I felt a tremendous amount of gratitude for life!

This is a new feeling for me.  In the past, this would have created greater fear and anxiety.  I would have sunk into myself, withdrew and threw up every bit of armor and false sense of control that I could muster with the belief that I could protect, prevent or even avoid this blast to the core of our souls.  Instead, I chose to grieve and empathize with the people affected … hoping that they know we are with them, that they are in our hearts.

This act of violence (and the others before it) is unacceptable.  It is not something we should get used to, it is not something we should become numb to. If we do. Then they win.

I’m choosing to be thankful and root for love instead.

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My mom has a green thumb.  And if there is ever a memory that I have of her in a place that makes her happy, it’s her in her flower garden.

Back in California the garden in front of our house was the most beautiful, most cared for, most lush area of flowers within the entire neighborhood.  Hell, I’d venture to say the whole city!  People would slow down to admire it and if my mom happened to be out front they would stop and let her know just how beautiful it was.  Heck, some people would ask her who her gardener was.  That question ALWAYS cracked me up.

So the cactus in the left image of the next two diptychs was not exactly her favorite.  She always imagined herself falling and impaling herself on them once they were huge, which they were.  But I had to include them because their texture and shape are so awesome!  Sorry about that mom.

My parents have lived near me in Texas for a few years now and it think it’s about time that she creates a beautiful flower garden here too.  You will, won’t cha mom?

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I brought my camera with me recently to a neighborhood dinner club and my neighbor just shook his head at me.  ”I don’t understand,” he said, “you are going backwards!”  He’s an older gentleman, so we’ll forgive him for that.

And backwards I go!!  Very happily and with much excitement … I’m leaping right into the world of film.  I don’t consider it backwards.  I consider it progress.  I consider it being better.  I consider it intentional.  I consider it diving deeper into my craft.  I consider it the right thing to do for me.

Here are some practice shots with my beautiful test subject, Maeby girl.

Just on regular old film with regular old Walgreen’s film development scanned to a disc.  I couldn’t be more in love with this new journey.

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It’s taken some time to process what I want for the upcoming year and for life in general. Truthfully, I don’t imagine that the evaluation of my life and my choices will ever stop.

In looking back at 2012 and my motto of the year : BE BETTER, I know absolutely that I accomplished that goal.  I am better.  A better mother, a better wife, a better sister, a better sister-in-law.  You know, a better all of the above. That quest doesn’t end with the close of 2012, but rather a new responsibility or desire emerges.  It becomes the time to …

This is the year to just cut loose, to stop all the worry, to quit holding back, to work for dreams, to trust in the meant-to-be and LEAP!

I AM SO READY and had already started the process of letting go of perfectionism, letting go of the have-to’s and need-to’s.  Now is the time to leap and LET GO OF THE PROCESS.

Now is the time for want-to’s.

I crave the messy part of life, the part that’s a little scary and draws outside the lines, the part that laughs at order in the face and couldn’t care less about the should-be’s.  The part that makes me GROW.

Dammit, This is the year to break my own self imposed rules.  I am leaping into the unknown.

Join me?

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I am sighing a wonderful sigh.

Life is simpler.  Focus is family.

Laughter and smiles, Hugs and kisses, I Love You’s echo in my ears.

Reminding me.

Change keeps coming.  I keep leaning.

Peace and harmony in the knowledge of the good to come lives deep in my soul.

I am sighing a wonderful sigh.

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If I can dream up wings, there is no reason I can’t touch the sky.

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Since returning from my recent trip to Ghana, to visit my sister before she completed her Peace Corp commitment there, all I have wanted to do is go back.  It seems so strange to me to write that down … because it really makes the thought real. I spent the first week upon returning in a major funk.

As ridiculously happy as I was to be back in the States with my girls and my Mark, I was really craving the simple, simple life that the Ghanians live.

They walk everywhere. Their children are raised by a community. They sit, just to sit and enjoy and talk to passers-by. They stop to say hello and have a conversation (even if it’s short) when they see someone they know. Their clothing is bright and happy. They are always late.

And they don’t know any different way. It is their normal, what they are used to.

Now I know and have experienced (thanks to my sister and beautiful people she was blessed to have in her life) a different normal. A normal so very different than the complicated lives we live here.

We close our front doors while entering and departing our homes through only the garage. We read books on how to parent or how to make life simple. We crave close relationships, but spend too much time living those out online instead of in-person. We schedule our days so that every minute is accounted for because if we aren’t producing something, then we doubt our self worth.  This is our normal.  Or let me speak for myself … this is my normal.

Frankly, I don’t want it any more. I want a life in-between the one I briefly experienced in Ghana and the one I live here. I have spent the last few weeks reconciling how I can get it. I have been asked if the trip was a life changing experience and it feels glib to say yes. So I won’t call it life changing, but I will say that my time there, the people I met and the things I saw have affected me in ways that I still don’t understand.

Most importantly, I am grateful. So crazy, ridiculously grateful for all the simple things that we take for granted here (the things we consider a right for us to have).

I am grateful to Ghana.

As part of my memory making, I took all the iPhone images I posted to Instagram and created a Blurb album. I can’t wait to have a copy of my instant images to flip through on the coffee table.

You can see the preview on Blurb, for print and e-book.

In the works is an album of the DSLR images I took. The grand scheme swirling around in my head is to start a non-profit that would benefit the work going on in the village of Adaklu for mothers and the care of their children. It was seriously my favorite place during my travel. I just need to wait for my sister to come home and we can get right on this … and the construction of our Ghanian vacation home there too!

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I was here …

Now I am here …

Follow along on Instagram.

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If they don’t answer when you knock.

Ring the bell.

And keep on ringing, until …

They do.

Persistance pays off.

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