Quite possibly some of the most famous lines uttered in any movie. While I’ve heard these lines over and over again, I never quite knew what they meant until earlier today when I finally watched ‘Fight Club‘ for the first time.

And I could not have watched it at a more appropriate time. *For those who have never seen it before, there may be a few spoilers ahead.*

Fight Club Soap

The whole theme of having two lives within yourself, fighting yourself struck a chord within me tabout what I was thinking to myself earlier today. Who are we? Are we who we are? Or are we who we want to be? Read those lines again. Surprisingly enough, most of the time, we try to be who we want to be and forgot ourselves in the process. Quipping J.Krishnamurti, acceptance of who we are is the first step in bettering ourselves as a person. What’s the second step? You’ll learn that yourself as time passes.

I am stuck in a similar dilemma in life right now. I am who I am. Or am I? Its a very important question to ask ourselves. Should we become what society expects us to become? Or should we stay who we are? Tough choice. There is no right answer to that question. Sometimes, we do what society wants us to do. Sometimes, we do what we want to. As Mel Gibson once proudly exclaimed in Braveheart, ‘Your heart is free, have the courage to follow it.’ Those are important words indeed. Most of the times, listening to your inner conscious will lead us to the right result for both ourselves and society. But following your conscious takes a great deal of confidence, courage and perseverance, and that is what sets the men apart from the boys.

As time flows and the inevitable truth of ‘the big bad world’ looms over me, I need to make a decision as to what I want to do with my life. The career I take up will define me as a person, as a human being, as a son and as a family man. It is easy to follow in the footsteps of others but no man has ever made history by taking the well-worn path. Standing up from above the crowd, making a positive change to lives other than yours, the willingness to give up everything for the benefit of others, these are values that make one man the leader, and the others followers. I will end with one of my favourite quotes from the movie ‘The Emperor’s Club’ – ‘Great ambition and conquest without contribution is without significance. What will your contribution be? How will history remember you?’

Currently listening to – Lemon by U2

Update – This article reflects my feelings perfectly.

One thing the training made me was to question myself, what I was doing, why I was doing it, for whose benefit was I doing it and did I really need to do it? They sound like fairly simple and straight forward questions but sometimes, we get so caught up in routine and its important to step back and take a look at the bigger picture in life. It is a refreshing exercise whose answers may not immediately occur but stirs up a chain of reactions which make us improve ourselves.

Several other modules of the training were rather useful as well, such as the workshop on public speaking where we were shown inspirational speeches every 10 minutes and had to write a speech in the break of 10 minutes and by the end of an hour, we all read out our speeches to each other and gave anonymous feedback which was brilliant. The simulation of a Students’ Union executive, also known as Fibchester did not quite live up to its name from my point of view but it was still a fun group exercise. Learning the history of Students’ Union was eye-opening as was techniques for lobbying and influencing. Recognizing your style of leadership was rather interesting as we tried to differentiate from what style we wanted to be and style we actually were.

The networking opportunities were fantastic and I definitely learnt a lot from meeting all the various officers from other Unions. The sad state of affairs at a surprisingly large number of other Students’ Union suddenly made me appreciate ours much more. And the fact that a lot of people don’t feel a sense of duty and dedication to their job was genuinely disheartening. I personally feel that one requires dedication and commitment to a cause to do a god job resulting in a successful result. But each to their own I suppose.

Overall, it was definitely a great four days filled with plenty of learning and plenty of drinking! I would fully recommend this training to any future Sabbatical officers.

Currently listening to – Lately by The Helio Sequence

Its quite thrilling to get recognized for your efforts, monetarily or otherwise. While my job has President has not been demanding yet, I think the pressure will kick once term starts. And I don’t mean that as a negative thing. Pressure is good. It gives me something to do.

I’ve invested a part of the paycheck in a Leica Slide Projector which should arrive in a couple of days. In order to have some material for the projector, I need to go and get all my Velvia processed which is more than it sounds since the only lab that does E6 processing in the vicinity is about an hour journey away.

Life has been on and off for the past month, hence the lack of posts here. My dad reminded me today about the blog and I though it would be good to post an update. Satisfaction is something that is a rarity these days. Photography is my source of solace and joy. Sometimes I just want to pack my bags with a camera and film and go travelling. Anywhere. Somewhere. If only life was that simple.

Sometimes things just seem so pointless and mundane. And then a phone call to the parents solves it all, they are a magic source of energy and inspiration, a reason for survival.

Hopefully I’ll be uploading some photos soon once I get all the film back after its been processed.

Till then.

Currently listening to – Yaaron Dosti by KK

Update – You can find the much awaited photos here.

What most of you will not know is the sheer amount of effort that went into this election. Sleepless nights, hours of phone calls, endless brainstorming. All the blood, sweat and caffeine did pay off in the end with a record breaking victory. Now whether victory was worth it or not is another question.

Was it worth my degree? Only time will tell. I got my final year results today and only got a 2.1 degree. Not the 1st degree that I had dreamed of when I came to University. Not the 1st degree I had in mind whenever I studied. But a 2.1. It is disappointing, I’m not going to argue that and I am solely to blame for it. For not knowing how to balance my extra curricular activities and my academics, this is what I get. A very expensive lesson. Then again, I think, maybe it was worth it? Learning more about life than a classroom could ever teach and meeting people from all walks of life may have made me a better man. Again, I dont know, only time will tell. But I can say one thing for certain – this wont stop me from achieving what I want to do. Passion and perseverance can take a man much farther in life than a mere degree can.

My 3 memorable weeks in India have also come to an end. I enjoyed every single moment I spent at home and I was rather reluctant to leave for England but hey, that’s life. I’m back in sunny England now and I’m already missing the smiling faces of Hyderabad. I honestly dont believe that I will be able to settle in England in the long term of life. Even though it can promise riches beyond my dreams, it cannot give me the simple pleasures of India. And I’ve learnt that in life, its the small things that make the big differences.

Currently listening to – Your Blue Room by U2/Brian Eno

We met all our old school teachers and as we told them our tales of success (getting a job, becoming President, etc), I saw a rare smile on their faces. And then I realized that, as teachers, this is all they have. Watchiing their old students growing up to become successful members of society is perhaps the proudest feeling that they can get.

It’s been 3 years since we passed out from school and as a result, we were less recognized among our juniors. Only a couple of years ago, a large contingent of people would’ve stopped to meet us, but that day, we were lucky enough to have a dozen or so odd people meet us over the course of the evening.

A lot has changed in school since we left. CCTVs and prison-like grills greet us at every corner. An increased sense of discipline is instantly visible (as we were the only ones throwing stones at the Tamarind tree). The location of classrooms has been shuffled around. New leaders, new rules. C’est la vie.

We definitely missed school. The delicious lunch. Learning about economics and girls. Running away from Emmanuel. Jumping the wall. I’ve definitely learnt more outside the classroom than inside it. It has made us who we are today.

But that essential HPS atmosphere still remained. A sense of power and prestige. The feeling of elation and pride as one marches pasts those glorious buildings. After all, how many schools can boast of having a plane and a battle tank inside their campus? HPS Forever.

Not a day of my life goes by when I don’t think about you. When I achieve something, I remember your advise which helped me succeed, I hope that you’d be proud of me. In times of trouble and pain, I remember your support and words of courage. When someone pats me on the shoulder, it reminds me of the way of you encourage me. When I see a father and his young son, it reminds me of the times when you patiently answered all my questions, no matter how big or small without any hesitation. When I smile to myself, its usually because I’m thinking of a time when you made me laugh. When I cry, its because I think I’ve let you down. Everytime I wear one of your old shirts, I try to impersonate you.

Happy Fathers Day, Dad. I cannot imagine a better father than you.

The end of a long day,
Meeting new people, uniting with old friends,
its tougher than it sounds,
tiring it definitely is, pleasing it isnt.

Golden, brown, maroon and magenta.
It changes like the seasons,
unlike the weather, its always pleasant.
The precious liquid of life.

Some say its bad for you,
other say its just like poison,
either way, its a trip straight to heaven,
what a fine way to die.

This bar is older than my father,
yet it serves his son so well.
What a perfect drink, I exclaim,
there’s none as soothing as the odd one out.

The temperature of a perfectly chilled one,
the heavy feel of a fat bottomed glass,
the gentle simmer of the froth,
the first sip, worth a lifetime of work.

I grin like a kid, she smiles back,
the first sip has hit the blood.
My vision blurs, her smile fades,
few too many sips some would say.

Not enough I say, wink at the barman for more,
she disagrees, I agree, barman says 3 pounds.
Count out the change, I pay, turn around, she’s gone.
I laugh, who needs a woman when you have a pint.

Fire is such a mystical phenomenon. It brings the most refined of us back to our Neanderthal instincts. We stood there, mystified by its beauty, by its ethereal dancing flame, by its magical property to produce heat. We threw wood, cardboard, Ouzo and every inflammable object we could find into it. We scoured the house looking for any old bits of cardboard and wood lying around. We discovered that Dominoes pizza boxes burn green and wood was by the far the only material that kept burning forever. The crude but beautiful fire made me feel like a man, as we stood around it, topless watching the flame burn higher and higher.

As the flame settled itself into a rhythm, we sat around with a couple of pints talking about life and its mysterious ways, we spoke about things we normally never talk about, revealed secrets to each other, we bonded. We felt like cavemen sitting about a fire making ourselves warm in the chill of the night but we loved it so much. It was an experience unlike any other. It was an experience of manliness, bonding and becoming friends all over again.

It was not anything extravagant, it cost us nothing except a couple of drinks and some matchsticks but I can honestly say that it was one of the most pleasant nights of my life.

Time flew and before we realized it, we had been sitting there for three hours and it was nearly midnight. Watching the flame burn, rise and fall turned out be a surprisingly captivating activity, its funny how the smartest of brains still continue to be confounded by one of nature’s simple elements. The embers slowly kindled before we finally decided to call it a day and put the fire out by creatively pissing on it.

In place of the ‘Wishlist’ page, I have introduced a new page ‘Projects‘, which is a list of projects, both photographic and otherwise that I have completed or currently doing. It is essentially a place for people to keep updated with what I’m pursuing, what I’ve already done and a reminder for myself to continue with current projects.

Furthermore, I managed to break my Canon 50mm f/1.8, which is well known for its fragile nature but after some keen observation, I managed to snap it back together and its working fine now! The debate between digital and film has been continuing at the back of my head for all eternity and I still stand without an answer. I’ve decided that due to the cost and hassle of scanning film, I’ll leave the film to use solely on any projects I undertake and continue to use digital for my daily needs. I have a large collection of films that are waiting to be scanned and that collection seems to be increasing as I shoot more and more film. This has also inevitable led to gadget lust, namely the 5D MkII & 24-105mm lens which is absolutely fantastic to use and has stunning image quality.

Exams have begun and I had my first exam earlier this week, Econometrics, and it went on surprisingly well, much to my pleasure. The next on is on Thursday. I finish by June 4th and I am eagerly waiting to finish my undergraduate degree.

I’ve been reading a plethora of books, still continuing to read ‘Cosmos‘ as well as ‘This Matter of Culture‘ and ‘The English‘ simultaneously. All of them provide for an enjoyable read and a mixed experience as I jump from reading about the origins of the Universe to why the English hate the French.

The weather has improved considerably and is now sunny and warm, reaching temperatures of 20C. I’ve been spending time with my housemates sitting out in the backgarden revising and enjoying the warmth, while reminiscing about the past 3 years at University.

And I have finally received my passport! This obviously means I’ll be going home to Hyderabad in June, I cannot wait!

Currently Listening to – Me and You and a dog named Boo – Lobo