something that is earned or something that is built?

This question popped up after a very engaging dialogue with a group of people last night.  Here is, of course, my unscripted opinion on the matter of trust in relationships.

There is a false premise that “trust is earned”.  Trust is not earned, it is something that is built over time.  When you enter a relationships and you come from the position that the person you’re involved with must “earn” your trust, you are not allowing them room to grow with you.  You have placed upon them the expectation that they must put in  a lot of work to win you.  Most people, especially men, don’t want relationships to be hard, they want it to be easy and effortless.  Granted that is not always the case, and most times there will be challenges along the way.  But, this is where you can change your perspective on the matter of trust and building it, rather than expecting someone working to get it from you.

Trust in Relationships Doesn’t Have to Be Earned

When you make the decision to be involved with someone and you choose to build a relationship with them, you demonstrate over time that they can trust you because you ensure them by words or actions that you have their best interest at heart.  My advice is always come from a space of trusting first, then if that person shows you by some action that they cannot be trust, they have destroyed at that moment what was built to that point.

When you come into a relationship from the aspect that a person must earn your trust, you do not possess the ability to trust, and you must first deal with that baggage before you can expect to attract a partner that you can feel trust.  Trust in relationships is a feeling that only you can possess, the other person cannot feel trust FOR YOU…they can only feel trusted by you.  And when the absence of trust from you exist, it motivates a negative reaction and behavior that will validate that feeling of trust.

It’s really very simple…we think, we feel, we act…When we think that they person we are involved with will do something to hurt us, we feel insecure and suspicious; we then do things through our actions that send off the signal that we are not trusting them, or we feel distrust.  It is not their fault, it is ours.  We must control this by not projecting our distrust on our partners and find the core of the feeling and deal with it.

I say trust until he/she proves that they can not be trusted.  Then you have a valid premise for your feelings.

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Today, I Prayed…Have You?

Today, I Prayed…Manifesting Life Possibilities Through Prayer is about those moments I experience in silent retreat that bring me joy, love, understanding, wisdom, guidance, and simply, Divine Power.

Prayer, no matter how you do it, is essential to a fulfilling life. Connection with your true self comes through the heart of your prayers. Your life is a direct reflection of your prayers, your words spoken in truth backed by emotion, love, and the Spirit of God.

It is no secret for those who know me, that prayer is a important part of my life and belief system.  The miracles I have seen my life and the lives of others are evidence of prayers answered.

Using the work of Charles Fillmore, founder/visionary of UNITY and one of the foremost leaders of New Thought, this work is about sharing effectual prayer methodologies filled with manifesting power.

Yes, “the effectual prayer of a righteous man avails much..”  ~  Are your prayers effective?  Do you know how to commence in a prayer purge?  The answer to these and many more questions are included in this dynamic, powerful guide to power-filled prayer.

Get Your Copy Today! and, please share…

Here are your free kindle download links – to heal your heart, prepare your heart, and share your heart!

2/1 – 2/3 – A Woman Like Me…A Man Like You

2/4 – 2/6 – a few choice words…The Power of Affirming Your Life, Positively!

2/7 – 2/9 – Before I Say I Do…Blissfully Single & Marriage-Minded

2/18 – 2/20 – You are a Possibility Waiting to Happen…Happen, Already!

Here’s to Matters of the Heart!

K

Wow…we are already looking at the end of January next week. That means Valentine’s Day is around the corner.

Well, I’m going to show you some love all month with Free Kindle Downloads of my bestselling books.

Mark your calendars –
2/1 – 2/3 – A Woman Like Me…A Man Like You

2/4 – 2/6 – a few choice words…The Power of Affirming Your Life, Positively!

2/7 – 2/9 – Before I Say I Do…Blissfully Single & Marriage-Minded

2/18 – 2/20 – You are a Possibility Waiting to Happen…Happen, Already!

Kim

When we started our love affair,
There was so much hope and magic in the air.

There were promises of dreams to come true, and some did, thanks to you.

But here we are, at our moments end –
Parting our ways, not even as friends.

Moments we shared we can never return;
Opportunities missed I’ll forever yearn.

You were generous most of the time
But you were also selfish,
and took what was mine.

One of the things you took from me
And gave to a man who would someday flee,
My heart filled with love, patience, and trust – now a void fills the space – but, move on, I must.

Even with the cruel jokes you played
You showed me favor along the way.

You brought prosperity to my door
You gave me opportunities galore.

You gave me strength, wisdom, and grace.
You gave me courage to stay in the race.

It wasn’t all bad, I must admit.
I had some good times, but now it’s
time to split.

There’s a New Year waiting for me – Goes by the name of Twenty-thirteen.

The allure of his coming is thrilling at best.
I wait in excitement – I can hardly rest.

The promise of things to come are sure,
My heart filled with love and patience will endure.

Upon the arrival of Twenty-Thirteen
I receive the gift of possibilities.
Things I thought lost will come again to me –
But, this time with permanence and a lifetime guaranty.

Farewell, Twenty-Twelve – it’s been a hoot.
But, now it’s time to give you the boot.

Forever in the past…
Kim Harris

++++++++++++++++++++++++
Copyright 2012. Permission to share with acknowledgement to the author.

Here is your link to download my Kindle eBook – A Woman Like Me…A Man Like You –

http://amzn.to/SmuI32

Look for upcoming book release of “Before I Say I Do…Blissfully Single & Marriage-Minded” – Mark your calendar for Oct. 1st !

Thanks for your positive comments, support, and inspiration!

K

RELEASE DATE:  October 1, 2012 – Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble

E-book versions will also be available for Kindles, Nooks, and other tablet readers.

Let me ask you something…
If you were to propose to yourself, right now, would you say YES?
What would you being say YES to?
Would you marry yourself right now?

Attracting the “Perfect” life partner is not about seeking perfection in another person.
Neither is it about being perfect for them.
Marriage isn’t for everyone – or, is it?

The journey of finding the love you seek begins within you!
Before you say “I Do” to anyone, you must first take a long hard look at yourself to see if there is anything that stands in the way of your ultimate happiness.

Hidden demons not faced…patterns of behavior that have stalled previous relationships…insecurities that you have not overcome.

The pathway to marriage begins with being blissfully single.

BEFORE I SAY I DO…Blissfully Single & Marriage-Minded opens Pandora’s Box and helps you discover your truest most loving gift – You!

Being your absolute best allows you to attract a partner that will reflect that back to you — Isn’t that what we all want?

Take this journey to become Blissfully Single & Marriage-Minded!

The final question of your single life will be asked at the alter as you stand before your chosen life partner.  You will listen attentively with the answer at your lips ready to blurt out “I DO!”  And, you will disappear into marital bliss…at least, that is what you hope.

Of course, I’m making light of this, as witnessing the marriage ceremony is a sacred affair.

Getting to that coveted spot before the officiant and your beloved is a journey that began with an encounter.  That is what my new book release is all about  – the journey to the all important question that will change your name (as a woman) and your life!

What do you do before you say “I Do”?

Subscribe to this blog and become a Facebook Fan and you qualify to win One of 10 autographed copies of my new book “BEFORE I SAY I DO…Blissfully Single & Marriage-Minded
TELL  US ABOUT YOUR JOURNEY FROM SINGLENESS TO TOGETHERNESS

In the comments section, or on our Facebook Fanpage, answer this question and it could be featured in the book BEFORE I SAY I DO…Blissfully Single & Marriage-Minded

Question:  What was the most challenging change YOU had to make in your relationship to help it move to the proposal?

Please keep it 250 words or less.

“My heart is fixed, O God, my heart is fixed…” Psalm 57:7

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My heart has been broken into a million pieces – a million times over. Each time, I handed over to you the shattered remnants with tears and pleaded that you would restore it once again. As a child with a broken toy, begging my father to give me a new one, you always responded with a loving YES…

Once again, you return it complete and whole. This time with a guardian; a life-long protector…

He embodies Your love and care – he holds my heart gently within his hands and watches over it like a King over his kingdom. Thank you, Lord, for fixing my heart and entrusting it to the man who will watch over it the rest of my days.