Kevin Charnas

The 11/3 Project

2009-11-07T07:08:00.000-08:00

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

The 11/3 Project

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor

Health Care Crisis

Yes, Glenn Beck and all you Beckinmaniacs, we're laughing AT you... After all, it gets rather tiresome arguing with stupid.

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How To Be An 88 Year Old Badass

2009-11-06T06:18:00.000-08:00

An 88-year-old woman has walked 10-thousand miles in memory of her late husband.

* How To Live To 100

* Three Easy Beginner Meditation Techniques (To reduce stress, bishes...)

* The Other 90% Of Your Brain

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WOO! WOO! WOO! (That's suppose to be a siren, bishes... Not because there's three of them.)

2009-11-05T07:10:00.000-08:00

New Jersey's triple threat: the Koralja triplets—Andrew, Joseph, and Robert, from left— photo by Michael S. Yamashita.

Is it me, or is this photo slightly disturbing?

* I don't know if it's the mustaches?
* That they have sirens mounted on a taxi?
* That there's three of the same person?
* Or whether it's because they're probably not wearing pants when this was taken?
* Or whether it's all the above?

When I look at it, I feel like someone just roofied me and I'm about to be upside-down with an audience... of at least three.

(Please feel free to click on photo to enlarge.)

(source)

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Chasing Pirates, Bishes...

2009-11-04T07:41:00.000-08:00

Thanks, Bubba! For this fantastic contribution... I love it. And I love her too. And her voice just makes me want to tear my pants off. She's so damn cute I can hardly STAND IT, BISHES!!

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I Thought Maine Was Pretty, But I Guess There's Nothing Upstairs...

2009-11-04T06:58:00.000-08:00

Defeat in Maine a harsh blow to gay-marriage drive

So, this video contribution comes to us from our brilliant playwright/composer correspondent, Ryan. Thanks, Ryan!

At first I felt kind of bad for the little scared black cat fella. I always have a soft spot in my heart for the under-dog. Then, I put Maine in his place, and suddenly, I found myself the bitchy one all ready to rip some serious fur... Sorry, bigotry and oppression does that to me.

(Copyright - The New Yorker)

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Día de los Muertos

2009-11-01T06:53:00.000-08:00

When I was first introduced to "Dia de los Muertos", the Mexican Day of the Dead Celebration, by Will, being still kind of a gringo from Ohio, I really wasn't sure what to make of it.

At St. Pius Catholic Church in Warren, Ohio, they had tainted the water with the thoughts that we should be afraid of skulls and skeletons, even though the last time I checked, I'm pretty sure we all have them tucked behind our facades. And if I'm not mistaken, they're actually what's holding us up, no?

Will and his Mom took me by train from Santa Barbara down to Olvera Street in Los Angeles and I fell in love with the whole thing. I. LOVED. IT. It wasn't morbid to me in the least, but rather very real and spiritually palpable.

Papel Picado Decorations: part of the Mexican Day of the Dead tradition (Do-It-Yourself) (source)

"It's not about celebrating 'Death', but celebrating LIFE."

And a bottle of Tequila brought once a year to your grave site wouldn't be so bad, would it?

Although... Now that I think of it, the last time I drank a bottle of Tequila and smoked a cigar, I tore up all the bathroom carpeting in my parent's home, barfed, came to, then wondered who tore up all the carpet and puked all over the place.

My girlfriend at the time was sitting on the side of the bathtub watching the destruction take place and when I "came to" and asked, "Who the fuck tore up all the carpet and barfed all over the place?"

She just looked at me and replied, "YOU did, you dickhead."

And so it seems, I did...

So, yeah. I'm not certain the Tequila at my grave site would be such a great idea...

But I suppose, that if I were just a skeleton, I wouldn't actually have a stomach, so thus, nothing to barf up. But, I'd still have phalanges, so in theory, I could still rip up the lining of my casket, right? But... If I were dead, would I care?

Would somebody slap me, please?

Day of the Dead mosaic by British artist Martin Cheek (source)

More than 500 years ago, when the Spanish Conquistadors landed in what is now Mexico, they encountered natives practicing a ritual that seemed to mock death.

It was a ritual the indigenous people had been practicing at least 3,000 years. A ritual the Spaniards would try unsuccessfully to eradicate.

A ritual known today as Día de los Muertos, or Day of the Dead.

The ritual is celebrated in Mexico and certain parts of the United States.

Although the ritual has since been merged with Catholic theology, it still maintains the basic principles of the Aztec ritual, such as the use of skulls.

Today, people don wooden skull masks called calacas and dance in honor of their deceased relatives. The wooden skulls are also placed on altars that are dedicated to the dead.

Sugar skulls, made with the names of the dead person on the forehead, are eaten by a relative or friend, according to Mary J. Adrade, who has written three books on the ritual.

The Aztecs and other Meso-American civilizations kept skulls as trophies and displayed them during the ritual. The skulls were used to symbolize death and rebirth.

The skulls were used to honor the dead, whom the Aztecs and other Meso-American civilizations believed came back to visit during the monthlong ritual.

Arbol de la Vida (source)

Unlike the Spaniards, who viewed death as the end of life, the natives viewed it as the continuation of life. Instead of fearing death, they embraced it. To them, life was a dream and only in death did they become truly awake.

"The pre-Hispanic people honored duality as being dynamic," said Christina Gonzalez, senior lecturer on Hispanic issues at Arizona State University. "They didn't separate death from pain, wealth from poverty like they did in Western cultures."

However, the Spaniards considered the ritual to be sacrilegious. They perceived the indigenous people to be barbaric and pagan.

In their attempts to convert them to Catholicism, the Spaniards tried to kill the ritual.

Artist: Patrick Murillo (source)

But like the old Aztec spirits, the ritual refused to die.

To make the ritual more Christian, the Spaniards moved it so it coincided with All Saints' Day and All Souls' Day (Nov. 1 and 2), which is when it is celebrated today. (read more)

UNA COPA MAS by Robert Pace Kidd (source)

So, let us celebrate continuation and eternal life... the best for last...

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'CAUSE THIS IS THRILLER, BISHES!! dang...

2009-10-31T12:41:00.000-07:00

And now, it's classic.

The only part of this video I could do without is when Michael is eating popcorn with his mouth open in the theater. It makes me want to slap the geri curl right off his head.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN, ALL YOU CRAZY, MUMMIFIED BISHES!

MMUUWWAA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAA!!!!

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AND NOW WE MASH!! MMUUWAHA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!

2009-10-31T08:48:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween, all you Monsters out there!

RAH! RAH! SIS-BOOM-BAA!! TEAR OFF YOUR PANTIES, RIP OFF YOUR BRA!! IT'S TIME TO MASH, MY LOVELY CREATURES... MASH, I SAY!!!

MUUWWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

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What's Yours?

2009-10-31T08:41:00.000-07:00

(Copyright - The New Yorker)

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"We Believe That Art Can Change Lives" - CPT "And It Does..." - Kevin Charnas

2009-10-29T08:12:00.001-07:00

So, back in August, I was fortunate enough to be hired by Cleveland Public Theatre via Independent Contract as an assistant director/writer/artist collaborator for a special project that they run.

Introducing The Y-Haven Theatre Project.

We were in development for a while, then rehearsals and now we've been on the "tour" for a week. Last week's performances were at Y-Haven itself and this week began with a performance at the Juvenile Detention Center last night.

You may remember, me previously talking about my great admiration for Cleveland Public Theatre and their work. I knew that it was a fantastic program for the men in recovery. But, selfishly, it's been an unbelievable, enriching experience for me. A great reminder of how much I don't know about life and the people in it. One that I hoped would be rewarding, but I don't think I realized the magnitude of the emotional energy I would put into the project or into being a part of these men's lives for almost 3 months.

I'm certain that what I'll take away from the experience will far out-weigh what I'm putting into it, but currently being in the midst of it, I need some time to let things percolate before I'm able to express myself thoroughly.

So, until that time, The Story of Baby20

HOMELESS MEN IN TRANSITION
CREATE A NEW THEATRE PIECE
BASED ON THEIR JOURNEYS TOWARD RECOVERY
NOVEMBER 5 - 8, 2009
Performances are FREE and open to the public (Suggested $5 donation to support the project.)

Cleveland Public Theatre and Y-Haven present
The Story of Baby20
Cleveland Public Theatre's Education Department and the Cleveland YMCA's Y-Haven Program present The Story of Baby20, the 2009 CPT/Y-Haven Theatre Project.

For the tenth year in a row, CPT, Cleveland's leading alternative theatre, and Y-Haven, YMCA's transitional housing center for homeless men in recovery from drug and alcohol addiction, have collaborated to create this original performance. CPT Artists work with residents of Y-Haven to create an original play performed by the residents and based on their personal experiences. This year's production is guided by Director Denis Griesmer and Writer Kevin Charnas (that's me, bishes).

About the play: Once there was an old man named Tom and one evening outside his door he found a baby. Thus begins The Story of Baby20. Tom is compelled to follow the instructions on a note pinned on the baby, "Return to Owner." He begins a journey across the city and through his memory; a quest that forces him to remember things about his past he'd long since made himself forget. The tale turns when the baby grows into a man over a single night. What will the morning bring? Who is Baby20? Who is Tom? Is it all a dream? The Story of Baby20 is about the haunting power of human memory and its influence over our identity and our ability to change.

An audience favorite year after year, the CPT/Y-Haven Theatre Project offers candid insight into important issues of our society and gives real hope for growth and change. Audiences are continually blown-away by the poignant and moving stories presented by this powerful collaboration.

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Highbrow

2009-10-29T07:45:00.000-07:00

"Gingerbread Fair, Paris"
Photograph by Maynard Owen Williams

* Compliments of National Geographic

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"AND IN THIS CORNER... WE HAVE THE FIVE YEAR OLD BADASS FROM ROMANIA! AND IN THIS CORNER... WE HAVE kevin charnas..."

2009-10-27T15:51:00.000-07:00

Five-year-old Romanian weightlifter becomes Internet star

Is anyone else freaked out by this??

A FIVE YEAR OLD BODYBUILDER??

Now, it's Romania. So, I know that this is nothing new in the land of... ... there. But, I happen to find something a little askew with this.

I've been emotionally tired lately, which I need to fill you in on the reasons why, but until then, I must demonstrate my inane sensibilities yet again.

I just find this whole video disturbing.

The little kid is grunting and flexing and flipping off tables and walls and all around for that matter, while his ignored siblings just dance haphazardly in the background like derelicts.

Shouldn't he be dancing haphazardly like a derelict too?

I mean, isn't that what you do at five? Isn't that what you do as long as you can?? (Much to the chagrin of my parents, I'm still doing it.)

But still, shouldn't he be dancing around like he's retarded and I don't know... pushing his siblings over or something?

Instead, he looks like he could totally kick my ass.

And those SHORTS.

Those SHORT SHORTS.

LIKE HE'S SOME KIND OF BIZARRE CROSS BETWEEN

A well-muscled Jessica Simpson as Daisy Duke

And that asshole

Chucky. How bad did I want to kill Chucky? Bad, I say.

So, yeah... A crazy cross between the two... His future you ask?

Well...

Voila! It's Daisy Chucky Duke... with sprinkles of tattoo on top. (How YUMMIE is this pic?! I'm really not sure what's worse; his terrible haircut, that hideous tattoo, or those shorts... He's just one big disaster.)

I just don't get it. The whole bodybuilding thing at five years old... And those shorts getting eaten by Daisy Chucky Duke's ass.

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And as a bonus pic and commentary? Because I KNOW you want one, don't lie.

Well, we have...

This little number. And if one of those strings breaks? God help the person on the receiving end of a flying boob or a ricocheting labia. Oh sure, it's AALLLLL fun and games until someone loses their eye to ricocheting labium.

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The Faux News Channel

2009-10-27T15:17:00.000-07:00

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

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Marble Marvel

2009-10-23T08:45:00.000-07:00

"Green-Eyed Gecko" by Anke Seidlitz

National Geographic Magazine's "Photo of the Month"

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High Fences Should Be Higher

2009-10-23T08:36:00.000-07:00

This contribution comes to us from our goddess, Diana. Thanks, Diana!!

I luv it, luv.

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Philip's Fight For Freedom

2009-10-22T07:29:00.000-07:00

"I was pretty surprised to be asked a question like that. It made no sense to me. And then finally I asked her, 'What do you think I fought for over on Omaha Beach?'"

Thank you, Dor, over at Mom Goes Green, for this special contribution.

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As It Seems...

2009-10-22T07:28:00.000-07:00

(Copyright - Monte Wolverton)

*** Conservatives ROAR hurting Republican Party

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First "Sasha Fierce"... Now, "Lola". Beyonce and J. Lo BE GETTIN' ON MY NERVES, Y'ALL!!!

2009-10-20T10:39:00.000-07:00

Okay, first it was Sasha Fierce.

Beyonce tried to stop her.

Beyonce grabbed "Sasha Fierce" by her hair (unfortunately, also her own... or at least her own weave) and was all, "Girl, I am BEYONCE. Sasha Fierce be stoopid and you need to recognize."

Well, I don't have to tell you that this just pissed Miss Fierce RIGHT OFF. It obviously sparked a heated debate.

And the two began arguing as witnessed here.

Beyonce was all, "NO, SASHA FIERCE!! I'M BEYONCE! YOU STOOPID!"

And Sasha Fierce was all, "GGIIRRLL, YOU SO DEAD IT AIN'T EVEN FUNNY!! BRING IT!!"

And that's when things REALLY got ugly.

And Sasha Fierce threw Beyonce's ass down the stairs.

Again... unfortunately herself as well.

And Beyonce went head-over-keister landing on her melon with her crack waving in the air like she just didn't care.

And who arose from the heap of flesh victorious? Well, the rest is history. But, just in case you missed it... May I introduce,

Miss Sasha Fierce. (It's allll about SACRIFICE, PEOPLE.)

The problem with all of this?

I thought I WAS

SASHA FIERCE.

But, no.

NO.

BEYONCE ROBBED ME.

So, I got over that.

Not really. But, I continued on...

And then, as if ALL OF THAT WASN'T TRAUMATIC ENOUGH FOR ME...

J. Lo changes her name to Lola.

Now, WHY this picture came up when I was searching for images of Jennifer Lopez is beside me. I don't think she ever toyed with the idea of changing her name to "Marmoset Tapa". I mean, maybe... But, I kind of doubt it.

So apparently, "Lola" has been trying to get out under from J. Lo's skirt

for quite some time...

And Lola has been all,

"J. Lo, stick a fork in you, girl. You done."

And J. Lo was all, "GIIRRLLL, I'M GONNA BLOW YOU AWAY WITH MY FARTS!! DANG!!!"

Bbbrrrrttttttt....

And Lola was all,

"Wooo... thanks for the highlights, baby."

Well, I don't have to tell you that this just PISSED J. LO OFF EVEN MORE!!! And she was all, "WONDER TWINS' POWER, ACTIVATE!! FORM OF A GIANT FART/WIND STORM!!!

BBBRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!

And Lola being the new badass she is was all...

"Ooohhh... Baby, that was like a cool refreshing breeze blowing those nasty tired highlights and split ends away! Thanks, Grandma!"

So, may I introduce, in pink ruffles no less...

"Lola"

And again...

The whole problem with this???

I thought I WAS

LOLA!!???

But, no.

NO.

NNNOOOOO!!!

I'VE BEEN FOILED AGAIN.

AND IT'S COMPLETE BULLSHIT.

I'm tired of it.

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*** Original Post Where "Sasha Fierce" photo appeared: The Evolution of My Halloween Costume; Post #4

*** Original Post Where "Lola" photo appeared: We're Both Greek

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If Sun Doesn't Come Out Soon

2009-10-16T08:59:00.000-07:00

(Copyright - The New Yorker)

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Rush Limbaugh Becomes A Liability And Obama Likes To Ride Unicorns Naked

2009-10-15T09:07:00.000-07:00

ST. LOUIS – "Conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh has been dropped from a group seeking to buy the St. Louis Rams."

Ohhh.... Poor Lushie Limplog. He's become a liability.

The jackass said, "This is not about the NFL, it's not about the St. Louis Rams, it's not about me. This is about the ongoing effort by the left in this country, wherever you find them, in the media, the Democrat Party, or wherever, to destroy conservatism, to prevent the mainstreaming of anyone who is prominent as a conservative.

"Therefore, this is about the future of the United States of America and what kind of country we're going to have."

Oh honey... no. It's NOT about "the future of the United States of America", you delusional nitwit. It's about you, really. Just you. You're an ass. And people are finally acting accordingly. They're called consequences, fuckface.

And besides, consequences happen to everybody. Remember when the Dixie Chicks spoke out against George W's administration? Yeah? Well, besides it turning out that the Dixie Chicks were actually right, people stomped on their CD's and burned them. They had a RIGHT to do so, no matter how juvenile it was. So, the Dixie Chicks suffered consequences for their words and actions.

And you're no different.

Now, onto President Obama naked on a unicorn...

You thought I was kidding...

And NAKED President Obama AND HIS UNICORN SAVE THE DAY BY BLASTING

BLIMPY LIMBAUGH INTO THE AIR!!! YYEEAAHHH!! TAKE THAT, ASSHOLE!!! (what the fuck IS THIS?)

And after so much work

They went on vacation to Hawaii. Both of them. Together. The Unicorn and President Obama. Naked. And the Unicorn put sunscreen on the President's back. Or lubed his hole. I'm not really sure which. We'll have to ask "Dan Lacey".

Paintings by Dan Lacey

Dudes and Dudettes?? Seriously? I think I want to buy one of these. Just because.

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Oui Oui, Puff Puff, Cough Cough

2009-10-15T06:58:00.000-07:00

"Summer Cruise, Paris"
by David Alan Harvey

"Good friends celebrating summer with a cruise on the Seine, French students display Gallic disregard for career choices and university entrance exams."

From the National Geographic Archive

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NO BALLS ON FOREHEADS!! (The First "Teabaggers" To Scrotumize The Conservative World)

2009-10-14T10:39:00.000-07:00

"You tea-bag a customer ONE MORE TIME, Larry, and Mr. Nellbox will fire your ass!"

How I lloonngg to hear those words spoken to me at work... Only THEN, will I know I have arrived.

(from the John Waters' film; "Pecker.")

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Introducing: BADONTSAY's "Dingle Berries"

2009-10-13T08:48:00.000-07:00

This deeply disturbing contribution comes to from our correspondent in the Canary Islands, Nikki. Thanks, Nikki! I think... Maybe I should be thanking you for burning my eyeballs.

Speaking of cooking, you should really check out Nikki's fantastic website.

So, this slightly alternative version of Beyonce's "Single Ladies" inspired me.

This morning, I did my best re-creation of the above event for Will in our kitchen, without the extra 200 pounds, the leotard, the hair on my back, or the sock-stuffed crotch, or giant hernia, or whatever the hell that was.

I was reaching up and turning and basically doing the hand-jive with kicks all the while singing,

"ALL THE SINGLE LADIES!
all the single ladies.
ALL THE SINGLE LADIES!
all the single ladies."

And improvising the words when I started to stumble on the lyrics.

"ALL THE DINGLE BERRIES!
all the dingle berries.
ALL THE DINGLE BERRIES!
all the dingle berries."

He just continued to stare at me. So, I thought I should really amp it up a bit. So, I REALLY was busting a move now.

"NOW PUT YOUR HANDS UP
UP IN THE CLUB, WE JUST BROKE UP
I’M DOING MY LITTLE OWN THING
YOU DECIDED TO DIP BUT NOW YOU WANNA TRIP
CUZ ANOTHER BROTHER NOTICED ME"

I mean... that queen up in the video would've gotten booted RIGHT OFF the stage that was our smokin' kitchen floor.

But, Will just continued to stare as I was breaking a sweat now still singing with increased volume,

"I’M UP ON HIM, HE UP ON ME
DON'T PAY HIM ANY ATTENTION
CUZ I CRIED MY TEARS, GAVE THREE GOOD YEARS
YA CAN'T BE MAD AT ME..."

And he continued to stare at me blankly and then stated right in the middle of my performance, "I actually hate that song." And turned and walked away while this "Dingle Berry" sang on,

"CUZ IF YOU LIKED IT THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE PUT A RING ON IT
IF YOU LIKED IT THEN YOU SHOULDA PUT A RING ON IT
DON'T BE MAD ONCE YOU SEE THAT HE WANT IT
IF YOU LIKED IT THEN YOU SHOULDA PUT A RING ON IT..."

And I wondered if he was sorry he did...

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Celebrating Gauguin

2009-10-11T13:36:00.000-07:00

Femmes de Tahiti [Sur la plage] (Tahitian Women [On the Beach])
1891 (150 Kb); Oil on canvas, 69 x 91 cm (27 1/8 x 35 7/8 in); Musee d'Orsay, Paris

- Gauguin, (Eugène-Henri-) Paul (b. June 7, 1848, Paris, Fr.--d. May 8, 1903, Atuona, Hiva Oa, Marquesas Islands, French Polynesia)

The Cleveland Museum of Art "is staging a major international exhibit -- an "exhibition about an exhibition" covering artist Paul Gauguin's early years. The exhibit opens Sunday and runs through Jan. 18, 2010. (The only stop in the States before it moves on to Amsterdam.)

Before his Tahiti paintings made him famous, Gauguin was snubbed by the 1889 Paris World's Fair.

Instead, he and other artists staged a rival exhibit in a Paris cafe.

Those Gauguin paintings that were in that exhibit will be featured at the CMA exhibit.

After Jan. 18, the exhibit goes to the Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam.

The exhibit is entitled "Paul Gauguin: Paris, 1889" and includes more than 75 paintings, sculptures and works on paper by Gauguin and the artists of his time.

It also has the first reinstallation of works from Gauguin's 1889 exhibition in Paris.." (source)

Arearea (Joyousness) 1892; Musée d'Orsay, Paris

Tehamana Has Many Ancestors (Merahi metua no
Tehamana) (oil on canvas, 30 x
21-3/8 inches) can be found at The Art Institute of Chicago.

Vision after the Sermon (oil on
canvas, 28-3/4x36-1/4 inches) hangs in the National
Gallery of Scotland in Edinburgh.

Paul Gauguin went against the grain of his time. And I rather like that. In fact, I encourage it. He died all alone in his hut savaged by a morphine addiction, but still.

Okay, now that I think about it, maybe skip that last part.

*** 36 Hours in Cleveland from The New York Times

*** Master works get room to breathe with Cleveland Museum of Art expansion from USA TODAY

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Hi Barry...

2009-10-11T08:34:00.000-07:00

(Copyright - The New Yorker)

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