How will a predator gain access to my child? Simple. Opportunity equals access.
A predator is anyone who preys on others in a calculated, routine fashion. They may include the abuser, pedophile, bully, stalker, or thief.
But before the predator—or any criminal—can commit a crime, a number of elements must be in place.
Intent
The offender must have the desire or intention to want to commit the crime. Their motives may vary, but the need is always there.
Ability
The offender must believe that they have the skills and equipment they need to carry out their crime. In the case of physical assault of any kind, the predator not only needs to believe that they have the skills to commit the crime, but that theirs outweigh the defensive skill that of the chosen victim.
Opportunity
The criminal needs an opportunity to commit the crime and to get away with it. Few criminals commit crimes with the intention of getting caught.
You, as a parent, can’t change a potential offender’s intention to on committing a crime, nor can you change the offender’s perception of their abilities. However, you have complete control over the opportunity that could to make your children their next victim.
By "opportunity" I mean access.
An offender needs to have access to your child before he can commit his intended crime. Access can be many ways. He may gain access through his position as a coach, baby-sitter, relative, neighbor, friend, or acquaintance.
What he is not likely to be, is a complete stranger. As a parent, you have control over your child’s safety and can prevent a crime from happening if you are watchful and diligent in controlling the access that others have to your kids.
These are the basic ways in which you can make sure that any access to your children is safe access:
Evaluate who is in your home or neighborhood
Evaluate those in your home or neighborhood. You must assess each and every person that you allow into your home and in contact with your children. I am not suggesting a complete criminal screening for the gardener, however, I do suggest that you watch how he interacts with your children. If he shows too much attention to them, if your child is uncomfortable around him, if you have even the slightest reservation about him, get rid of him immediately.
Question everyone’s motives
There is a motive for every action or thought we have. Not all motives are deviant, but they are present in all actions. A used car salesman’s motive is to sell you a car. To achieve that purpose, he will adapt his behavior to be nice, approachable, knowledgeable and genial, in hopes that you will buy a car from him.
A teacher’s motive is to educate your children. Her behavior will reflect her motives. She may be firm when she is trying to get a point across, sympathetic to a child who is upset, encouraging and empowering to get kids to learn.
A predator’s motive is to gain access and control of your child so that he can carry out his intended crime. His behavior will reflect his motives—in part. He will be nice, helpful, understanding, willing, generous, accommodating, and anything else he needs to be to convince you that he can be trusted.
If you can’t come up with a valid reason why someone is acting in a friendly, generous way to your children, be very suspicious. There is no reason why the house painter needs to be giving toys and candy to your children.
Remember, there is a motive for every action. If the person’s actions do not make sense, do not allow them access to your children.
Report your suspicions to the police
How many times have you seen or heard news reports in which neighbors of an apprehended criminal say they thought the person was suspicious? If they thought so, why didn’t they tell police before another victim was made?
Contrary to what you may think, your observations are valuable to the police, and they are not bothered if you call them. In fact, in today's world where money is tight and police are stretched to the limited, they need your help.
They cannot know what is going on in your community unless you tell them. You will not bother them. You don’t even have to give your name. But please make sure that you report all suspicious behavior to the police. If police investigate and the suspicion it is unfounded, then it ends. However, in many cases—and I can speak from experience—the smallest tip can lead to a major arrest and removal of a predator from your community.
It is your right, and your duty to tell the police if you feel someone may be dangerous to your family. You owe it, at the very least, to your kids' safety.
Hatred is a learned emotion.
Children are much different from adults in the way they absorb, value, and retain information. Adults have learned not to believe everything we hear. We will often devote more attention to valid information and discard misleading information quickly.
Children, on the other hand, absorb good and bad information equally. They will pay as much attention to negative, harmful, misleading information as they will to positive, empowering, and helpful information. Children have not developed a keen and effective “bad information filter” yet, and they often pick up harmful opinions from within their families—even when the family is unaware of expressing a harmful opinion.
The most important source of information to a child, especially a young child, is their parents or guardians. These individuals will shape a child’s impressions of what is right and wrong, good and evil, socially acceptable and criminal. Even seemingly unimportant matters can make a tremendous difference in a child’s outlook towards others.
Kids soak up their environments and experiences from the time they are born. True haters begin to develop early. As they grow, they begin to form opinions and beliefs based on what they have been told, feel to be true, and experience. Parents who consistently deliver positive, non-biased messages, encourage diversity, and embrace change, rarely raise haters who may engage in hate crimes.
It is easy for kids to focus on one aspect about a person that their parent may dislike, and quickly apply this dislike to all people who share the same attribute. This could and usually does include racism.
True haters can come from all places, races, and socioeconomic backgrounds, but are almost always put on an early path to hatred by the significant people in their lives. But parents are not the only ones with influence over a child’s belief systems. Even a minor intolerance that reflects a bias from a favorite uncle, cousin, grandparent, or idol can have equal effect.
It is okay for your kids to have a strong dislike for something, or even someone. That alone doesn’t make them a “hater.” If they take action based on the dislike or hatred (hate crimes), they cross the line and become a hater. This could take the form of bullying another child, or refusing to help someone in need because of their differences. Hatred is taken to its most destructive extreme when it is generalized into hatred for an entire population, and this is something you have to watch for in your children.
Imagine your child in the following scenarios to see if he or she is on the road to becoming a hater.
Scenario One
Your child, Jim, gets in an argument with another boy, Quan, at school. Quan is Asian and your son is white. Jim is very mad at Quan and tells you later than night that he hates Quan. Although anger can be an alarming and dangerous emotion, Jim’s feelings have basis. He and Quan argued and Jim became angry. You will be able to talk with Jim and help him find the real reason for his anger, and eventually Jim and Quan will again be friends. This is realistic hatred.
Scenario Two
Take the same situation: Jim and Quan get in an argument at school. Jim comes home and tells you that he hates Quan, calls him a derogatory name, and says he hates all Asian people. In the days following, Jim continues to express his dislike for all Asian people, making frequent discriminatory comments about them. This is unrealistic hate—and the beginnings of a true hater.
If the first scenario fits your family dynamic, you are in fine shape. Your child has a reasonable and warranted dislike for an individual, based on his actions. He only dislikes the individual. As children mature, they learn ways to understand and control their anger, and many times kids who feel hatred for each other in grade school become friends in later years.
Realistic haters get over it. They do not transfer their anger to all people.
If the second scenario rings bells, you need to take a closer look at your child and the direction he or she is headed. Unrealistic hatred for an identified group of people is one of the most dangerous emotions and beliefs that one can harbor. Adolph Hitler, perhaps the most notorious hater of all, was driven by hate and he nearly succeeded in exterminating a race of people.
History can and often does repeat itself.
I saw it every day as a police officer, watching children follow closely in the criminal and violent footsteps of their parents. But it doesn’t have to. You have the power to make the next generation—your kids—safe, wise, caring, tolerant, and free from hate.
In order to achieve this, you need to do two things: be responsible for how your own words and actions will affect your children’s attitudes; and watch closely to see if any external influences may cause the seeds of intolerance to germinate and grow in your child. Early intervention can help to prevent the evil of hatred from infiltrating your family.
Abduction.
A parent’s worst nightmare.
Understanding why a predator abducts children can help you be more aware of potential dangers that threaten your child. and help you protect your family.
Abduction of children by total strangers is so rare that investigators would consider it only after more likely motives are examined. Three primary motives drive offenders to abduct children: emotion based, profit based and sexual based.
Emotion
This is typically a non-custodial parent. It is an offence to move a child from one state to another without the consent of the legal parent or guardian. If you believe your ex-spouse might abduct your child, you must:
Profit
Motive defines the difference between kidnapping and abduction. When an abductor intends to demand a ransom, confines a child against their will or transports a child by law they are kidnapped.
The profit motive is not always for money. It can also include selling or trading the child to other pedophiles for child sex rings or pornography. This predator carefully plans his crime and escape. He is familiar with his surroundings, the child, and likely the family.
Parents must be cautious of anyone who appears to be too friendly or who shows too much interest in their children. If you have even the slightest doubt about someone, make certain your children are protected and remove that person from your surroundings.
Sexual
Child molesters act out their sexual fantasies on children. A situational child molester may not prefer a child as a sex partner, but if the situation arises, he may act on a fantasy. If this person also has low social capabilities, he is more likely to abduct.
Someone who prefers to have sex with children, a pedophile, seeks out victims he can abuse over a period of time in a home, school or church, for example, but he will not always abduct his victims.
Parents should be cautious of anyone who shows an unusual amount of interest in their children or their activities. The family almost always knows the abductor – often simply a friend of a friend.
Arm yourself with knowledge – learn numerous ways you can protect your child.
Most importantly, know that you, as a parent, have the natural ability to sense when your child is in danger.
Listen to your inner voice.
Trust it.
Act on it.
It is always right.