Kingdom Twindom

What the Fuss Was About

2010-07-28T22:43:00.002-07:00

Somewhere around a year ago, we began using a creative form of reward and discipline (something God showed me while I was doing the dishes) that has been part of our family's life, in one form or another, ever since. We're a spanking and time-out household. Strong-willed hissy fits are our main behavioral issue (I have five, count them, five strong-willed children and I am claiming that will for the Kingdom), and so time-outs are an almost continual happening (because I absolutely refuse to reason with an unreasonable child). I've found that after ten minutes or so in time-out they are pretty much begging for forgiveness and are willing to accept whatever consequence is warranted for their initial (pre-fit) behavior. And, sometimes, the consequence for that behavior is the loss of one (or more) of their most prized possessions.

The currency of the Valente household....

....the ticket.

"Mama, Tiny Dancer hit me!"

"Cuddle Bug, forgive your sister. Tiny Dancer, you owe your sister a ticket and an apology."

And that's not just an example I pulled out of a hat, I'm pretty sure I said that today. If Bay Bit breaks something of Lil Prince's, she has to pay him in tickets. If Lil Prince doesn't come the first time I call him, while I am busy in the kitchen, elbow deep in chicken, I might (and do often) start counting, "One ticket...two tickets...three tickets..," and you can bet he will book it down the stairs.

That, in short, is how they lose tickets.

Here's how they earn them....

(Quiet time, happiness, obedience, brushing teeth, brushing hair, making bed, getting dressed, doing homework, taking/picking up trash, cleaning table, picking up toys, doing dishes and folding laundry.)

At the close of every day I sit under this chart with each child and go through the sections carefully, letting them help me decide how many stars (which are immediately redeemed for tickets) they should receive. They can earn up to two stars for obedience, happiness, brushing teeth and brushing hair. For everything else, one star is the limit, and they always get one allowance ticket that is completely unearned and cannot be lost. In addition to the chart time, I will also reward extraordinary behavior, throughout the day, with a ticket or two.

And each child has a pocket like this one, at the front of his or her notebook, where they store and save their tickets.

When we first began the ticket system, we felt the need to have a stocked "store" and to keep it open at all times. Even though we were only stocking with candy and chapstick, though, it quickly became more than we could handle financially, and our children weren't inspired to save beyond the immediate gratification fulfilled by candy.

After about six months of evolution, we have ended up with a system that works perfectly with our tight budget and our children's currency. And you saw the result of that this morning! We do occasionally pick up a trinket, or a bag of candy, and offer that at a lower price (sometimes they bite, sometimes they don't), but we also have three big ticket items that have caused quite a stir with our kids.

30 tickets = a late night alone with Mom and Dad

50 tickets = a happy meal at McDonald's (we eat fast food about once a month, but we never splurge for the Happy Meal), or a lunch date with Mom or Dad.

100 tickets = king or queen for a day!

Today, and we're all super proud of him because he was the first to save to one-hundred (his sisters are fast on his heels), Lil Prince was our king.

He didn't do a single chore all day (paid time-off, of course), he ordered German Pancakes for his breakfast in bed and chocolate cake for his special dessert. His wish was pretty much our command throughout the day, and he even stayed up a little later than his sisters to play video games with Dad. His sisters were happy to oblige him, thrilled to honor his achievement (a hugging party actually ensured when he traded in his one-hundred tickets and picked a calendar day for his pampering).

Basically, he was spoiled rotten...something we don't get to do much of around here.

And that, my friends, is my best explanation of our ticket system and documented proof of the first ever "Lil Prince Day" (of which I'm sure there will be many more)!

It was your day, sweet boy. And you earned it!!

8:34 - 8:50 AM

2010-07-28T08:49:00.000-07:00

8 AM

2010-07-28T07:28:00.000-07:00

I'm on my way upstairs to crown a very special little man...

It Was the Most Beautiful Dress

2010-07-27T17:51:00.001-07:00

Despite the wrinkles, because it's been crumpled in a giveaway bag for months now, this is still the most beautiful dress in the world. Somewhere out there are pictures of me actually wearing it. There won't be any of those today, though. It makes a prettier dress than it does a sausage casing. I guess I've saved it hoping that it might once again fit. Ahem. But I announced to Papa Bear last night, "If and when it fits, where, oh where will I wear it?!" And, so, it is going to be material for a very special project in about 5.3 seconds.

Check back tomorrow for the hopefully fabulous results!

Who's Rough and Tumble and Pink and Flowers All Over?

2010-07-27T08:31:00.001-07:00

Yep, that's my girl:)

Expert Answers - Series 1 Question 2

2010-07-27T00:08:00.003-07:00

You asked -

"I pray and pray for this answer. Maybe I can get some insight here (:

I do believe in spanking (however, not in anger, of course) and I also have tried other things as well. I would LOVE to hear someone's success story on discipline. Mine are 3 and 4.5. I am BIG on being consistent but I have a very hard time figuring out what type of discipline to use for what offense. Talking back doesn't seem to deserve the same punishment as hitting/pushing/biting (or does it?) I just want someone to TELL me what to do and when...lol. I am so worried that I will mess up and either not do enough or do the wrong type at the wrong time.

HELLLLLP!

(: Thanks in advance!"

Rachel answered -

I totally get where you are coming from. I feel like God gave me a guideline that has really helped me, though:

As parents, we are to help our kids know the Lord and follow what He tells us in His word. When it comes to kids God keeps it very simple. There are only two things He tells them to do (Ephesians 6:1-2):

#1 Children and to OBEY their parents.
#2 Children are to HONOR their parents

God calls Christian parents to "chasten" their children when they don't obey what He has told them to do (honor and obey their parents). The guideline my husband and I try to follow in our home is this: if our kids dishonor or disobey us then they get spanked. And the majority of our discipline falls into this category.

If their offense falls into another category it requires a consequence of another sort. This guideline makes discipline clear for ourselves and our kids. So, to answer your question, in our home back-talking gets a spanking because it is dishonoring (rule #2). "No biting" is a rule in our home so the appropriate consequence for biting is the one for disobedience (rule #1), which is also a spanking. In both of these cases they haven't done what God told them to do, and the consequence is clear.

As far as hitting and pushing go, these have always been gray areas for me because I've not wanted to make a hard and fast rule about them. Why? Because I have three boys who love to wrestle! When one of my kids comes to me complaining about another sibling pushing them (and they weren't wrestling), the offender gets a consequence (which is usually a certain number of minutes alone on his bed).

It's great that you are big on being consistent! That's huge in being a successful parent. God is always consistent with us and He's our greatest example.

I hope this will be a help to you. Keep up the great work!:)

Keep knocking 'em out of the park, Rachel. We'll be back soon!

Expert Answers - Series 1 Question 1

2010-07-26T14:06:00.006-07:00

Our first parenting expert is my good friend Rachel. I have chosen her as my peer parenting expert, because, well, she is the mother of four of the most precious, godly children that I know. You may not agree with everything she has to say, but it's hard to argue with results!:) Rachel has been married for fifteen years and has three boys (ages 7-10) and one preteen girl.

You asked -

"Ok, I'm having trouble with discipline- how to discipline one child (usually my son) in public without ruining it for the rest of the kids. I would like to just pick up and leave when he is acting up, but when the girls are being so good, I feel bad."

Rachel answered -

The youngest of my four children is seven now, but when they were all smaller we worked a lot of behavior. We worked on it at home where it was easier for me to focus and correct. Then, when we would go out, we would talk about behavior on the way to our destination. I reminded them about hanging onto the basket, no touching things, good manners and especially obeying quickly. I also warned about spanking and leaving early if their behavior required it. I only had to actually leave a place, or cut a trip short, a handful of times before they understood that good behavior is not only required but is a very serious thing.

Try to remember that it's great to have fun, but when one child is needing discipline, that's more important. Just like scripture talks about the Body, a family can be looked at as a mini-picture of the Body. I Corinthians 12:26 says when one member suffers, all the members suffer with it. Instead of the 'every man for himself' concept, siblings should be learning to work together, helping and encouraging each other to do right. They need to learn that their behavior affects all the family (a great lesson to get down before they're teens). :)

Kids need to understand the concept of unity. As a family we go through ups and downs together. A family is to be united in good times and helpful when one member is walking through the bad.

So, if you have to leave a place because your son is needing discipline, don't feel badly. You can still reward the girls' good behavior (maybe with a treat or activity at home). This way they learn the benefits of doing right, but they also see the way they affect each other's lives through their good and bad decisions/behavior.

And you, as mom, set an example of what's important. The goal is for everyone to have great behavior and fun together as a family!

Thanks, Rachel! Stayed tuned for more, y'all!

Grandma's Nine

2010-07-25T15:03:00.001-07:00

Cousins Climbing Trees

2010-07-24T23:08:00.000-07:00

It just doesn't get much better than that.

The Lord is My Shepherd, I Shall Not Want

2010-07-23T12:41:00.003-07:00

I have exactly sixteen minutes of down time before the next round of feeding, changing and cooking begins. Yes, I do have eight five and under today (plus one ten year old), but that's really not so many....not when five of them are your own. I wanted to give this post a little more time than sixteen (now fifteen) minutes, but I guess this will have to do.

Last weekend I "caught" Cuddle Bug praising God in her sleep. And no, it was about two in the morning and I didn't think to get it on camera! But she was lying there, sound asleep, with her hand raised and waving slowly. I had to clench my heart with my hand to keep it from leaping to my death. She also did that last week at the dinner table when her favorite worship song started playing. I think she might have gone to heaven for three or four minutes. All I know is she closed her eyes and lifted her hands and none of us mattered anymore. Have I mentioned lately that I love that girl?!

Tiny Dancer has always been a worshiper, too. And lately she's been asking questions about how to become a Christian. I haven't wanted to force the issue while my kids are still so young. But I began my walk with the Lord at four years old, so I definitely don't think they are too young. I also don't think that Christianity necessarily begins with a "sinner's prayer," but I do think it's nice to have a day, set aside, as a milestone...a "from today on I will follow Jesus" day, if you will.

While she doesn't yet have that day, she has certainly been acting like a new Christian. And that's good and bad, in my experience with new believers. There is one particular attitude that I like to call New Christian Disease. And, by golly (and because she is my daughter), she is really struggling with this. Basically, New Christian Disease is my term for a clear view of sin without a firm grasp of the love of God. The flesh is suddenly disgusting, and the "plank and the speck" analogy strongly applies. Maybe I should just call it Christian Disease. But it's almost always present in brand new, on fire, believers...even five year old ones, I guess.

Yesterday, one of her very best friends was here (she's here again today). Tiny Dancer always struggles when she's here because, sadly, I have a somewhat materialistic daughter who is admittedly green with envy over everything this little girl has. It doesn't help matters that her friend has noticed this weakness and will often taunt and threaten her with lines like, "I won't buy you anything for your birthday if you don't play my game". Still, this is our home, our rules, and this conflict is my fault. So Tiny Dancer and I have weekly talks about birthdays (we do buy our kids birthday presents, I just have to remind them to keep the wishlist short) and Christmas and no holiday presents and just stuff in general. One look at her Compassion brother and she's ready to give away everything she owns. I hear her, almost daily, reminding herself that "Jesus is important, people are important, stuff is not important!" It's become her mantra, and I know that life, and, more importantly, eternal life, will be that much more glorious for her if that truth threads through and around her sweet heart.

Yesterday, though, we hit a bump in our learning road. A bump very similar to when I was her age and told all of my cousins that Santa wasn't real. I think I might have induced actual tears with, "If he's real, why is he driving a car?!" Let your kids play with my kids at your own risk! Yesterday I heard wailing from upstairs. It was Tiny Dancer and not her friend, thank goodness. But when I yelled upstairs to ask her what was wrong, I had to laugh and cringe at her plank-filled response.

"Mama, I'm tryyyyying to tell them about God, but nobody will listen! I tooooooold them that God is the most important, but they still want their stupid pink stuff!"

"Oh, Lord, it's New Christian Disease," I muttered under my breath, and then I called her downstairs to talk. I bundled her in my lap and smiled, "Sweetie, is that how Jesus talks to you?"

She shook her head slowly and sighed, "But Mama, they think stuff is important and it's not!!"

"You're right. But you know what? You think it's pretty important, too. And do you want to know a really big secret?" She looked up intently and I continued, "Sometimes I think it's important, too."

"You do?!" she marveled, and then she dropped her head again, "How do I stop wanting stuff?"

"Well, Baby, you just start wanting Jesus. And you trust in His love for you...that He will give you everything that you need." And then I whispered softly in her ear, "and sometimes, He'll even give you that unimportant stuff that you want....just because He loves you so much."

She smiled and said, "He will?!"

"Yep, sometimes He will. Right now, though, you need to go do some apologizing."

And she jumped from my lap and headed upstairs. I wish I could say that the plank was gone (and from me too), but at least she'll be leaving the speck alone.

If...

2010-07-23T07:38:00.000-07:00

I have a pretty awful but still kinda funny story that I want to tell. But if you don't hear from me today, here's why.

It's 1:49 AM, and I Love the Rain

2010-07-22T01:25:00.003-07:00

It's the middle of the night and I've just spent the last five minutes wandering around in the dark looking for a plug [Read: outlet. I always call it the wrong thing]. My battery life reads, "42 minutes remaining" and I somehow think that's not enough time. I'm a lunatic. But the good kind, I hope. One of the crazy for Jesus, I guess. I couldn't find a plug because I'm not at home. I'm at what was suppose to be an all night prayer meeting at my church [building], but it's not even two and I'm the only one still awake. And I'm obviously not currently praying. It was an awesome time, though, even if we're not yet mature enough to "sit ye here".

At one point we were praying over one of my favorite people and God showed me a picture of her with her chest wide open and prepped for surgery. She was awake and she held the needle and thread and was attempting to suture her own broken and bleeding heart. It was a gory, awful mess. But God also showed me that, although she hadn't noticed, His hand was right there holding a brand new perfect heart ready to be exchanged for the one she was mending. It was so beautiful, and obviously not just a picture for my friend but something that we all need to grab hold of....

I cannot fix me.

I cannot fix my spouse.

I cannot fix my children.

But God can. And not only that, God is aching to do just that.

We began experiencing a freedom tonight that, I think, we've been lacking for months. But we tasted it again, and I do not want to go back to the boring, yuck life I've been steadily creeping back toward. Oh, Lord, how does that always happen! What an Israelite I am! It began to pour as we prayed, and another friend turned to me and said, "Don't you say that rain is the Holy Spirit?" I nodded and smiled; and it's true, I do say that a lot. I can smell the rain coming and I long, "Come, Holy Spirit!" And when it begins to pour I want to run through it and stand in it like a child. I want it streaming like tears down my face, washing me clean and reviving my soul.

So, tonight, as worship music inspired us and the Holy Spirit freed us, I grabbed a hand and said, "Come on, let's go get rebaptized!" We darted into the rain like children and danced under cool and gentle drops of the grace of God. And yes, it was every bit as glorious as it sounds.

I'm dry now, but my spirit no longer is. I am tired, though, so I guess I'll go curl up on the floor next to my sleeping babes, and I'll pray that the rain falls steadily through the night.

Kingdom Twindom: Making Peanut Butter Fun Since 2006

2010-07-21T12:27:00.002-07:00

Transform an individual, Transform a Nation

2010-07-19T22:16:00.000-07:00

Transform an Individual, Transform a Nation.

That's the tag line of the first ministry that reached out and slapped me in the face this past weekend. I was probably in my late teens or early twenties before I ever heard the phrase, "human trafficking". I think I shook my head violently a few times until all of the horrific images were forced through my ears; and then I guess I went, somehow, on my merry way. And can you blame me? It's too awful to think about, isn't it? To be perfectly honest, I know women personally who are in situations that make God cry. And I have been one of those women. But I've never even touched on, never even tasted, the kind of pain that is enveloping women and children every day in all the far reaching corners of this lost, dying world.

I hear the world groaning as it turns.

Slowly,

Still alluding some who strain to grasp.

I hear the world groaning,

Do I groan?

Should I mourn for its cadenced rotation?

I cannot stop the world,

Hasten it, or slow it down.

My heart could burst in this anguish,

Yet, would anything change?

I must numb myself to the screeching.

I must close my ears to the moan.

I would run if I knew where to run to.

This sound will not leave my head.

I cannot be bothered with this matter.

It is no longer relevant to me.

I must bury my head from the groaning.

Mustn’t I?

When I'm overwhelmed with the pain of it all, I have a tendency to shut down. What can I actually do, anyway? But the truth of the matter is that I'm one of the few who can help. I'm free. I'm rich. I have a husband who will jump in and swim with me in anything that stirs my soul. I'm blessed beyond measure and the same God who desires those things for me desires them for every last one of His precious children.

I certainly have nothing to shut down about. And I have every reason to answer the call and go...help...preach...do. Maybe that's why I'm so inspired when I see the ones in the place of most suffering raising their heads and hands and doing for themselves.

The Bible teaches that in this life we will have trouble; but, you know what, Jesus wasn't really talking to people like me. I mean, of course He was, but He was speaking directly to people who actually believed Him when He asked them to turn the other cheek (instead of filing law suits). He was speaking to those who would literally embrace death for the cause of His glory. He was speaking to people who knew the difference between God and a magician. They knew, in advance, that God was not simply going to pluck them out of their pain. They knew that God was preparing for them their real home, and that they only had to wait it out here a little while. And they knew what it meant to wait it out for the Kingdom.

Right now, that's what a group of Cambodian women are doing. Their ministry is one of redemption:

"Sak Saum endeavors to rescue, restore and rehabilitate vulnerable and exploited Cambodian women. As part of this process, Sak Saum makes and sells [meaning that women who were trapped in or endanger of being trapped in sex trafficking now have this amazing new job!] assorted bags, household items, scarves, jewelry and more. Your purchase helps provide hope and healing as well as takes a stand against the injustice of human trafficking."

That's the description on the back of their card, but it doesn't even touch on what you will feel when you hold one of their incredible handmade items in your hand.

To see the entire 2010 Sak Saum collection, please click here. You will be overwhelmed by the beauty of their products as well as their message of hope that is intricately stitched into everything that they do.

To place an order, click here.

For more information on product, hosting a Sak Saum home sale or supporting Sak Saum, contact saksaum@ihsionline.org or visit ihsionline.org.

Thank you, from the bottom of this American woman's heart.

Desperation 2010

2010-07-19T12:57:00.003-07:00

Almost exactly seven years ago, either a few days before or a few days after we were married, Papa Bear and I stopped at a Friday night church service in route from Red River to Denver. It, the service, was the college and twenty-somethings meeting at New Life Church in Colorado Springs, and I’d been there quite a few times before. There had always, in my experience, been a large turn-out, but that night the house was packed. Lou Engle spoke; we sat on the floor and listened…convicted, of course, I don’t think apathy is possible in the presence of that much intensity. I also remember laughing until I cried. We eventually realized that we had stumbled upon the second night of a conference instead of the regular Friday night meeting. We were already, at that time, three to ten years older than most of the people in the room. Still, we were so impacted by what we saw and heard that night that we planned, in advance, to attend the entire conference that following year after Papa Bear returned from Afghanistan.

As planned, we did make it to the next Desperation conference. And even though his life fell apart, rapidly, just weeks later (Papa Bear talks about that here), Papa Bear still credits that weekend in two-thousand and four as being his true initiation into the epic battle that is the Christian walk. And then, two years later, we attended the two-thousand and six conference just days after Papa Bear asked (after our two month separation) to come back home. So, yeah, it's a very special weekend to us, and one that we look very forward to sharing with our kids just a few short years from now. Until then, we'll be there as the old people without a youth group. And I can jump and dance like a teenager (but I'm pretty sure none of them are simultaneously doing Kagels to keep from peeing all over the floor). As a Christian, it's a weekend filled with heaven echoing worship and solid, inspiring teaching. As a Christian parent who could not care less about her children accomplishing anything that doesn't further the Kingdom of God, it's a weekend full of hope for the next generation.

I want to share absolutely every moment of revelation and every LOL funny moment, but I know that's not practical or even possible. Instead, I'll hope that the really good things I've just absorbed will somehow seep through my fingers, slowly, as they take permanent hold of my life. I do want to tell you about three specific ministries, though, in hopes that you'll find one that resonates with you. Please be sure and check back today and tomorrow; I think each one deserves its own post.

Wow. Does Anyone Have Another Weekend Lying Around?

2010-07-17T23:41:00.000-07:00

After a truly great weekend I'm always looking for one thing...another weekend. It'd be nice if vacations, even mini weekend ones, were restful. But as unrestful as this weekend was physically, it was ice-water-with-lemon to my soul. And I can always sleep when I'm dead, right? Ummm...wrong. I think I'll be a little busy worshiping an endless and massive God. Anyway, my point is that sleep, this weekend anyway, didn't make the priority list. And I still think I chose wisely.

I'm looking at my notes from the weekend and I can't decide what to write about first. Maybe tomorrow night, once I've slept some, I'll know what I want to say.

I'm Writing This Post at Two in the Morning...

2010-07-17T01:25:00.001-07:00

....so don't expect too much, OK.

It's actually not unusual for me to be writing a post at two in the morning. Still, this was an unusual night. Unusually fun, which is the only departure from the norm that I enjoy.

We're in Colorado Springs attending a conference (Thanks again for the tickets, Rach!) while my parents watch the kids. And that would be enough fun right there. But I really miss my kiddos when I'm away from them all day, so I promised to take them with us to the late night Jared Anderson concert (Yes, we actually do like a few other musicians...even if they rarely make it into a blog post. Ha.) if they were extra good for their grandma all day. Now, I'm sure Grandma did some lying, but she said they were good. Then Papa Bear and I threw in a bonus offer and said that if they acted right at the concert we'd take them to IHOP for pancakes after the show!

And that's how we ended up eating pancakes at one in the morning with two five year olds, two almost four year olds and a sixteen month old baby.

And it was fun, fun, fun, fun, fun...definitely a night to remember! Plus, Papa Bear wasn't sure how they'd do, and I said they'd be great. So, that's one point in my column that just might make up for a recent late night (but not nearly this late at night) walk fiasco.

If You Missed the Chat...

2010-07-14T23:48:00.001-07:00

Never fear. I decide to host it in our BlogFrog community so it would be there long after tonight. I thought about getting fancy and web-camming it up, but that would mean viewers being glued to their computers for an hour or more, and I just didn't think that was practical. Let us know if you'd like to see changes in the format for next time, though, we're very much open to suggestions. And, ummm, I'll really try to get the time right next time. Papa Bear says I should blame it all on him, but it was both our faults for not knowing how many time zones there are in our own country. He's taking classes online, and he had to make a seminar at 11 PM ET. Yeah, that's 9 PM MST, the same time I had scheduled our chat!

Anyhoo, thanks ever so much to those of you who showed. I thought it was a perfectly sized little group; still, I'm hoping that more of you will join us next time. Tell the truth, though, how many of you were there...lurking in the virtual shadows? I guess I'll never know the answer to that.

We briefly touched on some practical things like, for example, "How do I stop looking at porn?"

Ummm, yeah, great question! I think I'm going to ~~nag~~ ask Papa Bear to write a whole post on this. Tonight, though, this is what he had to say:

We were also asked what blocker/accountability software we'd recommend; and, for us, that's an easy one!

Yes, we absolutely will make a little money if you purchase through this link. That is not, however, why we recommend XXXchurch and their products. And if you're interested in a fantastic, free accountability software (which is what we are currently using), just click the X3Watch link at the top of the X3Pure page.

I just loved how y'all jumped right in and answered each other's questions! What a blessing! And what a great group of wives (with a husband or two thrown in). Should we have a wives only or a husbands only chat at some point? Let me know if that would be helpful at all. At any rate, it was a fun evening for us, even with the confusion, and I hope it blessed y'all at least half as much as it blessed us. We can't wait to do it again!

_____________________________________________

What did we do after our late night chat? Well, we fed Lillard the Salamander, of course! Check it out if you're not squeamish. Your little boys (and girls who are like my girls) will love this one!:)

christian man struggling with porn, sex after adultery, redeemed marriage, sex addiction struggle, marriage after adultery

I Didn't Even Know I Wanted to Learn!

2010-07-14T12:09:00.001-07:00

It's quite possible that my little brother will be less than pleased to be turning up in another blog post...and so soon. But as a blogger I feel strongly that it would be a serious crime to not blog something this funny.

Ahem.

Sorry, bro.

For a few days last week our couch had the privilege of hosting my baby bro. We're night owls around here, so he'd usually fall asleep to the glow of a television or a laptop or the swish of the dishwasher or washing machine. I offered him the couch in the kids room (since they'd be out for hours by the time he was ready for bed), but he seemed to prefer the bustle. On Sunday night I took the kids to church alone and came home refreshed and exhausted. Papa Bear has recently started working toward a degree in Criminal Justice. He's taking his courses online, pushing my blogging time to an even more ungodly hour. So, after getting the kids to bed, and Papa Bear too, for that matter, I put an egg mask on my face and I headed into the darkness (guided by the LCD glow) to take a peek at my Facebook and a crack at a coherent blog post.

As I stealthy pecked at my keyboard and attempted to sip hot coffee through my rapidly tightening mouth, my bro jumped from a reclining to a standing position after having been asleep for over an hour. "Are you alright?" I mumbled through tensed lips, trying hard not to crack my mask. His eyes grew wide but he didn't answer. I thought that waking to a shiny, orange face might be scary, but I didn't want to try and explain.

He walked toward me, slowly, cautiously, and with every step his eyes grew a little bit wider. He stopped directly in front of me and then leaned forward like he wanted to see the screen. He still hadn't said a word, but I assumed that he wanted to see the clock on my laptop; it was too dark to see the clock on the wall. As I tilted the screen his way, he looked puzzled. "Let me see your hand," he ordered sternly. I was confused, but I quickly obeyed.

He posed my hand, horizontally, in mid air and in the light from my laptop. Then he looked at it intently while I looked at him with confusion through squinted eyes. "Are you....are you awake?" I muttered cautiously

He ignored my question but responded with frustration as he looked at my apparently disfigured hand, "I can't teach you how to play!" he said.

"Huh?"

And as he walked back to the couch he repeated, "I can't teach you how to play. I can't teach you how to play any more than I can teach you how not to play." And then he sighed heavily and fell back to sleep.

I rushed up the stairs to put a hot rag on my face. I have to dissolve this mask before I erupt! And then I saw Papa Bear, heading to the bathroom, on my way. I splashed and I scrubbed as I stomped my feet with laughter. "What happened?!" Papa Bear asked, already chuckling because my silliness was contagious.

And as I washed the last bit of mask down the drain, I burst, "Did you know my brother walked in his sleep?!"

The Good News is: Satan Hates Your Marriage and Will Eat It Alive if You Let Him

2010-07-14T10:26:00.002-07:00

**I've moved this to the top to remind everyone of tonight's 8 PM MST chat! Yes, that is a change from our previously announced time. I hope it will not be inconvenient!**

If you're looking for better news, I've got that too*.

*Check out the guest post that I wrote last week.

On a related note, we've finally nailed down a time/date for our first BlogFrog marriage chat! We'll be "talking" about sex addiction and pornography, marriage in the midst, marriage after adultery and all other related topics this Wednesday night (July 14th @ 8 PM MST). We hope you'll join us, or refer others who might be blessed, for what we believe will be a God honoring discussion of some very hard topics. If that time is inconvenient for you, don't worry. As long as you are a BlogFrog member (see our left-hand sidebar), you can post to the discussion anytime after Tuesday @ midnight. I'll also be live Tweeting the discussion (and I'd love your help with that!), hashtag #marriagechat.

See you Wednesday (and , of course, before)! Have a wonderful weekend!

Un-Crumpling

2010-07-13T18:57:00.002-07:00

Alternately titled: I Want to Be a Real Duck, Not an Origami Imitation

I've just finished a conversation that, for lack of a better word, has left me feeling crumpled. That's my new emotion word, crumpled, because as a godly man prayed over me last month, he stepped back and remarked sadly, "Someone said something that crumpled you like a piece of paper." As he spoke he made motions like he was removing that paper from the trash and smoothing the wrinkles. Of course, I cried. Who am I kidding? Y'all know I cried. I've been thinking about that statement ever since. And it's not that I'm trying to decide who crumpled me. Many people, from family members to anonymous blog readers, have said things that could be taken as crumpling. What I want to know, though, is how to let what isn't from God roll quickly off my back. Up till now, unfortunately, those are the things that have seemed to sink the deepest, and I have got to learn how to be a duck.

I once heard that it takes approximately one hundred compliments to negate one insult. I think that's sad, and a little pathetic, but I know it's been true in my life. People are so sweet to me, too sweet, in fact, like I'm a saint or a china doll. But I'm not a saint, and every compliment is received with trepidation knowing that it's going to devastate me when they say, "Oh, never mind, I take it all back." And I'm left crumpled more tightly than before.

Today I was accused of weaknesses (some real and some not) in a way that scathed me deeply. I'm sorry to vomit this on you here, but I really need to sort the truth from the lies in my own mind, and this is the best way I know how to do that. See, I wouldn't say that I don't struggle with pride (or the other issues that were brought up, for that matter). In fact, every time I feel I have heard from the Holy Spirit, I struggle. If I share this and it blesses someone, will I take that too much to heart? I am ever pondering the disbandment of this blog for that very same reason. But wouldn't it be the greater sin to not share, to not blog, to not speak? So, I continue on this journey in the best way I know how, asking God to protect me from, and chip away, the pride that comes fairly naturally with praise. But I have another struggle, too, and one that might be even more dangerous to my spiritual life than pride. Am I the only one, I wonder, who bounces between pride and self-loathing?

For the past few years I have retired nightly with thoughts (at least before spending time in prayer) of defeat and disappointment, not in others, usually, and very rarely in my situation, but always in myself. Whether I yelled at my children or nagged my husband or was caught up in pride...whether my to-do list remained untouched or my voicemail remained unchecked...whether bills went unpaid or e-mails went unwritten. Whatever the day, whatever the self-imposed expectation, I will, without a doubt, fall short. And it doesn't feel like a "we all sin and fall short" moment. It feels very personal to me. Maybe the root of that is pride, I don't know. Because what it feels like to me is not that I desire to be better than anyone else, but that I just want to keep up. And I want to succeed in what I believe God has given me to do.

I have about a million miles to go in my spiritual walk. I know that. I don't share my life because I think I have some kind of corner on the truth. I do write things that I believe God has taught and told me, but that certainly doesn't mean that I'm right. If you think I'm wrong, I'll listen. As a favor to me, though, try to exhort more than you crumple. But since there will always be those who crumple, I'm setting out to feather my back.

Brothers Make Good Teachers

2010-07-12T09:27:00.000-07:00

Remember this?

Well, now we have this...

The littlest ninja. Haha.

Ask An Expert

2010-07-09T00:16:00.001-07:00

No, not me; I'm not an expert at much. I'm a wannabe organizational genius, a decent violinist, a good wife, a sometimes fantastic but other times disastrous parent. I do make amazing pizza and some of the best dinner rolls around. I'd pit my English grammar skills against most people's; still, I can't manage to successfully edit my own work until it's at least two days cold. Truly, probably the only thing I've achieved expert status in is the art of apology. I need to and do repent a lot. So, if you need any help there, I'm your girl.

I know some really smart people, though. You hear from many of them every time you sit down to read this blog (cause they taught me just about everything I know). But I thought, from time-to-time, you might actually like to hear from them. I've gathered (ahem, coerced) three extremely bright and godly women who have agreed to share with us on the topic of parenting. Before they start to write, however, they'd like to hear from you. So, if you could sit down with a parenting expert and ask her anything (anything at all), what, pray tell, would that be?

I Call Them Molasses Energy Bars

2010-07-08T12:50:00.000-07:00

Cuddle Bug calls them Ballerina Cookies.

Bedtime

2010-07-07T21:58:00.001-07:00

I just finished singing and praying my kiddos to sleep. I sang a little Rock-a-Bye-Baby, of course, but their favorite songs are from the Psalms. Papa Bear is gone for the evening, and now the house is almost too quiet to work in (or maybe my brain is overly conditioned to noise). It was a good bedtime; bedtime in general has been a good, lately. I supposed I finally got mad at the Devil for working overtime to steal all peace from my favorite time of day. So even though, at first, I felt like a little bit of a pushover, I've recently become much more involved in my children's actual falling to sleep process.

We've always tucked our children in and prayed with them at bedtime. But because we started our parenting journey as Baby Wise parents (less so with our singleton, but we still very much believe in schedules for infants), we've shied away from remaining until the snores.

But tired of running up and down stairs, yelling up and down stairs and then finally flopping down next to Papa Bear with that heavy sigh that says, "Never mind, now I'm ready for bed," I decided to see how much time and energy it would take/save to actually stay with them* until they were sleeping.

*Our older kids are all in the same room, which I would do even if we had ten extra bedrooms.

It'd been a rough day, that first night I tried it*, and I sprawled over the queen-sized bed and battled demons, quietly, until the yawns grew large. Then I prayed over the dreams they were currently having before sneaking out of the room. When I reached the bottom of the stairs and saw the clock in the kitchen, I realized I had spent about thirty five minutes on the entirety of the bedtime routine versus what had become our normal evening of twenty minutes of peaceful prayer followed by forty-five minutes of undoing. Ugh.

*I suppose I have stayed with them on numerous other scattered occasions, but this is the first time I'd seen it as a possible, "this is what we do" ritual.

So, anyway, I'm sitting here in a quiet house after a record breakingly easy bedtime, and I'm feeling pretty good about that. I'm also loving these few extra minutes of prayer time, and how much I am coming to crave that time of seeking God specifically for my children.

But that's not really what I sat down to tell you at all. Cause even though bedtime was awesome, the day can pretty much be summed up by what Cuddle Bug prayed tonight:

Dear God, please help me to not disobey my mama and to not fight her and to not ruin her pants. Amen.

Amen.

And amen.