Kevin's Barber Shop

In 30 days......

2021-08-15T20:13:00.000-05:00

Well. Here we are. You're starting this thing, and so am I. A little back story, I'm a 56 year old man, single, oft addled, and about to run for government. In 30 days, Canada will have elected it's 44th session of parliament, and I, he of little means and big dreams, learned today that we will go to the polls on September 20, 2021 - less than 2 years into the 5 year mandate of the Justin Trudeau Liberal government. I have spent the past five years wrapped deep in a web of global intrigue and peril. Real life James Bond kind of shit I tell you, a story so incredible that I'm balls deep cheering for the side that will one day reveal the story. For those requiring perspective, we are in the year 2021, and there has been a war raging between the globalists - of which our PM is a Golden Boy of - and some fierce patriots, throngs of people the world over who know the death grip of global tyranny when they see it and are finally speaking up against the gang tactics of the collectivist mobs. Hyperbole? Perhaps a bit, but the degree to which the soft leftist will seethe with distain when confronted with a non conformity, you begin to see the truth in the saying that Liberalism is a mental disorder. Far from insulting, or being trite, I have many friends and family who break character and act out uncharacteristically when their politics are challenged. What should be a civil discussion usually sees blanket rejection, characterization and bias confirmation by inventing a reprehensible individual to match the pre existing emotion. But how is that emotion there in the first place? How is politics woven so deeply into our sense of self and personal value system? I hope to find out as I attempt to fire up the old manic master that could glow red orange auras while moving mountains. I've spent the bulk of these past five years hunkered down, mining the internet for the truth in an ever shrinking body of evidence. We are seeing a clampdown in a big way, people are reacting differently, but we are definitely seeing two camps emerging, the do as you're tolders and the nah I'm gooders - globalists and nationalists, collectivists and individualists, truthers and normies.... it's election time in Canada and I'm running for a brand new populist party, The Peoples Party of Canada. We stand apart from the mainstream party and pay the price for it as we struggle to gain traction, gain momentum and eventually, gain victory. A dark horse to say the least, the seat is held by socialist poster-boy Matthew Green, that perfect "Obama Lite" version of the manufactured new left politician. No longer is the NDP the party of grizzled steelworkers, now its white collar unionists in the schools and the hospitals. This riding - the heart and guts of Hamilton is always a safe haven for the left, but a true populist just might have a chance. I have been here for almost 40 years and many know me from many walks of life I've taken a few steps in. The last 15 years has been about music and new media. I know the insipid and corrupt legacy media is self destructing and will be replaced by the litany of amazing independent journalists out there, so much talent, so much potential. The eyes that once rolled at the "conspiracy theorists" are now rolling their eyes at the newscasters who repeat the same mantra you'd expect from their counterparts in a Netflix series. Bullshit. Whereas when I ran for office in 1997 at the age of 32, I was spry and full of energy - I'm beat down and full of doubt and resignation. It's more a case of knowing what's coming and if the expense and effort will be worth it...but I know - I really know that I have to do this. So few could afford themselves the opportunity to attempt the impossible and win a seat in parliament, with a fringe party, against the heavyweight champ New Democrats and Trudeau's Libs on either side, breathing down their damn commie breath. It's Sunday August 15th 2021 and the P.M. called the shot today. Kind of penniless and hopeless, somethin tells me that this ride will make for a good story regardless of how it ends. May the best person win.

O.M.G

2013-02-17T11:54:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking a lot about religion lately. When one is a parent and would like to set certain examples. religion is surely a minefield that one can avoid, tiptoe through, or march confidently into with respect to the teachings that resound for lifetimes. As someone who considers myself a somewhat spiritual, free thinking proponent of free will, theological questions raised by children give pause for thought. My 8 year old daughter understands that there is a god, there is a heaven, and daddy has a big family bible that contains stories about god and his son Jesus. She also believes that her grandmother's spirit visits in lady bug form, and Santa Claus can certainly pull off his yearly logistical nightmare. That, is the privilege of childhood - the grace of being deliberately kept in ignorance of the truth, so that happiness can be provided easily.

I have tried to have an open mind about god and religion. My own personal journey included stints at church with family as well as by myself. I guess it is with some comfort that although my father was never religious, he didn't preach intolerance of religion. My mother perhaps more spiritual and respectful of the institution, took us to the United Church in small-town Ontario but for the most part, my sister and I were allowed to explore that world ourselves. I am older now. When I think of religion now, I can't help but to see it as a blood thirsty enterprise that uses the texts and tenets of humanity to rule and prosper as they have for years like the corporations and governments that pull . Having faith by definition requires letting go of doubts and trusting your teacher. Like any paradox - the greater the possibilities, the greater the possibility of abuse.

But god is good right? I mean, they're all good. Do I choose my own god or is god chosen for me? If the I hadn't had my kids with me Saturday morning, and if I had happened to smoke a joint before the "soft" knock on my door - I might have entertained the two attractive Jehovah Witness disciples on my front porch. Wearing my Barney purple bathrobe, I could have educated AND entertained myself. As it were, I shook them off with a disappointed shake of my head as it was clearly pancake and pj time at Chateau Heathen. We had a Winterfest to attend nearby as half the neighborhood was jacked up to go to the warehouse between the French school and City Housing. The big, old place was full of bouncy castles, games, live music, face painting, coffee, hot chocolate, snacks...all free of charge. Packed with hundreds of kids and staffed with dozens of smiling, helpful people, this was not funded by any level of government. No, Winterfest was basically a PR/info gathering exercise by a religious based organization who is planning on converting this warehouse space into their new place of worship. Not your father's church - these people are clearly media savvy, motivated and well organized. What seemed to strike me - and kinda creep me out, is that the people all seemed so happy and focused..two things I crave at times. I'm not sure if all the people there cared they were being farmed and filtered by a group for the power and economics they might provide or if it happens so often they see it as normal. Maybe they just really want to share the secret of happiness.

Cutting the cable

2012-01-24T21:08:00.002-06:00

Well - I did it. Due in part to financial justification and time management, I have reached (and acted upon) the decision to effectively give up television. I also choose to stop paying my local cable provider the 55, 60, 70 or however many dollars a month they decide to charge. Plus the phone - plus the internet. Not only do I hope to dramatically increase my creative output and lower my bills, but I'm going to stop allowing the fuzzy memories of our past obscure the fact that she is now but a crass whore.

Having grown up in the glow of her cathode rays, I was blessed to see television through the early years of innocence, the awkward teens, the cocksure but dumbass 20 something, the conceited know it all, the insecure aging starlet - and now, finally, the electronic hybrid of Joan Rivers and William Shatner - the shameless splaying of former greatness.

My demographic mirrors that of television and I will shit you not that my background and careers (for lack of a better description less odious than this explanation) have all been connected to television. From Broadcast Journalism to retail video, video production, television production, television market research, my whole damn life was somehow centered around this thing that could somehow quiet the hyper kid and teach the unteachable kid. It always seemed bright, exciting, noble...not any more.

The advent of computers shoved TV and newspapers into denial, and then eventually into the dumpster. Wherein cable television had enough time to amass a great deal of money, they were amassing a large overhead. The effects of that trickle down is at the point where single advertisers now own majority advertising rights to a 30 or 15 minute show and play their 15 second ad up to 16 of the 32 potential timeslots. Yep, you get bombarbed with 32 - 15 second commercials every time you watch a 30 minute show (8 min pr. 30) ..pretty sick eh? That is also why most all TV ads are aimed at women - men simply don't watch them.

So - I will be forced to re-learn all my bad habits of watching shit for no reason. I will have to get many things done because the computer will make me blind and more crippled than I already am if I attempt to use it as my full time fix. The forums, movies and docs available on line are fantastic, and I'm in control for the first time. It stops when I do., it doesn't just keep going and going and going. The best thing however, is that I will be saying goodbye to an unhealthy relationship that has run it's course.

Goodbye baby.

2011-07-15T14:24:00.000-05:00

The thoughts and visions I cannot start
Another night, spent apart
Torn, and damaged
Lovelorn and famished
Just desperate for a piece
Of paradise.♥

Big Pants

2011-07-15T14:09:00.000-05:00

If you think you know who runs the show, I'm betting you might be suprised.

There is little to be gained on my part to make my case, other than I fail to see any holes in what my logic - and appreciable gut - have told me for years.

Please humor me - and invest the following evening taking some simple notes while watching television.
Although TV is far from the sole media choice available, its relevance and experience is unquestionable for this experiment.

Beginning at the beginning of your regular TV time - (be it one half hour, or 12 hours - it matters not), - take a single sheet of paper - or a data device if you wish - and record the following basic information.

Who is being targeted in the ad? Or in another context - which member of your family does that ad look like, speak to, make look strong and powerful?
What type of product is being shilled? Does it involve a large - or a small amount of money to buy?
Is anyone being demeaned or insulted in any way? Again, which member of your family does that person most resemble?

Well, there you have it. Take it from someone with a media background, a stint at a very, very large market research company - and a lifetime love affair with the set. Nothing - I mean nothing gets the green light until it is researched six ways to Sunday. Slippery numbers and soapy toads aside, it's always a matter of who CONTROLS the money. In a capitalist society - one needs only to follow the money to see who has the power.

Foot Volume/Foot Size

2011-07-15T13:21:00.001-05:00

The harpist who doesn't harp

The advocate who speaks soft

The breeze and the shade

The connection made

Speak volumes

Without trying

Too hard

All Thats Right

2011-05-04T17:55:00.000-05:00

with all thats wrong
wrung from the veins
of a tired and fallen hero
take heed of days like these
golden in their splendor
warm and inviting
inclusive harmony
fleeting - but for an instant
greater than thee, without perception
genuine from beneath - support - cradle
reassure us all for life
is fleeting

365

2011-04-26T13:05:00.002-05:00

A year ago - It seems so long
All the wins and what went wrong
Closer to the final bell
Further from such grace I fell
Careful to avoid the hole
Closer to the winning goal
Slowly seeing thru the haze
Priceless everlasting days
So many ways still the same
Never better at the game

Something I don't wish to play
As I see another day
Arrive and leave
A last breath to heave
To love, and be loved complete
Before Hades heat
Or Heaven's breeze
Reverent upon my knees
Have me humbled
For I have stumbled
But I will be redeemed
I will be redeemed

Look at Those Puppies

2011-04-12T20:12:00.001-05:00

I finally got it today. Well - not IT - that would be a better story - but this one's pretty good. You see - I finally understood - to a degree - what it was like to have boobs - to be a woman with two big ol boobs right up there. And it all had to do with walking the dog.

It was - and still is - a beautiful early spring day. My fella, Deeogee, has put on a good chunk of weight since losing his prized possessions just before Christmas. While the rest of us were decking the halls, he was sans balls, and with it the monumental sex drive that translated into a very high metabolism.People were out in good stead, and living as I do, so close to a 22 acre park, there was a lot of foot traffic, and dog walking going on. Well, for some reason I was thinking in the abstract. It started to dawn on me that people looked at dogs the exact same way they look at boobs. First, there is the "family" or those close enough to be like the kids who were nourished by them and daddy who plays with them. These people can get right up to the dog. often slobbering over eachother - and carry on quite unconcerned about appearences.

Then there were the "club" these would be the other women with boobs or the other people with dogs - flashing the insider smirk at eachother. Yours are/is nice. Mine is/are nicer. Not bad for the breed, etc, etc... If you are an owner of a dog - or a pair of knockers, you know there is great power - and great responsibility to be considered and respected with regard to ta ta stewardship. Some of us like the low maintenence, cute looks and high energy of the small breeds. Others are loyal only to the fearsome and ponderous giants. I myself - love them all. A nice medium sized dog is great - but what's not to like about seeing a group of them together, nose to nose at the park or beach, playing freely without concern for us..

And last.....and least, there are the non dog owners - or in Brestworld - men. Men just look at boobs. No, actually - they stare at boobs. People who don't have dogs also stare. a lot. They either have the "I should get a dog" or "I hate fucking dogs" look - but like tit loving men, they stare. I suddenly felt like one of the girls. Here I was being seen as merely the facilitator of a seperate entity - a life force of it's own, just like a beauty set of love jugs - and you know - I was ok with that.

Here we go again

2011-04-06T15:31:00.003-05:00

Well, a federal election is once again upon us. At one time, a federal election was a big deal - the equivelant of the olympics for the political set. I can distinctly remember the elections from my very earliest memory up to my first election because there was only one Prime Minister. Yup - Pierre Elliot Trudeau was the guy for the time - a rare being - in possession of so many nuanced skills essential to form a government through all that time.   Over the subsequent years we have had our share of leaders, some better than others, some under aprreciated - perhaps misunderstood.

A poll released yesterday by Leger shows that 24 % of Canadians have no opinion about who would make the best PM of this country. Stephen Harper was a bit more than ten points above that mark, well ahead of the others - but looking past that ghost with 1/4 support would be a mistake for any party - most of all his.

People want sizzle. They want charisma. They want brutal honesty, but not so brutal that it might cause any ill feelings whatsoever. They want intelligence - but not at the expense of height. God, a short PM would suck.

Basically, people want the impossible, or are at least too unrealistic.  We are also - for the most part unintrested, misinformed or dishonest about our political system. It is bad enough that 40% of us don't even vote - but those who do have very different criteria from each other as to what is important and why - or lacking that - where to put the pencil mark.

As time goes on, more and more of the population will opt out of the political process.  A percentage of the large youth demographic and new Canadians will continue to feel disconnected and unrepresented in the whole thing. Without change, folks will drop out of the political process - and dropping out has never led to success in politics - or life.

It remains to be seen if there will be a change in the way we do political business in this country, and make people want to learn and participate in the political process. I hope we do - because if we keep going the way we are - we won't have the chance to choose much of anything.

Dark Corners

2011-03-26T17:05:00.002-05:00

Eyes cast down or straight thru

Everything’s there – but for you

It doesn’t exist if you can’t see

So like the rest, you look past me

Dare not speak of that we don’t know

Ignorance reigns wherever you go

Souls lost in the open - waiting to find

Any little peace of mind

Unspoken gazes across the street

Fearful people frightened to meet

Hated and shunned for what was their lot

Serving them right to get what they got

For who would play such tricks on their kind

Does it not matter if they can’t mind?

Torn away deftly without a word

Caste asunder and stripped from the herd

We are they and they are us

Brethren together riding the bus

Nobody speaking - just fight or flight

Taking us somewhere into the night

Goodnight my friends, oddfellows all

Invisible people in line we fall

If you don’t look we might leave you alone

Unless of course it’s the life that you own

Show Weakness

2011-03-24T12:09:00.001-05:00

I'm really glad I have some great kids Oh sure, those girls will break my back, bank and heart more than a few times before I shuffle off, but for the present time I'm starting to think they came around at the perfect time. You see, anytime prior to the age of 40, I was far too immature, manic, dangerous to be a good bet at parenting. Oh I would have sucked it up and thrown myself into it - but somehow I have the feeling my lack of self awareness and perspective would have imparted some pretty serious social tics in my girls. Like most folk, I had a lot of issues to work out - but unbenownst to me, I had been dealing with full-blown bi-polarism since about the age of 12. A lifetime of hard evidence unfolded like a roadmap. Instead of recoiling in shock or burying the truth under drugs and alcohol, I started a long process of finding the right medication to adjust the valproic acid levels in my body. Something so simple as a chemical alignment - and enough couch time with a person knowlegeable about the condition has transformed someone on the edge of madness in 2008 to someone eager for the next great act to play out in this life of mine. I also learned a great deal about a subject I knew nothing about. Like most people, the thought of being labeled defective was a far worse fate then suffering the same debilitating effects year after year. Being crazy - let alone disabled - was a pathetic fate for losers who are doing nothing for the greater good. I hate to say it, but I wanted very much to believe that anyone could change if they just wanted to badly enough. As the years progressed, I was subconciously shitting on myself as failed relationships, failed dreams and short-short term employment piled up.

Something remarkable in my life happened a decade ago. I became a small fish in a pretty big pond by playing, recording, promoting...basically living music. The people and places of those years saw the birth of the real me - and I started whole-heartedly buying into the role I was ready to play into my own personal sunset. I was finally happy

Which brings me back to Grace and Evie. They are going to be the ones who benefit most in this whole process. Although the patchwork of fixes that governed my life during some of the happiest times worked when the sun shone, things like 2 unplanned pregnancies - economic hardship, not doing what makes you happy, and at the root - the lack of any real communication cracked the facade and nearly brought my house of cards all the way down. These girls will get the Kevin that I wish was a long time ago. All because I wasn't too ashamed to ask for help.

Kids and Dogs

2011-02-28T13:48:00.000-06:00

I like watching kids and dogs

they don't really care

how new the shoes

or style of hair

in the moment

all the time

weightless

sublime

Me and the Dog

2011-01-26T14:31:00.001-06:00

Deeogee. That's his name. D-O-G..get it? If you're under 8 years old, it's a natural, but as we overthink everything in our world, something so simple seems to evade us at times.

The dog was not welcome here. Having recently lost my first dog Gus after 11 years, I was not in the market when proximity and chance conspired to land me my latest best friend. It has been funny to see him grow up, like a second child, with a slightly jaundiced eye towards his independant streak. It has been quite a challenge, but we are now a team and working on the traits of a couple of old buds.

Sometime in June, he will be 6, or 42 years old in human years. Close to my age, we are both living the same life in the same house. Both of us ain't getting any - and are getting fatter by the day. Getting out for a w-a-l-k in the p-a-r-k is a high point for both of us as well. I feel for the guy. Something was bred into him that prepared him for a life that just isn't there anymore. You see, no matter how much dog whispering I do, he still wants to eat, screw, play, crap and fight. In that order. Buried inside that thick skull, he is a genius at getting those things. Period. The problem is, I can't let him run free, chase squirrels, hump a bitch or "get the stick" around here anymore. Society has neutered him, turned him into a pooping machine.

Like I said, same life.

Misery loves Company

2011-01-21T11:40:00.004-06:00

There is nothing like shared agony to bring people together. Be it a nation creaking under the weight of ever increasing social and financial strains, or the ability of a funeral audience to see clearly into their own future, pain allows people to share a common burden, and share the load. Soldiers who fight for their very lives in the most awful conditions forge relationships with their mates that last a lifetime. Support groups formed to assist individuals and families through disease and affliction find kindred souls to help them make sense of such very dark times. For as long as humanity has walked this earth, the misery created by adversity can rarely if ever be dealt with alone – the need to survive and recover strives to overcome adversity.

There are however, herds of elephants in the room, none more seemingly obvious than the scourge of mental illness and the profound effects it has on our society. While prejudice and ignorance has been routed from most dark corners in the past generation, the attitudes and resources fixed to make a difference are only now being slowly herded. An estimated 50 billion dollars in lost productivity, an epidemic in suicides and addiction, and a system that is unable to handle the fall out from years of neglect, are some of the indicators of just how pervasive the problem is. Children are medicated, adults are cracking under the ever-increasing stress, and society does….nothing.

A diabetic needs insulin. Most people would easily understand the clear medical solution, and few would deny them the treatment they need. Someone with a mental illness however, is still perceived as defective, dangerous, to be shunned. It makes us uncomfortable to be confronted by someone who could very well be us. It is much easier to simply turn away, either ignoring the obvious or putting the “blame” on the individual – lazy, crazy, wrong. Like all afflictions, not all are the same, either the severity or the prospects of recovery. Despite changes to the Mental Health Act, there remains a societal unwillingness to face the problem, while access to treatment, proper diagnosis and support all conspire to prevent changes that are so very necessary. Make no mistake, profound changes must be made for the sake of us all.

Step one –and the most important one, is to work very hard to change the negative attitudes that surround mental illness. Stop sugar coating our own sensibilities in order to make the reality go down easier. Realize that until the stigma and ignorance that exists is washed away, we will only allow this rot to continue to undermine the foundations of the house we all share. No matter what we do, mental illness will be with us – as it has been – forever. What we can do is make sure that those who are affected know that they are not alone.

2011-01-09T11:04:00.000-06:00

Moonlight over Burlington Bay/Western end of Lake Ontario

Yours Forever

2010-12-14T15:38:00.002-06:00

I wrote his poem in 13 minutes after watching a 1975 production summing up a 26 part documentary on the 2nd world war. The letter was penned in 1943 by a young RAF pilot to his wife days before he was killed. The letter was 2 pages long, still in it's original form - the reader's hands slightly shaking with emotion as he narrated the 3 miniute tome.

Struck down by the sheer lack of guile and unbridled love for the sweetheart of his life, I was deeply touched this day by the feeling - sent with such intimacy - and the ability of those emotions to travel such time and distance to me -now.

Keep in mind this letter was the last thing said at the end of 15 hour production on the most brutal time in the history of humankind.

I give you

Yours Forever

Yours Forever

How it must feel - never to be loved
Nay a mothers touch or a lover for the ages - or a time

Sweet waves crashing, a late spring breeze
Beyond description
Yet we write
And sing
And cry...for love

The tides and the winds
Do as they have done
Building - eroding
Pushing - pulling
Us ...from love

Yet we know it - we seek it
Nothing else has it

We should be
Could be
Are
Loved

The Century

2010-10-27T12:53:00.005-05:00

The Century

THE CENTURY

A series of 100 word epics by Kevin Barber

I think people are a lot like leaves. When the summer is high, and the sun and the rain are plentiful, all leaves are green. It is only when the short days and cold nights of autumn have arrived that their true nature is revealed. In the last moments, the brilliant reds and yellows mingle with the mottled browns on the earth’s canvass. Some leaves remain bright green, as if they never believed that they too would break from the only home they have ever known and experience a short, beautiful freedom as remarkable individuals.

I saw myself yesterday. Well, I actually saw a 14 year old kid with long, unkempt hair, jeans and sneakers - wearing a pretty cool RUSH T-shirt. It was a bit of an epiphany, as I was struck by the fact that a generation has passed on my watch – the 30 year period in modern humans where the torch is passed, and what was old is somehow new again. If only we could all benefit from the same rediscovery, the same rebirth – the affirmation that the more things change the more they stay the same.

It bugs me when parents ignore the obvious and trespass onto jungle gyms – or whatever the hell they call them these days – at the park. Adults sully the pure spirit that exists when all of earth’s citizens under the age of eight get together without the burdens of class, sex and race that the rest of us have to slug through every day. I also notice that the benches are well back where all of us “grownups” sit with the same stupid looks on our faces, like finding a picture from a long time ago.

In the 50’s and 60’s, the repressive restrictions placed on many authors saw an explosive rise in the popularity of science fiction books. While the suits and bureaucrats only saw spacemen and aliens, the storylines in fact reflected the very core socio-political issues consuming the world and its peoples. Censors, ignorant to this connection, took years and years to realize this phenomenon. Today, the acerbic, sarcastic blue comedy of the adult cartoon genre has replaced sci-fi as the torchbearer, using parody and crude drawings to outwit those who would rather you not be bothered with such filthy, immature clap trap.

Once upon a time, great leaders led. Today, nothing is done before it is studied with a phalanx of pricks, pokes and grabs that we call polling, surveying, gauging or probing by an army of folk dedicated to applying hard numbers to things like opinion, habit and belief. Now - the first rule of market research is market, or money. It is safe to say that nothing gets researched unless someone pays for it. So if your wife asks you if she looks like she’s getting fat, ask yourself if you want to get more work.

A good adage is like a homemade jam, boiled down to a sweet, palatable package, created over generations of experience. When you hear someone say “The more things change, the more they stay the same” or “A penny saved is a penny earned” what you are in fact hearing is an entire textbook, delivered in a clear, concise fashion by anyone who can connect the dots on a basic level. An adage is comforting in that it shows each generation that whatever situation arises in their lives, the same thing has happened to many, many people over many, many years.

They used to be called lifestyle ads. Feel-good, pre-packaged illusions connect you the consumer with their products. Bud men were joiners; Coors men were a group who saw themselves as non-joiners. Today, it is called branding, and there is no alternative- in today’s world of advertising you are what you buy. Market researchers in their never-ending quest to justify their jobs continually endeavor to pigeonhole an entire population starting at birth. Likewise, political parties also want to help you to avoid having to make decisions yourself based on anything other than their word. After all darling, they brand cattle – right?

There is little argument that we are in deep shit. The chickens have come home to roost so to speak, and the frivolous, conspicuous consumption that has been driving this society for the past quarter century is shifting like the landfill it was built on. Life’s simple pleasures have become scripted images in fabric softener commercials, and family time is the image used by fast foot restaurants in their advertising. Hair colour is the second most profitable sector at Shoppers Drug Mart after Pharmaceuticals. Take time to survey the magazines at the check out – to see what’s really important today.

Feelings

2010-10-25T20:45:00.002-05:00

The manifestation of electro magnetical impulses into paralysing emotion has been the boon and bane of mankind since the beginning of time. The process is still deeply mysterious, with modern mapping techniques charting the brains neuro transmissions like Cooke or Columbus.

What is known, is that our feelings - our emotions - cause us to do pretty well everything in life, from cradle to grave. A constant balance takes place as we fight our emotions, control ourselves and ignore our gut feelings. As much as we treasure the swoon of new love, or the thrill of victory, we fear the loss of family and the cold hand of death.

Madness, the silent elephant in the room, sits quietly in the corner, allowing far too many of us to be suddenly enveloped in it's enormity, lost to the rest of the world. We all can appreciate those in the arts who tread so close to the edge, giving us a glimpse of the fiery core, where we fear to tread. Stray too far and even those who were recently in their midst turn away for good.

How then, do we live with the burden of emotion? How does one turn off that artery, spilling blood all the way? Surely the souls who work the child cancer wards and man the distress lines and the like, are made of something special. It is one thing not to feel - another to feel and do it anyway. All I need to think about when the hot breath of anxiety and despair touch my neck, is to think of so many who have touched my life in even the smallest way. I think about the mad giggles of my girls, not how they're going to make it. I appreciate the roof over my head, even though I will be 75 when I own it - and the mice think they own it now. I'm glad that although my wife sleeps 18 km from here - we are still friendly. But most of all, I'm thankful that I am alive in this flash of time, and my story is yet to be fully written.

It's OK to feel. Some of us feel more, some less - but we all feel. Tomorrow perhaps I won't give a shit so much. But I'm feeling it today.

Circle of Death

2010-04-29T15:29:00.002-05:00

Beautiful day, the sun shining, and the blossoms exploding everywhere. A nest of birds, starlings actually - had taken up residence for the third or fourth year. Loud, pushy and obnoxious - they summarily destroyed the home of the original occupants, a nice sparrow couple who must now do as best they can in the rain gutter of neighbour dave's house. I have no idea if they have ever sucessfully pulled off a brood - but I never recall having seen a young one survive the rains. They come back every year, perhaps because they know no other place - or because they hope the starlings won't come back.

Things were the same this year, the sparrows, polite, industrious and benevolent - arriving early and setting up shop until the wasp of the aviators arrived yet again, eating their eggs and beginning their own yearly routine.
I have been unwilling to close off the opening in the porch, for the inconvienience was always outweighed by the life experience. Today I was reminded of the unfortunate side of it. Arriving in a fine mood, the dog - Deeogee, was quick to point out the young, motley chick that was baking in the sun. Looking not too bad for the huge fall, I tucked the lil fellow back behind the boards, and sure enough - and soon enough he was back out. Now I realized this was the runt - the weaker, late hatching chick that was expendable this year. Being brutalized by your siblings, or left to die of exposure - a easy meal for a cat - or a quick flush? Either way, I was in the mix because I chose to have yearly guests.
Kinda ruined my day.

A life lived

2010-03-25T13:25:00.001-05:00

Someone close to so many people died suddenly last week, and like so many others - things just haven't been right. Only 51, Dan was a real Hamilton icon' larger than just the musical community he thrived in. Everyone gasped, such a thing - a heart full of life, suddenly stopped beating.

When someone is able to foster such a bedrock of relations in his community, the devestation of the event has caused a collective shutter, and an empty feeling that is impossible to fill.

In the grand scope of it all, we were not peers. Dan was a dyed-in-the-wool rock star, a brilliant engineer and producer. He was constantly scoping talent and offering his sweat equity in the name of the greater cause. He was a teacher, a friend and a mentor to so many.

I am glad to just have known him.

Life is precious. It's for living - a reminder to us all.

Never ready

2010-02-06T12:53:00.003-06:00

I didn't know much growing up, except that I was never quite grown up. Oh, make no mistake about it, at over six feet and 200 pounds in high school, I was the first to buy beer and shave. It's just that over the years, while my peers married and started families, I just married and divorced. When my friends from high school were setting up their kids education plans, I was still trying to find that steady work and living wage. Eager, sure. Motivated? - well I guess it depends. But one thing was clear, I was not ready for parenthood. No way. I lacked the financial resources and the emotional fortitude to lead a family, and the women in my life were always very aware of this.

Well something called life happened six years ago. Before leaving for a gig at the Corktown Tavern, the girlfriend wanted to check the pee strip because she was late. And we were going to party. Hard. Well, two bold stripes announced my life was changed forever. I can't remember what was going through my mind as I worked through the three sets on stage that night, suffice to say I was probably aware my days as a musician were numbered.

So, here I am. Seperated, kids on weekends, spit out the other side of a vast machine that stripped me clean of so much of what around me then - and aware that there are two little girls who need a dad. Two people, gettting so big, so fast who see me as the father who has been there to hold and love them. A daddy who never hides his absolute love for them, and will somehow keep it together through some very rough waters. I'm old now. Too old to be a young dad, that's for sure. But I guess I would never have been ready. I guess that sometimes, you just learn on the job.

It's funny. Seems like yesterday I was just a kid.

How Stephen Colbert saved the world

2010-01-28T14:06:00.003-06:00

I kid you not.

To understand the effect the phenomenon Colbert represents requires an understanding of politics, media and domographics - and the ability to see through the hubris of the present.
Colbert, an actor and comedian, was tagged as one of the very bright lights on The Daily Show, he playing the part of the neo-con to the lib-left position taken by host Jon Stewart. Far from falling into the predictable stereotype of the ranting, angry reactionary, Colbert's personna took on the smart, cynical and oh so sarcastic tone of the independant and libertarian. People unwilling or uncomfortable being branded either a Republican of a Democrat - or in this country - Conservative or Liberal (nod to the NDP) were sick and tired of the status quo and the baggage included.
Having once run federally, my very modest campaign budget was well used targeting the half of us who dont vote because we just don't care. Far from being dissapointed by this, those in power have more influence than ever pinpointing the core of their support and moving their butts to the polling stations. The greater good is lost in the tactical administrations of politics.

Colbert has caught fire for the same reason Scott Brown is riding in the back of Ted Kennedy's limo today. While Stewart remains bogged down with the yoke of the left, Colbert brilliantly skewers everyone and does it in such a way that requires an unprecedented level of candor from the subject. Make no mistake about it, those who take this man and the maxim he carries lightly will surely be on the outside looking in. An entire generation of voters have been raised on the cynicism and sarcasm (and wit) that the brilliant writers of the Simpsons, South Park and many of the other brilliantly subversive shows that writers have used to continually expose the cracks in the system. Computers, and the technology and communication boom have ensured that everyone knows everything right away. No longer can the kingpins rest assured a lazy, ignorant population will just lie down for them. The question is, how much longer before the joke turns into something entirely more serious? Not long my friends, not long.

Ripped off

2009-12-29T12:00:00.002-06:00

Just got my hydro bill. Every two months I am reminded of the back-handed ways that business and governments screw the average Joe who is just trying to make it to the next day. While we are being chastised for not stashing enough money under the matress to make up for the lack of fiscal responsibility within the Canada Pension Plan, every level of government and every type of business just reaches deeper into your and my pockets to make up the difference. Never mind that real wages have not increased in years, we are somehow expected to do what our masters seem unable or unwilling to do themselves.

Case in point - the old Hydro bill. Now, I have tried to be frugal, turning lights off, keeping thermostats low, and plugging the cracks in this old house of mine. Yet - when I get my hydro bill, it clearly states in the weasel-worded fashion of the day - just how sleazy and brazen our sacred institutions really are. Artificially capped, nonetheless, the bill shows that my frugality paid off (to a point) as in 60 days I used a reasonably small amount of electricity in a 3 bedroom house in the city. Actual usage is stated as $179.00 - not bad by any means. Add on the "delivery" charge of $92.61 (like I could pick it up in a basket)? and a "regulatory" charge of $19.49 as well as the wonderful "debt retirement" charge of $19.62 means that HALF of my bill is a fabricated web of lies to soaqk the public who has no more money, and fewer options when it comes to heating, cooking, hot water, lights and all the other "luxurys" we enjoy in this modern society.
Noe Dalton McGuinty and his crew want to "stimulate job creation" and make us all "more competitive" by introducing the Harmonized Sales Tax - which will fill the irresponsible government's coffers while draining the meagre reserves of the citizens of Ontario. Great.

So -= Happy New Year - and if you do anything to change your fortunes in the new year I ask that you just once - not roll over this time. If the people spoke up as they did during the push for negative or reverse billing by the cable companies - or the rebuke of the John Tory Conservatives over full funding for religious schools - who knows, maybe these "civic leaders" and "business hirearchy" would learn to live within their means - like the rest of us.

Just don't bet on it.

crime pays

2009-12-28T17:15:00.002-06:00

depending
on who you know
what you know
the colour of your collar
the shade of your skin
depending
on who it was
you took it from
and how you hid the evidence
crime pays
sometimes
depending