If you’ve read my blog for a while, you know I am all about demystifying incorrect beliefs.  I’m all about thinking and living life in a way that helps you achieve the things you set yourself to achieve.

So today, I decided to share with you my raw self.  You get to see me chat honestly about life and dating.  You get to see a side of me that not everyone gets to see unless you know me for a while… or unless you do long-a coaching with me.

Manuel is a friend of mine I’ve mentioned in a previous blog.  He was the jock who needed help with dating.  I’ve helped him for a few months and boy oh boy, he has come a long way since then.  Let’s just say he’s been having some fun.

A lot of the concepts I teach in bootcamps or in private coaching sessions are stuff I’ve experienced and studied myself… and more importantly, stuff that I have experimented with by teaching it to friends to see how it affects their lives.  That’s how I know whether the stuff I talk about works or not.

Grab yourself a cup of coffee or whatever your favorite drink is before reading.

It is a long post but you have plenty of time!!!  You have all the time in your life actually because…  well… we ARE talking about life.

1:16:18 AM Manuel : we tend to get lazy
1:16:22 AM Manuel : in relationships
1:16:23 AM Manuel : men
1:16:30 AM Manuel : don’t you think
1:16:30 AM Khiem : no… I typically don’t
1:16:37 AM Manuel : hmm
1:16:39 AM Khiem : b/c I put a high emphasis on always appreciating
1:16:52 AM Khiem : if I keep the idea of rewarding her behaviors by showing appreciation in various forms
1:16:55 AM Khiem : it keeps her hooked
1:17:04 AM Khiem : so I may get lazy on initiating sex
1:17:08 AM Khiem : but I don’t get lazy in the relationship
1:20:35 AM Manuel : yes, I meant in terms of sex
1:20:45 AM Manuel : sometimes I feel like the fact that it is guaranteed
1:20:52 AM Manuel : makes us take it for granted a little bit
1:20:57 AM Khiem : well maybe for you
1:21:01 AM Khiem : I try to not take it for granted
1:21:01 AM Manuel : in relationships
1:21:03 AM Khiem : b/c I told you before
1:21:07 AM Manuel : hahaha
1:21:08 AM Khiem : if you don’t do the effort to keep her happy
1:21:09 AM Manuel : i know
1:21:14 AM Khiem : her eyes and heart will start to wander
1:21:19 AM Khiem : it’s your job to keep her hooked
1:21:19 AM Manuel : YOU are the Supafreak
1:21:31 AM Khiem : just as it’s her job to seduce us with her femininity
1:22:19 AM Manuel : makes sense
1:22:35 AM Manuel : do you feel that requires a lot of attention on the man’s part?
1:22:49 AM Manuel : to where it interferes with other parts of his life?
1:23:04 AM Manuel : HELL, that is a great topic to write about
1:23:07 AM Manuel : on your blog
1:23:23 AM Manuel : So You Have HER…now WHAT?
1:23:41 AM Manuel : i would imagine lots of guys are just as stupified as me
1:23:43 AM Manuel :
1:25:16 AM Khiem : that’s a good topic
1:25:25 AM Khiem : I like that title too
1:25:31 AM Khiem : well what do you think?
1:25:36 AM Manuel :
1:25:50 AM Manuel : its an excellent topic that you have mastery in
1:26:10 AM Manuel : I particularly enjoy the part about wandering eyes
1:26:49 AM Manuel : and it would be great if you talk about how its your job to keep her interested through your masculinity
1:27:03 AM Manuel : much like it’s her job to seduce you with her femininity
1:27:18 AM Manuel : (I imagine that is what you meant as far as the masculine side)

1:28:17 AM Manuel : one good piece to address is the fine line between taking her for granted…and being overly caring
1:28:33 AM Manuel : not being masculine about how you desire her I suppose?
1:29:06 AM Manuel : ie. the guy that does anything and everything a.k.a the nice guy
1:29:18 AM Khiem : yes
1:29:27 AM Manuel : versus the masculine guy who treats her very well and keeps her wanting more and more
1:29:50 AM Manuel : i feel most men do not understand this distinction
1:30:02 AM Manuel : but the few that do understand it…
1:30:08 AM Manuel : oh, you can tell
1:30:20 AM Manuel : heck, I see it all the time, as rare as it is
1:30:25 AM Manuel : you are a fine example of it
1:30:37 AM Manuel : and I have known some guys that are able to do just that
1:30:43 AM Manuel : there is a way to them
1:31:04 AM Manuel : how they go about appreciating the woman without sacrificing masculinity
1:31:44 AM Manuel : its not about “giving up the power” as the PUA self proclaimed guru’s would call it
1:31:57 AM Manuel : I think it’s about not giving up your masculinity
1:32:11 AM Khiem : well… it’s simple
1:32:18 AM Khiem : it has nothing to do about giving or not giving
1:32:28 AM Khiem : it’s the simple act of staying true to yourself
1:32:39 AM Khiem : it’s not the “act” of trying to be masculine
1:32:44 AM Khiem : it’s the act of BEING who you are
1:32:48 AM Khiem : you are masculine at your core
1:32:51 AM Khiem : you know what you want
1:32:54 AM Khiem : you know what you care about
1:33:13 AM Khiem : if you always ARE that way… and don’t compromise that core identity when in relationsihp with a woman
1:33:18 AM Khiem : she perceives you as very masculine
1:33:28 AM Khiem : it’s not an act… it’s a way of BEING
1:34:54 AM Manuel : makes sense
1:35:09 AM Manuel : hell, you should just blog our discussion!
1:35:32 AM Manuel : that in itself would be a unique way to present the information
1:35:59 AM Khiem : maybe I will
1:36:00 AM Khiem : not sure yet
1:36:09 AM Khiem : I like to present my points well, if you know what I mean
1:38:39 AM Manuel : haha
1:38:43 AM Manuel : take cuts
1:38:48 AM Manuel : like a producer
1:38:50 AM Manuel : haha
1:38:58 AM Manuel : director, should i say
1:39:06 AM Manuel : i def see what you mean though
1:41:52 AM Khiem : cuts….
1:41:53 AM Khiem : geez
1:41:58 AM Khiem : what do you think I am?
1:42:06 AM Khiem : I can’t do “cuts” of the same writing?
1:42:13 AM Khiem : it’d be like… super gay!
1:42:21 AM Khiem : or I actually coined a new term today… “way gay”
1:42:26 AM Khiem : it’s “way gay”
1:42:29 AM Khiem : it has a nice ring to it
1:45:25 AM Manuel : haha
1:45:28 AM Manuel : way gay
1:45:46 AM Manuel : just started reading your new entry
1:45:52 AM Manuel : adam lyons
1:46:52 AM Manuel : wicked shit
1:47:14 AM Manuel : “When you make people feel comfortable around you, when you make people feel desired… and when you focus on giving people a good time, there is a feeling of magical-ness.  People just follow.”
1:47:26 AM Manuel : (I absolutely love this)
1:48:45 AM Khiem : why do you like this, huh?
1:52:08 AM Manuel : its something I experienced in college my friend
1:52:16 AM Manuel : when I led my student organization
1:52:25 AM Manuel : this quote just captures it
1:52:36 AM Manuel : brought back a memory of who I once was
1:52:41 AM Manuel : deep down I still am
1:53:03 AM Manuel : I have just not found how to reapply what I use to do in college
1:53:09 AM Manuel : to the realm of life after college
1:53:28 AM Manuel : this quote is not just about picking up women…its about life in general
1:55:50 AM Khiem : well yes
1:55:58 AM Khiem : a lot of what I teach can be applied to broader things
1:56:06 AM Khiem : I just teach it THRU the medium of picking up chicks
1:56:51 AM Manuel : HA
1:56:56 AM Manuel : great entry
1:57:09 AM Manuel : I really enjoyed that!
1:57:17 AM Manuel : so even at the end…
1:57:24 AM Manuel : he failed to swallow his pride
1:57:28 AM Manuel : and say hello
1:57:36 AM Manuel : these guys lack something my friend
1:57:45 AM Khiem : oh the PUA guy lol
1:57:50 AM Khiem : well I don’t know if he recognized her
1:57:50 AM Manuel : not sure if its inner confidence
1:57:52 AM Khiem : so i dunno
1:57:58 AM Manuel : oh ok
1:58:01 AM Manuel : funny though
1:58:02 AM Khiem : I only heard the girl’s side
1:58:21 AM Khiem : I mean … as bad as your memory is.. you usually remember face don’t you?
2:01:42 AM Manuel : yes
2:02:00 AM Manuel : who was he an instructor for?
2:02:04 AM Manuel : what company?
2:02:17 AM Khiem : [Editor's note:  information edited out for privacy reasons]
2:04:37 AM Khiem : so you tell me!!!
2:04:44 AM Khiem : all I can think about is… it’s funny
2:04:53 AM Khiem : you tried to hit on my g/f’s sister a few years back
2:04:57 AM Khiem : she ignored you
2:05:04 AM Khiem : you tried to then hit up my g/f a few years back
2:05:10 AM Khiem : she was somewhat attached… and she didn’t go out with you
2:05:14 AM Khiem : and now.. I date her…
2:05:19 AM Khiem : and she’s attached to me like glue
2:06:03 AM Manuel : haha
2:08:38 AM Khiem : you should check some of my other blogs if you want
2:08:41 AM Khiem : it’s fun stuff [Editor's notes:  Manuel hasn't read my latest blog entries for a while]
2:09:00 AM Manuel : def
2:09:04 AM Manuel : i normally do
2:09:23 AM Manuel : Khiem, its hard for me to believe how clueless i was at this man
2:09:39 AM Manuel : i was just thinking back to costa rica 3 years ago
2:09:59 AM Manuel : one girl, I failed to kiss and ended all the magic that night with that little move
2:10:29 AM Manuel : and this other lady, who was married, (granted I was not attracted to her)
2:10:52 AM Manuel : she took me up to her room while she called her husband “real quick” to check in before we went back down for some beers
2:10:56 AM Manuel : and I thought nothing of it
2:11:05 AM Manuel : wow…unbelievable
2:12:10 AM Khiem : b/c you weren’t “ready” to see the real opportunities
2:12:16 AM Khiem : guys who are good with girls SEE the opportunity
2:12:22 AM Khiem : just like good business men smell opportunity
2:13:30 AM Manuel : yes, i see that now
2:13:40 AM Manuel : hell, even as late as last year
2:13:46 AM Manuel : already in the community
2:14:04 AM Manuel : I had no idea how to pick up on women’s innuendo’s, etc..etc..
2:14:09 AM Manuel : twice i can remember..
2:14:36 AM Manuel : once with Jack, when i first wen out with him a girl is out with a guy, and another “couple”. I assume they are together
2:14:40 AM Manuel : so think nothing
2:14:44 AM Manuel : i head to bar
2:14:59 AM Manuel : say hi, she is quite welcoming, offers me a drink
2:15:02 AM Manuel : gets one for Jack too
2:15:05 AM Manuel : i’m thinking cool
2:15:36 AM Manuel : got to the “where are you from?” she responds with, “Oh, i live in Jersey, I am actually here for one night.”
2:15:51 AM Manuel : I respond with “oh okay”
2:15:56 AM Manuel : completely oblivious
2:19:21 AM Khiem : and… how does that make u feel now?
2:19:48 AM Manuel : it def gives meaning to that damn saying…
2:20:01 AM Manuel : If I only knew then what I know now
2:20:30 AM Khiem : exactly what I say all the time
2:20:42 AM Manuel : I feel slightly down about all the missed opportunities
2:21:09 AM Manuel : but very thankful for the knowledge I was fortunate to learn
2:21:27 AM Manuel : better to know now than 20 years from now
2:21:29 AM Khiem : hahaha ok
2:21:40 AM Manuel : I see so many guys that just settle for “a girl”
2:21:49 AM Manuel : not a girl they love or have great chemistry with
2:21:53 AM Manuel : just “a girl”
2:22:12 AM Manuel : because they honestly don’t know any better
2:22:23 AM Manuel : and have left this dept of their life completely to chance
2:22:51 AM Manuel : they are glad to simply have “a girl”
2:23:03 AM Manuel : much like the people who are just glad to have “a job”
2:23:15 AM Manuel : heck, maybe that’s another good topic to address
2:23:33 AM Khiem : ahhaah
2:23:39 AM Khiem : are you on an inspiring kick or what?
2:23:39 AM Manuel : write about the guys that never find “this”
2:23:49 AM Manuel :
2:23:54 AM Khiem : well Manny… sometimes ignorance is bliss
2:23:57 AM Khiem : b/c you don’t know about it
2:23:59 AM Khiem : you don’t miss out on it
2:24:07 AM Khiem : and therefore you don’t get miserable for it
2:24:14 AM Khiem : same thing with developing countries
2:24:16 AM Khiem : they are overall happier
2:24:20 AM Khiem : b/c they don’t know what they miss out
2:24:19 AM Manuel : deep down inside
2:24:26 AM Khiem : so they just enjoy the simplicity of things
2:24:32 AM Manuel : i do think some are completely unaware
2:24:48 AM Manuel : but I also believe that many of them know
2:24:52 AM Manuel : deep down inside
2:25:02 AM Manuel : just like many people know they settled for a job in accounting or whatever
2:25:13 AM Manuel : sure things turn out nice
2:25:22 AM Manuel : and you can get pleasure from other areas
2:25:31 AM Manuel : but many of us know
2:26:13 AM Manuel : i think too many people focus on the getting laid part of learning this stuff
2:26:24 AM Manuel : but in reality, there is a deeper level
2:26:39 AM Manuel : learning this stuff is about more than just getting laid
2:27:28 AM Khiem : well you get that
2:27:31 AM Khiem : not everyone gets that
2:27:42 AM Manuel : its about obtaining the knowledge to understand yourself , women, and attraction, so that you can be fully confident to go for what you really want
2:27:44 AM Khiem : and b/c they are at a different level of emotional maturity
2:27:49 AM Manuel : what you are passionate about
2:27:51 AM Khiem : it’s all about understanding yourself
2:27:58 AM Khiem : women is only a reflection of your understanding of yourself
2:28:03 AM Manuel : the woman and/or women that really make you tick
2:28:19 AM Manuel : and the one’s you make tick
2:29:26 AM Manuel : you always have the greatest little quotes
2:29:28 AM Manuel :
2:29:32 AM Khiem : hahaah thanks
2:29:37 AM Manuel : i need to start putting those on my wall
2:29:41 AM Khiem : I don’t try to come up with catchy phrases
2:29:48 AM Manuel : i know
2:29:52 AM Manuel : that’s the beauty
2:29:54 AM Manuel : haha
2:30:04 AM Manuel : i know you well enough to realize that
2:30:23 AM Manuel : to the point where I have to stop you on the phone and say “Khiem! write that down!
2:30:28 AM Manuel : its good stuff
2:30:52 AM Manuel : with your responding “what was it i said again”
2:30:54 AM Khiem : well I’m still learning to recognize my own genius at times
2:32:55 AM Manuel : you and I, we would never work out
2:33:04 AM Manuel : you’re like my cocky little brother
2:33:13 AM Manuel : I am sooooo not your type [Editor's note:  this is a joking reference to my previous post about the PUA using that cocky and funny line to talk to my girlfriend's little sister]
2:33:15 AM Khiem : I had lunch with an former client today… and he was reminding me of the stuff I said that he found valuable during his bootcamp
2:33:19 AM Khiem : and I still dont’ remember what I told him lol
2:33:28 AM Manuel : hehe
2:33:59 AM Manuel : you have a profound way to you man
2:34:04 AM Manuel : my buddies told me that
2:34:08 AM Manuel : when you did that speech in NYC
2:34:17 AM Manuel : I have always known that
2:34:25 AM Manuel : I honestly think of you as a life mentor
2:34:27 AM Manuel : haha
2:34:44 AM Khiem : thanks… but as profound as I was… I don’t think I got any of them kickstarted to do something about it
2:34:49 AM Khiem : they think it sounds cool
2:34:52 AM Khiem : and they go on with their merry life
2:34:57 AM Manuel : comes from within
2:35:11 AM Manuel : you have to want it
2:35:16 AM Manuel : or recognize it
2:35:24 AM Manuel : recognize the value
2:36:02 AM Manuel : ha….I tell Candice about you
2:36:18 AM Manuel : i always think it would be funny as hell for her to meet you
2:36:28 AM Manuel : especially if you tell her what you do
2:36:32 AM Khiem : why’s that?  she probably wouldn’t see that side of me
2:36:32 AM Manuel : LoL
2:36:39 AM Khiem : like she’d get the whole dating coaching
2:36:46 AM Khiem : but not the profound stuff you and I talk about
2:36:49 AM Manuel : yeah
2:36:57 AM Manuel : right, i mean the dating coach stuff
2:37:03 AM Manuel : profound side is diff
2:38:44 AM Khiem : talking to you makes me want to write
2:38:47 AM Khiem : I hate you for that sometimes
2:38:52 AM Khiem : b/c it’s late at night and I should go to bed!
2:39:00 AM Khiem : but then again, I enjoy it
2:39:04 AM Manuel : LoL
2:39:26 AM Manuel : honestly, I am inspired right now
2:39:39 AM Manuel : i noticed that learning from you always does that
2:39:52 AM Khiem : honestly, if you feel inspired, write me letters LOL… or emails…
2:39:52 AM Manuel : I need to get my ass up to L.A. just to hang with you guys
2:39:57 AM Manuel : it would do me good
2:40:02 AM Khiem : b/c those are the things that puts my creativity in high gear
2:40:13 AM Khiem : when I hear that from someone, it puts me in a writing mood
2:40:19 AM Khiem : or in a mood to talk/explain/discuss
2:40:25 AM Khiem : when someone tells me write a book
2:40:29 AM Khiem : and I sit by myself on the comp
2:40:32 AM Khiem : I get a blank mind
2:40:39 AM Khiem : b/c there’s a lot to say… but where do I start?
2:40:51 AM Manuel : makes sense
2:40:56 AM Khiem : if I had your questions… or your inspirations… or anyone who found some of the stuff I say useful
2:40:59 AM Khiem : it gives me a starting point
2:41:02 AM Khiem : and that’s really all I need
2:41:08 AM Khiem : that… starting point
2:41:11 AM Khiem : and then I start writing

2:42:00 AM Manuel : maybe I do need to move to L.A. for a bit
2:42:28 AM Manuel : for some reason you inspire me to do great things with my life
2:42:36 AM Manuel : not just with women
2:43:23 AM Khiem : really?
2:43:29 AM Khiem : I didn’t know I had that effect on you
2:43:30 AM Manuel : yeah man
2:43:39 AM Manuel : yes sir
2:43:54 AM Manuel : i take most of the stuff we talk about and apply it to everything in my life
2:44:00 AM Manuel : it has profound meaning to me
2:44:03 AM Manuel : like you said
2:44:14 AM Manuel : you teach it through attraction and seduction
2:44:34 AM Manuel : but your principles go beyond that
2:44:45 AM Manuel : some guys don’t “get it”
2:44:47 AM Manuel : i do
2:45:33 AM Manuel : comments like this…
2:45:35 AM Manuel : “When you make people feel comfortable around you, when you make people feel desired… and when you focus on giving people a good time, there is a feeling of magical-ness.  People just follow.”
2:45:44 AM Manuel : carry much weight with me
2:45:55 AM Manuel : probably more so than many other fellas
2:46:09 AM Manuel : because i know and have experienced exactly what you mean
2:46:41 AM Khiem : well that’s the thing… you recognize it b/c you experienced it
2:46:47 AM Khiem : I write about it… but not everyone sees it
2:48:05 AM Manuel : you know Khiem, without sounding “way gay”
2:48:46 AM Manuel : for as little time as I have known you, my relationship with you is what I imagine it feels like to have a big brother
2:48:56 AM Manuel : deep down, I know you care
2:49:01 AM Manuel : i fell it
2:49:03 AM Manuel : i feel it
2:49:18 AM Manuel : and I am sure you are the same way with your clients and your other friends
2:49:32 AM Manuel : that to me, is what makes you a stand out in my book
2:50:17 AM Khiem : awww … thanks man!
2:51:17 AM Manuel : thanks to you, buddy

Well, there you have it!  This is a glimpse of the kind of stuff I talk to friends and long-term clients.  If you have a topic idea or a question you really want to know my take on, shoot me an e-mail.

I love to hear from you guys.

Cheers!

As much time as PUAs spend on learning advanced social and dating skills, they aren’t always so subtle (or good) when they are talking to women.

I can always smell them!

Last month, I went with David Wygant to the PUA Summit 2009 in Hollywood for his talk.  I knew that if I brought my girflriend, I might have to protect her from guys oogling at her… or worse, from guys trying to practice their recently learned techniques on her.  Nonetheless, I decided to take her along.

I’ve told her about the Seduction Community before.  She’s never seen anything Community related so she was pretty excited to discover what this whole movement was about.

As I arrived at the Renaissance hotel, I started scanning the room for familiar faces.  There were quite a lot more people this time around that I didn’t know.  I guess that’s what happens when I don’t actively keep in touch with people in the Community.  I definitely wasn’t familiar with some of the speakers listed on the schedule.

We entered the room quietly in the middle of Adam Lyon’s speech and sat in the back.  I love Adam!  I think the world of him.  He and his wife Amanda are the nicest people.  I wish I’d get to see them more often but as much as I like him, I didn’t like his speech as much as the other years.  As a speaker, he’s absolutely fantastic!  He always wow the crowd with his humor and stories.  What I didn’t like was his message (at least the part of the message I caught).

In his talk, he explained to the guys how you can almost guarantee success in transitioning to sex with a woman by justifying your every move… even if it didn’t completely make logical sense.  As long as you give a seemingly valid reason to why you are doing this or that with her, why you are leading her somewhere, she will follow.

From a psychological perspective, that’s pretty interesting!  It shows you that people don’t really think for themselves that much.  As long as what you are doing makes some sense and that you do it with enough conviction, people will just follow.  Honestly, it’s kind of scary to me.  It just shows me how stupid we really are as human beings, but oh well…

The reason I didn’t like his message is simple.

In my world, if you are a powerful and genuine guy who kind of embodies the lover for women, you don’t have to justify anything!  Sex with you just happens (or so that’s what women say)!  It feels like a fairy tale.  For them, being with you feels natural and right.  It just happens because you understand how women get turned on.  You understand that women love the idea of being swept away… and YOU are that guy who lets them live their own romantic comedy or sexual fantasy through you!

If you have to justify anything to her, you probably didn’t do a good job at making her feel comfortable and connected to her.  You raised a red flag somewhere in her subconscious if she has to stop and ask you why you are doing this… or where are you two going.

When you make people feel comfortable around you, when you make people feel desired… and when you focus on giving people a good time, there is a feeling of magical-ness.  People just follow.

People can’t say no to pleasure that comes from a genuine place.  Be that source of pleasure.

I don’t think I’ve ever had to justify anything to a woman when it comes down to getting it on.  It’s called leading for a reason.  Leading implies that she  willingly chooses to follow you because you make her comfortable to be with you.  If she didn’t feel comfortable with you and your decisions, that’d be called persuasion or manipulation.

When a woman is with me… it is assumed that she (eventually) WANTS it from me!

It is the natural order of things.  If I’m an attractive guy, if I’m fun, if I’m all these nice things, why wouldn’t she want to be with me? Why wouldn’t she want to get it from me?

I don’t get sex from women.  I give sex to them.

I don’t know how much pickup material you have learned but you really want to be that guy… that powerful guy who just makes women feel good around him.  If you are good to them, why would they resist you?  Would you need to ever justify your moves to them?

Anyway… while in the middle of my thoughts, my girlfriend nudged me.

Me:  Yes babe?

Her:  OMG, he’s here!!!

Me:  Who?

Her:  Do you remember that guy I told you about ?  The guy that my sister had as a “date” on the day she met her husband?  He’s here!!!”

Me:  Really?  Where? (she points him out to me) Oh my god!  I told you so!  I knew he was a Pickup Artist!

Her:  I can’t believe you were right.  I can’t believe we thought he was gay too!

You see… my girlfriend has a younger sister in her mid-twenties who is married.  When I met her, I got all curious and I had to ask her the obvious question:

“how did you meet your husband (let’s call him ‘Kevin’)?”

It turned out:  she met him at a bar!  As she was about to order a drink from behind him, he started talking to her.  He was so fun and engaging that she invited him to tag along and hang out with her friends… something that her “date” wasn’t too fond of when he arrived a bit later.

I put the word “date” in quotation marks because it wasn’t a formal date.  She met, let’s say “Mitch”, a few days prior… and just invited him out with her friends with no expectations.

Little did she know that “Mitch” kind of fancied her.  He drove all the way from Newport Beach to Pasadena to hang out with her.  That’s a good hour or hour and a half drive so you can understand how he wasn’t too pleased when he saw Kevin being in the way.

Not knowing how to handle the new guy in the group, “Mitch” did what most PUAs know how to do.  He started to play games.  He started flirting with her friends… and her sister (aka my to-be-current girlfriend).  Most of her friends were either already attached or just not interested.  As such, he started making his rounds talking to other women.

In PUA world, that’s what you call jealousy plot lines.  He was trying to draw attention back to himself by showing how cool and desirable he really was to other people.

The funny thing was… nobody cared!

My girlfriend’s younger sister thought he was gay for a while.  While teasing her, “Mitch” used the classic PUA line:  ”Oh no.. you and I, we can never be.  You are like my little sister!”

In her mind, that didn’t compute.  Here is an attractive girl who’s single and out to have fun… so what kind of guy must he be to drive all the way from Newport Beach to Pasadena to hang out with her when he only thinks of her as a sister?  He MUST be gay, especially since he was wearing eyeliner too (even if that could be explained because he plays in a band).

This is the common mistakes PUAs make.  They don’t see the big picture AND they think everything is a game.

Attraction is not a game.  It’s an emotional and physical feeling.  Can you make the woman feel the symptoms of sexual desire?  Attraction is the art of making people FEEL good inside and out.

Would my girlfriend’s little sister get jealous if he talked to other girls?  Sure…. ONLY if she already liked him and she was feeling neglected.

Could my girlfriend’s lille sister pay him more attention in spite of having “Kevin the new guy” there?  Sure… only if “Mitch” could show himself to be more meaningful to her life at that time.  In this case and context, he would need to be more fun and more interesting to her and the group.

People don’t care about you.  People don’t care about you until you make yourself meaningful to them in some way or fashion.

If “Mitch” really wanted to make this work for himself, he should have made himself significant to the group.  He should have presented himself as THE source of fun and pleasure.  Instead, he started to play classic PUA games.  Done the right way, PUA tactics can hit the right emotional cords but here, you can see what happened.

If you do any of the weird things PUAs do?  I can smell it…. and so can women.  They may not be able to explain it the way I do, but they sense it.

The irony of the story?  A few years back when all this happened, “Mitch” also tried to go out with my girlfriend (she wasn’t my girlfriend then) and she ignored him.

Today, he is listed as a coach for a seduction company in the PUA Summit 2009 booklet and throughout the PUA Summit weekend, he never acknowledged her or tried to talk to her.  He pretended not to know her at all.

To me… THAT is funny!

On one hand, I love it!

It’s the one place where you can openly discuss dating and pickup with other similar minded people.  It’s the one event where you can meet and talk directly to the gurus you’ve learned and read from on the internet for years!

I would be a hypocrite if I didn’t admit that I learned a lot from it when I was still exploring the Pickup Community.

It’s thanks to the PUA Summit that I connected with Johnny Wolf, Vince Kelvin, Adam Lyons and other really nice guys!

This year, they had some of the big names again:  David Wygant, Adam Lyons, Speer, Asian Playboy, Hypnotica, Mehow, Daniel Rose, Bad Boy, Brad P., DJ Fuji and many more!  They even had Kosmo speak there.  If you forgot, he’s the season 2 winner of Mystery’s reality TV show “The Pickup Artist” on VH1.

No matter what you are expecting from a convention like this, you won’t be disappointed.  If you need a few new techniques to add to your arsenal of seduction skills, many of the speakers will share with you what they know.  If you wanted to ask some of them about your personal situation, you can get some quick Q&A in after each presentation.  If you just wanted to wrap yourself around the mindset behind how to be a cool and attractive guy, you’d get that too!

It’s at events like the PUA Summit that you can find out for yourself who’s the real deal.  Which guru do you connect and relate to the most?  How do you like their vibe?  How do you like how they carry themselves?  This is where you can find out if you really want to be like them, if you really want to continue learning from them.  Honestly, some of these gurus don’t have very good looking girlfriends.

Worse, I don’t know if I would consider some of these women “high quality”  (in the sense of… what do they bring to your life outside of sex and/or being your arm candy).

But again, I’m not judging here.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

The PUA Summit has matured a lot since its first year in 2007.  This time, there’s no strippers dancing at intermissions, no smoke machines and crazy lights.  There are useful booths from various vendors that are meant to add value to your life.  For example, you can get a relaxing massage… or you can talk to Erin Stelzer, the fashion consultant who’ll give you tips for a quick image make-over.

There were also a lot more press coverage this time around.  I met a few people who were there on assignment to hopefully have a story for their respective newspaper or blog.  The other great thing about this year’s PUA Summit was… gasp… there were some women in attendance this time around

Isn’t that why you are trying to learn pickup in the first place?

On the other hand, I hate it.

I feel that for most guys out there, the PUA Summit is way too much information to digest at once.  There’s a lot of techniques discussed here… and for most of guys who just want a little helping hand in finding a girlfriend, it’s too much.  They aren’t ready for that.  Not everyone is trying to be the next Don Juan.

In some ways, I feel that PUA teachings sometimes over-complicate the whole process of man meets woman, man dates woman, man hooks-up with woman.

It starts with you developing some basic personality skills.  Can you engage a girl in a way that intrigues her, that makes her curious about you? Then it continues with:  can you listen attentively enough to her to relate to her and really make her feel special?  And it ends with… can you carry yourself normally, casually (aka in a non-creepy, non-threatening way), confidently and powerfully in the way you walk and talk?

It’s really not that hard when you understand the basics, when you are more honest with yourself and when you really learn to respect the man in you, including the sexual creature in you.  Women feel that!  Women know when you are turned on by them.  But you’ve got to do it in a way that’s congruent and genuine.

When you do, that’s when women respond to you positively.

You’ve got to build that ability to emotionally impact her by your personality, by your lifestyle, by who you are.  You’ve got to develop yourself into the guy she can see herself with, to which she can feel inspired by.

In the end, attraction is a mirror.  You’ve got to develop yourself into that powerful and wonderful man that I know you are inside if you want to attract the caliber of woman I know you want.

So the question I ask now is… is it something you can learn through the mastery of an endless set of techniques?  Is there a magic trick you can use to get the woman you want?

I sure hope that’s not what you were looking for from the PUA Summit because you’d get that… but you may be chasing smokes and mirrors.

Being attractive is about your attitude, your mindset, your identity, your lifestyle.

The great thing about the PUA Summit is you’ll get a lot of ideas on how you can improve all the things I’ve mentioned above, but like in any other convention, the abundance of information may confuse you more than help you.  In addition, are you really going to take the time to apply what you’ve learned?  The PUA Summit gives you a great forum for you to find the knowledge AND the people to help you get where you want but if you aren’t going to apply it, what does it matter?

Take in as much as you can but don’t get bogged down by all the little details.  The worst thing you could do leaving the PUA Summit is to try to over-analyze everything you’ve learned.  Put into practice what resonated most with you and see how it works.

As much as I see the benefit the PUA Summit offers to many men, I can’t see it ever becoming mainstream.  After coming back for the 3rd year in a row, I still wouldn’t tell my friends that I’m going to a PUA Summit.

As soon as I entered the room, I saw a sea of men dressed in variations of Affliction style of t-shirts and jeans.  Lots of guys were dressed as if they were bad-asses.  Lots of guys were dressed as if they were going out at night.  Lots of them had bling bling that made no sense at all.

For Christ’s sake, this is day time!!!  Who dress like that?  If I didn’t know better, I would have called them douchebags.  Some of these men were definitely trying too hard to be cool… and honestly, that didn’t make me want to really associate myself with them.

In short, I recommend the PUA Summit to anyone who’s a little curious about the Pickup Community.  I definitely recommend it to anyone who’s an aspiring Pickup Artist.  Know what you want out of it, go to it, get it and get out.

However, for anyone who’s a little bit more mainstream, who just wants to know a few things or two about women, the PUA Summit would be too much and would turn them off more than truly help them.