Kittellian: Healthier Financial Habits

Welcome to The Kittellian

2020-07-02T13:15:00.000-07:00

"Kittellian"... Ah, where do I start? In a nutshell, it means to live your life like John Kittell. On a much more haunting level, it's the byproduct of analyzing the efficiency of every decision you'll ever make your entire life.

Will following the Kittellian theorem make me cheap?
Answer: "No"

Contrary to common belief, John Kittell isn't cheap. Cheap people can actually afford most things, but choose to cheat others to increase the depth of their gold coin swimming venues. To be Kittellian is to cheat yourself (when others might splurge), in order to save where/when it counts. The result of which is being able to afford the things worth buying (for yourself or others). People who buy one refillable beverage at a restaurant and share it with their spouse/partner are cheap. People who tip poorly are cheap. There are some other things, but the more I think about it, the more I fear I'll find that I too am cheap.

Will others judge me for acting Kittellian?
Answer: "Yes"

Being Kittellian isn't cool by any measure. But living your life in the Kittellian mind-set is to ignore the rules of normalcy and convention, which all too often result in wanton debt through phrases like "I'm worth it"... To be Kittellian is to use phrases like "Is it worth my hard-earned resources". To be Kittellian is to see a Farrari, and to envy the Fiat purchased by the cunning salesperson who sold that idiot a car.

Will being Kittellian make me rich?
Answer: "Maybe"

If you would be rich, if it weren't for your spending habits, then "yes". Hopefully the majority of you reading this blog will be able to look forward to not having to work as hard, in order to cruise through life a little more comfortably.

For many of you, the anticipation for this blog has been unbearable, and for that I'm very sorry. For the rest of you, buckle-up and hold on tight... But soon you'll realize that you're not in a car, and that the handlebars of a bicycle are not a comfortable means of transport. You're going to have to pedal.

Solar Panels in Seattle?

2012-09-28T08:27:00.003-07:00

What is Seattle known for? Rain. And what is covered up when rain falls? The sun. But I’ll defending my decision of installing solar panels by mentioning that Germany has the highest adoption rate for solar-harnessing technology use per capita of any nation. And it just so happens, that despite all of our rain here in the great Northwest, we get more sun than Germany. Why did we invest in solar technology? Well, beyond the environmental responsibility aspect, it also makes sense financially.

We first considered our purchase when we heard about a non-profit called Solarize Seattle. Their aim is to gather lots of homeowners in Seattle neighborhoods to educate them on the benefits and cost breakdown of residential solar energy installations. Solarize Seattle then works with solar contractors, who agree to extend a discount to all the homeowners who have completed the educational seminar. These homeowners become a pre-lubricated business opportunity, which allows the contractors to convert them to customers much easier than cold calling, or canvassing a region with marketing efforts.

In addition to the group-buying discount, there are a number of state and federal credits and incentives to take advantage of. First is the federal tax credit of 30% of the installed system cost. So, if you pay 30,000 for a solar photovoltaic system, you will get a $9,000.00 tax credit come April 15^th (I bet you wouldn’t procrastinate that filing season). The State of Washington has also agreed to not collect state sales tax from solar installations. Once your system is generating its own electricity, those kWhs are recorded in a production meter before the electricity feeds into the panel of your house. Depending on where your photovoltaic panels and inverters (convert DC from the panels to AC for your home) were manufactured, there are three different tiers of what the state pays you for each kWh your system produces (not to exceed $5,000 per year)

$0.54 per kWh for Washington panels & Washington inverter

$0.36 per kWh for Washington panels & out-of-state inverter

$0.18 per kWh for out-of-state panels & Washington inverter

$0.15 per kWh for out-of-state panels & out of state panels

The state pays out these production incentives on an annual basis. It’s really the production incentive that is paramount in paying the homeowner back for the up-front costs of the system. But, here in Washington, the incentive payments are scheduled to end in 2020, so don’t delay.

With solar, when you produce more electricity than you use during the day, your meter (that your utility uses to measure your consumption) moves in the other direction, pushing your electricity backward into the grid. At night, you use up those “banked” kWhs when the meter moves forward again. But don’t install a system that produces more electricity than you use from the city, because if you “bank” more than you consume, this bank doesn’t pay you back.

By far, the biggest money savings we’ve seen is through conserving the electricity we use. Once we saw how much electricity we produced and consumed on two separate meters, we were shocked at how much electricity we used…even when we weren’t home. So we took measures like unscrewing some light bulbs on our 6-light vanity fixture, and installing a timer to power our hot water circulating pump on demand, instead of having it run during all daylight hours. Next up is to retire the beer fridge in the man-cave, but I’m really dragging my feet on that one. I’ve also figured out how to take a 90-second shower (more about that here).

Should you get Solar Panels in Seattle?

2012-09-28T08:21:00.006-07:00

What is Seattle known for? Rain. And what is covered up when rain falls…the sun. But I’ll defending my decision of installing solar panels by mentioning that Germany has the highest adoption rate for solar-harnessing technology use per capita of any nation. And it just so happens, that despite all of our rain here in the great Northwest, we get more sun than Germany. Why did we invest in solar technology? Well, beyond the environmental responsibility aspect, it also makes sense financially.

We first considered our purchase when we heard about a non-profit called Solarize Seattle. Their aim is to gather lots of homeowners in Seattle neighborhoods to educate them on the benefits and cost breakdown of residential solar energy installations. Solarize Seattle then works with solar contractors, who agree to extend a discount to all the homeowners who have completed the educational seminar. These homeowners become a pre-lubricated business opportunity, which allows the contractors to convert them to customers much easier than cold calling, or canvassing a region with marketing efforts.

In addition to the group-buying discount, there are a number of state and federal credits and incentives to take advantage of. First is the federal tax credit of 30% of the installed system cost. So, if you pay 30,000 for a solar photovoltaic system, you will get a $9,000.00 tax credit come April 15^th (I bet you wouldn’t procrastinate that filing season). The State of Washington has also agreed to not collect state sales tax from solar installations. Once your system is generating its own electricity, those kWhs are recorded in a production meter before the electricity feeds into the panel of your house. Depending on where your photovoltaic panels and inverters (convert DC from the panels to AC for your home) were manufactured, there are three different tiers of what the state pays you for each kWh your system produces (not to exceed $5,000 per year)

$0.54 per kWh for Washington panels & Washington inverter

$0.36 per kWh for Washington panels & out-of-state inverter

$0.18 per kWh for out-of-state panels & Washington inverter

$0.15 per kWh for out-of-state panels & out of state panels

The state pays out these production incentives on an annual basis. It’s really the production incentive that is paramount in paying the homeowner back for the up-front costs of the system. But, here in Washington, the incentive payments are scheduled to end in 2020, so don’t delay.

With solar, when you produce more electricity than you use during the day, your meter (that your utility uses to measure your consumption) moves in the other direction, pushing your electricity backward into the grid. At night, you use up those “banked” kWhs when the meter moves forward again. But don’t install a system that produces more electricity than you use from the city, because if you “bank” more than you consume, this bank doesn’t pay you back.

By far, the biggest money savings we’ve seen is through conserving the electricity we use. Once we saw how much electricity we produced and consumed on two separate meters, we were shocked at how much electricity we used…even when we weren’t home. So we took measures like unscrewing some light bulbs on our 6-light vanity fixture, and installing a timer to power our hot water circulating pump on demand, instead of having it run during all daylight hours. Next up is to retire the beer fridge in the man-cave, but I’m really dragging my feet on that one. I’ve also figured out how to take a 90-second shower (more about that here).

How Much Does It Cost to Take a Shower?

2012-09-13T08:18:00.001-07:00

So, if you’re like me, you’ve always wondered how much it costs to take a shower. Luckily, for humanity, not many people are like me. Many of us started taking showers in a time and place where money wasn’t of any concern… our parents’ house. And much like cable TV and those sneakers you pump up with a little button on the tongue, we haven’t been able to shake these modern luxuries in our adult lives. But unlike cable TV and idiotic shoe purchases, few of us have the slightest clue how much it costs to take a soothing 10-minute shower.
So I took the time to create this infographic that should bring you up to speed on what a kWh (Kilowatt Hour) is, and to learn fun facts like: Over 75% of the cost of a shower is in heating up the water. And while water is under one cent per gallon in most cities, the average American uses over 150 gallons per day. All my calculations assume the water is being heated with a 40-gallon electric water heater.

The cost to take a 10 minute shower in 20 U.S. cities:

Anchorage: $1.07

Atlanta: $1.11

Billings: $0.58

Boston: $1.10

Chicago: $0.66

Dallas: $0.68

Denver: $0.64

District of Columbia: $0.81

Honolulu: $1.89

Las Vegas: $0.70

Los Angeles: $0.94

Memphis: $0.55

Miami: $0.67

Minneapolis: $0.72

New York City: $1.06

Omaha: $0.49

San Francisco: $1.10

Santa Fe: $0.73

Seattle: $0.89

St Louis: $0.51

Now that I know how much showers cost, I’ve changed my shower routine around a little bit. I can shower with the water running for just 90 seconds. I turn the water on, and once it’s warm (very fast at our house) I get my hair and body wet, and instantly turn off the water. First I apply the shampoo, and then the soap. Shampoo can get on your body, but many people don’t want soap in their hair. Once I’m lathered, it takes about 60 seconds to rinse. There are many excuses that make this impossible for people, mainly from women who shave in the shower…I totally get it. But for men who insist on shaving in the shower… that’s what sinks are for.

With this infographic, you'll also learn a lot about electricity, the price of electricity around the nation, and how much a kWh is. And finally, you'll be able to calculate the cost of operating common electric appliances for tasks like baking a pizza, running a ceiling fan or charging an electric car (ok, maybe not so common). Enjoy!

***Update*** It has come to my attention that my math is wrong. Instead of a $1.00 1 liter bottle of water being 40,000 times more expensive... It's 40,000% more expensive (or 400x). I never was good at math.

Assolean: Today’s Alternative Fuel Source.

2011-04-08T07:53:00.000-07:00

Will a hydrogen-fuel-cell car level a neighborhood in an accident? Are there enough TV shows in an iPhone to keep one entertained while refueling a Nissan Leaf? Is there a way to capture the methane that comes off an infant’s diaper pail to power a car to get more diapers?

I used to bother asking these questions. Hell, I still do (especially the last one). When one considers all the frustrations of owning a car—like paying $4.00/gallon gas, license tabs, insurance, parking, and the pleasure of sitting in traffic—it comes naturally to demand new technologies that give consumers a more fuel efficient and affordable automobile.

But that’s where “most people” and “ye who are Kittellian” differ. The auto industry owes you nothing. As long as people continue to feel afraid, lazy, picky, irrational and emasculated, car makers are going to continue to monger fear, convenience, options, luxury, and horsepower-envy (not to mention those rubber testicles that hang off the bumper). And to most consumers, words like “hybrid” and “bio-fuel” are worth more in status than they equate to efficiency. For instance, the 2011 Toyota Highlander standard gas model gets 18 city/24 hwy miles-per-gallon, while the hybrid model gets 28 city/28 hwy. For city drivers of their hybrid model, that’s a nice improvement, but in the bigger picture of efficiency, you’re merely upgrading the MPG from “abysmal” to “slightly-better-than-crappy.”

For many of us, driving a car is completely unavoidable. For those with physical disabilities, children, businesses requiring deliveries or the need to haul gear, cars/trucks are a necessity. For the rest of us that use the car to drive solo to work, or run shorter errands, there are alternatives.

Three years ago I vowed to ride my bike to work every single day during the month of April (rain or shine). I was disgusted with how much weight I had gained over the winter months, I was borderline depressed from the weather, I was sick of traffic and I was even more frustrated with sitting in traffic on public transportation (especially when they set the heater to “convalescent home”). By the end of the month, I had logged over 500 miles on the bike, and it really wasn’t that difficult at all. I started to love seeing horrendous traffic, because it no longer affected me. My 8 mile commute soon became the highlight of my day. I gave my commute an “options package.”

I now log over 5000 miles a year on my bike(s). The benefits (some of which are Kittellian) include:

• Not having to pay for gas
• Not paying a gym fee
• Not taking extra time out of my day to go to the gym
• Being relatively stress free
• Looking great (once I change out of my bike clothes)
• Sleeping soundly
• Consistent point-to-point commute times
• Actually making a difference instead of waiting for someone to invent one
• Not worrying about eating a donut (or four)

Some of you might require a little extra convincing. And for those of you who do the Seattle/Eastside commute, I can’t wait till tolls are collected to cross the 520 bridge. I haven’t been more excited about something in a long time. When it costs $7.00 round trip to commute to work (plus the price of gas), and your free alternate commute time on I-90 doubles, well, don’t forget, you do have options.

Other excuses you might have to not ride a bike to work, and my counter-arguments:

“I don’t have a shower at work.” Neither do I. I shower at home, ride to work, and dry off at my desk before changing. I don’t stink (to my knowledge).

“I have to dress nice for work.” Keep nice shoes at work because they’re heavy and bulky. The rest of your clothes can be wrinkle-free (I love Nordstrom Smart Care) and folded nicely in a messenger bag or panniers (saddle bags for bikes).

“I live too far away from work to ride.” The distance feels that much smaller, the longer you accomplish the ride. You’ll be shocked at how quickly you can get places on a bike.

“I don’t have a bike.” Buy one with all the money you’ll save by not driving.

Another point I would like to make about automobiles: No matter how efficient the fuel, 99% of that energy goes into moving the vehicle, and only 1% goes to transporting the driver. Whereas, a cyclist who is 200lbs riding a 20 pound bike takes advantage of 90% of the energy output to get them around town. Now that’s Kittellian.

Now take that energy you’ve generated complaining about gas prices, bridge tolls, the Bush/Obama/Whomever administration, gridlock, or not having a personal jet-pack by now, and burn it on a bike commute.

A Merry Gift-less Christmas

2010-12-13T19:58:00.000-08:00

First off, no Starbucks polar bear cookies were harmed in the making of this post. I Photoshopped their eyes, but I'm pretty sure the blood is real.

The gift-free Christmas concept is pretty darned simple: Don't exchange gifts. Most of us are adults who can fulfill our needs on our own schedule. If it's not a need, it's just stuff. And having stuff that you don't need isn't Kittellian. Children, on the other hand, can still get gifts. They're easy to shop for, and it's a blast watching them tear into the wrapping.

Is this a bah humbug post to get everyone depressed? Absolutely not. In fact, I have never enjoyed Christmas more than I do since our extended family and friends went gift-free. And to get everyone else in the "spirit of saving" here are some points to make when getting the rest of the crew on board:

• If you love finding parking, and wrestling with crowds at the mall from November to December, you should stop reading right now.

• Not sure what to get the person who has everything? Get them NOTHING! Wasn't that easy?

• That one person who always outdoes you in a gift exchange? That person is now rendered powerless.

• Do you have that one relative who gives the best gifts, and you're pretty sure you'll disappoint them by going gift-less? Nope, they won't have to be bummed anymore when their generosity isn't reciprocated.

• Bonus: No gifts means no need to write thank you letters!

If you can't bear to not buy stuff, try buying intangible stuff: tickets to a show, membership to a museum, or make a donation to someone's favorite charity. Now THAT is some Christmas spirit. Or, you could always spend quality time with the people you love instead of foisting a pair of Dearfoams on them. You know, host a movie or game night, make a grand dinner, go to Grandma's and help her with house maintenance...that kind of thing. Again, loads of Christmas spirit. Want even more Christmas spirit? Think Toys for Tots, the food bank, giving trees, and so on. There are plenty of people out there asking for nothing more than a warm coat or a grocery store gift card, which is a far cry from the $400 gaming console your lazy, ungrateful nephew is asking for.

If you must look forward to opening something on Christmas morning, stick to stockings. That was our baby step. But we just ended up exchanging a bunch of candy (like anyone even wants/needs more of that by then). Christmas is really a kids' holiday, so spoil them like mad (so they can be really disappointed when they go gift-less). In the meantime, the rest of us adults might as well sit in a circle, write a check, and pass it to the left. Just buy what you want when you want it (if you can afford it), because otherwise, your relatives will inevitably screw up somehow if you're relying on them to pull through on Christmas morning...after which you're on the hook to act grateful. With a gift-less Christmas, you can actually BE grateful: for friends, family, feasting, and fire (for those who dabble in the candle lighting service). If you really love exchanging gifts, then focus more on the individual gift recipient on their birthday, and stop wrestling all that attention away from Baby J on his.

For the rest of you who think I'm nuts, I've included a gift receipt in this blog. Feel free to return it for what you really wanted me to say.

Buy Low, Sell...Never!

2010-12-07T10:13:00.000-08:00

It's time for some Kittellian stock tips. But First...

If you're in debt (other than a home mortgage), get rid of that debt first. If your debt is a car payment, that still constitutes as bad debt. And you can look forward to my next post, the "Kittellian Car Buying Guide."

Second off, stock away an emergency 3-6 month supply of cash that can get you by in the event you lose your regular stream of income. Put it in a high-yield savings (good luck) or a CD. Either way, you must be able to get to it quickly.

Thirdly, there are safer ways one should save for retirement than purchasing individual stocks. But that's a whole other entry...from covering the tax benefits of Roth IRAs, to discussing the advantages of a company matching 401k.

Now, let's do talk Vegas...because that's what the stock market is, one huge gamble. But there are key ideas to minimize your risk when purchasing individual stocks.

Rule 1: SUPPORT COMPANIES THAT YOU SUPPORT!
If you love a company, and what they provide (not to mention, how they provide it), you should feel comfortable supporting them as an investor. Then when you support them as a consumer, you can feel even better about directly steering the performance of the stock.

Rule 2: BUY LOW!
I know, "DUH!!!" But so many are obsessing about the doom and gloom of the current economy, while you should be celebrating the fact that the world is ON CLEARANCE. Imagine a red tag sidewalk sale on Wall Street. Look at how close the company is trading against its 52 week low. Also, look at the performance 5 years back (at the start of this mess), and ask yourself "am I getting a bargain."

Rule 3: IS THERE A CHANCE THE COMPANY WILL GO OUT OF BUSINESS?
I purchased some Ford stock a while back. The American automotive sector was getting hammered by gas prices, and foreign competition. I saw a 5 dollar per share price on their stock. I didn't have much faith in Ford, but I was pretty sure this 'Merican icon wasn't going to file for bankruptcy anytime soon. And they didn't take any of the Federal bail-out money, so that was reassuring. So I purchased as much as I could. Thank you Ford, for bouncing back.

Rule 4: IS TIME ON YOUR SIDE?
Not to sound ageist, but I'm assuming most of you reading this are far from retirement and consider yourselves "young". That said, if you're pretty sure 2012 isn't the beginning of the end, then it shouldn't be too hard to convince you that the markets should rebound. Invest now, and ride out the tough times. If those investments don't totally fail due to bankruptcy or buy-outs, then they'll most likely do just fine. Just don't sell them. I wish I could find the quote, but the concept is still poignant, no matter who said it (so I'll say it). A powerful stock broker was once asked "What was the biggest mistake you've ever made in the stock market?" Their answer: "I sold some stock."

Rule 5: FEAR IS YOUR FRIEND
Remember when BP really F'd up a while back. Remember when their stock took a tumble? Did you ever think their evil ways would put them out of business? Well, they're not going anywhere, and those that purchased their stock when it was 5 miles under the ocean saw 40% growth within the month. Did I buy BP? Nope. I'd say it's because I have a heart, but I was worried federal fines would put them out of business. But a stock I do own is Bank of America, because I bank with them, and I send them a mortgage payment each month. Now I hear about Wikileaks planning on spilling tons of dirt on Bank of America which might tank their stock. And I say, "Bring it on". Sure, I'll lose more money, but I already purchased it cheap (thanks banking scandal). But now I can look forward to the potential Black Friday pricing it's about to have. And when it tanks, I'll buy even more for my money. When I'm 50, if the stock is performing well, I'll move it into something more secure and less volatile... like a Scrooge McDuck coin-filled swimming vault.

Just remember buying stocks = gambling. If you ever go into a casino with the plan of coming out with more money, you have a problem. Instead, look around and pick out a couple marble tiles that you can feel proud of purchasing. If you lose everything, chalk it up to an entertaining evening. If you can't afford to lose all your stock investments, then don't play. But in the meantime, it's a pretty fun game. And if it all comes tumbling down, just be sure your TiVo is full of old episodes of Man vs Wild. Because no amount of money helps you in the wild.

The New Gap Logo. What a Waste.

2010-10-06T20:05:00.000-07:00

I’m not a huge fan of waste—that’s pretty much the driving force behind this entire blog. When I saw the new Gap logo today, all I could see is waste.

First of all, new logo designs cost a ton of money. The creative process aside, the re-branding of EVERYTHING will cost The Gap millions of dollars. Every store's signage, bags, clothing tags, business papers, etc. And for what gain? Readability? Yes, Helvetica is very legible, but Gap wasn’t at a loss for brand awareness in the first place. Did they want to re-energize the brand? Well, there’s plenty of energy being put into ripping the new logo to shreds. So far, I haven’t heard a single positive thing about it. Is this their marketing equivalent to the New Coke release, and then regressing back to the Classic Formula? I sure hope so.

Now to shed some light on the board room conversation that SHOULD have resulted in this new logo:

CEO: What font does American Apparel use?

Senior VP of Marketing: They use Helvetica.

CEO: Hallvetika? Is that some sort of Viking fat lady opera? Who cares, we’re using it. Hmm, all caps or initial caps?

Creative Director: Initial caps, it will look more like a one word sentence. Because ‘Gap’ has so much to say.

CEO: YES, a sentence punctuated with three exclamation points!!!

Senior VP of Marketing: Instead, let’s give a shout-out to our old square logo by hanging it off the corner of the p like a flag.

Art Director: Like “We surrender?”

Senor VP of Marketing: No, in the dark blue of our old logo. It’s our corporate “flagship.”

Senior Fashion Buyer: But everyone knows you don’t wear blue with black in the fashion world.

CEO: Who cares, we’re a lifestyle brand, not a fashion brand. We’re using black Helvanagon with our old blue box.

Creative Director: I’m afraid my aging mother will have difficulty reading the black p with the dark box behind it.

Art Director: I can put a lighter gradient behind the p, to make it easier to read. But I’ll warn you, gradients don’t reproduce well in standard or vector based web graphics. They don’t print well either, but they do look hella boss on tattoos. I should also warn you that that this logo won’t translate very well in black and white.

CEO: Fifty dollar Starbucks card to the first one of you who tattoos this bitchin’ logo on their lower back. And who needs black and white? I’ve lived my life in color since the 60s. Sell your 500-pound radio already, and get a plasma. Other than that, I think we’re ready to ship it! Any of you fools gonna finish that last donut?

All joking aside, this new logo most likely took months to design and test. I’m sure many wonderful ideas were brought to the table. Unfortunately, the best idea was ignored: keeping the old logo.

Air is Free, Stop Paying Extra

2010-09-06T20:35:00.000-07:00

What's more foolish than buying bottled water? Buying air. Buying bottled water is pretty stupid, but that's a whole different entry.

I've been noticing that more and more air is being pumped into our consumer products. Obviously it's tons of air that makes something like Cool Whip rise to the top in a love/hate relationship we all have with America's most famous pie topping. But more recently, my wife (bless her heart) brought home some Yoplait Whips yogurt cups. As a man of calories first, foofiness second, I was highly disappointed in how much air had replaced what seemed like many spoonfuls of yogurty goodness (two ounces to be exact). I felt like a humpback whale as I expelled the trapped pockets of air out my baleen plates in order to not be burping up "Strawberry Mist" later. Then I felt like a righteous cheap bastard in pointing out the error in my wife's non-Kittellian way.

However, I'll be the first to admit that one of the finest products to hit the recent consumer market is foam soap. I first remember seeing it spring up in hospitals, and then in public restrooms. With foam, you don't over-soap your hand with gel...then wait five minutes as the faucet sensor treats you like a vampire in a mirror. Nor do you remove your fingertips with the sandblasting soap powder (which I secretly love) that they used to stock in the bathrooms of gas stations, elementary schools and Washington State Ferries. But now that we're given the option of purchasing foam soap in the supermarket, it has become a Kittellian issue.

If you like foam soap, and want to bring it into your house, there's no escaping the purchase of your first bottle. Just buck up and shell out the $3.50 (or if you want to go a step beyond Kittellian even, just rifle through the neighborhood recycle bins). Once the bottle is empty of its original product, you can look forward to discovering the secret that allows soap executives to lather up in Benjamins. To refill a foam soap bottle, you can actually use ANY liquid soap. From my experience, you can refill your empty brand-name foam soap bottle with 30-40% ghetto soap. The rest you fill with water—but slowly, so it doesn't foam on the inside. Then roll the bottle back and forth to mix the two liquids. Then pump away and bask in the knowledge that you no longer have to play the role of the whipped consumer. If your mixture is too thick with regular soap, it will be too viscous for the aerating mechanism to pump air into the soap. So start with a light mix and then keep adding soap to reach optimal foaming performance.

I realize this will probably save you, like, two dollars over the course of a year. But discovering these little gems is what being Kittellian is all about. And the more foam-soap-refill things you discover, the more you start seeing how to trim waste and live better on less. Oh, and you should stop buying Cool Whip, 'cause that sh*t will kill you.

Vacation House Swapping

2010-07-25T08:15:00.000-07:00

We recently took the family down to Portland following the Seattle to Portland bike ride. I try to do the ride every year, and in the past we have found a place to stay in downtown Portland. But with two young kids, the need for additional stuff and space makes the one room layout logistically nightmarish. Naps, for instance, still need to happen on vacation. When you're all stuck in one room with a napping one-year-old, and a three-year-old who doesn't nap (or listen)... let's just say that nobody gets the rest they require. When the kids are expected to sleep in the evening, we would just sit there quietly like the lame kids at a slumber party who wished everyone else would just shut up and go to sleep.

This year, we took a new approach. My wife asked if I knew anyone who lived in Portland who might want to swap houses with us. I thought for a while, and realized that I did. While I hadn't seen Kelly in 18 years since we graduated from high school, I knew through Facebook that she and her husband also have two children and a nice home. I had been following many of their ambitious home improvement projects that they also tackled on their own, and assessed that we damn near live parallel lives in our respective cities. Now how to breach the 18 year hiatus with such a wild proposal. After a few Facebook emails, we were good to go. Luckily they're both teachers with flexible summer schedules, which was perfect because we wanted to swap houses during the week following the weekend bike ride.

Then reality hit. Having people over for a party is one thing. You do some spot cleaning, and close the doors of the rooms you piled all your crap into. But when someone is going to live in your house, YOUR ENTIRE HOUSE, you feel the need to clean the entire house. This isn't such a bad thing. We soon realized that being able to see out our windows, which hadn't been cleaned in three years, is a good thing. And that the towel hanging over the bathroom window isn't an adequate replacement for blinds. So over three weekends we scrubbed, wiped and dusted the entire house and closed the book on many nagging projects, which was quite refreshing.

Now comes the swap. First off, the Portland house isn't really in Portland. It's not even in Oregon. Turns out, their house is in Camas, Washington. But as luck would have it, Camas is a pretty bitchin' little 'burb about 20 minutes from Portland. Upon entering the house I questioned Kelly's teaching career, as I could see her giving the Pottery Barn photo stylists a run for their money. And I was especially relieved when I saw that their king-size mattress ALSO had the eerie his-and-hers depressions. Their daughters' rooms were preciously decorated, and my son quickly got over the emasculation of sleeping in a girl's room when he discovered the top bunk. The only downside of which was when I had to contort my 6'6" frame into what felt like a set from Gulliver's Travels in order to read him his bedtime stories. The portable crib worked as expected for our daughter. But with her own room, we could still enjoy our evenings watching copious amounts of reality garbage on the TV.

With a full kitchen at the house we were able to eat most meals at home, but ventured out to grab take-out a couple times. We like to dine out, but with jacked vacation schedules, our children would rather speak in whale song than eat anything we put before them at a restaurant. The house's kitchen was stocked with all the staples one would need to cook a reasonable meal. But we still purchased most of our food. When we couldn't finish something, there wasn't the guilt of leaving it in the kitchenette mini-fridge, instead of a tip for the cleaning crew. We were confident that Kelly and her family would all appreciate the rocky road ice cream and beer we left in our wake.

When contemplating your house swap, consider the following:

Is your home an equitable residence to the place you're looking to swap with?
Would they have any reason to want to come to your neck of the woods?
Are they going to be offended when you just want to visit their house, and not them (not advised for close family/friends you don't see frequently)?
Did your cat recently cough up a hair ball, and you're certain she'll be good to go for a few weeks?
Can you trust them, or are they going to rob you blind?

In all, the house swap was a wonderful experience for us. We figured we saved a good $500 by not having to stay at a hotel. It's also refreshing to know that your house is inhabited while you're gone, and that someone is feeding your cat, dog or attic-child. The biggest bummer is not being able to hang out with the people you're swapping with. On the flip side, you could always drop in and stay with someone you know really well. But to that notion I'll quote Benjamin Franklin: "Fish and guests stink in three days." And in the meantime, your house will be burglarized.

Making Small Fortunes On Craigslist

2010-07-14T19:38:00.000-07:00

I flip bikes. What sweet tricks will YOU do after reading this?

It’s always been my dream to flip real estate, but I also want a long and happy marriage, while being able to afford some sort of education for my children. So house-flipping fantasies might have to be grounded for a few years. Real estate has too many factors that are beyond my control…like interest rates, crumbling foundations, crumbling housing markets and rodentia. In the meantime, I’ve applied my passion and knowledge of cycling into a wintertime investment opportunity.

No matter what your passion, there’s usually a high season and a low season for activities you love that involve stuff. Right now we’re in a high season for bicycles, and a low season for, say, alpine skiing equipment and space heaters (for all you space heater collectors). During the winter, I will frequent Craigslist to seek out deals on bikes. Lucky for me, I know enough about bikes to gauge the resale value of both the brand equity placed on frame names, and the components on the bikes. I also know how to search.

Frames aren’t all that valuable, as most of a bicycle’s value is riding in the components—or the drive train, wheel set, brakes/levers, stem, bars and seat. So I search for keywords that will give me results for bikes with a good group set, or gruppo (Italian). Keywords like 105, Ultegra or Dura Ace will fetch me bikes with higher-end Shimano components. Veloce, Record or Centaur will let me see what bikes come with Campagnolo components. And then I compare the prices of the complete bikes featuring those parts.

During the off season, many people don’t hope to fetch a competitive price for their stuff, because there’s little competition. Quite often, they’re moving, or need money for holidays or vacation, or recently exited the high season for their “thing” and are depressed at how little they used it…and just throw in the towel. And then I buy it. If I can’t find anything of value, I’ll place a wanted ad on Craigslist for what I want. And then I’m in the driver’s seat to review the offers that only show up on my inbox. That totally eliminates the competition.

My best flip started when a friend was over for dinner one night in February and I was showing him how I search for bikes on Craigslist. The second ad was for a Bianchi Veloce for just 250 bucks. The Campagnolo gruppo on it was well worth $500 by itself, so I instantly abandoned my dinner guests and called the guy with an offer of 300 bucks ($50 over asking), to give me a fighting chance versus all the calls I knew he was about to get hit with. I picked it up the next morning (he had to turn his phone off that night due to all the calls), took it home and cleaned it. Then I took the brand new tires off it, and swapped them with an old pair I had kickin’ around, mostly because they looked cooler on it (marketing rules). When the weather warmed up, and the cycling season was in full swing, I took some sexy photos of the bike, posted them on Photobucket, and copied the html text they provided and pasted it into my ad on CL, so the pics show up really huge in the ad (and you’re not limited to 4 pics). I sold the bike for 800 bucks, netting a $500 profit. The best part about waiting for a few months is that you don’t get caught. Nobody likes a flipper. I’ve seen the Craigslist community “out” other flippers when it’s done the following day. Do I feel that I took advantage of the person who purchased the Bianchi? No, because I know they still got a pretty fair deal. That bike, new in a bike shop, would have been double what they paid me. It was a win/win situation.

Hopefully you have a hobby that requires stuff. Flex that niche muscle of yours and help fund your addiction like I do with cycling. And remember, it’s a hobby. Don’t expect to tack on 10k to your annual income. Bike building to me is like knitting is to someone who wants to sit for 10 hours to make something a Shaoxing factory can kick out in 20 seconds. There are better uses of your time to make a buck. But if you’re having fun, go for it.

Save Money On Your Wedding

2010-07-12T17:41:00.000-07:00

It’s wedding season, and the biggest thing to keep in mind is that your guests don't care about the marriage part of it (that’s for your parents). Your guests just want an open bar, and good food at the reception... Which can be pricey. It’s not Kittellian to deprive people of these needs (that would be cheap). If you don't drink, and feel alcohol might be inappropriate at your reception... Just don't serve booze. Stick to your morals and let people judge you as they see fit. Cash bars are more insulting than no bars. Here are other ways to extend your wedding budget.

Do your own flowers:

If you get married in the winter, you're pretty much screwed paying a florist. An early summer wedding budget can benefit from inexpensive tulips, or gorgeous lilies. An August wedding can be dressed up with dahlias. If you have a farmers market nearby, making arrangements directly with vendors can fetch you huge savings. I went to a dahlia farm in a neighboring town and picked out flowers with my fiancé. On the day before the wedding we picked them up in 5 gallon buckets. Then the ladies in the friends & family network assembled bouquets the night before over bottles of wine. And these flowers don't need any accompaniment; they look perfect bundled in vases by themselves. We spent under 200 bucks on our flowers, and that covered all the bouquets, boutonnieres, aisle decorations and reception table settings.

Choose one flavor of cake:

If you select two flavors of cake, each guest will try both flavors, and will end up eating twice as much cake. This will result in you having to purchase more cake than normal, or running out of cake. In the latter case, your guests won't remember you fudging your vows; they'll remember not getting cake. While cupcakes are kitschy and cute, another way to save with the cake is to have a small round-tiered cake made for the cutting ceremony (and for clogging your freezer for a year), and then have a huge sheet cake for the masses. Preferably with some witty quote like: “Most of your gifts will be returned to pay for this damn cake.”

Limos are lame:

Most of us know someone with a bitchin' car. And that person is probably already coming to the wedding. In trade for a wedding gift, have that person drive you from the chapel to the reception. The car owner will get a kick out of being included, and the newlyweds get to add some spice to their wedding album. From Bentleys to Barracudas, bitchin' is totally up to you. My bride and I rode in a blushing 1940 Ford convertible. Luckily, the 50 bobby pins in her hair kept everything together.

Wedding favors:

...are totally lost on most of the drunks leaving your reception. Most of the favors will go home with you, because people don't really care. Unless the goodies are cookies, cash or ibuprofen… just save yourself the investment.

Remember, nothing is more threatening to a marriage than financial struggles. Start your life together on the right foot. Live long and Kittellian!

Never Have a Garage Sale

2010-07-07T21:37:00.000-07:00

First, let me clarify that attending garage sales is very Kittellian indeed. But the effort of setting up a garage sale is a grotesque waste of time. If you’ve ever spent the better part of a weekend doing this, and find yourself holding a few hundred dollars in the end, you know what I mean. Oh yeah, and you just worked the weekend you would have otherwise had off.

Reasons garage sales suck:

Two words: EARLY BIRDS!
No one ever thinks your stuff is as valuable as you think it is.
To bring you back down to reality, people use tactics like “look, here’s a stain”, or “there’s a little tear in the back”, or “this tie-dyed jean jacket has the wrong spelling for ‘AWSOME’”.
Some friend catches wind of your sale, and they want to throw some stuff in with their own colored price tags (with lofty expectations), so you can keep track of how much to pay them. But they’re too busy to work the sale.
You lose a friend.
Foreigners who conjure their haggling powers to turn your carport into a Turkish bazaar.
Finding out first-hand that your neighbors’ kids are assholes as they rummage through your “crap”.
Constantly telling people that the stuff behind the “Police Line Don’t Cross” ribbon is not for sale.
After the sale, you have a mountain of odd change, most of which came from the festering cracks of decomposing vinyl interiors of cars with names ending in "Royale"
Did I mention you lose a weekend?

So what is the Kittellian alternative? DONATE THAT CRAP! Most people are amazed at how much their stuff is worth when they consider the donated value of their belongings. Besides, after any normal garage sale, you’re going to make a trip to the Goodwill anyway. But after hosting a garage sale, you’re pissed off, and simply don’t have the energy to document your donations for the year-end tax filing.

Here’s a quick (well, not so quick) shakedown of why donating makes more sense than selling stuff at a garage sale. To start, let’s figure how much your federal tax rate is. For most of you reading this, that will be 25%. When you donate items, you’re offsetting the income that you have to pay taxes on.

If income = $100,000 / Taxes = $25,000

If you donate $10,000 worth of items, you only have to pay taxes on $90,000

If income = $90,000 / Taxes = $22,500

25,000 - 22,500 =2,500

In this example, 2,500 is the cash you’ll get back when you file your return (assuming you paid your taxes exactly as you should’ve during the year). 2,500 just so happens to be 25% of the value of the items you donated.

25% becomes the rule of thumb for determining whether or not you should sell an item at a garage sale, or donate it. Or ask yourself: “Can I make 25% (at a garage sale) of what the IRS agrees is the 100% donated value?"

I love the Intuit (makers of TurboTax) product: It’s Deductible. It’s a seamless (and free) application with TurboTax for itemizing your deductions during tax season. In this tool you’ll quickly find that your stuff is worth A LOT. For example, below you can see the donated value of books:

TEXTBOOKS ARE WORTH 9 BUCKS? Good luck at netting $2.25 at a garage sale for that 1985 Astronomy 101 textbook with your attempt at the Van Halen logo on the foreword by Stephen Hawking. The value is based on Condition… Not Relevance. But lucky for you, the solar system hasn’t had much of a change since then. Well, we did lose Pluto, and VH lost David Lee Roth… So maybe it’s worth 8 bucks.

You’ll quickly find that our Federal Government's opinion of self-worth is generously handed down through their opinion of your old unwanted stuff. Remember that jean jacket? It’s worth 16 dollars to your donated bottom-line. You can either try to get 4 bucks for it at a garage sale (best of luck), or write-in the item as "vintage" and assign your own estimated value… But be sure to back it up with your own research on eBay, or see what similar items are selling for at vintage clothing retailers and take a picture of the price tag... Or just claim the 16 bucks already.

OK, now how to CYA (Cover Your Ass) in the event of an audit. All I do is lay all the stuff on a table in a way so everything is visible, and I take pictures. If I have 15 t-shirts to donate, I’ll fold them neatly and stack them up and place a paper with a giant “15” on the top of the stack. Then I box the junk. Then I take a picture of my loot being unloaded at Goodwill. I mean, you’re going to Goodwill, might as well embrace it. During tax time, I look at the pictures on my computer and enter the items into It’s Deductible. Just don't forget to get a signed receipt. Many non-profits will even come through your neighborhood to pick up your stuff... But they're a little more picky, and might refuse your halogen dorm lamp.

I regularly rack up donations well north of $2000 with this method. And I would NEVER be able to make 500 dollars (25% of 2000) at a garage sale, as that would require me to sell all my items.

In closing, there are a few times having a garage sale makes sense:

Selling baby/kids items. Many of these clothes have never been worn. And in most cases, people got the clothes from a friend, or from a shower. And new parents, or parents-to-be, are irrational people and will often pay a higher-than-average price to outfit their children. (As a parent, I’m qualified to make this statement). WARNING: Be prepared for your children to take a sudden interest in toys previously ignored, and their heart-ache as they witness the death march of their happy meal toys in the cool-aid stained mouths of random toddlers.
Selling lots of specialty items at one sale: like bike parts, camera equipment or movie collectibles. The IRS doesn’t care about your Dura-Ace derailleur, or your Shrek standy. But fanatical hobbyists and collectors do. They’ll be looking to get a fair price, but not under 25% of what it’s worth. And what you don’t sell at this garage sale, you just post on eBay, or Craigslist.
Selling building materials, or other sundries like a 16 foot long 2x4 that non-profits have very little use for. Most often, these items are too much of an effort to haul away, so sucker someone else to do it for you. Dudes love these sales, if for no other reason to stand shoulder to shoulder with other dudes to brag about all the stuff they're never going to do with the materials they'll soon be selling at their own houses.