I was chatting with a chef I’d met online about all the delicious things I was hoping he would do for me. We had met on a kinky dating app so the last thing I was expecting was this question:

What’s a nice girl like you doing looking for a casual sex?

Umm… what year is it?!?

I used my standard comeback for such comments: “I’m not a nice girl,” I told him. “I’m a very busy, very horny, and very independent woman.”

Although he was totally yummy right up until that minute, all the sizzle suddenly went out of our chemistry. I wondered who he was expecting to meet on a kinky hookup app. “Nice” girls looking for lasting love and ready to start a committed relationship and a family? What was he planning to do with those women—use them and throw them away?

Read: Best Kinky Dating Sites

Women and Casual Sex

Maybe it really was just an innocent question, badly phrased. Some nice guys can end up sounding like asses with a dumb comment, but behind the scenes they are genuinely perplexed. They might be socially conditioned to think women don’t really want or need sex, kinky or otherwise, or that we have ulterior motives.

Maybe women having casual sex seems too good to be true if you have a background that is either ashamed of sex or afraid of women. Maybe some of you have been conditioned to think that women don’t have the same needs and desires and so we must want something else.

And maybe it is true that there are lots of things women want out of casual sex, and it was just a question with an awkward connotation in the word “nice,” something lost in translation from his first language. I didn’t end up going out with him, but maybe next time I’ll give the benefit of the doubt.

Why Women are Looking for Casual Sex

So, do women like casual sex? Hell yeah. Take a look at some of the many reasons women want casual sex.

1. We Want Sex

Here’s the big reveal: hint, hint, it is spelled S-E-X.

While I’m the first one to admit that men and women are different—wired differently, differently motivated, differently gifted, differently designed—I’m also the first to remind anyone who’s listening that women are sexual creatures. We all are. With the relatively rare exception of some people who are asexual (ace), we are all sexual beings, young or old, male or female, genderqueer, tall or short, thin or fat, celibate or slutty, hot or not.

We all have varying degrees of sexual needs and desires. We have varying approaches for how we express our desires or handle our horny hours. Some of us choose to express sex only along with love or a long-term relationship, some choose many partners, some choose a mix, some choose celibacy. And some of us enjoy casual hookups, including lots of women.

Read: Meet Kinky Women for Hookups

There are lots of reasons why women like casual sex and seek it out. But the number one reason is the obvious one. We seek out sex for the sex.

2. We Want to Clean out the Cobwebs

Not everyone has casual sex routinely. Some women are seeking a long-term partnership, but haven’t melded with anyone. To sustain themselves in between relationships, or to enjoy sex when it’s been a while, a woman might call an old casual lover or meet a new one, just to sustain them.

3. We Want Revenge

Not all reasons are good ones. There are times women seek out casual sex to avenge an upset, or seek revenge on someone who has wronged them sexually. This is nothing new—there are movies, novels, Bible stories, folklore, and real historical dramas centered around this motivating factor.

4. We Want to Rebel

Casual sex can be a liberating declaration, an act of rebellion. Some women choose casual sex to shake off the shackles of a bitter marriage, a bad divorce, a strict religious upbringing, or any other institution or value that they perceive as limiting their sexuality. Many women find liberation in kink and BDSM practices.

5. We Want Drama-Free Encounters

There are times when we want to invest time and energy in finding the right connection for a longer haul. But sometimes we don’t have the time or strength for complications, confrontation, disappointment, or maybe even love. Maybe we are studying and can’t risk falling for someone, even if it’s perfect, because we need to buckle down for medical school.

Maybe we can’t risk our own bad habits—one girlfriend always ends up paying the way of the men she falls hard for, and she was broke. Maybe we want to avoid your bad habits because we are too busy looking after an ailing relative.

Whatever the reason, casual sex is sex where we don’t owe anyone anything—not time, not attention, not fidelity, not explanation, only basic civility. Sometimes that is the kind of connection we need most.

Read: How to Keep Your Kinky Hookups Casual

6. We Want Attention

Lots of women are seeking casual sex for the attention. And lots of you guys say this as if it’s a bad thing.

So what? Some people write poems for attention, or try out for American Idol. Some get drunk and noisy. Some get straight As and their family pats them on the back. Some look for higher paid work. We all need accolades, rewards, and attention in various ways. I love attention from sexy men and women.

7. We Want Companionship and Affection

Just as casual friendships mean a tennis partner or mummy-park coffee mates, casual sex can fill a need for companionship and affection without getting in too deep. We are all social creatures as well as sexual ones. I don’t always have time for deep friendships or the spine for intense ones, but I still need to connect with other human beings.

Read: 4 Reasons Why Kinky Sex with Friends Works

Some of my casual lovers are my best friends, even if we don’t spend a lot of time together. I have a few hobbies and interests that mean connecting with people who enjoy those activities, too, and sometimes there’s an added spark. Cooking is one of them!

Do you enjoy casual sex and relationships? What appeals to you?

This article was previously published here: Why Women Want Casual Sex

Copyright © Kink Lovers

Curious about the cuckold counterpart? Enter the cuckquean!

Let’s take a look at the women who enjoy being cuckolded by their partners, and what a cuckquean relationship might be like.

What is a Cuckquean?

First of all, a cuckold is a husband whose wife has sex with other men with his knowledge. Sometimes in his presence whilst humiliating him or emasculating him, or maybe not depending on the scenario negotiated.

What we don’t focus on as much is the cuckold counterpart: cuckquean. A woman who is the wife or partner of an adulterous man. In the context of the cuckold lifestyle, it is a role she relishes, enjoying the thrill of her man fucking other women. And sometimes enjoying the aspect of humiliation play as well.

There is always a different perspective and circumstance when alternate genders and power dynamics are introduced. So it’s not always the husband “lending out his hotwife.”

The “cuckquean” is a very rare sexual breed, but one that must be celebrated and explored!

Some wives want to lend their hubby out like a library book, because they have established that possibility, and it won’t affect the marriage. Not everyone can handle that, but just because it’s not your cup of tea doesn’t mean that your neighbors aren’t devouring potfulls of steaming hot cuckery every weekend beneath your nose!

Read: How to Find Cuckold Couples and  Online

5 Things to Know about Cuckqueans

Let’s explore a little bit of what the life of a cuckquean might consist of, and see how much you can relate!

1. You never know who makes the decisions.

Patriarchy has (or HAD, thanks to progress) people saying things like “We know who wears the pants in that household!” and such and such. But the idea that it’s always the man making the major decisions in the bedroom and with the sharing of bodies is not the truth whatsoever.

A cuckquean relishes the idea of her man out fucking someone else, or she highly enjoys the idea of granting her husband time with another woman while she watches.

She may decide to have him fuck her friend, or she may decide to slut him out to more than one person at a sex club some wild night. He also may request her permission to experience something that he desires, or something that he wants to show her he can do. And she may oblige him.

You never know who controls the primary power in a cuckquean relationship, and it can shift from situation to situation.

Read: 4 Reasons to Date a Dominant Woman

2. A cuckquean may or may not use chastity toys.

Some cuckqueans are going to be very happy with the idea of using locks, cages, and chastity belts on their partners, and possibly controlling their sexual expression to places they want. There is often a control aspect that comes into play with cuckolds and cuckqueans, and it can easily allow space for toys like cages and strap-ons.

Limiting or extending the cuck’s pleasure is a big part of the relationship, and there are countless ways to do such a thing. Secret control in places like public restaurants or work is legendary.

Read: 4 Reasons Chastity Play Is So Hot

3. Cuckolding behavior is open, not hidden.

There are many types of non-monogamous relationships that people can conduct, even if they are married or engaged. But cucking isn’t really associated with the don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy of extramarital affairs, and having mistresses isn’t really aligned with cuckquean actions.

Unless she asks for him to go out and do these things, without her knowing and then possibly asks to learn some details or join in in future affairs to watch or direct the actions of her partner, cuckqueans and cuckolds are most often open with their sexy behavior.

Read: I Want to Be a Reverse Cuckold Wife

4. Female-led relationships (FLR) are gaining in popularity.

The cuckquean-cuckold connection is a type of female-led relationship, where patriarchal standards and attitudes are consciously counteracted and deconstructed. Cuckqueans are active participants in deciding what kind of sex life their husbands or partners will experience, and what they will witness visually, experience emotionally, and share personally with their lovers and friends.

FLR connections are powerful and should be promoted more in society, as patriarchy dominates too much of the power exchanges between humans, and does not satisfy nearly enough of us. Cuckqueans help redefine what relationships can be!

Read: 4 Types of Female-Led Relationships

5. Cuckquean relationships can incorporate BDSM and kink.

There are sub-levels to every level, ha ha. Honestly, it’s not just chastity belts that can be used. There are mental, verbal, emotional, DEFINITELY economic, psychological, and the obvious sexual levels to the power subjugation and power exchanges that can be established and shared between a cuckquean and her cuck.

The emotional aspects of a cuckold fetish are to be established according to each one’s appetite for eroticism to show the wife, but other explorations may include impact play, small penis humiliation, and discipline if the cuckquean so desires. Maybe you spank your husband if he doesn’t fuck your lesbian lover right, who knows?

Read: BDSM Play: The BIG List of BDSM Activities

Cuckqueans are a small percentage of the participants in the vast cornucopia of sexual characters we can become and explore in our lives. If you find yourself cuckqueaning your way through a threesome on a Friday night, I hope you think of me and this article!

Do you fantasize about being with a cuckquean? Please share your desire.

Have fun,
Addi “Malcolm Lovejoy” Stewart

This article was previously published here: Cuckquean Curious? 5 Details of Cuckquean Life

Copyright © Kink Lovers

Medical fetishism is an umbrella term for a vast network of kinks and fetishes that reflect medical themes.

What Attracts Medical Fetishists?

Kink lovers may experience sexual arousal in specific or general medical situations, or enjoy the sight of nurse uniforms or medical clothing. They may experience attraction or arousal sexually at the idea or enacting of medical procedures.

Medical fetishism can involve sexual attraction to the objects and devices of specific or general medical care.

There are many reasons why medical fetishism could be so common. At its mildest side of the spectrum, such as thinking nurse uniforms are hot or “playing doctor,” it is nearly universal in some sense or another. It can get extremely specific—arousal at enclosure inside a metal lung, for example, or attraction to vintage anesthesiology equipment.

Since fear, vulnerability, and strange physical sensations are all varieties of sexual experiences or feelings, it is not that surprising that a trip to the doctor’s could trigger a variety of kinks and fetishes. Others note that medical care is associated with nurturing.

BDSM in Medical Fetishism

Control and power as doctor, patient, or nurse are other triggers and popular themes in medical role play. Restraint and helplessness come into play in real life medical situations, such as weakness during cancer treatment or restraint during mental illness episodes, and more.

Some medical fetishists are attracted to people and some to the equipment or procedure. For example, there is an entire spectrum of amputee fetishists. Some are simply attracted to people with one leg while others are attracted to the stump or the missing leg itself. Some are attracted to the treatment and recovery—bandages, casts, the physiotherapy process.

Medical kinks can be about respiratory therapy and arousal happens from seeing the lover with nasal cannula or ventilators.

It can be attraction to specific or many kinds of medical workers—nurses, doctors, ER staff, anesthesiologists, orderlies, or psychiatrists. It can be about the medical examination—rectal, gynecological, eyes, ears, nose and throat—doing the exam or receiving it, or both.

It can be about the outfits—hospital gowns, coats, booties, nurse uniforms. It can be about needles, diaper care, temperature taking, dental hygiene or braces, about deformities and disabilities, or attraction to people who have a specific illness or broad condition.

Read: Dental Fetish: BDSM and Dental Torture

There is a wide variety of medical-themed pornography, from general scenarios that can appeal to a wide base of kink lovers, to very specific fetish pornography.

Types of Medical Fetishes

Medical Examination Kinks

A very common client request or submissive request to dominants is an erotic medical exam. Helpless submissives everywhere are excited by kinky medical exams. They want to be restrained, examined, and have various devices like thermometers and speculums inserted into orifices.

Read: 4 Doctor-Patient Role Play Ideas

Klismaphilia

Many people find the process of having an enema to be extremely arousing. Both men and women are sexually aroused during enemas because of stimulation of nerves and the bulbospongiosus muscle, which affects male erections and female vaginal contractions.

The strange sensation of fullness and of vulnerability, along with the mess taboo and the medical connotations all contribute toward the fetish. For many klismaphiliacs, the rubber device itself and the idea of the insertion is arousing.

Read: All About the Erotic Enema

Amputee Fetish

Acrotomophilia is better known as amputee fetishism. Some people are attracted to amputees. They may be excited by the perceived bravery and independence of the amputee, or they may relish the idea of dependence and taking care of him or her. Many are attracted to the amputation itself—the stump limb. They want to rub it, touch it, or even fuck it.

Apotemnophilia is sexual arousal at the idea of or the act of being amputated oneself. It is often mixed up sexually with body integrity disorder, a psychological condition where someone longs to be disabled. They may feel as if the limb is not there and want to be rid of it in order to make sense of that feeling.

Read: Amputee Fetish Facts

Anesthesia Fetish

Anesthesia role play is so popular that the vintage anesthesiology black rubber mask is now a fetish item colloquially referred to as Black Beauty.

This fetish may include arousal from the equipment, substance, effect, atmosphere, procedure, or scenario.

While lots of people indulge this fetish in a general way, actual anesthesiology for fetishism is dangerous and illegal. It is considered edge play but can also be considered “beyond consent” even with consent, as it is not legal for an amateur to administer anesthesiology drugs, to take them oneself, and it is not legal for a licensed anesthesiologist to give them outside of medical assignment.

While the idea of giving your dominant consent to do with you sexually whatever he or she wants, and being put under can be incredibly exciting, it is not safe or legal.

Medical Restraint

Just as there is an entire genre of horror movies that deal with old asylums and their creepy, invasive, torture equipment, there is a fetish for psychiatric restraint devices—limb cuffs, straight jackets, stretchers, syringes, head restraints, mouth guards or gags, and the entire scene of vulnerability and power and control that go with it.

If you haven’t seen American Horror Story: Asylum, this will turn your crank.

Medical BDSM

Not all medical fetishes are related to bondage and discipline or sadomasochism, but the power dynamics inherent in many medical treatments are definitely important to a large number of fetishists. To those who have experienced medical treatment as a form of torture rather than nurture, the giving and receiving of pain can be essential.

Read: Medical Play Ideas: 4 Ways to Get Kinky

Do you have a medical fetish? Dare to share in the comments!

This article was previously published here: Medical Fetish and the Allure of Medical BDSM

Copyright © Kink Lovers

Do you have an ass fetish?

Most men turn their heads when an attractive woman walks by, and they will immediately check out what’s in the trunk. They will notice the size and the shape and how it moves. If they like what they see, their gaze will linger a little longer.

What part of a woman’s body attracts a man the most? They will usually say face, but let’s not kid ourselves, guys—we know you love our breasts, our legs, and the ass is right up there.

A fetish or kink for the booty is not uncommon. If you were asked who has the best butt you’ve ever seen, a name will instantly roll off your tongue, whether it’s a celebrity like J.Lo or your last girlfriend’s best friend.

Beyond gazing and grabbing, there are many ways to enjoy your love of a good ass. You might not even be that particular about what makes an ass great to you, it’s just having one within your grasp to play with.

7 Ways to Enjoy Your Ass Fetish

Try any or all of these ass play ideas for a fetish session to remember.

1. Dress it Up

If you love your lover’s ass, you’ll love seeing it in different clothes, materials, and textures.

Tell her what makes her ass look great, or even better, buy her what accentuates the goods. This may be a thong bikini for your next getaway or that curve-hugging sweater dress she’s had on her wish list.

2. Ass Massage

It’s not the first thing when you think of massage, as we’re not using our butt to walk or lift or expend lots of energy from, but man a good butt massage feels good.

Use a little oil to soften and grease for easy gliding. Start and finish with your fave spot, moving everywhere in between.

Read: How to Give a Sexy Massage

3. Ass Fingering

This might be during the massage. I love massage porn that has the masseuse take it just a little too far. This is something you can just do with a willing partner or role play—either way, it’s a little bit naughty and a lot hot.

Remember to always ask, before you venture in the back door.

Read: Anal Play Dos and Don’ts

4. Insert Anal Toys

Some women won’t want your finger up their ass. I know it made me feel self-conscious when my last lover always found his way in. Many gals like myself would rather try some anal beads or prance around with a butt plug in for pony play, than worry about issues of hygiene.

Read: 8 Reasons to Use a Butt Plug During Kinky Sex

5. Spanking

If you’ve been denied entry of all kinds, then spanking makes the most sense. It works for couples who like power-exchange dynamics or just fun roleplaying. Nothing makes me more wet than a good spanking.

Spanking Fetish: Dos and Don’ts of Spanking

6. Rimming

If you’re lover is adventurous about what goes in her ass, then she may welcome your tongue, and maybe not all the way in but around and around. Your kink may not go this far either, but it’s a very intimate exploration for close couples.

Read: Rimming Tips for Beginners

7. Penetrate

Of course, you’ll want to penetrate her with your cock if you love ass. Doggy style is great for deep penetration, just make sure to use the lube in generous amounts and work your way in slowly.

If you both want to take it a step further, use a dildo in her vagina for double penetration—nothing like feeling oh so full!

Read: Kinky Positions for Anal Sex

8. Cum Shot

Again, if nothing—not even you—is going in your lover’s booty, perhaps she’ll allow a cum shot on her glorious cheeks.

If you do have an ass kink, this will be a close second. The only part she’ll miss is the satisfied expression on your face as you watch your jizz drip down her curvy backside.

Ass Fetish Play Partners

What you’ll notice about women when it comes to your ass kink, is that some are more than happy for the attention their booty receives. These women will enjoy flaunting what god gave them (or the gym) and you will be in heaven.

But other women will not want that much attention given to their behind because they are shy or they just don’t see it as a place to extend to visitors.

If you love the butt, find a woman who loves hers:

Best Fetish Dating Sites For Every Kink

Are you an ass man? What is your favorite way to enjoy your fetish? Please share!

This article was previously published here: Ass Fetish: 8 Ass Play Ideas to Enjoy

Copyright © Kink Lovers

If you’ve just realized that you are kinky, or you are getting ready to seek out a relationship with someone who shares your kinks, you might not know where to look.

The good news is that kinky people are everywhere!

There are lots of us, and generally speaking, we are approachable, community-minded, open, and eager to meet you, too.

How and Where to Meet Kinky People

1. Become candid and open about your kinky interests.

Lots of kinky people keep their private lives on the down low. While they aren’t necessarily hiding anything about who they are, they don’t feel the need to announce their sexual interests and tastes to everyone they come into contact with. Even so, without knowing all the details, their families and friends probably know that they’re into alternate sexual expressions.

For example, the folks at the office, and even my parents, know that I practice polyamory and like a little hanky spanky, although I never go into the details where it’s not appropriate.

The point being, you don’t have to come flying out of a closet with a rubber harness on and a pony tail sticking out of your ass to announce your preferences on a loudspeaker.

Read: Dos and Don’ts of Coming Out of the Kink Closet

But letting the people you DO know and hang out with that there’s more to you than meets the eye gives them the chance to show you their kinky side as well, or lets them know they can invite you to the annual kink community BBQ, that kind of thing.

You don’t have to come out swinging. Just stop hiding the library book about the care of your PVC wardrobe, and let your besties know you are at leather events or kinky lunch meetups—with all your secrecy, they currently assume you are at AA. Not that there’s anything wrong with that!

Wear a little kink on your sleeve—a tell-tale symbol on a ring or something rubbery or chain mail—that will give like-minded others a way in through conversation.

2. Don’t assume the people you DO meet aren’t kinky.

The thing is, kinky people aren’t generally somewhere else. They’re where you are. Today you went to work, the dentist, and McDonalds. There were lots of kinky people everywhere you were!

Remember, the odds are very high that anyone you meet has some kind of fetish or special sexual interest. Your dentist for sure! Your dogwalker. The man always watering his garden on the corner, and his hot wife.

Understand that every community has a kink community. Find it.

Read: Signs Your Date Might Be Kinky

3. Use fetish-specific and kink sites for online dating.

There are literally thousands of online dating sites and apps that cater to kinks and fetishes of every conceivable ilk. Whether your desire is for BBW in red rubber, vampire-goth girls who want to piss on you, or hardcore BDSM couples, there is a kinky dating site with folks who share your bent—looking for you.

For ideas, see our favorite sites for kink dating:

Best Kinky Dating Sites

4. Put it out there on your mainstream dating apps, social media, and websites.

While it’s definitely a good idea to join kink sites, especially if you have very particular interests sexually speaking, most of the mainstream dating apps have lots of categories to check when it comes to kink and fetish sexuality.

BDSM is NOT rare, and a huge percentage of “regular” people on “regular” dating sites are into some kind of kinky play.

Make sure you make mention of your preference for kinky sex partners where appropriate, and say something wherever it fits about wanting to meet lovers who identify as dominant, submissive, enjoy pony play, or whatever it is that floats your boat.

Read: How to Find a Kinky Hookup Tonight

5. Attend fetish balls or kinky nightclubs.

This one is more obvious. If you see fetish events, sign up and get out there. Invite some open-minded friends, and see where things go.

If you think your town doesn’t have this kind of thing, understand that almost all places do. It might be in a church basement or a neighbor’s rec room rather than a trendy BDSM club—keep your ears open for swinger parties and kinky friendship jamborees. Biker bars may actually be leather hubs, for example.

Read: How to Find BDSM Events and Have a Good Time

6. Sign up for a kinky munch, meetup, or mingle.

Wife-swap parties and nightclub events are always fun, but often they are all about jumping right into the action. That’s great, but if you’re looking for more casual and informal connections, without cracking the whip straight off the bat, meetups and mingles are all about building community.

Read: Everything You Need to Know about BDSM Munches

7. Use kinky social media to meet kinky people.

By following a variety of social media influencers who are interested in the same things you are, you can be sure to find long distance and local friends with similar interests.

You can meet kinky people and like-minded friends in kinky Facebook groups. Get acquainted with kinky neighbors and friends all over the world. Some groups are regional: Midwestern Rubber Lovers, Florida Fetish Rendezvous. And some are global: Kinky Writers, Fetish Shoppers.

See who is near you and chat, arrange a drink, or ask them about BDSM events.

8. Mine your dating discards for kinky just-friends folks.

How often have you dated a wonderful person but the sex spark wasn’t there? We’ve all had dates or encounters where the chemistry wasn’t right, but we wished it was. Think about your dates who you have described to friends as “she’s wonderful in every way. Smart, beautiful, fun. We got along great. We were into the same kinks, but the sex just wasn’t there.”

Read: 8 Tips to Find Your Kink Community

Here is a gold mine of kinky people for friends, community, and companionship. If you aren’t looking for a lover but want more like-minded friendships, don’t forget to look here. Not every kinky person we meet is a date or a lasting love but can be a good friend when we need one.

Where do you meet kinky people? Please share in the comments!

This article was previously published here: How to Meet Kinky People

Copyright © Kink Lovers

I want to talk about letting go and giving up control in the bedroom.

Do you consider yourself a submissive? Are you a demure kitten? Or even possibly a so-called sexual “starfish” in the sheets? We are not here to judge or disrespect whatever you are into in the sack, oh no. We just want you to have the most fun you can, courageous explorer!

Some people are naturally more laid-back in the sheets and prefer the other person to be in the driver’s seat, to take control of the situations and positions as they cruise along for the ride. They are comfortable to let the driver know if they are getting carsick or need a pee break or something of the sort. Some people just aren’t dominant in the bedroom.

But, some people are! They have lots of energy and ideas, an active imagination, and lots of intentions for connection. But when do those people ever get a break from always having their foot on the sexual gas pedal?

A Break from Taking Control

Have you ever heard of the boardroom executive who spends all day in the power position, barking orders at subordinates and employees galore? When they get off work and find themselves in another environment, they prefer to be the exact opposite.

They want someone else to boss them around while they let go during sex and enjoy what it’s like to not make any decisions, nor have to exert any power over anyone. Just enjoy the sexual scenery as someone else drives the dream forward.

Read: Let Her Dominate You

Well, these people totally exist, and to varying degrees, more of us are like them too. We DO have a competitive nature that is nurtured and cultivated by society daily, so let’s turn it off and explore some ways we can relinquish control once we get our clothes off.

5 Ways to Let Go During Sex

1. Play the Part

Roleplaying is always a great option to help someone take their baby steps into another identity and new expression of self-satisfaction.

If you can’t imagine yourself without the normal power moves and hardcore talk you usually engage in, pretend you’re a virgin teenager on prom night! Play the role of someone who has little social and sexual experience, or revert back to a time when you had less experience, and recreate that in the now. Take it to church or school. Get naughty and wild if you want, but remember to keep your innocence close, ha ha.

Read: 4 Sexy Role Plays for D/s Couples

2. Try New Toys

Not only can you incorporate some of the roleplay aspects into your use of sex toys, but using new sex toys AUTOMATICALLY should make you slow down, take things easy, read the instructions, and communicate with a partner if you have one, and therefore, share the power you both own in the moment.

Toys should be used slow at first, always, and with safety precautions. Toys will help people use their power wisely and responsibly… and if not, pain will happen! So, keep the buzz low.

3. Explore BDSM

BDSM is directly involved in determining who has what power, and who gets what power taken away from them. The dominant-submissive and master-slave dynamics are all about power exchange in relationships.

Before you flip the switch, discuss consent first! BDSM can be the most empowering of any human experience imaginable, or it can be hell on earth if trapped in an unwanted powerplay. Do it right, and be nice when you’re being mean. Boundaries exist for a reason!

Read: BDSM Play: The BIG List of BDSM Activities

4. Say Nothing

Have you ever had a sexual experience with NO dialogue, but one where  everyone expresses themselves with their body and feels what they say to you through their body?

Not using one’s mouth to give orders completely changes the idea of power. And if you can’t make demands or force someone to do what you want because you are the Dom in a kinky scene, then you have to think outside the box for new ways to get inside the box, ha ha.

If you have to, throw on a blindfold and really take the lack of control to another fun level of experience. Learn how to let go during sex with no words, no sight, just… vibes.

Read: 4 Sexy Ideas for Blindfold Fun

5. Watch and Learn

Instructional videos that show couples new ideas about Dom and sub roles, sex positions, kink, bondage, or some other aspect you are interested in trying together can be surprisingly helpful.

Read: BDSM Education: How to Learn BDSM Online

I also recommend in-person workshops held at sex conventions or clubs or shops. They are a great way for you both to slow it down, and take things one step at a time. If you are both newbies to domination and submission, it’s wise to learn a tip or two from experts to avoid foolish play that can be psychologically or physically dangerous.

Build your foundation first, and then go “off-script” and start doing what feels right for both of you. Let go during sex and give up control for a while, then take it back for fun!

Now you’re playing with power,
Addi “Malcolm Lovejoy” Stewart

This article was previously published here: Giving up Control: How to Let Go During Sex

Copyright © Kink Lovers

There’s a first time for everything, including having sex with a woman with a penis.

Even though you’ve been jerking off to “transgender surprise” porn until your dick is raw, the fantasy has not happened until now.

In your mind, your date has seductively whispered it a million times over. “There’s something you should know before we go any further…” and pressed herself into your hand.

Maybe you’ve been a transgender admirer forever and have made love to lots of trans women. Some have pussies after sex reassignment surgery, and some have dicks. Some have transitioned and some haven’t. But you’re winging it and need a few pointers to make sure you’re the lover you want to be.

Maybe you don’t have a particular thing for pre-op transgender women at all, but you love all women, and the one that you’re dating just happens to have a penis. You aren’t sure what to do and want to make sure she feels as much pleasure as you do.

Here’s everything you need to know about making love to a woman who has a penis.

*I am using she/her in this post, but always inquire about preferred pronouns when engaging with a trans woman.

How to Make Love to a Woman with a Penis

Follow these tips next time you find yourself making love to a pre-op trans woman.

Still looking to meet a play partner? Read:

How to Meet Transgender Women

1. Follow the Leader

The only expert on any particular woman’s body is herself. You really don’t need to be anxious, and you don’t need to be a know it all, either—every time you’re with a woman, trans or otherwise, she is the expert on her body.

Ask her to show you every time how it works for her and what she likes and needs. She can show you what kind of strokes, oral moves, and other uses feel good or work for her.

2. Don’t Call Her Genitalia “Girldick”

The term may sound hot to you, but “girldick” is fetish terminology that not every trans woman with a penis appreciates. It’s hers to use if she wants, not yours. It’s hers to define, as well. If she wants you to say it, she’ll let you know.

3. Her Cock Isn’t the Same as Yours

Her penis will probably look different from yours, and it won’t function in the same way.

There are exceptions, but most trans women’s cocks are smaller and softer. Hormone therapy changes the texture, taste, smell, and way her genitals respond.

4. Not All Women with Cocks Like to Use Them

For some pre-op trans women, gender dysphoria is triggered by her penis, and she would rather not use it at all. Always follow her lead.

If you really aren’t sure after that, you can ask, “Are you comfortable with me touching you here?” before you touch her. If she leaves her panties on or moves your hand or wriggles away, and you’re confused because she otherwise seems into you and has consented to play, this is probably why. It’s okay to ask and be sure.

Avoid the word “penis” or “cock” if you suspect this is the situation and just reference “touch” or “you,” as in “Would it feel good if I touch you?”

5. Don’t Expect Penetration

Are you dreaming of her rock hard cock slowly sliding into your ass and turning you inside out? Or are you terrified she’ll expect you to bend over and take it all the way?

Either way, that won’t be happening.

You may have seen some exciting porn that featured transgender women with breasts and a giant erection, penetrating another woman or a man’s ass. I’m sorry to say that the likelihood of this happening in real life is slim.

Read: 4 Kinky Play Ideas without Penetration

There are some trans women whose dicks function the way yours does, who also want to use it that way. It’s rare, however. Most women using hormone therapy aren’t able to “get hard” or perform penetrative sexual intercourse.

Most transgender women don’t want to use their penis that way even before they begin treatment. This is not always true, and it’s perfectly fine if she wants to and can fuck you. But most won’t.

The porn you usually see this in might be called “shemale” porn and might crudely refer to these women as “chicks with dicks.” Transgender women in the past, and still today, sometimes turn to sex work because of obstacles to other jobs, or because they need to save up for medical treatments.

The hung stallion with a throbbing member and silicone breasts is largely fiction and performative, not common in real life sexuality.

6. Don’t Assume You’ll be Taking Her Up the Ass

Some men may assume that transgender women who don’t have vaginas will automatically want anal penetration.

Lots of women do find penetration incredibly fulfilling and pleasurable, but some don’t.

Don’t make assumptions beforehand or during. Go with the flow. Communicate and be open minded and adventurous. Prioritize her pleasure.

Prioritizing her pleasure might mean fucking her up the ass! If that’s the case, you can do your happy dance. But don’t start sticking around down there unless she has made it clear she’s into it.

Read: 4 Ways to Enjoy Anal Penetration

7. Oral Is Amazing

If your woman with a penis is into oral-genital sex, don’t be shy about performing. She can guide you to what feels good. Just remember to be patient, slow and sensual.

You aren’t giving a blowjob, and more than likely licking her cock is going to feel more like cunnilingus, but still be its own kind of thing. It won’t be “fucking your mouth” or a hard and fast kind of experience, but soft and sweet.

8. Kink Is a Wonderland

Don’t forget your imagination and sense of adventure, or your kinky fantasies. BDSM has a vast spectrum of practices to fire up your imagination and make you and your lovers feel amazing.

Why not try sex that isn’t dick-centered? Take the focus off cocks for a while—yours, or hers—and enjoy bondage, sensation play, role play, and so much more.

Read: BDSM Play: The BIG List of BDSM Activities

The fetish and kink spectrum has endless alternative sex options. You really can think outside the box!

Do you already have sexual experience with pre-op trans women? What tips can you share?

This article was previously published here: 8 Tips for Sex with a Woman with a Penis

Copyright © Kink Lovers

Do you have a leg fetish?

Let’s take a look at the kink for legs, some related kinks, and most importantly—how to enjoy your leg fetish with some kinky leg play ideas.

What Is Crurophilia?

Crurophilia is the sexual fetish for legs. You may enjoy your leg fetish with intimate physical interaction with someone’s legs or you may just fantasize with what you admire from afar. There are so many beautiful legs out there to watch go by.

Crurophilia is a partialism, as it includes an attraction to a specific body part.

Most men who say they have a thing for women’s legs will not consider it a fetish, just another part of a woman’s body they like to look at and touch.

If they do refer to their interest as a fetish, they may have very specific ways of getting off. They may like the whole package, or there may be one part of the leg that really gets them going such as the thigh or knee or calf.

Why Do People Have Leg Fetish?

What makes a good set of gams is in the eye of the beholder. Some men like women with long, lean, toned legs while others prefer petite ladies with spindly legs. While shape tastes vary, from thick and curvy to sporty and muscular to thin and delicate, most leg fetishists prefer a long leg.

Some men prefer clean shaven and some men have a hairy fetish, though this is not as common.

Read: Hirsute Fetish vs Au Natural Preference

Most fetishists will concur that the allure is seductive in nature as it is not a part of the body that is overtly sexy, like the breasts or buttocks, but just naturally sexy because of the shape and movement (e.g., a woman crossing her legs).

What kinds of clothes the legs are covered in matters to a fetishist too. Some men just love legs poured into a skin-tight pair of jeans, and we all know that yoga pants are not just popular because they are so comfortable. Short shorts and mini skirts show off as much of the leg as possible, with some guys drooling over bare legs and some preferring to see and feel legs in sheer stockings.

Leg Fetish Types & Crossover Kinks

Pantyhose Fetish

Pantyhose are one of the most popular fetishes that pair perfectly with a leg kink. The problem is, unless you’re dating a flight attendant you may be hard pressed to find a woman wearing these in her day to day. (They’re just not that comfortable, but many gals will don them in the bedroom if that’s your thing.)

Read: All You Need to Know about the Pantyhose Fetish

Shoe & Foot Fetishes

Of course, a shoe fetish can work well with your love of legs, because heels help to accentuate the length of one’s legs, as well as present toned calves.

If you have a foot fetish and the legs attached are long and beautiful, you’ve hit the jackpot. In the summer months you can enjoy watching women walking by in open-toe sandals and shorts or skirts that reveal her legs. It’s an acceptable form of voyeurism to indulge in.

Read: Foot Fetish: A Guide to Foot Kinks

Leg Cast Fetish

Sometimes it’s not the legs themselves that fuel a kink for legs. Some are specifically aroused by legs in a cast, perhaps with a preference for full-leg casts.

Amputee Fetish

And sometimes the sexiest leg, is the one that isn’t there anymore.

Read: Amputee Fetish Facts

7 Leg Fetish Play Ideas

1. Shave Her Legs

Have you ever shaved a woman’s legs? If she let’s you, it’s worth trying. Just ask her to give you a quick demo (some women like using shaving cream or soap along with a razor, others may use wax or creams to remove hair, and some prefer an electric razor.) You will be able to enjoy your handiwork by caressing her soft smooth skin after.

Read: What to Know before You Shave Her

2. Give a Massage

I don’t know many women who would turn down a massage. Personally I love a full-body, and the legs feel wonderful when being rubbed, especially after a long day on one’s feet. Set a scene with candles and mood music, and use oils or lotions to give your lover a sexy rub down.

3. Undress Her

This will be especially tantalizing if she is wearing stockings, tights, or nylons that you can slowly roll down. Don’t just yank her pants off but kiss and caress her legs as they are revealed. When her legs are bare, spend some time admiring their beauty while stroking or kissing or moisturizing.

Read: Undressing Tips for Kinky Hookups

4. Let Her Legs Tease You

Have her tie you up, so that she can give you a striptease that will bring you to the brink. Edging a man is up there on my list of top turn-ons. And if having a woman rub herself against you half-naked, but not letting you touch yourself or her as much as you’d like, sounds exciting—it is!

5. Indulge in Sensory Play

Try blindfolding her before you use a variety of tools or substances to stimulate her with. You can run ice cubes up and down her legs or drizzle warm oils or wax for temperature play. You can use feather and silk scarves to tickle and tease. You can drip honey or chocolate or cream along her legs that you can lick off.

Read: Sensation Play Ideas for Hot Hookups

6. Play with Ropes

If you already love bondage, why not experiment with different ways to tie up your lover’s legs before dominating her.

This may mean tying her spread eagle on the bed or it could include advanced techniques that are more aesthetic in nature, like Shibari rope bondage.

7. Experiment with Body Paint

Another sensory type of play you can try is painting your partner’s legs—it can feel ticklish or soothing, depending on the types of strokes you use.

You don’t have to be an artist to enjoy decorating her legs with a creative flair, just be sure to use breathable paints if you are going to cover all of her legs or more. And don’t forget to take pictures of your work for the memories!

Read: Get Creative in the Bedroom with Body Paints

Do you have a leg fetish? How do you indulge?

This article was previously published here: Leg Fetish: All About Crurophilia Kinks

Copyright © Kink Lovers

Some people have a kink for crushing. That is, they are sexually aroused by watching others—usually women, but sometimes dudes—crushing objects and sometimes animals or insects.

What the crush??!?!?

What Is a Crush Fetish?

The crush kink or fetish is pretty much what it sounds like—crushing for sexual arousal and pleasure.

Most crush kinksters derive sexual excitement from fantasizing about crushing, or watching someone crush something, and some want to be crushed themselves, although this is usually considered to be a trampling kink— related but different.

Read: The Kink of Stepping and Stomping

Like most kinks, there is a fascinating array of excitement triggers within a seemingly small subject.

Take pantyhose fetish, for example: it seems simple—people turned on by pantyhose. Many can be turned on in general by women wearing pantyhose. For others, it is specific women wearing pantyhose—really leggy, ebony women, or chubby blondes, perhaps.

And from there, it gets into the really nitty gritty! For some, it is specific kinds of pantyhose—the texture of a particular brand, even. For some, it is just the feet inside pantyhose but not the butt or calves.

In the same way, for many crush kinksters, the person doing the crushing should appear a certain way. Often as a dominant woman or dominatrix.

For others, it’s more important what is being crushed: cigarettes, food, bugs, people.

Some have very specific preferences for what kind of body part is doing the crushing. The foot is sometimes the most important part of a crush fetish, or certain kinds of shoes (stilettos are popular, but many prefer worn-out sneakers or bare feet or big feet.)

Extremely common to the crush fetish is that insects are what is being crushed. To some kinky crushers, only specific varieties of insects are exciting!

Some are happy with any kind of crushing—sitting, standing, stepping, smothering. For others, it is specific—the heel of the hand, for example, or only foot crushing.

Soft Crush Fetish

The related kinks and fetishes range, and range within themselves, along with crushing, from hard to soft.

Most crush fetishists are “soft”—meaning they enjoy fantasies or actual crushing, but it is harmless. For example, watching a woman crush a banana, or sit on your lap. Crushing insects is usually considered soft as well.

Hard Crush Fetish

Hard crush fetishism would be crushing small mammals (or large animals) to death, or being crushed to the point of actual suffocation or injury.

The hard crush kink can be consensual, but if it involves animals, it is illegal and disgusting. Animals cannot give consent to injury or death, so hardcore crushing porn and performances have garnered legal action and attention from animal advocacy groups, resulting in criminal punishment.

7 Variations of Crush Fetish

Crushing fetish is a distinct kink, but like most kinks, it is related to many others. Here are different types of crush fetish and crossover kinks.

1. Trampling

The trampling fetish is closely related to crushing in many aspects. If the crush kinkster is only or mostly turned on by humans crushing humans, or by being crushed or crushing another human, but not by other crushes, that is usually “trampling.”

Even macrophilia comes into play when the trample kink involves being crushed by a giant woman!

Trampling is watching someone trample on another, being trampled on, or doing the trampling—some are excited by any combination of these, and some are specific as to which of the three is the turn on.

2. CBT

Some crush kinks fall under CBT – cock and ball torture. When the arousal comes from forms of CBT play, especially those involving a domme’s feet, we consider this a ball crushing fetish.

Read: The Ins and Ouch of Cock & Ball Torture

3. Sploshing

Sploshing can involve throwing cakes or food in faces or smearing them all over the body, but there are lots of folks who only find wet and messy food experiences arousing if the cake or pie is being crushed or stepped on!

Some crush kinksters are only turned on by the crushing of foods like cakes or fruits and not by crushing other things—but they are not turned on by the food in a different kink, such as feeding or general wet and messy.

Read: Sploshing: Getting Wet and Messy with Food

4. Cake Sitting

Cake sitting is a very specific form of crushing, and is likely popular if you have a ‘butt crush fetish’. If you love to bake or have a sweet tooth, this performative kink might be something new to try with your lover.

5. Foot Fetish

Foot fetish is an extremely common crossover with crushing. While the feet may be mere tools with which the crushing takes place, for a lot of crush fetishists, the foot is also a fetish and is very important to the crush fantasy. Some have very particular preferences about foot size and footwear.

Actually, some foot fetish sites are a a good starting point to meet people for crush fetish play.

The Best Foot Fetish Dating Sites

6. Formicophilia

There are many people who are turned on by insects—sometimes specific insects, and sometimes by the sensation or tactile qualities. For example, the squishy feeling of squirming larvae, or the scurrying of ant armies. Some find the killing of insets exciting and may have a bug crushing fetish.

My friend once met up with a guy she met on Craigslist who unbeknownst to her got off on lighting insects on fire as a kind of foreplay. She only met him the once, as she found it too disturbing. He probably should have waited for the second or third date to unpack his kink!

7. BDSM

Sadomasochism, bondage, cock worship, goddess worship, and many other aspects of BDSM are often part of crush fetishism.

This is not always true. Lots of folks are merely aroused by the idea of an attractive woman crushing out cigarette butts or stepping on cardboard. But those who like to be trampled on, crushed by a shoe spike, or watch her snuff out insects are usually involved in other areas of BDSM.

Want to read about more fetishes and crazy kinks? See our Big List of Fetishes.

Do you have a crush fetish? How do you like to play?

This article was previously published here: Crush Fetish: All About Crushing Kinks

Copyright © Kink Lovers

What is Somnophila?

Somnophilia is the technical term for sleep fetish, and someone with a sleep fetish is a somnophiliac.

The “sleeping beauty fetish” is a rare paraphilia, a form of sexual fetishism which is characterized by the desire to have sex with an unconscious or sleeping individual. Sleep fetish may involve the fetishist waking the unresponsive individual after the act has been committed.

Is Somnophilia the same as sleepy sex?

No. Sleepy sex is the kind of sex you have with your partner in the morning when you’re both drowsy, or snuggling on the couch and watching a movie late into the night. You might be tired, but you’re not actually asleep.

In TV and movies we’ve repeatedly watched scenes of a couple having sex, and then one of them falls asleep midway through. It’s usually meant to get a laugh, but if you happen to find yourself in this situation (it’s rare) as the one still awake, you need to stop immediately.

Is the sleep fetish legal?

No. Acting on your sleep fetish is illegal because consent cannot be given by a sleeping person, once you fall asleep, prior consent is moot.

“Lack of consent may be demonstrated by evidence that by reason of drink, drugs, sleep, age or mental disability the complainant was unaware of what was occurring and/or incapable of giving valid consent.”

You can look, but don’t touch.

Do some couples enjoy somnophilia together?

Yes, some kinky couples do engage in somnophilia, but not without clear boundaries.

You may be in a serious long-term relationship where blanket consent is involved—you don’t ask your partner for consent for vanilla things like kissing their neck, or kinky activities like tying them to the bedpost before going down on her. You’ve been together for a long time and know what your lover’s likes and dislikes are and what their boundaries are, so you act before asking.

Read: Implied Consent or Expressed Consent?

But… think about it. If you woke up to your girlfriend with her mouth around your cock, would you be delighted or press charges? How would she react if she woke up with you inside her? If this is your fetish or fantasy, you need to discuss it with your partner in depth before you try anything.

Find kinky partners with the Best Fetish Dating Sites For Every Kink.

How can I talk to my partner about my sleep fetish?

Understand your kink and what makes it a turn on for you. It probably involves control, an element of surprise when your partner wakes up. Your partner may share your enthusiasm for this and be willing to try it, or you may get the door slammed in your face when you just mention the idea.

Dr. Laurie Mintz, professor at UoF teaching human sexuality, says, “If you decide to go ahead and give it a try, make sure to lay out all your ground rules carefully at the outset. Think about what is and isn’t ok. For example, is oral alright, but not full sex? Should your partner wear a condom? Is sleep sex off limits on a work night? Be specific and try to think of different scenarios and judge how these would make you feel.”

She adds, “…it’s important to remember that your desires never supersede the desires or boundaries of your partner.”

What if my partner does not share my sleep kink?

If your partner says no, respect that, and find other ways to satisfy the desires that make somnophilia appealing to you. Most women are not going to indulge you and even if they say yes, there could be repercussions that could change your life. It’s a huge risk.

The good news is that many kinky women still love relinquishing control in other ways, that include bondage, submission, and obedience.

Is there a way to play it safe with my sleep fetish?

I love the IDEA of someone having sex with me when I’m asleep and waking up to it, but I DON’T really want that to happen. I don’t want to be unconscious and be groped or penetrated. Is there a woman who would consent to this in advance? Possibly, but to me it’s rape.

Read: Should You Indulge Your Kinky Date’s Rape Fantasy

But, I have shared my fantasy (which some may call a rape fantasy) with partners in the context of role playing, wherein I will pretend to be asleep while they ravish me, sometimes “waking up” or continue to pretend to be asleep throughout the act. I get to have my fun, but stay in control. And men seem to love it too!

To learn more about fetish, it’s causes and variations, see our Glossary of Paraphilia & Kink.

Do you fantasize about your own sleeping beauty? Please share in the comments.

This article was previously published here: Sleep Fetish: Somnophilia Tips & FAQ

Copyright © Kink Lovers