I have just come back from a relaxing holiday filled with sleeping in, night time campfires and lots of laughter. As soon as I step back in the office I can feel the stress build up in my shoulders and hear my inner-self say, “Better get at it and get productive, cause you need to make up the time you were away.” Wait, who is that? How did they get in here? I mean, cut me some slack. Isn’t relaxation and vacation good fodder to a happy worker and workplace?

I know the person who is hardest on me is myself. I push myself, I keep myself going with the little nudges to do more, get more out of myself and all of that will mean a better bottom-line and return on my time investment. Hmmmm. I think I used to believe that. I am not sure I do anymore. I know that if I shut out distractions (phone, email, Twitter, Yammer, Facebook and the sudden urge for more coffee) I can be very productive. I know, I have proven that to myself. However, when I become my own drill sergeant and literally push myself from the inside out, demanding more, I actually become less productive. There is something inside that rebels against “drill sergeant me” and works less efficiently.

We need time to stretch, to take a break and get our brains clear. Working for hours without blinking or taking a break actually works against you. Be honest with yourself. If you are in the groove then work it but if you are producing nothing, then move on to something else. Don’t let this be an excuse to slack off or procrastinate — that doesn’t work well personally or for your business.

I want to bring that vacation attitude back into my office. Get done what needs to be done, but do not attempt to push myself over the edge by doing it. Make use of good productive time, but remember to laugh, relax, stretch and live life while doing it. Most importantly, to quit being the hardest person on myself.

Michael Cibenko

One of the many aspects of my own personality is to look back and think. Not that thinking is bad in itself, but sometimes I ponder how certain paths might have been changed or how a certain decision altered what I presently see. Although it is good to have a past awareness, I have to watch myself and make sure that I am not putting too much focus on the past; living in the now and planning for the future is vital. Learning from the past, learning from past mistakes, having an awareness that the person you were is hopefully a much better version today — that makes sense. Measuring your growth as a person and all that you have experienced is good; focusing on the past and not moving forward is not good.

I am aware of my strengths and my weaknesses. There are many of each. There is also a great appreciation of what has been instilled into me by my mother. She has given me many gifts: the love of music, an deep appreciation for art and the people of many nations and cultures, and the ability to say “thank you” or “I am sorry” or “I forgive you”, when I really need to, even to myself.

On May 28th, 2010 it will be the 19th anniversary of her death. On May 20th, 2010 it will be the celebration of my birth. On May 21st it will be a day to remember when on May 21st, 1991, I celebrated my mom’s last birthday (her real birthday is June 2nd) not knowing she would die just 7 days later but feeling that we just should celebrate her.

I look back and I am very thankful. Full of longing, missing but so very thankful. I am looking forward to what life has in-store. This Sunday, Mother’s Day, I celebrate the gift of my mom in my life — it may have been a whole lot shorter time span that I wanted, but I cherish the memories, the laughter and all that she has left me with.

The picture of my mom, Barbara (holding me when I was a baby) has a wonderful caption. That was just like my mom. I have albums full of wonderfully hilarious captions. Amazing how the past can make you smile today isn’t it.

Here is a link to my twitter profile: kimberlybeaven

I had a hamster, Theordore William Beaven, many years ago that had lived almost 4 and a half years. So I was not a rookie so to speak. We had purchased the starter cage, with the food dish, wheel and then added some nice hamster pretzels and warm soft appropriate bedding. The cage was like a hamster loft — 3 levels with tubing going between the floors; sure it was not a big cage, but she was so small.

Of course being the gadget lovin’ mommy that I am, as soon as she grew a bit bigger I purchased what would be the first of many Habbitrail domes for added room for my little girl. Then I have to admit, the corner of the livingroom was taken over by the hamster condo; shortly she had two large domes, a den, a water station, and upper observatory and tons of connected tubing for her joy. I am not sure who was having more fun at that point, Ellen or myself. She had room to roam, to discover and to play. I also purchased a hamster toilet — yes, there is such a thing — and she was easily trained to use the potty. Who would have known you could toilet train a hamster? Just because I read it I had to see it for myself, and yes it is true. For the play dome, I purchased an eatable multi-leveled beach scene — which she quickly munched on. It encourages healthy teeth growth and feeds their desire to nibble. Once that was gone, I purchased a multi-level tree house scene which lasted a lot longer. From one of the tree house exits, I put her food dish wish she loved to rummage and fill her pouches with for her next big adventure.

Every night she would come out to play; we never grabbed for her but just unhitched the upper observatory and put our hands out for her to walk out on. Sometimes she would be ready before we got there and would scratch on the plastic up there letting us know she was ready for playtime. We had a little “couch” time before she ever went into her ball to roll around. It is amazing how she bonded with us. They say that hamster, although having bad eyesight, have a highly developed sense of smell. The place on the couch where I sat most often is where she would rub her head against. She was identifying the scent with the us, the food-givers. The extent of this scent bonding was tested one night in the Spring. We heard a rustling upstairs and thought that we may have had a bat or God knows what in our room in the corner where a bunch of boxes and bags were neatly packed away. I grabbed the baseball bat from beside my nightstand (okay, I will explain that some other time) and Maureen flicked on the light. From there, with a furry wiggling tush, was Ellen running across the bedroom floor. The door to her home must have not been latched properly so she came to find us — two flights up. The bed is 18 inches off of the floor so she was not able to climb up there (thank goodness and I think that would have freaked us both out) so she came as close as she could to say hi. I followed her to the bathroom and picked her up. She had a looked on her face that said, “Hey mom — wanna play?” She could have gone anywhere, but she chose to get close to us. I was the proudest mommy there was at that very moment. I didn’t know she could do the stairs.

About a month ago we noticed some blood around her tail region. She didn’t make any noises and was eating and drinking well and playing, but we brought her to the Vet. I honestly thought that we might not be bringing her home again. I was scared to bits. I had no idea what was wrong but I knew something was not as it should be. The Vet, after a couple of visits had felt a small growth in her right side which was a tumour. There is not a lot you can do for a hamster with Cancer. We had some vitamins to help her blood level and strength which we mixed in icecream or yogurt to hide the bad taste. Quite honestly, the way she hoovered the icecream down, you would never had known there was medicine in it — she was thrilled for the treat. That’s my girl! One thing I stipulated was that I never wanted her to suffer or be in pain at all. We kept tight communication with the Vet, which was just around the corner from the house, and I checked her everyday at noon and every evening. I found myself just peeking over to her condo just to make sure she was okay.

We closely monitored her and other than the odd blood spots on her tail region and a growing tiredness, she was our Ellen. We kept the out times in the evening as couch visits. She enjoyed being held a bit and having her head rubbed. Then she would crawl down to the couch and sit there while we softly spoke to her. After about 10-15 minutes when she almost appeared to be falling asleep, we would get her treat and bring her back to her home. There were some nights she didn’t feel like coming out to visit, so we just gave her the treat with the medicine mixed in it on a spoon.

Over the next few weeks she was more tired but still eating and drinking well. We kept her home clean and watched out for any blood.

Last night, we looked into her home and could not see her. We quickly unlatched all the domes — she was not in her sleeping den or anywhere. Then on the last dome, we found her laying on the bottom with a blood soaked lower half of her fragile body. At first we didn’t think we were in time. But then she moved. She was close to death. Even rushing to the Vet at this point would not have done anything. She had waited for us to say good-bye. I wrapped her up and held her close. For about 10 minutes we talked to her and thanked her for being such an amazing addition to our lives — letting her know she was loved. We stroked her little head, but there were few, shallow breaths. Then her little paw clenched, her head raised a little as she laboured to take one last breath. For the first time that evening, her little eyes opened slightly to take one last look, then her whole body went limp. No more breaths. Nothing. We stared at her and cried for about 40 minutes.It really blows me away how much a furry little creature like Ellen can impact our hearts. I felt hollow — such extreme loss.

In case you are wondering, Ellen’s middle name, Kushi, means happiness in Bali. I named her that because I wanted her to have happiness in her life. Funny thing is, she brought happiness to us. Amazing.

So I would like to thank you Ellen for bringing such joy and laughter over the past 2 and a half years. This one is for you my little girl.

[Show as slideshow]

[View with PicLens]

12►

Here is a link to my twitter profile: kimberlybeaven