It is with mixed emotions that I can say today is the first time I felt really proud to be pregnant with #2.

‘Say what?!’ You might say. ‘You’ve been begging God for another baby for YEARS and you’re just now feeling proud to be prego?!’

Yep, pretty much. It’s weird, but my emotions haven’t been all that stable and mix that with the fear of losing this baby (totally unfounded but there none the less) and you could say I’ve felt apprehensive this past months.

But there I was this morning, walking to Starbucks (don’t worry, doctor approved it) and I caught sight of my reflection in the window. There’s a bump there! Like as in, ‘you’re not pudgy anymore but I’m pretty sure you’re pregnant’ bump. And as people walked by on the street I became aware of how I used to feel seeing a prego mama and all the emotions that would hit me. Then a sudden wave of amazement hit even harder….I. Am. Pregnant.

Holy cow. Thank you Jesus.

I am sad it’s taken this long for the wave of excitement and…’proud-ness’ to be accepted by myself but I’m thankful it’s come.

I don’t want to live in the amount of fear I’ve been keeping hidden in me. As others would ask the typical questions I would say the normal answers. ‘I’m tired.‘  ’I've not been feeling well.’  ’Just trying to not be overly active.’  All of which were true…but not deep.

I wouldn’t say how terrified I was if I chose to fully accept this pregnancy, I might be crushed if it went away. I didn’t know how I would handle that loss.

I know that those feelings are ‘normal’. But should they be? Meaning, should we really accept this fear as normal instead of actively trying to give it over to God? I thought He said we didn’t have to live in fear. (sarcasm) Yes fear will come and probably in waves, but how will we face it?

Even though I am in the ‘safe zone’ and beginning to feel proud to be pregnant (holla!), it doesn’t negate the fact that I still deal with fear daily. I think the one thing that gives me comfort is knowing 100% that He made this little miracle and protected it when we new nothing of the danger we were putting it in.  (by lifting heavy things, walking tons, etc.) I believe  He’s kept this little one safe for a reason and no amount of fear or worrying will change what He wants to do with its life. And that takes a whole  lota  pressure off myself.

So in the future, as I’ll get obvious looks at my stomach, like today at the sandwich place, I will proudly wear fitted clothes to show off the miracle He is continuing to cover, protect and nurture.

Peace out friends. Oh and yes, prego pictures will be coming up soon.

Going to be bed at 9:30pm, waking up at 8am and still feeling exhausted and tired the next day. 

Emma ‘coloring’ on a mirror with her chap stick. Only to have it (heavy mirror) fall on her pinning her to the ground.

Tons of daddy daughter dates. 

TONS of talking about our vacation to Texas. Emma can. not. wait. Too bad we still have a month to go.

I’ve been watch all the episodes of MONK. Emma likes to say his name cause it makes me laugh.

Travis has been doing EVERYTHING and I’m so grateful. I married a great guy.

Emma deciding to put lip smacker lip gloss ALL OVER HER FACE thinking it could pass as make up. 3 days in a row. 

After said incidents she proudly walks into our bedroom in the morning showing us her ‘new make up’. Good lord, it’s FINGER NAIL POLISH. On her eye lids to her chin.

Crying as I watch track and field on TV.  (hey, it was an amazing race!) I really really want to go to the Olympic qualifications in Eugene next month.

Feeling crazy loved on by friends who have and still are giving us food. Yesterday we got an Indonesian feast. Home made. Oh yeah, we’ll be eating from that for a week. 

Getting bigger! I think I’m showing earlier than with Emma.

Have I mentioned I can’t wait for Texas?

Well, that’s some highlights. I’m sitting here listening to Dianna Krall eating a peanut butter bagel, my life is rough. hehe

I’ll get to blogging more soon, just don’t feel like it recently. But thankfully, I don’t feel that much pressure to. Peace out friends, take a walk outside for me.  

And in my pregnancy I have stage three, meaning the babe is not out of the danger zone yet. I can still do normal things that would cause a hemorige and result in me losing this baby. However, that is not going to happen, but facts are facts. So I am now under strict orders to not lift, hold, pick up or even think about straining my core muscles. No cooking, cleaning (holla!), no playing with Emma, no grocery shopping, etc. And spend more time on the couch which I thought was impossible since I’m snuggled on it constantly. I’ve had to learn how to sit up without using my tummy muscles. Try it, I dare you. It’s hard.

My new OB said to come in a month to see the progress so I’m hopeful. Until then, if I don’t blog much, just imagine me on the couch/bed under a fleece blanket feeling sick.  :)

My mom is here helping of a bit (thanks mommy!) but what really has touched my heart is the support of our friends here that have organized meals (the most stressful part of my life right now) and some have offered to help clean.

Seriously. How humbling.

Thank you everyone for your prayers, food and helping hand. I can’t wait to tell you everything is in the clear and healthy.

*picture from a month ago, most days you can find me with a ponytail, pj’s and fleece blanket.

Just wanted to let everyone know I am still alive. I haven’t been feeling well enough to blog or feel inspired. Why?

Because we found out we are pregnant! Yahoo!!!

So I’ve been spending some quality time with our couch and will probably for at least another month. Would love your prayers, but so far everything is going well.  :)

Thanks!

A great women’s retreat. Still processing but so happy I went! Great friends and lots of laughs.

The poor drivers must have thought I was a crazy lady trying to take a picture of their car. But I love their bumper sticker!

I’m at the beach right now (women’s retreat) listening to the waves, hanging with tons of ladies and ‘hopefully’ sleeping in. I am most excited about focusing on God and I and some things I’ve allowed to come in between our relationship. One major factor: fundraising for Poland has become a Mt. Everest and I’m looking forward to it being taken down. 

Hope you have a great weekend focusing on those you love. 

(it seems weird to me, but these grow all around our beaches. They seem like such a delicate flower but apparently they can take the cold weather and harsh winds. They’re one of my favorite flowers….)

Please ignore the hanging head. But I’m thinking of adding a bit more yellows and brighter colors. Too much black/brown for a cheery wreath but thought it was perfect! Soft, whimsical, and easy to accomplish. (and cheap too-holla)

I can’t wait to show you when it’s done.

This project has probably been around for YEARS….I can remember doing it as a kid and trust me- that was many years ago.

Pretty self explanitory. Just look at the pictures. 

Paint, dry, scrunch and secure with anything you like.

While we were making these I thought how awesome it would be to make a butterfly family hanging from the ceiling! It can also see these as adorable baby mobiles! Just attach to an embroidery hoop. Great baby shower gift- a homemade adorable mobile.

I simply squished the filters, together and secured them with a pipe cleaner wrapping the end with a pencil to make them curly on the end.

I attached the butterflies with embroider string then to an embroider hoop. 

I asked Travis what he wanted for his birthday and he said beer and chocolate.  :)

30!!!! Holy cow! He’s SO old now!    

hehehe