiliate link when you shop. So far this quarter, we've been able to add over $100 to our adoption fund just from people buying what they were going to buy anyway, but who took the time to enter the amazon.com website through our blog sidebar, or anything I've linked to in my posts (like the VIA above) or just by bookmarking this link: http://amzn.to/iVTHDU ...THANK YOU for remembering our family when you shop!

Adoption is not God's {Plan B}

2011-09-02T07:22:00.000-07:00

"He chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love, he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.”

Ephesians 1:46

Adoption was not Plan B in God’s mind. There was no Plan A with lots of children who never sin and never need to be redeemed. God predestined us for adoption before the creation of the world. Plan A was creation, fall, redemption, adoption so that the full range of God’s glory and mercy and grace could be known by his adopted children. Adoption was not second best. It was planned from the beginning.

In our lives, there is something uniquely precious about having children by birth. That is a good plan. There is also something different, but also uniquely precious, about adopting children. Each has its own uniqueness. Your choice to adopt children may be sequentially second. But it does not have to be secondary. It can be as precious and significant as having children by birth.

God is able to make adoption an A+ plan in our lives."

Quote from Reclaiming Adoption via Stephen Miller

an update on us... and a different kind of {fundraiser}

2011-08-26T15:00:00.000-07:00

Don't run up debts

except for the huge debt of love you owe each other.
You can't go wrong when you love others.
When you add up everything in the law code,
the sum total is love.
{Romans 13:8,10}

God has opened doors, closed doors, opened more doors and changed our charted course more than we could have possibly dreamed since we started walking along this road labelled "adoption"! When we moved to Tennessee, the "plan" was to attend the Empowered to Connect Adoption Conference in September, meet awesome people there like we did last year, choose our agency, and get the ball rolling in the Fall.

In my life especially, it always seems like God's timing is a bit (a LOT) slower than mine.... but this time, it was clear to both of us that we were ready to "start looking" for an agency at the beginning of the summer instead. We went to one Informational Meeting with Bethany Christian Services and just knew that we were in the right place. Not only do they share our faith, our values, and our purpose, but they also provide lifetime counseling to birthparents and their families. More on why we love Bethany in another post....

So, we went to a meeting in July and subsequently filled out a preliminary application. When that was accepted, we were invited to fill out the formal application for and attend their Orientation Training. We cut short our vacation two days to attend the Orientation and got another HUGE stack of paperwork, which we turned in 18 days later because that's how long it took when we did it as fast as we could! Crazy! Now we are waiting on our home study appointments. When the home study is completed (maybe by the end of this year...maybe), is when we "start waiting"...when our "profile" joins all of the others in our agency and waits for those special birthparents to choose our family for their baby.

In other words, this is the lull. I cleaned out the guest room closet and unpacked the few baby things I have and set them up in the closet (that took a couple of hours... now what?!) My prayers for our children have included prayers for their "first family" for quite some time, but now there is this depth of ache for the pain that our baby's birthparents will soon experience as they make the courageous heart-wrenching choice of adoption for their child. Right now, we wait and we pray... for all of us.

It's not like there is NOTHING to do while we wait! We also need to save a.LOT.of.money! We definitely have already been saving money for our adoption and we are continuing to be amazed as God provides exactly what we need in our adoption fund just in time for each invoice. We are committed to adopting debt-free and committed to trusting God to provide for us and for our children. I cannot say enough about the book Adopt Without Debt by Julie Gumm. Her story is truly inspirational and her book is FULL of ideas for how to raise money to pay for your adoption debt-free! Ever since I read the book, I have been selling items on ebay for a friend who is graciously sharing the profits! We are having a garage sale next month and will put that money in our adoption fund. And, we also became Amazon Affiliates.... which is where we could use YOUR help :))

Here's where you come in:)) We are also raising money for our adoption by purchases made at Amazon.com through our affiliate link. It's actually so simple, that we've found it to be QUITE confusing for some, so let me try and hit on some of the FAQ:

Here's our link: http://www.amazon.com/?linkCode=shr&camp=213733&creative=393193&tag=ke027-20 (Our "affiliate ID" is right there at the end: ke027-20)
Here's a shortened URL (still our link, but easier to share): http://amzn.to/iVTHDU
How it works: ALL you have to do is "enter" Amazon through our link. Shop to your heart's content and somehow it magically keeps track and we will receive a small portion of each purchase which then goes into our adoption fund. THAT'S IT!!! You can bookmark the link and continue going back to it whenever you shop. THAT'S IT!! As long as you enter the site through our link (or anything that I link to, like the item below in #4...), then it keeps track and you support our adoption fund by just buying what you were going to buy in the first place!
We can't see who bought what. However, we do see a list of what was purchased (thanks to whoever bought Princess "Tangled" Rapunzel Shimmer Deluxe Costume - Medium (7-8)... we made $2.29!!)

Please remember us when you shop Amazon! Also, please share our link or this blog post! Here are some ways you can copy/paste/share on your social media sites:

Facebook Post: Help Rodney & Stacy ADOPT A BABY just by using this link when you shop Amazon! http://amzn.to/iVTHDU The site won't look any different to you, but it will make a world of difference to their family! Click. Shop. Help them Adopt!!!

Twitter Tweet: Help @SacredHope & @KennedySells ADOPT A BABY just by using this link to shop @amazon! http://amzn.to/iVTHDU #easiestfundraiserEVER!

Of course, going through the Amazon sidebar here on the blog will also get you in through our affiliate link! I also have our link posted in the "Info" section of my Facebook profile :))

On a final note...according to our adoption training, I'm supposed to be journaling. I totally understand how it could be helpful to me and to our children, so I suppose that means I should be writing here more. There's no way I'll pick up a pen and a notebook, but I can type....

We'll see....

...hopefully, for the sake of the children, I'll be back sooner next time. In the meantime, thanks for sharing our link and helping us adopt when you shop! :)

if Mother's Day {isn't} for you....

2011-05-06T07:09:00.000-07:00

This is a repost, but an important reminder to the childless that you are not forgotten. And if you skip church on Sunday like I plan to, that you owe no one an explanation ... you can spend that time with God by taking a walk or having a picnic or curled up on the couch with a book all day until it's over... whatever you need to do to emotionally survive is fine, but I highly recommend spending some time writing a list of things you are grateful for. It helps.

I am praying for all of the childless {and the motherless} this weekend.... it's impossible to escape the reminders all around us of what we do not have, but we must remember that God knows our hearts and that NO one truly understands the pain but Him ~ so run into His arms with gratitude for His grace and wholehearted trust in His plan that is far greater than our own.

On my knees for you...

***********

"When Rachel saw that she wasn’t having any children for Jacob, she became jealous of her sister. She pleaded with Jacob,

'Give me children, or I’ll die!'"

~Genesis 30:1

"I often think of the Bible women who endured the pain of barrenness: Sarah, Hannah, and Elizabeth. They lived in a culture that defined their worth by the children they bore. We take comfort in their stories of faithfulness. But, infertile women long for a present-day empathetic friend who will listen and share their grief.

So this Mother’s Day, look around your church. Sitting in a chair or pew is a hurting woman who wants to celebrate the day, but is struggling with the pain of infertility. If you are a mother, it is a day to celebrate and be honored. But in your time of celebration and giving thanks to God for the blessings of your children, whisper a prayer for the other women - those with empty arms because of infertility, miscarriage, abortion, and even death. They are suffering their own private pain. Don’t offer platitudes, pity, or answers. Instead, offer yourself as a source of comfort and prayer.

Encourage your pastor to remember the women in the congregation who want to mother and see no evidence of this happening. A simple prayer or spoken word helps those who are child-free know they have not been forgotten.God sees their grief and so do we."

from "Mother's Day: A Painful Reminder of Infertility"

Why I {LOVED} the Royal Wedding

2011-04-29T10:30:00.000-07:00

I was expecting it to be magical.

I was expecting Catherine to look stunning.

I was not expecting Jesus Christ to be glorified ~ in front of how many million, billion?, watching.

WOW!

From the Royal Wedding Programme, to the reading of Romans 12: 1, 2, 9-18 by Catherine's brother, to the sermon by the Bishop of London ~ the reverence of God was undeniably central to the union of these two people.

From Romans 12:

9 Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good;

10 love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor.

11 Do not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit, serve the Lord.

12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer.

13 Contribute to the needs of the saints; extend hospitality to strangers.

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.

15Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.

16 Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly; do not claim to be wiser than you are.

17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil, but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all.

18 If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave room for the wrath of God; for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord."

20 No, "if your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink; for by doing this you will heap burning coals on their heads."

21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

From the Sermon:

Marriage is intended to be a way in which man and woman help each other to become what God meant each one to be, their deepest and truest selves.

William and Catherine, you have chosen to be married in the sight of a generous God who so loved the world that he gave himself to us in the person of Jesus Christ.

It is of course very hard to wean ourselves away from self-centredness. And people can dream of doing such a thing but the hope should be fulfilled it is necessary a solemn decision that, whatever the difficulties, we are committed to the way of generous love.

Marriage should transform, as husband and wife make one another their work of art. It is possible to transform as long as we do not harbour ambitions to reform our partner.

As the reality of God has faded from so many lives in the West, there has been a corresponding inflation of expectations that personal relations alone will supply meaning and happiness in life. This is to load our partner with too great a burden.

We are all incomplete: we all need the love which is secure, rather than oppressive, we need mutual forgiveness, to thrive.

As we move towards our partner in love, following the example of Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit is quickened within us and can increasingly fill our lives with light.

This leads to a family life which offers the best conditions in which the next generation can practise and exchange those gifts which can overcome fear and division and incubate the coming world of the Spirit, whose fruits are love and joy and peace.

We ask this in the Spirit of Jesus Christ. Amen.

To the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge:

I pray that God will richly bless your marriage,
your family, and your country.

what {wait} looks like today...

2011-03-23T07:15:00.000-07:00

Let all that I am wait quietly before God,
for my hope is in him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress where I will not be shaken.
My victory and honor come from God alone.
He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.

O my people, trust in him at all times.

Pour out your heart to him,

for God is our refuge.
{Psalm 62:5-8}

Today marks the end of Month #60. Five years. That's a LOT of one-lined pregnancy tests, a LOT of tears, a LOT of complaining, a LOT of baby shower gifts for other people, a LOT of asking God "Why?", a lot of daily decisions to trust Him no matter what or how long...

When we decided to move our family, that decision also meant that our adoption process would be stopped. We knew we would have to settle here first (who knows how long that will really take) and then start the process all over again. I cannot explain it, so I won't try, but all I can say is that deciding to trust God, to go where He was leading us, to wait LONGER, has been a decision enveloped by a peace I cannot describe.

When I explain the grief of infertility to people who, God bless them, just have no clue.... I draw a bit of a parallel to the grief my sister-in-law is feeling with my brother, her husband, deployed to Afghanistan. It's lonely. No one really understands what it's really like. People sympathize and don't want to see you hurt so they say things to either change the subject or that they hope will make you feel better because they don't know what do do with your pain. It would be so much easier for them if we could just trust Jesus and get over it already. But, what is so hard to describe is that this kind of grief just doesn't fit into a neat little box, or a book, or a blog post. My brother is very much alive, on a very important mission, but he is not in her arms. So, she grieves, but not as one who has no hope.

To draw a parallel, I am very much alive, very blessed indeed with the best husband on the planet, a fantastic family, the greatest friends.... but God created the deepest most feminine part of my being to nurture and to be someone's mother. Those whose wombs are threadless (see Psalm 139:13), know the visceral aching. So, I grieve, but not as one who has no hope.

All this to say that today, as I mark the end of Month #60, I praise God for blessing me with His peace, that surpasses all understanding. I cannot explain it, other than I believe it is the result of a daily decision and surrender and soul-deep unconditional trust that God knows the best path for our family.

I'm so grateful to be a part of a group of women who are studying the Bible together by going through Priscilla Shirer's One in a Million study. Last night on the video in Session Two, she quoted Charles Spurgeon who said that "The Wilderness is the Cambridge and Oxford of God's Kingdom." She reminds us that when God leads us through our wilderness, that its those challenges we face which allows potential to raise up in us that we didn't know we even had. At the end of the book of Job, he says "I have heard of you by the hearing of the ear; But now my eye sees you."

That is the best way to explain the peace I have this day. That my eyes see Jesus.... and that I know He sees me. He has been, He is, He will be with me in this wilderness. My prayers have been, are, and will be for God to give us a child, but the ultimate purpose of those prayers is to bring this stubborn Irish girl running to the arms of Jesus with a heart surrendered to Him, His timing, and His perfect plan for this family.

To make a long post even longer, I'm ending with a poem entitled "Wait", by Russel Kelfer (emphasis mine) and a promise to those of you who read this, and are in your own Wilderness, that I am praying for you ~ thanking God that He is with you in your Wilderness and praying that He will let you know that He sees you.

Wait
by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

Photo credit

my extreme {frugal} makeover!

2011-03-03T19:10:00.000-08:00

When we moved into our beautiful Tennessee home, one thing we quickly learned was how {small} our furnishings were since they used to have to fit in a space less than half the size of where we are blessed to live now! For the most part, that is a GREAT thing because we have uncluttered beautiful empty space with room to walk and just peaceful open space.

One thing that has been BUGGING me though is our hallway. It's LONG, which means we certainly didn't own anything nearly long enough for it. All we had were two cheap Wal-Mart berber mat-like carpets that we had to just make do with, which barely cover enough of the beautiful hardwoods to keep them protected.

I have been RESEARCHING and been so discouraged by the prices of carpet runners... the cheap ugly ones are 90 inches (which means I would need two) and at least $40. The beautiful ones, well let's not go there.

So, I saw two of these in the Clearance section at Wal-Mart and thought they actually weren't too bad.

But, they didn't have a price, so I put them in my cart and went over to the price checker thingy...

{wish I had a picture!}

Because they were just
THIRTY FOUR CENTS each!

So, Ladies & Gentlemen

I bring you my

SIXTY-EIGHT CENT

Extreme {Frugal} Makeover!!

Wish you could see it in person.

The colors are just perfect!

**********************************
Gratefulness

is the key to a happy life

that we hold in our hands,

because if we are not grateful,

then no matter how much we have

we will not be happy --

because we will always want

to have something else

or something more.

{David Steindl-Rast}

the blessing of {criticism}

2011-03-02T09:35:00.000-08:00

When criticized unfairly,

I need to remember

this doesn't begin to get at

the real sin

in my life.

{Noel Piper}

Concentrate on doing your best for God,

work you won't be ashamed of,

laying out the truth plain and simple.

Stay clear of pious talk that is only talk.

Words are not mere words, you know.

If they're not backed by a godly life,

they accumulate as poison in the soul.

{2 Timothy 2:15,16}

prayer of {redemption}

2011-02-28T12:34:00.000-08:00

the word that keeps going on in my spirit over and over and over is redemption

real redemption

the redemption that is truly beyond my human capacity,
my woundedness

all i can do right now (safely) is pray...

more of Jesus, less of me...

i am not enough
*************************

Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen

Image: prozac1 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

i am {betsy}

2011-02-25T22:31:00.000-08:00

"You cannot amputate your history

from the fulfillment of your destiny.

When I am in Jesus,

my past is something

He takes hold of

and makes it into a destiny.

That's called redemption!"

- Beth Moore

***************

I just found out tonight...

like a slap across my face

just wandering around the internet...

I am Betsy.

The thing is,

I really would take a bullet for her...

I just wish I had been better at being...

at listening...

at writing...

at acting out the love I feel for her & her family...

in a way that they felt my love...

I am just not enough...

never have been....

not even close.

I am flawed.

Grief flows fresh again tonight.

Soul-ripping grief

that never does the right thing

or says the right words

or is the right person.

I am paralyzed
by the public renunciation...

the rejection...
the cruelty.

I believe in redemption.

I believe there is more than believing:

There is living what I believe.

Lord, help my unbelief.

"The depth of sorrow

has a way of changing

the way you share your life,

your heart, your God.

It makes you want to shout

the name of Jesus

because you realize

that after all,

in the very midst of it,

He is real.

It isn't just a big book.

It's the truth,

and it has changed me.

He has used this season

to show me an image of myself,

kissing His feet while the tears slip to the ground. "

Angie Smith

the {i heart faces} cell phone contest

2011-02-22T10:43:00.000-08:00

here it is...
my most favorite iPhone Hipstamatic shot of all time...

for the {iheartfaces} photo contest this week!

...taken the day before we said good-bye
to our awesome friends in California...

you could say that Baby J is quite loved
by his Mama & his Big Sister:)
...every time i look at those eyes i just swoon....

We miss them all so much!

I thank my God every time I remember you.

In all my prayers for all of you,

I always pray with joy

because of your partnership in the gospel

from the first day until now,

being confident of this,

that he who began a good work in you

will carry it on to completion

until the day of Christ Jesus.

Philippians 1:3-6

frugally {green} ~ making the Duggars' laundry soap!

2011-02-16T13:19:00.000-08:00

Moving 2,600 miles is a big change. Huge. One of many changes we've been adjusting to is our new (very much reduced from what we felt was an already pretty small) Dave-Ramsey-Inspired BUDGET.

I'm a frugal girl. I also am a practical girl. If something costs more and the convenience outweighs the amount of effort/time that goes into saving a few pennies, then I'd rather go for the convenience. On the other hand, I also care about keeping my family healthy, reducing the harmful chemicals I bring into our home, and trying to do my little part to take care of the earth (without being a wacko).

So, as we were throwing out all of the chemicals/liquids that we weren't allowed to put on the moving truck, I remembered reading this post by MckMama about all of her tips for natural cleaning . I love the idea of buying the Goats Milk Stuff laundry detergent, but wanted to try my hand at making my own like the Duggars do! I researched researched researched and saw SO MANY great comments and blog posts about how well their soap recipe works and that an entire 5 gallon bucket-full costs TWO DOLLARS to make ~ and took me less than a half-hour of my time (seriously!)

Full Disclosure: My initial investment was about $13 (still less than the cost of the Costco stuff I used to buy) and I have most of the box of Borax, Washing Soda, and Lavender left for the next batch when I need to make it sometime in 2014. Total cost of the actual 5 gallons of detergent (*which will yield TEN gallons) I made ~ about $2.00 ~ which should last about 180 loads in our top load washer (since our poor HE washer was destroyed in the move... so so so sad!)

Supplies I had to buy:

Home Depot: 5 gallon bucket WITH LID (one blogger said this is super-important) + free stir stick ~ $2.57
Publix: Borax, Washing Soda, Fels Naptha Soap, Essential Oil of Lavender ~ about $10 Total

Supplies I had on hand:

Empty laundry detergent bottle
Cheese grater (because I don't own a food processor)
Big Saucepan
Measuring cups

Here's where I got the recipe from the Duggars (check out all of their other ginormously portioned recipes!) Below, their recipe is in red and my personal comments are in green :))

Homemade Liquid Laundry Soap- Front or top load machine- best value

4 Cups - hot tap water
1 Fels-Naptha soap bar
1 Cup - Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda*
½ Cup Borax

- Grate bar of soap and add to saucepan with water. Stir continually over medium-low heat until soap dissolves and is melted.

-Fill a 5 gallon bucket half full of hot tap water. Add melted soap, washing soda and Borax. Stir well until all powder is dissolved. Fill bucket to top with more hot water. Stir, cover and let sit overnight to thicken.

-Stir and fill a used, clean, laundry soap dispenser half full with soap and then fill rest of way with water. I stirred and stirred and stirred, but it was pretty clumpy. When I had broken up the clumps somewhat, I scooped it into a giant glass measuring cup and used a whisk to get it smooth enough to pour into the laundry detergent bottle. Shake before each use. (will gel)

-Optional: You can add 10-15 drops of essential oil per 2 gallons. Add once soap has cooled. Ideas: lavender, rosemary, tea tree oil.

-Yield: Liquid soap recipe makes 10 gallons.

-Top Load Machine- 5/8 Cup per load (Approx. 180 loads)

-Front Load Machines- ¼ Cup per load (Approx. 640 loads)

*Arm & Hammer "Super Washing Soda" - in some stores or may be purchased online. Baking Soda will not work, nor will Arm & Hammer Detergent - It must be sodium carbonate!!

I'm feeling pretty darn excited about the fact that we've completely removed all of the harsh chemicals from our laundry (I'm using vinegar for fabric softener) and our clothes look / smell just fine to me! I have seen some bloggers comment that it's hard to keep their whites looking "white" with this, so we'll see if that happens for us too.

Let me know if you dare to try it out or have any of your own frugal all-natural cleaning tips!!

i'm right {here}

2011-02-04T19:47:00.000-08:00

“Authenticity demands wholehearted living and loving—
even when it’s hard, even when it hurts,
and especially when we are wrestling with
the shame and fear of ‘not being enough.’
Mindfully practicing authenticity
during our most soul-searching struggles
is how we invite grace, joy, and gratitude into our lives.”

- Brené Brown

*******

September: Vacation to NashVegas {begged hubby to raise our kids here instead of there}

October: Got a job here / Broke the news to our beloved friends & family / Put adoption plans on hold until ... ?

November: Started my job remotely / Packed our home in California and loaded the moving truck

December: Moved in to the most beautiful home / Hated and loved the unpacking and "home making" process / Adrenaline wore off, loneliness set in, and the full impact of the move hit our marriage like a ton of bricks / Snowed in more than once / Got lost a lot

January: Settled more / Breathed / Missed our friends & family a lot / Started making new friends / Prayed together with hubby for the first time in way too long (duh!) / Snowed in again (grrrrrr!) / Still getting lost, but not as much / l.o.v.i.n.g. my new job, a LOT / completely admiring my amazing husband for starting his new business all over again, all over again

February: still missing friends and family / enjoying our new friends a LOT! / still praying for our family and for peace, patience, trust, and joy in the waiting (God is good!) ...... to be continued :~}

... and now a photo montage between then and now... and there to here...

FRUGAL ALERT!! {Prescription} Glasses 50% OFF at eyebuydirect.com!!!

2010-12-09T14:34:00.000-08:00

Ladies & Gentlemen!!! I know, I usually tell you to wait for the BOGO sales to get the best bang for your buck at eyebuydirect.com, but this deal is EVEN BETTER!!!! Right now you can buy gift vouchers so that your glasses are essentially 50% off!! So, you can get $100 gift voucher for $50, or a $40 for $20, etc....

And, I'm not sure if they allow you to use two codes in one order, but if they do, then check this out!!! To sweeten the deal even MORE, just use the coupon code IF3DR5NVSM at checkout for an EXTRA 15% off (if it works!) !!!

We buy our prescription glasses from here and I get compliments on mine all the time:)) If you have never tried this before, all you need is a photo of yourself to upload to their site (I highly recommend this, so that you can "try on") the glasses first and your prescription. No matter how many glasses you purchase, the shipping is a flat $6.95. There is simply NO comparison to their prices and the prices of prescription eyeglasses anywhere else (whether you have vision "insurance" or not!)

Happy Shopping, my Frugal Friends!
Merry Christmas!

Appealing to {Apple.com} - Restore the Manhattan Declaration App!!

2010-12-07T12:32:00.000-08:00

Earlier today I read a disturbing article by Chuck Colson in the San Francisco Chronicle about Apple.com removing the Manhattan Declaration app from their App Store because some people claim to be offended by it.

In the article, Mr. Colson rightly states:

"It was a triumph of political correctness and ad hominem attack over civil discourse. And I am saddened - and very concerned - that a pioneering company like Apple, whose products are used by untold millions to interact and communicate, chose to shut down the dialogue over one of the defining cultural issues of our time."

Today, I submitted this letter to Apple.com via their feedback system and encourage you to voice your concerns as well:

Dear Apple,

My family has been a member of the Apple Family for years. We have loved the products and unparalleled service you provide to your customers. You are a marvelous group seeking to serve the customer above and beyond.

However, I heard recently that the Manhattan Declaration app was removed because it was offensive. That app promotes values that Orthodox Christianity has espoused for centuries. I am confused and very hurt by your decision as it runs contrary to what I understand your position would be on free speech and religious freedom. How can an app be "offensive" when it is a graciously written statement of disagreement. Have you even read the Manhattan Declaration or are you simply allowing yourselves to be railroaded by loud, overpowering political activists? Because someone feels offended does not mean something in fact is offensive. That app merely differs with the political position of a group of people. Even so, there are some positions which President Obama backed in his political campaign with regard to marriage.

Whenever I see an app that I do not like, I simply choose not to install it. I believe in freedom of speech and religion as I hope that you do as well. Please reinstate the Manhattan Declaration app as a testimony to your company's belief in our country's core values and as a recognition of the validity of the support of the 500,000 people who have already signed the Manhattan Declaration.

Sincerely,
me

Please CLICK HERE to sign petition to have the app reinstated.

2010-11-25T13:07:00.000-08:00

"No distance of place
or lapse of time
can lessen the friendship
of those who are
thoroughly persuaded
of each other's worth."
{Robert Southey}

Create a digital slideshow

your {vote}

2010-11-02T08:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Friend / Acquaintance / Blog Reader of mine...

If you are an American citizen, please vote today.

I realize that most of us are part of the "moderate majority"... we just don't fit, don't WANT to fit, into the abstract extreme labels that news reporters, the media, the bloggers define... we don't want to alienate our friends by saying who we voted for because then they might brand us with those same labels, which are ridiculous and have nothing to do with who we are. We aren't extremists, and if there are just two labels to choose from, well then we'd rather just not have one at all, thank you very much.

Our blood just boils when someone starts mixing politics and religion because it's completely irrational to equate how much I love Jesus with who I voted for....

I am one of those people who loves to tell you how much I love my country, how grateful I am for the privilege of voting... who researches each candidate.... who likes to go to political rallies and hear political speeches... who writes to senators and congressmen to tell them what I think... who knows what I believe and who will work very hard to help candidates who best represent my values get into elected office.

I love my country and I want you to love it too. I want you to vote if you are a citizen because... well, imagine what your world would look like if you had no voice, no vote... imagine...

I care, deeply, about this country. I voted today because I care.

But, I care more about who you are than who you voted for.

I just wanted you to know that.

Love,
me

photo © 2008 Theresa Thompson | more info(via: Wylio)

facebook and {infertility}

2010-10-29T11:33:00.000-07:00

For the record, when my friends find out they are pregnant or are adopting, I am supremely joyful and grateful for the life they have been given ♥ Life is such a miracle ♥

This article from the Washington Post does do a great job explaining the types of things that are truly difficult to hear... namely when people complain about their pregnancy or their children... Before you complain about your pregnancy or your children on Facebook.... here's a little perspective... Something I've wanted to point out so many times but never knew how to explain it... I definitely don't suffer to the same extreme as the women in this article, but I know many women who do.

Perhaps the lesson for every one of us (even myself!) is to remember that we all have so many blessings in our lives and to be conscious about cultivating gratefulness in our lives for all that we do have ♥

{hyphenated} Americans

2010-10-15T11:51:00.000-07:00

"There is no room in this country for hyphenated Americanism.

When I refer to hyphenated Americans, I do not refer to naturalized Americans.

Some of the very best Americans I have ever known were naturalized Americans,

Americans born abroad.

But a hyphenated American is not an American at all…

The one absolutely certain way of bringing this nation to ruin,

of preventing all possibility of its continuing to be a nation at all,

would be to permit it to become a tangle of squabbling nationalities, an intricate knot of German-Americans, Irish-Americans, English-Americans, French-Americans, Scandinavian-Americans or Italian-Americans, each preserving its separate nationality, each at heart feeling more sympathy with Europeans of that nationality, than with the other citizens of the American Republic…

There is no such thing as a hyphenated American who is a good American.

The only man who is a good American is the man who is an American and nothing else."

{Franklin D. Roosevelt}

see you HERE tomorrow!

let's rally the VOTE in California!

frugal { ALERT! } ~ eyebuydirect.com BOGO !!!

2010-10-12T07:51:00.000-07:00

One of the BEST ways to save on buying eyeglasses is to get them online. I know, it does sound weird if you've never done it before, but it's certainly saved our family hundreds of dollars!

The place where we purchase our prescription glasses is eyebuydirect.com. Right now, they are having a BUY ONE GET ONE FREE sale between October 12 and October 25!! And the best part is that they have 82 frames available at $7.95!!

The way we choose our frames is by uploading our photos and "trying them on" our face first. Then, once we select our frames, we just enter in the information from our prescription.

Shipping usually takes between one and two weeks and is a flat rate of $5.95. They have a money back guarantee and will fix any problems as long as you call them right away.

Oh, and the best part, if use the coupon code IF3DR5NVSM at checkout you can get an additional 15% off of your order!!!! Let me spell it out for you numbers people out there: if you bought two single-vision frames at $7.95, your TOTAL with shipping, after the code, would be $12.71 for TWO pairs of glasses!

Now, go out there and be frugal AND fabulous! :))

{ silence }

2010-10-11T08:59:00.001-07:00

When He had heard therefore that he was sick,

He abode two days in the same place where he was.

{John 11:6 }

"Thought: Has God trusted you with a silence - a silence that is big with meaning ....

God's silences are His answers.

Think of those days of absolute silence in the home at Bethany! Is there anything analogous to those days in your life Can God trust you like that, or are you still asking for a visible answer God will give you the blessings you ask if you will not go any further without them; but His silence is the sign that He is bringing you into a marvellous understanding of Himself.

Are you mourning before God because you have not had an audible response You will find that God has trusted you in the most intimate way possible, with an absolute silence, not of despair, but of pleasure, because He saw that you could stand a bigger revelation.

If God has given you a silence, praise Him, He is bringing you into the great run of His purposes. The manifestation of the answer in time is a matter of God's sovereignty. Time is nothing to God. For a while you said - "I asked God to give me bread, and He gave me a stone." He did not, and to-day you find He gave you the bread of life.

A wonderful thing about God's silence is that the contagion of His stillness gets into you and you become perfectly confident - "I know God has heard me." His silence is the proof that He has. As long as you have the idea that God will bless you in answer to prayer, He will do it, but He will never give you the grace of silence.

If Jesus Christ is bringing you into the understanding that prayer is for the glorifying of His Father, He will give you the first sign of His intimacy - silence."

Oswald Chambers, "My Utmost for His Highest" ~ October 11

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/hl-devos-mu/~3/PW-Zusl_Cq8/utm.cgi

#Bible http://j.mp/9tIgmr

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Are We Just Remodeling {Hell} ?

2010-10-05T14:17:00.000-07:00

With her permission, I'm reposting verbatum this post by Julie Gumm who attended the Together for Adoption conference this past weekend....

"On Saturday during one of the Together for Adoption conference breakouts Tom Davis made the remark:

“Building orphanages is like remodeling hell.

That is not God’s plan.”

A small collective gasp went up from the audience. I think there were quite a few mouths open as well. I tweeted the comment and it was obvious the shock carried over into the cyberworld.

It sounds kind of wild doesn’t it? But it is so true. God’s design is not for hundreds of children to live in large institutional orphanages where rows of bunk beds line the room and paid staff dish out food and little else. Certainly not the nurturing that a mother and father can give.

Yesterday I shared Psalm 68:5 but that passage goes on to say

“God sets the lonely in families…”

Ps 68:6 God’s plan for the orphan is a family. Not an orphanage. That’s one of the reasons why I believe in and work for World Orphans. Everything we do revolves around the church, the orphan and a family. At the prevention stage our local church partners identify at-risk children and help keep them in their families by providing food, educational fees, medicines and whatever other needs there are. If the church knows that the child’s orphaning is imminent (i.e. mom is dying of AIDS) they work diligently to find extended family that will be able to care for the child. If that isn’t available then the next step is to find foster parents from within the church or place the child in the children’s home on the church property. Even that home is a family – 8-12 kids living with houseparents who give them the long term love of a mom and a dad.

The indigenous church has heard God’s cry – maybe more so than the American church. They stand ready to help the orphans of their community but they lack what we have in abundance – resources. My prayer is that the church as body will wake up and corporately decided that we are done remodeling hell, putting band-aids on wounds that need surgery.

We must help God put the lonely in families. "

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