Kids R Cool

We have Moved!

2007-11-23T09:11:00.000-05:00

Ok gang, after two years we decided it was time for a new look!

We have moved to our new site here http://kidsrcool2.blogspot.com/

The new site is a little more clean and less cluttered.

We will not remove this blog because several of you asked us to leave it so you can still reference the old posts.

Please make sure you re-subscribe using the new feed here
http://feeds.feedburner.com/KidsRCool2

We realize that there are so many of you it will take time for the transition, but we hope it will be as seamless as possible.

Thanks so much to the hundreds of you visiting and for all the support and sharing you have done.

Please feel free to leave us a comment on the new site. Pleas tell us what you do or don't like. With the new template we can change things much faster and make it everything you want it to be.

Thanks again, and remember KIDS REALLY R COOL!

FAMILY EVENT TICKETS GOING ON SALE TODAY 11/19/07

2007-11-19T10:23:00.000-05:00

The Following family shows go on sale today via Ticketmaster

Disney's High School Musical: The Ice Tour

Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus

PLAYHOUSE DISNEY LIVE! ON TOUR

Sesame Street Live : Ready for Action

Smucker's Stars On Ice

Sesame Street Live : When Elmo Grows Up

UK: Rail group 'bans' help for kids

2007-11-19T10:20:00.000-05:00

Staff at a Devon heritage railway can no longer help children off trains, because of the risk of being accused of inappropriate behaviour.

It follows a case in which a volunteer driver at another steam railway in Hampshire was convicted of indecently assaulting a six-year-old child.

South Devon Railway, which runs steam trains between Buckfastleigh and Totnes said the new policy was common sense.

But spokesman John Haslem admitted it was "a sad reflection on society".

The policy was prompted by a case in which convicted paedophile George Sully, 73, from Hampshire, indecently assaulted a girl on the Hampshire Watercress Line.

He was given an indeterminate sentence in June this year.

Heritage Railway Association has asked all members to review their procedures and the South Devon organisation has produced new guidelines.

Mr Haslem said: "We encourage parents to get out of the train before their child to help the child down.

"Our staff must not touch a child unless it is in clear view of the parent and the parent can see that there is no inappropriate behaviour.

"However we will intervene if there is imminent risk of injury.

"This simple and robust policy is to make sure that the risk an opportunity of inappropriate behaviour or wrongful accusations cannot arise."

He said that the railway got to know most volunteers well before they were allowed to work with the public.

He said: "We take precautions to make sure that volunteers and paid staff are not allowed to get into a one-to-one situation with any child."

He added: "We welcome thousands of young children to South Devon Railway every year without problem.

"We have never had a child protection issue in the 38 years of the line." SOURCE

What is debatable about cherishing your kids?

2007-11-19T10:19:00.000-05:00

Cosby's kickin' it. Again. Three years ago, Bill Cosby ignited brush fires across black America when he excoriated low-income African-American families for tolerating violence, miseducation and failure at a black tie NAACP dinner in Washington, D.C. "The lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal. These people are not parenting," he ranted at the stone-faced crowd of America's black elite. "They are buying things for their kids -- $500 sneakers for what? And won't spend $200 for Hooked on Phonics!

This was no Mr. Huxtable of "The Cosby Show" fame. The iconic entertainer once known as the jolly Jell-O man was hanging our dirty laundry out to dry.

His critics crucified him for what they said was an elitist, misplaced attack on the black poor, who are, after all, just victims of white supremacy and institutional racism. Don't pick on them, they argued. It's "whitey's" fault.

Still, Cosby was just warming up. He took his tough-love act on tour. Since 2004, Cosby and his longtime collaborator, Harvard psychiatrist Alvin F. Poussaint, have been hosting "Call Outs with Bill Cosby," a series of town hall meetings around the nation, from Panama City, Fla., to Baltimore, Md.

They culminated in the new book, Come on People: On the Path from Victims to Victors, co-authored by Cosby and Poussaint. It is an old-fashioned, eat-your-vegetables, teach-your-children, pull-your-pants-up polemic. The book posits two central questions: Should African Americans talk out of school about the pathologies that are consuming us? Are there any solutions?

Yes, and yes.

Come on People has replaced Cosby's vitriolic speechifying with commonsense essays that reject victimization, violence and despair. If you read this book, you will realize that there is nothing controversial about "what Cosby said."

What is debatable about cherishing your children? What is the argument against going back to school, listening to the elders, abhoring gun violence?

And the old red herring of blaming "whitey" can't hack it anymore. "Blaming only the system keeps certain black people in the limelight, but it also keeps the black poor wallowing in victimhood," the authors write.

Cosby's detractors drone on about the "victims," but they never get around to asking the folks who are toiling, suffering and, yes, striving. We need to find more ways to include them in the conversation, as equal partners, rather than grist for the despair mill.

In the book, black parents, professionals and activists offer up passionate, nuts-and-bolts advice to salve the community's myriad ills. It quotes a Nation of Islam Minister Tony Muhammad at a "call out" in Compton, a black city in South Los Angeles. "What we have got to stop doing is looking outside of our community and look within our community . . . All I want to know is, do you have a program that's saving our children?

"I went to Koreatown today, and I met with Korean merchants. I love them. You know why? They got a place called what? Koreatown. When I left them I went to Chinatown. They got a place called what? Chinatown.

"Where is your town?"

Muhammad urges his "brothers and sisters" to take back their communities. "I'm getting with every pastor because the religious men and women, it's our fault that the streets have gone wild. You hear what I said? It's our fault."

Back in the day, the happy Mr. Huxtable probably didn't play well in Compton, and Cosby's new shtick is a little bourgeois. But like Cosby says, no more excuses.

Cosby's detractors drone on about the 'victims,' but they never get around to asking the folks who are toiling, suffering and, yes, striving. SOURCE

Hot topic: At Thanksgiving, when do the kids move up to the adults’ table?

2007-11-19T10:17:00.000-05:00

Hot topic: At Thanksgiving, when do the kids move up to the adults’ table?

At Thanksgiving, when do the kids in your family get to move up from the kids’ table to the adults’ table?

66.7 percent — No one is too old for the kids’ table. I just sat there last year.

25 percent — When they’re old enough to drive, marry or carve the turkey.

8.3 percent — When they’re old enough to cut their own food.

Zero — When they’re old enough to start a food fight. SOURCE

Myths and Wives Tales

2007-11-18T15:14:00.000-05:00

I was told today, by a close friend, that if you get canker sores, it is your bodies way of punishing you for lying. What?! Have you ever heard that? Me neither. Isn't just the feeling you get after you lie to someone bad enough? All these old myths and wives tales are not working for me. In fact, they are not working in our society...

Today, kids are smarter than they ever have been, and telling them that if they make a funny face it will stay that way, no longer works. Granted, it worked on me and you, but it is no longer a good way to get a kid to stop making funny faces. Same with the canker sores one I got from my buddy. I give that one more generation and then its toast.

Now, thinking about this a little more in depth, these old sayings is how i was raised and taught not to lie, cheat, or steal. But nowadays, that stuff doesnt cut it. What result will this have on our youth? Kids running around kicking and screaming is going to be a sad teachers career. And what about the parents?

Parents have a hard job as it is, but forcing them to innovate new ways of raising their children puts them over the top. Everything is trial and error when raising children. "Lets try this, lets try that" = Stress. For the most part, a new parent would raise their children the way that they were raised. Now, when I decided to have kids, the way that I was raised will not work. And that is the same for all of you out there.

But wow, what a tangent that was. The purpose of this article was to say "Lets get some new material!". Rather then continue to use the sayings and ideas as our forefathers, lets create some of our own becuase hey - it will be easier on the parents. Todays society is like a comic with only one joke. Lets get some new stuff out before they bring out the cane and pull us off stage.

Tyler Brooker is the owner and operator of Canker Sores Help - http://www.canker-sores-help.com, which is the best site on the internet for all canker related information.

Top Three Ways To Communicate With Your Child

2007-11-14T09:18:00.000-05:00

Although many parents become frustrated as they try to maintain an open line of communication between themselves and their children, regardless of age, there are three quite simple ways to attempt to achieve this goal effectively.

1
Talk to your kids. Every day. More than once a day. Every morning before school. Every afternoon after school. Every evening (preferably as you sit down TOGETHER at the dinner table). Every night before they go to bed (preferably as you ARE THE PERSON who tucks them in, says goodnight, sees them get in bed in their pajamas etc...)

2
Make time for your children. Not just the above mentioned time to talk - but actual time WITH them. Go to their soccer games, school events, and other extracurricular activities. And DO NOT just show up at their games half-way through and leave before they end. Take them (and their friends) to their after-school activities. Talk to them (and their friends on the way there and on the way back). Stay for the whole game, talk to your children after the game is over about the game, their friends, their coaches, the involved people....

3
Be honest with your kids. Children can spot a liar a mile away. They relate and respond to HONESTY. They rely on you to tell them the truth. If you do not deliver this basic necessity, how can you expect them to reciprocate? If you HAVE to work late and will not be able to attend their game, be at dinner, help them with their homework etc... TELL THEM WHY you have to work late.

Resource Box - © Danielle Hollister (2004) is the Publisher of BellaOnline Quotations Zine - A free newsletter for quote lovers featuring more than 10,000 quotations in dozens of categories like - love, friendship, children, inspiration, success, wisdom, family, life, and many more

Are you a frustrated parent who sometimes finds it is easier to take the garbage out yourself than to keep nagging your son

2007-11-11T00:32:00.000-05:00

Are you a frustrated parent who sometimes finds it is easier to take the garbage out yourself than to keep nagging your son? Do you wonder what kind of employee he will become since he doesn't always follow through at home? Is it worth the effort on your part to insist that he do his share? The answer is a resounding Yes!

The lessons of life and self that we want our children to learn in our homes are not only the practical ones, such as making a bed, sewing on a button or cooking a meal. They include intangible benefits as well; it is equally important for children to learn the art of cooperation, the satisfaction of finishing a job, the ease in following a schedule and the value of sticking with a task. Children need to learn those lessons in order to cope successfully with the problems and challenges they will face in life.

The seeds of good judgment, thoughtful consideration for others and self-reliance in all areas of dial family life are most easily planted during a child's pre-school years, but it is never too late. These values can be reinforced until the child leaves home. It is the responsibility of the parents to teach our children to be contributing citizens. Schools, churches, Girl Scouts, YMCA and other youth organizations only supplement the lessons children receive at home.

A positive identity hinges on positive life experiences. If positive experiences take place in a safe and supportive home, then so much the better. The more success a child experiences, the better he feels about himself and his place in the world, and the more courage he has to try new and different things. When we "en"courage our children to contribute to the good of the family, we give them the gift of courage to make mistakes and to take risks. We focus on their assets and strengths in order to build their feelings of self-worth.

As we teach our children to work, the whole family wins. Children feel greater self-esteem, independence and a sense of belonging. Parents feel relieved of some of the work load, and they feel more confident about their child and his ability to function in the real world. Everybody feels more a part of the team, and the garbage gets taken out!

Judy H. Wright Author, Speaker, Life Educator ph:406-549-9813 JudyWright@ArtichokePress.com Website: http://www.ArtichokePress.com Sign up today for FREE tele-classes and ezine The Artichoke-- bite sized articles on parenting,family relations, wellness,self-publishing, writing memoirs and care-giving.

Potty training fears, often called toilet terrors, are common among toddlers and small children

2007-11-07T00:31:00.000-05:00

Potty training fears, often called toilet terrors, are common among toddlers and small children. Look at things from your child’s perspective. He is giving up the security of a diaper for a big, cold thing with a giant hole that might swallow him. Up until this point, your child has been able to go in his diaper. He didn’t have to control himself until a potty was available. He could go anytime and anywhere, knowing that someone would always be there to change his diaper. The idea of having to go to a specific location means he will have to stop what he’s doing to use the potty. To top it all off, he looses the warmth of his diaper and must now go potty naked where other people might be watching!

Common potty training concerns and solutions:

Fear of Making a Mistake – Your child is just beginning to control his bodily functions. He won’t be perfect at it, and might worry that he will be punished for accidents. Throughout the potty training process, assure your child that you are there for him and he can come to you if he’s afraid or worried about something. When accidents happen, don’t make a big deal out of them. Simply clean up and tell him that you know he is trying. Potty training is often a good time to build a trust between you and your child that will last throughout your lives.

Fear of Automatically Flushing Public Toilets – More and more public restrooms switch to automatically flushing toilets. Children who are at the later stages of potty training (transitioned from the potty chair to the toilet) are often fearful of the public toilet flushing while they are seated. These fears can be alleviated with a simple, inexpensive device called the Flush Stopper.

Fear of Falling In – The fear of falling in the toilet is common when your child has mastered the small potty-chair and transitions to the toilet. You can help alleviate this fear by purchasing a potty seat that either fits on the toilet or attaches to the toilet such as the Flip-N-Flush or PRIMO's Ducka. The potty seats will decrease the size of the toilet hole and help your child feel more secure. The Flip-N-Flush is especially useful because it flips down for your child’s use and flips up so that other family members can easily access the regular toilet seat.

Your child’s fears need to be addressed as real and serious fears. If your child knows that you understand and are trying to help, he will feel more relaxed and comfortable while potty training.

About The Author
Danna Henderson started ZIP Baby in order to provide parents with comprehensive potty training information as well as a large selection of potty training products. For more information about potty training, or to browse the potty training store, visit the Potty Training Forum Message Board.

Research is finding that bilingual children do NOT acquire language later than monolingual children

2007-11-05T00:26:00.000-05:00

Our children are growing up bilingual in the French part of Canada – Québec. “That’s fine”, says everyone. “Even though they’ll probably start speaking later because they’re learning two languages at once, they’ll catch up.”

Well actually, this well-entrenched idea that bilingual children are slower to acquire language, is actually a myth!

We were surprised and delighted to learn that research is finding that bilingual children do NOT acquire language later than monolingual children. Our first child participated in a language study on babies carried out at McGill University of Montréal, Québec, Canada. There it was explained to us that research is finding that the difference in language acquisition of one child compared to another is very large. Some children speak sooner, some speak later. And the range of language acquisition of bilingual children is just as large as the range for monolingual children, statistically speaking.

Although these research results are relatively recent, I was able to find an article on the internet about it, written by Professor Fred Genesee of McGill University, confirming what we had been told verbally. In addition, instead of seeing bilingualism as the minority exception to the rule, Professor Genesee suggests that there many be as many children growing up bilingually as there are growing up monolingually.

So rest assured that the myths are wrong and the following are true:

Bilingual children do NOT have delayed language acquisition. Learning more than one language at a time is NOT difficult for small children.

Bilingual children DO master both languages just as well as one.

More and more parents are convinced of the benefits of exposing their small children to foreign languages. This has resulted in the recent explosion of videos, books, music and computer software aimed at babies and preschoolers, that expose them to another language. For example, free computer games on the http://www.kiddiesgames.com website allow babies and preschoolers from an English-speaking environment to learn and practice French and Spanish.

The most obvious benefit, and one that is confirmed by research, is that exposing infants to a foreign language can help them master that foreign language later on. In the well-documented but very accessible book on baby brain development “What’s Going On In There?”, the author Lise Eliot explains that babies are born being able to hear the sounds of every language in the world. However, this ability is subject to the “use it or lose it” phenomenon. If the baby is not exposed to foreign sounds, she will lose the ability to distinguish those sounds. For example, on page 368, she reports:

«Infants’ ability to discriminate foreign speech sounds begins to wane as early as six months of age. By this age, English-learning babies have already lost some of their ability, still present at four months, to discriminate certain German or Swedish vowels. Foreign vowels are the first sort of phoneme to go. Then, by ten or twelve months, out goes the ability to discriminate foreign consonants, like /r/’s and /l/’s for Japanese babies or Hindi consonants for English-learning infants.»

Another benefit of exposing children to another language that is starting to be recognized, is that of increasing their proficiency in their primary language. It may be that the brain exercise of sorting out multiple languages gives that brain a deeper proficiency in language and grammar overall.

So the next time your infant has the opportunity to be exposed to a foreign language in a suitably fun setting (which is how all activities should be presented to infants, isn’t it?), then jump at the chance!

The author of this article, Emma Rath, produces free online and purchasable download baby and preschooler software, available at http://www.kiddiesgames.com.

How Well Do You Know Your Child?

2007-11-03T00:25:00.000-04:00

Do you think you really know your child? I don't mean know what he/she likes and doesn't like, but to know him/her well enough to understand his/her challenges, to appreciate his/her strengths and weaknesses and to help him/her develop his talents. Knowing your children can help increase their chance for success in the future and improve your relationship.

As parents, we are constantly looking for ways to improve out relationship with our children, discipline our children and provide proper guidance. How many of us take the time to get to really know our child? Some of us believe that our children are extensions of us and don't have their own thoughts, dreams and goals. When was the last time you sat down with your child to find out what they are thinking? The answers may surprise you. Children, especially during puberty, start to discover and develop their identity. They go through an emotional and psychological identity crisis and question and challenge their parents. At this point, children start to crave support and direction from their parents, but are not always compelled to ask for it. But how can you help your child, if you do not know their needs? Simple, ask them!

You are not a mind reader and your child probably will not voluntarily share his/her personal information with you. When you start to offer unsolicited advice, they feel that you are being intrusive or nosy and get defensive.

There are two simple steps to getting to know your child.

The first step is to listen more and speak less. Let your child direct the conversation and when they ask for your advice, offer it without being judgmental or critical. Lecturing and berating your child for poor judgment or unhealthy decisions will not help you to understand him/her more because you will not be getting to the core reason for the behavior. If you do not have the proper information, how can you give your child the support that he/she needs? By listening, you will be able to help your child understand how their choices and decisions affect their lives and direct them to making healthier and more responsible decisions. By being an active listener, you learn to acknowledge what your child is feeling and give your child the information and advice that he/she needs.

The second step is to ask the questions that will create meaningful conversation. The typical responses to “How was your day?” are “Good” or “Fine.” Ask open ended questions instead of closed ended questions that result in one word responses. Ask specific rather than general questions that will stimulate your child to think. Show your child that you have a genuine interest in what is going on in his/her life. Don't force this process, let it come naturally and soon your child will respond. Ask casually and soon your child will start to volunteer the information. Find out who influences your child. Even ask tough questions such as, "How do you feel about our family?" The point is not to judge your child's responses, but to know what he/she is thinking or how he/she is feeling. Ask your child if he/she has any resolutions for this year. What was his/her biggest challenge or setback last year? Ask the questions without interrogating. Don't bombard them with questions or you may face resistance. Resolve today to spend a few minutes each day getting to know your child better. This is one of the most valuable gifts you can give to your child.

Marie Magdala Roker is an Academic and Personal Development Coach and Certified Breakthrough Parenting Instructor who works with parents to help them unlock and nurture the personal and academic potential in their children and motivate their children to success.

You can find her on the web at http://www.successfulchild.com.

Researchers have estimated that 25-35% of children in the United States have Learning Disabilities

2007-11-01T08:00:00.000-04:00

Researchers have estimated that 25-35% of children in the United States have Learning Disabilities. At least 5% have Attention Deficit Disorders. All too many times during the course of their academic careers these children are labeled by teachers (or parents) as being "lazy," or "stupid." Remarks of this type are typically interpreted by the child as, "You're no good," and the self-esteem levels drop.

At least 50% of children will experience the divorce of their parents prior to turning 18 years old. Most children, for whatever reasons too complicated to go into here, will tend to place at least a portion of the blame for the parent's divorce on themselves. Since the parents are typically placed on a pedestal in the eyes of the child, the blame for the divorce cannot be placed on the parents and must be placed elsewhere, most commonly on themselves. This also significantly impacts children's self-esteem levels.

There are other important challenges to maintaining reasonable self-esteem, such as merely being "average" in a world that worships only the good looking, the good athletes, and the well-to-do.

But can too much self-esteem be bad for you?

Let me say here and now that inappropriately high levels of self-esteem may be worse that low levels. Levels of self-esteem that are too high may lead kids to believe that they are more important than anyone else, and that they should never be frustrated by work or challenges in life. It leads young people to believe that they should always have their way. Inflated levels of self-esteem ultimately discourages children and teens from learning how to work hard, and may well lead into criminal behavior (criminals tend to have high levels of self-esteem, not low levels).

Inflated levels of self-esteem also are directly at odds with the development of one's spirituality and relationship with God. After all, who needs to develop a relationship with God when he believes that what he wants is more important than what God wants? The ultimate out come of the self-esteem movement is seen in the New Age doctrine that you are, in fact, God. Yes you. The guy who can't balance his check book or keep his car fixed. You are God? So they tell us.

People are cheated in every important aspect of their lives, emotionally, socially, and spiritually, when their sense of self-esteem is over-inflated.

So how can we instill appropriate levels of self-esteem in our children?

Briefly, here are five key thoughts . . .

First, change the way that you look at this area of life from "self-esteem" to "self-confidence." There is a difference as wide as the sea.

To "esteem" someone, including one's self, involves feelings of "reverence" or "awe" or "honor" or "glory." Words have meaning. Let's not get carried away with trying to make our kids feel good about themselves by starting to ascribe to them positions of honor normally reserved for God, and perhaps for Presidents and Kings. The majority of our society's problems are caused by people thinking that they are as important or as powerful as God, or at least that they are more important than anyone else in the world. This is not something that we really want to encourage in our children, or in ourselves.

Instead we do want to encourage self-confidence. This attribute becomes especially powerful and beautiful when paired with the virtue of self-control. Raise your children to have these two character traits, and you will have wonderful and successful children, ADD/LD or not.

Second, give lots of encouragement, praise, acceptance, and teach responsibility.

Encouragement comes when you focus on your child's assets and strengths in order to build his/her self-confidence. See the positive. Even failures can be outstanding learning experiences. Encouragement sounds like this, "I like the way that you did that," or "I know that you can do it," or, "It looks like you worked very hard at that."

Encouragement is NOT giving compliments for work poorly done, but under those circumstances it IS inspiring your child to work harder and do better. "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up, according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." -St. Paul (Eph. 4:29)

Ultimately self-confidence comes from having accomplished things worth being proud of. Reserve Praise for things well done. Where Encouragement is given for effort, Praise is given for accomplishment. Just say, "That's a good start, keep at it," when the work is not yet worthy of praise. Accept your child for who he/she is. If you expected that your baby would grow into an Olympic athlete with an IQ of 148, and instead he/she is "average" then you might be very disappointed as a parent (most children are "average," which is why they call it "average").

Disappointment is often turned into anger, or at least frustration. If your child cannot live up to your dreams for him or her (and why should they?) then please be careful of your emotions. If you are not careful, your own dreams and expectations for your child will become a wedge between you and your child. Please never make your love, encouragement, or acceptance, dependent on their performance or behavior.

Teach Responsibility to your children.

Let them try things and let them fail once in a while. Don't keep bailing them out. Victory only tastes sweet if we taste the bitterness of failure once in a while. Trust me, the dog's not going to starve if he misses a meal or two. The newspaper won't come to publish a story on your family if your child fails to make his bed once in a while.

Just use these occasions to remind your child that if his dog is going to ever eat again, he needs to get out there and feed it (assuming that's your child's job). Remind your child that he or she is an important member of your home and that he needs to be responsible with doing his chores.

Make the consequences for not being responsible fit the crime. And of course be sure to reward/praise your child when he does act responsibly. Behavior that is rewarded tends to be repeated, and behavior that is ignored tends to go away -- so always reward and praise responsible behaviors in your children.

Douglas Cowan, Psy.D., is a family therapist who has been working with ADHD children and their families since 1986. He is the clinical director of the ADHD Information Library's family of seven web sites, including http://www.newideas.net, helping over 350,000 parents and teachers learn more about ADHD each year. Dr. Cowan also serves on the Medical Advisory Board of VAXA International of Tampa, FL., is President of the Board of Directors for KAXL 88.3 FM in central California, and is President of NewIdeas.net Incorporated.

Not many things are more upsetting than discovering that your child has been abused, in any way, by your babysitter

2007-10-28T07:56:00.000-04:00

Not many things are more upsetting than discovering that your child has been abused, in any way, by your babysitter. People think that to be a babysitter means you must be a nice person. WRONG! Some of the nicest people turned out to be Serial Killers, so don't ever give a Babysitter the benefit of the doubt.

You should always ask for references. Check out the references. Make phone calls to see if the reference sounds credible, or is it a friend of the babysitter. Don't laugh, it is easy to have a fake reference. It happens, don't let it happen to you.

An Interview is in order before actually hiring anyone for anything. See how your child feels with the new babysitter. Does he or she feel comfortable? Are they talkative? Shy? Afraid? Kids have a good "Gut" level of feeling comfortable or afraid of people. Don't ever "force" a babysitter on your child. A good general conversation will bring out much in a potential babysitter.

Make sure they will not smoke in your house, nor use your phone for personal calls. Also, make it clear that they are not expected to be on their cell phone all night long. They are there to watch your child, not to entertain guests.

Well, what if you suspect that something negative is going on? Does your child freak-out when you talk about having this Babysitter come back? Has your child gone through a Personality Change since being with a certain Babysitter? Has your child 's eating habits changed? Is there a weight change? Any new Bruises that resemble being grabbed and/or squeezed? Nightmares?

Ever hear of a "Nanny Cam"? There has been alot of media coverage lately showing how a Hidden Camera helped expose Abusive Babysitters. This is the best way to catch a person in the act, and have taped evidence to insure a conviction. You can buy either a Wired Hidden Camera, or a Wireless Hidden Camera. Either one will work fine, but it depends on your situation. Some Hidden Camera Items would be expected to have a cord hanging from them, making it easy to place anywhere.

This would include items like Hidden Table Clock Cameras, or Hidden Caneras in a VCR, or a Lamp. The Wall Clock Hidden Camera is a very good choice.

A Wireless Camera can often be placed in a better viewing point because it is wireless. Keep in mind that even a Wireless Camera must have a power supply. This power supply takes the form of either a "battery" or a plug in power adaptor. The thin wire from the power adaptor is easy to conceal, and it will give constant power. A battery usually only lasts about 4-5 hours, and the picture degrades quickly.

The Wireless/Wired Hidden Clock Color Camera offers the best of both worlds. It houses a high resolutiuon lens, and a Transmitter. It can also be used direct wired. This type of Hidden Camera can be placed high, and out of the reach of prying eyes. Also, the Wireless Calculator Hidden Color Camera is also an excellent device.

These devices are not expensive, and could save a childs life.

Robert Nelson is a staff writer at Spy Supply Depot, the largest Spy Supply Website on the Internet. All kinds of Hidden Cameras are shown. Feel free to visit their website: http://www.spysupplydepot.com

As younger siblings do, she looked up to her older sister, the dancer, in a big way

2007-09-28T07:55:00.000-04:00

Teri was 5. As younger siblings do, she looked up to her older sister, the dancer, in a big way. Sara was 4 years older and was excelling in ballet, tap and jazz.

So we enrolled Teri in the same dance school and she really seemed to enjoy the lessons and her new friends. She was now, of course, a dancer, like her sister. And Teri very much looked forward to the climax of her first dance season, the year-end dance recital this school put on.

If you’ve ever been a dance parent, you of course realize that the obligation is quite large. Aside from the weekly lessons, scheduled on different days in our case, there is the extra investment of time and money preparing for the ‘big event’ - extra lessons and rehearsals, fittings for the completely different head-to-toe costume required for each dance number and a parents meeting for each dancer to make sure everyone was on the same stage come recital night. Baseball parents have it easy!

As fate would have it, Teri had surgery to lengthen her heel cord a few weeks prior to her dancing debut. But that didn’t stop her from lugging around the heavy cast trying keep up with the other performers. That’s my girl!

The big night arrives and in a flurry of hurried activity, we deliver our girls backstage complete with special hair do’s and a full coat of stage war paint and we take our seats in the auditorium.

The place darkens, the curtain rises and the show begins with the performances of some of the advanced students. They beam with pride showing off the stuff they had worked so hard on all year long. Two of Sara’s dances were slated and as always, she didn’t miss a step.

Then, to the “ahhhh, aren’t they cute”’s of the packed house, the curtain lifts to reveal Teri’s class of little tykes all in a line looking nervously around under the bright lights. At one end of the line was Teri, with her bulky cast in plain view and her hands tucked in the white muff in the starting position for “the Muff Dance.”

The moment arrived and music started. Teri didn’t. She just stood there, still as a statue, while her friends slipped into their well- rehearsed routine.

Was she nervous? Did she forget her steps? Did her foot hurt?

Then, as if on cue, she gracefully took her left hand out of the muff and raised it to her face, inserted her index finger into her nostril and with the precision of a Texas oil driller, began a full-scale exploration of the orifice that seemingly wouldn’t conclude until she hit paydirt! That’s my girl!

Needless to say, the place erupted into hysterical laughter that overrode the loud music. I began to slither down in my seat trying not to be among the majority who were splitting a gut at the spectacle and add to the embarrassment that Teri must have been beginning to feel.

Suddenly, as if it finally registered that the non-relenting roar of laughter was directed at her, she ran off the stage. I was already hustling out of the theatre to the backstage area in anticipation of having to do some creative parenting and intense consolation.

With a lot of tear drying and a little coaxing I managed to convince my little dancer to “get on with the show”, where she performed the rest of her numbers, without using her fingers.

The next year, she played tee ball.

Rick is co-creator of the breakthrough Make Every Day A Great Day Program. Read the powerful, life-changing testimonials and discover how this revolutionary product can dramatically change Your Life too!: http://www.MakeEveryDayAGreatDay.com/yes

Is Your Child Becoming A Praise Junkie?

2007-08-28T07:53:00.000-04:00

Do you praise your child when he fulfils a basic bodily function? Do you praise your child for obeying the laws of gravity? Do you give praise for simple socialisation procedures that your child practises every day?

No, you say. Have you ever praised your child for finishing all his meal? Ever praised a child for staying on his bike or perhaps staying vertical on roller-blades? Ever praised a toddler for their terrific smile and fantastic manners?

In the last few decades parents in many parts of the world including the US. UK and Australia have enthusiastically followed the positive parenting teachings, but for some praise for a job well done has become like a nervous tic.

“You finished your meal. What a guy!”

“That’s the best work I’ve ever seen!”

“You are such a clever little swimming girl.”

“You used the toilet. Let’s ring grandma and tell her what a clever girl your are!”

Sound familiar. Yes most parents are well aware of the notion of praise but are we going too far? Parents and teachers can praise children so much that it becomes a little like water off a duck’s back and so lack any real meaning for kids. Too much praise can actually be demotivating for kids.

Before condemning or pushing the virtues of praise it is worth remembering why parents have been encouraged to use it in the first place. Its origins can be traced to the need to provide a child with a positive level of self esteem. The benefits of positive or healthy self esteem has been well-researched in recent years with one recent British long-term study indicating that self-esteem is a better indicator for positive outcomes for kids than intelligence or high skills levels.

Children gain their self-esteem from the messages that they receive and through their interactions with the world. The main developmental tasks for children under ten is to work out what they can do and how they fit into the world. Am I a chump or champ? is a question that concerns many children. Praise has been promoted as the predominant parental tool to boost children’s self esteem. But like any tool it can be misused and indeed overused so that it becomes ineffective.

I have my concerns about praise as a successful parenting strategy. Yes, it can be overused however I have never met an adult who says that they can’t cope because they were overpraised as a child. But too much praise can be demotivating. If a child is told everything he does is FANTASTIC then how will he ever really know when he has done something that really is fantastic. Sometimes mediocrity needs to be recognised rather than boosted to another level.

I also have a hunch that overpraising kids also makes them dependent on others for their self-esteem. I have seen kids brought up on lavish diets of praise always checking in with their parents and teachers about how they are progressing. Constant comments such as “Is this good, Mum? Did I do well, Dad?” are signs of praise-dependent kids. You may say does this matter? I am not sure, but I think the more kids depend on others for their feelings of self-worth the more likely they are to be open to peer-pressure later on. Peers replace parents as people to please.

Encouragement is a far more powerful esteem-building tool than praise and it doesn’t have the adverse side effects. The differences are slim but important. Encouragement focuses on the process of what a child does whereas praise focuses on the end result. Encouraging comments focus on effort, improvement, involvement, enjoyment, contribution or displays confidence whereas praise concerns itself with good results. An encouraging parent gives children feedback about their performance but they ensure the feedback is realistic and they work from positives rather than negatives. An encouraging parent will note a child’s efforts in toilet-training and recognise that mistakes are part of the learning process so they are not too fussed about the results. Praise however is saved for a clean nappy and a full potty. Encouragement recognises that a child is participating and enjoying a game while praise focuses on winning or a fine performance. Okay, the differences are academic and it may seem like splitting hairs but the results on the potty, in a game or even at the kitchen table should concern children more than they do adults. As soon as we become more concerned about results than children we move into areas of children’s concern and out of areas of our concern. In short, praise is about control and encouragement is about influence.

In some ways kids can become saturated by encouragement just as they can by praise. And of course some children need more encouragement (or praise) than others. Certainly there are times in kids’ lives just as there are times in adults lives when an encouraging word is needed more than others. But the art of encouragement (or praising ) is about giving it when it is needed and when it is due rather than giving it thoughtlessly and with little meaning.

The use of encouragement, like praise, requires some moderation and restraint for it to be effective. Just as a child who gorges himself on lollies will soon lose interest in something that was once a treat a child who is praised for every little deed will eventually need a veritable phrase book of positives to get him motivated.

Michael Grose

You can learn more about the wonderful art of encouragement so that you can continuously boost your child's self-confidence in Michael's ebook - Encouragement, which is available at WWW.Parentingideas.com.au .

Michael Grose is a leading parenting educator. He is the author of six books and over 300 parenting columns in magazines and newspapers in three contintents.

For more practical ideas to help you raise happy kids and resilient young people visit WWW.Parentingideas.com.au. While you are there subscribe to Happy Kids, Michael's free email newsletter and receive free report - sven ways to beat sibling rivalry.

10 Steps To Prepare You For Life With Children

2007-07-28T07:52:00.000-04:00

It's hard to explain to the uninitiated the changes that a child will bring to your life - nothing is quite the same again. If you are an expectant father (or even mother) or just considering the prospect of parenthood, do the following 10-step program so you can learn what you're in for.

1. Go to the nearest doctor's surgery, pharmacy, clothes store, shoe store or sports store and empty your wallet onto the counter. This will be a regular occurrence well into the next millennium. The method of transaction may change but the continuous action of handing over your money will not.

2. Set your alarm for midnight, then every hour after that. Get up and walk to the furthest bedroom because that is what you will do at some stage, either to feed a baby or return a night-stalker to his room. Let your workmates see you with sleep deprivation - they will get used to it.

3. Put on your best clothes, mash a banana with custard and pour the contents over yourself. Smear it in. This will help your prepare for feeding time with a toddler. Don't bother smearing food over your old or worn-out clothes because kids won't spill anything on them. They know when you're wearing your best oufit before they strike.

4. Arrange a simple outing. Perhaps to have a quick drink with a friend. Give yourself two hours to prepare. Make sure you dress yourself in five minutes so you can spend the rest of the time packing the car. Make sure you pack food. Go out to the car and come back. Repeat this process again and again. Then drive round the block and return. You need to get used to forgetting some object such a child's favourite blanket or teddy.

5. Grab a book, sit down and open it. Make sure you get to an absorbing or exciting part, then get up to do part of a jigsaw puzzle, or turn on the tap for a child who wants a drink, or put together a 1000-piece Lego pirate ship. Return to your book but don't read any further. Go into the kitchen and chop up an orange or an apple for snack food. Go back to your book but don't read any further. Get up and yell something about not fighting because you're trying to relax.

6. Stand in front of the mirror and verbally abuse yourself. Tell yourself that you are silly, that you are unfair and that you really hate yourself. Your kids will tell you if you won't.

7. Cover your hands with jam and wander through the house, touching as many items of furniture as possible. Rub your hands along the walls. Turn on the TV and push the channel buttons a few times. Step in puddles then come inside and walk over your best chairs.

8. Bring in a load of tools and tip them over the middle of the living room floor. Leave them there all day.

9. Take three untrained puppies shopping with you - but not on a lead. Buy what you need without letting them out of your sight.

10. Put a snake on your lap next time you phone a friend. This is what your child as a two year-old will feel like whenever you make a call. Next time you want to make a call, wait two hours before picking up the phone. This is the average length of a teenager's phone conversation. Get used to it because that is how long you will have to wait to make your own call.

A LITTLE SUNDAY HUMOR: KIDS IN CHURCH

2007-06-27T10:14:00.000-04:00

A four-year-old Catholic boy was playing with a four-year-old Protestant girl in a children's pool in the backyard. They splashed each other, got very wet and decided to take their wet clothes off. The little boy looked at the little girl and said, "Golly, I didn't know there was that much difference between Catholics and Protestants."

~~~~~

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently his five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said, "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnnn. . . and into the hole you goooo."

~~~~~

The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces and laid it upon the altar. And then Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times. "Now, said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?"

A little girl raised her hand with great enthusiasm and said "To make the gravy!"

Top Ten Things My Six Year-Old Son Has Taught Me

2007-05-27T10:11:00.000-04:00

I've learned numerous, important lessons on life, motherhood and men by being the mommy of a little boy...

1) Boys really can and will go to the bathroom anywhere. Some of them seem to really like going outside.

2) When little boys tell you they have to go to the bathroom "RIGHT NOW," they honestly mean it... They either can't hold or refuse to try to hold it like little girls can.

3) Boys can fake cry just as good as girls. My son actually practices his facial expressions in the mirror - like the sad, hopeless look designed to evoke sympathy and the scrunched up, tears are coming, "I'm really hurt" face, or the mean glare with his little cheeks puffed out as he grits his teeth determined not to smile...

4) It's true that boys hit harder than girls even when they're just playing around... I think it's a testosterone thing.

5) Leaving the toilet seat up is a habit males are born with. Most mommies will begin the battle to get them to put it down before they go to kindergarten. And many moms will still be in the battle with their sons when they graduate high school. It's a war we seldom win. My six year-old son rationalizes it like this: "Mommy you should feel lucky that I lift the seat up - Because if I didn't, when you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and it's really dark, just think how mad you would be if I peed with the seat down..."

6) It doesn't matter whether you're four years-old or 40, if you're a girl who can play kickball as good as the boys, you are COOL.

7) Even though we carried our sons in our wombs for nine months and went through the excruciating pain of childbirth to bring these delightful little boys into the world, threatening these miniature men with the phrase -

"I brought you into this world and I can take you out..."

instills much more fear in them when their fathers (or other prominent male figure in their life) say it.

8) But the fact that WE were the ones who were pregnant and WE were the parent who actually gave birth to these wondrous baby males, does give us their loyalty, partiality and perhaps biased support in disputes with their fathers (or any man).

9) If you are a single mother of a little boy, he will not think you are incapable of doing the things that are traditionally "guy" things - like fishing, going to the races, playing in the mud, tossing baseball or football, working on your car etc...

(Unless you show him that you can't do stuff like that or you choose not to attempt activities conventionally associated with men.)

10) There is nothing in this world comparable to the way it makes a mommy feel to have the unconditional, pure, innocent love of her little boy.

Resource Box - © Danielle Hollister (2004) is the Publisher of BellaOnline Quotations Zine - A free newsletter for quote lovers featuring more than 10,000 quotations in dozens of categories like - love, friendship, children, inspiration, success, wisdom, family, life, and many more

Eye-Opening Questions for Working Parents to Ask

2007-04-27T10:10:00.000-04:00

I remember watching my 18-month-old son eat a big frosted cookie while I was carrying him out of the bakery. I asked him, “Can you give mommy a bite?” He leaned over and gently bit me on the cheek.

Kids take things so literally. What misconceptions and concerns might your child have about their working parent?

An in-depth study was done through the Families and Work Institute, to find out what children want from their working parents. Wouldn’t you think the study would show that kids want more time with working parents above all else? Surprise. They want their working parents to be less stressed. That’s right. Less stressed. It makes sense. Doesn’t it? Think of how you feel after spending time with stressed-out people.

Balancing the needs of work and family isn’t easy. It takes skill, planning, and a lot of positive communication. Even then, it’s easy to get stressed by time constraints and conflicting demands, especially around the holidays.

Try asking your kids these eight questions. Their answers might surprise you.

* Where do I work?
* What do you suppose I do at work?
* Why do you think I go to work?
* What would it be like if I didn’t work?
* What do you like about me going to work?
* What’s the hardest part for you about me going to work?
* In what ways would you like things to be different?
* How do you suppose I feel about working?

Your family life will be enriched when you open communication by letting kids express their thoughts and ideas. Read the do’s and don’ts to prepare for an eye-opening conversation.

- Don’t insist on asking every question in one sitting. Continue as long as your child is interested in the conversation.

- Expect the unexpected. You may be delighted by some of your child’s thoughts and dismayed by others. Five-year-old, Bryan, told his dad with complete sincerity, “I think you go to work so you can be with friends your own age.”

- See your child’s negative responses as feedback to consider, instead of criticism.

- Don’t shut down communication, when you don’t like what you hear. Allowing your kids to fully express themselves will strengthen your relationship. Let them feel comfortable sharing their thoughts with you, even the scary or angry ones. Don’t make your kids fear your reaction.

- Acknowledge your child’s feelings. Suppose she says, “I think you go to work because you don’t like to be with me.” Resist the urge to cut her off with, “You know that’s not true!” Be helpful by saying, “I didn’t know you felt that way. Would you like to know how I feel about it? . . .”

- Focus on listening more than you talk. It’s easy for me to talk on and on about what I’m passionate about. What I’ve found is, the more I talk, the less my kids listen. They tune me out. Don’t overwhelm kids with too much information. Give brief and age appropriate responses.

- Encourage kids to guess when they aren’t sure how to answer a question. It takes the pressure off and makes the questions more playful.

- There isn’t always a quick fix to resolving conflict. When kids feel insecure or unhappy about family issues, don’t expect one conversation to clear everything up. It takes time for kids and adults to break out of old habits of thinking.

- If you are a stay-at-home parent, shed a positive light on the parent who works outside the home. I still remember the warm feelings I had when my mom would say, “Your daddy works so hard for his family.” Parents, whether married or divorced, working outside or inside the home, will reduce tension by showing appreciation for the positives of the other parent.

- The question, “What would it be like if I didn’t work?” may reveal your child’s favorite things to do. If she answers, “We would sing songs or play make-believe or read books,” you can sprinkle those activities into the time you have at home.

- Help kids understand that working is another way of taking care of them by providing financial support. It can be a model for achieving a sense of fulfillment and contribution to society. Don’t create fear around the need to work. Instead focus on the needs it meets.

- When your child shares feelings of hardship with having a working parent, show compassion not pity. Pity makes a child feel pitiful and feeds their insecurities. Talk about how the child wishes things could be. Possibly make changes to ease the hard parts for them and for yourself.

- Follow up the discussion with a visit to your workplace. If that’s not possible, show your child a picture of your workplace, or paint a picture with your words so they can imagine where you are when you aren’t home. This creates security for kids, replacing fear of the unknown with a positive image.

Tensions are reduced when kids and parents share their thoughts and ideas. Balancing work and family is tricky business, and well worth the efforts.

Marilyn Suttle shows you how to create satisfying work and family relationships, increase self esteem and self care. Marilyn shares delightful stories filled with useful skills and principles. She has presented programs to corporations both large and small, including Fortune 500 companies such as Ford Motor Company, Visteon Corporation, and Pfizer Pharmaceuticals. She delivers programs that enlighten, entertain and empower.Email her at Marilyn@SuttleOnline.NET. Subscribe to her Free monthly e-newsletter by visiting her web site: WWW.SuttleOnline.NET.

It can be said that any man who procreates is a father, whether present in that child’s life or not

2007-03-27T10:09:00.000-04:00

It can be said that any man who procreates is a father, whether present in that child’s life or not. While this is technically true, it really takes a man to be a dad!

There is nothing more insulting than a cavalier man thinking he has every right in the world to see the child he helped to create, but was never there for him or her. It is as if he or she is obligated to him like that of a debt.

As a child of a broken home and now as a father myself, I know the purest definition of being a dad is the time spent with your child that will always prevail in the end.

Would you remember your father more if he was a millionaire but never there, or a near-penniless man who spent time with you and showed you the love you needed?

To me, it’s a no brainer!

However, many dynamics can and do interfere with being a dad. Turmoil-ridden marriages, separations, relocations, resentment from the child, and the ever-abundant brainwashing of a child to hate.

So if you’re a father doing his best to be a dad, how do you overcome such obstacles?

Do everything in your power to maintain the bond you have with your child! If that means following that child to Timbuktu and lose your career, getting on better terms with the child’s mother, or simply putting more time into strengthening the father-child relationship.

If there is anything I can take from my own father, is that of sporadic appearances and child support from over 2000 miles away never satisfied my need for a dad. Today, as a 32 yr. old man, it has never been so evident how important a dad is in a child’s life. My humble opinion is that I would have had a lot less security issues had a dad been present in my childhood.

When your child was created, that little person should have been the most important part of your existence and to vow never to break that mindset should have been paramount. The seriousness of having a child from the conception and subsequently recognizing his or her importance could be the factor with dead beat dads in most cases.

How do you rank your values?

Simply put, if you’re ranked above your child, you’re not being a dad, you’re the father of that child who simply donated your sperm for his or her life.

Instead of just being a donor to another’s life, commit to taking the time to know your child and let them get to know you no matter what the conditions.

With this in mind, you will be doing the most important job of your life and that is helping the life you created become a loving, well adjusted person who can pass these parenting traits down to the next generation.

After all, isn’t that what being a dad is all about?

by Brian Maloney-ValuePrep.com

Want to improve your personal values? Get high-quality relationship advice for guys and women from a 'Logical' standpoint.

Visit ValuePrep - Relationship Advice

You may think once your child has gone off to school full-time (officially a First-Grader) that he/she no longer needs you...

2007-02-27T10:08:00.000-05:00

You may think once your child has gone off to school full-time (officially a First-Grader) that he/she no longer needs you...

You could not be more wrong...

Just consider the following three benefits of being an active part of your child's new school life.

1) You get to see your child more than before and after school. Whether you feel that you need this interaction or not, your child will surely appreciate it.

2) You get to know your child's classmates. You can better identify with who and what he/she is talking about when they come home from school.

3) You get to meet your child's various teachers, principals, school nurses, school secretaries etc... basically every adult who has any interaction with your child. These relationships alone can prove valuable in keeping you "in the loop" with what's really going on at school.

If these three basic reasons are not enough to motivate you, consider this: If you are not the parent volunteer for your child's class, somebody else will be... and thus they will know more about your child and his/her activities at school than you will. After raising and nurturing your child for the past five or six year, is this what you really want?

Resource Box - © Danielle Hollister (2004) is the Publisher of BellaOnline Quotations Zine - A free newsletter for quote lovers featuring more than 10,000 quotations in dozens of categories like - love, friendship, children, inspiration, success, wisdom, family, life, and many more

How can two or three children in the same family be so different?

2007-01-26T08:48:00.000-05:00

How can two or three children in the same family be so different? They are brought up in the same broad social environment, under a similar set of rules and an identical family value system. They also come from the same genetic pool yet they can be so different in personality, interests and achievement. While they may be born into the same family they are not born into the same position. The effects of their birth position have a significant impact on children, their behavior and their personalities. In order to really understand children it is useful to look at how their position in the family impacts on their development.

If we look at the big three in birth order – first, middle and youngest – we will notice that children born in each position share a similar set of characteristics. Note that birth order presents possibilities only for parents. Also only children share similar birth order characteristics to first borns – they are super first borns.

First borns are often more motivated to achieve than later borns. A greater percentage of first borns end up in the professions such as medicine and law. They go for jobs where determination, strong powers of concentration and discipline are valued. First borns are born into a pressured yet treasured position. They are usually the objects of great delight in a family – they are the first. Parents and grandparents often overdo everything with first borns. There is an air of expectancy even before their birth. Names are chosen half way through the pregnancy and photo albums are filled as baby’s every special moment is captured on film. They are the centre of attention, which is an obvious plus if you are a first-born child.

The flipside to this adulation is that first borns are coached, prodded and pushed to perform. The expectations are high for first borns, particularly first-born boys, so pressure is something they know all about. It is no coincidence that anecdotal evidence suggest that first born males tend to be lower risk-takers as learners than girls or those in other birth positions. First-born boys fear failure so they often steer away from areas where they can’t excel. Interestingly, some first borns confuse excellence with perfectionism and won’t try unless they can do the perfect job. These kids drive their parents and teachers nuts as they just won’t move out of their comfort zones to take a few risks and even (shock, horror) mess up. This is first-born thing.

First borns are trailblazers for parents and for the children to follow. Parents are usually hardest on their first borns in terms of discipline and they loosen up as they move further down the family. First borns usually don’t react well to the arrival of the second born. To parents the arrival of another child means a playmate for their eldest. To the first born the arrival of another child means only one thing –DETHRONEMENT. You can read the headlines: “The emperor loses his crown.” Well not quite. The first-born child does everything in his of her power to retain the favoured first position. He will point out the failings of the second born to his parents. In all likelihood as he grows up the first born may well be less than pleasant to this intruder –particularly if they are both boys.

According to Kevin Leman author of The New Birth Order Book there are two types of first borns. The first are the compliant nurturers and caregivers. These children love to please and also love to do well in school as they have a high need for mum or dad’s approval. They also like to look after and care for other children. These compliant nurturers are more likely to be girls. Parents often rely heavily on their first borns and let them take much of the responsibility around the home.

The second types of first borns are the aggressive movers and shakers. These children are assertive, achievement-oriented and strong-willed. They are often boys who have the drive but not the skills to be effective leaders. Their bull-in-a-China-shop approach doesn’t always endear them to others.

The middle (and in all likelihood the second) child is influenced by his elder sibling. The one rule of thumb about birth order is that children are directly influenced by the sibling above and will differ from that sibling. Frank Sulloway, the author of Born To Rebel, puts it succinctly, when he says that the first rule of the sibling road is that first and second borns will be different in personality, interests and achievement. Generally, the middle or second will be what the first-born isn’t. If the first born is responsible the next in line may well be a pest. If the first born is serious, as they often are, the second borns may well be easy-going and gregarious.

Middle born children are victims of bad timing. Born too late to get the perks and privileges of being born first but too early to get the easy ride that youngest receive, middles often feel squeezed between these two siblings and wonder, “Why me?” or “Its not fair!” The positive side to middle borns is that as they are squeezed between two siblings they are good negotiators and generally develop an adept set of people skills. They are often more flexible as their lives tend to fit in more with the first born. Also they tend to spend more time with children away from their family to avoid the frustration of being an outsider in the family. Middle children subsequently can end up with more friends than their elder sibling.

Middle born children, particularly if they are surrounded by other boys often become the free spirit or the child most likely to upset (annoy, hassle) his siblings. If you have three children sitting quietly watching television and you suddenly hear a yelp coming from the television room you can bet that the middle child has disturbed the peace in some way. Perhaps he has thumped the youngest or flicked the eldest with a ruler or some foreign object. Middles can be like that! They like to get even!

Parents need to be aware of the need to make middle children feel SPECIAL. Take photos of just them, and not the whole pack. Make sure you spend time with just them. Help them find their special talent that they don’t share with their siblings (that should be easy as they often stand apart).

Youngest children in the family are typically charmers and manipulators. They love to get their own way – and they invariably do. They are in the fortunate position of having a sibling break their parents in for them and they don’t have the pressures of the first born. Their birth is not the big event as was the first born’s arrival. Parents are still thinking of a name when they are putting the birth notice for the youngest in the paper. “Ah what will we call him? Jarrod will do. Yeah, that sounds fine.”

Youngest are often babied, spoiled, affectionate, outgoing and uncomplicated. The pressure is off the last borns in terms of having to meet their parents’ high expectations so they are more likely to achieve in their own ways. Creative, artistic pursuits are full of later or last borns, whereas firstborns are more likely to end up in positions of leadership. One of the traits many last borns share is persistence. They learn when they are young that if they persist with what they want they will outlast their siblings and wear their parents down eventually. Persistence is a characteristic that pays off for this group.

Last borns tend to be more impetuous – they act now and worry about the repercussions later. The positive is that they are more likely to stretch themselves and try new experiences than their siblings. The negative aspect for boys is that their tendency to jump first and think later on can be downright dangerous. Youngest born girls can often be babied and have their parents jumping through hoops to satisfy them.

Last borns can appear a little self-centred, which is probably due to the fact that they tend to do less at home to help others. There are bigger, more capable siblings at home to take all the responsibilities so youngest children can easily grow up with an ‘I’m here to be served’ attitude. It is important to give youngest borns plenty of opportunities to help around the home.

The position a child in his family holds is a predictor only of personality, but a powerful predictor nonetheless. It is definitely a factor that parents need to consider as we look for ways to raise happy, well-adjusted and confident children.

Michael Grose is an authority on birth order and affects on children’s personalities, interests and achievements. Read more about how birth order affects personality and behaviour in his brand new book Why first borns rule the world and last borns want to change it. You can purchase it for only $27.50 at WWW.Parentingideas.com.au

The Symtoms Of Meningitis And Septicaemia

2006-12-26T08:17:00.000-05:00

Meningitis is an inflammation of the membranes around the brain and spinal cord. It is caused by either a virus or bacteria.

Viral meningitis is usually mild and does not require medical treatment. Bacterial meningitis however can be life-threatening and can come on very quickly. Children under five are most likely to be affected and sadly some of these will die.

There are several types of bacteria that can cause meningitis, the most common being meningococcal bacteria. Most of carry this bacteria in our noses and throats without becoming ill. The bacteria can be passed through kissing, sneezing and coughing. Only if the bacteria reaches the blood stream does the person contract meningitis and/or septicaemia - most people who get meningitis will also get septicaemia.

Mercifully, meningitis and septicaemia cases are quite rare. However, it is important to know the symptoms as early treatment is vital.

Symptoms

High temperature - above 99.5°F/37.5°C.
Extreme sleepiness - difficulty in waking baby.
Headache.
Staring expression
Dislike of bright lights
Stiff neck
Difficulty breathing, or fast breathing.
Shivering.
Vomiting.
Purpley-red or brown rash.
Cold hands and feet.
Bulging soft spot (fontanelle).
Blotchy skin getting paler or turning blue.
A high-pitched or moaning cry.
Abnormally stiff body with jerky movements.

A septicaemia rash usually starts as purpley-red or brown pinpricks on the skin anywhere on the body. To check whether the rash is a sign of septicaemia, press a clear glass against the rash. Other rashes will fade, if this one does not do so it is likely to be septicaemia.

Kids and Sports: Fundamentals First

2006-11-26T08:10:00.000-05:00

Would you hand a child calculus problems once she was able to count to ten? A geometry text when he began to recognize shapes? War and Peace as soon as she could recite her ABCs? Of course not! Not only is it preposterous to have such expectations of a child, but also it sets up the child for failure — and, most likely, a dread of and distaste for calculus, geometry, and reading.

Yet all too many children are enrolled in gymnastics, karate, dance classes, and organized sports before they’ve mastered such basic movements as bending and stretching, walking with correct posture, and bouncing and catching a ball. How is that significantly different from expecting a child who’s barely learned to speak to recite the Declaration of Independence — for an audience, no less?

The fact that a little one can walk doesn’t necessarily mean he’s ready to successfully — or fearlessly — walk a balance beam. Because a toddler is flexible enough to get her big toe into her mouth, that doesn’t mean she’s ready for ballet’s pliés and relevés. Even if a five-year-old can run circles around you, it doesn’t mean he’s prepared to simultaneously run and dribble a ball in a fast-paced game of soccer. And how much sense does it make to enroll an eight-year-old in competitive softball while she’s still demonstrating an improper throwing form?

The basic motor skills — nonlocomotor (stationary, like bending and stretching), locomotor (traveling, like walking or hopping), and manipulative (object control, like bouncing and catching a ball) — have been called the ABCs of movement. And, just as we wouldn’t expect children to begin reading without the ability to identify letters of the alphabet, we shouldn’t expect children to take part in certain structured physical activities without first experiencing success with the ABCs of movement.

Movements — from the simple to the complex — are like building blocks. You must have the foundation laid before you can construct the ground floor. You’ve got to have the ground floor completed before the rest of the building can be erected. Similarly, a logical progression of motor skills is essential if children are to achieve optimal motor development. If they skip the prerequisites, they may never progress successfully from one level of skill development to the next.

Moreover, bad habits acquired early in life are likely to persist throughout an entire lifetime. For example, the young pitcher who hasn’t yet acquired a mature level of throwing isn’t likely to lose his bad habits simply because he’s required to pitch one or two games a week. Rather, the odds are these bad habits will simply become more and more ingrained as time goes on — a situation that could have ripple-effect consequences for years to come. He could, for instance, develop shoulder problems that prevent him not only from pitching in high school and beyond but also from taking part in recreational and fitness activities as an adult.

In the course of a lifetime, it is from the prenatal period through age five that children acquire and best learn the basic motor skills. The most sensible course of action, therefore, is to ensure children learn them correctly during this period. The least sensible strategy is for children to learn incorrectly or only to a certain, low level and expect them to correct their errors or improve their skill level merely because they age chronologically. Writing in the International Journal of Physical Education, motor development specialist and professor Carl Gabbard states: “In contemporary motor development literature, the period of early childhood is associated with the fundamental movement phase of motor behavior. This is a unique period in the lifespan due primarily to the emergence of fundamental movement abilities which establish the foundation upon which more complex movement skills are possible later in life.”

In other words, fundamentals first. Children should walk before they run. They should bend and stretch before they twist and dodge. They should throw for distance before throwing for accuracy. Static movement (balancing on tiptoes or hitting a ball off a tee) should precede dynamic movement (walking a balance beam or hitting a pitched ball). And children should definitely succeed at single actions (like bouncing a ball) before attempting combinations of them (simultaneously running and bouncing a ball).

Still, a study conducted at Northern Kentucky University found that almost half (49%) of children ages five to eight lacked the minimum skills necessary to play organized sports. And yet there are millions of five-to-eight-year-old — not to mention three– and four-year-old — children who are playing (or trying to play) organized sports. There are millions of others participating in dance, gymnastics, karate, and more who similarly lack the requisite skills.

Of course, if a child is involved in sports, dance, gymnastics, and such, there’s even more reason to ensure she’s able to successfully perform the fundamentals. First, fundamentals are the prerequisites to sport-specific, dance, and gymnastic skills. If a child can’t perform a skill required by her chosen activity, the chances are excellent she hasn’t sufficiently learned a prerequisite skill. Second — and perhaps more important — children who are successful in physical activities continue in those physical activities and others.

Rae Pica is a children’s physical activity specialist and the author of Your Active Child: How to Boost Physical, Emotional, and Cognitive Development through Age-Appropriate Activity (McGraw-Hill, 2003). Rae speaks to parent and education groups throughout North America. You can visit her at http://www.movingandlearning.com.

Naming Your Baby Is Part of The Challenge of Being a Parent

2006-10-26T08:05:00.000-04:00

Baby names are as diverse as the people to whom they are given. Choosing the right name for your baby can be a very challenging yet fun exercise! This is my story.

Before I was married I used to work as a midwife in a Labor Ward. I have helped deliver over 1,000 babies. It was an awesome feeling every time I placed the baby in the mother's arms for the first time. Often I would ask, 'What's your baby's name?' The mother would look up at me with such pride and say, 'His (or her) name is....'. I loved sharing their joy. Seeing the mother snuggle up to her baby and announcing her baby's name!

I was destined to be married! An unmistakable inner thought filled my mind at the age of sixteen. I knew then that I would do nurses' training, two years of bible college and then I would get married and go to Ethiopia as a missionary.

Bill, my husband-to-be, had been a single missionary in Ethiopia for five years. While praying one time, a strong impression came to him that God would give him a wife when he returned to Australia on leave. Bill stopped in Singapore on the way home and bought the engagement and wedding rings. He had just enough money left to buy a watch, and the brand name of the watch was “Rebekah”. As Bill was reading the story of Rebekah in the Bible, this verse stood out “Just as I led Abraham’s servant to find a wife for Isaac, I will lead you to your future wife.” (Genesis, chapter 24) Hang in there! I am telling you this story so that you will understand why we named one of our daughters Rebecca!

Bill arrived back in Australia and decided to visit the bible college where he had trained. On the way, Bill heard an inner voice saying, “She is in the college.” He prayed a prayer similar to Abraham’s servant, “Lord, let it be the first girl I meet.” I was the first girl he met! We were so sure of God’s plan for our lives that the next time we met we were engaged.

A few months later we were married and on our way as newly weds to work in an isolated area southwest of the capital, Addis Ababa, in Ethiopia. After three challenging years we flew home because of the imminent birth of our eldest child. We named her Leanne Maree. Leanne was a name we always wanted if we had a girl. Maree was chosen because the night we were engaged we went to see the movie, ‘The Sound of Music’ and Maree was our modern version of Maria in the musical.

We were back in Ethiopia for the birth of our second child. An American doctor helped bring Carolyn Joy into the world, in a remote Ethiopian hospital. To minimize the risk of infection, the doctor advised me to only stay in the hospital for one hour after giving birth. The nicest thing about the experience was bringing our little bundle of joy home! Carolyn Joy was named after the doctor's daughter.

With each pregnancy we expected a boy! We wanted to call him Peter, because Peter’s character in the Bible reminded me of myself. He was outgoing, loving, passionate and spoke his mind. We did not have ultrasound in Ethiopia to determine the sex of the baby so we anxiously waited to see if we would have a Leanne or Peter. When Carolyn was coming it was Carolyn or Peter. I was pregnant again when we left Ethiopia at the beginning of the communist’s occupation. This time it would be Peter Andrew or Rebecca Grace. Rebecca Grace won – she was named after Bill’s watch brand, Rebekah, and Grace is my second name!

With three beautiful girls we both agreed that Peter was not to be! Until one night I was reading from the Bible and these words stood out, “Next year you will have a son.” Peter Andrew was born nine months later.

No doubt if you are having a child or have had children you can tell a story of how you came to choose your baby’s name. Choosing the right baby name is one of the biggest decisions you will have to make in life.

Talking of names! Another big decision you will have to make is whether you will have your name written down in Heaven. The Bible says clearly that the moment you come alive spirituality and become God’s child your name is written down in Heaven. When you become his child, your name is recorded in his family register. A cartoon flash presentation on my website (www.ydyc.org) will show you how you can become God’s child and have your name written down in Heaven. You can be sure of your final destiny.

Wilma Watson is the producer of the cartoon website: http://www.ydyc.org

She has a passion to help people reach their maximum potential through making spirituality simple and fun.

Choosing the right name for your baby can be a very challenging yet fun exercise! This her my story.