Kinderpunk Musings

To thine own self be true

2022-12-06T11:17:00.002-05:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I do and why I do it as an artist. I've also come to accept that who I am and what fascinates me as an artist is inextricably linked to Jobsite's identity. I mean, maybe that's stating the obvious, but I think I've fought that in one way or another for some time.

Since the re-openings I've noticed a new word has replaced another in our discussions about material selection. At one point in time we used to say something was or was not a "Jobsite show." Even if we never really defined what that meant I think we all knew. Edgier, or at least irreverent. Darker, which not only included the Hallowe'en stuff but satire. We've always been after offering something that folks wouldn't necessary see on another stage in town.

Dracula (2022)

We're now openly using a different word: aesthetic. This show suits our aesthetic or it does not. That show could easily be presented in our aesthetic or not. Etc.

I wondered for a while if owning an aesthetic was somehow limiting, or would make us disregard-able as "niche." However, the thing I just can't ignore any more is that the people who are our most dedicated fans, the people who are coming to us to support outside of shows with their time or money or both are doing so because of their attraction to our aesthetic. Is this a result of the homogenization of American regional theaters? The attempt to be all things for all people? Even in the push for diversity, the American theater often manages to find a way to do essentially some permutation of the same dozen plays a year.

The History of the Devil (1999)

The longer I do this, the more I feel that our aesthetic is something to double down on, not something to be "fixed." The vision, the spark, the essence -- whatever you want to call it -- that has provided the fuel to continue to grind is in fact something to embrace, not extinguish.

It is all too easy to hit a wall, fall in a rut and just churn things out. I find myself in that place when I find myself pursuing the things I think other people want, things I tell myself we should be doing and not necessarily the things that move me or that our audience has any kind of appetite for. Almost always dissatisfied with the results, I make myself believe that it's just part of the gig and something to endure. I mean, there are also the things that move me profoundly that I find I over-reached on the audience's desire to witness.

The Resistible Rise of Arturo Ui (2022)

We are, after all, married to our audiences. We are not in a financial position to be unconcerned if they show up or not. We do not have any cash reserves left to absorb a financial disaster or two. Audiences are not coming back across the board in the way that allows one great success to counterweight a large failure because of the median numbers the other shows will do in between, two years after re-opening it is still either feast or famine and that trend shows no sign of ending. That's not just for Jobsite, I am hearing this nationwide from the smallest of professional theaters to Broadway.

We have an audience though, and we have built brand identity, and we know what works and what does not. Isn't it irresponsible of me to not set us up for success by pursuing the things that both suit who we are and what others want from us?

Case in point: for a number of years I listened to well-intentioned advice that we needed a big hoopty-doo gala to bring in the people with money who wouldn't go to another kind of event and that we were not already attracting. That we were "of the age" where this was just something we had to do to bring in the dollars. And, for a number of years, we tried and found that not only did "our" people we already had forged relationships with not want to attend an event like that, but we also failed in lining up the high-rollers. Those events were an intense amount of work, and ultimately disappointing even if some good things happened (raising money is never bad, even if it isn't as much as you wanted and you worked too hard for it).

Coming back this year from 4 years of not doing it I essentially said "ok, this is what we're going to do and how we do it" and it turned out great. I was happy, we were happy, our guests were happy, and all of a sudden the things we wanted to do all fell into place: we raised money, we had a great time, we built community within our artistic circles and with our audiences and community at large -- and it was nowhere near the amount of headache and effort. If anything the lead-up was a labor of love. That it may not have raised as much money as a gala was offset by the lack of sweat equity and anxiety leading up to it.

We put together our current season in similar fashion. We knew what we were up against financially after slowly bleeding out for two years. The stakes were clear. We needed "household names" for titles because of continued audience reticence and we decided to hold nothing back in terms of claiming our aesthetic. The season as a whole ended up pretty dark, but again this is where I remind myself that this is the brand we have built and what audiences expect and crave of us. Why fuck with the sauce? Why not own who you are? At the end of year celebration I mentioned above, I spoke to people new to our work who bought passes specifically because of the unique slate of dark shows. And I believe we live in a market large enough, with enough different kinds of theater companies present, that all of us embracing who we are would better serve the area than all of us trying to do the same thing. We'll all be better off for it.

Something else on my mind has been returning to work we're already done. You might know we have a few shows on this current season that we've done in the past -- any where from 1 to 21 years ago, and each for a unique reason. In our play group there is a camp who embraces nostalgia and a camp that always questions why we'd do a show we've done in the past (side note: I appreciate the differences in opinion within this group at all times, even if I don't agree with things the perspectives are important). I'm of a split mind on occasion, too, but generally fall more into the camp of enjoying opportunities to revisit things when we've been fortunate enough to have a hit that has left folks wanting more.

Jobsite turned 24 two days ago and Michael Murphy (co-owner of Silver Meteor Gallery where we started) posted about our genesis at his venue all those years ago, and it even had a copy of our first program (I don't even own that anymore). I was smacked in the head by one of the last lines in our mission/manifesto that pretty much took up a whole page:

To recognize and explore that art is not stagnant but in constant metamorphosis, and as such pledge ourselves to never abandon a project but strip, re-outfit, construct, deconstruct, reconstruct, and re-re-construct our work as we and the world change.

Well, shit. I forgot we even ever said that and as we streamlined a manifesto/mission into a simpler tweet-length statement it was excised (though I suppose I never really forgot about it deep down as the fascination endured). I clearly recall where the inspiration was coming from when we wrote it down on those bar napkins back in 1998: both San Francisco Mime Troupe and Berliner Ensemble, known for keeping shows around for decades (Berliner Ensemble still performs Threepenny Opera every year). This was also inspired by my time in Moscow where I saw shows that had been running annually sometimes for up to 70 years. A Tom Sawyer where a woman now playing Aunt Polly had started as a child in the chorus, moved up to Becky, etc.

Gorey Stories (2009)

I find myself asking why this show and why now when looking to bring something back. Sure, sometimes it's because I know it will sell out and be one less thing to worry about that season, maybe even helping us take a chance elsewhere. Sometimes it's because I feel like I left it unfinished last time. That I still have something left to get right. Or maybe I have something altogether new to say about it. It's never just an autopilot situation where we drag something back out to say we did. Something is informing a fascination, feeding inspiration.

Shockheaded Peter (2021)

Just as with my point about our aesthetic, revisiting work tends to do very well at the box office for us, and I believe the artistic results justify the decisions (as we know what's good -- or dare we use the word "important" -- and what sells isn't always the same thing).

Last week I was awestruck by an Edvard Munch exhibit at Musée d'Orsay. Among the work were quotes on the walls, and this one hit hard:

"shared elements" as a "vehicle for continuity," getting "closer each time to the emotion he was attempting to arouse," building "one painting on the last." I was like, damn, this is what I do. My aesthetic, which I would have argued for a long time I did not have, is also under this same refinement and I find myself working through certain things from show to show.

Maybe all of this -- the whole point of this post -- is me affirming that doing me, doing us, is something to embrace more openly.

This industry has been soul-searching for a number of years -- particularly since the lockdowns -- to get at what theaters are doing and why. What the place of theater is. What our responsibilities are. I don't know that I can answer that question for everyone, I can barely answer it for me, but I am becoming more and more resolved in the thought that the best way I know how to lead this company is by being true to the spirit of what we started on riding the currents that continue to bring us success. In short: I can't fix the American theater, I am not responsible for the American theater. I am accountable to myself, my artists, and my community.

I know that many things need to change in our society period and that art is part of that calculus, but I also know that I am not capable of fixing it all at once and that real change is mind-numbingly slow. So, the next question then becomes how do we get at all of this at once? I don't have an answer for that, either, but I think it begins with bring true to why we started and what's gotten us here.

Don't be a shitty tourist

2019-05-30T11:04:00.004-04:00

While in Belém last week, I saw a young, clearly American couple walking away from the famous tower proudly sporting identical t-shirts with "We're not tourists, we're TRAVELERS" in huge writing across the front. I could barely contain my vomit. I immediately felt all superior and judgey and wished hateful things on them -- after all they're ruining it for people like us, I thought to myself as we walked up to snap this selfie.

A few days later, at a small place off the beaten path in Porto that I can't decide if I should even share the name of or not lest I help ruin it, the server passionately talked about her neighborhood and the recent influx of foreigners. Not just folks traveling there for holiday, but people moving there and buying everything up.

The Uber driver that took us from the train station to our hotel made a similar comment about the number of Americans in Porto, not visiting but living. Another Uber driver in Lisbon remarked at the number of American tourists, and we commented that Portugal is at the top of every "best value" list right now. It's one of the reasons we were there.

Our server at that spot in Porto talked about the collateral damage of all of the outsiders and their money. Displacement of businesses that had been there forever, attitudinal and cultural shifts within old neighborhoods, and the elderly being booted out of their long-time family homes, forced to move outside of the city to godknowswhere.

"Gentrification," Summer and I almost said in unison.

After she left the table, the mood was a little different between us as we began to talk, pointing the fingers back at ourselves.

Fuck. We're part of the problem.

Now, hear me out, we're not the douche-tastic couple begging to get conned or worse in those godawful t-shirts, but we're still part of the problem. Then I began to think about how much I might be contributing to Bad Stuff when we travel.

There are certain things about traveling that Summer and I fully agree on, and we generally feel pretty good about how we do with all of these things where ever we go:

Learn how to be polite in the language. I'm not saying you need to be fluent, but you gotta at least learn the basics: please, thank you, no thank you (VERY important to get rid of people), hello, goodbye, good (daypart), excuse me, I'm sorry, I don't speak (language), do you speak English, where is the bathroom, can we get the check, keep the change, two more (whatever) please, and so on. Even if you *know* you're going some place where they speak English, it's shitty to assume. And you'll likely run into at least one person who doesn't speak English. It just makes you look like an imperialistic asshole to walk into some place and just demand they speak your language. Think about how that flies here at home. Once you're sure they speak English, be thankful and polite and still try to work in the phrases you know. It will go far. And, on the off-chance they do not speak English -- it's YOUR failing and not theirs. Don't be a dick about it, or talk louder and slower like that's going to help. Asshole. Get DuoLingo, Nemo, or LingoPal if just trying to get the basics down. They'll all help.
Accept cultural differences without value judgments and remember you are a guest. This one can be so hard, but it's important. Just because something appears a certain way to you doesn't mean it is wrong and your way is right. Maybe you see an old lady feeding a ton of stray cats in an alley that look a little janky -- don't judge her. Don't lecture her. As a matter of fact it's probably a horrible idea to try to slap on a cape and try to save anyone from whatever you think is going on. Or judge them for whatever cultural practice you see. Observe. Learn. Try to understand. Now, I'm not talking about turning a blind eye over someone getting mugged, I'm just saying quit looking at everything through your eyes. Think of it like when you were a kid and you spent the night or weekend at a friend's house. If they eat dinner at 11pm, you're just going to have to roll with it, not demand they serve you at 6 like you get at home.
Never forget that you're a tourist, and try to minimize that damage. Look, you don't need to wear the "I'm not a tourist" shirt -- the locals are still probably going to peg you. You can help by not being that family of 5 wearing the matching American flag shirts. Or screaming and acting the fool loudly in English at that cafe with your friends. Or FaceTiming everything you see loudly in English to grammy back home. Don't be loud in English, basically. Observe your surroundings and act accordingly (not only out of respect but for your own safety). And try to fit in at least a little bit in how you dress. In a lot of bigger cities people just dress like they're from the city (for instance, I should have brought several more pairs of shorts to Portugal, but was worried I'd stick out). Other places not so much, so figure it out. You're also not going to be allowed in some places like holy sites with certain body parts exposed, etc. Doing this not only helps to not re-enforce what a lot of locals already think about Americans/Westerners and how they will treat you as a result of those first impressions, but it also helps take the target off you for people who are possibly looking to rip you off or just get you to buy something/panhandle.
People are not props for your pictures. It's not Disneyland and the people who live where ever it is are not costumed characters. It's rude AF to walk up to someone and snap a picture because you think they look cool/exotic. If someone is working as a craftsman or artisan or whatever the least you can do is talk to them a bit (remember those polite phrases you learned?) and ask for permission.
Get out of the tourist areas. Yes, this requires more work (language, research on good/safe areas) but will pay off dividends in terms of getting a more authentic experience, and you'll be helping out the neighborhood economy. The 5-seat restaurant only open 7-12m needs your money more than the McDonalds or the Hard Rock. The handmade trinket is a better investment than the piles of made in China stuff on the main drag.
Get there responsibly. This is more environmental in nature, but it still matters. Multiple layovers may save you money but are way worse for the environment since airplanes burn up most of their fuel on takeoff and landing (plus, who wants it to take longer to get there?). Also try to choose overland travel like trains whenever you can. Electric trams and whatnot over cabs. Try to pack light/er.
Stay there responsibly. I see so much waste from tourists: water bottles, snack packaging, Summer saw a guy smuggling a whole parcel of plasticware in his back pocket I guess to get him through the day. You know the rules already about this at home -- carry a refillable water bottle, turn down one-use plastic you don't need, bring along a re-usable shopping bag and/or beeswax seal sheets -- these rules all don't just go away when you travel because you're afraid of eating local food or drinking local water. Again, do your research because you can drink the water more places than you can't. At a brewery in Lisbon the bartender seemed surprised that I took a glass of tap water over purchasing a bottle. Portuguese water is way better than the it is at home in Tampa. If it's about worrying over catching something, hot street food is usually safe if you see it being prepared in front of you, especially food over a fire. The cold stuff is where you start to worry about something going dodgy. If you have food allergies (like, real ones -- not fake-celiac or you just don't like mayonnaise), you'd be surprised how many options you'll have. And if you're just one of those super-picky people who eats like 5 things ask yourself why you're going on vacation to begin with. Kidding. Not kidding.
Be a frand to the animals. Don't feed wild critters, just like at a park at home. Don't do anything that exploits animals geared to tourists and instead look for legit sanctuaries or preserves if you want to experience animal life. Don't eat exotic meats that come from endangered animals just because that country doesn't enforce laws or you find a spot that serves some kind of poached animal.
Allow yourself to enjoy things and don't listen to the haters when it comes to skipping "touristy stuff." I know I'm talking a little out of both sides of my mouth, but I have totally waited in a line for like 3 hours to go into the Paris Catacombs or just recently for a while at the Livraria Lello. There are lines at most of these places for a reason -- it's going to be pretty cool. Again, do your research because you might find a non-top 5 thing that you might personally like better than one of the top 5, but if you're honestly dying to see the Mona Lisa at the Louvre -- do you, boo. It's your vacation after all. You're not going to lose points. Just go eat a nice local meal at an out of the way spot afterwards. Some of my best memories of vacations are from places like the Tower of London, the astronomical clock in Prague, the Museé d'Orsay and so on. Don't be afraid to be the style of tourist you are, just don't be a jerk about it.
Respect the places you visit, and leave them like you found them. Keep in mind most churches and the like are still functional places of worship. If the sign says no flash and you have a hard time turning it off, don't try to take pictures. If it says no talking, STFU. If it says no pictures, put the camera away. Memorials are just that, so behave accordingly. No need for the duckface selfie in front of the train car at Birkenau. You do not need to try to pry a piece of stone out of a castle wall as a souvenir, or even take that pinecone or flower from that forest. Imagine if every single visitor did that? Never, ever, make the "well, that rule doesn't apply to me" or "but this is my favorite place in the world" exception for yourself. Selfish bastard.
Maybe consider keeping some things to yourself when you get back, or at least not put it on blast on the internet. This is perhaps where I have done my worst damage as a tourist, and something I am thinking about hard right now. That cool little 5-table restaurant down the side street mere blocks away from the bustle of a major landmark? Once you share it to TripAdvisor, Yelp, Foursquare, Zomato, Google and blahblahblah it's no longer a secret. At least think about that. Here is a blessing and a curse. On one hand supporting these local small businesses is good for the economy, on the other encouraging the Western masses to go tromping through the neighborhood probably does little to stop gentrification. I keep thinking of the server's story about the old ladies getting kicked out of their homes after the buildings have been bought up by foreigners to make apartments or whatever for ex-pat Americans. That sucks, and while I know in my own way I am complicit in this arrangement I have to be able to help. Once the neighborhood gets bought up, that restaurant won't be there -- or if it is it will be ruined. I'm not telling you to not post that review, I'm just asking you to consider how even that has an impact. Suggesting the d'Orsay over the Louvre for people who care more about modern art and less about portraits of old dead nobility and Jesus? That's helpful. And those places already suck with the tourists.

The real irony of my last bullet point is that we were sitting at that place in Porto listening to that server tell her story because, you guessed it, it came highly recommended on a travel site as an out-of-the-way spot with a funky vibe, great food, and 77 beers.

While at another bar in Porto, an Irish dude asked me if I was Irish and I said "no, American." Then he insisted "but you're from Ireland" to which I responded "my people are from there, but you know what that makes me? Fucking American." "Irish-American" he cheerfully tried to counter and I said "no, just fucking American." He chuckled a bit and then agreed.

I love to travel. I love traveling and seeing the world, going to new places and soaking up everything I possibly can. You know what that still makes me though? A fucking tourist. And that's ok. I'm just doing my best to not be a shitty one.

Briefest of candles

2014-04-10T11:16:00.000-04:00

I feel simply rotten today. A little guy came and blew in and out of our lives so fast that it almost doesn't seem real.

We found this small pit at New World just 2.5 weeks ago. He was happy as hell, friendly, a bit beat up and didn't seem to have an owner there. Ybor, Saturday night, dog running around, and now people are getting annoyed with him. Next thing he's taking a ride in the box of Summer's Rabbit ...

He won us over pretty much immediately, but we knew there was no way on this green earth that we could take another animal in. The Bohnenkamp-Jenkins household is bursting at the seams, and a majority of our critters are VERY OLD. Still, we spent time trying to housebreak him (which he took to quickly), set an appointment to get him fixed and vetted up, and most importantly began the hunt to find him a forever home.

We went through 2 near misses before landing with our good friends Chris and Jaime, who were looking for a new dog. He passed the home visit test with both the humans and their dog Bella, and we were set! Only a few days for the new home to prep for him and he was to be on his way.

This past Sunday, he (Little Man, or Little Dude as we were calling him because to name is to claim in these parts ...) had been in our lives for just two weeks but had made a deep impression. He slept on Summer's face practically most nights. 35 pounds of love. He had the whole-ass-shake-happy thing going on most of the time. Apart from insisting on taking a dump on the deck and not in the yard and occasionally chasing after a cat wanting to play he didn't have any bad behaviors. No aggression at all to anything, quite the opposite, actually. He was submissive. A lover, not a fighter.

When we had him fixed and all of his shots, they said he'd tested positive for heartworms which they believed to be easily and fully treatable considering his age. We'd promised Chris and Jaime we'd take care of all of it if someone could give him a good home. They got him a Star Wars collar the day we did the hand off, and they named him Riggs (short for Rigatoni, naming your pets after food has to be an Italian thing). I'm pretty sure that dude was set.

On Tuesday he developed a fever and became lethargic. Tuesday night they were in the ER. Sparing too many details, he had an autoimmune disorder and it's possible the vaccinations triggered a reaction. Either way his body just turned on him. Chris and Jaime spent a final day with him yesterday. Summer and I spent last night trying not to beat ourselves up, I don't know how many times we must have apologized.

This morning Riggs left us, peacefully and with a loving family around him. At least he had that and it wasn't on the street where we found him. A small consolation, but still meaningful. I told Jaime that "errathang is gettin' hugged today." The heart just breaks. 2.5 weeks seems like a ridiculously short amount of time to get attached to an animal like that, but there it is. It's not always about the duration of time a relationship exists.

I had no doubt that Riggs was a Good Dude. The sort of pit to show off to all the pit-haters who think they eat babies and just want to kill that Yorkipugadoodle you carry around in your purse.

Furry. Little. Tragedies. Not that I'd really have my life any other way. There's too much good that comes with it. Carlin says it best, because, man, I need a fucking laugh right about now:

Where are all of these people coming from?

2014-01-18T13:30:00.000-05:00

The last show we did that I was disappointed in attendance of was The Lonesome West. Not saying in bombed, I just thought the quality of the work deserved more attention.

Since then we've produced three mainstage shows, and each and every one of them has outgrossed our best-performing show from last season. Two of them, Hedwig and Macbeth, are pretty well entrenched as the highest-grossing and best-attended things we've done.

But, I compare this season to last because it was last season when we implemented our first price increase the better part of a decade, and so this season to last is truly apples to apples.

Now, I thought we had some great shows last season that also did pretty well at the box office (Fahrenheit 451 and Much Ado in particular) in addition to something like West where I really feel like we left a lot out on the table.

But, where in the holy hell are these people coming from this season? I am having a difficult time explaining it, but I'm by no means complaining. At first I thought Hedwig was a fluke and was enjoying the fruits of being a cult-hit already that had new buzz with the NPH production opening soon. Macbeth, ok, it's Shakespeare and Halloween and all that good stuff. Yes, Hound is also a recognizable title with a bit more modern relevance that's enjoying new interest from TV and movies and a show that's also in a vein of some of our more popular comedies (like The 39 Steps).

Are we just enjoying the perfect storm of perfect storms? Three in a row like this is baffling. And awesome. And scary, because now I'm going to sit around and wait for the other shoe to drop.

Threes. Thirds. 35%. It's becoming something of a pattern. These three shows. We increased payroll last season by 35%. This season is drawing 35% more people and dollars than last did.

We didn't set out to necessarily do this with the season. Of course we're always trying to do better, but it's not like we thought we had a magic bullet here to take a huge jump up, but it's happening. I can't shake all this as I get ready to go into our final play selection meeting. On the one hand I can't help but to compare last season to this and try to make sense of the differences, and at the same time I'm trying to keep myself honest that the goal here is to pick the best work, the work that appeals to us as artists and our mission and serves the audience we're building. Again, there's no magic bullet here.

I'm pretty excited about some of these titles and some of the possibilities in front of us. I gotta keep the faith that this process is why we're having such success now, and why we'll hopefully continue to grow at the rate we are.

Opening night thoughts

2014-01-10T14:01:00.001-05:00

A little less than 2 months ago I told my director I might need to be replaced in The Hound of the Baskervilles. I'd broken my foot, see, and I wasn't exactly sure how bad the damage was.

Around 5 weeks ago it was concluded that I *should* be ok enough to perform after a bunch of tests, and 4 weeks ago we kicked into gear on the show. My biggest worry wasn't even really my own health. Those of you who know me won't be surprised by that, I was worried about dragging the show down.

As fortune would have it though I'm playing the ONE part in the show that doesn't have a millionty quick changes, the one whom most of the action revolves around. In the beginning I could only hang with about 2 hours of work at a time but thankfully my stamina has improved significantly since then. I spent the first two weeks of rehearsal thinking of physical things I could do when I got well enough. Or contingency plans if I didn't. Now, the bones have healed but I still have a fair amount of tissue damage, leaving my foot just generally stiff and sore.

Last night it occurred to me that my Watson actually walks like I did when I wore "the boot" for those weeks. A bit on my heel, toes pointed up with a slight bit of turnout. I think it's actually a large part of what's making my foot hurt, but the gait is in my bones (har) and is now part of the character. I gotta find the way to work out of that. I think that fact and generally not staying off of it is slowing down my recovery. Not much I can do, but I'm really looking forward to generally being off of it from Sunday night through Thursday when I go back into the theater.

What's funny is I haven't felt the pain in my foot for the past two nights while being in front of an audience. I only notice it at the half and afterwards. Too pumped, too charged, too involved. There's a bit of chicken and egg going on here -- my foot would likely not be as sore if I'd stayed off it all these weeks, but I don't feel it on stage, but surely being on stage is what's making it ache the other 14 hours a day that I'm awake. Oh well.

Anyway, about a week ago all of the tech for the show came in leaving me once again feeling helpless. Like I said, I don't have all the quick changes. I don't really move a bunch of scenery. I have a pretty decent number of props but they're either handed to me on stage (making them someone else's problem to get out there) or fit in a pocket. I've not been of much help, and am in a position where I've been watching others struggle. I don't leave stage much, so I can't help with any of the changes. My foot's still not great, so I can't climb a ladder and pitch in there. I can only endure being on my feet for so long and still get through the performance, so I'm not much good for even sweeping or straightening. I'm on the bloody stage, so I can't really see how things look as a whole or how anything plays. The blessing of being "just an actor" is also a curse when you're supposed to be in charge.

Oh, and this show? It's hard. Ridiculously so. I only helped at a few rehearsals and was an audience member for The 39 Steps, but folks who worked it are saying this is even harder. It makes an abridged show look like a 3 minute SNL sketch. Our stage manager has well over 300 cues. The play takes place in almost 40 scenes. Giles at one point has what seems over a dozen costume quick-changes in one scene alone. We have two folks working their tails off backstage who really never stop moving in a very tiny, honestly inadequate, space while we're running on and off bumping into them, each other, and the walls as they try to keep everything straight. The three of us are moving so fast and with such effort we're sweating through whole suits (and dresses). I don't care what anyone says, comedies like this are among the most difficult things an actor can take on. Arthur Miller ain't got shit on this.

Techs weren't as smooth as any of us would have liked them to be. No one was panicking, but everyone was clearly concerned. Then, the first preview happened two days ago and afterward we all sorta looked around at each other in agreement that this thing had legs. We've had stuff to fix, but nothing we didn't believe was fully fixable. Last night's final preview let us know it wasn't a fluke, and now we all feel confident going into tonight's opening.

That growth from first tech to final preview was nothing about some bullshit magic of the theater (even if the turnaround was nothing short of magical). I've never believed the bullshit though about "bad preview means great opening" or "it just needs an audience" or "it will come together, it always does." That's crap. Audiences don't fix transitions or muddy work, yanno? There is no magic -- only hard work, attention to detail, genuine collaboration, careful planning and time management, good communication, and then some more hard work. And loads of patience. This show evolved from last Saturday's first tech to last night's final preview because 9 people came together and willed it, they made it happen. And they did so with minimal squawking and attitude, which sadly infects processes all the time and is just simply something I won't stand for at Jobsite. When crisis came everyone made it about the work, not about finger-pointing.

I'm excited to open tonight. Excited because just two months ago I feared I'd be watching from the sideline. Excited because a week ago I feared we might not be ready. Excited because I know this is going to be my last time on stage for a long time, what may turn into a very long time. I've gotten pickier anyway about the roles I take as I get older, but frankly I'm of better use elsewhere. On the other side of the stage. No matter how much acting will always be my first love I recognize that truth. It's very hard to be both at once. And anyway, I'm looking at what seems to be our shortlist of plays for 14-15 and there's nothing in there that appeals to me as a performer so it's safe to say this is it for me for at least the next year and a half if not two years.

If this is it for me even for good, I think I picked a good show to go out on. This style of show has long been one of my greatest pleasures as a performer, Shawn's been one of my best friends and stage cohorts since I came to Tampa, Giles has quickly become one of my favorite actors to work with and now I finally get to share the stage with him. Between this, The Lonesome West and Closetland, that's a pretty neat trio of shows to cap my acting career if that's how this goes down.

So I'm going to enjoy this time, and I'm thankful (relieved?) that everyone buckled down this past week and put in the work that was necessary to give us what we will launch tonight.

I hope you get the chance to see it.

Crockpot Channa Saag

2013-12-11T10:19:00.001-05:00

After breaking my foot, I've been trying to incorporate as many of the "healing foods" into my diet as possible. I read that beans, greens, and yogurt were among tops of that list for bones, which made me think of Channa Saag. This was the recipe I sorta winged yesterday. Not as low-fuss as you could have gone for crock-pot cooking, but I think the results were worth it.

I have a giant crock pot. All measurements are approximate. By nature I am a Ouija cook.

4 1-lb bags of frozen spinach
4 15.5 cans of chick peas
1 quart of plain/Greek yogurt
2 lbs fresh tomatoes (I had Delanoes in the fridge)
2 good sized onions (med to large?)
2 shallots
8 cloves garlic
2 sq. in. of fresh ginger root, grated fine
4-6 chilis - your call how many or how hot. Jalapenos will work here.
Olive oil or Ghee, if you have that about
Cilantro leaves, to taste

Dry spices:
Garam masala
Curry powder
Cumin
Cayenne
Turmeric
Coriander seeds
Peppercorns
Curry leaves (don't have these? Try a few bay leaves)
Salt

Defrost spinach and try to squeeze out as much water as you can. Or don't, your curry will just be soupy. Set aside. If you want to be more authentic you can run this through a food processor. I don't.
Drain and rinse the beans. Don't mess this step up. That starchy soup the beans are in will jack your curry up. Set aside.
Heat up a cast-iron pan to med, add 4-6 tbsp of oil/ghee. Toss in about 1 tbsp ea. of peppercorns and coriander seeds with a small handful of curry leaves (only 2ish bay leaves if you're using those) get that all starts crackling up an aromatic storm and smelling up your kitchen then add in the shallots, onions and garlic. Cook til it starts to go clear then toss on the grated ginger. Cook while stirring another minute or so.
Turn stove to low, add in 5 tbsp curry powder, 3 tbsp cumin, 3 tbsp garam masala, 1 tbsp (less if you're a wussy) cayenne, 1 tbsp turmeric. (THIS MIXTURE IS ALMOST ALWAYS DIFFERENT. I also tend to adjust all of this in the pot as I go. If you're worried about over-spicing it, cut back to 4 tbsp curry, 2 ea. of cumin and garam, 1/4 tbsp cayenne and 1/5 tbsp of turmeric and build up). Blend this well until it becomes a scrumptious smelling pasty onion roux of sorts. Sorry I can't be more exact, I never write this stuff down.
Turn the crockpot onto med. Fill it with the spinach and chickpeas. Add the veg-spice spice mix from the pan on top and about 3/4 of the chopped tomatoes and about 2 tbsp salt. Blend well. Let this go until it starts to bubble up in the crock, then set it to low for as little as an hour, as long as all day.
About 30-45 minutes before serving, fold in about 2 c. of the yogurt and blend well til creamy and then let it resume cooking/resting.
When you're ready to serve top each bowl with a bit of the chopped tomatoes, cilantro leaves and a drizzle of yogurt if you'd like. It at least makes it pretty before you start gorging on it. :)

This pairs well with rice, if you're into that. I usually eat it as is - like a stew - with papadams and mint chutney that I also make (1 big bunch cilantro, 1 lg onion, 3 c. mint, lemon/lime juice pureed in the blender) on the side.

VOILA!

Crankynuts McWhinypants

2013-08-16T16:20:00.000-04:00

I have work to do. (I always have work to do.)

I should be writing my dissertation.

If I keep saying it, it'll happen. Right?

Right???

This might be the busiest month I've ever endured, and it's only the 15th. I had a crapload of stuff to do today, culminating in a meeting with my Creative Loafing ad rep to finalize next year's sponsorship agreement and so decided to stay here at New World Brewery and work since the day is almost over.

But ... apparently Dropbox has a billionty files to sync since I haven't used this laptop in probably 2 months.

*sigh*

So I stall. I may as well wank through a post where I whine about the unfathomable amount of shit in my world right now. Why not? It'll be therapeutic. Or at least kill time.

I should be writing my dissertation. My funding runs out in May, and I can't pay for school. I have a zero draft of a first chapter and about 50% of my second. This is out of 5. I have to start writing more. Writing faster. Say more smart things.
I closed The Lonesome West on Aug. 4. I think it's the best work I've ever done as an actor. It was sad to walk out of the room that week. My body is still recovering, mostly the ankle I trashed on that effing stove during the third week.
The next day I started rehearsals for Hedwig and the Angry Inch, which I am directing and doing the video for. This is another amazing room of people, which makes me miss TLW a bit less than I might normally. I can't say enough good stuff about this group. I find peace in that space, even for just a few hours a day. It's a gift, and so I will always be present ...
One of our major grants was due today, and despite the fact that I started on it the day it was announced and applications made available, the past week just turned into a goat-rodeo despite all the advance planning.Why are these things always harder than they should be? It's in though, and that's what matters most. I think the narrative sections are the best I've done.
My bank accounts and accounts belonging to my mom that I am linked to got hacked and drained. Nothing but good times trying to resolve all of that ...
We refinanced the house -- a good thing -- but it required a billionty more calls, emails, bits of research and what have you than I think either of us anticipated. At least that's done now.
During the day for the past two weeks I've finished out the summer term at USF. 56 papers/final exams to read and grade. Group projects to coach up and evaluate. Now I have to gear up for the fall term starting in two weeks ...
I submitted the final proof for my first major publication appearing in Text and Performance Quarterly this October. It was exhilarating to see that final pdf of my pages as they will show up in print. It's only a few pages, but it's a big deal for me.
The back of my house started to rot off due to rain damage and I had to have a ton of it replaced. That project exceeded the initial work quote by about 33% due to the damage found beneath ... and by the fact that most of it also had to be reinsulated. At least that's done apart from the final paint. I may be ok with that thick coat of Kills for a week or so until things level out.
The backline of my fence, which I didn't replace a few years back when I had the rest of the fence replaced, is FUBAR and I have to deal with that Monday.
On Tuesday my entire AC unit inside is being taken out, apart and deep-cleaned because the coils are beyond nasty and have caused a leak. At least I can catch it with a bucket for now. I just had the outside unit serviced last year.
Tomorrow Jobsite has our first-ever big-time Gala to raise funds for increased artist payroll. This is new territory. It's something we've never done because of time, and resources, and know-how. We have a killer committee busting their collective asses to pull it off, and I generally feel like shit because I've not been able to help that much because of every other bullet on this list. I've had to draw lines and turn down requests to pitch in, instead delegating them because I just feel I have nothing left to give. I'm even letting my wife and a friend dress me. I just can't be bothered.
(Dropbox is STILL syncing. Ugh. I need those files.)
I just heard my Dad's voice ... "Suck it up."
NCA, my big academic convention, is in November. I am chairing two panel presentations while participating in a third. That work is all sitting somewhere off in the distance, nagging at me while I pointedly ignore it.
I don't think I've taken my dogs out anywhere, even for a walk, in probably a month. I sit outside and try to pretend I'm paying attention to them while they entertain themselves and I plunk away madly on a keyboard.
I'm turning down things coming my way that occur anytime before at least February, and know full well I should take on nothing not already committed to through May, minimum.
I feel like my wife and I are pretty much living a modern Ladyhawke. If I'm lucky I get to hang out with her an hour or two before she has to go to bed in order to get up early, and maybe we chit-chat for 5 minutes in the morning when I get up and before she walks out the door for work. I'm not a morning person, so those are usually not very meaningful.
(Still syncing, and draining my battery. Maybe I should just go home to work.)
It's casting season -- complete with all the drama, anger, games, ploying, conniving, gossip, and blame that comes with it every year. This is just icing on the gravy, because, well, you know.

This all just adds up to a giant pile of "What in the actual fuck?"

Generally speaking I've kept my sense of humor, but there are a good 5-6 times a day where I either want to lay a mushroom cloud down on someone, rightly or not, or crawl into a hole and just give up. Neither have happened, but still ...

Ladies and Gentleman, I believe I have hit my limit. It's taken a while to catch up to me, I'm good at being busy but this is just insane. I haven't known what it's like to do just one thing in quite some time. But this many things that all need immediate attention is just too many things.

And it will pass, and I know that. Doesn't take the present reality away though. I can just keep crossing things off while not adding anything else. And be smarter moving forward.

AH! 239 files synced ... I feel ya, Dropbox.

57% battery life remaining. That seems about right, too.

Jobsite Gala: I need your help!

2013-08-06T13:45:00.003-04:00

**UPDATED FOR A FINAL DAY-OF PUSH**

Friends,

I wanted to briefly (always a challenge for me), but with great passion, make an ask for assistance with our Gala in the Jaeb Theatre at the Straz starting tonight at 7p. If you haven't heard, here's the skinny. In return for your very reasonable donation ($75 per person or $125 a couple) we are offering:

An OPEN BAR until 10:30 with wine and craft/import beer provided by J. J. Taylor Distributing, The Independent, and Augustan Wines.
Gourmet hors d'oeuvres from some of the best restaurants in the region -- The Refinery, Ella's, Mise en Place, SONO Cafe, The Rooster & the Till, and The Birchwood
Live music all night from the R&B/soul/funk outfit The Black Honkeys
Keepsake photo opps from VPN Studios
A silent auction full of great premium items - dining, spa, vacation, fashion, beauty, original artwork, jewelry and more

Over the course of the night we'll also be honoring Straz President Judy Lisi with our first Shooting Star Award, there will be an "unwigged" and unplugged teaser from Hedwig and the Angry Inch, and we'll also have plenty of Jobsite memorabilia on hand from past seasons. Summer and I will be there, of course, along with many other Jobsite folks. This is a super-major-crazy-big deal for us. Truly.

Because of the Herculean efforts of this Gala committee (there's going to be an exhaustive thank-you not coming soon) and the staggering generosity our amazing sponsors, there's not a lot of overhead for this event meaning that most of the money we stand to raise here goes back to the company. All proceeds from this event are going to increase artist salaries for the 2013-14 season. Most of you know how hard we all work. Even though we were able to increase artist pay by almost 35% this past season, we are still not yet paying a living wage. This Gala will help get us closer, if we can get the support of our community.

And jeezy-creazy, a lot of folks I know would lay down $125 doing it up on a Saturday night -- why not come party with us and have all of that money go to a good cause that stay's here in this community, making all of us better off?

You can buy your ticket right now or just walk up to the doors of the Jaeb Theater during the event, or if you'd like to pitch in but can't go you'll also notice a button for straight donations when you follow the previous link.

I've personally been so overwhelmed with working on my dissertation, teaching a full load of classes at USF, acting in The Lonesome West and gearing up for Hedwig and the Angry Inch that I've had very little time to help the way I would like to with this event. I can't thank this committee and these sponsors enough for what they are doing for us. I hope you can be there. Jobsite has always been able to hang on through the generosity of our community.

Sincerely,

-dj

Don't miss what's still in front of you

2013-08-01T12:55:00.001-04:00

"Don't miss what's still in front of you."

That was a group text sent last night from my good friend Paul Potenza, to his cast of The Lonesome West. We'd just had our last pickup rehearsal of the four-week run and he had sent a well-wish along to us at the theater when one of my fellow castmates replied they were already missing doing the show.

"Don't miss what's still in front of you."

It's a great thought, and applicable to so, so many areas of life. Paul can be full of these little nuggets of wisdom. I think we both picked up another one on Monday night at the Black Sabbath concert. After the first few songs Ozzy genuinely gushes to the crowd of over 14,000 at the amphitheater "Thank you for my life."

We quickly turned to each other with the same look, as if to say "that's a keeper!" It's a bon mot that will stay with us, guaranteed. He sent it to me in a text the next morning. It's been in my head all week. I really am lucky to be able to do what I do (or, if you prefer, blessed), to maintain the sort of life I have. It's not like I've come up in this world with cash just falling out of my pockets or anything, but some combination of luck and perseverance has added up to me having it relatively good. I'm thankful for this life, and for the opportunities that always seem to wind up in front of me. I'm not doing so bad for a blue-collar kid from the northside of Jacksonville. Not too bad at all. I can't be surprised if it all just ended one day. At this point I will have had a hell of a run.

I started out as "just" an actor. Over the years I've developed into a director, producer and administrator out of necessity. As a result I act much more infrequently, and so I when I do I tend to be a lot more picky about the roles I take. For the past 6 or so years, I've averaged being on stage once every year and a half or so. I've gone over 2 years in that stretch without scratching that itch.

A few things happen when you're not acting as much. The roles tend to feel more meaningful, it's easier to appreciate the gift you have. It's a lot more difficult to feel like you're just showing up for another shift. That pressure can get intense, sure, but I don't think that's a bad thing. Maybe if we all put a little more pressure on ourselves with the work we do we'd all be the better for it. As would the work.

On the other side of that though you also feel like you want to hold onto the work a little tighter. That's what's happening right now with The Lonesome West. We're down to the "this is the last ..." phase of the process. The last pickup rehearsal was last night. Tonight is the last Thursday performance, and so on.

This guy, Coleman, the character I'm playing in The Lonesome West, is shamefully fun to do. Just shameful. He's a cretin, but a lovable cretin. I know guys like him. I think I have family members like him. There are little bits of me at my worst, my dad, my uncles, and even my good friend Paul. A tic here, a gesture there, an inflection over that way. I've never enjoyed living inside of someone with so many warts in all my time as an actor.

Paul's words are timely and keep resonating with me. "Don't miss what's still in front of you." I'll do my best to stay present in the work, in this great and difficult character I'm inhabiting (not to be too superlative or anything, but I genuinely think this might be my best work on stage), in the eyes and company of a group of damn fine artists in that amazing room. And, hopefully, somewhere along the way we'll be able to share it with you. Don't miss this show if you're in the area. Not just for me, or the rest of the cast, but for you. People love the show, and have consistently been having a BLAST. Don't just take my word for it. And "Don't miss what's still in front of you."

Growing Pains

2013-04-05T17:30:00.000-04:00

**This blog post is nothing more than my personal opinion, which I am entitled to. It is not at all the official position of Jobsite or any other person, organization, or entity mentioned (or alluded to) herein.**

So, a few years ago a few of the local professional theaters in town came up with an idea to form a league and, among other things, establish an annual award ceremony in the name of one of our best who had recently died.

Some folks were suspect of the motives here. I understood them. I even had some suspicions of my own, I'll admit. Some really resented tying our friend's name to an award, something he probably would have hated. Those people had a good point. I let them know that, and was vocal about it with the larval league.

Still, as I told my own board of directors and key artists, it didn't feel right stepping away. If there was anything nefarious afoot, it seemed that to do so would be to let whatever bad-spectres might exist win. I believed firmly though that for this league to have any credibility or staying power whatsoever that it would need to leave the hands of a few artistic leaders. This needed to be its own independent organization comprised of people who really care about the art and the area. My people agreed, and so we stayed in.

So, time passes, we have two awards ceremonies and a few other events like "unified" auditions (which we didn't even participate in due to timing). People are still mad. I still agree with a lot of the things that these people are mad about. I still would rather try to change things from within. Finally, this independent body begins to take shape. Five people assume leadership positions within the new organization, and not one of them runs a local professional company. That excited me thoroughly. The new head of this body has worked on one of the more higher profile pro theater leagues in the country, so knows a thing or two. A few others are some of the most supportive, team-playingest folks I know.

Now, all this while there have been some VERY vocal naysayers about this whole thing. Still. I've heard, I believe, most of the complaints and have agreed with many of them, assuring folks that there are folks like me who are listening and who are working to change things from the inside. Now there's a whole new leadership body and a new name for the organization. The new leadership listened and has decided to rebrand the award ceremony out of respect for those close to our friend who were offended or thought it not at all in his spirit. Control of where the organization is headed was taken away from the artistic leadership of a few companies that frankly do not adequately reflect the vibrant culture we have here, and who (myself included) would never be fully trusted as an independent body.

So the new leaders invite the old team of artistic leaders in to transition and lay out their plan. I'm listening. I'm watching. I'm paying attention. They're really trying to do right by everyone, but we all know that's really an impossible task. My point is, they're trying. They care. They are actually doing something instead of either a) sitting around talking about things without any meaningful motion or b) just shitting on other people's efforts without being willing to get their hands dirty.

Please stop here. If you are reading this, do not assume that I am accusing you personally of either of the above. This area is really friggin' awesome though at producing people who are good at both. Sometimes simultaneously.

Now, today I have watched a lot of people I know, respect, and care about go at it over a $25 membership fee to the league. I do not mean to diminish anyone's financial position, but, really? I sat in two meetings where this price point was discussed up and down, benefits of that fee clarified, and a pro forma offered up to anyone who wanted to look at it that broke down how many people they'd need to get to buy in at that rate to make the website, auditions, award ceremony plus things like membership cards and all those other little details that cost money work out.

I was impressed.

I saw a BUDGET. A budget, you guys, on paper. SPREADSHEETS FTW. Something I don't believe I saw in advance once over the previous two years.

Now, let me go back t the $25. It's a membership fee, right? Think of it as dues. It's an alliance, a league, these things often have a membership fee. I pay for a membership fee to TCG. I get a monthly magazine and website access out of it.

I think for the reduced ticket prices at area theaters, access to the artist database, entry into the unified auditions and to the annual award/celebration event is a fair deal. Heck, maybe even just for the discounted tickets alone if you see a lot of theater. But, some say that this is some kind of evil strong-arming. People are being forced to do it. They don't want those other benefits. They just want to audition and this is all just lies and trickery. Let me be frank: there are several who believe that the $25 fee is not enough for what people get. I think it's about right, and should be accessible to most artists here in town.

Someone doesn't want to go to the awards? Fine. Don't go. You don't want to pay for an audition? Fine. don't. What about the discount on tickets? Artists are always asking us if we have an artist night, or an artist code. Up to this time, we haven't. We decided though we'd participate and offer people half-off tickets as a membership perk. Other theaters did the same.

Back to paying to audition, look, I don't believe in it either. I get if you have to rent a space or a piano player or make copies or whatever, but I really don't believe in charging someone for an interview, basically. We've never done it, though a lot of theaters really do charge an admin fee for cattle calls, even if it's like $5. It's a weed-out more than anything. Maybe if we charged $5, we wouldn't have 30-40% no-shows to our generals. I dunno. I still won't do it though.

And, I doubt that Jobsite participates in the "unifieds" this year. We have our own way, our own system and our own timelines. We've already cast our season by June, and it's sorta disingenuous (not to mention a waste of our time) to show up and act like we're still looking for people. We have a hard enough time fighting the perception that we only cast from within.

You can't charge an AEA actor a fee to audition, but AEA actors also pay dues, etc, which you may as well look at as a fee. You gotta pay to play either way. You "pay" in many other ways to be an Equity actor in Florida, but I won't start ranting about that again ... yet.

So, I'm looking at all of this stuff playing out -- on Facebook, across barstools, on loading docks -- and it still just feels like there are many who think Emperor Palpatine is hiding somewhere pulling the strings on this whole thing. I sense they really believe something BAD is happening, and that there are ill-intentions afoot. When the leadership of the new-and-improved alliance is asking for help and for feedback, I really believe they want it. I've met with them, face to face, and I really think that they deserve a chance.

When it was just us artistic leaders (and too small a sample of us even at that) steering this thing, I understood the misgivings. It's why I stressed from the beginning it had to be a neutral, independent group (who are doing this all for free, btw). I'm saddened now though that after all of this that it appears that there are those who still won't try to be a part of the solution -- or at the very least stop hucking rocks at those really giving it a good effort. I guess I get the suspicion more than I seem to get the bile. What have these 5 done to deserve it?

We deserve better than people sitting around talking and not doing. We deserve better than having the efforts of those really trying scrutinized and shit on when I don't think they've even really been given a chance. I worry even more that some of these folks might just give up on trying because the tremendous effort just ends up feeling not worth it.

I'm staying vague on a lot of points for a reason. I don't want this to turn into a point by point rebuttal of some of the things I've seen on Facebook today, because the truth is this issue is a lot bigger than this. This whole thing has been brewing up inside me since the original larval league was announced to the press (which was too soon by some people's estimation). Again, I repeat, this is not about a couple of posts today. It's a pretty big issue and impacts a whole lot of people I respect and love, or whom I at least want to see succeed as best as possible because in many ways as an arts community our fates are linked more intimately than many of us really will ever give proper credit to.

You can still hate the league, or the very idea of any kind of league. Cool. I still like you and I hope you still like me. I still encourage anyone who is curious to go to a meeting, and anyone who has ideas and feedback to offer it up. Things like this are going to be ugly, and contentious, and people aren't going to agree. It still seems worth the doing. I've been here a while and frankly the inaction, shit-talking, or shitty inaction has been wearing me the fuck out.

We v. the World

2013-03-12T12:59:00.000-04:00

So, I'm kind of an addict.

If I could, I would do it all the time.

I'd most likely give up all the other things I do just to keep doing it.

Whenever I do it, time simultaneously stands still and moves so quickly I can't catch my breath. Traveling.

Was it the summer trips with the granparents, all those years ago? Maybe. Perhaps romantic attachments were made from so many trinkets bestowed to me from family as I grew up. Wanting so badly to go to D.C. when I won that contest, thinking I'd see first-hand all those monuments I'd pored over in books. The crazy cabby (whose name sounded like "Boh-yea") telling me through intense laughter the story about another fare demanding he "keep bot' hands on da hwheel." Although, there's almost always a a cabby story.

My love affair with travel is Jannus-like, looking both ways. Ruins and pubs. My dear wife humors me as I plot a route that lets me take pictures of everything predating electricity, then we go hang out with the locals for the evening. The more removed away from the "center" of things the more interesting it gets. What was a millenia ago v. 100 years ago v. 20 years ago v. today v. where it looks like it is going. That story is always so much more complex and interesting than what you generally learn in school. And the people are generally far more interesting and complex than typical Murrkan sentiment would leave you to believe. That lesson first really sank in when I visited Moscow in 1995. I imagine I'd say the same thing if I were to go to Afghanistan or Iran or North Korea today.

Summer said to me that once I finish this PhD and get a job that maybe we can take two vacations a year. Wouldn't that be nice? Or just one big one every year. Two months, fucking off somewhere that's not home. Seeing the world. Eating. Meeting. Laughing. Marveling.

Vacations are also about the only time we ever really get time together, as absurd as that might sound. We used to spend most every minute of the day within 100 feet of each other, and even though Summer is now back at an office and I am between home and school it's still not like we're not ever around one another. There's still a difference though. Away I'm not splitting my focus. There's almost no such thing as being alone unless we're on vacation. "Us" time is generally hard to come by. If we're at home, we're never alone with the critters. If we're out it's usually never long before we've run into someone else. Home or out there are a ton of other people always demanding of both our time electronically. Vacations to distant places generally fixes almost all of that.

Thinking about this trip to Budapest in a few days, and part of me almost doesn't care that I've done a shit job at learning the language, it'll just force us to talk to each other more.

Oh, and this isn't a hard thing to work out, ladies and gents, for those of you who think foreign travel is out of your reach. We're not exactly made of money, and we're not at all fancy travelers. We used a friend who was a travel agent for our first two trips abroad, and as long as you are flexible they can generally work within any kind of budget. Our last two trips have been booked through EuropeanDestinations.com, and the deals we've gotten have been insane. In both instances, travel agents and the university travel office haven't even been able to price our flights for the total package cost of the trip through that website.

Sign up for those travel deal emails. Travelzoo, Kayak, etc. And again, be flexible. We booked the trip to Budapest a few months back on what was practically an impulse buy. The deal dictated the destination. I know sometimes folks think it funny when they ask "Why Budapest?" and I say that the deal was too good to pass up, but I'll go back to the fact that I love to travel and wanna see the world. Makes it pretty easy.

Anyway, I'm really looking forward to GTFOOD soon. And to see new things. And to have my wife to myself for a week. I'm sure we'll post more than enough pictures ...

End of the year post 2012

2012-12-28T13:39:00.003-05:00

I seem to be good for something like this every year around this time, the annual end-of-the-year wrap-up blog, also sometimes which comes in the form of a semi-annual "oh I should post more often" post.

It always seems to come when I have a few days off around this time of the year, and so here I am again. Coffee, thought, typin'. I feel like this year there are too many random threads, chads of thoughts running in and out of my mind. This may be hard to follow.

School: Well, this is the easiest place to start. I successfully defended my PhD qualifying exams in August, and spent this past semester trying to get an acceptable prospectus together for my dissertation. This has so far been the most difficult thing I've done academically, but I also feel I'm the better for it and that my dissertation will be the better for it.

I think I have a title: Was it Something They Said? I was originally hoping to graduate in May, after 3 years in the program, which is now looking more realistically something like August. It usually does take folks 4 years, even though it's said it can be done in 3, which was my hope. I'm funded through the spring of 2014, but I'd prefer to get ahead.

I presented on a few panels at NCA in November, and it looks like I might do both Patti Pace and SSCA in the spring.

I have 3 papers that still need cleaning up to be sent off for publication. I need to do a better job of working on those when I need a break from my diss. One journal rejection and one still in consideration for the year. The latter seems promising so I am keeping my fingers crossed. Trying to build that academic side of the CV to better match my professional/practical side.

I love teaching more and more it seems with each semester. I worked in both the Theater and Communication departments this term, and have a lot of ideas as to how we could do some Very Awesome Things if I could make that a more full-time proposition. I'd prefer a spot at USF, but UT would also work. I want to stay in the area.

Shows: Two of the hardest sound designs I've ever done in my life (The 39 Steps, Fahrenheit 451), two and a half very satisfying experiences as a director (RACE, Gorey Stories, and we're only halfway through Hay Fever), and one very satisfying return to the stage as an actor (Closetland). That last one got me Creative Loafing's Reader's Pick for Best Actor, which was extremely flattering. Performed in a very cool Celebration of Resistance at the RNC that got covered by national media, which was fun. After HF in January I'll also direct Much Ado About Nothing, then after that I'll take it as it comes. Play selection for 13-14 is right around the corner, and I should know what the next year has in store for me by March at the latest. I'm going to try to back off a little to allow me more time to finish my diss.

Life: Any chance of a vacation in 2012 was dashed over the summer when the storms wrecked our roof and living room ceiling. My mom came to the rescue saving me a load of interest payments, but paying her back by the end of the year (my terms, it's bad enough borrowing money from your mom, even worse hacing it hanging over your head) meant no travel. Seems though that fate smiled on us, not terribly long after I paid off the balance I owed mom I got a steal of a deal sent to me in an email for a trip to Budapest. We're going over Spring Break for a week. :)

No additions to the house critter-wise this year, and one very sad departure in Summer's Miss Spot. We both miss her pretty face. It may be a rough few years ahead of us with so many senior pets (Elzbeth and Pluto are both over 14 now), but right now everyone seems to be doing just dandy.

Summer went back to her job at the Straz Center, not in defeat by any stretch of the imagination but with some perspective and with personal gain/benefit. She enjoys being more directly involved in the industry where she is, but I know is anxious to get her co-worked back from maternity leave so she can come home before 11pm. :) Otherwise, Summer and I are still in full Cahoots.

My mom is still doing great, apart from recently wrecking her wrist in a freak Xmas tree decorating incident. :) I enjoyed seeing her, Donnie, and the rest of the fam over the holiday.

Personal: I managed to keep off the 60 lbs I lost for most of the year, but the holidays have seen about 10 creep back up on me. I gotta shake that shit off after the new year starts, I bought too many new clothes for anything to feel snug, not to mention I got rid of everything old. :)

I'm messing around with an e-cigarette in my countdown to 40, an age I made a deal on that I'd quit by. I think I can do it.

I go through periods where I feel overwhelmingly spiritual. I don't think I ever really discuss these periods, a decision I think I make not only out of politeness and not feeling like arguing with anyone, but because the feelings are not often articulated into language. This isn't about some definitive idea of a God or an afterlife or your general traps of organized religion but about that which rests inside and in between people and our world. Whatever, it's there. I've been reading up a lot on Pure Land Buddhism lately. I still think perhaps the best way to describe my orientation is Campbellian (as in Joseph, not to be confused with Campbellism). It may be just accepting my own mortality more and more, but this seems to matter to me more with each year. It's not about finding answers for me, it's about considering interesting questions.

I've decided at the end of this year that I want to be a better friend. I've had quite a few chats over the past few months that make me realize I'm too old for this shit, and I've had some good friends for far too long to not do a better job of maintaining them. That requires work. I may not have time to do everything that I want to do, but just like with anything else in my life that I squeeze in I have to make the time. A call or email or text here or there, a plan every so often -- it matters. I think one of the greatest dangers of old friendships is that you really do start to take them for granted, and not even out of malice. If you didn't have to work at them for a real long time it leads to feeling like you shouldn't have to work at them even when it's not easy. That's not the case. Even if the time can't be there for whatever reason during this spell or that, there's at least gotta be some communication. Some effort.

And that's the general state of the union, folks ... hoping 2013 brings you all nothing but the best.

Til next time ...

New Year's Day Brunch

2012-12-28T11:49:00.001-05:00

My group of friends has a tradition of hanging out on New Year's Day while stuffing our faces (one last throe of glory before trying to squeeze back into normal clothes!) and nursing whatever damage we did to ourselves the night before. It's a good day.

Up to this point, my contribution has always been making a giant batch of collards, a specialty of mine. Last year, someone had the great idea to make a Bloody Mary bar. Problem was, everybody decided that was a great idea and there simply wasn't enough to go around. This year though, it appears to be on and folks are chipping in to add to the spread. Here's mine, a recipe I've played with the past few years which has been shamelessly yet lovingly ripped off from many other friends who make Bloody Mary's. We originally called this a Bloody Betty due to the use of gin over vodka, but it appears that this style has many different names (Red Snapper, Ruddy Mary, etc). We just call it delicious.

The vegetarian model, sans sausage or meat sticks. Fancy umbrella has been described by others as just gilding the lily

Make this gin infusion as far in advance as you'd like, but I recommend a minimum of 72 hours. Unscientifically, here's what to do.

1) Get a big wide-mouth jar, like for pickles.

2) Take cucumbers, remove about 1/3 of the skin with a peeler, cut them in half, remove the seeds and then slice into thin half-moons.

3) Fill your jar about 1/3 to 1/2 with those slices. The more cukes, the stronger your infusion.

4) Fill the jar with gin (I prefer Bombay Sapphire).

5) Let it all get happy in the fridge.

Make this mix the day before for best flavor. I also recommend a giant jar. This is per 64oz of Clamato/Beefamato (I prefer the former), you will add (mas y menos - for instance I like a lot more heat to mine, but it's easier to adjust that in the single glass than it is to make it too spicy for others):

3 Tbsp dijon mustard
3 Tbsp Worcestershire sauce
3 Tbsp prepared horseradish
2 Tbsp Sriracha hot sauce
5 oz fresh lime juice
2 Tbsp olive brine

2 Tbsp minced garlic
1 tsp celery seed
2 Tbsp fresh ground black pepper

2 tsp Old Bay seasoning
1 tsp kosher or sea salt

For garnish in the glass:

Pickle spears

Pickled okra

Pickled green beans

Green olives

Capers - don't like them loose in the glass? Stuff them in olives

Beef jerky sticks (homemade, Slim Jim, etc) - thread it through olives for extra fanciness

Celery sticks
Hot sauces

Garnish the rim of the glass with wedges of summer sausage and lime. You may also start by putting an Old Bay rim on the glass for additional fanciness/flavor.

To serve: add roughly 2 oz of the gin to 4 oz of the mix in a large glass over ice. Garnish that thing til it looks obscene, Enjoy, rinse, repeat.

So, what are you going to do ... ?

2012-06-12T11:12:00.000-04:00

I have theater friends and communication friends. Then I have friends and family that are just that. Not hooked up with art or academia. A consistent question I get asked, pretty much no matter who I talk to is "So, what are you going to do once you finish your PhD?"

It's a good question, and I think maybe I've only really begun to sort out what that is. In that process, I've also just figured out how incredibly fucking lucky I am. A lot of folks will say that doctoral work is just a paper chase, you're in there for the letters so you can get a better job, be paid better, be taken more seriously or all of the above. That's not inaccurate.

For me, I took 12 years off between my MFA and beginning my PhD. I also switched disciplines.

Well, sort of.

And I think this is where many get confused, which after I explain often generates the above question. That's fair. In a nutshell, my PhD is coming from a Communication Dept. Yet, I work professionally in theater, have an MFA in theater and keep talking about that I look at "Performance Studies." That sorta confuses the shit out of some. A lot of folks think I'm getting a PhD in Theater. Even some of you I've corrected more than once. :)

Specifically within Communication, I am interested in performance studies, resistance and social change. This is what I'm essentially zeroing in on for my dissertation. Specifically I'll be looking at the figure of the subversive stand-up comic in relation to those 3 things. See? I'm not even looking at theater for my dissertation, but I am looking at performance.

This might not be that far off from my initial impulse when I was working on my MFA and applying to PhD schools in Theater for Performance Theory. I was interested in comedy then, too, but more in looking at the evolution from the Greeks to the commedia to the San Francisco Mime Troupe and the like today. I'm still looking at comedy, I'm just simplifying it to a single speaker in front of a live audience.

The performance studies text I teach to undergrads sums up what we do in performance studies from the discipline of communication as three-fold. I think this is as tidy as it gets, even it doesn't get it all: communication looks at performance as a method of inquiry, an object of study, and a way to talk about all human communication. Note there's nothing in there about professional training yaddyadda. I did that. My MFA was to train me to be a professional actor and teacher of acting. Now I'm learning to be a scholar, and more closely link society as a whole, individuals, unique communities, to my work. In studying performance I'm not just looking at the event as aesthetic but as rhetorical, symbolic. I am looking at how these events transgress or reify societal norms, dominant power. I am learning to be not only a more critical receiver of messages, but also a maker of messages.

I've also discovered in the past few years that meaning is not something that's fixed. A play, a movie, a song, a simple statement, our relationships, our national identity -- anything interpreted to be "meaning" out of any these things is co-constructed, and that means things are a lot less certain that Enlightenment-based ways of knowing would like to have us believe. This is also part of the critical process -- remaining open to ideas, to surprise, to possibilities, to be able to negotiate tensions and not just essentialize things to hierarchal binary to make it easier for us. This is how we end up with inequity, injustice, and most of the horrible shit whatever dominant group has inflicted on those with less power since we've been upright.

As a theater company, Jobsite has from the beginning wanted to encourage people to be citizens, not just consumers. Well, if we want to have a conversation, we have to meet them half-way and we have to listen. We have to encourage and we have to challenge. In studying that thing we have that allows us to get information, ideas or feelings out of our heads and into someone else's, in studying Communication, I not only become a better person but a better artist and producer.

Wow. Sorry for some of the rambling, and I know I still haven't answered the magic question from the first paragraph. I see it like this:

I plan to keep doing this. All of it. I don't think I'm ready to quit making art and just go put on a tweed jacket with fancy elbow pads and grow a cool beard. I'm also not going to complete this great paper chase and walk away the academy because I got what I was after in earning the title Dr. Jenkins. Studying performance (all of our various performances -- how we perform self, identity, group membership, culture, resistance, and even texts) is making me a better person and artist. The work I do in the theater is feeding back and informing my academic work. This feedback loop is widening my eyes to be more critical at every other message I'm being bombarded with -- from the talk of politicians to the visual rhetoric of a magazine ad. Feedback loops within feedback looks. Systems. An ecology.

I can continue my stage work. I can write on that academically for either theater or communication. I can continue my communication research and scholarship building off of my practical performance background. I can continue to teach future generations of citizens, practitioners, critics, and appreciators -- despite the form that the message takes.

That's pretty fucking cool. And that's what I plan on doing when I finish.

The writer in me thinks I should go back and edit this, make it prettier and clearer. The blogger in me is just going to hit publish though, I can always come back and clean up this brain dump later ... :)

Random Monday Blather

2012-05-14T11:51:00.001-04:00

Things that I've seen lately that I think are related:

Increasing disassociation (avoiding the more blunt "rudeness") of individuals from whomever they are around publicly in favor of communicating with a portable device (this covers people sitting at the same table texting to the person talking loudly on their phone with no regard for their surroundings). I can be just as guilty of the former as the next guy. I'm a compulsive iPhone checker. As my friend Shawn says though, I "don't have the phone app" (I don't like talking on the phone), so you're not usually going to catch me talking to anyone ever. "No one exists but me."
Entitlement issues not related to electronics. On Wednesday and Sunday this week I sat in a live theater where people around me felt it was completely ok to sit there and talk to each other during a performance, even when shot scornful looks or outright shooshed. I've also had countless experiences standing in front of an audience full of people before a show pleading my head off to get everyone to silence their devices, only to have little digital orchestras firing up just minutes into a performance. On Saturday I went to a concert where the woman behind me completely refused to sit down and STFU (this was an acoustic evening with Chris Cornell in an intimate, beautiful old theater) in the second row no less, and even after security dealt with her twice she alternately yelled "HEAVEN," "PLAY HEAVEN" or "I LOVE YOU CHRIS" every 12.5 seconds. There was also much shooshing and shitty glances. No effect. "The rules do not apply to me."
Speaking of entitlement, I am seeing it on both sides of this argument about Cappy's, a pizza place I don't even go to (for a whole stack of unrelated reasons). I really do get both sides of this whole kids in public argument. But even as much as I may not be a fan of kids fucking it up for me when I'm trying to enjoy being out, some of these people are being unreasonable. Still, there are enough parents out there who just believe their kids should be able to run wild to stop me from defending parents. Just a few weeks ago on a Friday night I actually had a parent give me a shitty look and eventually move to a different area of the patio at a bar I frequent because I was smoking and most likely dropped an F-bomb. I actually think it was the smoke that moved them, which I get, but they came over and sat near me. My broader point is I was at a bar. At close to 10pm. Don't like smoke and swearing? Don't take your kid to a bar and hang out outside -- the only place you can smoke. "My point is so right that I will not only carry it to the extreme, but completely demonize your point"
The inability for many of us to be able to actually hold down a civil discussion without it turning ugly (politics, religion, child-rearing ...). See the conversation above online about the kids. This isn't new. This is essentially Carlin's point about how everyone drives faster than you is a maniac, and everyone who drives slower than you is an asshole. Still, how can we not learn from this shit?

This sorta goes beyond Deborah Tannen's The Argument Culture. It's not just technology. Or bad parenting/upbringing. Or because we're rotting somehow as a species. It is none of these things. It is all of these things. Because we can connect with anyone at any time across any distance; because we can watch whatever we want whenever we want it; because we're on-demand, wired, instant, global.

We don't have to be neighborly, though it would of course serve us all better to be better neighbors; if I can be on the phone with my wife in New York, I don't have to be in the checkout line at Sweetbay; I can bond or bate on a messageboard and feel good about myself in relative comfort, so why do I need to try to be a community member and actually work with people in ways that can move us all forward?

And we take it all for granted, all for granted. Or make excuses. Kids will be kids. You don't understand what it's like for me. Those are all old-fashioned rules. The world has changed and so has the way we interact. It's weak to change your mind, a character flaw to see someone else's point. You win or you lose.

Winners and losers. Reality TV. Sports. Game shows. Elections. Ratings. Sales. Market share. Awards. Hell, Game of Thrones.

Have we always been so black and white? Has it always just been winning and losing? Does fantasy like Game of Thrones or historical fiction like Rome just paint a revisionist history/alternate reality that justifies the new world we've constructed, or is it just reminding us it's always been this way?

Ned Stark seemed so noble, more about virtue than vengeance and, well, we see where that got him.

Is this some existential crisis? Some crisis I am finding in our estrangement from some Eternal Thou? Some Verfremdung?

Is it even new?

I'm pretty sure we've been bemoaning our collapse as soon as we got upright. It does feel different though. I feel like I see a difference. But am I? Or do I just see it all differently?

Maybe it's not either/or, maybe it's both/and, what I feel like everything is coming down to.

And that's my Monday morning muddle ... just thinking out loud.

Privilege, difference, and why it all still matters

2012-05-04T12:53:00.001-04:00

So, last night I stepped outside the front doors of the theater on break during RACE. I'm standing there, minding my own business but it's a busy concourse. There are after all 4 other performance spaces in the building. An elderly white woman is standing there examining the 3-sheet (the very large poster next to the front doors). Her even more elderly husband approaches and creaks out "What the hell is is this?"

As his feet come to a stop, he looks up and then offers up "Oh, it must be for black people" before tugging at her sleeve to continue down to their destination.

I laughed, but at the same time I was disturbed.

This really gets at the core of privilege to me. Particularly of its invisibility. I talked about this last night at rehearsal, but it seems worth repeating. So this doesn't turn into some kinda thesis, I'm going to try to limit this to bullet points. Leave a comment. We can continue a conversation there.

Anything with even a fairly diverse cast automatically becomes about diversity. This is just generally troublesome. For instance if I chose to do a postmodern approach to Shakespeare and throw race and gender out the window and just cast it the way I want, it becomes a statement. One that will be interpreted widely different from person to person. I will be accused by some of sullying the Bard, by others for ignoring "realities" of race and gender in our modern times, and still accused by others of being too PC/EOE. Of course there will still be others who might think I just gave the parts to the best actors who had the best chemistry. This isn't even really my point.
Certain shows automatically get labeled as "for" some certain segment of the theater-going audience, and when you point it out, the straight while (and often masculine) privilege is SCREAMING at you. That way of being is just so entrenched that it's invisible, and that's the worst part of the whole thing. Because it's invisible and has been in place for so long, there are those (like straight white men) who will tell you it doesn't exist. Nothing to see here. Move on (Let's be honest, who has *never* heard from the dominant group that someone in the margins just needs to "get over it.").
So how does this manifest? Not many accuse David Mamet of being a a "white" playwright who writes "white" plays for "white" audiences. I have never had a friend of color, or a woman, or a gay friend ever say to me "Oh, that's a white/straight/guy play." Yet white people give themselves a pass or disqualify a piece's relevance by saying that something is *for* blacks/women/homosexuals. As if they'd be completely lost the whole time or that somehow the work is automatically somehow less interesting. Isn't a good story a good story? Isn't solid craft solid craft?
I do not have a formal case study or anything, this is largely anecdotal. But, I've been doing this long enough to have a lot of damn anecdotes. I can see it on faces, hear it in voices, see it in empty seats in the theater: "this play is for them." Yet the reverse never proves itself true. Despite the male bias in the theater since jump (playwrights, parts for women, directors ...), women still buy more tickets to the theater than men. And for anyone who wants to start pointing out the Menopause the Musicals and Crimes of the Hearts of the world, there are still a bajillion Glengarry Glen Rosses and Hurlyburlys for each one of them. I have never talked to a black friend and seen that look in their eyes or heard that tone (or the very words) that has said "Oh, it's for white people?" I have never talked to a person about seeing a show and lost their interest when I bring up that a man and woman kiss at some point in the show.
Quick sub-rant: and while we're talking inequality, why is pretty much just fine to show a naked girl on stage (front or back or both) but the second a guy's junk is visible you'd think we were sodomizing livestock in the theater?
The answer to all of this is privilege, privilege, privilege. We (I say we as a white straight dude) take it all for granted. We're used to seeing people who look like us, who live like us on TV. And for every representation I get miffed about in terms of class (the white class stereotypes, or the stereotypes of bikers as criminals in SoA) I can flip to 499 other channels and find good wholesome nice white straight people. That's obviously not always the case. People outside of white heteronormativity don't get to just shut everything else out around them. Some might (for which they will be labeled militant or radical for), but it's a real labor. When we make those comments and decisions ("Oh, it's a black/gay/girl story, it's not for me") we're just enjoying being us. Enjoying our privilege. Continuing the cycle. Supporting the invisible structure.

Do not misunderstand me. I'm not talking personal taste ("I just hate musicals"), I'm not talking about lived experience ("You know, ____ happened to me, and I just think that's going to be too close to home") , I'm not saying anyone is blatantly being -ist. I'm saying its crazy to think that a story cannot possibly interest you or be of relevance unless it's about people who look and live like you. It's awful to keep playing into binary and hierarchy by making everything so divisively straight/gay, white/other, masculine/feminine with the first of each of those pairings being the unquestionably dominant and the other necessarily subordinate and therefore rightly able to be ignored. And it's maybe even worse to try to act like difference doesn't exist or that we've somehow moved past it all, because all that does is make this all even more invisible and strong.

Ok, that's enough. Comment away. It was just on my mind ...

Superslaw

2012-04-16T08:22:00.001-04:00

So, I've been making some variation of a cole slaw for several months now. First, I was really digging on the flavor of all the Taco Bus veggies (cabbage, radish, pickled red onions, cilantro, lime juice) and so decided to make a slaw of sorts from those ingredients. It was quite good. Next, inspiration came from New World Brewery's slaw that they serve with their weigh-yer-plate BBQ buffet. It has a bit of a citrus kick to it, uses more traditional cole slaw veggies but adds white onion. I'm not precisely sure how they dress it, but it's a bit sweet, a bit more tangy. It also uses cilantro, and I pretty much will eat anything fresh that has cilantro in it. Yeah, yeah, those of you who don't like it say it tastes like soap, and we'll just agree to disagree.

So anyway, this slaw recipe I've been making has slowly been tweaking itself, and last night I just think it was something special, so here goes. One day I'll learn to measure. This is rough.

1 bag of pre-cut traditional cole slaw vegs
1/2 bag of the angel hair cut cabbage
1 bundle of green onions, chopped
4 jalapenos, sliced very thin into 1.5 in or so strips
2 large ribs of celery, sliced very thin
a big handful of cilantro leaves. chopped
rice wine vinegar (I prefer the roasted garlic variety)
ponzu sauce (I prefer the lime flavored variety)
lime juice
black toasted sesame seeds

In a very large resealable plastic container put in all of the above veggies, toss. The dressing of this salad is where I need to start measuring, it's very much still a process of Ouija preparing right now. I do know I am adding 2-3 tbsp of the lime juice first and likely about an equal amount of the ponzu (perhaps erring on the side of a little less than than the lime you added). The rest of the dressing is really the rice wine vinegar, and I've typically added it twice. First when prepared, and then usually a bit more a few hours later after it seems I didn't add enough. I would be careful not to overdress with the vinegar, or it's just going to pickle everything in about a day or two. Everything should be wet, but not soaked/swimming. Top off with toasted black sesame seeds, toss again and enjoy. Can be eaten pretty much immediately, or let sit in the fridge for a few hours, which is my preference. I think it's about perfect after 4 hours. Well-flavored but everything still has crunch.

Experiment yourself!

Seder dinner beet gazpacho

2012-04-05T17:56:00.002-04:00

This would be the recipe for a monster sized, giant dinner party portion. 1/4 this for a normal preparation. Yes, I know I could just 1/4 what I did below, but I am lazy (and this is a pretty stout pot of gazpacho as listed below). I've also edited what I changed after this was finished, as I felt like it needed a little something extra.

3lbs beets, peeled and cut into 1/4 in slices
3 granny smith apples, cored and cut into 1/4 in slices
1 large wh. onion, cut into 1/4 in strips
2 huge leeks, only the white and light green parts, cut in half lengthways then chopped
3 large sprigs of thyme
3 large sprigs of dill
12 tbsp of cider vinegar
6 tbsp ev olive oil
2.5 cups water
salt and pepper to taste

Cook leek, beet, onion, apple in a pot with the oil for about 15 minutes over medium heat.

Add the vinegar, water, herbs, S&P, bring to a boil.

Reduce to simmer for 40 minutes.

Puree this mixture in a blender and chill.

Then chop in blender 2 large cucumbers, 1 large red onion, 2 large red bell peppers, roughy 4 more tbsp of fressh dill and a mighty handful of parsley, combine well with the chilled beet mixture. I recommend refrigerating at least 4 hours for the flavors to combine. Should be fine to sit overnight.

The first time I made this I felt like it was a bit thicker than I wanted, so I added about 24 oz of water to the pot and stirred well after it chilled. This really did make a ginormous pot, and unless you're entertaining a large group or just really like beets, I am sure you can 1/4 this recipe for a normal meal.

I also found that this needed a fair amount of salt, and fresh black pepper really complemented it well. I think I used 2-3 tbsp of salt in the initial mixture, but easily added 4 more tbsp after it had all chilled in the fridge for a while. For this size recipe, I would probably start with 6 tbsp of kosher/sea salt and then take it from there. I likely also used 4 tbsp of fresh cracked black pepper.

Serve with an offering of additional salt and pepper, cider vinegar, plain yogurt and fresh dill, parsley and thyme to personal taste.

Another vacation pic ...

2012-04-01T11:13:00.003-04:00

Feeling nostalgic about traveling. This is me and Summer Bohnenkamp outside of Sacre Coeur in Paris in the Monmartre area, where Amelie was set. :)

Awesome is awesome

2012-03-31T12:40:00.004-04:00

I love this picture. My awesome wife and partner-in-cahoots, Summer Bohnenkamp (I have to say the whole name, almost like one word, SummerBohnenkamp), in Prague last August. :)

2012

2012-01-01T08:50:00.002-05:00

I don't really do resolutions. They seem like they're a setup for failure. I like the part of the Scout Oath that goes "On my honor, I will do my best ..." it just gets wonky for me when the next words of that are "to do my duty to God and my country" since I'm not really that religious or a chest-beater.

I admit though that I do really love the "On my honor, I will do my best" part. That's all most of us can ask for or be expected of, right? Doing our best?

So, I offer a full alternate version of the Scout Oath for 2012.

On my honor, I will do my best
To do my duty to my environment and community
And to obey the Golden Rule;
To help other people at all times;
To keep myself physically viable,
mentally awake, and morally respectful of the incredible variation of our species.

Ok, that last bit is clunky. Call it a work in progress.

In brief, I want 2012 to continue the climb that started in 2011. As I said in my last post, the past two years have blown on a lot of levels. I don't have much of a beef with 2011, it was pretty good to me.

+ Keep doing well in school: Knock the bottom out of these quals in the spring, start my dissertation in earnest as of May, continue my dedication to becoming a better teacher
+ Keep refining Jobsite as an organization. This means doing the things we need to do to give us financial strength and long-term viability while not forgetting our commitment to what makes us artistically unique.
+ Get back to a 2011 commitment to try to do new things more often. Summer and I were good about it for a while, but we sorta slipped off.
+ After reaching a goal weight I fought hard for, continue to look for the ways to be more healthy. This is the stickiest wicket as it could turn real easy into "give up meat, stop drinking, quit smoking" and so on. These are the sort of resolutions made and broken year after year that make this ritual a bit meaningless. Committing myself to generally attempting to be more healthy is setting myself up for more success. Smoking is bad, we all know this. If I do not quit, I should continue to cut back. I don't eat that much meat. When I do though, I should try to make sure I know where it came from and try to have some assurance that it was handled the right way. Eat more real stuff, local stuff, less stuff from chains and packages. These may sound like little things, but they're not.
+ Generally try to live day by day to be a better person, friend, husband, son, student, teacher, artist, citizen. This is done moment to moment in tiny choices that ultimately can have huge consequences.

***

Well, shit, I took a break to go grab coffee and got distracted by this story. Now I feel like it stole the thunder of where I was going to go with this. :)

I've got ingredients to go forage for anyway, there's a giant mess o' greens in my future, and a day-party with good friends. Always a good way to start the year.

Where does time go? Tick. Tock.

2011-12-10T13:58:00.004-05:00

I guess this is going to be like one of those letters people write and send out around the holidays to let folks know what someone's been up to for the last year. That's sadly what this blog has become.

I'm to lazy to go back and look, but I'm pretty sure I've mentioned in this space before that since I've gone back to school to get my PhD I don't do much reading or writing for leisure -- it's always work, work, work. That's not to say that I don't enjoy some of the stuff I write, but I just don't have the time.

Time, time, time (see what's become of me...)

I must be at that age where time means way more to me than it should. In oh so many ways.

People at school are always commenting that I must never sleep, or that they just can't comprehend how I'm handling school and Jobsite at the same time. Truth is, I've practically got every minute of the day scheduled. That's how. I get up earlier than when I had a day job. I work through most weekends. But that's ok, it gives me this balance I need of being able to finish school and not take a leave from Jobsite.

That said, having my time micromanaged to the extent it usually is makes me enjoy things like winter, spring or summer break like a motherfucker. I told my buddy Chris (who just finished his first semester of his MA and is also involved in Jobsite) that he'd enjoy the month of December in a way he never has before. He laughed at the time, but brought those words back up to me as he left campus on Thursday and said I was right.

So, I find it funny that on my first true day off for winter break that I'm sitting here writing. I guess maybe I'm just too trained to get up and write.

I'm already thinking ahead in time-bites: in February I will help develop my questions for my qualifying exams that I will take in March, in April I should be a doctoral candidate, in May the next show I direct goes up (RACE) and I will also begin writing my dissertation, in July I get back on stage for the first time in way too long (Closetland), in August if it can be worked out I would love to go on a vacation with Summer before what is hopefully my final year at USF.

Looking back on 2011, there is a lot to feel good about. 2009 sucked balls and 2010 wasn't a whole lot better.

We lost our beautiful baby girl Mina to bone cancer, but we also brought Gigi into our home, and while no one is ever a "replacement" she's made our house brighter for being in it.

I hit a goal weight I didn't even think was possible after I hit 60 lbs shaved off in about 18 months. It's been a few months now that I haven't been dieting and I'm happy to report I'm keeping it off. I've never in my adult life had a waist size that was equal to my inseam (34). At one point I wore an XXL t-shirt, and now I'm buying M or L, depending. I have pretty much always been big. Always. It was part of my identity on so many levels. I'm still sorting out who this guy in this body is, or if this is just a transitional body and I'm going to either try to lose more weight or reshape myself somehow through exercise. I dunno yet, so I'm just waiting for that aha! moment to come.

I presented at my first conference (NCA) and am starting to send things out for publication. It's never too early to try to get that academic resume built, and I feel like I'm late to this party so am trying to make up for lost time. The piece was about my dad's last year. About our fucked up relationship, well, to be more accurate our fucked up communication habits. I've never written anything like that, much less performed something that personal. I've got mixed feelings about it. I stand by the strength of the work, but part of me still can't help feeling like that kind of work is just therapeutic wank. But, maybe I'm just not giving it enough credit -- there's something universal, galvanizing about how we deal with loss.

Summer and I went to Prague in August, which was amazing. Such a good time. We stayed in one place for a week, so we felt like we got to really know the city in a more relaxed manner than my normal Griswaldian Vini Vidi Vici way of touring a new country. I hope that we are able to continue doing these trips if not every year, every other year. I love travel. I love seeing new places. I love my world. I come back from trips like that more connected, less jaded. We can be a nasty race of germs sometimes, and I need things like that to remind me we can be pretty damn ok sometimes, too.

A few years ago, it seemed that everyone we knew was getting married and having kids. This year is a second round of that. It must be cyclical. I think about kids sometimes, not like in some yearning pining way, but in maybe a weird way. I think about getting old and then start asking myself if I really think I'll be able to fend for myself when I get up there in years. I know some people relate that (getting old) to the idea of children -- they will be those who carry on after us, or that see us through our elder years as we see them through their infancies. I saw a very old adorable couple in New Orleans at the Gumbo Shop. I really think they had to be at least mid-80s. Frail but still glimmering. They were dressed up (she in pearls and floral print, he in a jacket and bow-tie) and having dinner. I was remarking at their table manners, how properly yet effortlessly they were behaving at dinner and then I went on to make up a story about them. No idea if it's true, and I have no real reason to believe any of it is, but it comforted me as I sat there with my wife -- a good 50 years separating our tables.

The story I made up is that they're retired with no children and no real living relatives to speak of. They see the world together, and sit across from one another like that as often as they can, as in love as they day they met. He in his bow-tie and she in her pearls.

Yeah, yeah, I get it. I know who's story I want that to be. I can't help but smile ear to ear though when I think of that couple. Reminds me of Archibald Macleish:

They have only to look at each other to laugh--
no one knows why, not even they:
something back in the lives they've lived,
something they both remember but no words can say.

Don't go reading anything into that last bit as getting an itch for a baby. It's just something I think people are bound to think about. It's a natural thing. As much as I might worry about what happens when I get old, I counter that with the life I have now, and the life I want in my immediate future, which is not at all conducive to raising a child without having the dough to have an au pair or something. My works are my children, so are my students to a degree, and my critters.

If we do subconsciously take care of little people in the hopes that one day we will be taken care of, I put my faith in my very non-traditional, non-blood family.

So I'll let this blog post be my transition from the year to this month of respite before I do it all over again. I look forward to taking care of my house, relaxing, thinking, dreaming, working with my hands, trying to let my mind go quiet.

Keeping my fingers crossed about you, 2012. Do us all a solid, will ya?

What I'm Up To

2011-05-22T13:24:00.002-04:00

I am pimping this damned awesome show that's running, reasons to be pretty.

I already posted over to the Jobsite blog, so go read it over there rather than me doing a straight-up cross-post.

The show is on stage for 2 more weeks and is a great time. Hope you can make it.

Performance Resistance Reflexivity

2011-05-03T12:53:00.002-04:00

Here are the videos from our group project day. The first is the instructions given to the class, the second is what one group recorded as a result of the instructions. This was a riff on several things. The short film Popcorn that Dr. Butchart brought into class, several of the readings from recent weeks, and the instructional video had elements of LOST combined with inside jokes and general shenanigans. This was a fun day, though I might have like more talk about the activity. I had several questions that day from recent readings that I asked, and didn't really get the feedback I'd hoped for. It was in that moment when I realized perhaps how I overemphasize others' interest in notions of performance or resistance. :)

Self-portraits

2011-04-21T11:44:00.002-04:00

2009-2011