Kikki's Writing Spot

Welcome to 2010

2010-01-08T16:04:00.000-08:00

Well, the holiday season is coming to a close and everyone is slowly making their way back into their everyday routines. Here we are in 2010; remember when that seemed so futuristic? Everyone was going to be travelling around in flying cars, the house was going to be run by some computer that would do everything for you and the food was supposed to be prepared and cooked in seconds by some wiz-bang machine. Still, we were kids.

My life is not quite what I had pictured it to be as a child. Not that this is a bad thing, necessarily. It does make you think, though, doesn't it. As we get older, and hopefully wiser, we realise that our time is important and shouldn't be wasted on the things that are trivial. Is it really that tragic if someone jumps the queue or if that delivery doesn't happen until tomorrow?

2010 is not only a new year but also a new decade. Maybe this year is the one to make all those changes in your life. The ones you never get around to doing because something else more important always comes up. Perhaps they arn't as important as you think.

Life is too important to waste on things that don't really matter. Maybe all those annoying frustrations are just distracting us from the reason we are here, from what we are really meant to be doing. Whatever that might happen to be. Knowing what that is, the first step. Having the courage to actually do it, is really living.

May 2010 be your year.

The Table - A short story

2009-11-14T18:48:00.000-08:00

Caitlin turned her empty wine glass in circles as she sat at the restaurant's table, her light blue eyes dark with concentration. The restaurant was scattered with patrons, most of them couples, deep in conversation over wine and lamb or salmon.

The establishment was fresh and clean, a new place that had opened only a year ago. The colors where soft, subtle grays and tans that blended with the greenery of large potted plants and floral displays.

Modern, square plates were presented to customers on large silver trays by staff wearing crisp charcoal uniforms and chocolate brown aprons.

As Caitlin sat waiting, she sighed heavily. Her eyes darted to the entrance, watching for her companion. She had known this time would come for a while now, but that made it no less difficult. Telling someone you wanted to end a five-year relationship was never easy, but when that someone had no idea it coming, it was brutal.

She glanced again to the doorway, and her stomach twisted at the sight of Jarred heading towards her. She instantly forced a smile, and he smiled back. As he approached the table, he brought his hand from behind his back, revealing six blood red long stemmed roses tied with raffia. "For you."

Caitlin took them, lifting them to her nose. The aroma was strong and fragrant, the color flawless. "They're gorgeous, thank you," she said, forcing another smile.

Jarred seated himself opposite her, looking over the menu. "Sorry I'm a little late," he said, glancing up with a smile. "I forgot the traffic would be hell with everyone heading to the footy."

Caitlin laid the roses beside her and studied her own menu.

"Anyway, I'm here," Jarred continued, relaxing into his seat. Caitlin stayed silent, focused on her menu. The silence hovered until Jarred gave a sigh, leaning forward. "You're quiet. You okay?"

Caitlin looked up. "No, I'm fine… I just… I need to talk to you about something."

The approach of the waiter prevented a response. They gave their orders, both choosing light dishes of Cesar salad and deciding on a soft, fruity wine.

As the waiter headed off, Jarred turned to her. "So. You wanted to talk to me about something?" He reached over and took her hand.

She fought not to pull her hand away. Not because she disliked his touch but because she felt like such a hypocrite. Any woman in their right mind would give their eyeteeth to have a man like Jarred in their lives. He was strong but sensitive, funny but he knew when to be serious, generous but didn't let people walk all over him…

It sounded like she thought he was perfect, with no faults, and that wasn't how she saw him. Not really. He was just a fantastic person, who she couldn't be with anymore.

"What's up?" Jarred pressed.

"I'm sorry," she began, "I'm just really finding this hard."

Jarred tightened his grip on her hand slightly. "Hey, you know you can talk to me about anything. What's wrong?"

Caitlin squirmed, glancing at the doorway in desperation. "This isn't working, Jarred… I just,"

"You wanna go, would that be better?"

She shook her head, shifting in the chair. "No Jarred, that's not what I mean. I can't do this anymore. I can't be with you."

The silence was almost tangible, thick and gooey. It seemed to cloud her vision, block her senses; the only thing she knew was the lack of sound.

Then suddenly the response came, and she wished for the silence again.

"You brought me here for that? What… You gotta be kidding." He released her hand and fell back into the chair, gazing blankly around the restaurant.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know…"

He lent forward again, looking straight into her eyes. "Don't."

Without another word, he stood and walked away. Caitlin stared after him, and then bolted from the table.

The atmosphere hovering around the table slowly dissipated, the minutes clearing the mood. Before long a waiter approached the table, clearing and preparing it for new patrons.

The young woman took in the roses laying at her setting, and glanced shyly at her date. "They're beautiful," she said, picking them up.

Horrified, the young man stared at the waiter for help. Ever the perfect servant, the experienced man gently touched the woman's arm.

"Shall I put them in water for you madam?"

Living with a Hearing Loss

2009-11-14T14:57:00.000-08:00

Hearing Loss. You say those words, and most of us have an idea of what it means.. or do we?

It is invisible so therefore it's not the first thing we notice about someone. I might give you a strange smile, nod when I shouldn't and start chatting about something a little off the conversational track. It sometimes makes me look rather stupid, which in turn causes me to try and compensate by attempting to talk my way out of it...

But I'm getting ahead of myself here. A hearing loss is not the end of the world, by any means, but it is misunderstood. So lets start at the beginning... Waking up.

My new alarm clock is great, as my iphone is plugged into it and will light up before the songs start - blasting the whole complex with music. My cat silently meows until I feed her, and I sit watching the morning news while I have my breakfast with the sound all a-muffle.
I get ready for the day and check my phone, in case I missed a call or message from work. And then I put my Hearing Aids in. I hear my cat scratching at her litter box, the sound of the TV from the living room, and realise it is raining today.

The bus ride to the office can be hard work. A neighbour is on the same bus this morning so I am concentrating overtime to converse correctly. I start by choosing a seat where I can sit opposite her. Now I can watch her, trying to lip read as much as I can. The background sounds drowns out a lot of the conversation, but I'm not doing too badly. I fill in the gaps of the sentences as best I can, just like the game Wheel of Fortune.

At the office the day gets under way, with the phones starting and the clients attending for their appointments. The sounds of the day take over and I find myself slipping into my own little work-world, busying myself with paperwork and other tasks to be done. Suddenly a voice catches my attention, sounding irritated at my lack of response. When the question is repeated, it's done loudly and with annoyance forcing me to be apologetic.

Lunch time today means a trip to McDonald's - naughty, but why not! I stand in line to be served, my mind going over the tasks I need to complete before the end of the day. Someone behind me taps my shoulder, making me look up at the girl waiting to serve me. Her look shows irritation; she's busy and I'm holding her up. I place my order, nodding to a question I don't hear. She waits, watching me with a puzzled expression and I realise that I have to ask her to repeat it. She does, but I still can't hear her over the sound of the children and the kitchen. I shake my head with embarrassment, my stress level rising, and ask her to repeat it one more time. This time I hear it, and mumble I'm eating in..

Back at work, the long afternoon is closing down and my boss is asking me something from her office. Without thinking I nod, "no problem" I say. I sit for a moment, knowing I have to confirm what she said. As she comes out of her office a few moments later, I check what she said; which is just as well as I had it really wrong. Her look is a genuine apology "I'm talking at the computer, as if you're gunna hear me! Sorry darl!"

The day winds down, and I head to the bus for home. It is Friday night, and I am tired from a week of concentrating. None of my "bus buddies" are on the bus tonight so I read my book, enjoying the escape. I don't have to strain to hear conversation so I get to switch the brain off a little.

I am finally home, my cat meowing for her dinner. The news captions are not quite up to speed, running a few sentences behind. I notice I'm tired enough to be missing a lot of what is said, which makes me grateful for the captions.

I make my way to bed, the last task of the night to take out my Hearing Aids. The sound of the toilet hissing and refilling instantly vanishes, the creak of the floorboards suddenly silent. The constant "ringing" of Tinnitus is immediately in full volume, slowly settling into the background.

I crawl into bed, snuggling down. The cat suddenly stops her wash to stare into the darkness at the doorway. I wonder if someone is breaking in but can't really be bothered worrying about it. At least if there is a party tonight, it won't wake me up. Unless of course they have lights blaring all night...