So blogging has been on the back burner but there is still so much to share.  I loved this engagement tons as well as this adorable couple.  We spent the afternoon wandering around Fort Baker and this location was beautiful.  There were many little areas with so much character and it also had a great view of the Golden Gate Bridge.  I totally want to go back some day soon and stay at the lodge there.

And it wouldn’t be a San Francisco shoot without some cold wind and weather!  Thankful that Meg and Justin just rolled with it with big smiles on their faces.  Totally love clients like that.

Thankfully, the rain eventually stopped, the sun made a short appearance and we could finally breathe a sigh of relief.  It was still freezing but we were at least dry.  Matt and Sarah were total troopers and I loved getting to know them on that chilly winter day.  They are such a sweet couple and I adore how their love for each other shines through in these photos.

Vanessa and Mike are one of these amazing couples.  When I first met them, I immediately liked them and felt like Vanessa and I had been friends for years.  There was an instant comfort and these two are as sweet as they come.  Their wedding day was so beautiful (post coming on that one soon) but their engagement session was equally as pretty.  We had such fun exploring all over one of my favorite places, the Marin Headlands.

It feels so good to type even just a small post such as this onto my somewhat of abandoned blog here.  I’ve been majorly off my blogging game this past year or two but I fully intend for that to be different this year.  Blogging is one aspect of my business that I love but man, does it take awhile to prep, write and get the photos ready for.  Since having Maddie, I’ve continued to photograph so many beautiful couples, weddings, families and babies.  I’ve met some truly amazing people and poured my heart into these sessions but almost none of these precious events have been shared.  That is all gonna change this year.

I’m so excited to give you a peek into what I’ve been up to and what life has looked like for us from both behind the camera as well as in front of it.  So many sessions to post and show over the next few months.

Until then, happy weekend and stay tuned! <3

When I was pregnant (and especially in those last few weeks of pregnancy), I was obsessed with reading birth stories.  I don’t know if it was to gather as much information as possible or a way to mentally prepare myself for childbirth, but it became my new favorite hobby.

But just as each child is entirely different, so is their birth story.  Maddie’s was one that took us on a wild ride that no book or birth class could prep us for but in the end, she arrived.  All the pain and exhaustion became 100% worth it and she instantly stole our hearts.

So onto her birth story.  I know some people may have no interest in reading all the details or may think that it’s over sharing but since I loved reading birth stories so much, I wanted to share ours for those who may be interested.  And here it goes.  Her due date arrived and we, of course, were quite anxious to meet her but wanted it to be on God’s timing and not on our own impatience. The last few weeks of pregnancy were tough.  Every part of me was sore and swollen and I was definitely ready to close the chapter on pregnancy and begin the mommy one.

Contractions started in the early morning 3 days after her due date and after so many false alarms, I waited them out but they didn’t let up no matter what I did.  I had an appointment with my OB that afternoon anyways so I called to see if we should keep that appointment but she wanted to see me earlier so we headed to the doctor’s office.  I was dilated the same as I had been for the past week at 1.5 cm but baby had dropped lower and based on everything, she thought this was the real deal and was hopeful that it wasn’t a false start and suspected I would be in full blown labor by the evening.  We went home and I tried to get as much rest as I could between contractions.  Contractions were consistently 6-8 minutes apart but they were getting longer and stronger.  Midnight arrived and we headed to bed but I barely slept.  Around 4:30 am, we decided to head to the hospital because the pain was more intense and contractions were about 5-8 minutes apart.  We arrived and I got checked out only to find that the dilation was exactly the same as it had  been, 1.5 cm.  We got sent home and I was so frustrated.  I had been in early labor for 24 hours and was exhausted after 2 nights of little to no sleep.  The pain was doable but was definitely wearing me out.  We got back home around 7:30 am and I somehow slept for 4 hours and through most of the contractions.  When I awoke, contractions were 5-7 minutes apart but lasting over a minute each.  By 3:30pm, they were still 5-7 minutes apart but lasting even longer and the pain was becoming too much to talk or walk through so we called my doctor.  I didn’t want to go to the hospital only to get turned away again.  She was the on-call doctor at the hospital that afternoon and she said to come on in.  When we arrived, we got set up in a room and I was checked again by my doctor and thankfully, I was 4-5 cm dilated.  I burst into happy tears to finally have some progression and that we would be staying and able to get settled. We got our stuff into our room and I tried to stay as active as possible.  I wanted to have a natural birth as long as I possibly could but also wanted to be flexible in case I changed my mind or the pain was too much.  It was my version of a loose birth plan because I didn’t know what to expect and wanted to try and just roll with it.  So we walked up and down the halls in between vital checks to try and keep things progressing.

Thankfully, because there was no medical reason at the time, I wasn’t hooked up to any machines on a regular basis or an IV.  Contractions were still about 5 minutes apart and while they hurt, the moments in between I felt totally fine.

My mom arrived soon after we checked in as did Megan.  Dinner arrived and I was able to eat and chat in between contractions.  Things were going pretty well and mentally, even after being in labor for 36+ hours, I was still feeling strong.  The contractions were painful but after each one, there was a break and I felt like I could manage the pain.

My sister arrived mid-evening and the doctor came back in again to check my progress.  Unfortunately, not much had changed since we had checked in about 5 hours ago and was still at about 5 cm.  The contractions were getting closer together and stronger and the doctor suggested breaking my bag of water to try and speed things up.  We decided to go ahead with that and afterwards, things got crazy and became a bit of a blur.  There was meconium in the water so there was that to be cautious of.  Soon after, my contractions picked up steam and became super intense.  My nurse who also had been a mid-wife for years, set up the shower for me to lessen the contraction pain.  It definitely helped and I stayed in there as long as I could.

Once I got out though, the contractions were near unbearable.  I was trying to get dressed and they were so intense and kept coming one after the other. There were no more breaks between contractions to regroup and recover.  I could barely stand and laid down in bed and just remember crying through the pain.  It came on so quickly and so strongly that I just wasn’t prepared and my body soon became exhausted from all the hours of labor previously.  I knew I didn’t have the energy to continue without some help.  I told my nurse I would need an epidural.

I was so scared to get the epidural. More so than most things in labor really.  But I knew my body was so weak from being in labor for 39 hours already and I just needed to rest.  There were a few people ahead of me on the list so the nurse gave me some pain meds to take the edge off as we waited. Once I received the epidural, the pain started to subside and I tried to nap as best I could.  It really became a blur at this point.  The lack of sleep caught up with me and I was mentally and physically exhausted.  Over the course of the next hours, my blood pressure dropped really low and I had to be put on oxygen as well as another medication to bring it back to a safe level.  My labor slowed and I was given pitocin.  I was frustrated that my want for a natural childbirth (for as long as possible) ended up being anything but that as time went on, but as Matt reminded me, it was all about being cautious and making sure Maddie was safe.  We just had to deal with the way things were turning out.

We all tried to get some rest in those wee morning hours and soon the sun was up as were we.  It gave me a renewed spirit and I thought happily that today, we would finally meet our little baby girl.

My progress was checked again and I was at about 9 1/2 inches but Maddie wasn’t in the right position (we had been trying for hours to get her to turn) and I had an anterior cervical lip which basically needed to move before I would be able to push.  I was given the option to go ahead and let them try and turn and move it out of the way which could work or could also land me with having to have an emergency c-section if Maddie didn’t respond well.  I could also opt for the c-section straight away which was what they recommended.  I was heartbroken.  I just remember crying and crying that my goals of a natural childbirth were slipping further and further away.  It had been 12+ hours after they had broken my water and they were concerned with Maddie’s well being as well as my ability to even muster the energy to push after 49 hours of labor.  I didn’t want to endanger Maddie’s health at all and relied on the advice of Matt, my family and doctors and decided to go ahead with the cesarean.  It was a flurry of activity as I got prepped for surgery.  I was so scared and so emotional but I knew soon I would be meeting my little Maddie.  Meg offered to pray which gave relief and support to my fragile mind and I’m so thankful for that.  Soon after, I was wheeled out of my room and into surgery and anxiously waited for Matt to come in.  I was moved from my bed to another table where the procedure would be preformed.  They put up a curtain so I couldn’t see and started administering meds and pain relief through my epidural.  I started shaking uncontrollably as a reaction to some of the meds and was freezing.  I felt just helpless, frightened and nervous.  Probably more than ever before in my entire life.  Matt finally came in and just seeing him offered me some relief.  I remember feeling so much pressure on my abdomen as the procedure began and became extremely nauseous.  Matt held my hand and kept speaking encouraging words throughout it all.  Suddenly he exclaimed, “Oh my gosh, I see her and she’s got a full head of hair!”  His voice was choked up and emotional.  She had arrived into this world.  We were parents.

After for what seemed like an eternity, the nurse brought her over to us and I got my first look at her.  She was just perfect.  Gorgeous.  I longed to hold her, be close to her but I was so tired and could barely keep my eyes open.  I kissed her on her forehead before she was whisked away to continue to get checked out and measured.  Matt went with her and I drifted in and out of sleep as they finished with the procedure.

Back in the recovery room, she was brought to me and she snuggled into my arms.  It’s a moment you want to do nothing but relish and enjoy but exhaustion got the better of me.  I fought to stay awake and try to be aware.  I wanted to just stare into those beautiful eyes and smell her sweet skin but my body was just broken down.

Out of everything that didn’t go according to “plan”, this was the hardest to take.  I never imagined being this out of it during Maddie’s first few hours on earth.  It was far from what you see in movies or tv and definitely wasn’t what I had envisioned and it broke my heart.  I almost felt robbed in a way that might be hard to understand but that’s how I felt.  In fact, it took weeks to fully “mourn” that I lost out on those first moments and ended up having to have a c-section rather than a vaginal birth.  I felt that I was cheated out of an experience that I had envisioned for so long.

But she was here.  She was healthy.  I was healthy.  I tried to put everything behind me and focus on my little miracle.  My heart instantly fell in love with her.  As did the rest of our family.
The road of recovery was longer and harder than I had hoped but her sweet face and newborn snuggles kept me going through the discomfort and exhaustion.

Childbirth is a funny thing.  So much pain and fatigue but at the end of it all, you get the greatest gift and all the bad parts eventually fade quietly into the background.  You would do it again in a heartbeat.  Because the first time you hold that adorable little human in your arms, you are forever changed. In the best kind of way.

And her name is Maddie.

Becoming a mom this past year was crazy.  Just absolutely amazing and my entire world shifted.  This little human became my utmost priority and having her unlocked a level of joy that I never knew existed and a type of love that I can’t quite put into words.

But becoming a mom for the first time can be challenging.  There’s little time for yourself or your to do list.  And I found that nothing can quite prepare you for motherhood.  I knew things would change and that free time would be less but it’s so much more than that.  Even after having 15+ years of experience nannying and teaching, the role of motherhood is so entirely different.  It’s a 24/7 job that is accompanied by unconditional love, lack of sleep, excitement, worry, euphoria and doubt. Finding balance in it all has been at times difficult especially when I originally figured I would still be able to do most the things that I did prior to having a baby plus everything else that comes with having a little one.  This now makes me laugh.  There were many days early on where just getting dressed or making the bed or finding time to tackle the laundry were huge accomplishments.

But you know what?  For the most part, I’ve grown to be ok with that.

Because all that time I used to spend doing my to do list is now investing in something much more important.  My precious daughter.

She’s only going to be this little once.  So somewhere along the way, I just decided to stop worrying about trying to do everything and just soak up this time with her.  It’s been a long process of learning to really prioritize things and to stop worrying about trying to be perfect.  Because nothing on that list beats time snuggling with her.  Reading her a book.  Being silly, singing songs or having a dance party.  These are the things that have become my top priorities.

It’s no easy task.  It’s a constant daily struggle to not let the doubts get to you.  Or to compare yourselves to others and how they seem to manage it all.  Which has been challenging throughout this year and it brings me to my next point.

Running a business while adapting to all the changes motherhood brings is super hard.

My photography business has been such a labor of love and I have invested countless hours and blood, sweat and tears into it over the past 5 years.  I love my clients so much and take my responsibilities incredibly seriously.  But I’m not going to lie, this past year was tough.  I started back to work earlier than I was really ready to and we had a packed summer season.  I tried to plan as best I could beforehand and I’m thankful I did take a lighter load than normal but it was still a challenge to try and find the time to finish up everything.  But through the help of my husband, family and many many insanely late nights of editing, answering emails and trying to tackle all the business responsibilities, somewhere along the way, things did get done.  I’m just so thankful for my clients and their grace and understanding as I tried to figure it all out this past year.  And this coming year is all about perfecting that balance between work, family and life.

I truly loved these past 12 months and 2014 will always hold such a special place in my heart.  And I’m excited for the rest of 2015 and whatever it may bring.  I’ve got so many blogs to write, sessions to post and I can’t wait to share all the projects and shoots from the past 12+ months.  In the meantime, here’s a recent photo of me and my little Maddie over Christmas.  How she will be one tomorrow is beyond me?!?  I keep wishing for time to slow down but it’s flying by at such a rapid pace.  Every month though brings so many firsts and new things with Maddie and we just are completely enamored with watching her grow and learn.

Life is such fun with this little one by my side.

As most of you know, I’m currently on maternity leave and will be until mid-May when wedding season starts back for us.  I will be taking on less projects and weddings for the remainder of this year and am fully booked through July.  In the meantime, patience is much appreciated with responding to emails and inquiries.  

So many more photos and thoughts to share, but for now, here is a look into our last month through some iphone photos.  And if you’d like to follow along with our journey on Instagram, you can do so here (Kimberly_Chan).

Thank you all so much for your love and support during this exciting time!  xoxo

And it was perfect.  We spent two days in San Francisco shopping for the little one, eating delicious food and visiting friends.  We stayed at Hotel Tomo which was in Japantown and had a really great time.  Our favorite meals were dinner at Hops & Hominy (their fried chicken was amazing!) and brunch at Sweet Maple which was divine.

After a few fun-filled days in the city, we headed north to Healdsburg.  We’d both never been and had always wanted to go.  This adorable city did not disappoint.  We stayed at the H2 Hotel and I was in love.  So comfortable and modern and the rooms were huge and gorgeous.  Would come back here in a heartbeat.

In SF, we were busy and on the move the whole time and here in Healdsburg, we just relaxed.  We wandered through the town and shops, got a massage and ate some pretty delicious food.  It was so nice to just have some downtime with my hubby.  Which is really what a babymoon is all about.

One of the most amazing and exciting days of this journey was the day we found out whether we were having a boy or a girl.  Matt and I definitely wanted to find out the gender but not in the doctor’s office surrounded by an ultrasound tech or doctor or nurse.  So we opted to have them write the gender down secretly and seal it in an envelope that we took to a baker who made us a cake with the corresponding colored icing in the middle.  I ended up having to deliver that envelope to the baker and it took all my willpower not to peek or open it beforehand.  But I knew it would all be worth it to find out the news surrounded by family and friends.

We had to wait 2 days until our party with our loved ones.  I’m terrible with secrets and waiting so it was a long 2 days.  Everyone had their guesses and so did we.  I was sure we were going to be having a boy and Matt guessed we were having a girl.  Both sets of our parents guessed it was going to be a girl.  Then the moment arrived and we found out we were having a…

GIRL!  To say I was shocked would be an understatement.  I was so so certain it was going to be a boy and I just couldn’t believe it.  It took almost a full week to sink in.  We were so overjoyed at the blessing of a beautiful baby girl and we couldn’t have been more thankful to share that moment of finding out with our family and friends.

A special thanks to all our loved ones who were there with us to celebrate! Your love and support means so much to us!

The next few months were a whirlwind of packing, moving, unpacking and getting settled into our new home that we bought in September.  Moving while pregnant was a bit of a nightmare but we managed.  It definitely has taken a lot longer to settle in and get things all set up though.  I’m so used to being able to push through even when I’m tired but pregnancy has forced me to slow down.  Which I know is a good thing but it has taken me a long time to get used to not being able to do everything.

Working and photographing while pregnant took some adjusting to as well but thankfully, I really do have the best clients!  You all have made the process as smooth as possible and I’m so grateful.

And then there’s the never-ending growing of the belly.  Pregnancy really has left me in awe of the human body and the God who made us all.  How my body can grow and nourish another little human is so amazing.  Feeling her kicks and movements has been one of the greatest things about being pregnant and even though I have yet to see her face, I’m so incredibly smitten with her.  She seems to already have a personality all her own and I can’t wait to shower her with kisses and love as I get to know her outside of the womb.  Even though being pregnant has been anything but easy for me, the ability to carry a child has been such a blessing and one that I am so thankful for each and every day.

This next step into parenthood is so huge and one that at times terrifies me.  The fact that another little soul is completely dependent on Matt and I overwhelms me.  But I know we’re not alone in this.  God will help guide us and give us strength and has surrounded us with such a great support system of family and friends.  Even through the uncertainty, I’m beyond excited to be a mom and start a family with my best friend.  The fact that this little girl is part me and part him is truly amazing.

Matt and I have been together for 13 years and even though this next stage will be a huge adjustment for us both, I can’t wait to see him as a dad.  I know he is going to be incredible and that no little girl will be loved more.  So thankful to have him by my side and as my partner in life.  He really is the best.

A few weeks ago, one of my closest friends who also happens to be a talented photographer took some photos for us to remember this special time in our lives.  Many thanks to AnnaLisa Banuelos for these photos that will warm my heart whenever I see them.

Baby girl’s due date is March 7 which means she could be here any day now.  It fills my heart with such joy to know that in a matter of hours or days, we will get to hold this beautiful blessing in our arms and shower her with love.  Prayers for a smooth and safe delivery much appreciated and we can’t wait to update you all on her arrival.  Till then, thank you all for your love.  xoxo

Follow along on Instagram (Kimberly_Chan)

And their wedding day was full of lovely touches like these.  Nicole and Lyman were surrounded by such welcoming friends and family.  It was clear how much this special couple means to their guests and how much love surrounded their big day.  The Sainte Claire Hotel was the perfect spot for their reception filled with special fall details that reflected their warm autumn wedding day.

Nicole and Lyman, thank you guys for being the type of clients that are a dream to work with.  It has been an absolute pleasure getting to know you both and witness a love and a bond between the two of you that is truly wonderful.  Wishing you the brightest future filled with God’s blessings.  xoxo

A heartfelt thank you to my talented friend AnnaLisa Banuelos for second shooting.