Meet Elizabeth.

By the time her story began, she was married but she was also old, past the age of motherhood.

In the days of Herod, king of Judea, there was a priest named Zacharias, of the division of Abijah; and he had a wife from the daughters of Aaron, and her name was Elizabeth. They were both righteous in the sight of God, walking blamelessly in all the commandments and requirements of the Lord. But they had no child, because Elizabeth was barren, and they were both advanced in years.  (Luke 1:5-7 NASB)

I’m not married so I can’t begin to understand the pain of hope for children within marriage when the hope is deferred. Because I’m not married, however, I understand the pain of hope deferred. For me and other girls who aren’t married the hope is often for husband and children and home altogether.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick …  (Proverbs 13:12)

I haven’t found a lot of stories in the Bible about single girls who waited for years for the fulfillment of their dreams, whether they were dreams of marriage and motherhood or something else. (Although I love the stories of Ruth and of Martha and Mary for other reasons.) Perhaps that’s why I turn to the stories of Sarah and Hannah and Elizabeth when I need to remember that God is faithful to His girls. They waited for years. And we can learn from their stories even if they waited for babies and we wait for other things. He doesn’t forget. He hears our hearts and our prayers.

And Elizabeth…?

Elizabeth is special because, like Sarah and Hannah (and other women) before her, she couldn’t have children. She was probably married in her teens. And then, for years, she lived with the pain of hope deferred. And in spite of the pain she lived righteously.

The Bible tells us that God gave Elizabeth a baby boy called John who grew up to be John the Baptist.

Elizabeth is remembered as John the Baptist’s mother. As miraculous and wonderful as that is, however, she was so much more. She was a woman who was faithful and righteous when, for “the best years of her life”, God said no.

Barrenness may take many forms in life. We all have barren places that lie, seemingly in waste. We may even view them as judgment or punishment from God and wonder why He would inflict us with such pain. Yet, we see God’s sovereign plan is always at work, and in Elizabeth’s case, He had something special in mind. So the question becomes, will I continue in faithfulness, despite the lack I see?

(Danielle Ayers Jones in Elizabeth: Faith for the Barren Years at Ungrind)

I’m challenged by that question.

Deep down inside I wonder if I can be like Elizabeth. My life today is full to the brim with blessings and I’m grateful. (I really am.) Alongside a lot of living, however, I’m doing a lot of praying for a husband and a family and a home. You might be praying for marriage and motherhood too. You might be praying for a university scholarship or a career promotion or a mission opportunity (or something else altogether). All of us, I suspect, are doing a lot of waiting for something with hope deferred.

If God says no, for “the best years of my life”, can I be faithful and righteous in the midst of pain?

~*~*~*~

Elizabeth was old but ready when God said yes and her story began, the bit of her story in the Bible. I think she was ready when God said yes because of all the years — and all the moments of crying and laughing, grieving and rejoicing, praying and choosing to trust — that came before the moment when the miracle happened. She was ready because, before God said yes (when He said no), she was faithful and righteous.

I can’t be faithful and righteous in the hope that God will be impressed and say yes. I’m called to be faithful and righteous because Christ is faithful and He gives me His righteousness.

If, by His grace, I’m like Elizabeth in this respect then, like her, I’ll be ready when God says yes to whatever plans He has for the next season of my life.

Author information

Elisabeth Allen

Scribbler at Hope Scribbles

A twenty-something scribbler from England who loves God and people, life and beauty ... and hope! What's better than hope - wonderful as it is! - is discovering and sharing it with others in words and pictures.

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If God says, “No.” is by Elisabeth Allen from Kindred Grace.

I have always loved being efficient. Doing something quickly and effectively gives me a thrill. Of course, my husband’s appreciation of my efficiency contributes to my satisfaction. And in general, my affection for efficiency is a good thing. But lately, I’ve realized that sometimes, prizing efficiency isn’t always best, especially when it conflicts with my loving and mothering.

A common scenario at our house finds me making dinner while the kids are playing together in the living room. Something is sizzling in the skillet and I’m chopping up stuff for a salad.  Cedar gets a little too rough and starts throwing his toys, something he’s not allowed to do. I reprimand him from my spot in the kitchen because I don’t want to leave my efficient dinner preparations. He does it again, and this time I go into the living room and respond more sharply because I’m frustrated that he’s interrupted my efficiency. He responds to my frustration by whining and throwing himself on the floor, or maybe even throwing more toys. And things just go downhill from there.

But there’s another scenario, one that I’m trying to make the more customary of the two. When one of my littles disobeys, I try to push aside all thoughts of efficiency and “getting things done”. I try to take the time to go over to where she is at and kneel down to her level. I try to make him look at me and I talk to him in a calm voice and remind him again that he shouldn’t be throwing his toys. If she then disobeys again (which ends up happening much less frequently than when I brusquely reprimand them), there will be consequences, but neither of us get so frustrated.

Yes, it may take longer to deal with, and my efficiency will likely fall by the wayside. But in the long run, does it really matter if dinner a few minutes later than I said it would be? No, not compared to building my relationship with my little ones.

I know that as my littles grow, we’ll have different problems than just throwing toys. And I will need to continue to work on sacrificing my efficiency to relationship building. I will try, and I will fail. But if there’s one thing that I’ve learned in this whole parenting journey is that there’s always more grace. Grace for me to give my little ones, and grace for myself. Always more.

originally published at Something Simple

Author information

Jessica Telian

A wife and mama who loves her life of learning to know her Father, loving her amazing husband and babies, and keeping her little house amidst the green.

When efficiency is a problem is by Jessica Telian from Kindred Grace.

A woman stands praying and weeping in the presence of God.

Her name is Hannah. She has a husband, but no children. Her husband’s other wife has children and mocks Hannah for her childlessness, for her barrenness. And Hannah, overwhelmed by longing for her own child and grief over her empty womb, seeks the presence of God.

She bargains and begs for her own child:

“O Lord of hosts, if You will indeed look on the affliction of Your maidservant and remember me, and not forget Your maidservant, but will give Your maidservant a son, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life …”  (1 Samuel 1:11 NASB)

And God says, “Yes.”

I’m amazed and awed by God’s generosity to Hannah.

God gave Hannah her own child. His name was Samuel. Hannah, as she had promised, gave him to God. And then God gave her another three boys and two girls. Hannah asked for one baby. God could have answered her prayer and given her what she asked for: one baby (like Sarah and Elisabeth).

God gave Hannah six babies.

And I’m reminded, whenever I read this story of her prayer and His generosity, that her God is my God. He’s Mary’s God. And Paul’s God. And it was Paul who wrote,

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.  (Ephesians 3:20-21 NASB)

I learn two things from these verses:

1. My God is able. He is able to give a biological child to a barren woman like Hannah. He is able to part the Red Sea, to make a shepherd boy a king, to raise His own Son to life. He is able to give me the desires of my heart.

2. What my God does is not all about me and the desires of my heart. Paul wants the glory to go to God. Not just the glory in his generation or my generation or even the generation of my hopefully–someday–grandchildren, but all generations.

The story of Hannah reminds me (again and again) that I can seek the presence of God with the desires of my heart and every fear and pain of my current singleness and subsequent childlessness.

I can pray.

God will answer. (He promises.)

And I (really, really, really) want to say that He’ll give me what I ask for and more. That, however, isn’t the truth. The truth is that He might not give me what I ask for — He might not give me the desires of my heart.

And so I don’t hope in what I ask Him for and I don’t hope in my prayers.

I hope in God.

And I read Lamentations 3:21-24 (NASB):

This I recall to my mind,
Therefore I have hope.
The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“Therefore I have hope in Him.”

His love, His compassion, His faithfulness are enduring and eternal and therefore I have hope.

I don’t know what you’re praying for, or if God will give you what you’re asking for — if He’ll give you the desires of your heart. I do know that He wants you to seek the presence of God when you’re overwhelmed by longing and grief.

I know that He wants you to hope in Him.

And I know that, somehow, He will answer.

Because that’s Who He is and what He does.  He does far more far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think.

Author information

Elisabeth Allen

Scribbler at Hope Scribbles

A twenty-something scribbler from England who loves God and people, life and beauty ... and hope! What's better than hope - wonderful as it is! - is discovering and sharing it with others in words and pictures.

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far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think is by Elisabeth Allen from Kindred Grace.

by Colleen Chao

Years ago, God gave me a simple mental image that helped me persevere through long years of singleness. I pictured a treasure chest where my tears were stored and turned into eternal reward. By imagining each tear of anguish counting for eternity (see Psalm 126:5), I was able to push on to trust God through another day of deferred longings.

These tears, I told myself, will count for something infinitely great…

My suffering in singleness was an invitation to find my treasure in Christ. My suffering was valuable, not as an end, but as a means to usher me into a deeper love relationship with my Lord. Suffering, both then and now, reminds me that this life is not where my ultimate happiness and purpose are found.

But sometimes I get things all backwards.

It’s easy to start viewing my sufferings as if they were my badge of honor, my validation, even my very identity. My temptation is to worship at the altar of my pain instead of offering it up as a sacrifice of praise to the Only One worthy of my worship. In fact, sometimes I want your validation and empathy more than “I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings” (Philippians 3:10).

But when I exalt my hardships, I necessarily have to diminish the hardships of everyone else around me. I need your suffering to pale in comparison to mine.

Haven’t we all done this, especially on our darkest days?

For example, the 30-something single girl may look at the 20-something barren wife and think, “Well, at least she has a husband and has the potential to get pregnant! I’d be happy just to get a date!” Or the married mother of young children may look at the single girl and think, “Look at her carefree life! What I wouldn’t give to dress up cute, meet friends for coffee, and sleep in once in awhile!”

Suffering can lead to a hard heart that looks bitterly at everyone else’s better, easier life… or it can soften our hearts and give us great compassion for others’ sufferings, no matter how they compare to ours. This is the heart of 2 Corinthians 1:3-4:

“The God of all comfort…comforts us in all our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

No one else will suffer quite like you do, or I do, but that’s beside the point. God’s comfort is for those who are in any affliction. For me to compare my suffering against yours robs me of doing the very thing I was made for:

“God has so composed the body. . .that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.” 1 Corinthians 12:24-26

Our mutual suffering, although very different in shape and size, is designed to bind us together, not divide us. It’s not that we should avoid talking about our hardships with each other; it’s that we should talk about them in light of who God is and what He has done for us (Philippians 3:8; 2 Corinthians 11). This builds up the Body, all of whose members experience trials beyond compare.

I don’t want to make much of my suffering; I want to make much of my God in suffering. Long years of singleness, my ongoing struggle with depression and panic attacks, and debilitating health issues have given me more opportunities to minister to others and boast in Christ than all of my successes and talents combined. Even my fight for sexual purity as a single woman opened up surprising doors for me to talk about Jesus with believers and unbelievers alike.

Suffering really is not the point. God is.

He takes our sorrows and invites us into deeper fellowship with Himself. He takes our tears and turns them into eternal joy as we come to know and love Him more and then comfort those who are suffering around us.

As Joylane Bartron wrote, “Suffering is not a competitive sport.” Let’s stop comparing our plights with each other and exalting our hardships. Instead, let’s run together into the God of all comfort who promises,

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.”
-Isaiah 43:2-3

Colleen Elisabeth Chao makes her home in Redlands, California, with her long-awaited husband Eddie and a wee little man named Jeremy.

Suffering is not a competitive sport is by Guest Author from Kindred Grace.

If I could drop by your house today, I’d bring you a bright bouquet of daffodils. Growing up, it was the irises that were in bloom on Mother’s Day. But here in the mountains, it’s the daffodils that are just showing their bright faces to us. But wherever this week finds us, I’d love to bring you a bouquet and give you a big hug and whisper, “Happy Mother’s Day.”

Because I know the up-all-night, work-all-day schedule of motherhood that refines us until we’re not sure there’s anything left (anything but His strength, that is). And you deserve a bouquet of flowers.

But I’m also intimately acquainted with my friends’ stories of crushing test results, missing heartbeats, and the devastating ache of empty arms. And you, my friend, deserve a great big bouquet of sweet-smelling flowers, too.

You don’t have to give birth to be a mother to someone. Aunties, sisters, grandmas, babysitters, nannies, mother’s helpers, teachers, mentors — we moms couldn’t do it without you! The impact you can have on a child’s life has nothing to do with ties of blood, but cords of love.

And so I wish you happy Mother’s Day, moms and sisters and friends. I pray this virtual bouquet will bring encouragement to your heart this weekend.

“God needed someone to love the least and the little into real whole people, and He knew that to love is to suffer so God made a mother.”
-Ann Voskamp in “So God Made a Mother” on A Holy Experience

“And once again, I see myself in the mirror of my children.  And in mothering them, I learn more of my Heavenly Father’s heartache and love.”
-Gretchen Louise in “if you love me”

“Only a wealthy woman could complain about such trivial things.”
-Kristen Glover in “The Fire Truck Cart of Evil” on Five in Tow

When Motherhood is Hard

“We as mamas get to speak new life into our children, naming them as God sees them with unconditional love, not our love.  Because our love fails and his doesn’t.”
-Kamille Scellik in “We Are Our Children’s Adam” on MomHeart

“I learned the reason why parenthood is often so hard — God uses parenthood to strip away our independence and the sin that keeps us from abiding in him.”
-Christina Fox in “The Sanctifying Work of Parenthood” on Desiring God

“You are a warrior who will battle for your children’s hearts, souls, attention, innocence, education and memories.”
-Lisa-Jo Baker in “A Mighty Mom”

“I have friends with empty arms… I know they would gladly give up their restful nights of sleep if only there was a little person to wake them up at night.”
-Gretchen Louise in “Better full than empty”

“Let’s also redefine this paradigm – rather than asking ourselves if we measure up to other people, let’s ask ourselves if we’re measuring up to our calling.”
-Kresha in “Competitive Motherhood” on Nourishing Joy in the Home

“Mothering is a ministry to the future. It’s a very private, unseen ministry. It’s like a long-term, 20-year investment in which you cannot withdraw any of your money until the 20 years is up.”
-Barbara Rainey in “Looking Forward to the Real Mother’s Day” on FamilyLife

“Childbearing and childraising are God’s means of grace in my life to make me more like my beautiful Savior. It will bring great reward!”
-Lindsay Edmonds in “Encouragement for Weary Mothers” on Passionate Homemaking

“You might think you gave Me great things when you were younger and had an abundance of time and energy. But I say your contribution here and now amongst cheerios and dirty diapers is greater.”
-Amanda in “On Cheerios, Failure, and Widows Who Give Their Everything” on The Cadence of a Conquering Housewife

When Motherhood Gives Birth to Fear

“Trading fears for faith is a battle.”
-Rachel in “Overcoming Fear in Pregnancy” on The Purposeful Wife

“‘Be not afraid.’ The words of the angel spoke straight to my heart, more with each subsequent pregnancy.”
-Gretchen Louise in “Be Not Afraid”

“I can drown in my inadequacies and I can grieve the probability that another mother could do it better, but it doesn’t erase the fact that God gave me a name I did not earn. He called me mother.“
-Kristen Glover in “Better With You Here” at Five in Tow

When Mother’s Day is Hard

“Today my heart goes out to all of you motherless daughters. You who will both smile and ache tomorrow. I know your pain. And I want you to know it’s okay to be sad this weekend, even if people don’t understand why.”
-Kayse Pratt in “Because Sometimes Mother’s Day Stinks”

“I believe we can honor mothers without alienating others.”
-Amy in “An open letter to pastors {A non-mom speaks out about Mother’s Day}” on The Messy Middle

“The source of true happiness is not found in being praised or anything we have ever done. True happiness is found in dying to ourselves and celebrating what Christ has already done for us.”
-Elyse Fitzpatrick in “Happy Daughter’s Day” on The Resurgence

“Maybe instead of celebrating biology—and leaving out so many women—we should take Jesus’ advice on the subject and celebrate ezers who follow Him and are fulfilling His mandate to be fruitful and multiply by advancing His kingdom in the lives of others.”
-Carolyn Custis James in “Happy Ezer Day!” on Carolyn’s Reflections

“Let’s give them all a flower, every woman.  Is the world short of flowers? It is only short of hands to present them.”
-Leslie Leyland Fields in “California Wildfires, Windmills + A Final End to the Mother’s Day Wars” 

“Even when I can’t understand their pain, I am called to mourn with those who mourn–even on Mother’s Day.”
-Erin in “Rejoicing and Mourning with Mothers on Mother’s Day” at The Humbled Homemaker

For the Childless Mothers

“I’m much better at sacrificing than surrendering. I’m better at walking away completely than standing still.”
-Natasha Metzler in Embracing His Promises {while living where you can’t see them}

“There is just this whisper of ‘trust Me’ and the sweet truth that letting go is just letting God hold this dream, to give or to take in His perfect time and way.”
-Anne Demitre in “The Mommy Dream”

“But the choice of all was the same–live in emptiness or grace.”
-Natasha Metzler in “The Parable of the Silver Locket”

“Mother’s Day is your time of need, and he does not turn away from you during your time of need; he wants you to find grace to help.”
-Trillia Newbell in “When Mother’s Day Is Hard” on The Gospel Coalition Blog

“When you share with us your story, your heartbreak, you help us be more sensitive — you help us see the stupidity in what we say, the ways we’ve excluded you, how to be more considerate with our words and actions, and remind us to have more gratitude for what we do have.”
-Karen in “for the person who struggles on Mother’s Day” on Finding Rest

“The Enemy would love nothing more than to cut you off from little ones. Don’t let him.”
-Natasha Metzler in “5 Things to Remember {when the doctor says you’ll never be a mom}”

“There is so much encouragement that comes in knowing we are not forgotten, that we are not overlooked, that we are not an after thought.”
-Amanda in “Mother’s Day and the Infertile Woman” on A Royal Daughter

“And when this empty place seems too much to handle, we remind each other that this is not our home.”
-Vickie in “Empty” on Walk Agape

“The excitement we once knew
Is replaced with tears of sorrow.
But we grieve not without the Hope
Of a joyous, new tomorrow.”
-Tabitha Beals in “dear child that we never knew”

“I choose to love Mother’s Day and He works miracles to make it beautiful.”
-Natasha Metzler in “learning to love Mother’s Day {while facing infertility}”

for more:

click here to read our 2011 bouquet of encouragement for Moms
read Kristen Glover’s “30 Days to Enjoying Your Children More” at Five in tow
check out Kristen Glover’s “100 Days of Motherhood” at Five in Tow

Find a beautiful post about motherhood on the web lately?
Share the link in the comment section!

Photo Credits:
first photo by Rebekah, others by Jessica Elisabeth

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Gretchen Louise

writer at post cards from the Little Pink House

A random redhead who loves the Lord, her farmer husband, their curly-haired little ones, reading, writing, pictures, and chocolate.

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a bouquet for moms {and for those who aren’t} is by Gretchen Louise from Kindred Grace.

Earlier this year I was struggling with guilt. I mean, really struggling.  Nearly every day there was some sort of failure in my life, something I wished I’d done better, some area I didn’t measure up to my own standard.

I got impatient with my toddler.

I didn’t keep the toys picked up.

I let the bathroom get dirty.

I was frustrated with my husband for no good reason.

All those things happen on a regular basis if you’re a sinner (if you’re not, please tell me how you’re reading this from Heaven), but the key for Christians is to confess the sin, repent, and move on, walking in forgiveness.  I had the first parts down, but I couldn’t move on.

I couldn’t accept grace.

Guilt was definitely getting the upper hand in my life. A typical sequence went like this:  Get frustrated with Evan for something he’d done (usually quite innocently, like accidentally waking up the baby). Respond wrongly, either verbally or mentally. Cool down, realize that regardless of what had happened, my heart was responding in sinful ways, and confess and repent. Spend the next several hours to few days “beating myself up” for being so stupid. How could I get mad over that? I’m a terrible wife! (Does anyone see the hidden pride here? I couldn’t believe that I could sin!)

The guilt would snowball, as I then felt guilty for not accepting forgiveness and grace, for not moving on. And as evidenced by the list above, I felt guilt not only over actual sins, but lots of things that were really just my pride trying to sneak in the back door. A dirty bathroom is not a sin!

I spent a lot of time trying to get a handle on my out-of-control guilt. And finally, after months of wrestling, I had an epiphany:

I was despising the cross.

In the past, I’d associated that phrase with people who abused grace by continuing to live in sin (Romans 6:1-3), but my eyes were opened and I realized that to reject God’s grace for my sin was to say that Jesus’ death wasn’t enough.

Friends, if you are caught in this trap, let me tell you: Jesus’ death is enough! When He said “It is finished,” He meant everything that you have ever done, and everything that you will ever do. Believe Him. Accept the grace. Walk in forgiveness.

It is finished.

Photo credit: klavdijL via stock.xchng

Author information

Jeannie

Trying to follow the steps of my Savior. Living the dream as a stay-at-home mom. Completely in love with my handsome engineer husband.

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Guilt vs. Grace is by Jeannie from Kindred Grace.

It was my third year of facing infertility when I suddenly realized that Mother’s Day was coming and Oh, dear Lord, this might be an issue for me. 

I came upon the holiday with trepidation, wondering if this would be the year that I stopped being able to handle my lack of children. Yet, something in me rebelled at the thought of falling back into the pit of depression and fear that I had just managed to climb out of — and especially since it was just one day of the year!

So I begged God for a miracle.

Have you ever noticed that God is like solid arms of safety in the middle of life’s roughest storms?

Mother’s Day dawned bright and clear. I wore my longest and sparkly-est earrings, my highest heels, and a teal scarf that wrapped up and around my throat like a soft blanket of comfort.

I cried some.

But it was okay.

And when we were leaving church, walking across the parking lot, a car filled with the teenagers who had visited Haiti while we lived there came driving by.  A head stuck out the window, an arm waved gaily, and a voice echoed against the building behind us, “Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!!”

He was talking to me.

You know, the one who can’t bear children.

I had forgotten that they called us “Mom and Dad” when they were in Haiti, sharing a house with us. They didn’t forget. And while I doubt it ever entered the minds of those young men, they were God’s breath on my face that day.

Mother’s Day wasn’t just about everyone else, it was about me too. 

The next year it was my husband who caused me to usher in the holiday with joy. He bought me a Mother’s Day gift. A crazy, crazy gift that still makes us laugh.

A donkey.

Seriously.

This hilarious donkey (named, “Donkey”) who has a personality to beat the band.

I came home and saw something tied in my front yard. I started laughing and jumping up and down. In Haiti there are donkeys all over the place and I mentioned often that I missed them.

My husband smiled at my antics and said, “I know Mother’s Day has the potential to be hard. I think it should be fun.”

I rode Donkey that day and giggled until I fell off.

I think God was laughing too.

Last year I rejoiced in friendships on Mother’s Day. 

I had been writing more intentionally about facing infertility and as the holiday drew near, my mailbox began filling up. Cards and notes, some from women who I’ve never met in person, found prominent places on my fridge. My mother-in-law laughed, “You get more Mother’s Day cards than I do!”

Of course I do.

God and me, we have this deal: I choose to love Mother’s Day and He works miracles to make it beautiful.

Are you worried about Mother’s Day this year?

I invite you to ask God for a miracle.

Sometimes we have to ask to receive. So whisper the prayer (or shout it, depending on your mood. ) and then wait in anticipation, because God delights in working miracles.

For more inspiration on facing infertility, read 5 Things to Remember {when the doctor says you’ll never be a mom} 

Author information

Natasha Metzler

Natasha lives with her husband on a dairy farm in Northern New York. Her work has been published in numerous print publications and she is the author of the book, "Pain Redeemed". She is a broken, busted-up sinner redeemed by a gracious, loving God. She speaks Creole, names dairy cows, and captures simple beauty with a camera.

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learning to love Mother’s Day {while facing infertility} is by Natasha Metzler from Kindred Grace.

I was standing at the sink washing up the dishes when I heard my husband’s car pull up. It was 11 am and my heart dropped down to my toes.

There had been rumors. The aircraft company he worked for had lost contracts. A lot of contracts! The economy was bad everywhere, and it was finally catching up to our small town home. We’d all hoped that we’d make it through the winter and that things would be better in the spring. But there were only two reasons I could think of that my husband would come home that early. One, he’d hurt himself (not likely) or two, the worst had happened and the company had been forced to downsize dramatically. He didn’t have to say anything when he walked in the door. I knew that it had. His position was terminated, and more than a third of the entire company had been let go. My temporary job at the same company was terminated that same day. We were both officially and completely unemployed.

We’d been married just six months that day. Unemployment was a big weight to carry on our newlywed heads.   I tried to be brave. I tried to be positive and cheerful. I believed that we would be okay. I knew God would take care of us. Penny pinching wasn’t something new for either of us. We could get by on next to nothing. Something was bound to turn up before long. So each day, we hoped and prayed and applied for every job we could find.

My husband took the sudden loss of his job pretty hard. Scott loved his job. He loved his coworkers. We loved our little town, and we wanted to stay. But weeks slipped by into months and the sudden flood of unemployed in the area, coupled with less available jobs due to both the economy and location made it hard. Eventually, sooner rather than later, the tiny unemployment checks that covered our rent would end. And the burden of responsibility and discouragement of application after application with no glimmer of hope made that winter a very bleak one for both of us.

It was then, more than ever before, that I think I began to understand what it means to trust God in times when we don’t know what on earth is going to happen.

That long winter, we made plans and set our sights on a new home with new opportunities. We couldn’t have known (and I’m so thankful we didn’t!) that after a long, cross-country move, those promised opportunities would melt away a few months later. We couldn’t have known that this “temporary season of unemployment”  was actually the beginning of a long journey of two and a half years. We couldn’t have known that we’d be unemployed and without any means of steady income for most of that time. We couldn’t have known that the day would come when we didn’t have a penny to our name, and we weren’t sure where we’d get money to buy food, let alone pay our bills. We couldn’t have known how unemployment would crush dreams. I didn’t know how hard it would be to remain positive and calm and hopeful when every day felt like an endless cycle of trying to just make it.

God knew that we couldn’t have carried the weight of knowing all that at one time. He also knew how hard it would be every day. But more than a blissfully easy and simple first few years of marriage, He wanted to give us something even more beautiful and precious: a real life story of how God can make a way where there seems to be no way.

He wanted us to not just know, but to live each day tasting first hand how He provides for His own. He wanted unemployment to teach us to trust him in ways that even being humbly employed never could. He wanted to cut away at my own pride, and teach me that it was okay to be vulnerable and let others help us. He wanted to teach me that when my best is not enough, He always is. He wanted us to know how He answers prayers and moves the hearts of strangers to be His hands and feet.  He didn’t want us to worry about all the things we didn’t know, but to just trust Him with our today and let Him take care of tomorrow.

It wasn’t easy. We struggled and fought our way through it. It was exhausting and painful and discouraging. Some days, we felt so much courage. Other days we felt trapped in a tunnel that had no end.  But the fighting and the struggle? It was worth it. 

Because today, there’s still a lot that we don’t know. We’re not unemployed, but having a job doesn’t mean that things are automatically easy. We struggle sometimes, and worry about how we’re going to do this or pay that.  But there is one thing we know without a doubt now.  It’s that God is faithful and true. He does provide. Not what we want, or think we have to have. But exactly what we truly need. And that is enough for me.

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Chantel

Social Media Manager

An ordinary woman living an amazing ordinary life. Married to her best friend. Lover of simple, natural beauty, home cooking, barefoot days and beautiful words. She writes, loves, laughs a lot and is grateful for life, liberty and the opportunity to share stories of beauty out of ordinary broken pieces.

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times when we don’t know is by Chantel from Kindred Grace.

(Everly and her sister enjoying some Green&Black’s chocolate while wearing their Punjammies and reading The Better World Shopping Guide!)

There are many questions we must ask ourselves when making a purchase: Can I afford this? Do I really need/want it? Is it of good quality? There is one question, however, that many of us forget to ask ourselves: Would this purchase be a fair-trade?

“Fair Trade” is probably a term you’ve heard a few times lately. Before you write it off as a passing fad, let’s think about what it actually means. Fair-trade is exactly what it sounds like, a trade that is fair. When you were a kid, you probably traded things with your siblings, cousins or classmates. You may have even had rules. One candy bar equals two sheets of stickers. Five minutes on the tire swing equals half an apple. These were, in the terms of children, “fair” trades. Somewhere in there, I’d imagine, you also experienced an unfair trade. You never got your half of the apple, or you were called back into class before your turn on the tire swing or your sister got to go to the zoo with her class and you just got a babysitter. This is the kind of trade most common in today’s economy. The unfair trade.

If you look at the tags on your clothes or track the ingredients in your favorite foods, you’ll probably find that most of what we consume comes from countries other than the North America and Europe. Most of what Americans and Europeans purchase is produced elsewhere, and usually by the lower class, often under grim circumstances. When you find something for a really good deal at Target or Walmart, ask yourself who is paying for that item. It isn’t you. Surely your five dollars cannot pay for the yarn, cotton, dye and labor that went into that cute sweater. So who is paying for it? The store from which you purchased it? No. It’s the artisan who is paying. The artisan who is creating a product for little or no pay.

Perhaps you are wondering what this has to do with you or why Kindred Grace would care suddenly about the economy. Well, I am no economist, but I am a Christ-follower and the Bible is surprisingly outspoken about fair-trade. Take a look…

Proverbs 22:16 says,

“Whoever oppresses the poor to increase his own wealth, or gives to the rich, will only come to poverty.”

Proverbs 14:31:

“But whoever oppresses a poor man insults his Maker, but he who is generous to the needy honors Him.”

Colossians 4:1

“Masters, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a master in heaven.”

These are just a few of the verses we can find about oppressing the poor for our own advantage (such as a $5 T-shirt) and fair treatment of employees. The book of Amos is packed with fodder for this topic, including in chapter eight, verse six where it says that the rich “buy the needy for a pair of sandals.”

A desperate person will work for any amount of money or, as is the case for many around our world, for no monetary pay at all. Many people work as slaves today, paid only in food or shelter. As a matter of fact, there are more slaves today than in the times of the Bible, or of African slave trade to Europe and the United States, or any other time in history. Experts estimate approximately 27 million people are enslaved today.

You see, this issue is one of economy and politics, but the greater issue is spiritual. Are we, as Christ-followers, willing to honor God and obey Scripture, even if that means not buying the things we want? I have found it difficult to avoid buying items I know are supporting “unfair” trades or even slavery (such as Apple, Hershey’s etc.). I have found it nearly impossible to be 100% fair-trade in all my purchases. This is not an excuse to ignore the issue. Here are a few ways I’ve found to replace my unfair choices with fair ones and to be kind and generous and helpful to my brothers and sisters in the rest of the world.

1. When it comes to chocolate, get radical.

Chocolate is probably the #1 most documented unfair industry. Most of the chocolate companies you are familiar with (anything sold at general stores, most things sold at supermarkets) purchase at least some of their cocoa from farms on the Ivory Coast in Africa where child slavery runs rampant. These children are not part of the family business. Many of them are kidnapped from other African countries in order to be used as slaves on cocoa farms. There is a great series of videos about this particular issue here. Because of this great issue, I try to avoid all chocolate that is not fair-trade certified. (Note: if something is fair-trade, they will want you to know. Look for this emblem on your chocolates!) This in and of itself has been difficult! Sometimes I still buy a pie or order a latte and realize I’m probably eating chocolate that isn’t fair-trade, but for the most part, I’ve found alternatives.

So far, my very favorite fair-trade chocolate for those “need chocolate now” moments is Green&Black’s (their almond bar in particular!). Their chocolate bars are sold in ordinary grocery stores, usually in the organic section.

I get our cocoa powder from Frontier and am very happy with how our cookies, cakes and chocolate syrup taste fair-trade! We are only at the beginning of our fair-trade chocolate chip journey (looking for something we can buy locally), but have really enjoyed Sunspire chocolate chips already.

You will notice that fair-trade chocolate is quite a bit more expensive than ordinary chocolate. Think about it. You are actually paying the real cost of chocolate now instead of having a child pay with their childhood. Fair-trade isn’t expensive, it’s actual price. And another plus is, fair-trade is often organic and, in my opinion, tastier!

2. Think fair when giving gifts!

There is really no easier way to go fair-trade than in your gift-giving. A gift has special meaning when it goes to support a single mom in Haiti or a sex-slave rescue from Nepal. Besides, these gifts are handmade and completely unique. We can’t hope for a “fair” world if we don’t support the companies that are actually making this happen. Think about the individuals behind your next gift.

Haitian Creations is a place I couldn’t recommend more highly. Work is very hard to come by for women of Port-Au-Prince, Haiti. Many Haitians are forced to resort to becoming slaves (often called “restavecs“), beggars or prostitutes in order to buy food or pay rent. When you are a mom, especially a single mom, with no education, the future is even grimmer. Haitian Creations is a program which teaches women how to sew and bond (make jewelry) and gives them the option of selling through their online store. They create purses, diaper bags, jewelry and metal artwork. Their metal trees are my favorite!

Tiny Hands International is another amazing program. Tiny Hands’ main mission is to prevent human trafficking between the Nepalese and Indian boarder, to restore kidnapping victims to their families and to get ex-slaves back on their feet. Their work is really beautiful (you can read more about it here) as is the work of the girls who create and sell their handiwork through Tiny Hands online store. There you can find one-of-a-kind jewelry, fleeces, T-shirts, scarves and purses!

And if you ever want to give someone the gift of comfy new pajamas, look no further than Punjammies! These really beautiful pajamas are made by women who have escaped forced prostitution in India. When you buy a pair of Punjammies for you or as a gift, you are showing a woman in India that there is a better life for her and supporting her in her next step away from slavery. There’s really nothing so empowering to womankind than the option of reputable business.

3. Learn what to avoid, and commit to making small sacrifices

This might be the hardest part of giving your money to God. If you want to support fair trading, you have to accept the fact that much of what is available to us in the developed world supports dishonesty, unsafe working conditions and even slavery. You can learn more about “must-to-avoids” in books like The Better World Shopping Guide and online research. Also remember that, though it does not support the fair-trade stores like I listed above, it’s always better to shop locally and buy products made in the U.S.A. (or another developed country) than to buy from a company you know to be oppressive, such as these 5 Giant Companies Who Use Slave Labor.

As you start your fair-trade journey, remember that you are doing this to honor our Maker (Proverbs 14:31) and that any kind deed you do to another, you are doing to Christ. The sacrifices you make will seem great at first, but will wilt in view of your many blessings. It is worth it to pay the actual price in order to not oppress one of God’s children. It is worth it to educate yourself about where your money is actually going. It is worth it to be fair.

(Find more helpful scripture verses here.)

Author information

Everly Pleasant

writer at Clickety-Clack

Everly is a 20-something from Texas with a heart for encouraging her own generation to seek wisdom while they're young. She comes from a multi-cultural family of ten and loves books, art, letters and chocolate milk. She is currently writing her first book, for which she is seeking publication, and keeping up with her personal blog, at everlypleasant.com

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live kindly is by Everly Pleasant from Kindred Grace.

Cold, bare ground. That doesn’t sound like much, does it? Stark. Uninviting. Barren of life.

The Bible compares our hearts to soil. This seems to be a very precise comparison sometimes. In hard times, my soul feels like that dark, grimy wasteland. My mind is like a hard-packed clod of muck.

We don’t see like God sees, though. Humans have limited eyesight. It takes faith to see the potential in things, and remaining in doubt is much less easier than living in faith.

Isn’t that an interesting comparison? The Bible compares faith to mustard seeds, doesn’t it?

So now we have cold, bare ground, and a teeny tiny seed of faith.

Are you starting to see the potential God sees? No? Not yet?

Give it time, beloved. Water your heart with the Word. Allow your tears to fall during prayer. Let the Sun shine on you. Lift up your head, your redemption draws nigh.

Oh, look! Do you see the little blades of green? They are poking their little heads up out of the dirt! Tender, tender shoots of hope — how beautiful they are!

Don’t crush them. Nurture them. Allow them to grow. Allow them to bear forth fruit. The wind will come, the birds will come, in some places (this year) the snow will come! But, by God’s grace, spring will show itself soon. And then there will be beautiful blooms.

Our journey doesn’t stop there though. No matter how much we wish it could. Life is a cycle. The seasons show it. Creation declares the glory of God.

After spring comes summer, after summer comes autumn. The time for sacrifice has returned. Flowers fade. Petals wither up and die. Ugly, dark seedpods are left. Then the wind scatters everything abroad.

Oh no! We are left with bare ground again, bare ground strewn with the remnants of what used-to-be-beautiful! We cry. God smiles.

Why does God smile? He smiles because He is holding each of our little seeds in His hand. He chooses where each tiny sacrifice falls to the ground. When the freezing, difficult winter passes, spring will come again, and a bountiful harvest will rise up. The cycle will start afresh, and we will all be stronger, wiser, and more beautiful.

He promises it.

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Jessiqua Wittman

author at Memoir of Life

Jessiqua Wittman is a child of God, a happy wife and mother, and an author of gritty fiction novels.

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Potential is by Jessiqua Wittman from Kindred Grace.