Kitchen Retro

A Man With Two Swans On His Head

2012-05-26T10:34:00.002-04:00

Here's a little something different - still retro, and definitely kitsch (though a really fancy kind of kitsch) - but, well, not an ad. Almost a male version of a Maidenform ad: "I Dreamed I Had Two Swans On My Head in My Savile Row Tuxedo."

We don't always have to look at ads here, do we? I was going to do a coffee ad, as it happens, because I'm sitting here with my elegant instant coffee. And it inspired me to find one of those Elsie the Borden Cow ads from 1949 where Elsie and her whole family are barging in on some hapless household, mooing about Borden instant coffee.

Sorry, Bjork, you're not the first to do this

But then a few pages on, I found this. A good fifty years before Bjork! Why "sculptor Sforzino Sforza" - say that five times fast if you can! - looks so glum, I cannot say. How can you possibly be glum with a double-swan hat on your head (please don't tell me if they are/were real swans, because that would be awful, and definitely reason to be glum).

Anyway, you'll be glad to know that this is not how he dresses to go sculpt in his studio. No, the swan-bedecked Sforzino was at a costume party in Paris. His dad, Count Sforza (sans swans) was the Minister of Foreign Affairs. Oh, and the article says he was signing the Atlantic Pact (also known as the North Atlantic Treaty, which created NATO).

I can't quite picture the Count with two swans on his head, can you? Although it would have livened things up in Washington. Great photo op. Over here you can see him signing the Atlantic Pact. Little generation gap there, I guess.

The House of Sforza, in Milan, was one of the great ruling families of Renaissance Italy. Lots of pictures of them over at Wikipedia (lazy linking strikes again!) - not a one with anything as interesting as a swan on their heads, though.

Late Breaking Newsflash: Over at D-Listed you can see a photo of birthday girl Helena Bonham Carter with - yes! a swan on her head! Coincidence? I think NOT. But sorry, Helena, this does not mean you are being ornithologically edgy - because Sforzino has definitely got this fashion trend in the bag. Or rather, on his head.

A Good Ladies' Watch

2012-05-24T14:29:00.000-04:00

19th century French chatelaine (Wikimedia)

Pocket watches were traditionally the preserve of gentlemen, and given as presents by fathers to sons. My grandfather's father gave him his gold pocket watch when he was starting out as a young stenographer around 1916.

But did you know that ladies had their version of pocket watches, too? They were popular presents for ladies young and old: watches were not only practical, but incredibly beautiful and decorative, too. But a lady did not wear her watch on a pocket chain and stuck in a waistcoat pocket, as gentlemen did. Her watch would be part of the Victorian lady's version of a waist pack (but far more elegant, of course) known as a chatelaine.

A chatelaine is, at its simplest, a sort of belt hook with chains hanging off of it. But the hook was usually gilded and bejeweled in the most elaborate style, like a piece of jewellery. And from its chains you could hang all sorts of useful things. The earliest chatelaines simply held a bunch of keys - those that the mistress of the house (la châtelaine, in French) wore at her waist while she went about her daily jobs.

1887 advertisement

What did a lady wear on a Victorian-era chatelaine? All sorts of things: scissors, a purse, thimbles, keys, a vinaigrette [scent bottle] - and of course, a beautiful watch. Godey's Lady's Book notes in 1874 that the pieces were usually "gilt, silver, steel or oxidized to match the chains" and included "purses of various shapes, memorandum books, scent bottles with vinaigrette...small writing boxes, card cases, handkerchief-holders, fans, thimble cases, and silver paper knives...[and] watches [that are] octogon-shaped." [Godey's Lady's Book, Vol. 88, p 293]

Chatelaine watches were popular gifts for ladies in the late 19th century, and they were often made of gold or silver, set with gems and very fancifully decorated. Puck, a New York humor magazine, published a story in 1891 whose heroine longed for such a gift:

...a nice little gold chatelaine watch, with my monogram on the back, and I'll wear it when that mean Simpson girl is around, the horrid hussy [Vol. 10, Issue 303]

Invicta Watches are as elegant and beautiful as vintage chatelaine watches, and make ideal gifts for any woman who likes to keep track of time while also wearing a lovely fashion accessory. What a nice way to multi-task, wouldn't you say? And a wristwatch is as fashionable as a chatelaine watch carried about in the company of scissors and scent bottles, but is also much lighter and more comfortable - an excellent thing, especially in the heat of summer.

The Moral Powder Puff

2012-05-24T08:41:00.001-04:00

Of course Betty Lou is going to say all kinds of crazy things, because these are her Velour Powder Puffs. And the more Velour Powder Puffs she can get us all to buy, the better.

So please listen to Betty Lou when she warns us that One Little Soiled Powder Puff Gave Him the Wrong Impression!

Even though you really have to ask yourself: how dirty is this powder puff, that a guy is even going to notice it? Did Betty Lou use it to clean off a grimy Army jeep? Did it look like she'd been using it as a napkin during last night's chili dinner? Is it an alarming shade of green, in which case he might be worried that she moonlights as a Jolly Green Giant impersonator?*

Or could it be that maybe she used it once or twice and it had - oh no! - some slightly old powder on it? Why, why wouldn't it have some powder on it, Army Guy Who Looks A Little Like Liberace? It is, after all, a powder puff!

And these sorts of puffs do get powder on them. They just do. That is why they are called powder puffs, as a matter of fact. This is not a reason to Get the Wrong Impression. Women have so much to worry about, don't they, in these ads? I know, I know, actually the guys are worrying, too. I'll try and find one of those ads pretty soon, to counteract this one. Look, we're all worrying. It's the way things are out there in the Social World.

Betty Lou thinks you will worry just a little less, though, if you'd at least buy a job lot of her Velour Powder Puffs.

*Yes, the Jolly Green Giant was around in 1942, when this ad came out...I checked, just to be sure I wasn't getting a little -- err, anachronistic. Advertising Age outlines the history of the JGG mascot, which originated in 1928; he really started laughing about canned veggies sometime around 1935, though.

Ginger Tea and Stomachic Powder

2012-05-22T14:59:00.000-04:00

Ginger (Wikimedia)

Any decent medical teaching course or medical management course in the Victorian era was going to teach you plenty about the kinds of medicines and tonics to use for treating illnesses and conditions. As you probably know if you've read any of my blogs, I am quite interested in the history of medicine, especially that of the Victorian era. I am still amazed at the huge role that herbs and plants had in mainstream medicines and treatments. Of course today, traditional herbal medicine is still very much in evidence, though it is slightly less in the mainstream than it was 150 or so years ago.

Take one of my favorite spices - ginger. I've been using ginger root to make a tea which is not only excellent for congestion and colds (don't have that right now) as well as for settling the stomach and improving digestion (this is where it really works for me). All you have to do is peel and thinly slice the ginger root, pour boiling water over the slices, and steep for about 20 minutes (you can add some honey or milk to this, too). Women with morning sickness, or queasy travelers, also know the power of nibbling on some delicious candied ginger to settle their stomachs.

Dr. James Gregory (Wikimedia)

Back in the 19th century, ginger was used in many, many mainstream medicines. Take, for example, Dr. Gregory's Stomachic Powder "for gout, indigestion, acidity, etc." contained rhubarb, ginger and magnesia. It was "a favorite remedy of the late Professor Gregory of Edinburgh," an 1845 advertisement noted.

Dr. James Gregory (1753-1821) was a Scottish physician, and the son and grandson of distinguished physicians. He studied at Edinburgh, Leyden, and Oxford, and was chairman of the School of medicine at the University of Edinburgh for many years. He was also interested in the classics, and taught those as well as the era's medical-school equivalent of the consultant interview course and the teach the teacher course. Even in the late 1800s Gregory's Powder was still a well-regarded medicine, both in Britain and in the United States. The American writer Dr. Alvin Wood Chase* called it "very excellent" and noted that it had once been sold in every pharmacy in Scotland.

And of course, he was famous for his Stomachic Powder, which in turn owed so much of its healing power to ginger - just like my cup of afternoon ginger tea.

*Chase, Dr. Alvin Wood. Dr. Chase's Recipes; or, Information For Everybody (Ann Arbor, Michigan, 1881 ed.), p. 345.

Edwardian Adventures In Dry Cleaning

2012-05-21T10:59:00.000-04:00

Vintage Ad Browser

Yes indeed, I had no idea that dry-cleaning was around in the 1910s. And that people had home-dry-cleaning preparations that they used with gasoline. What is up with that? And must one dress up like Marie Antoinette to use it? That could make things extra risky (all those frills and panniers and fans getting in the way, etc.).

Putnam Dry-Cleaner was a "soap-like preparation that works in gasoline." According to other ads, you put some gasoline in a pan with the stuff and did a little "dipping and rinsing."

And yes indeed, dry cleaning with gasoline was discovered by chance, in the 1880s, by a French dye-maker called Jean Baptiste Jolly. His maid spilled kerosene on a tablecloth and Jolly noticed that after that, it looked cleaner.

This sort of dry cleaning was, of course, very dangerous. It wasn't until after the First World War that less flammable dry cleaning agents were developed. I am going to direct you to Wikipedia if you are entranced with dry cleaning history and want more details. I'm just glad that we don't dip our finest things in gasoline - in the kitchen, probably! - any more.

And that was good news for Marie Antoinette.

Sally's Some Cook

2012-05-18T09:10:00.000-04:00

LJ Vintage Ads

You can click on the link to see the bigger version of this one, but if you are exhausted from the week (I know I am!) just sit back and I'll fill you in on why Sally is looking so dreamy and why light is emanating from her purple housedress.

It is because she can make Toll House Cookies. I have never reacted to cookie-baking in this way. You know, the light coming off me and everything. I'll bet you haven't either. And she looks dreamy because people like them. Well, they did at first. Most people like chocolate chip cookies. But it's starting to look like she's a one-trick baking pony and the cookies keep reappearing like a bad dream. We are perilously close to the point where, yes Sally! people can and will get enough of them.

Sally takes them to the bridge club. "Delicious," say the ladies, "You Must Give Me the Recipe." Uh, yeah, it's on the back of the Nestlé's chocolate chip bag, girls. It's not hard to find! Maybe they are just being polite though. Pretending it is some heirloom recipe. I'll bet they all have Nestlé's bags at home anyway.

They are everywhere!

Then Tom brings his "gang" home. Guess what they get? More cookies, of course. "Sally's Some Cook - These Cookies Are Grand," the guys say. They are so excited, they're talking in Capitals. No one has any idea whether Sally can make anything else. Tom is probably going to be getting chocolate chip cookie casseroles for dinner and Toll House on toast for lunch from now on. Sally's some cook, all right.

Then Sally gives a tea. And Sally knows what to do. Out come more you-know-what kind of cookies. If she's having any of the bridge club over for this tea, they are not going to be wow-weeing (no, that's not a real word, but it should be) about cookies anymore.

Because this is Sally's "specialty" now. People are getting worried, just a little. Where will the cookie onslaught stop? Everyone tries to avoid looking at the dozens of loaded plates all over the house. Everyone says "Such Flavor - Wonderful Housekeeper." Even though she's got piles of cookies in the bathtub. On the mantelpiece. In every windowsill. Because it's her specialty.

And they will murmur "Sally's Obsessed With Chocolate Chips" and "We Are Getting Scared" as soon as they get outside the house.

A Very Rice Time

2012-05-16T08:15:00.001-04:00

LJ Vintage Ads

How was Mindy's pajama party, dear?

Oh Mom, it was great! We sat on the floor and ate cereal with milk. And then we looked at her record collection!

You mean you listened to her record collection?

Um, no...we just looked at it.

This ad from 1966 makes teenage fun look both tiresome and messy. Also kind of boring. No wonder a couple of the girls have given up and are reading some of Mindy's Tiger Beats.

When you have a sleepover - known, back in 1966, as a "pajama party" - you tend to serve fun things like potato chips and cookies and things. Not soggy bowls of Rice Krispies. Say, let's all sit in a circle with sloppy bowls of cereal and look at a pile of records. That'll be boss.

And if you do want to eat cereal, sitting at the table does make it slightly more fun. Any minute now, someone's going to tip a bowlful of milk and Kripsies all over that curious blue rug they are all sitting on. I can see a few Krispies on the rug already. And one of the girls has left a banana peel on the rug, too. Fun times.

Scuppernong Wine on the Beach

2012-05-14T07:43:00.000-04:00

Wikipedia

Have you ever heard of scuppernong wine? The scuppernong is a kind of muscadine grape native to North Carolina, named for the Scuppernong River and has been grown and cultivated there since the 17th century. The warm climate and sandy soil is perfect for this delicious grape, which is the state fruit of North Carolina.

In 1851 Calvin Henderson Wiley noted* that there were no less than five kinds of scuppernong grapes - black, green, purple, red and white, but that the white ones were the real, genuine scuppernongs. Wiley quotes a Southern journalist (visiting from Alabama) as writing "he who never ate Scuppernong grapes perfectly matured, has no idea of God's blessing, bounty and goodness in the grape 'line.' Such a grape was never dreamed of in Madeira or sunny Italy; the south of France has nothing to be compared with it; Andalusia has nothing so sweet, so rich, so positively superior to all other productions of the vine."

Well, that sounds really good, doesn't it? So let's all go to North Carolina, and get ourselves some fresh, delectable scuppernongs. What shall we make with them? How about some homemade wine, or jelly - or even a scuppernong pie. Fortunately I have a cookbook called America Cooks, on hand - from the 1949, it covers every state and gives recipes for all manner of local dishes. Let's turn to the North Carolina chapter, and try these recipes:

North Carolina Scuppernong Pie

Beat 2 eggs with 1 cup of sugar, add a tablespoon of butter and 2 cups of scuppernong grapes. Bake in a pastry shell with a lattice top. When done, sprinkle with sugar and a little nutmeg. Serve with hard sauce.

Scuppernong Syllabub

Beat 1 cup of heavy cream, adding 4 tablespoons of powdered sugar as you beat, Carefully stir in 1/4 cup of scuppernong wine into the beaten cream and serve in sherbet glasses with cake on the side. For Tipsy Cake, soak some sponge cake in scuppernong wine and pile the syllabub on top. Decorate with split blanched almonds.

Beautiful Kure Beach, North Carolina

We'll want to stay near one of North Carolina's wonderful beaches, I think. They are every bit as delightful as these grapes - in fact, they are to ordinary coastlines what the scuppernong is to an everyday grape you get at the local grocery store.

You can Search Kure Beach Real Estate & Homes to find the perfect getaway home on the beach, a place where you can come back after a glorious day of swimming, sailing or just lying on the beach reading a good book. And then you can enjoy a nice glass of real North Carolina scuppernong wine as you look out over the ocean. I love this place on the right, which features your very own lighthouse - have a look and see the perfect place to have your scuppernong delights along with a beautiful beach sunset.

*In The North Carolina Reader (1851)

Canon and Kannon

2012-05-13T12:03:00.000-04:00

Wikipedia

The next time you use a Canon camera battery and start taking pictures, think for a moment about the goddess of compassion, known in Japanese as Kannon. Because she is often shown holding a child, she has sometimes been compared to the Virgin Mary. When Christianity was banned in Japan in the Edo period (1603-1868) some underground Christian groups venerated Mary in the form of a statue of Kannon, and these were called Maria Kannons.

Maria Kannon (Wikipedia)

When Canon was founded by Goro Yoshida in 1934, he named his company Kwanon, after Kannon (known in Chinese as Guan Yin). Kwanon was also the name of the firm's 35mm camera, with a focal plane shutter, developed also in 1934. In the 1940s, the company became Canon.

And it is thanks to cameras and the amazing power of photographs that I can, for example, look up articles about Kannon and the Maria Kannons, and see actual, sharp, beautiful images of things I never knew about before this morning. Such is the power of digital cameras, powered themselves by the Canon battery charger and, of course, a Canon digital camera battery. And we also have to power of being able to go online and shop for all kinds of digital camera batteries and accesories. It's quick and rather more amazing than we tend to think. So it's good to remember that back in the 1930s, when Canon was first founded, shopping and taking photographs were both considerably more challenging than they are now.

From an ancient, compassionate goddess and the sleek digital camera you carry with you to record the images you want to remember: Canon represents both.

Wives Can Blame Themselves!

2012-05-11T09:01:00.001-04:00

Duke University Ad Access

Wearing a gorgeous "She Learned Her Lesson" necklace (something we're all NOT putting on our wish lists for Christmas this year, or ever), the taut-faced Palmolive pusher in this charming 1930s ad wants us to know where to put the blame. Put it on yourself, that's where! Listen to this stellar dialogue from the cartoon characters on your right:

And, Mother, he never takes me out any more! Sometimes I think he's ashamed of me!

Do you think it could be your complexion, Nell? You used to have such a lovely skin, and now...

...And now you have to listen to trailed-off, unspoken insults about your mummified complexion - from your very own mother!

Thanks a lot, there, Mom. That's just exactly what Nell wants to hear. It couldn't possibly be Bob's fault, now, could it? I'll bet Bob's complexion isn't exactly the same as a velvety summer peach. And maybe he doesn't want to go out because he's tired and stressed and busy at the office. Or - wait, I know! - maybe he needs a dose of Eno's Fruit Salts. Constipation can make a person look furtive and not want to go out on the town, you know. I thought all advertisement mothers knew that.

[Also, Dr. Dafoe needs to learn how to spell, because he's turning up at the Quins' house and they don't know who he is. The Dionne Quints, who do know, probably don't miss him that much.]

A Kick Out of Bromo-Seltzer

2012-05-09T10:54:00.001-04:00

My head is as bad as an old exhaust manifold
and doing anything like lyric writing
leaves me totally cold
The only exception I know is in slo-mo
when I'm looking for aspirin and Coke
or to give my aching head a ice water soak
then suddenly I see, strange as a misinterpretation of a joke
you fabulous Seltzer of Bromo.

I get no kick from champagne
Mere headache powders simply will not do
So tell me why a remedy
for stomach troubles works like double indemnity
Why, Bromo, I haven't a clue.

Some get relief from a rest
A good night's sleep would be best
When all one's selves are looking glum
But I get relief from Bromo Seltzer in my tum

I get a kick from an ad with three other Coles
Making faces and hamming it up in lame supporting roles
And also from cracking wise
to ladies in expensive stoles

I get no kick from an early night
From relaxation
as opposed to serious limelight
That's just something I don't want to do
So just stick some Bromo Seltzer in the oyster stew
And I'll get a kick out of my head
and my stomach too

[Not a line by line, exact parody of Cole Porter's "I Get A Kick Out of You," but something, anyway. Working on The Novel again, and wrestling with two of the main characters. Not literally, but you know what I mean. No headaches or anything, but maybe I should get in a bottle of Bromo Seltzer just in case. If it's good enough for that grimacing chorus line of Cole Porters, etc. ]

Bad Ruffles and Bad Sneakers

2012-05-07T11:35:00.000-04:00

LJ Vintage Ads

Yes, this ad from the 70s is pretty bad. As in, bad. But they thought it was bad, meaning pretty good. A little (very little, because it is Monday etc.) research tells me (and I'm telling you now) that the slang "bad" meaning "good" was first used in the 1970s. It's called oppositional slang, by the way.

The Steely Dan song "Bad Sneakers" came out in 1975 and I suppose they meant bad as in good. Only with a little of their patented irony thrown on top. I like Steely Dan a lot but this is not, in my opinion, one of their best songs; it's catchy, though. Makes me think of sitting around in college playing Steely Dan records and writing 10 pages in my journal every day because there was so much complicated stuff going on. Ugh, now I've got "Bad Sneakers" stuck in my head. I was going to put up a YouTube thing but I'll just link to it. Because I don't want you to get the Steely Dans on a Monday, unless you want to (PS: I really do like SD a lot still, just not this song. And that's more than enough about that...)

Bad Sneakers ("...and a pina colada, my friend") are a natural accompaniment to the Bad Tux. Sneakers will make the whole thing ironic. Although from the look of things, that might not be enough.

Because ruffles on shirts were never ever bad in that oppositional slang sense. Nor were they mean. The Edwardian from Top Hat - and the "Tom Jones" tux (as advertised very meekly in the small print) just aren't bad, mean, or exclamation-point-worthy.

Repetition of the word "ruffles" does not help either. Ruffles ruffles ruffles. Lots of ruffles. Ruffles make it this year. Ah, but they don't. Never did. Not even back then. Not all the stern smug sideburned men with silly smouldering expressions can convince us.

But it is a wonderfully funny ad. I'll bet it was pretty funny back in the 1970s, too.

Chickens Wearing Glasses

2012-05-04T10:47:00.000-04:00

Never mind why the chicken crossed the road. What I want to know is: was he wearing his glasses when he did? That would be a very good idea. Glasses help you see better, as we all know. And what's more, they really protect your eyes from dust, wind, harsh sunlight (if they're sunglasses) - and from other chickens pecking at you. If, that is, you are a chicken.

Yes, this chicken is really wearing glasses - and is looking mighty stylish in them, too. The photograph on your left was taken in 1938, but chicken glasses were around as far back as 1910, when the drawing on the right appeared, and were first patented in 1903. They were indeed for protecting chickens' eyes from getting pecked at by other chickens, and were also known as chicken goggles. The glasses were rose-tinted, too - just to give the chickens a nice perspective on things.

Of course you and I are not concerned about getting pecked at. But we often want and need eyeglasses not only to see things better, but to protect our eyes. I know I'm really glad I wear glasses (for nearsightedness and astigmatism) when I'm out in windy, dusty weather, or if it hails in the winter. Things like that. And I depend on my prescription sunglasses in bright sun. So it's nice to know that you can find stylish prescription eyeglasses at Zenni Optical, online - both brand names and their very own ZENNI brand. Because they don't use a lot of fancy advertising, and have eliminated the middleman, you can get the best glasses for you, at some amazing prices. And that's something everyone can appreciate - not just chickens who need to cross roads.

The One That's In

2012-05-02T09:02:00.001-04:00

Today's extremely important and probing question is, who exactly is The One That's In? The doofus with the cigarette? Or perhaps it is the ghostly lady who has very unfortunately got stuck inside his esophagus and is moodily staring at his nostrils. That large earring she has on is a bit worrying, in any case. Sharp edges, and all that. But perhaps since it is a ghostly earring, it won't matter.

Clearly, he thinks he is In. You can just tell. The silly sunglasses. The perfectly shellacked hair. And of course, the white turtleneck. Turtlenecks were the mark of the ersatz cool guy of the late 60s and 70s. This ad is from 1969, so he's right on trend, as they say.

I suppose the answer is (c), both of them. You know, because it's a witty ad. He's in and cool because he smokes Silva Thins. And she's in, as in in his mind - or maybe he is in hers - also due to the Silva Thins. Or maybe the Silva Thin itself is the One That's In. Which is also quite silly. Perfectly in keeping with this ad.

Fooled By A Soggy Toothbrush

2012-04-30T09:08:00.000-04:00

Duke University Ad Access

Please don't let yourself be like the guy in this 1930s ad, smiling in confusion and semi-darkness. And all because he let himself be taken in by a toothbrush that looks like it has been scrubbing the kitchen floor since 1892.

Those Soggy Toothbrushes are wily little things, and they know - they really just know - that on Mondays especially, they can fool you. They whisper to the toothpaste: say, I'll bet this chump won't even notice if I jump into his pocket. Then I can get out of this lousy bathroom and see the world - do a little traveling, a little living! I'll let that Dr. West's Toothbrush, the new guy, see what he can do.

The Dr. West's Toothbrush, as you see, comes with its own little plastic case so it will never get soggy. It was the very first toothbrush with nylon bristles, and Dr. West very modestly called it the Miracle Toothbrush (although of course the old, so-called Soggy Toothbrush was really the brains of the operation).

The Soggy Toothbrush was probably made of boar bristles, which was par for the course before Dr. West came along. Bristle toothbrushes had been around as early as the T'ang Dynasty (619-907) in China, and in Europe by the 1600s. But they really only became popular - like so many things we use today - in the Victorian era. Although the majority of Victorian toothbrushes were made from bristles (or badger hair if you were really being fancy) you could find the odd toothbrush made of other things. Like felt, for example.

Anyway...I hope that your Monday is going as well as a Monday can, and that you are not being fooled by a Soggy Toothbrush. Many thanks to Ad Access for access to yet another fabulous ad - you can see a bigger version of it by clicking the link under the image, if you like.

Call of the Waikiki

2012-04-27T15:15:00.002-04:00

Sans Souci Hotel, Waikiki, in the 1890s

When Jack London (author of Call of the Wild) visited Waikiki in 1893, it was already well known both as a neighborhood in the city of Honolulu and for the beach of the same name - one of the most famous beaches in the world. In the Victorian era, Waikiki was were the wealthy went to rest and play. London stayed at a little hotel called Sans Souci ("Without Worries"). Robert Louis Stevenson stayed there, too.

Waikikim with Diamond Head in the background

Waikiki Beach - Waikiki means "spouting fresh water" in Hawaiian - has beautiful views of Diamond Head, a volcanic tuff cone (huge cone of volcanic ash), and is home to many high rise hotels and resorts. But what I dream of (as I've written about before) is of living in a house near the beach - not just staying in a hotel.

Eyman-Judson House, Honolulu

A full service Honolulu real estate firm can really help you find something special in Waikiki Condos and real estate - the perfect property out of tons of listings and homes for sale. You know what I'd love to own? One of the older Hawaiian-style bungalows that were really popular in Honolulu back in the 1910s and 1920s. Check out this gorgeous house, the Jessie Eyman-Wilma Judson House - built in 1926 for two nurses originally from the Midwest. It is now a National Historic landmark, so I won't be able to live there. But I am going to keep dreaming about a 1920s bungalow not too far from Waikiki. At least I can enjoy looking through real estate sites online and check out all the homes for sale, properties large and small - maybe even peek at a few condos. I'll be all ready if I ever get the chance to go to Hawaii.

Asphalt Salad

2012-04-27T08:41:00.002-04:00

LJ Vintage Ads

Recipe: to crushed rock, add just the right amount of asphalt. Blend and mix like a salad...To improve this recipe add Shell Research, and you will have the makings of a superb modern road.

But not, perhaps, the makings of a superb modern dinner. Unless you live in The Asphalt Jungle.* And even then, how are you going to juggle a bunch of little fancy cruets out in the middle of a jungle?

What in tarnation** (so to speak) is this ad trying to do? make us think about cooking with asphalt and tar and goopy bits of rocks and pebbles? Is this supposed to make Shell Oil look appetizing? If so, why? Why?

John McAdam dislikes Asphalt Salad

And why blame John McAdam? John Loudon McAdam (1756-1836) was a Scottish engineer who invented the process by which roadways could be made nice and smooth. This process of macadamization involved layering gravel on top of flat stones. Good thing the Shell people didn't think about that too closely, or else this salad would have been followed by a layer cake made out of flat stones and gravel.

*The Asphalt Jungle (1950) is a film noir about a jewel heist; John huston directed it and Marilyn Monroe has a very small role in it, too. It's considered to be one of the most important crime films of the 1950s. Filled, you see, with tough guys. I'll bet they ate rocks and Shell Oil for breakfast!

**Late 18th century variation of "darnation" which was a euphemism for "damnation." See here, for example. And just what John McAdam (and you and I, too) might say if he was served this salad.

Note: There's a large version of this ad over at LiveJournal - just click the link to go check it out.

The Architects' Costume Party

2012-04-26T08:54:00.001-04:00

Popular Science, April 1931

As the caption says (in case you were wondering): "These are not real buildings; they are merely architects at play." That's good to know, isn't it? This little recreation of the New York skyline was part of the fun at the Beaux Arts Ball in New York back in 1931. And the best part was that each architect in this skyline was wearing a costume based on the building he actually designed. At the far right, J. H. Freedlander is sporting the entire Museum of the City of New York right on top of his head. I wonder if they were lining up for a costume contest. It would be awfully hard to choose a favorite, though I do love the fellow in the middle, Mr. Chrysler Building (aka William Van Alen), in his striped sleeves and astonishing headdress.

Just like these fun-loving architects from 1931, you'll want any party costumes that you wear to be both striking and gorgeous - even if you can't dress up as the building you designed. It isn't just the outfits that make a great costume party, though. After the architects got tired of posing in front of that curtain, they probably went off - as you'll want to - to eat delicious snacks, drink refreshing cocktails and dance (too bad there aren't pictures of these guys doing the Charleston). You'll want to do all that, too, and beautiful party supplies such as fun name tags, table cloths, napkins and paper plates will help create just the right atmosphere. They can reinforce a theme for your party too (such as, say - architecture). For a mysterious masked costume party, you may even want to want a few natural wax candles around the room to set the mood.

It's a great idea, when you're looking for a variety of interesting party supplies, to check out comparison shopping sites online, which bring together a variety of great items under one virtual roof. You can have almost as much fun shopping that way, as you will dressing up and enjoying a great party full of costumed friends and special party lights, paper plates and favors. Just make sure that any of your guests who come dressed as skyscrapers stay away from those natural wax candles.

The Venus-Adonis Electric Normalizer

2012-04-25T09:23:00.000-04:00

1950 ad from Vintage Ad Browser

How can you not love a name like the Venus-Adonis Electric Normalizer? It's the name with everything: the promise of mythological beauty (male and female), the modern science of electricity - and also the promise of being able to normalize your body with a contraption that looks like a hairdryer from Mars.

OK, but wait a minute. What's this about having to normalize your body? Are they saying we are not normal? Well, sort of. We will be re-vitalizing and streamlining ourselves when we roll the Electric Normalizer over various body parts.

Oh good! Then that means it magically exercises the muscles and reduces fat?

Uh, no. Not really. It does claim to be able to "slim trim hips, small waist, flat abdomen, shapely legs, a streamlined figure and physical well-being." How? Um...by banishing "that tense, tired feeling" and decreasing swelling in your feet. Oh. OK. That makes sense....No, it doesn't. But if you want to know more - or just want to complain about ambiguous, shifty-sounding ads, you can write to Venus-Adonis in Louisville, Kentucky (no post office boxes up on Mount Olympus, I guess).

Ralston Days and Nights

2012-04-24T08:24:00.000-04:00

Ralston: the breakfast cereal that really, really excites people. Yes, even more than bran flakes (although the Happy Harrisons are pretty hard to beat in the being-excited game). You see, if you start eating Ralston, you will become so obsessed by it that you will be serving it for every meal.

In the morning, sure, whatever. Make a ring of strawberries around your Ralston, I don't care. Although this is a lot more effort than I'd be willing to make early in the morning.

But when the day is done and it's evening, trust me, I don't want to see the Ralston again. It's like a guest that won't leave. Here I am again! Only this time I've hitched a ride on the cocktail tray. The stuff at the top of the tray is Ralston stuck on toothpicks alternately with chunks of American cheese. How are you even supposed to get a toothpick through a small shredded cereal thingie without the latter, well, shredding?

And we also have Ralstons sauteed in butter. Sort of like Chex Party Mix, but without all the fun extras like nuts and pretzels, which lend the Chex a bit of nighttime glamor (well, not glamor maybe, but something). It's the Shaker version of Chex Party Mix. Coincidence? I think not. Because Chex was first made by the Ralston Company, and I think what we have here is a 1942 version of Chex Party Mix. According to my extremely academic sources (well, Wikipedia, actually) Chex Party Mix as we know it first appeared in the early 1950s, as a snack to be served while watching TV. This Ralston Mix was what you had while recovering from putting those toothpicks through little Ralston biscuits - along with a nice strong drink.

The big version of this 1942 ad is here, if you want a closer look.

Adulton Education

2012-04-23T10:36:00.001-04:00

This dramatic ad is from 1968, when I was six and an avid reader of the ads in my mother's magazines (little did I know that I'd end up writing about them so much, or even at all). But I must have missed this one. Back then when a I got a cold, I had to take either the Orange or the Purple. Orange was Triaminic, which they still make - but not in orange any more, I think. And back then there was only the Orange. I hated it. Purple was less viscous and slightly more palatable, but I can't recall what it was really called.

The grownups had Adulton, evidently. And just so they could tell it was for them, it was called - Adulton! And had a picture of an adult guy on the label, gazing upward in the way movie heroes do when they are contemplating a Daring Plot Twist. Maybe taking this is a daring thing to do. Because let's face it, the guy looks like he just had - well, a dose of something horrible.

It looks like a guy's hand is holding the bottle, also. With a wedding ring. Are we sure that this is all right for unmarried adult women? Is the ad implying that single women should just keep on taking the "sweet syrup" that is in opposition to the Adulton's "strong medicine"? Honestly, if Adulton makes a person look as pained as the Bottle Guy, I think that might be the way to go.

The guy on the right is from an Adulton commercial that is for sale on eBay - I was so hoping that I could find it on YouTube, because it looks really funny. I really want to know why he is wearing that fancy, shiny vest. Just the look for going to gamble on an old-timey steamboat going down the Missisippi. Wouldn't want to cough and hack all over the card table, would he?

An RC Cola and Moonpie For the Misbegotten

2012-04-21T11:27:00.000-04:00

Big version of this 1942 ad is here

We've all been waiting for this for some time. I guess. Actress Irene Dunne is making this very important formal announcement about her favorite cola. We need to know this. It is clearly of national importance. For some time now, we've all been going about our days thinking: I wonder which cola Irene Dunne likes the best? If I knew this, everything else would fall into place.

Actress and soda expert Irene Dunne (1898-1990) was nominated as Best Actress five times but never won an Oscar, which is really too bad. She was in loads of movies, such as Life With Father in 1947 and Roberta in 1935 (in which she sang "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes"). And lots of other things, too - just check out the Wikipedia article at the link for the whole lot.

So, live from her boudoir Somewhere In Hollywood, Irene tells us that in fact she prefers Royal Crown Cola. Now because Irene is such a fancy, sophisticated person, she actually did a formal taste test of every cola that was available back in 1942. Oh, yes she did! But she did it the fancy way. She got dressed up in her best dark green lounging outfit and her silver heels. Made sure that she put the cola on ice in a Waterford crystal bowl. Got out the matching tumblers. Posed on the cream chaise longue as she pours out some Royal Crown without even looking down. Careful, Miss Dunne! Cola stains are tough to get out of cream upholstery.

As for Royal Crown Cola, it was first made in 1904 in Columbus, Georgia. In the 1950s, an RC Cola and a moonpie was a popular snack in the South. There was even a song by Big Bill Lister ("Radio's Tallest Singing Cowboy," for what it's worth) called "Gimme an RC Cola and a Moonpie," from 1951. A moonpie was and is a delicious treat made of large round graham crackers sandwiched with marshmallow fluff and coated in either chocolate (the usual coating), banana, strawberry or coconut.

I would love to see Miss Dunne making an advertising pitch for this. A moonpie (first made - and still made! - by the Chattanooga Bakery in the 1920s) is just what she needs in the picture above, doesn't she? Give this lady a moonpie (on a Waterford plate) and a sterling silver knife and fork immediately!

[Title from the rather depressing Eugene O'Neill play A Moon for the Misbegotten. A few RC Colas and moonpies would not have gone amiss, as they say, with the characters in this. Too bad Irene Dunne wasn't in it, but she wasn't. This title was pretty much the first thing that popped into my head at that desperate what'll-I-call-this-one moment, you fellow bloggers know what I mean - that moment. So I went for it, etc.]

The Amazing Toolzon

2012-04-20T09:52:00.002-04:00

Modern Mechanix (ad from 1950)

I am having One of Those Days when I will be running around pretty literally and maybe I'm writing about this because I will be multitasking, as we say now.

Or trying to. Maybe I need the Toolzon. Too bad I'm not making a few cakes and then waxing the floor. If I was, this is just what I'd want to have on hand. Because first the soup's on, then the Toolzon. Quite literally, really. This charming retro invention allows you to mix up a cake, then shift gears and turn your mixing bowl into "a portable sanding, waxing, buffing unit."

Calling this "an amazing new attachment" barely does justice to it. Or to the mind that came up with it. Who invents this sort of thing, do you think? Who would want to buy and use it? I have no idea.

A Daring Wine

2012-04-19T10:20:00.000-04:00

I've written about these Virginia Dare ads before. Usually Virginia herself - imagine Ginger Rogers dressed up like the 1940s Hollywood version of a Pilgrim - appears after a couple of sadsacks throw a party. They are bemoaning the fact that everyone left, or hid their drinks behind the potted plants - or both.

Virginia tells them it's because they need to serve guests her special wine. And then - well, you know what happens. They all drank happily ever after, et cetera.

So this ad is a welcome change of pace, showing things from the guests' point of view. And honestly - what do you think? Are they actually enjoying drinking this stuff? It's really hard to tell:

It doesn't taste like port.
It doesn't taste like sherry.
It doesn't taste like burgundy.

Yeah, okay. Thanks to all the wine experts at the top of the ad. But what does it taste like? The debonair old guy with the enormous speech bubble tells them (and us, always us too) that Virginia's special hooch is "exciting to discover...different from any you've ever known."

Matt's Collectibles

So is wine made from asparagus but that doesn't mean it is delicious. Actually, I just picked asparagus as a totally unlikely and weird wine ingredient before I looked it up. I was really surprised to see that there was such a thing!

According to the link source (an 1877 periodical) the Romans used to drink that. Also, there was a Victorian medicinal wine called Dr. Yates' Asparagus Wine. It was supposed to be good for the kidneys; in traditional medicine, asparagus is used as a diuretic so there you go. The things I find out when I'm writing posts never fail to amaze me.

Anyway, yes - Virginia Dare Wine. As in, I Virginia Dare you to figure out exactly what this stuff does taste like. We already have a pretty good idea of what it doesn't taste like. I guess as long as it doesn't have asparagus in it, your guests will be OK.

For more thrilling adventures with Virginia Dare (and no, I can't believe I've written about so many of these ads, either):

The Hidden Glasses Mystery
A Zesty After-Dinner Plot
The Accidental Wine Expert
Truth Or Virginia Dare
Bill and the Magic Bottle

A Timely Gift: The Wristwatch

2012-04-18T14:16:00.000-04:00

WWI-era watch

It's true that nowadays you can get the exact time from your phone, your computer, your iPod. But nothing is as nice as a traditional watch, both to wear and to give. Watches are easy to look at, a pleasure to wear - both practical and a great fashion accessory. Try wearing your iPhone as a piece of jewelry. Doesn't really work, does it? And what about specialized watches? Divers want to know how long they've been underwater, so they wear diver's watches. They don't want to go down to the ocean floor with their laptops under one arm, do they? Of course not.

1921 gloves for watch-wearing ladies

As a great wristwatch fan, I wanted to know when they were first made. You probably know that up until the early 1900s, pocket watches were what gentlemen carried to tell the time. Bracelet watches - the first wristwatches - were developed in the 19th century - and they were strictly for ladies. Wealthy ladies, that is. The Empress Josephine gave her daughter-in-law a bracelet with a small watch set into it, in 1806. Later in the century, they were sometimes worn by ladies when hunting. But they were not a common sight.

Men didn't wear fancy bracelet-watches or wristlet-watches, as they were called. They were strictly for ladies. But then came the First World War; and when you were in combat you didn't want to be carrying a fussy pocket watch and chain. Soldiers improvised their own wristwatches with pocket watches and leather straps. And suddenly, the wristwatch was for everyone.

Watch ad from 1917

Wristwatches are really quite wonderful things. If you inherit one from a beloved family member - or get one as a special gift - you really treasure it, and know that it will become an heirloom. That's why it's also a great gift idea when you want to give someone special just the right present. And there will always be many amazing brands to choose from when you do go shopping, such as Michael Kors Watches.

When I got married, my husband-to-be gave me a beautiful wristwatch with a bracelet of narrow gold pieces linked together. It was simple and elegant - and it suited me perfectly. I loved it, and wore it for many years, but unfortunately one of the chains broke and then life got very very busy (including several moves, and kids, and work - you know the drill). Well, we're still together and I still miss my bracelet watch - and of course we're both still really busy. All the more reason for needing a special timepiece! I'm thinking that it would be such a great anniversary gift for him to get the watch fixed for me. I am going to suggest that to him and I think he'll love the idea. These days I tend to wear inexpensive digital watches but that gold bracelet watch is special. I can't wait to wear it again.

[The WWI watch image is from Wikipedia]