kind of diva

Let's talk about stuff

2011-04-11T20:43:00.001-04:00

Shirt: Gap / Scarf: gift from Mernie / Jeans: AE / Boots: gift

So, I've been a bad blogger for basically this entire school year and for that, I apologize. I'm not gonna lie, this year has been tough and the college application process was the biggest part of it. So far, collgege has not been kind to me and I'm still kind of bitter about it and I probably will be for a while. To put it simply, I found a type of program that was exactly what I wanted, I applied to several of them, and didn't get into any. Being told no is not something I'm a stranger to, so I thought I could handle it, but it was harder than I thought it would be to be told no so many times in a relatively short amount of time. In case you're worrying, I got into (and was waitlisted) at a few great schools, and I'm on the verge of making my decision, but that doesn't make all of the rejections of this past year any less difficult to bear.

Now that the process is almost over (at this point I'm just thinking about my final choice and, of course, the many financial issues of attending a private college), I feel like I have a least a little bit of perspective (maybe not, but I probably won't really for another year or so). Even if I have zero perspective and I'm still way too involved in my emotions from this process, I would still like to reflect on what I've learned from this process.

Dress and Tights: Marshalls / Necklace and Beret: handmade / Boots: gift

Until recently, I thought I hadn't really learned anything. I didn't (and still don't really) understand why I had been rejected so many times. I worked really hard on academics and music all throughout high school, especially during the application process. I sincerely don't mean to sound entitled or snobby, I didn't assume that I would get in everywhere, I just assumed that I wouldn't only get into two schools out of the 13 I applied to. Yes, I applied to 13 highly selective schools (admittedly, most of them were as part of a double-degree program so I didn't actually apply to 13 programs) and got into two great places. I may be starting to sound like white girl problems or a walking stereotype, but I urge you to put yourself in my place.

At my school, lots of people applied to as many schools as me. Although I know people who only applied to a few schools, but a more normal number was about 7-12. People applied to all of or most of the Ivies just because of their names (even though, as most people knows, the Ivies aren't all the same type of school for an example, I don't think anyone would say Dartmouth and Cornell are for the same type of person). I know people who "have to" go to schools like Tufts, UChicago, or U of R because they didn't get into the Ivy of their choice. I hear about people choosing to study medicine, engineering, business, or law just because they want to make a lot of money (of course there's nothing wrong with studying any of these things).
It's hard for me to feel sympathetic towards these people because while they might feel a sense of obligation to go to college and get a high-paying job, so many of them don't have any passion. I have dreams, big ones, so when I didn't get in to those schools, I felt like my dream was being taken away. As stupid as it may sound, I know what I want to be when I grow up, and I had what I thought was the perfect plan to get there.

Sweater: Salvation Army / Skirt: Target / Converse: Marshalls / Earrings: Antrhopologie

Which brings me back to what I've learned. I've learned that sometimes, hard work, talent and planning don't always lead to success. I've learned that life doesn't always go the way you want it to. Those are bitter pills to swallow, but I've learned another lesson too, a lesson that I'll probably learn over and over again once I'm out of high school: that there are always many ways to get achieve you dreams. Even though I'm probably going to end up at a liberal arts school instead of a double-degree program, I still believe that I can achieve my dream of becoming an opera singer. I've questioned that so many times this year, and I will probably question it many more times, but at the end of the proverbial day, I truly believe in this quote: "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it." The quote is from the Alchemist, a pretty fantastic book that I read this year in its Spanish translation (it was assigned in my Spanish class).

The book is basically a fable, and I'll admit, it gets a little strange at times when the narrator is talking to the wind and the desert, but its central message is a fantastic one. It's about the concept of a "Personal Legend," a dream that one discovers, usually when they're young, that it is your purpose in life to complete. While the narrators Personal Legend is to find a treasure, I truly believe that becoming an opera singer is my Personal Legend. I know that its about as practical as the narrator's dream, but I know that I have to try, or I'll never feel fulfilled. I would highly recommend the book, and of course, I recommend following your dreams.
Well, I ended up touching upon much bigger themes than I had initially intended, and I'm sorry if I sounded at all preachy or judgmental, but I really needed to write out some of what's been in my head for a while.

2011-03-27T11:42:00.000-04:00

I am very happy to be done with my second 30 for 30. Looking back at it all, I was able to dress pretty much normally, which makes me think that I chose pretty good pieces. My few regrets are these:

The blue skirt: I wish that I had either chosen a different, more versatile skirt or eliminated it entirely (since I don't really have that many "winter-appropriate" skirts anyway)

The purple shrug: I don't regret choosing this piece. What I regret is not choosing pieces that could be worn with it! The only shirt that could be worn with it was the black tee (and I did to come up with alternatives throughout the challenge)

Sneakers: I chose not to include sneakers for this challenge in order to force me to wear other shoes (which actually worked, I did wear flats about half of the time). However, I did miss my sneakers and there are at least a few outfits that I think would've worked better with sneakers. In retrospect, I could've traded sneakers for my Bean boots.

If I had to pick a few favorites, I would choose 2, 7, 8, 13, 17, 20, and 28.
Also, here's a bonus (accidental) 31st outfit that I wore because I stopped keeping track of where I was in the challenge towards the end. Oh well.

Shirt: Gap / Cords: Delia*s / Flats: AE

Twenty eight, twenty nine, and THIRTY

2011-03-27T11:23:00.000-04:00

Tee: Target / Shrug: F21 / Cords: Delia*s / Flats: AE / Necklace: gift

Over the years, I've marveled at other people's music tastes. Its seemed to me that everyone seems to know about these cool new bands, and they listen to their songs and know all the words and they've even made up some dance to go along with it (ok, that last bit might just be my musical friends). I've always wondered how people found out about this stuff. Is there some feed that transmits what music that all people are supposed to know 24/7 that I have somehow tuned out of? Truly, it puzzled me. I am a musician! Shouldn't I know about music?

Tee and Cardigan: Gap / Scarf: hand-knitted / Jeggings: AE / Flats: Sperry

Well, I've realized recently that I don't listen to music the same way that a lot of other people (especially teenagers) do. I don't really listen to the radio. I typically don't listen to music when I do work (I'm distracted by words, and even melodies that I know too well, so sometimes I listen to my Stile Antico cds because they don't distract me). I also don't like to listen to my iPod when I'm in public because it feels anti-social. All that to say I don't really listen to music that much.

Shirt: Gap / Jeggings: AE / Flats: Sperry / Necklace: Target

I think I would like to listen to music more though. After all, I am a musician. Recently people have recommended that I listen to Bon Iver and Mumford and Sons, so I think I'll try them out. Also, I think I'm going to have to listen to Cake (I just listened to a song of theirs at Already Pretty) and the Smiths. This probably makes me seem terribly uncool, but such is my life. Until later.

Twenty Six and Twenty Seven

2011-03-25T13:35:00.000-04:00

Tee and Cardigan: Gap / Cords: Delia*s / Flats: AE

I'm feeling very done with posting my 30 for 30, so I'll keep this brief. I wore the first outfit during the day, and I wore the second outfit to see the Lion King with my brother. We had a fanstastic time, but I was lukewarm about the outfit.

Tee, Cardigan, and Skirt: Gap / Tights: Target / Flats: Sperry

Twenty five

2011-03-20T16:05:00.000-04:00

Sweater: Gap / Jeggings: AE / Boots: gift

I've been doing homework all day, so I'm not sure that I have it in me to write a really well-written post. So, I will let these pictures do the talking for me. Here's the story, last Saturday, my mom decided we would clean out the craft cabinet. I took a ton of pictures, and here are a few.

Twenty three and twenty four

2011-03-15T17:15:00.001-04:00

Tunic: thrifted / Leggings: Target Boots and Earrings: gifts / Scarf: mom's

I am definitely in a winter-related funk. After living in upstate New York for 18 years, I've accepted that March does not come in like a lion and go out like a lamb. March is actually a schiztophrenic lion whose alternate personality is a lamb. By now, I know that this is true, but it doesn't make this transitional weather any more fun.

Shirt and tights: Gap / Dress: OneStar for Target / Boots: Gift / Belt: AE

When I look at these two outfits (especially the first one), I think "winter." In fact, I went to school today wearing corduroys and a sweater, a pretty wintry outfit. However, when I left school to walk home today, it felt balmy in the upper 40s. You may laugh, but after a month when the temperatures seldm crept about 20 (that's not taking windchill into account), 50 degrees is jacket-less weather.

Basically, I'm very ready for winter, and my winter 30 for 30 to be over, but I know I have to see both of them to the end.

Twenty one and twenty two

2011-03-13T07:00:00.001-04:00

Shirt: J Jill / Sweater: gift / Cords: Delia*s / Flats: Sperry

I wore this outfit on last Tuesday. The comments I got from friends were "clean" "put-together" and "preppy." All of these things are elements that I like to channel on occasion, but if I were to define my personal style in a few words, I don't think I would choose any of those words. Which got me thinking, how do I define my personal style?

I don't honestly know if there's anything cohesive about my style. The above outfit is preppy. The outfit below (also worn on the eighth) is purely utilitarian. I love boho-stlye outfits and pieces (especially during the summer). Sometimes I wear hipstery-sweaters or hats. I love stand-out, artsy pieces. Sometimes I rock lots of accessories, but sometimes I don't wear any.
All in all, my style is evolving, which is sometimes confusing, but mostly, I like it. It lets me put on a slightly different persona every morning.

Tee and Cardigan: Gap / Jeans: AE / Boots: L.L. Bean

Even just looking at my 30 for 30 outfits so far, you can see that my style doesn't just involve different variations on the same theme. By the way, I'm almost done! I have five more outfits to put together (I'm wearing number 25) and only seven more outfits to actually post!

Twenty (finally)

2011-03-12T14:40:00.000-05:00

Beret: knitted / Shirt and Sweater: Gap / Jeans: AE / Flats: Sperry

So, in my last post, I said that I had an idea that I was working on for my next post. While this is partially true, it doesn't really convey what I had in mind. To be honest, I have lots of ideas for lots of posts, which leads me to my decision. Too often, I just throw some pictures up here with a few sentences because I'm short on time but I feel like I have to post. I rarely ever take the time to write a well-thought-out post about something that really matters to me.
When I first started reading Hail Mary a long time ago, I was amazed that she always had something she was thinking about, something interesting and worth posting about. That really used to boggle my mind, but now, I find that I understand that. I think I've done some maturing in the past year, or maybe it's because I finally am starting to exit the artificial world that is high school and enter the real one, but I'm finding that a lot of things are important to me and I have lots of opinions. Maybe now is the time to start sharing them.

Nineteen

2011-03-08T17:57:00.000-05:00

Shirt: AE / Jeggings: AE / Boots: gift

I decided to take last week off from the 30 for 30 for a variety of reasons (as a result, I am way behind), but I did end up accidentally wearing an outfit composed of all 30 for 30 pieces, so I decided to photograph it.

I've got an idea for a post in the works that I want to spend some quality time on, so I will keep this one short. Until next time.

Last weekend and Eighteen

2011-03-06T14:30:00.000-05:00

As I posted yesterday, much of last week was spent at tech week rehearsals for my school's musical or with my family. However, most of my weekend was spent at my friend Abbie's house at Lapland Lake (where I also spent New Year's Eve and my birthday this year). We drove up on Friday, and promptly decided to start making the dough and preparing the chicken for the pizza that we were planning to bring to her neighbor's potluck the next night.

Then we watched some NCIS and went to bed kind of late. The next morning, we did a fair amount of skiing. First we skied over to the lake and blazed our own trail.

Then we turned back and went on one of Abbie's favorite trails. I hadn't been skiing in a long time, so I got very sweaty after not a lot of skiing, but I had a really good time and I hope I can get more skiing in before the winter is over (in theory, spring begins in two weeks. what?).

After we skied back to the house, we got to work on finishing the pizza. The recipe was from Abbie's FoodPornDaily cookbook, and I will admit, it was complicated, but the pizza came out so well that the hours of labor were worth it. We had a pretty chill time at the potluck, and we went back to the house to watch weird foreign game shows/NCIS and take artsy photos.

It was a very relaxing way to end the break. Then I went home, showered, and changed into this outfit to go over to a friends house so that we could watch Apocalypse Now for school (we read Heart of Darkness in English, and since Apocalypse Now is based on that book, we could watch it and write some paragraphs for extra credit).

Tee: Target / Sweater: the Salvo / Cords: Delia*s / Boots: L.L. Bean

I hated Heart of Darkness, so it shouldn't be a surprise that I didn't love Apocalypse Now, but I'm glad that I've experienced them both.

the horror, the horror...

Only Seventeen

2011-03-04T22:38:00.000-05:00

Top and Sweater: Gap / Jeggings: AE / Boots: gift

Over February break, I had tech week (aka "hell week") rehearsals Monday-Wednesday, 9-2. On Thursday, the 24th, I:
1. Went to lunch at the Cheescake Factory for lunch with my family.
2. Went to Barnes and Noble and finally obtained a copy of the Great Gatsby (I've been looking for one for what seems like forever).
3. Decided to read The Metamorphoses for my English class (we're supposed to do a re-write of a classic text) and bought it.
4. Went to the Salvation Army and got an awesome men's sweater (100% cashmere!) for 7 dollars.
5. Got a pair of nice nude pumps for the musical (which currently reek of the smell of foot and the nail polish remover my friend used to take the scuffs off).

A successful day.

Fifteen and Sixteen

2011-02-25T13:54:00.001-05:00

Sweater and boots: gifts / Tee: Threadless / Jeans: AE / Scarf: Tara / Earrings: Target

So, as of this post I'm "officially" half-way through my 30 for 30 (although I wore outfit fifteen on Tuesday) and I'm almost caught up with my outfit posts (I plan on scheduling a post for outfit 17 later today). When it comes to this outfit, all I can say is that I looked better in person.

Tee and Sweater: Gap / Jeggings: AE / Flats: Sperry

This outfit was very comfortable, which I sort of knew already because it was an almost-repeat. I wore a very similar outfit (I swapped the flats out for my black boots) on an un-photographed outing to Webs (aka the biggest, awesomest yarn store ever) over Christmas break. To be honest though, I don't really care that it was a near repeat because I like this outfit, and I think it's a bit more visually interesting than some of the other outfits I've worn during this 30 for 30.

I'll be away for the weekend at my friend's lake house to watch NCIS, ski, cook, and hopefully, have some much-needed girl time.

Fourteen

2011-02-24T13:00:00.001-05:00

Sweater: Salvation Army / Scarf: knitted / Jeans: AE / Boots and Belt: gifts

Since this outfit is pretty boring, I'm not going to talk about it too much. I only wore it for an hour or two to go to my voice lesson, so it was about function, not style.
Instead of saying anything more, I'm posting some pictures of other times I re-mixed this sweater (not counting the two most recent times during the 30 for 30). I had never noticed that I favor pairing dark colors with this sweater, but these photos are showing me that I do.

And in case you haven't seen enough photos of me yet, here is a (more than) slightly overdue 30 for 30 re-cap.

Quick reactions:

I am unsurprised that I've worn the skinny jeans a lot. I'm also unsurprised that I've been wearing pants most of the time, it's been damn cold.

I am pleasantly surprised that I've worn the turtleneck and the purple flats more than once.

So far I've worn 24 items out of my thirty (as of my tenth look, I had worn 21 of my items). My mission for the rest of the challenge: to wear those six items (which are, if anyone's curious: the gray short-sleeved sweater, the striped green and navy top, the blue skirt, the purple shrug, the olive cords, and my winter boots).

Thirteen

2011-02-23T17:45:00.001-05:00

Shirt and Flats: AE / Tee: Threadless / Cords: Delia*s / Earrings: Target

When I was putting my 30 for 30 picks together this time around, I thought a lot about colors and the way that different pieces would go together, but for whatever reason, this totally obvious color pairing (or color matching) didn't occur to me. I actually had put on a different shirt with this pair of pants, but when I thought of this floral top, I realized the two pieces were almost the exact same shade. Then, I realized that I had a pair of earrings to match and I suppose that I could've gone whole hog and just worn a white cami under the shirt, but I decided to add in this tee as an accent (along with these purple flats, which I've worn much more often than I thought I would.

Eleven and Twelve

2011-02-22T18:25:00.000-05:00

Top: Gap / Cords: Delia*s / Boots: gift / Necklaces: made by me

Don't fret, although I only appear to be up to outfit twelve, I am currently wearing outfit 15. I an going to try to use this break from school (but, of course, it's a non-break from rehearsals for the musical which opens next week!) to catch up on posting these outfits.
So anyway, here are outfits 11 and 12, both of which I really liked. As for outfit 11, I was unsure about the color combo at first, but then I realized that I had worn it already with the same pants and a similarly colored, well-loved sweater.

Tee and Sweater: Gap / Jeggings: AE / Flats: Sperry / Scarf: mom's

As for this outfit, I was unsure about my footwear. Ordinarily, I would've worn sneakers with this outfit, but I didn't include any sneakers in my 30 for 30 in an effort to force me not to rely on them so much. I also considered wearing my purple flats, but those have been getting a lot of wear, and I thought they needed to be aired out a bit. So, the black velvet flats won out in the end.
To be honest, the outfit as a whole felt a little haphazard, but I liked the color combination (just like the above outfit) and it was damn comfortable (again, just like the above).

Nine and Ten

2011-02-19T12:40:00.000-05:00

Tunic (worn as sweater): Gap / Skirt: Hemporium / Tights: Marshalls / Flats: Sperry

This outfit sort of sruck me as a Rachel Barry-esque ensemble, so I was really happy when she gave her aesthetic a name during this week's episode of Glee, "sexy-schoolgirl librarian chic." I can dig it, at least a little bit of it...
But no, really, I loved this outfit. It was incredibly comfortable, and even though I was wearing green and black on Velntine's Day (I actually forgot about V-Day until I got to school), I felt good in it.

Top and tank: Gap Jeans and flats: AE

As for this outfit, it was boring, and we shall not speak of it again.

two for one

2011-02-13T18:31:00.000-05:00

I feel really behind on my 30 for 30. Most of the participants that I follow are on outfit 10, whereas I am posting outfits 7 and 8. Normally, that wouldn't bother me too much, but I had planned on being a little bit ahead of the game this time around. However, this week, all of my pre-laid plans were comepletely de-railed by what I originally thought was a bad cold, and what turned out to be a nasty sinus infection. I ended up leaving school early on Wednesday (and forgetting to photograph my outfit), staying home on Thursday (and not changing out of my pjs, obviously) and then leaving school early on Friday, when I miraculously remembered to photograph my outfit.

Sweater: Salvation Army / Shirt: J. Jill / Jeggings: AE / Boots: gift / Beret: knitted

There are two things that I want to point out about this photo/outfit.
1. It was inspired by this outfit that Sydney from the Daybook wore a few days ago. It ended up being pretty different, since I had to use what I had, but that's how inspiration works.
2. This is what good lighting can do for photos! I had almost forgotten. Now if only I could come home to take my photos around noon every day...

Tee: Target / Jeans: AE / Boots: gift / Earrings: on loan / Scarf: Pashmina

1/5

2011-02-10T10:44:00.000-05:00

Sweater: Gap / Cords: Delia*s / Flats: AE

As the observant reader might be able to guess from the time stamp on this post, I am not at school today. Instead, I am at home with a raw throat and a congestion headache, clad in sweatpants and a fleece jacket instead of any 30 for 30 items. While I'm at home, I'm going to try to get caught up. Caught up on Glee, on homework, on e-mails, on scheduling my driving lessons... Most importantly, getting caught up on sleep!

another day

2011-02-08T18:15:00.000-05:00

Shirt: AE / Jeans: AE / Boots: gift

I'll be honest, this outfit isn't my best. The number 1 reason I participate in the 30 for 30 is to force myself to use the clothing I have more creatively. Basically, to become a better re-mixer. I've done a bit of that so far, but I hope that I can do better as the challenge goes on. I'll attribute it to a slow start I guess.

living for the weekend

2011-02-08T17:46:00.000-05:00

Tee: Threadless / Cardigan: Gap / Jeggings: AE / Boots: gift

I wore this on Sunday, but I haven't had time to post until today. This week, my schedule has been a nightmare. Mom is out of town on business until very late tonight, my brother has been sick, I had a concert last night, and nothing in my schedule has been the least bit solid.

free to be

2011-02-05T17:45:00.000-05:00

Sweater, socks, and necklace: gifts / Cords: Delia*s / Flats: Sperry / Hat: knitted

Today's photos suck, so I am not going to write about them so much. Instead, I am going to make a list.

Some things I've thought about this week:

1. Dreams. I know it's cheesy, but for real. Think about your dreams. If there's anything I've learned from the college application process so far, it's that you can't give up on your dreams. Because of a whole lot of rejections in a row (not just college-related ones) I've been dangerously close to giving up on what I really want to do, but this week, I got a bit of a reality check (or maybe an optimism check). I am way to young to give up.

2. On a related note, these two quotes:

I've always been dissatisfied, I know that. But lately I find that I reek of discontentment. It fills my throat, and it floods my brain. And sometimes I fear there is no longer a dream, but only the discontentment. - John Adams in the movie-musical 1776

There are only two creatures of value on the face of the earth: those with the commitment, and those who require the commitment of others. - John Adams

Sometimes, I can relate to the first quote all to well, but then I remember how that particular scene of the movie ends. Although it seems that all is lost, and that the Declaration of Independence will never be finished, John Adams remembers his commitment and obviously, we all know how that story ends.

Senior year has been discouraging, to say the least, but a reminder that things will be better if I work hard and follow my dreams is always helpful.

zombies in the snow

2011-02-02T18:49:00.001-05:00

Tunic: Gap via Salvation Army / Jeans and flats: AE / Beret: knitted

Despite the fact that today was a snow day, meaning that I never left my house/yard, I decided to continue with my 30 for 30. To be perfectly honest, I spent most of the day without the beret or the flats (don't worry, I wore socks), but I decided that it was ok if I took the outfit I had, and just imagined what I would've worn if leaving the house had been required. Admittedly, I would've had to wear boots, but during the winter, I get into a habit of packing extra shoes with me when I go out.

Don't worry, I did end up leaving the house, even if it was only to do a bit of shoveling and frolicking in the snow with my little brother, and when I did, I dressed very warmly.

Of course, post-frolicking, I had to change my pants and socks (the snow was deep and it's still snowing now) so now, I'm rocking a pair of yoga pants and slipper-socks. You know me, I'm always so well-dressed.

Anyway, I'm in a much better mood than was yesterday. The things that were bothering me then (to keep it short, the college admissions process and my love life) are still bothering me in the back of my mind, but, as usual, a bit of R and R made a big difference, even if it's only short term.

In other news, I attempted my first message in Deutsch to my German exchange student:
Es schneit Heute. Noah und Ich haben einen kleinen Schneeman gemacht. Der Schneeman heist Geraldo. Hast du Schnee in Hamm? Ich vermisse dich!

I hope that everyone's day was lovely, with or without snow. And if anyone gets the reference in my post title, you win my eternal ~~love~~ ~~admiration~~ appreciation.

one is the lonliest number

2011-02-01T18:00:00.000-05:00

Sweater: Salvation Army / Dress: Converse OneStar for Target / Tights: Gap / Boots and scarf: gifts

So, the 30 for 30 has begun and this is look number one. Ooh, I love unintentional rhyming! I also rather liked this outfit. Unfortunately though, those were about the only good things in my day.
Well, maybe that's not true, but I'm in a serious funk and it's for a legitimate reason, so I think I've earned the right to be more than a bit down in the dump, especially since I've been working hard to be as positive as I can be this year.

Either way, I did like this outfit, and I think it was a pretty good start to my 30 for 30. I'm excited to get going with it!

My 30 for 30 picks

2011-01-31T19:07:00.000-05:00

Tops clokwise from upper left: Threadless, Target, Threadless, Gap, Gap, AE, J Jill, Gap, Gap, Gap

Pants from left: AE, AE, AE, Delia*s, Delia*s, Delia*s

Sweaters clockwise from upper left: gift, Gap, F21, Salvation Army, Slavation Army, Gap

Dress: Converse One Star for Target / Skirts from top to bottom: Gap, Hemporium

Shoes clockwise from upper left: gift, gift, AE, Sperry, L.L. Bean

new idea

2011-01-30T19:36:00.000-05:00

Shirt: Gap / Cardigan: Target / Jeggings: AE / Boots: gift / Scarf: gift

Just a new idea that I thought I'd try out. I'll post my 30 tomorrow.