When I meet a client, I love learning about who they are and where they come from.  I take pride in just listening to their stories and deepest darkest insecurities.

I usually feel humbled by their own experiences but also very privileged that they trust that kind information to me.  It is important to me to really understand who you are before I can coach you because in the end, no matter what we work on together, I don’t want you to become another me.

I want you to be  you… the most attractive, cool and confident you.

However, it’s always interesting to hear my clients think that their romantic problems are unique to themselves.  You know what?  You are not alone!  A lot of other people face the same fears.

Dig deep insider of you.  Are you afraid of liking women?  Are women scary to you?  Does sex scare you?

There’s actually a reason why I prefer group coaching sessions instead of private ones.  During a group bootcamp, clients have the chance to learn from each other.

Instead of comparing themselves to me or David Wygant who’ve both already gone through our own shares of pains and tribulations, they get to see other people in their own shoes.  They get to see how other people have learned from their own mistakes and how they overcame their own limiting beliefs.

It’s group therapy!

The key to romantic success is simpler than they believe.  Guys who come for coaching all have the same debilitating fears that prevent them from having the best dating lives they can want.  In no particular order:

1. Women need to be impressed, courted or won over… aka… I don’t think I am good enough for her
2. Women don’t like sex… aka… I’m afraid of liking women for sex / I’m ashamed of my sexuality
3. Women don’t like sex with me… aka… I don’t think I’m good in bed
4. Women don’t want to be talked to or disturbed… aka… I have nothing to bring to the conversation
5. Women have it easier in dating… aka… I don’t believe I actually have the power of choice
6. Meeting someone is hard… aka… I don’t like to or know how to socialize with strangers
7. Sex with a woman implies she’ll expect a committed relationship with you… aka… I confuse gender roles with sexual polarity/tension
8. She has to be “the one”… aka… I don’t believe in abundance and therefore put her on a pedestal and fantasize about how great she is instead of really knowing how she is.
9. Women like to be chased… aka… I believe women have the power and just use men
10. A date or a phone number is a big deal… aka…  I am not comfortable or has little experience with being with a woman alone
11. Hotter women are bitchier or are harder to get… aka… I don’t understand women’s emotional wiring AND I am insecure about why a woman would like me
12. Women are hypocrites.  They always wait for men to initiate contact, why don’t they approach men too?… aka… I refuse to embrace my role as a man who recognizes the power and understands the advantage of making the first move

I’m sure there are more you can come up with but off the top of my head, those were the most common ones I remember.

In today’s post, I won’t tell you how to overcome these limiting beliefs but I want to ask you to evaluate yourself right now.  I want you to try to find your own answers.

• Are you subconsciously creating and upholding negative filters of your social and romantic experiences?
• Are your current beliefs conducive to you achieving the romantic goals you have for yourself?
• If not, what kind of activities or experiences are you pursuing in life that would help you create new, more productive and “better suited” beliefs?

Attraction can be achieved through two things:  your lifestyle and/or your personality.

As of right now, for you to achieve your romantic goals, what should you work on first:  your life (getting a certain amount of life and work experiences, in other words becoming more interesting) or your game (your personality and ability to evoke emotions)?

Until next time!

The first time we met, you didn’t know who or what I was.

There was something that called me over.  From first impressions, you seemed nice.  From first impressions, I was fun.

There was an air about you that intrigued me.  Maybe it was the way you talked, the way you looked, the way you smiled, the way you moved.  I do not know.

I was a little hesitant at the beginning.  Would you be worthy of me?  Would you accept me for me?

As I talked to you, you opened up to me, you shared yourself with me, you made me feel relaxed around you, you made me laugh.

Pleasurable sensations tickled my body when I was thinking about you.

As I got to know you, I felt pulled to you by that invisible force.  Was I being hooked by you or were you being hooked by me?

No matter what we did together, you seemed mesmerized by me.  It was as if you were being hypnotized by me.

Every time I laid eyes on you, I electrified the air around you, I made you giggle, I made you feel like a kid inside.

Together, the outside world seemed to disappear.

Late nights together never felt long enough.

Midnight talks only made us long for the next morning when we’d talk again.

Thoughts of you were never ending.  Memories of me were never enough.  Dreams of us were only more enthralling.

Every time I kissed you, you melted inside.  Every time you kissed me, I felt my heart growing to never ending sizes.

Every time we touched, we could hear our hearts palpitate just a bit faster with excitement.

When with you, I could hear you breathing more alive.  When with me, you could hear my heart sometimes skip a beat.

Just being with me made you feel stronger.  Just being with you made me feel invincible, invulnerable.  Somehow we came together magically.  We supported each other.

Together, the stars seemed not so distant.  Together, we could shake the earth.

Truth be told, you were never looking for me.  Truth be told, I wasn’t expecting anything from you either.

Meeting me took you by surprise.  Meeting you could only be seen as a blessing.

As blissful as our time together was, I wasn’t perfect.  I made you struggle.  I made you question your values, your worth, your goals.  I sometimes turned your world upside down.  I made you fear losing me just as I was afraid of you disconnecting from me.

For every time I thought nothing about us could change or go wrong, you challenged my very core, my beliefs, my strength.  I started to doubt myself but you made me learn patience, determination, kindness and faith.

You inspired me to become bigger than life.  I inspired you to never fear again.

Perfection through the lens of imperfection is still perfection. I see bits of me in you just as I see bits of you in me.

Who are you?

Who am I?

We are both one and the same.

I am Love.

I am the love that gives you wings when you feel down just as I am the love that makes you doubt yourself when you feel strong.

You/I are the greatest gift we can give to someone… yet the greatest challenge to one another.

Like a mirror, I am you and you are me.  I am the foe and the ally.

Can you embrace me, just as I am, both the fear and the excitement because it is in my nature…

For I am Love.

… And I can not die.

You can feel it.

You can almost smell it.

On the surface, everything looks fine… but for the more emotionally in-tuned of you, it’s a feeling you can’t miss.  It’s the vibe you get when you see two people who were once in love now being disconnected.  Their eyes lack the fire that once made them come alive.  Their eyes wander.  Their motion feel out of sync.  Their soul scream quietly for attention, for affection, for love.

When you pay close attention, you can see so much in people.

That’s what I saw when I watched “Natalie,” a friend, at my family’s Memorial weekend barbecue.

She moved around the house caring for her two young children (less than 2  years old) with an empty gaze.  As beautiful as she was, her body looked tired.  Her husband was on the other side of the house socializing and mingling.

They took turns watching over the kids… but their interaction together felt emotionless.  I didn’t hear any words of caring or love towards one another.  Even when talking to each other, they moved like two people living in their own bubbles.

When food was served, the husband went and filled his plate just to come back to watch over the kids while “Natalie” went to fill hers.

There was no “what can I get you babe?” or “sweetheart, you should try this… it’s really good!”

After 15 minutes of the kid playing in the jacuzzi, the husband asked “Natalie” to take the the little girl out of the water to avoid sun burns.  ”Natalie” pleaded for a little more time to let her smiling child enjoy the water a bit longer.  She was having such a blast!

However, not soon thereafter, “Natalie” finally gave in and pulled her daughter out of the hot tub:  ”Come on out, your dad doesn’t want you in the water too long.  He said we need to go home.”

Why such cold and disconnected choice of words?

It’s something I call the little death.  It can happen in any relationship.  It slowly creeps in when you least expect it but it’s the feeling you get when you know deep inside your relationship isn’t going the way you’d like it to go.

Maybe you had a fight, maybe something your partner said hurt you, maybe it’s the lack of quality time spent together, maybe it’s a friend, family member or even work coming in between you… but something is dying inside of you.  Whether temporary or permanent, you feel shut out from your partner.

Your heart is empty.  The fire is missing.  You seem to desire your partner less… and even that doesn’t seem to bother you, or does it?

In my industry, people ask me all the time how to date well.  Truth is… dating is the easy part of your romantic journey.  If you know how to have fun, if you know how to let yourself out, if you know how to listen, it’s not that hard to find someone willing to tag along with you even for a night.

On the other hand, keeping your relationship alive, whether casual or committed,  is much much harder.  So I’m here to ask you today:  what do you do when you feel something inside of you is dying?

At the end of the day, do you connect back with your lover no matter how difficult it may seem at the moment or do you let the divide brew slowly under the surface?

It’s easy to blame things or someone else for your relationship problems.  It’s even easier to do nothing and let time pass.  My challenge to you is:  what are you willing to do about it?  When things become difficult, do you keep on checking for the potential way out?

I remember a fight I had with my ex girlfriend.  She poured out a lot onto me.  Her argument was heartfelt and I was completely overwhelmed by it.  I needed some time away to just think it through.  I needed to take a walk.

At that very moment, she said the simplest thing:  ”Would you like me to walk with you?”

So we took a silent walk for a while.  Our hands eventually intertwined.  Our hearts came back together.

That’s when I knew, at least for now, we were going to be ok.

That alone… meant the world to me.

If you are having dating or relationship problems, contact me.  It’s time you do something about it.