Kindness and Kisses

Wordless Wednesday: Post-Valentines Glow

2012-02-15T17:40:00.000-08:00

Thank You Love

Thank you love for the...
...Yin Yang candles...
...tender hugs...
...delicious kisses...
...warm embraces...
...strength of character...
...depth of caring...
...love you shared...
xoxo
~Vicky

Happy Valentine's Day: Thoughts From A Wise Lover and A Realistic Romantic

2012-02-14T12:18:00.000-08:00

My V-Day Card from my Dad. It is for his three daughters
so he writes on the envelope, "Sisters 'B'. 'P.'" for our last name
and mom's last name a la traditional "Hispanic" cultural practice.

My Facebook Status:

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!
My first Valentine's Day card today is from my Dad. Love that man. Some people just don't have it in them to bathe others in warmth and loving tenderness on an every day basis, but give them a day where they allow themselves to push beyond their regular mode of operation, and they might leave a Valentine's Day card for you... that's why made up socially constructed consumerism driven Holidays mean a lot to me. Happy Valentine's Day to all the LOVERS, HATERS, & EVERYBODY in between! We are all children of God and if God is Love, then there's a lot of LOVE HERE! ♥

Thoughts on Valentine's Day

MY VALENTINE
I love my Dad who had a card waiting for me (to share with my sisters). My Dad isn't my Valentine, but as I think about what Valentine's Day means to me, I feel really blessed that I get to share today with a special Valentine who keeps surprising me. With his words and actions that keep speaking the language of tenderness, I am more and more caught off guard by his presence, patience, reciprocity, attention, and concern- I didn't expect all of that from him. In fact, I knew we had great chemistry, I knew we had started a nice bond, and I knew that we would laugh and have great fun together, but I didn't see this coming. At the end of the day, I am still Single and still dating, but this man radiates warmth and caring- I love how that feels. I am honored that he wants to spend time with me on Valentine's Day and I am excited to spend time with him.

So today, if you find yourself with a special Valentine or if you can recognize that you are your best Valentine, witness the blessing that you are and have. See your worth, the beauty of your special-ness, and what you mean to others.

LOVE is being PRESENT
I've been pretty emotional these past few days. I guess, with good reason. One of my besties just had her second child and a team of besties have been right there every step of the way. We have gladly sacrificed our regular routine to be there, fully present with our querida amiga. We have spent days and evenings together waiting for our little bundle of joy to bless us, but really the waiting was one of the gifts baby Rachel gave us- the waiting was really the SPENDING TIME TOGETHER and I am so grateful for that gift.

So today, if you are called to WAIT with someone, SPEND THAT TIME being PRESENT with each other. See it as an opportunity in a world that moves fast to finally slow down with each other. Spend it sharing stories, laughter, and knowing glances.... Don't be mad at the wait (the line at the movies, the restaurant line, the ticket line etc etc)! Love the WAIT for giving you the freedom to BE WITH THIS PERSON RIGHT NOW. Take a few deep breaths to relax your body and mind so that you give the gift of PRESENCE.

LOVE is being PATIENT
"Waiting" applies here too, but not in the way you think. You might have heard me declare here and other places, like in my interview with Sujeiry Gonzalez, "You need to be Dating and NOT WAITING!" Love is patient, but Love is not about staying in the WAIT. Being patient means your state of mind is calm, serene, relaxed and open. Your physical form can be ACTIVE, DOING, and MOVING (and of course you can also be STILL). In fact, love is patient with yourself and others, letting them be exactly who they are, not WAITING for them to be who you want! Because we honor who we are, the great rub of relationships is this conundrum, "how do I both honor who I am, and honor who he/she is?" Patience is the tool that allows us to take a breather before we "attack" someone we love for not being exactly who we are, what we want, how we expect life and people to act and be. That is love. It takes patience to not react to someone being who they are. Let's face it, many times, and for many of us, we don't have that kind of patience. This is even more evident with our romantic partners. We lose patience with them quickly and because we feel safe in their love and them not "quitting us", we also lash out easily. That is the beauty of commitment though, right? I can be my ugliest most worst person, but you will still stick around, right? Well, I promote healing, healthy, and happy relating (went with all H's on that one- Hooray!) and so as long people are committed to improving and working on honoring their relationships, these arguments can be places of healing, maturity, and transformation.

So today if you are presented with a person that does something you do not like, or even better, your romantic partner, spouse, significant other, does or says something that rubs you the wrong way, STOP and take a breather before your REACT! Respond, do not react. Think, PATIENCE, PATIENCE, PATIENCE (mmm nice mantra- I like). Remember, that this person (whether friend, foe, or loved one) is NOT YOU and CANNOT BE or DO exactly as YOU would BE or DO. Then, RESPOND from a place of authenticity (not what you "feel" is honesty- "Oh my God, You're an idiot! is honesty from your perspective, but not authenticity which comes from the REASON YOU ARE EVEN ANNOYED, "I would have done that differently"- is more authentic).

LOVE is not about the BLING
Unfortunately, Valentine's Day has gone the way of many commercial Holidays! So, some folks end up poo-pooing the value of the occasion as the meaning gets lots in large Mylar Balloons, the best chocolates money can buy, dozens and dozens of roses, and some kinda bling bling. My take on this is, if you have the money, give it to me baby! Haha! I love big useless balloons and there are only a few occasions to indulge in Ballon-Lust! True or not true? So, even though, as a former lover (this might be the first time I have written this phrase, "former lover"- I am so grown up now) of mine told me, "you are the most non-materialistic person I know, and I mean that in good way! And not because you don't want things, but because the things mean nothing to you unless it comes to you in the right way..." -he had just told me about his fancy car that I had no interest in, and I am notoriously known for not liking to go shopping for clothes as well as have been seen with shoes and sneakers on their last thread- yup, I'm so bling bling! ha! So, on Valentine's Day, yes, I want those special Valentine gift things if it makes sense and comes from the desire to give out of love, but more importantly, I would much rather SPEND TIME TOGETHER if that IS ALL WE HAVE MONEY FOR.

So today, recognize that the biggest gift money can buy is PRESENCE, PATIENCE, and TIME together with people or a person you care about and love. All that other stuff, is icing and cherries- I like icing and cherries, but it wouldn't be the same without the cake and ice-cream.

More Thoughts on Valentine's Day Shared by my #LLBlog Sisters, the Latina Lifestyle Bloggers:

The Four Stages of Valentines Day by Ana Lydia
Last Minute Valentines Day Gifts: Spa Deal, Books, and William Levy by Sujeiry Gonzalez
Love and Friendship, Happy Valentine's Day by Nina
Happy Valentine's Day by Helen Troncoso

Wishes of Loving, Hugging, Holding, Kissing, and and and...

Happy Valentine's Day!

~Vicky

I'm On A Love Trip: My Amazon Review of Sujeiry Gonzalez' book, "Love Trips"

2012-02-09T07:28:00.000-08:00

Love Trips in hand and ready to read! January 26, 2012

5.0 out of 5 stars STUMBLE UPON THIS BOOK NOW! Love, Sex, Relationships, Drama: Sujeiry shares a raw, vulnerable & inspiring journey., February 8, 2012

Vicky B - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)

This review is from: Love Trips: A Collection of Relationship Stumbles (Volume 1) (Paperback)

When I first got Sujeiry Gonzalez' book, "Love Trips: A Collection of Relationship Stumbles", I
thought, wow there is a lot of story here- it is a meaty book! All it took was the very first story in a collection of stories for me to fall into Sujeiry's meaty love journey.

I appreciated so much the vivid NYC references, because it really took me there! I mean, I have been to these places and reading about them again was a special treat!

During my read of the book, at times, I felt like I was Sujeiry, herself! I was that girl feeling the high highs of new love and depths of emotions that only the kind of romantic rejection can bring. I was that girl wanting so badly for love to work out THIS time. I couldn't stop reading wanting know what happened next, where would this relationship go, when would Sujeiry see him again, and would he be good to her???

The beauty of this story comes from the raw emotion and profound growing moments that Sujeiry openly offers the readers- love gone wrong isn't pretty, it isn't comfortable, or easy to go through, but nonetheless, Sujeiry leaves the window shades up so we can see it. I love that we also get to witness the tender moments, the caring, and heartfelt exchanges between Sujeiry and the men that loved her. I found myself wishing for one of these men to show her enduring tenderness, enduring heartfelt caring, and enduring passion and commitment.

But, isn't that what we all want?
Love Trips: A Collection of Relationship Stumbles (Volume 1)
___________________________________________________________

Find Sujeiry at LoveSujeiry.com where you can read her fun, insightful, and engaging content, and you can even hear her Sujeiry Radio podcasts, like the one where she interviewed me! ---> Sujeiry Interviews Vicky B.

Turn Back Tuesday: The Disappearing Ex Comes Clean

2012-02-07T23:39:00.000-08:00

Post was started in September. I found it again and that's why it's a "Turn Back Tuesday" post!
_______________________

Me with the Ex.

So, yes I am one those annoying people who remains friends with their Ex- I mean ALL MY EXES! So what?! Ha! For me, it's not a holding on or not letting go, or a "haven't gotten over him" thing (okay well at first it might be that way). NO, it's a I-don't-just-stop-loving-you-instead-I-change-how-I-love-you thing. I do it in a healthy way. I'm not running to these men, they are not my world, nor do their actions affect mine. Maybe, it's a semantics thing. Like, maybe people would feel better if I didn't say we were "friends", but then why would I stop to worry about what people would feel better with (not that that quality doesn't have a good place in friendships).

I text this Ex on his birthday.

He called me and we spoke. He talked to me about not being happy with his girlfriend with whom he just had a baby girl. I felt strongly that he was not happy with his life in general which in turn would feel like unhappiness with the closest person around. I didn't say that to him. Instead, I offered that he and his girlfriend consider therapy together and see if they could work out the kinks they were experiencing. He thought I was bullshitting him. Why would I care about what happens in his new relationship, especially considering he left me for her? Because, that's how I roll. I care for people's happiness even if I am not part of that equation. Yeah, really! I'm not perfect. I have challenging and vulnerable moments that bring up selfish thoughts sometimes, but when I am in a good place and recognize the power of unconditional love, then it's easy. And I felt he deserved happiness and good things. He is actually a good guy (who did a wrong thing in our relationship), but a guy that would jump ship at every difficult juncture (at least until he worked on being happy from the inside). He always expressed how sorry he was, but never shared why it was that he jumped ship.

The best thing about the talk we had was his coming clean, finally!

He asked me if I really wanted to know why he left me. Holding the phone in my hand, I sat down and took a deep breath and said, "of course."

He gently told me what made him panic and run. I took all his words in and thought, "yeah, that makes sense."

Either way I was at peace with it all so it was good that he shared.

And I'm open to this friendship which means we won't really be talking, but we're not enemies. And if we're not enemies, then, we're friends! ;)

I'm mostly happy he is a better man- A man that can own up to his mistakes. And I hope he is also a man that can stay even when there's no panic button to press.

So here's to a mystery solved, but when it comes to men disappearing or creating confusion in the relationship, know that most of the answers we seek around that are usually never answered and our best bet is to make peace with that, do the inside spiritual work, and welcome better non-confusing non-disappearing men into our lives!

Choose kindness!

Vicky

Wordless Wednesday: A Sunny Warm Winter Day in NYC

2012-02-01T13:32:00.000-08:00

Wordless Wednesday: I Have A Crush (On Your Blog)

2012-01-25T09:00:00.000-08:00

AskaThug.com is my guilty pleasure blog.
I'm not saying I agree with his advise 100%
of the time, but while he can sound
offensive and uses strong language,
most of the time his message
is full of insight, wisdom, and brilliance.
Picture Credit: AskaThug.com
"Down Bottom" (Swizz Beats/Ruff Ryders)
(Instrumental)

Powered by mp3skull.com

Happy Birthday To Me: Being a Twin is Awesome, Aging Eggs, Fresh Pain, and Renewed Spirit

2012-01-19T11:36:00.000-08:00

Is Your Twin As Awesome As Mine?

Vanessa on the left & Vicky on the right.

Happy Birthday to myself and to my fraternal twin sister, Vanessa! Just like any relationship, we have had our ups and downs. We've even been mistaken for being a lesbian couple because of our bickering like two old married people! Haha True story. Anyway, I love this lady, Vanessa, and I love that I've had the honor of sharing a special sisterhood. We've been committed to having a sisterhood where we would be more loving that not loving and I think we've been successful. The awesome thing is we get to keep at it and get even better at how to be most kind and loving with each other. In honor of our birthday, I posted this as my status:

So when you're a twin, it's a really special relationship- imagine having a friend from birth, someone you played with since your earliest memory, someone you had to negotiate with before you even had the words to do so, someone that would be your partner through most of all childhood milestones and someone you would learn how to relate with without throwing punches, kicks and pokes (because you know we're old now, shouldn't that end?!). Vanessa and I are very different people, but we have similar values and I count her as one of my bestest friends whom I cherish and love very much. I so love the journey that started when we met in the womb. In my sister's words, and they are appropriate for her too, "you are probably the best twin sister I have, though I can not compare you to any others so..." xoxo Happy Birthday to US.

I'm Young At Heart, But My Ovaries and Eggs Are Aging

Ahh and now to focus just on me! A few years ago, I remember having a conversation with my mom, that we have had a number of times in the past and I'm sure we will keep having until it it doesn't apply anymore, but this particular time I remember distinctly telling her with confidence, "I won't even have to worry about that until I'm 34."

Well folks, 34 is here! It's kind of a mix of pleasure and pain as I revel in celebrating another year of life and I face my younger Me's confidence that I wouldn't be this woman who was 34 year old, single, and without children (in addition, still without my PhD).

My mother and I were talking about babies, of course! She was playfully (or half-teasing) saying that I would have to resort to adopting [read "old eggs"] at the rate I was going with not having partnered up in a serious relationship and in what seemed to her would be a permanent condition.

Fresh Pain Does a Body Good

I was 31 at the time and honest to goodness was 100% confident that there was plenty of time to meet someone special, have a great relationship, start our lifelong committed partnership by getting married, enjoy a year of travelling, and then settle our lives down and have a few babies all by 34!

So the there's fresh pain in mourning the loss of that dream... sigh...
Yeah, it was a nice little dream and it was okay to stay attached to it for as long as I did, but now it's time to let it go.

The truth is, It served me well for what it was. I have had some really amazing romances and fully developed relationships and I don't regret any bit of it. In fact, because of those relationships, I grew into knowing more about what I want in a partner and what healthier relationships looks like. Now, I love that I'm in more control of my life and I am continuously surrounded by the best people- even men with whom I have only gone on one date. Though my heart does long for a special person to share my life with and to grow together in a life-long adventure as well as share a future where we can bring forth a precious small person to create our unique family journey, I know everything starts as an inside job. I cannot ask something of someone else if I don't have it and I am not working on (cultivating) it myself.

Pain (or discomfort or everything suddenly going wrong or falling apart) can actually be a good thing (or lead to it), because it is a sign for taking stock of how you really feel inside about something, it's an indicator for a possible new direction, or for finally changing something in your life that hasn't worked, and or taking notice of how you can take better care of yourself (mind, body, spirit). Sometimes we need the jolt of "pain" to even notice we weren't quite satisfied with the present situation.

It's My Personal New Year and I'm Riding the Renewal Train

I promise I won't talk about my eggs all the time or even mention my freak out moments when it dawns on me that many of my friends are married, planning babies, or on their second baby etc, but I definitely have these moments at the beginning of transitioning into my new older age.

It is like stepping out of the old skin (you can read how I'm beginning my 2012 shedding process here) and stepping into new skin. There's an adjustment, but overall things feel better. And that's really where I am at. I'm excited about have a guided way to make deep and long lasting changes so I am true to my personal desire, to become who I want to be, and to do things I love. It's when I am most in that authentic space, that I am allowing the best kind of man to move towards me and allows me to see him and welcome that experience.

So, it doesn't help to worry, but the reality is as long as I can use that moment or time to recognize what I really want (instead of the "worry"), then I am using it well and growing from that experience.

I am starting my NEW YEAR (with my new birthday skin and suit) with conviction (ooo I might sing this song tonight at Karaoke- "and with the power of conviction..." love it!) to know what I want, to be who I want, and to do what I want while having a resolve to keep looking in and being kind to when I change my mind, when I don't see the whole picture, when I give in or give up too soon, to understand there is no end of the world with one decision, there is only a new possibility with the next one.

So, yes, there will be a lot of love in my future as there is a lot of love now. I will love me up and down and be my best me and take risks and push past limiting thoughts and scary ideas about where I am supposed to be right now. In fact, I've done an amazing amount of good things in my life and I do good work that I am proud of and I love people very deeply- and all that has to count for something having reached 34 years old... right? YES!

So here's to me choosing to be very kind and very affectionate to myself on my birthday,
Vicky

PS
Thank you so much for all the birthday wishes and love! I am blessed!

Wordless Wednesday on Tuesday In Solidarity with the Internet Going Dark Wednesday: SOPA Is Only Bueno When It Looks Like This

2012-01-17T18:29:00.000-08:00

The Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA), like many things
started with seemingly good intentions,
but the problem is it's become
a tool that could enforce unwarranted
internet censorship and possibly, drastic penalties.
So, the only SOPA, I recommend is
this Colombian Chicken Noodle Soup
(Sopa de Pollo y Pasta)- yummy!
picture credit: My Colombian Recipes

New Latina 2012 #NLRenewal Challenge Week 1: "Shedding" Part 1

2012-01-17T16:42:00.000-08:00

Being part of the New Latina Renewal Challenge Team has been an honor and continues to be a magical creative experience.

I will be sharing part of my journey as a participant here on Kindness and Kisses in notes and thoughts as well in comments on the New Latina Facebook page in order to maximize the personal benefits of being part of this NLRenewal Challenge.

Still, the work that we have put forth in this Renewal Challenge is no piece of cake! Even with my clinical training as well as my history of seeking professional help when I have needed it in the past, I am finding that as many times as I have faced myself, it is not easy to face those things I have been holding onto for so long and attempt to say, "goodbye forever."

Me Jan 2010 in AC,
hanging on to a bear
I was trying to let go of.
Sound familiar?

Exercise#1:

I don't need you, you things that weigh on me.

I don't need you extra weight that just hangs on my body.

I don't need you ex-lovers that don't fill me up in the ways that matter.

I don't need you, overly-cluttered home.

I don't need you stupid fear of achievement that looks like:

procrastination
self-sabotage
incomplete work
missed opportunities
disorganized everything

Exercise#2:

I've been stuck. I've been stuck in not completing academic submissions. So, basically I owe work to my department. Ugh.

What's been getting in the way is ME. I have not created the time or space for it to be done and done well.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This looking in the mirror is challenging, but there's beauty there and I'm okay with shedding old skin. to be continued.

Are you doing the Renewal Challenge? Let me know!

Also, you can still join the Renewal Challenge here.

Wishes of Courage to Shed,

Vicky

I Won't Forget Haiti in 2012 and Kindness and Kisses: January 12, 2011: One Year After the Haiti Earthquake

2012-01-12T12:30:00.000-08:00

Last year I wrote a post: Kindness and Kisses: January 12, 2011: One Year After the Haiti Earthquake

Since then we have seen other natural disasters affect many parts of the world. During those difficult times of trying to understand the magnitude of devastation, of having lost so many lives, and of having to rebuild, it can be challenging to stand in faith, to still see the goodness that exists in the world, and to believe that it does get better. It can and it does.

If there were only to be one child left after a severe disaster, that is hope enough for a brand new day and reason enough to do what we can for that child. Thankfully, there are many many children with many dreams and hopes for better and brighter futures, in Haiti and in other parts of the world. So, there is hope enough and reason enough to continue doing good work and to continue paying it forward as much as we can. In the above post, there are links to organizations where you can donate if you can and other creative ways you can help pay it forward.

Haiti is still rebuilding two years later and time will tell how long this process will take, but there is hope and reason enough to keep going!

Here's a look at Haiti, two years later via Mercy Corps:

Wishes of faith, hope, and love,

Vicky

Wordless Wednesday: I'm Getting Older and So Are My Eggs

2012-01-11T18:41:00.000-08:00

Hold yourself with lots of love,
even the parts that you can't seem to get a handle on.
I've been thinking about my eggs lately,
which is kind of common for me since hitting
my 30's. What you don't? ;)
My birthday is coming up on January 19th.
I love aging, mostly, because I am more awesomer
but I'm not gonna lie, the older I get the more concerned
about my eggs and when possibly I might
have a baby in the future. (if and when or maybe)
Last night's episode of Parenthood had this interaction:
‎"I thought 40 was the new 30!" "Nope, not for your ovaries!"
picture credit "The Dudeez" found at shescoops.com

Three Kings Day and Losing Our Precious Cat Named Jack

2012-01-06T14:29:00.000-08:00

Today, I had planned to write a post in Spanish about Three Kings Day, January 6th, celebrated by many Latinos. It is also the Day of the Epiphany. My nuclear family- my dad, mom, sisters and I haven't really made that part of our family traditions, though. I was going to write about talking to my mom about this. How I asked her why we didn't make a big deal of it when her family did celebrate this special day in Colombia when she was younger. So, I was going to write about that, but now mostly my thoughts are about Jack. I'm crying now thinking about him. We started treating him for diabetes in the last few weeks. I'm wishing we knew that his heart was failing and that today it would just stop. He was only about 9 years old. I'm heartbroken.

Our Beautiful Monster, Jack

Jack and I had a special relationship. I was thinking about that and remembered I had written a Squidoo post about two years ago about him. I haven't been on Squidoo for almost two years! Anyway, we called Jack our monster because he was really big and kind of ferocious at times- not dangerous (okay mostly not dangerous). My sisters and my mom were his primary caretakers, my dad was his buddy, and I would love him from a safe distance. Also, I had allergies so needless to say I wasn't hugging and squeezing him like my younger sister and mom would.

I know Jack felt how much we loved him and I am happy to have had a tender moment with him yesterday when he wasn't feeling well at all and curled up in the bathroom . I sat on the tub and rubbed his head speaking to him and sharing how much I did love him.

Rest In Peace Jack. We love you.

With kindness, kisses, peace, and love,

~Vicky

My Squidoo Post:

How to Tame a Monster Cat

Ranked #23,844 in Pets & Animals, #807,109 overall | Donates to ASPCA

Meet Jack!

Jack is a gray monster cat. He is loving and kind, yet hostile and reactive when you don't give him what he wants!

Jack and I

It's Love/Hate

My family got Jack when he was a little itty bitty kitty. He was so sweet. I don't know what happened?! Now, we have a love hate thing, because he is either caressing my feet happily or angry hissing or stretching his claw out at me if I won't give him a piece of ham. He's part of the family, so you have to love him!

Why Jack??!

hmmmm

Interestingly enough we had a former cat in our lives who went by the name PACHO, a very Latino sounding name. He was also called MISHU, because we believed that cats have their secret name and that was his. I don't quite remember how Jack was named Jack or why it turned out to be a very American western type name, unless of course we were naming him Joaquin and calling him "Jack" for short.

Taming Jack

You Can't

Just like there is no taming a free spirit, Jack will stay wild! He grew up wild, an indoor and outdoor cat with no discipline and he has remained the cute monster you see here!!

Photos of Jack

Jack was in a terrible fight because he felt strongly, as many New Yorkers do, that he was the one "running the streets."

Jack was in a terrible fight because he felt strongly, as many New Yorkers do, that he was the one "running the streets".

Sure, just take a nap anywhere!

Favorite things to do with Jack?

Not Very Much I'm Afraid

-Watch him run from one end of hall to the other.
-Watch him prepare to pounce.
-Have him sleep at my feet.

Thoughtful Thursday: Fact Is You Do Have Time to Meditate

2012-01-05T13:24:00.000-08:00

This video showcasing One Moment Meditation clearly proves this! My favorite line is when the speaker says to practice the basic minute instead of a moment at first because "a minute is like a moment with handles on it."

Let's get a handle on life and our moments!

That's me taking a single moment! --->

So, watch videos below and make meditation part of your life- YOU DO HAVE THE TIME! ;)

Wishes of peace and clarity...

Subtitulado

WATCH HERE FOR SPANISH SUBTITLES:

Flight 2012

2012-01-04T11:48:00.000-08:00

WELCOME TO FLIGHT NUMBER 2012 ♥ WE ARE PREPARING FOR TAKE OFF INTO THE NEW YEAR ♥ PLEASE MAKE SURE THAT YOUR STANDARDS ARE IN AN UPRIGHT POSITION ♥ ALL SELF-DESTRUCTIVE DEVICES SHOULD BE TURNED OFF AT THIS TIME ♥ SHOULD WE LOSE ALTITUDE UNDER PRESSURE DURING OUR FLIGHT, REACH UP AN PULL DOWN A PRAYER -PRAYERS WILL BE AUTOMATICALLY ACTIVATED BY FAITH ♥ NOW YOUR FAITH IS FULLY ACTIVATED YOU CAN ASSIST OTHER PASSENGERS ♥ THERE WILL BE NO BAGGAGE ALLOWED ON THIS FLIGHT ♥ THE CAPTAIN HAS CLEARED US FOR TAKE OFF ♥ DESTINATION GREATNESS ♥ ENJOY YOUR FLIGHT ♥♥♥ 2012 BELONGS TO YOU,TAKE IT AWAY!! -Unknown

Thanks to the wonders of sharing, this message greeted my eyes today. It captures the spirit, drive, appreciation, passion and action-taking that I see myself embarking on and that I hope you see for yourself too.

My Lessons & Reminders from this post:

Prepare yourself for the things you want.
Know your standards and boundaries so that when you say YES!- it is a real yes! And when you say NO!- you mean it and you honor your decision.
Recognize that your biggest obstacle in most cases is YOU, YOU, and YOU! Stop standing in your own way. Stop tripping yourself up. Stop making the same mistakes without growing from it. Stop STOPPING your good work. Leave the the self-destructive and self-sabotaging in 2011 OR make sure that when it presents itself (because it likes to show up) to nip it in the bud quickly, move on, and keep moving! As a Recovering Procrastinator, I have had my fair share of relapses. ;)
Recover when things feel like they are going terribly wrong, or there is a crisis, or panic moment, by remembering to be still and call on God/Universe/Trusted Higher Being- Faith is a powerful source of comfort and support.
Pay it Forward when you feel good, have something to offer, and your light is shining. You can be somebody's miracle.
Guide your life and what you bring to it by understanding that you are in control of it. Your control comes from within not from outside and not from controlling others. See your worth. Know your strength. You are great and powerful. You are lovable and loving. Everything else is baggage you don't need it. If you are carrying excess baggage, your task is to master forgiveness (and to keep doing it until there is no weight holding you down).
Seek Clarity and focus on the many good truths that exist for your many great possibilities!
Journey through in the direction of your amazing destination, knowing that it is not about the destination but the how you manage your journey. How will you handle turbulence? How will you handle reaching higher heights? How will you handle lift offs and landings?
Enjoy the trip. I mean really enjoy every moment. Laugh hard when it's funny, hug all your friends, and be present with your surroundings. Appreciate where you are.
2012 is your present. Open it up!

Choose Kindness and Kiss often,

~Vicky

2011 Wrap Up and Five Keys To a Successful 2012: The Fuel For Your New Year's Resolutions and Intentions

2011-12-30T18:48:00.000-08:00

I started 2011
with loads of laughter, tons of love, and bundles of joy.
My resolutions for 2012
are to do good work, love a lot, and be my best Me.
I have intentions and goals too!! ;)
*candid picture was taken on New Year's 2011
Left to right: The Lil Sis, The Lil Cuz, Me, The Twin

2011 is coming to a close faster than I could have imagined! As I look back I feel incredibly blessed!

Did you know my family was on The Family Feud? Yes, the TV show! Talk about counting blessings! This year I've also been fortunate to share my voice and get my message out by being featured on LaCosmopolatina, represented a voice for social good in a Johnson & Johnson video presentation at LATISM11, managed to get my Quince Project off the ground, and most recently helped be part of New Latina's 2012 Challenge by co-hosting the amazing #NLRenewal Twitter Party! It has been truly amazing to be surrounded with so much love and support.

Of course, there have also been many challenging moments and times. I am mostly all recovered from when I felt everything was falling apart in my life, or had that melt down, or when I couldn't stop crying because of heartbreak- all tough moments.

Still, the great moments and the ones that felt painful have all become opportunities for strength, for resolve, for patience, for insight, for willpower, and action. I love my 2011, for better or worse, I gave it a go! I love to let my light shine so even in darker moments, I try to remember it is still there ready to shine brighter and brighter!

Thank you for visiting my little lifestyle blog, for sharing comments when you have, and for offering me another source of kindness, virtual hugs and kisses!

For 2011 your five favorite most visited posts have been:

I also wanted to share a post that will help in catching your dreams- finally for 2012!

Five Musts For Chasing Dreams That Do Get Caught

-Originally posted on my wisdom focused Tumblr, Lived Lessons

Notice how when you chase something (or someone), that it seems far away or moves farther away? Um, hallo, if someone is chasing me, I’m RUNNING! haha!

We like to say we are chasing our dreams, goals, and going after what we want, but we want to catch and have our dreams not endlessly go after it without getting to live them!

Five Musts For Dream Catching:

BELIEVE in yourself, your vision, and your ability to know what’s best. -eg. There is no one who can know what you want most in this life!

CREATE opportunities that move you towards your goals. -eg. Consider who you could meet that could point you in the right direction.

KEEP PERSPECTIVE about the journey and the desired outcome(s). -eg. There will be highs and lows in your journey. That’s to be expected.

BE COMMITTED to the process of your unique journey. -eg. You saw in your mind something bigger and better for yourself, wrote down a plan, went to a mentor/specialist/expert, and worked on projects, and there is still more to do! Keep going and see it through.

STAY OPEN to your inner wisdom, trusted outside advise, and willingness to learn/work/play with others. -eg. Listen to your heart not your Ego. Your Ego is not a bad guy, but often operates to protect you from a harm that doesn't really exist- yep, it is scary to take the next big step that will give you lots of exposure, and your Ego doesn’t want you to feel uncomfortable, but is that a good reason not to take that amazing step in the direction of your dreams? Heck no! Your heart knew that already!

How will you be catching your dreams?

Wishes of strength to let go of those parts of you, things, or people that hold you back from your greatest potential and wishes of proactive steps that move you steadily towards catching your dreams and living them daily,

~Vicky

New Year. New You. New Latina.: Join the New Latina 'Renewal Twitter Party'

2011-12-22T11:41:00.000-08:00

I hope all the women I know can join us on December 28th at 9pm for a time of connecting as women around our accomplishments, challenges, and surprises of 2011 as well as putting forth to the Universe, shouting out happily to God & others, what you really want for 2012!

Some of us make resolutions, others set out intentions, and still others create vision boards- let's share how we will become refreshed and renewed in 2012!

You can click here for the Tweetup Invite and to RSVP! We are looking forward to meeting you there! Remember to tell your friends and encourage them to RSVP not only for the great time they will have with many ambitious and inspiring women, but also for the chance to win one of the many prizes offered below which you must RSVP to qualify for!

Wishing you Holiday Blessings,
VickyB (@DocSabia)

Dec
28

New Latina Renewal Twitter Party!
At 9pm - 10:30pm

Where?
(((ONLINE)))
New York City, NY

RENEWAL TWITTER PARTY!

NewLatina.net invites you to a New Year's 'Renewal Twitter Party' to help you refresh your goals and renew your ambition for the year to come!

Join us for a conversation about resolutions, challenges and big dreams for the new year! If you're an entrepreneur, student or aspiring to achieve personal goals, New Latina wants to help you exceed your expectations this year!

Talk with other Latina women who are embracing their inner strength and learn more about New Latina's upcoming initiatives that can help you reach your personal and professional goals!

Stay tuned during the Twitter party for a special announcement about New Latina's upcoming initiative to Kick Start 2012 and make it a year of success!

PARTY DETAILS:

HOST: @NewLatina (tweets by @DocSabia)
CO-HOSTS: @AngelicaMentor @biculturalmom

@yolymason @Eva_Smith @WonderWomynLLC

When: Wednesday, December 28, 2011

What Time: From 9:00 PM to 10:30 PM EST

Where: Twitter.com and Tweetchat.com

Hashtag: #NLRenewal

Who to Follow: See host/co-hosts above.

PRIZES:

One (1) $100 Gift Certificate

One (1) Massage session from Massage Envy Spas

Two (2) Assorted Gift Baskets from Neutrogena

One (1) Relationship Coaching Session with Lisa Velazquez

One (1) Life or Business Coaching Session with Angélica Pérez, PhD

More Info: http://www.newlatina.net

Organizers...

Angelica Perez (Everywhere)
3,073 followings | 2,795 followers | 4,073 tweets

Smart tips & topics for today's ambitious Latina who's doing it all. A personal growth and lifestyle portal. Our motto: Live life to the fullest!

Chantilly Patiño (Color-Struck World, USA)
1,086 followings | 1,197 followers | 5,685 tweets

A fiesty politcal mom blogging about relationships, parenting, racism, feminism & Latino culture. Curator of #MixedVida tag. Founder of @mculturalfam

Vicky B., MSW (Queens & Everywhere)
737 followings | 620 followers | 9,333 tweets

#NYC mujer sharing journey contigo. Passionate #Latina Activist specializing in #Developmental#Psychology & Good #Relationships. Mentor/PhDstudent/DatingNinja

Organized by @NewLatina, @biculturalmom, @DocSabia

Wordless Wednesday: A Little Tree, A Little Joy, A Lot of Love

2011-12-21T07:55:00.001-08:00

Wordless Wednesday: A Reminder That I Can Do Anything

2011-12-14T15:30:00.000-08:00

A few years ago I decided to jump out of a plane. Check! I can do anything.

Pensando En Colombia: ¿Que Guardas En Tu Corazón?

2011-12-13T22:59:00.000-08:00

screen capture

Todos los días como parte de mi rutina trato de sentarme, cerrar los ojos, y tener unos momentos en silencio. Esto es parte de lo que me ayuda mantener una calma para manejar las cosas de la vida. La meditación.

A veces la noticia nos puede causar daño en lo frustrante y desmoralizante que es. Ya tengo días que la noticia de Colombia me molesta. Son graves las inducciones en muchas partes del país. Todo el resto del mundo no sabe (lo que siento pero quizás si saben algo pero parece que no) que muchas regiones de Colombia están bajo de agua. Me duele el alma. ¿Cómo no me va afectar?

¿Por un lado, uno tiene que preguntarse, “que les sirve que me duela el corazón a ver que estén sufriendo?”

Eso es porque les confieso que guardo en mi corazón un chin de ese dolor, pero no más de eso. La meditación me ayuda. Es mejor entender que hay seres humanos que si están sufriendo y responder con una solución. Aunque la compasión nos deja entender que hay sufrimiento, no nos sirve caer en esa misma mentalidad de sufrimiento.

Si tienes que sufrir por otro (o algo), hazlo por un poquito de tiempo o guárdelo un chin- un poquito que te sirviera para mantener motivación. Busca adentro de tu mente corazón, “que puedo hacer para ayudar?” Tal vez, lo único que queda es rezar.

Bogota Dec 2011 por SeeColombia

Esta noche lloré por Colombia y lloré por los Estados Unidos también (les explico en otro blog) pero mis lágrimas no van a cambiar la situación y además hay muchas más razones para estar alegre. Y por lo general yo soy una persona alegre, como mi país, Colombia. Colombia es un país alegra en frente de todas las dificultades que son obvios. [Para aclarar algo, yo soy nacida en los Estados Unidos, en Nueva York. Cuando yo me introduzco a las personas, yo digo que tengo padres Colombianos para indicar que yo no nací en Colombia. Esto es muy gracioso para mí porque fue mi papa que me dijo que hiciera la presentación así. Ja ja ja. ¡Viste, que con contar este cuentico me siento muy alegre!]

Lo que tengo que hacer es encontrar como voy hacer parte de algo que puede ayudar los dos países que guardo en mi corazón como mis tierras que quiero mucho.

Por ahora voy a rezar.

Con compasión y alegría,

~La Vicky

En Busca De Mi Príncipe Azul, Pero...

2011-12-11T16:45:00.001-08:00

Tiki con Vicky

En busca de mi Príncipe Azul, pero... con mucha sabiduría.

En la canción "No" de Shakira, hay una frase que dice: "Espero que no esperes que te espere después de mis veintiséis", que me impresionó hace tiempo.

¿Cuánto tiempo iba esperar?

¿Cuánto tiempo iba esperar para el hombre que yo amaba? ¿Cuánto tiempo iba dar para cambiar su modo de ser conmigo? ¿Cuándo iba él a quererme, como yo le quería? ¿Cuánto tiempo tenía que pasar para que él se convirtiera en mi príncipe azul? ¿Tal vez, él fue un príncipe azul en la única forma que supo ser o quizás yo no fui la princesa para él?

Eran preguntas importantes y siguen siendo importantes. En ese tiempo, decidí que no iba esperar más ni iba a tratar de cambiar a nadie.
En busca de mi príncipe azul para mí significa:

• Estar preparándose muy bien como mujer madura, sabia, y de cualidades buenas
• Estar con el corazón abierto para recibir en tu vida a un hombre con quien se pueda crear una vida saludable y amorosa como pareja y a la misma vez lograr tus propias metas.

Parte de esa preparación ha sido analizar los consejos de mi mamá.

Mami siempre me ha dicho, "el hombre tiene que quererte más". En estos últimos años, estoy entendiendo más lo que ella me quería decir con eso. También creo que por un lado una mujer como mi mamá, guarda las claves de cómo se encuentra un amor verdadero y fiel si ella ha podido tener un matrimonio con mi papa ¡de 35 años! Espero que hayan sido años mucho más felices que dolorosos. La realidad es que en cualquier relación va a haber dificultades y oportunidades para aprender cómo ser mejor como pareja.

De todos modos, en ese tiempo, yo siempre tomaba ese dicho de ella a la defensiva.
Yo estaba en mis veintes. ¡Yo le decía, "Mami tu no entiendes cómo los hombres y las mujeres se llevan! ¡Hoy en día, hay muchas mujeres que sacan a los hombres! ¡Ellas son las que pagan la cuenta cuando salen a comer!" Yo le decía, "¿Cómo me puedes decir que yo tengo que amar en una manera restringida, si es algo natural querer un hombre con todo lo que tengo?"

Yo pensaba que tenía todo la razón ¡Qué risa!

Ahora soy una mujer muy preparada e informada en las cositas del amor. Estoy en mis treintas, no soy casada y no tengo hijos. ¡Quisiera llegar a tener todo eso, sería una alegría! Pero es peligroso querer a alguien o algo, más de lo que uno se quiere a sí mismo. Mujeres que se desesperan por encontrar pareja o tratan de cambiar a un hombre por completo para convertirlo en una imagen de príncipe azul, son las que quieren esa meta, más de lo que se quieren a ellas mismas. Yo entiendo la presión de estar en los treintas sin pareja y con el sueño de empezar una familia, pero se tiene que tener la paciencia y la fe en que va haber un hombre para ti mientras, se hace lo que se puede (la preparación) para estar disponible para encontrarse con él.

Tengo la esperanza de encontrar a mi pareja, a mi media naranja adecuada, a mi príncipe azul -yo entiendo el consejo de mi mama pero con el toque mío- de Vicky:

• Tienes que quererte más que todo y aceptarte a ti misma. Si yo no me puedo aceptar a mí misma, lo que estoy buscando en otra persona, es algo para llenar ese vacío.

• El hombre tiene que quererte más. Dado que tú te quieres y te aceptas, no vas a tomar decisiones de una desesperada. Él te va querer por quién eres no por lo que puedes llegar a ser para él.

• Las cualidades buenas que tienes son las que atrae las cualidades buenas en él. Sigue siempre mejorándote como persona y verás que el príncipe azul viene en mejor forma también.

• No solo hay un príncipe azul, ¡hay muchos! ¿Cómo puede ser que solo hay uno en toda la vida? Yo me he enamorado no menos de cuatro veces en mi vida y cada uno de esos romances fueron lindos. Solo aprende del último príncipe (o sapo) que estuvo en tu vida para no traer el mismo problema a la próxima relación.

• Tienes que creer en lo bueno que son los hombres. Sí, hay hombres buenos, que son galanes, que hacen todo para hacer a una mujer sentirse bien, protegida, y segura.

• Enfócate en ser la princesa, mejor todavía ¡la reina o diosa! El problema no solo es encontrar el príncipe azul, es ser la princesa que merece al príncipe! No princesa en cosas de vanidad, pero mejor dicho, diosa en esta tierra, poderosa mujer en control de su vida, profesional preparada o en el camino de su profesión.

Conclusión: El príncipe azul sí existe, pero el punto es estar en busca de ser la mejor mujer para tí misma. Así cuando se encuentren se puedan reconocer.

Thoughtful Thursday: Does Adele's "Someone Like You" Song Apply To Platonic Friendships Too?

2011-12-08T22:33:00.000-08:00

I think with any song, there are truths we tap into when we need it. That's the beauty of music.
It runs through our bodies- we feel it deeply. "Someone Like You" struck me when I first encountered it. It grabbed my heart because my heart was hurting in that moment. The song had the ability to bring back memories of a deep love that I wanted to last forever. But, it also expressed the sentiment of coming to peace with the bitter sweet reality of letting go and wishing the best for this person who didn't want me anymore in the same way.

So, does this song apply to friendships? When there has been a fall out? When there has been a break in the deepness of the friendship?

If it weren't for a Latism Twitter after-party and the tweets that followed, my mind and heart would not be going there. Adele's song, "Someone Like You" was tweeted and I even retweeted with my previous post of Adele's song, where I share the details of why my heart was hurting at that time.

But now I found my heart felt a tinge- a pull at it, but not because I was thinking about my Ex. I definitely thought of him, but my thoughts went to an old friend. I had a beautiful friendship with an amazing supermujer. The friendship ended sadly, but I have always maintained a relationship in my heart with her. Call me corny or new-age-y woo woo lady, but that's me. In fact, I am one of her biggest cheerleaders and fans that she doesn't even know about!

Actually, more accurately, I'm a fan she doesn't really want. Yes, because I clearly remember sending an email saying something like "I love what you've been up to and I'm your biggest fan!" I'm pretty sure is wasn't in an Eminem stalker sort of way, but it didn't get a response. Still, I've never turned off love towards anybody. And I can't turn off this love. I love for always. I promise that. Pure love is like that. It doesn't turn off. It always is. How we express that love is what matters. So, sometimes it is best to love from a distance. That's what I've tried to do, mostly.

Curiously, other friends have asked about the way I love everybody even people who seem to not want me loving them. hmmm... Well, yes, I do! I have no enemies and I have come to a place where I have forgiven the worst acts done against me, to my family, and more importantly forgiven myself for ways I have failed myself and others. I am at peace. So, given that, how can I not love everybody?

Forgiveness is so powerful and feels overwhelming that some would rather hold on to what they know (the resistance, hurt, anger, pain, resentment) than to let go to what they don't know, no matter how much peace it could bring them. But, for clarification, how I show up in people's lives is unique to our unique relationship. I love all my ex boyfriends, but I'm not calling them. 1. That's not good for me and 2. They don't want to hear from me like that. Obviously.

Anyhoo, I've been at peace with her not wanting to reconcile for a long time, but as I said in my previous, "Someone Like You" post, there are times when memories and feelings are triggered that bring me back to a vulnerable place for a moment. The only thing I've wanted since our worlds have collided in bits and pieces as of late is simply to have peaceful encounters and that remains my wish.

Years later, I don't think we are the very same people we were back then. I think back on how we handled aspects of our friendship and in retrospect as well as with the help of other wise women holding up a mirror to me, I recognize some of the unhealthy dynamics. The thing is those unhealthy parts made our bond strong for a very long time. So, maybe we needed to release the bond and work out the unhealthy parts on our own- maybe. All I know is that I'm pretty amazing nowadays *pops collar. ;) And for the record, she's pretty amazing too.

So friends, be kind to each other. Understand that you are growing and learning about yourself all the time. Understand that this means you can and do change. Be patient with each other or create space when necessary to allow for growing into your power and growing up with each other. Peace and love are not just things you quote, but deep levels of interaction that you live.

Wishes of kindness towards your friends through good times and bad,
~Vicky

Día de las Velitas and Christmas Season Wishes

2011-12-07T19:38:00.000-08:00

Día de las Velitas: This is the candle that is lit in my home
in honor of this day. Also, this candle means a lot, because it was
a gift from my BFF, Tita. Thank you, for the light. xoxo

"Día de las Velitas (English: Day of the little candles) is one of the most observed traditional holidays of Colombia. It is celebrated on December 7, on the eve of the Immaculate Conception, which is a public holiday in Colombia. This day is the unofficial start of the Christmas season in the country.^[1]

On this day, people place candles and paper lanterns on their windows, balconies, porches, sidewalks, streets, parks and squares, in short, everywhere they can be seen, in honor of theVirgin Mary and her immaculate conception." - Wikipedia

This year I was very mindful of this special day that is celebrated in my parents' home country of Colombia.  I had some help remembering thanks to my special twitter and facebook family! Just like Facebook helps us remember everybody's birthdays, it helps me stay connected with my Colombian culture.

Today, I spent a lot of time in meditation and mindfulness when I wasn't running around for work.     I both immersed myself in Colombian vallenatos and practiced quieting my mind. I did some soul searching and heart-asking around some of my present challenges. I found the power within to finally say to myself and to my immediate supervisor (later in the day) that I can no longer do the work expected of me there. It's no longer something my heart can fully give the energy to.

Now, I am not jumping ship- I am part of an excellent and esteemed team of researchers in developmental psychology. What I'm doing is honoring what I can and cannot give of myself.   So, I will immediately be scaling back my workload there. I am truly blessed, my supervisor and the esteemed psychologists I work with are uber-amazing! They want me to excel and achieve my PhD in psychology as soon as possible too and they understand the various demands and certain financial hardships that come with financing yourself through school. I will most likely be giving in my notice within the next two weeks and give them lots of time to find my replacement. In the meantime, I have a lot on my plate, but it's all stuff I want to eat! ;) I have my own research to do, I am presently looking for a more full-time therapy or research position, I am invested in the Occupy Movement, I am creating time for helping others through coaching, and of course, I wear a few social media hats!

Vicky, what does any of that have to do with the Day of Little Lights?

"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine! Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine!"

That's what I did today!

It's not a coincidence that today we honored that light! Today, the Christmas lights even seemed brighter to me!

Let your light shine! What's blocking the little light inside that wants to be brighter and bolder and more of yourself? Sit with yourself and quietly, or with music, or by shouting (where you won't disturb others) and get to the bottom of it! Let 2012 be a time of shining even more of that light!

Speaking of shining lights- or TV stars in this case (haha)!

Below is a little Christmas gift as we start the Christmas Season. My younger sister made it today in celebration of the five cousins (of which I am the Captain) who were on the Family Feud- talk about letting our light shine!

Wishes of your little light becoming bigger, brighter, and bolder!

~Vicky

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

Turn Back Tuesday: A Man's Four Point Strategy For Going From Online to A Date In Real Life

2011-12-06T11:46:00.001-08:00

This post was originally published on the OK Cupid dating site my online journal. It's worth repeating here and might be helpful to men who are just as frustrated with getting stuck in the online dating drama of messaging and chat. This post was received well by the guys of OKC, who offered many positive comments and thanked me for helping them to push through some insecurities they had about asking a girl out. -Vicky B.

Online Dating and Momentum! June 25, 2010

Momentum is progress or development that is becoming faster or stronger.

I have been on a handful of dates with some incredible guys and if it weren't for the chemistry between us needing to be more, I'm sure we would have hit it off!

Still, now, I am writing because as of late, there have been a few men that have expressed interest and I have expressed interest and that hasn't led to an invite out!

What gives?!

I think this is because of lack of momentum!

I wish everybody on OKC (and for that matter everybody out there open to finding love) well. This is not a matter of me being disappointed that there's been all this OKC messages back and forth, text messages back and forth, and or emails back and forth without any building on the momentum and taking it beyond the virtual.

I do think though, if any man wants to see a woman, he will need to, for lack of a better word, have better "game" than to spend lots of time becoming buddies, whether that be email, text, or even OKC message buddies!

I have a great life with great friends and I am not looking for new buddies, but I am looking for a genuine romantic connection that will include a deep friendship eventually!

If you are a guy who wants that, even if it's not with me, I urge you not to set yourselves up into a BUDDY for any woman. (sex buddies are a different story and not applicable here...)

So the answer is to make sure you build momentum and do not drag your communication on and on so that everyone has forgotten why they were interested to begin with.

One guy messaged me and said, "Where did you go?" I said, "I'm sorry, I have no idea where we left at." I had completely lost interest and he was really a nice guy, but if you are not building momentum with the person you really like, then realize that more likely than not, someone else is!

BUILD MOMENTUM and GET ON THAT DATE- Online dating HAPPENS in the REAL WORLD. You only "meet" a profile and then should be MEETING in real life if you like what you SEE & READ!

Your Four Point Strategy for Going From ONLINE to An In REAL LIFE Date:

Express your interest (especially if she has already winked at you)
Take a strong stance if she expresses interest in return- a commanding resolved position (confidence) in your messages. You are a man over 30 with male YANG (to her YIN) energy, this is a turn-on for women! Flirting for one or two messages is OK, but you WANT TO TAKE HER OUT not have a FLIRTING AFFAIR online for weeks that eventually fizzles!
Ask to talk with her (over the phone) or ask her out and only if and when she expresses hesitation do you DOWNGRADE to "CHAT" on messengers and resort to email for finding out more about each other. Spending time chatting with her online and emails back and forth will only give her MORE TIME to go out with other guys!
Set up the date- Have an idea of where you can meet that will work for her! Yes, women are very independent but they want to meet a guy who knows how to take her out, knows where to go, and will consider her ideas while he sets it up!

I hope you find your lucky ladies and I hope you build momentum with the ladies you are very interested in!

You Do That Way Better Than I Do: Seeing Their Strength and Embracing Your Gifts

2011-11-29T16:54:00.001-08:00

Google image

I have been pretty quiet today as I organized important paperwork, made some phone calls and basically took care of pressing business- oh, and there's more to do, of course! Still, as is my usual way, I take more breaks when I am trying to get work done than any other time. I spent my break times reading blogs and catching up on some of my private community groups. This thought came to mind a couple of times, "I wish I could write like that" and "I wish I could share more like that", and "You do that way better than I do!"

I really admire the inspiration, the brave sharing, and the heart that is behind the posts I read. And I had to catch that last thought of , "You do that way better..." When I am moved by something I

read I recognize that there is something authentic, vulnerable, and resonating that the writer was able to convey. It's easy to get into a comparing mind set, which is the completion of that last thought, "better than I do." When I caught myself comparing and basically telling myself, "look at you, yours is not good enough", I let myself experience the immediate feeling of disappointment in myself. Then I gave myself some tough love. This was not just about being impressed by others' blogs and being under-impressed by mine. No, this was about having a mountain of feelings about a bazillion things that matter and not being able to put the right words to it. Also, it was about all the near complete written works that were waiting for me when all I have to do is show up.

I talk about "showing up" as a way to be my authentic self, my best self, and my most loved and loving self. So, in my tough love speech to myself, I said, "Self, you are pushing away the very things you want to accomplish by comparing yourself. You want to write, so write as best you can. You want to share your messages, then share as honestly as possible. You want to excel in your work as a researcher and an academic, keep taking the steps that move you closer to that. You want to complete project A, study B, plan C, then, stop resisting the very things that move you along. You see the strengths in others all the time, now recognize your strengths and embrace your gifts!"

I accept that I don't have to be a blogging superstar... (maybe a blogging rock star in a year? hehe)... And maybe I will never get special awards for the work I do in my research, but I accept that my natural gifts are actually pretty amazing- you'd have to sit with me for the full effect or just trust me! You can actually trust me though, I've been in the field of social work and psychology for a very long time and I am still learning and improving the way I personally practice psychology and social work.

So, have you checked yo' self?

Have you caught your monkey-mind thinking unhelpful thoughts? Have you given yourself a Tough Love Talk? Are you taking action now to get going in the direction of your dreams/goals/aspirations?

Wishes of Kindness & Embracing Your Gifts,
~Vicky

Post Thanksgiving Fitness Friday: McDonald's, Ham, Potato Salad and Flan Do Not Make For Weight Loss Success

2011-11-25T22:51:00.001-08:00

I'm not quite sure what happened between my last Fitness Friday post, but I think McDonald's Monopoly Game in October got in the way of me and my goals. Ok, that would be blaming McDonald's instead of taking responsibility for what I put in my mouth, right? Let's then say, I understand that I am the only thing that really gets in the way of my goals and I do take 100% responsibility. With that said, McDonald's really messed me up! Why must their fries taste so yummy? I don't even like fries like that, but give me a free coupon to use and I'm eating fries! So, my workout and healthy eating regiment was thrown off by my diligent efforts to buy (and subsequently eat) McDee's in order to get more and more Monopoly pieces. It was actually a team of us. Boy, were we diligent! We enjoyed chowing down on chicken nuggets, large fries, and of course McDee's yummy coffee- all of which provided us with more chances to win! Did we gain anything after all was said and done? Yes! A few extra pounds! Ha! I don't regret any of it!

pic credit: myrecipes.com

In fact, having celebrated Thanksgiving, I feel even more blessed than ever! I'm actually not worried about my weight. I have confidence I will take the next best steps for it, but I do have to say, the way I ate the cooked ham, I'm not surprised, I haven't turned into a life size portion! Believe it or not, Turkey, has never been my Thanksgiving meat of choice. It has always been and will always be the cooked ham. For tradition's sake, I serve myself a bite size portion of turkey so that if anybody asks any stats about the turkey, I can speak with confidence. As we all know, there's almost no way of getting around the social expectations of eating turkey on Thanksgiving, short of being a vegetarian or vegan. And really, I don't mind eating the little bit I do so it works out for everybody.

pic credit: allrecipes.com

My mom is the one that prepares Thanksgiving dinner and her potato salad is one of my favorite dishes. I could live on ham and potato salad. In fact, that's how I have lived for the last two days. Ham and potato salad- great for dinner. Ham and potato salad- yummy late night snack. Ham and potato salad- perfect breakfast meal. Ham and potato salad- makes a yummy sandwich. Ham and potato salad- hey, Black Friday dinner spectacular! Ham and potato salad- I know it's late, but is there any potato salad left?

Um yeah, that's probably not good for my fitness endeavors.

Google image

Now, take all those meals and add dessert to each of them. Flan for dinner. Flan with coffee for breakfast. Flan after lunch. Flan for dinner again. I have to say, this year's flan made by one of my mother's friends, was a dream of deliciousness.

The flan can be found on my thighs.

I am so thankful that I have a loving and generous family that I can always come home to, enjoy a warm meal with, and overeat on the Holidays like nobody's business. I am so grateful and full of love with the knowledge that I am loved so much by my family and I love our time together. This is why, at least as the day ends, I am not worried about my flan-induced heavy thighs or my ham-induced belly. Maybe, I am extra soft these days, but I know it's temporary.

Me holding a Lalo Alcaraz creation in mid-October
http://laloalcaraz.com/my-occupy-wall-street-poster-is-now-in-nyc

I mean, I'm not crazy, I have a plan of action and a direction in which to go which leads to hotness! Ha! I have been inspired by the "Occupy Movement" also to get in better shape. To tell the truth, there is a lot of work to do for the movement and it's an indefinite timeline. The movement will keep going until something gives. That means there will be plenty of meetings, marches, demonstrations, acts of civil disobedience, rallies, and a slew of activities requiring long hours and endurance from those involved. I'm inspired to build my stamina, strength, and endurance for this cause. It's for me, but it's also to be the best me out there where I am needed.

Peace, Blessings, & Loving Thanksgiving wishes,
~Vicky