Killing Alice

And the hair grows...

2012-05-21T09:01:00.003-07:00

Yo dudes. Check this out. My hair is growing like WHOA. The last time I got a hair cut was in July 2011, and it was cut really short and tight to my head. I'm now able to put it up in a ponytail, which was ridiculously exciting for me. And it just keeps getting longer and longer! It's so great to have this part of my identity back... I've even been able to invest in some clip-in hair extensions for when I really want to have long hair again.

Cousin it?

Second Follow-Up Scan Update

2012-01-09T15:14:00.000-08:00

Six weeks ago I got my bi-annual CT scan. This was only the second scan since my treatments ended early last year, and to be honest I was pretty nervous about it. Nothing happened to warrant my anxiety; I had no symptoms alluding to a new occurrence. I've been living a completely normal life and going about my days as if cancer never happened. Well, today I got the results and the results were good: clean scan! The scar tissue from my tumor is still getting smaller, and there is no cancer. Yippity-freakin-yay!

So life is damn good. I suppose I will always be living with this fear in the back of my head, and every scan that I get I wind up thinking, "what if it came back?" But the truth is that I've been taking really great care of myself. I avoid processed foods, or anything with added hormones or chemicals. I've been exercising. I eliminate all forms of stress from my life. I surround myself with positivity and peacefulness.

I live my life this way because there is no other option for me. My life is so important to me now that every moment is like a gift to me. Sometimes I just sit and feel my breath going into my lungs and I am thankful. My life finally revolves around other things that don't involve getting back to my health. Things affect me again - work, relationships, friendships, personal growth - that never used to affect me because I was so focused on getting better. But now, even the painfully emotional moments or disappointment remind me that I am alive, and I am in a strange way so thankful for that.

To sum it up, nothing sucks after you've beaten cancer. Everything else besides the fact that you are healthy and alive is just peanuts.

Live on :)

Finally A Happy Birthday!

2011-08-11T06:28:00.000-07:00

Last week I celebrated my 24th birthday.

And unlike my birthday last year, I was happy to celebrate this time around. Could you blame me? Last year I barely had enough energy to smile every time someone wished me a happy birthday, let alone have the energy to celebrate like a true 23-year-old with drinking and late nights out with friends.

So what did I do this year? I had several "celebrations" that began with a night of drinks at this outside bar overlooked by the Brooklyn Bridge. I also had a more intimate gathering of friends for dinner the following weekend. My coworkers again presented me with some Crumbs cupcakes (my favorite) and I then ate about 6 of them (hey, it was my birthday after all!).

I have started living a normal life again, a life that doesn't involve cancer at all. I barely talk about it anymore, and I like it that way. I'm tired of being the "cancer patient" or "that girl who had cancer." I talk about it with people now as if my experience with cancer was like breaking my arm or something. I'll be so nonchalant about it. Truth is, I just want to put it all behind me now. Going through cancer has made me a stronger person and I'm thankful for that, but I now feel like the "C" word is something I don't even want to let leave my lips otherwise it will become real again, like no one wants to say 'Voldemort' in Harry Potter. (Did I just make a Harry Potter reference in my blog? Yupp)

I did meet one girl who I don't mind talking about cancer with- Rachel, who is also a 20-something recently cleared of lymphoma. Meeting her was a breath of fresh air because I finally have someone to talk to who completely understands everything I have been going through. Everyone knows someone who has been through cancer and they will try to talk to you like they understand, but they don't. It takes first-hand experience to truly understand how much going through cancer sucks, and not only did Rachel have the same diagnosis as me, but she also dealt with getting treatments while being young and starting her career in New York City (sound familiar!?). She just gets it! Anyway, she also blogs (much more than I do) and I really recommend you all read and follow it: http://theperseverancediaries.blogspot.com/

Anyway, since I've been a "normal human" I have been really living life to the fullest. I meditate almost every single day. I believe that stress was the cause of my cancer to begin with, so I do my best to not let my stress or emotions get the best of me. I try to stay at a constant state of peace and happiness. I have been going out with my friends and drinking and dating - probably way too much to be honest - but I have a lot to make up for! Food tastes good again, I can stay awake late, my hair keeps growing out, and I just have ENERGY. Life is beautiful again because I appreciate everything so much more than ever before! I appreciate being able to walk up stairs, for example. STAIRS. I literally think to myself, "wow this is amazing I can just walk up these things!" Funny huh? But not really... being a survivor makes you see the world through different eyes.

So on my birthday last week, all I could think was that last year I was already thinking ahead to that day and wondering if I would be healthy and cancer-free on my 24th birthday. And I was. It was probably the best wish come true.

One Year Ago Today (And Forward)

2011-06-22T10:43:00.000-07:00

Today is June 22, 2011.

This exact day last year the surgeon who performed the biopsy on my chest told me that I had Hodgkin Lymphoma. I remember that day so vividly - I was at a loss. I was just kind of in a daze the whole day after that, wondering what I was going to do and what was going to happen to me in the next year. I was trying to prepare myself and come to terms with what I was about to endure. I was going to undergo chemotherapy and radiation. I was going to be sick and slow. I was going to lose all my hair. I was going to be a cancer patient.

I remember when I was younger I used to used to think out the scenario of what it would be like if I was ever diagnosed with cancer. Maybe it's the daydreamer in me that thought about this, as morbid of a thought it is. Of course, these thoughts always remained just that - thoughts. I never actually imagined that something as serious as cancer would ever hit me. But it did.

This past year has been the most difficult year of my life. Aside from the cancer, and trying to beat it while living 3,000 miles away from my entire family, it has been a tough experience trying to settle into the "real world," too. I started my first job and for the first time I was getting paid to do the things I have been studying for and interning for over the past 5 years. It is not an easy transition from school to the "real world" and it's even more difficult when you're faced with a critical health issue.

But 6 months and 12 rounds of chemotherapy, 4 weeks of radiation, numerous PET and CT scans, dozens of doctor visits, scars on my chest, and thousands of dollars in medical bills later, I am finally healthy. My first follow-up PET scan revealed that the mass in my chest is still there, but not cancerous and continues to shrink. I remember sitting in the hospital chair, having my chemotherapy administered into my veins and just fantasizing about the moment my doctor told me that I was all clear of cancer.

I try not to reminisce too much about the past. I have enjoyed living a life that doesn't include heavy dosages of medication or being bald. I like being able to do anything I want without any physical or health restrictions. I just enjoy being a normal 23-year-old again! But there are parts of the cancer that still linger with me... most of all, the two scars on my chest (one from my biopsy, one from my port).

The scars are my daily reminder that I did indeed go through what I went through. Yes, cancer did happen to me. And I will have those scars for the rest of my life to remind me of my journey, to remind me of how quickly life can be taken away... to remind me that I am not immortal.

Every time I smell rubbing alcohol, nail polish remover, some household cleaners, or anything else with harsh smells similar to those things, I feel sick. They remind me of the taste I would get in the back of my throat when the nurse would inject me with my chemo doses. As soon as the drugs were administered into my system, I would smell and taste a rubbing alcohol-like flavor. I'm not sure I will ever forget that taste.

Red Gatorade, or other red drinks always get me. I can't drink them. They remind me of the Adriamycin, the first drug in my Hodgkin Lymphoma chemo cocktail (ABDV). It was a thick, red liquid that was always in a red syringe. Anything that looks like that makes me sick to my stomach.

Some other things that I am still working on now include getting back to my normal self. It's one thing to be in "fighter mode" during cancer, but after cancer you realize that your energy no longer belongs to it. Instead, your energy belongs to the normal things again: work, social life, future, etc. It's actually a difficult transition. I was so used to being helpless in many situations and not having the energy to move full steam ahead with my goals, and once I did have that energy, I found it difficult to just jump back on the party train. But I'm taking baby steps.

My appearance is a work in progress. I gained about 20 pounds during my treatments and I'm still trying to grow my hair back. (For the record, I like my short hair but dearly miss my long hair!) I've started working out again and I'm closely monitoring my diet. Trying to get my life back in order after cancer is kind of like starting all over again. I kind of feel like I'm starting back at square one from before my diagnosis. But like I said, I have been waiting for this moment for so long.

In two weeks I am going to Hawaii to celebrate my grandparents' 50th anniversary. I am going to see some of my family members that I haven't seen since before my diagnosis! It's going to be so nice being able to go on a long trip without worrying if I will be healthy enough or if I'll be able to make it through without being sick.

One year later, I am living my life just the way I always wanted to.

I Have HAIR!

2011-06-08T12:33:00.001-07:00

Check it out! I have hair now! Like, A LOT OF IT!

In 6 months I have about 3 inches of hair. That seems pretty accurate, according to what my doctors and the Internet told me. (Your hair supposedly grows about 1/2 inch every month). It's going to be awhile until I have long, flowing hair again, but it's nice to have my own locks after being bald for so long!

I have looked back on a lot of my videos and can't believe how much my look has changed. The best is when random people in the streets stop me to compliment my haircut. If only they knew... !

4 Months Post-Treatments

2011-06-08T07:49:00.000-07:00

Can you believe it? Four months have gone by and I already feel like cancer happened ages ago. This time last year I was getting my biopsy done and just about to discover that the lump growing in my chest was actually a cancerous tumor.

I got my first follow-up CT scan done this past Monday. I'll have to get one of those about three times a year for the first couple years after my treatments. The worst part of that is just drinking the barium sulfate liquid that coats my intestines. Don't let the flavored "smoothie" fool you. My GOD those are disgusting! I had the vanilla flavored one this time, which was a tad better than the mocha flavored one I spoke about earlier on in this blog (for those of you who have followed this all the way though, remember "mocha flavored semen"?).

Things post-treatment have been pretty good so far. My hair is growing back in slowly but it's been fun rocking a little pixie cut! It's finally at a length that is starting to look a little shaggy. It's been difficult adjusting to having short hair, but it definitely beats having none at all! And I don't need to wear a wig anymore in order to feel normal. I can't complain about that option - it's 95 degrees in New York City right now and even the thought of me wearing a wig makes me sweat! But the short hair is kind of cute, right? Check me out in my hospital garb to the right a couple of days ago...

Aside from the hair, it's been a process just getting back into the daily swing of normal life. Working full steam and paying all my medical bills and trying to answer that questions of "what's next?" is tough after such a long battle with Alice. I'm finally on my own ready (and strong enough) to take on new challenges, but it's a little daunting! But let's be real - I can do it, right? ;)

Radiation Time

2011-02-15T09:50:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow will mark my first full week of radiation treatments. If I could sum it all up for you, all I would have to say is this: it's a piece of cake! All of the worrying I was doing when the thought of radiation was first brought up now seems unnecessary. Sure, it's a serious procedure, but it's nothing compared to chemotherapy!

The entire thing takes about 10-15 minutes. All I do is lay still on a table (in my mold!). I don't feel a thing. I have have to go every morning on weekdays for 17 treatments. My last one will be on March 4 (which is also my brother's birthday - he told me that would be the best birthday present he could get! Aww).

I don't have any side effects yet, but the doctor told me that I may experience some fatigue and some skin changes in the areas where the radiation occurs (mainly, some skin discoloration). These don't worry me. Like I said, a little fatigue is nothing compared to being nauseous, bloated, tired, cranky, and miserable 24-7! And the best part of getting radiation? No needles!!!

I don't mean to take this procedure lightly; I am aware that getting radiation includes some risks. However, I can't help but feel overjoyed that the worst is over. In three weeks, I will be finished with all of my cancer treatments. March 10th I will have the last appointment with my oncologist until June.

Eight months have passed since this entire journey began and I can finally say that I'm feeling like myself again! Not only does my hair continue to grow in, but my eyebrows and my eyelashes have also come back! I don't need to wear false lashes or pencil in my eyebrows to look human. Of course, this means that hair growth has restored to my whole body. I'm back to shaving my underarms and legs every day, just like old times! (I never thought I'd be so happy about THAT, but I am!)

I suppose the little things mean so much more to me now. Like walking up stairs -- I can do that!!! And eating?! I can do that too! I don't need to take any medications, and hey! I can even go to the gym and take yoga classes now because I have the energy to! I've been waiting for this for such a long time, and I'm overjoyed that that time is finally here.

Like A Rockstar!!!

2011-02-05T11:33:00.000-08:00

My hair is growing so fast! And the longer it gets, the more comfortable I feel with it. I have never ever ever EVER been so thankful to have hair! Here I am feeling like a rockstar with my fauxhawk!!!

Killing Alice, The Video!!!

2011-01-29T10:29:00.000-08:00

Check it out!!! Makiin made a video for my theme song Killing Alice! This song really means a lot to me and it helped me get through a lot of my treatments. It brings tears to my eyes. Big thanks to Makiin for writing this beautiful song for me and everyone else out there going through cancer!!!

Adios Jessica

2011-01-27T21:18:00.000-08:00

Check it out!! My hair is starting to grow back, and kinda fast!! Today I stopped wearing my wig to work. The stickers that I use to attach it to my head were starting to pull on my hair and become painful. Therefore, I decided that it must be time to say goodbye to Jessica. (It's been fun, Jessica, but it's time to move on!). Most of my co-workers knew what I was going through, but many people didn't. I shared my story with some, and others I didn't. It's funny because most people think that I cut my hair!! A lot of people told me that it's such a bold haircut but it looks good on me. I think so, too!

Hello hair! I've missed you!

It's kind of nice having short hair for the first time in my life (and much better than having NO hair, too!). If I wasn't forced to be bald in the first place, then I never would have cut my hair to this length. I'm happy that people have been responding favorably to my new look. It really gives me a lot of confidence that I was unsure I would be able to get.

I never thought that it would mean so much to me to be growing my hair again, but I must admit, it feels so damn good to have hair again!!! I keep running my fingers over my scalp to feel my little baby hairs coming in, and it makes me smile. :)

On To Radiation

2011-01-12T13:44:00.000-08:00

Now that I am finished with chemotherapy (it still feels soooo good to say that!!) it is time for me to start my radiation treatment. Although I registered normally - meaning cancer-free - during my last scan, my oncologist recommended I still get the radiation to be safe. I'm ok with it! He knows what is best, so I am willing to do whatever is required to completely nip this thing in the butt! Anyway, today I had my first appointment with the radiation specialist to get things started. A major snowstorm came through yesterday so I was rocking my snow boots with my hospital gown:

My appointment really consisted of getting scanned, having some photographs taken, receiving tattoos (yes, really!) and making a mold of my upper body. I need to be completely still, and in the same position, during every treatment so a mold was made of me laying down with my hands resting over my head. The radiation will be administered to the same location every time so 5 small, permanent dots were tattooed on my chest as well. They look like little beauty marks! Anyway, after today a plan will be made up for me, including my radiation measurements and a schedule. In the next 3-4 weeks I will hear back from the doctors. Until then, I am going to enjoy living a "normal" life without any hospital visits, filling of prescriptions, or side effects! Whoo hoo!

DONE WITH CHEMO!!!

2011-01-06T18:00:00.000-08:00

HELL YES!!! I am finally finished with chemo and feeling back to my normal self. My hair has even started growing back, as you can see. It's not long or full enough for me to wear it out yet, but I'm getting there!

I mention this in the VLOG, but I need to get some radiation following my treatment. It should last about 3-4 weeks, so it's not too bad. As far as I'm concerned, I'm just glad to be finished with chemotherapy. NOTHING is worse than going through chemo. So BRING ON THE RADIATION!!!!

Stay tuned for more updates! And check out my fuzzy baby hair growing in:

I made it to the finish line!

2010-12-02T18:32:00.000-08:00

I have been waiting for tomorrow - December 3, 2010 - for the past six months, and finally it's here! Yes, that's right -- tomorrow is my LAST chemo treatment!!! (Cue happy dance)

I know the entire battle is not over yet, but I'm still excited to be finished with the biggest hurdle of this entire experience. The biggest hurdle of my entire life even. There will still be tests, a surgery to remove my port, a bunch of scans, and maybe even some radiation. Either way, I refuse to believe that anything will be as difficult or painful as chemotherapy.

So that's it! One more treatment. One more. I've been so patient and finally December 3rd is here.

We made it... after this Alice should be dead.

This Is Me Now...

2010-11-17T07:53:00.001-08:00

I Take Lots of Drugs, Man!

2010-11-06T06:21:00.000-07:00

Let's just get this out there: I take lots of drugs. Well, I take lots of prescription drugs. And when all else fails, I may seek some "herbal" remedies -- tea of course, what did you think? ;) Moving along. Although I have a lot of pills to take, they are the reason I am able to make it through each day with very few side effects. Most of them are anti-nausea and antibiotics. My other pills are for pain, although I steer clear from those unless absolutely necessary. Below is a little tour of my drug cabinet. Can you believe that's not even all of them? (I have a couple more in my purse that I forgot to include in this video!)

Note: The bag of gummy worms in the back also serves as good remedy for feeling like crap!

Next Question: Radiation or Not?

2010-11-02T10:31:00.000-07:00

Aaaaaand I'm alive!

This week I feel like a human again. Human? you ask. Yes, human. This week is what I would call one of my "human weeks," in which I have energy and feel like my normal self. Days like these feel great - my stomach doesn't bother me, I'm not high on medication all day or drowsy, and I enjoy my food. I wish every day could be like this!

But alas, this Friday I will have to go in again for another treatment - treatment number 5b, to be exact (or #10). After this Friday I will only have TWO more chemo treatments to deal with. Good God the finish line is so close!!!

My next steps are to decide whether I will be receiving any radiation after my treatment. Last week I met with a radiation specialist (who interestingly resembled David Bowie) and we went over my options. Of course, he recommended I get a full dosage of radiation after my treatment, especially because I have a large, bulky mass (tumor) in my chest cavity. However, since I am responding so well to my chemotherapy, my oncologist might recommend something different, whether that be no radiation or a lighter dosage of it. It's really up for the radiation specialist and my oncologist to determine after I get my PET scan results at the end of my chemotherapy treatment.

Of course, this all brings up many thoughts. Mainly, what's the risk involved? Well, if I don't get radiation, there is a high chance - I was told an estimated 40 percent chance - that the Hodgkins can grow back in the same area. If I do get radiation in that area, it will kill any remaining cells, however, it will increase my chances of developing secondary cancers in the future such as breast, lung, or throat cancer - at about an estimated 20 percent chance. So what's the lesser of two evils here?

Here's what I was told about the radiation:

If I get a full round of radiation, it will be about 15-17 treatments, which would take place once a day, every day Monday through Friday (so it would be about three weeks). The treatments themselves would take about five minutes and be just like getting an x-ray. The radiation specialist told me that the side effects would be much less severe than chemo, mostly being just fatigue and maybe some light burning on my skin.

The hard part is to think that after all this is over, there is still a semi-high chance that in my future I will have to go through this all over again, despite what methods I decide on after chemo. I'm not happy about that. However, I am just trying to focus on getting over this hurdle now so I can start living a healthier lifestyle. I need to take one day at a time!

I have a tremendous amount of respect and trust for my oncologist and nurses, so I am sure that together we can all come up with the best possible course of action to take after chemo.

**note: I'd love to hear opinions/experiences about radiation from anyone reading this. Not sure who comes across this blog, but I'm interested to hear what others have to say!

Am I Done Yet!?

2010-10-25T23:18:00.000-07:00

I'm 3/4 finished with my treatment! Yes! But I am still exhausted as ever. Each treatment that goes by just reminds me how much I want to be finished with it. :(

Don't worry, I'm hanging in there! Still, it's not pleasant. I have been having lots of night sweats and sores on my gums that make it difficult to eat or brush my teeth. My stomach is in knots and I still have the most random appetite.

I hate asking people for help, but I have had to this week. It's the worst feeling in the world to feel miserable and helpless! I've been drinking lots of tea and soup, both which have been providing me with some relief.

I seriously can't wait for this to be over with and "cancer" just doesn't need to be part of my daily thoughts or discussions.

Until then... your comments and motivation are keeping me going! :)

After this, I'm hijacking 2011.

2010-10-04T12:55:00.000-07:00

On Friday I am going to go in for my eighth treatment. Yes, EIGHTH! Time is flying by; I can't believe that I am about to be 2/3 finished with my chemotherapy.

Seems like just yesterday I went in for an x-ray, not thinking anything bad would come out of it. I went to the doctor's all by myself for the results. I didn't think that I needed any support because it wouldn't be anything worth worrying about. I was told I had cancer as I sat all by myself in the doctor's office. I left the doctor's office all alone, not sure where to go or what I was going to do.

I was so scared.

I remember being terrified to tell my grandparents, my friends. I remember being so nervous to go in for my first chemotherapy treatment. I wasn't sure what to expect or how I would react to the drugs.

The first treatment was torture. I couldn't eat or drink because my tongue completely shot full of pain every time it tasted flavors or got wet. I could hardly swallow. I slept for hours on end and my entire body was full of pain. When my hair started falling out, I would find it everywhere. It was on my pillows and clothes and all over the floor. I was losing myself.

Now my treatments aren't so bad (though not enjoyable by any means), and I have been slowly getting closer to the finish line. I am still tired after treatments, and my energy levels completely dissolve. Five to seven days after treatments, all of the muscles in my body become sore and my entire body bloats up with retained water. I get random food cravings, and my stomach knots up. Some days I want nothing more than to just crawl up in a ball and sleep. Some days I just sit and cry and wonder why I have to go through all of this.

But most days I am looking forward to it all being over. There are little signs that have presented themselves that leave me optimistic and staying strong so I can through to the end of this. Most importantly, my scan results gave me hope. They show me that all of this pain and hell I have been going through have been for something good. It is working.

My hair has started growing back a little bit already. I'm not sure why, but it is. I have started looking forward to the day when I no longer need to wear my wig to feel like a human. I look forward to having a cute little pixie boy haircut. I can't wait to feel what it's like to wash my own hair in the shower again. I have completely forgotten what that feels like.

The thing I look most forward to, though, is just feeling normal again. I miss having my normal energy. I miss having a little pep in my step and feeling sexy walking down the street in heels. I miss having the energy to wear heels! It's the little things I miss so much, but can't wait to have again.

What I do know is that when all of this is over, I am going to have no excuses to not completely go full force after my dreams and achieving greatness. If I can overcome this, I can do anything! So come New Year's Eve, I am going to be a completely new, motivated woman. (Cue Rocky theme song.)

Only eight more weeks. Four treatments, eight weeks.

Almost In Remission!

2010-09-25T06:07:00.000-07:00

Great news - my halfway-mark PET scan revealed that I made "remarkable progress through chemotherapy" and my doctors said that my tumor is now so small that I am close to remission! The best part? I won't likely need any radiation after my treatment because I'm responding so well to the chemotherapy.

Well this just ROCKS!!!

That being said, I received my 7th treatment yesterday and it went by so fast! Why? Well, my long awaited desire to make cancer crafts finally happened! There is a cart full of crafts that I saw once but never again until yesterday, so I took full advantage. I painted this little picture frame (yes, being CRAFTY at CHEMO!).

Between the good scan results, the crafts and the controlled substances I was on for my nausea, I was having a grand 'ol time!

Anyway, this means that I've now completed 7 out of 12 chemo treatments. I'M OVER THE HUMP! Thanks to all my friends and supporters I have been nipping this thing in the butt!

Special thanks to the following people who have come with me so far and sat through hours of chemotherapy with me:

(I am now taking offers for further visits. All I can offer you are some awesome crafts and a Jamba Juice! And my ETERNAL LOVE AND DEVOTION.) Surprisingly, this is the same thing Satan lures people in with. No fears, Mandy = NOT Satan.

My grandma - first visit
My brother, Jaymes - 3rd visit
Bryce S. - 4th
Rob M. - 5th visit
Danny C. - 6th visit
Alessondra A. - 7th

(I've only been to one treatment alone, but my friends have made it point to keep my company ever since then! You guys are the best.)

Hey do me a favor: ***SUBSCRIBE TO MY BLOG!!!*** See right there in the upper right of this blog? ----> DO IT! :) It will take two seconds.

Time for a PET scan!

2010-09-16T20:55:00.000-07:00

Since I'm half finished with chemotherapy, the next step is to get a new PET scan done! Let's hope that the melon-sized tumor in my chest cavity is MUCH smaller by now.

The chemicals may be killing my cancer, but as you can see, they haven't managed to kill my sense of humor. (Some might argue against the "sense of humor" part. Don't worry, the chemicals haven't leeched into my brain either.)

HALF THE BATTLE!

2010-09-10T19:01:00.000-07:00

Finally, the video you have all wanted to see: me getting chemo!

Today I got my sixth chemo treatment. That officially makes me HALF WAY DONE with chemotherapy! I can't begin to explain how happy I am about it!

Anyway, I put together this little video (with the help of Danny Cohen, who is there helping me for the weekend while I recover). I decided that you guys have yet to see me in the act of killing my cancer. In fact, a lot of you have asked to see it! So here it is!

In this video, you will see my port, and some of the injections getting done. I'm not going to lie, editing this video and watching it was tough for me because it made me very sick to my stomach. I mean, literally just thinking about about going through this makes me SICK! But like I said, thankfully I am half way finished!! Now, only six more to go!

More Bald Pics

2010-09-09T13:05:00.000-07:00

.... because you love 'em!

I did something fun this weekend while I was in Florida: I let my friend Danny shave my head. Don't worry, I got it on video! Yeah. I decided to shave the little bit of hair I did have on my head because I was starting to resemble a microphone. However, I missed a couple spots. So instead I began to resemble a frat boy who lost a bet. By the way, random patches of hair on a bald head are NOT a good look.

Photo: Danny and I are very normal people (above), and apparently I am the bald leprechaun at the end of the rainbow, minus the pot of the gold (below).

In other news, I also reunited with my long lost brother, and Jewish stepbrother to Mr. Clean:

Hurricane Shmurricane. Bring on Labor Day weekend!

2010-09-03T08:32:00.000-07:00

**Sorry for the rambling in the video... my morning coffee hadn't hit me yet!**

So there is a hurricane coming through and I am sick, but that will not stop me from having fun! I have felt like crap this entire week, but I am going to suck it up because I am determined to have some fun. Plus, it wouldn't hurt being surrounded by a bunch of people who love and support me (I could always use that!). Nothing will stop me from going to Miami!

It's been very important to me that I am still able to travel and get out of New York City for some weekend getaways. Since I get chemotherapy every other Friday, that gives me alternate weekends where I feel good enough to get out. Since I am not getting treatment today and have Monday off, it definitely makes sense that I get out of town. Got to take advantage of the opportunity!

Ever since I started blogging, a lot of my friends from Florida have been wanting to see me and get in touch. It will be nice to be able to see some people, although I doubt I will be able to get in touch with them all! Bring it on, Labor Day weekend!

Click here to listen to my theme song titled "Killing Alice." (It's on the music playlist.)It's amazing and it brought tears to my eyes.

Meh. I want my bed.

2010-09-01T09:34:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I can't feel great ALL the time, right? I suppose I'm starting to feel the "progression of strength" everyone has been warning me about. This round has been difficult for me, and yes, it feels like the chemo is getting stronger. It's at least having more harsh effects on my body, that's for sure!

It has been five days since my treatment and I am still overcome with the feeling of nausea, dehydration, and weakness. Yupp, it kind of blows to feel like this right now. All of my muscles are in pain, and I am in desperate need of a massage. My mouth can barely taste food and my stomach has just been in wretches!

And my insides aren't the only things feeling the effects. My eyelashes and eyebrows are starting to fall out now, too. They're getting so weak and fine that I'm sure soon enough they will be gone altogether. I've begun a 30-minute makeup regime each morning, which requires caking on tons of makeup and penciling in eyebrows, applying false lashes and bronzer just so I don't look like a corpse. My skin is losing color. I'm so white and dull. I'm losing my shine!

My doctor told me that I can't get pedicures anymore because the water in the basin might have germs. Great. So I need to feel like this without indulging in a little feet pampering? Yikes.

I don't want to sound like a Debbie Downer right now, especially since I'm just about to be half way finished with my treatments. I've made it this far so I need to keep going! However, I can't help but miss what it feels like to just be... normal.

This weekend for Labor Day I am going to go to Miami, so hopefully a little vacation getaway will get my spirits back up!

Almost Halfway Done!

2010-08-28T16:20:00.000-07:00

I got my fifth treatment yesterday and I'm sort of feeling the after effects today. I have been taking it easy for the most part, but I still feel kind of sluggish and tired. The thing that sounds most desirable to me right now is staying home and watching movies.

But all is not lost!

I have an old friend from way back in high school in town this weekend. He's visiting me from North Carolina for the weekend and he's been super understandable about me being a lame. Check out this awesome picture we took together (forgot the story behind the gang sign, but I do remember that it has nothing to do with a gang sign):

Looks like I'm not the only one who sleeps in a hat to keep a barely-haired head warm at night. Haha.

Anyway, I typically like to take it easy the weekend after my treatments. I've just been drinking tons of water and taking my medications and eating some soup because I am not in the mood to eat hefty meals. Those things seem to do the trick and make me feel a lot better.

Next time I go to the hospital, it will be to get my sixth treatment, making me HALF finished! Whoo!