Kernut the Blond

Border Patrol = Reno 911

Kernut — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 18:55:53 +0000

The scene: An empty two-lane highway at 8:30 pm on a Wednesday night. My car: The nice tow car previously pictured, carrying two blond-haired white people (me and the aforementioned house guest) slowly driving back to their campsite in Slab City after a day at the nearby RV park pool, hanging with sober people. (The sober part will be of significance further in the story.) Behind us: A car is tailgating. For almost 15 minutes. They could easily go around us on the empty highway. A couple...

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Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves. Allegedly.

Kernut — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 03:01:35 +0000

This post is a mish-mash of the highlights from the beginning of my new year, much of which seems like an episode of the Twilight Zone. I’m not able to post as frequently as I’d like since I’m on the road in remote locations. My internet is spotty and electrical hookups aren’t always available. That’s what boondocking is like. And you all know how I feel about the boondocking. Ladies and Gentlemen, next stop The Twilight Zone… Caution: Reality Ahead (but...

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Slab City is, umm, different. Very different. Kind of like me. Sort of.

Kernut — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 18:25:48 +0000

I don’t even know where to start. Really, I don’t. That’s partly why this post is so late in coming. Many RVers know about Slab City, some like it, some don’t, but everyone said, ‘You have to experience it at least once.’ I asked, ‘Why? What’s the attraction?’ No one could really say why, they just said it was ‘different’. Different. My readers and fellow travelers have led me to some of the most interesting places so when...

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I Thought About You Naked

Kernut — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 21:45:15 +0000

I thought about you naked. Then I put some clothes on and thought about you some more. (Right about now my parents are probably cringing and wishing I didn’t blog.) To the rest of you I recommend condoms to prevent any blogging children. (This isn’t a real post, it’s more a bit of emotional release about the holidays, inspired in part by Hiker Mike’s post. I have a real, media-intense post on Slab City coming this week. I promise.) These are my "Ho Ho Ho"...

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Guest Post: A Holiday Letter From Da Kitteh

Purrrrrfect — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 02:59:38 +0000

Oh hai internet! Dis ar teh anothr guest post frum teh kitteh. Remembr me? Sure u do! Mah hooman often talkz bout me. Im also teh co-pilot on her rv trip around teh country. I doan read maps yet, but Im lernin. (Editor’s note: The following is a holiday letter from my cat and I to the interwebs. It’s written in LOL speak, and you can find more of it plus many funny cat pictures at ICanHasCheezeburger.com. If you don’t like LOL Speak, feel free to skip this. Some of you are...

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Travels with Checkers, the RV co-pilot who can’t read maps. Yet.

Kernut — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 21:18:18 +0000

Everyone has been asking, “How is the cat doing? Does she like the RV?” It has belatedly occurred to me I should probably include Checkers, my RV co-pilot, in more of my posts. To answer your question, she likes the RV just fine. As long as it’s not moving. When it’s stationary, she spends much of the day sleeping in the puddle of sunshine streaming through the windows on to the large dash. A closeup of my co-pilot sleeping on the dash, what she does when she's not...

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There’s a pyramid in Arizona. I don’t think the Egyptians built it, but what do I know.

Kernut — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 19:31:30 +0000

Crazy dinosaur marketing schemes, lighthouses, giant golf ball houses, wayward donkeys, naked bookstore owners, and now this. A pyramid. Arizona is probably the coolest state when it comes to unique and odd attractions. I used to think I’d have to go to Egypt or Mexico to see a pyramid, but no. Arizona has a pyramid in Quartzsite. In 1856 the US Army decided it would be a good idea to bring camels over from the Middle East. Our government 150 years ago? Not exactly the sharpest knife...

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He told 700 people, ‘I just spent the night with Kernut!’

Kernut — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 22:51:28 +0000

Continuing the theme of How to Ask a Gal Out (the “Don’ts”), I now present the “Do’s”… He said, “I just spent the night with Kernut!” That was the title of his post to the singles group list of 700 people! Holy Shatner! Considering it’s been a while since anyone could claim that statement, I wasn’t sure what to think. *blink* His message to the list continued… Ok, not like THAT. (Pity) I am sitting in the airport in...

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How Not to Ask Me For a Date

Kernut — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 18:42:59 +0000

Mostly, I get wonderful, sweet and praising emails from you folks. I save them all. Sometimes the BS I get in my inbox requires a special rant. This is one of those times. Let's Play Carpenter... or not. As the Match.com Dating Chronicles and Dating Exiled Royalty attest, my love life has been nothing if not interesting. Dating still seems to me one of the strangest activities. It’s like a prolonged interview, and you don’t really know if there’s even a job for you....

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I met a naked man in Quartzsite, Arizona.

Kernut — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 18:09:44 +0000

Everyone told me “There’s a naked man in Quartzsite, Arizona. You’ve got to go there.” Well, duh! Of course I do. My friends, and folks I meet on my travels, give me some of the best tips. I love you people! They were right, as usual; he was naked except for a hat, a necklace, and a small crocheted “sock” over his privates. (‘small’ is not a comment on the size of anything other than the sock) I think there is a little satin bow on it, but I...

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Ten Things: Lessons in Boondocking

Kernut — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 05:25:29 +0000

Announcer’s voice: While we await the return of the Sacred Laptop with the Sacred Photos of naked men and Sacred Videos from Kernut’s trip, she’ll share a few tips on boondocking. Regular posts with photos will resume shortly. No posts about naked men will be missed. Ever. Ten Lessons in Boondocking, or Ten Things I Learned Camping in Slab City What is this? A “Ten Things Tuesday” post? Yeah, yeah. I know. I haven’t done one of these in a while....

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UPDATED: Woman vs. Machine x 2

Kernut — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 02:22:59 +0000

Or “The time my laptop died, and the windows let in the rain.” Believe it or not, these things are not related. Don’t worry, the post about the naked guy in Quartzsite is still coming, but there’s been a slight delay… The Sacred Laptop, holder of all photos, articles, and videos, has decided to take a vacation… just when I have a deadline for a Yahoo! News article. All 200 photos of Slab City, the town on which the article is based, are on said dead laptop,...

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London Bridge is not falling down, and there are lighthouses in Arizona, but no fog.

Kernut — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 19:49:09 +0000

The song may say otherwise, but I assure you London Bridge is not falling down. I stood on it. If it can hold me up, I’m sure it’s fine. But back in the early 1960′s the bridge was falling down, unable to hold the increase in traffic over the previous 130 years. The City of London decided to put the 130-year-old, busted-up bridge up for auction. The founder of Lake Havasu, Arizona, Robert P. McCulloch, won the bid with a cool $2,460,000 in 1968. He then spent another $7...

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A Death in Slab City

Kernut — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 22:31:00 +0000

Announcer’s voice: “We interrupt our regularly scheduled post on Lake Havasu to bring you a more pressing issue. The post on Lake Havasu will air shortly. No posts will be missed.” Slab City, California. An oasis in the desert. You won’t find Slab City, California on a Google map. A place in the middle of the southern California desert, it is not recognized by the government as a city or town. There are no sidewalks, no electrical power lines, and there’s no...

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Flying saucers, people living in a giant golf ball, praying to the God of Golf, and giant animal statues. Also? Beware of donkeys.

Kernut — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 15:24:04 +0000

A bit of randomness from western Arizona… The infamous Area 51 is in Arizona, a state where many people claim to have seen UFOs. I’ve met some of them. The people, not the UFOs. One told me there is a local support group for alien abductees. Huh? (I looked, but I could not find a link to the meetings.) To capitalize on the alien folklore by simultaneously combining themes from Area 51 and nearby Route 66, some enterprising folks came up with Area 66. It’s in a town...

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Birthplace of Route 66, the Mother Road. And I saw Pandora’s Box in the men’s room.

Kernut — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 23:46:01 +0000

Seligman, Arizona, a small rural town, is known as the birthplace of Route 66. It’s full of Route 66 memorabilia. Reportedly held notorious outlaws that they didn't teach us about in school. And the evening news is worthless as usual. Thanks for nothing, FOX. Along with a few themed restaurants and shops, there is the old Territorial Jail House from 1860. At one time it housed notorious outlaws such as Seligman Slim, Four-fingered Frank, and Carl “Curly” Bane....

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Huge phallic rocks, fertility gods, castles, and vortices. Love, Sedona.

Kernut — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 13:42:45 +0000

How can you not love a town with castles, spiritual vortices, fertility deities, and huge phallic rocks?! Sedona has everything a traveler could want. Well, travelers who like men. Ahem. Shall we start with the spiritual stuff, and work our way down? Err, I mean south. Wait, scratch that. NO, NO, don’t scratch that! Moving on… Sedona, in case you’ve never been, is known for its spiritual and metaphysical community. The town has four vortices, places where you are likely...

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Get Your Kicks On Route 66, Part One

Kernut — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 03:13:25 +0000

(cue Nat King Cole) If you ever plan to motor west, Travel my way, take the highway that is best. Get your kicks on route sixty-six. It winds from Chicago to LA, More than two-thousand miles all the way. Get your kicks on route sixty-six. Remember how I went to that dinosaur museum in St George, Utah and they didn’t have any dinosaur statues? I know why! The dinosaurs have all run away to Route 66. This is how it started... Route 66 is a long treasure-trove of the wonderful, goofy,...

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Grand Canyon North Rim, A Spiritual Experience

Kernut — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 16:20:47 +0000

This post is a slight departure from my usual. The Grand Canyon’s North Rim being one of the most beautiful places I’ve yet seen on my travels, I feel it deserves reverence. North Rim of the Grand Canyon Words can’t express the emotions that wash over you as you stand on the edge of these expansive vistas, hearing only the occasional bird and the rustle of the wind. Peace, tranquility, and serenity come to mind. But even those descriptions feel somehow incomplete. Magical?...

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Standin On A Corner In Winslow Arizona

Kernut — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 22:11:39 +0000

There is a park in Winslow, Arizona called “Standin’ On The Corner”. You know I couldn’t make this up. *cue Eagles “Take It Easy”* So I had to go and stand there. Standin' on a corner in Winslow Arizona While I was standing on the corner in Winslow, Arizona a guy oh Lord on a sweet Harley slowed down to take a look at me. And then we had dinner. True story…. It was a friend of mine from California who had called me a half hour earlier....

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