tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4248326089392377227Mon, 28 Nov 2011 00:28:12 +0000This is a place where you can visit when having a coffee break. Check out whats going on in my crazy life and that of my fellow Kenyans (excluding Politicians)-they are not Kenyans. They belong to a species known as Political kenyaniesis.http://kenya-humour.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.com (Kenyan Humour)Blogger45125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4248326089392377227.post-1793435609915780284Sun, 30 May 2010 14:09:00 +00002010-05-30T07:53:08.189-07:00I was going to post last year's Madaraka Day's post but realized that you would catch me in my little plan. This is an undecided year - Yes and No. I thought it would be better to try to be crafty next year. I want to ape former President Moi in his gift of Prophecy and prophesy the following things concerning this Madaraka Day and probably give some suggestions that would save our future http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~3/6YKUYArN1w8/this-madaraka-day.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kenyan Humour)3<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~4/6YKUYArN1w8" height="1" width="1"/>http://kenya-humour.blogspot.com/2010/05/this-madaraka-day.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4248326089392377227.post-231817184887815027Thu, 20 May 2010 11:50:00 +00002010-05-20T06:06:28.054-07:00Life has a way of disappointing us but it seems solely interested in me, most of the time. Just when I am thinking that I have covered enough ground in many aspects of it (life), it springs a new surprise. The surprise that I had the other day was of a disease called kleptomania which, if you have read the last two columns, makes me want to sue some people because they punished me for being http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~3/qRbUMQshlK8/kleptomania.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kenyan Humour)1<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~4/qRbUMQshlK8" height="1" width="1"/>http://kenya-humour.blogspot.com/2010/05/kleptomania.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4248326089392377227.post-3277208708398716494Thu, 13 May 2010 10:22:00 +00002010-05-13T05:34:58.605-07:00I went to town the other day and swore that I will not ride in a 14-seater matatu again. This is because even though the mat is tiny and slummed, it produces music that wouldn't be played in any of our major stadia because it would blow off both the players and the audience out of the stadium. The music started to play and it is the kind of music that you can't tell whether it goes into your http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~3/M_IttJ90u_Q/going-herbal.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kenyan Humour)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~4/M_IttJ90u_Q" height="1" width="1"/>http://kenya-humour.blogspot.com/2010/05/going-herbal.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4248326089392377227.post-6998531438437060237Thu, 06 May 2010 17:33:00 +00002010-05-06T10:55:44.187-07:00SPARE THE ROD AND SPOIL A CHILD in our days meant that if you kept the rod in a cupboard and let a child run care free, he or she would get messed up and would not become a responsible citizen. Today it means that you actually keep the rod in the wall unit and take your kid out and spoil him which translates into spending money that can feed several Kenyan families for a year at some popular http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~3/P7nRnPaNEaU/spoil-or-get-spoilt.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kenyan Humour)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~4/P7nRnPaNEaU" height="1" width="1"/>http://kenya-humour.blogspot.com/2010/05/spoil-or-get-spoilt.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4248326089392377227.post-7050850730229054535Wed, 28 Apr 2010 12:53:00 +00002010-04-28T07:02:13.989-07:00Last weekend I attended a wedding and just before I settled, a friend of mine who I will call George, because that happens to be his real name, sidled up to me and asked me to write a wedding column. Suddenly I was converted from a guest to a journalist and ended up having absolutely no fun. So, George I would like you to know that you ruined my day at the wedding and I will look for a day that http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~3/c1UudgQuUuo/wedding-column.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kenyan Humour)2<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~4/c1UudgQuUuo" height="1" width="1"/>http://kenya-humour.blogspot.com/2010/04/wedding-column.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4248326089392377227.post-7529705542765904564Wed, 21 Apr 2010 11:29:00 +00002010-04-21T06:06:54.401-07:00Finally Mother Nature cracked up about being ignored and had us grounded. I could imagine her saying 'Just because they have mobile phones and the Internet they think they run the show? I will once again prove that they are not as independent of me as they have come to believe'. And so the Icelandic Volcano erupted and we, who lost our tails is it over a million years ago? were huddled at http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~3/YNqzY8I49Xs/revolution-not-evolution.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kenyan Humour)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~4/YNqzY8I49Xs" height="1" width="1"/>http://kenya-humour.blogspot.com/2010/04/revolution-not-evolution.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4248326089392377227.post-8053914216566405703Wed, 14 Apr 2010 12:37:00 +00002010-04-14T06:30:31.895-07:00A month ago, I thought that I had penned the last word on the draft constitution. Now it won't go away and it is all I have gobbled the last week and so I am spluttering it out to you my fans. This is a debate I have come to abhor because it has no fodder for Kenyan Humour - sure check the top of this blog, it is Kenyan Humour and the constitution is not funny. It is a serious almost morbid http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~3/dkFp_TYahvM/this-aint-funny.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kenyan Humour)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~4/dkFp_TYahvM" height="1" width="1"/>http://kenya-humour.blogspot.com/2010/04/this-aint-funny.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4248326089392377227.post-4680416848990476425Wed, 07 Apr 2010 11:13:00 +00002010-04-07T05:15:40.049-07:00People we have been duped! We have the worst draft constitution in the whole wide world and we are being told by experts, to quote Prof. Yash Pal Ghai, that in the circumstances it is the best which means that Kenya is in the pit and that all hope for a good constitution is lost.I sensed this hopelessness when the Periodic Selective Conformists (PSC) who are now using the euphemism Parliamentaryhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~3/XaVMuZLYAoM/no-constitution-please.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kenyan Humour)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~4/XaVMuZLYAoM" height="1" width="1"/>http://kenya-humour.blogspot.com/2010/04/no-constitution-please.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4248326089392377227.post-6839117942874458486Wed, 24 Mar 2010 10:46:00 +00002010-03-24T04:55:06.608-07:00I have a war that has been going on in my mouth for a fortnight now. This is because a section of my dental formula is tired of being treated like dirt. My teeth have decided that their primary duty is to chew food. They started protesting the other day after years of being soda openers and breakers of everything the hands couldn't and they now won't even chew a piece of bread soaked in http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~3/VC2Ci6CYLEQ/war-in-mouth.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kenyan Humour)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~4/VC2Ci6CYLEQ" height="1" width="1"/>http://kenya-humour.blogspot.com/2010/03/war-in-mouth.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4248326089392377227.post-2001282286185093918Wed, 17 Mar 2010 12:37:00 +00002010-03-17T06:40:51.814-07:00There is a woman whose grey and white matter I don't mind seeing splattered on the four walls of her living room. Oh, you think that is violent? It doesn't sound as violent when an 'endocrined' - What the hell is wrong with this computer????? Why is it putting a red line under 'endocrined'. This word originated with Mrs Esther Timberlake. Surely she can't be wrong. Forgive me . I am just on http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~3/S5x6Ib5-9P0/pushed-to-limits.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kenyan Humour)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~4/S5x6Ib5-9P0" height="1" width="1"/>http://kenya-humour.blogspot.com/2010/03/pushed-to-limits.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4248326089392377227.post-8853487040502814140Wed, 10 Mar 2010 11:15:00 +00002010-03-10T03:39:43.388-08:00I received the news of the death of Dr. Kulundu with great shock especially because I learnt about it on Monday morning in a 'mat' because we didn't have power on Sunday evening and all the other passengers looked at me as if I had just emerged from Lake Naivasha where we understand there is scarce oxygen when I gasped at as ancient history as 9pm news of the previous night. Here is a column I http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~3/J-iuuOs0dkI/tribute-to-late-hon-dr-kulundu.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kenyan Humour)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~4/J-iuuOs0dkI" height="1" width="1"/>http://kenya-humour.blogspot.com/2010/03/tribute-to-late-hon-dr-kulundu.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4248326089392377227.post-5573402562058810795Wed, 03 Mar 2010 13:05:00 +00002010-03-03T05:14:58.875-08:00I am 'PROUD TO BE KENYAN'. Really. And it is not because this adage originated with Dr. Alfred Mutua. No, I really am proud to be Kenyan. Who wouldn't be with all the democratic millions of hectares that we are enjoying compared to the tight rope we were walking a few years ago.Today, you can stagger right out of a bar with all your pockets hanging out, knees knocking while you are trying to http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~3/hBb-_FVFaQI/i-want-to-be-president_3881.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kenyan Humour)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~4/hBb-_FVFaQI" height="1" width="1"/>http://kenya-humour.blogspot.com/2010/03/i-want-to-be-president_3881.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4248326089392377227.post-1727682224987526961Wed, 17 Feb 2010 12:09:00 +00002010-02-17T05:29:59.484-08:00We are soon going to lose Alfred Mutua's 'I AM PROUD TO BE KENYAN' and be proud to be East Africans. I have been wondering whether this is good or bad. One, we shall stop fighting over Migingo island and losing sleep over whether the fish we are eating is either Ugandan or Kenyan. Second, our dressing, our food and every other thing that makes us sooooo Kenyan, like being loud mouths and rude http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~3/LHP6AXwfsc0/this-east-africa-community-thing.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kenyan Humour)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~4/LHP6AXwfsc0" height="1" width="1"/>http://kenya-humour.blogspot.com/2010/02/this-east-africa-community-thing.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4248326089392377227.post-2993261695550537266Wed, 10 Feb 2010 12:15:00 +00002010-02-10T05:17:35.080-08:00My creative juices have migrated to my legs which means that I did more wandering than thinking about this column. Since this is where I get my daily bread, and got to eat, and can't fail to post a column, I decided to join the abortion fray which I hoped would give me enough word count for a column. It did not disappoint.I'll start with a lady from the NGO world who thinks abortion is the nexthttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~3/MWINmchdvzA/joining-fray.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kenyan Humour)2<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~4/MWINmchdvzA" height="1" width="1"/>http://kenya-humour.blogspot.com/2010/02/joining-fray.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4248326089392377227.post-303859612453873973Wed, 03 Feb 2010 09:32:00 +00002010-02-03T02:14:03.272-08:00This week has been dry news wise, that is for those of us who no longer consider the constitution debate newsworthy anymore. So I got down to cleaning my house and changing the newspaper covers that have been in the cupboards since the Nyayo Era and I came across some articles which I thought that even though they are ancient history, they are still worth mentioning.I am not a proponent of http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~3/DJOHCfDllEQ/blog-post.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kenyan Humour)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~4/DJOHCfDllEQ" height="1" width="1"/>http://kenya-humour.blogspot.com/2010/02/blog-post.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4248326089392377227.post-8288642185676393042Wed, 27 Jan 2010 12:18:00 +00002010-01-27T05:06:16.970-08:00I am concerned about the rising number of hate mail that I receive every week from people complaining that I waste their time every week as they read my 'nonsensical' column on my blog, if you can imagine. The internet has jillion zillion pages and someone sits at his or her computer, stealing an employer's time, reads this nonsensical column and then writes me hate mail vividly re-writing the http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~3/qPPTQ00KmAU/advanced-mosquitology.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kenyan Humour)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~4/qPPTQ00KmAU" height="1" width="1"/>http://kenya-humour.blogspot.com/2010/01/advanced-mosquitology.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4248326089392377227.post-8314028831299384889Wed, 20 Jan 2010 11:35:00 +00002010-01-20T05:09:13.493-08:00Hon Mwakwere is an entertaining man and should this country ever need the Ministry of Entertainment we shall not need to look far for its Minister. This is a man who gets 'disappointed' when a ferry stalls and 'pleasantly surprised' when a ferry, purely by chance, belches people onto Mombasa Island or the South Coast. Speaking with a smirk on his face about the pleasant surprise of not seeing http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~3/scWzs2MSHEU/mwakweres-2010-pleasant-surprise.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kenyan Humour)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~4/scWzs2MSHEU" height="1" width="1"/>http://kenya-humour.blogspot.com/2010/01/mwakweres-2010-pleasant-surprise.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4248326089392377227.post-693437124311378376Wed, 13 Jan 2010 13:09:00 +00002010-01-13T06:24:52.992-08:00I love the apprentice show on TV and it is a high time for the TV guys to bring back the programme. At least it stimulates my brain to wholesome thinking, if you know what I am talking about. After being bombarded with local TV programs that to say the least keep me away from my box rather than glue me to it, we need something worth the while especially in a new year. I hope that those http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~3/hBiQGoTE1RI/apprentice-in-me.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kenyan Humour)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~4/hBiQGoTE1RI" height="1" width="1"/>http://kenya-humour.blogspot.com/2010/01/apprentice-in-me.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4248326089392377227.post-4104931879915186112Wed, 06 Jan 2010 09:49:00 +00002010-01-06T01:52:36.993-08:00I have these insects that have erected their nests (or what do you call insect housing?) in my bed. They have decided that they are going to eat it down from below and when I discovered how they have been slowly sawing my bed, I was not just unnerved, I became hysterical!My mind raced through the options and the first one was to call Hon. Ruto, the Minister for Agriculture. I remembered that ithttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~3/J3bTB9lG4ow/when-insects-make-you-mental.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kenyan Humour)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~4/J3bTB9lG4ow" height="1" width="1"/>http://kenya-humour.blogspot.com/2010/01/when-insects-make-you-mental.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4248326089392377227.post-5378332095206806332Thu, 24 Dec 2009 09:12:00 +00002009-12-24T01:13:14.589-08:00Christmas is here (again!) and we Kenyans will start our urban-rural age old migration. This is probably the reason our wildebeests also have an annual migration from their rural areas (Tanzania) to their urban which happens to be Kenya. It might also be that we learned migration from the wildebeests and I get afraid when people say that when societies live together, they start looking like http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~3/h3oxY3ZpXI4/it-is-christmas-alright-but.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kenyan Humour)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~4/h3oxY3ZpXI4" height="1" width="1"/>http://kenya-humour.blogspot.com/2009/12/it-is-christmas-alright-but.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4248326089392377227.post-4674560412241816914Tue, 15 Dec 2009 12:51:00 +00002010-01-06T01:56:01.211-08:00I have these insects that have erected their nests (or what do you call insect housing?) in my bed. They have decided that they are going to eat it down from below and when I discovered how they have been slowly sawing my bed, I was not just unnerved, I became hysterical!My mind raced through the options and the first one was to call Hon. Ruto, the Minister for Agriculture. I remembered that ithttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~3/4svkPExs7qM/when-insects-make-you-mental.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kenyan Humour)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~4/4svkPExs7qM" height="1" width="1"/>http://kenya-humour.blogspot.com/2009/12/when-insects-make-you-mental.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4248326089392377227.post-305002846116566076Tue, 15 Dec 2009 12:01:00 +00002009-12-15T04:47:08.355-08:00Dear Madam,I am writing this letter to you because I am distressed by your recent remarks about your Ministry not having enough reagents to test whether what is killing us is cholera or not. The way you said with an obvious nonchalance, was as if you were talking about running out of rocket fuel and not reagents that would ultimately save our lives.Let me start by pointing out that I have never http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~3/_yOrpheFoVc/open-letter-to-hon-beth-mugo.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kenyan Humour)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~4/_yOrpheFoVc" height="1" width="1"/>http://kenya-humour.blogspot.com/2009/12/open-letter-to-hon-beth-mugo.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4248326089392377227.post-2470795304980814830Mon, 14 Dec 2009 13:09:00 +00002009-12-29T23:27:56.056-08:00We are in the New Year season and as always we are coming up with all sorts of resolutions. Let me first state my opinion about New Year resolutions – they were invented by very mean sadists who wanted people to be depressed after the Christmas season. Another idea is that they could have been created by Mother Nature for stability. After peak pleasure during Christmas, the other way is down http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~3/t6raBh-uHco/hell-with-new-year-resolutions.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kenyan Humour)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~4/t6raBh-uHco" height="1" width="1"/>http://kenya-humour.blogspot.com/2009/12/hell-with-new-year-resolutions.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4248326089392377227.post-3945586698715330349Fri, 11 Dec 2009 08:34:00 +00002009-12-11T01:33:30.654-08:00The joy of writing about our national holidays is that you can always turn in the same column every year, except of course for the election year where the national holidays are converted into political rallies. So during the non-election year, the president drones on and on about the achievements of 'my government' and then realizes in the election year that his government has achieved zero and http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~3/qr38zG-TQw0/patriotism-then-and-now.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kenyan Humour)0<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~4/qr38zG-TQw0" height="1" width="1"/>http://kenya-humour.blogspot.com/2009/12/patriotism-then-and-now.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4248326089392377227.post-8097071510398896993Wed, 02 Dec 2009 09:18:00 +00002009-12-02T02:17:47.586-08:00I am suing CKJ for causing me, a citizen of a democratic country pain and suffering. And I am looking for the best lawyer in the land - one who has sat in several commissions of inquiry. This at least narrows the number to quite a few but before you raise your hands, this is a serious case with serious money. I need compensation from the clothes line for the humiliation, pain and suffering thehttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~3/qh9oABuyTaA/pain-and-suffering.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kenyan Humour)2<img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/KenyanHumour/~4/qh9oABuyTaA" height="1" width="1"/>http://kenya-humour.blogspot.com/2009/12/pain-and-suffering.html