Klikzee

To laugh in the face of death

2012-01-03T10:48:00.000-08:00

He is the anytime stand-up comic: make that sit-down, lie back, and even asleep... err make love. Which is not to say, he is not a pro at that either. So, then. Big fat surprise that Chennai’s crag Gallyot should recommend that you laugh your way through doomsday blues. Does he believe the world is hurtling to an end? In all comic seriousness (go figure that one), he says, “Yes, it sure hell is! These Mayans may not have known how to domesticate cattle but they knew their planets, and their movements, outside in. one half of comic duo Craig and Cary. (Edwards) says all you are “sure to be spreading a good word about me soon!”

Come on guys, get yourself some shelter – of course, you have a roof over your heads. But you’ll need more. Now is the time to get zeroing in on all those loaded people out there. Think dr. Vijay Mallya, the Ambanis, think whatever… but think hard. Think of ways you are going to storm their citadels. Invade googlearth, find the exact coordinates, latitudes, and plan your move. Remember, this is an emergency, so etiquette can take a hike.

Find spirits to keep you happy – now that you are in a protected zone (of course, you are. You think the industrialist spent millions on his tower without installing anti-disaster mechanisms?), think larder and libation. Attack the bar, raid the fridge.

Say hello to the chemist – you wouldn’t be so daft as to forget your medicines. So get stocking on them; everything from that sinusitis inhaler to a Viagra pop.

Plan your own republic – if you survive the Mayan scare (assuming most other don’t), it’s a good time to test your entrepreneurship and sprit of enterprise. Choose your men wisely. And choose the women even better. Here’s your chance the women even better. Here your chance to curve your own future, draft your own currency, design a flag, and be the first citizen of a spanking new utopia. And once you are done declaring yourself president, get down to creating your social networking site. Can you even think of serving without one? The ruler out to have followers, Right?

Repopulate the world. You have a few hot women and a bunch of virile men… you did the choosing! Now is the time to get busy between the sheets and get those numbers back.

Finally! – If you are still hyperventilating, I suggest you pack your bags and head to amaranth. God anole can save you.

Best Tips To Get Rid Of An Hangover Fast

2012-01-03T05:51:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had far too much to drink the other day? Had so much  fun on a Saturday evening? Stumbling out of bed having a hangover could  be an extremely agonizing and frequently incapacitating feel. If you  wish to get rid of a hangover, that can be done by stop it from possibly  taking place to start with by taking into advisement such handful of  simple recommendations.

To get rid of hangover prior to going out partying make sure you take  a multi-vitamin and have a full stomach just before drinking alcoholic  drinks. Shortage of vitamin B-12 and also hypoglycemia could make you  very likely to getting a hangover. Alcoholic drinks is a diuretic. This  means, when you ingest it in huge amounts, it’s going to deprive the  body with plenty of essential fluids and electrolytes.

If  you are dehydrated, the alcohol will stay longer in your system giving  you a hangover. In order to prevent this, when out partying, be sure to  alternate drinking water with your alcoholic drink. In this way, the  hangover causing alcohol will be flushed quickly from your body.

When you get home, before you sleep, drink some Gatorade to replenish  some of the sugars and electrolytes lost from the effect of visiting  the bathroom too often because of the alcohol. In order to get rid of  hangover quickly when you wake up, eat something no matter what. Even a  cracker can do wonders for your body.

Stay away from taking coffee if you have a hangover for the reason  that caffeine constricts the blood vessels upping your blood pressure  and may possibly aggravate the hangover. Coffee is yet another diuretic  that may deprive your body with fluids as well as electrolytes. If you  happen to be a frequent coffee enthusiast each day, going for a sip or  two is all right just so you won’t have a caffeine withdrawal headache  along with your hangover.

Enjoying liquor as well as suffering from a throbbing migraine the  following day is without a doubt a very common predicament. But were you  aware that it’s not at all that difficult to get rid of a hangover.Discovering how to get rid of a hangover is the solution.

Am I Pregnant ? Do Want To Check Out If You Are Pregnant ? Simple Steps To Check If You Are Pregnant Or Not.

2012-01-03T05:45:00.000-08:00

When a woman's period comes late, one of the first questions she asks is Am I pregnant?"Fortunately, there are many symptoms of pregnancy that a woman can look for if she is uncertain.

Am I Pregnant? The Missed Period

The most common sign of pregnancy is the missed period. This event,  or non-event, is what typically triggers the questions and concerns a  woman may have about being pregnant. Whether she was planning a child,  or it comes as a surprise, missing a period may be the time she wonders  first if she could be pregnant.

Of course, not every woman will miss her first period, or be aware  that she did. Some women may experience implantation bleeding and  cramping that can mimic a light period. This can be mistaken for a  regular menstrual cycle without actually being one. For some women, the  pregnancy hormones may be too low to properly stop a period from  happening. This does not necessarily mean that a miscarriage is  happening or is about to happen. Some women have normal, healthy  pregnancies despite low hormone levels in the beginning.

Am I Pregnant? Other Signs of Pregnancy

There are many other symptoms that can cause a woman to ask if she is  pregnant. Many women experience morning sickness and nausea, tenderness  and swelling of the breasts, increased vaginal mucus, and headaches  during the early weeks of pregnancy. When more than one of these  symptoms of pregnancy are happening together, it may be a sign that  pregnancy has occurred.

Am I Pregnant? Taking a Pregnancy Test

The easiest way to answer the question "Am I Pregnant?" is to  take a pregnancy tests. There are many at-home pregnancy tests that can  be purchased for personal use. These tests check for levels of hCG, an  important pregnancy hormone, in the urine. The amount of this hormone  can vary greatly from one woman to next, yet it is typically high enough  to detect in pregnant women by 7-10 days after conception.

The best time to use a pregnancy test is early in the morning after  your have already missed your period. The body needs time to build up  enough hCG to be detectable by the test, though there are some tests now  that allow for earlier times. Making sure that the test is done when  you have not urinated for several hours ensures that there is a strong  concentration of hCG in the urine to be detectable.

When missing a period comes as a complete surprise, many women start  wondering "Am I pregnant?" Experiencing the many signs and symptoms  of pregnancy can be a good indicator that conception has happened. The  best way to be certain, however, is to take a reliable pregnancy test.  If you are still not sure, your doctor will be able to do other tests to  give you a definitive answer. 

How To Kiss A Complete Guide Step By Step

2012-01-01T08:11:00.000-08:00

Preperation:

Make sure your lips are moisturized and soft

Make sure your breath smells good (read the mini-guide on page

And your body too, take a shower

Step 1:

Make the other person feel comfortable. If your partner looks nervous, calm him/her down a little bit, say some nice things and put up a cute smile.

Step 2:

Touch your partners face, stroke it lightly. Touching someone’s face lightly is a lot more sensitive and erotic than hard stroking. Move your eyes between your partners eyes and his/her lips.

Step 3:

Give a small kiss on the cheek, and then look in your partners eyes, smile again.

Step 4:

Move in for the kiss, slowly. Tilt your head a little bit so your noses don’t hit each other. Close your eyes and do not stick your tongue in immediately, just give a slow and sweet kiss on the lips. Kiss either his/her lower lip or upper lip, it doesn’t really matter, but pick one.

Step 5:

Open your eyes and look at each other, time to smile again. Lightly stroke your partners face again, and go in for another kiss.

Step 6:

Repeat step 4 and 5 as long as you want, vary between the upper lip and the lower lip. If you feel you’re both ready to go on for real French kissing, than move to step 7.

Step 7:

Repeat step 4, but now slightly brush your tongue over his/her lips slightly, and watch for the response. If it’s positive, you can move on to step 8.

Step 8:

Do the same thing again, but this time, stick your tongue in a little but further. Do not shove in your whole tongue in your partners throat at once, keep it slow and sensitive. If you want, you can place your hand in the back of your partners neck.

Step 9:

When you’re kissing, brush you’re tongue against his/her tongue. Make some circles or figure 8’s. You could also explore his/her mouth a bit with you’re tongue. Just go with the flow, everyone is a bit different. Just don’t start making circles like a blender and don’t let your tongue sit there doing nothing.

Step 10:

From time to time, pull back, and repeat step 9 again. It’s definitely good to vary a little bit by tilting your head to the other side from time to time. If you had your head tilted to the left, tilt it to the right next time.

Different tongue movements

Circles – Circling your tongues around each other

Figure 8’s – The same as the circle, but now your moving in an 8 figure

Pushing your partners tongue up, down, left or right

Bullying, by pulling your tongue back and moving it back in

Be playful and creative, go with the flow!

Kissing Variations

Moving your head while kissing, for example in circles or figure 8’s

Bullying, by pulling back if you’re partner tries to go in for another kiss, then moving in for the kiss yourself when they react to your pulling back

Standing behind your partner, and kissing over the shoulder

Kissing different body parts (face, neck, or lower…) in between

What to do with your hands?

In the back of your partners neck

On your partners butt

Touching/stroking your partners face

In the your partners back pockets (not to long)

Use your imagination! Be creative and random

Things to avoid / Most made mistakes:

Making very fast circles with your tongue, like a washing machine.

Leaving your tongue in their mouth, doing nothing. This is a big turnoff.

Sticking your tongue in to deep, if you’re partner starts choking, you’re in to deep.

Starting to tongue-kiss to early, follow all the steps above and don’t go from step 1 to step 8.

Forgetting to breathe through your nose, if you kiss a bit longer this is going to be important.

Not using your hands, see above for some tips on how to use them.

kissing to wet, make sure you swallow your saliva before you kiss.

Problems with a bad breath, make sure you deal with this before you kiss (see the miniguide below).

Miniguide for a good breath:

Brush your teeth

Wet your tongue with water

Buy an Oralbrush,it's a tongue cleaner designed to perfectly clean your tongue and make it softer too. If you don't want an Oralbrush, take a spoon, doesn't work as well but it's still better than nothing. You only need 1, it lasts a lot longer than a toothbrush.

If you have an Oralbrush: Use the soft rubber hairs to clean and soften your tongue, and then use the hard scraper to scrape your tongue. The smelly stuff will stick to the rubber hairs. Repeat this until nothing comes of your tongue anymore. Read the instructions if you want to know how to use it in more detail.

If you want to use a spoon: Scrape your tongue with the spoon a couple of times.

After using the spoon, use mouthwash or brush your teeth again

Just prior to kissing, you could use some mouth spray or take a peppermint flavored chewing gum.

Pepper Spray Legality and a Safety Device for Women to Safeguard Against Rapists,Abductors,Molestors,Chain Snatchers

2011-10-18T08:30:00.000-07:00

Pepper spray,also known as OC spray (from "Resin"Oleoresin Capsicum" gas,and capsicum spray,is a lachrymatory agent(a chemical compound that irritates the eyes to cause tears, pain, and even temporary blindness) that is used in riot control, crowd control,and personal self-defence, including defence against dogs and bears.Its inflammatory effects cause the eyes to close, taking away vision. This temporary blindness allows officers to more easily restrain subjects and permits persons using pepper spray for self-defense an opportunity to escape.

Although considered a non-lethal agent,it may be deadly in rare cases, and concerns have been raised about a number of deaths where being pepper sprayed may have been a contributing factor.

The active ingredient in pepper spray is capsaicin,which is a chemical derived from the fruit of plants in the Capsicum genus,including Chili pepper.Extraction of oleoresin capsicum from peppers involves finely ground capsicum, from which capsaicin is extracted in an organic solvent such as ethanol. The solvent is then evaporated, and the remaining wax like resin is the oleoresin capsicum. An emulsifier such as propylene glycol is used to suspend the OC in water, and pressurized to make it aerosol in pepper spray. The high performance liquid chromatography(HPLC) method is used to measure the amount of capsaicin and major capsaicinoids within pepper sprays.

A synthetic analogue of capsaicin, pelargonic acid vanillylamide (desmethyldihydrocapsaicin), is used in another version of pepper spray known as PAVA spray which is used in the United Kingdom.Another synthetic counterpart of pepper spray, pelargonic acid morpholide, was developed and is widely used in Russia.Its effectiveness compared to natural pepper spray is unclear.

Pepper spray typically comes in canisters, which are often small enough to be carried or concealed in a pocket or purse. Pepper spray can also be bought concealed in items such as Finger ring.There are also pepper spray projectiles available,which can be fired from a paintball gun.It has been used for years against demonstrators. Many such canisters also contain dyes, either visible or UV-reactive, to mark an attacker's skin and/or clothing to enhance identification by police.

Effects:-

Pepper spray is an inflammatory agent. It causes immediate closing of the eyes, difficulty breathing, runny nose, and coughing.The duration of its effects depends on the strength of the spray but the average full effect lasts around thirty to forty-five minutes, with diminished effects lasting for hours.

The effects of pepper spray are far more severe, including temporary blindness which lasts from 15–30 minutes, a burning sensation of the skin which lasts from 45 to 60 minutes, upper body spasms which force a person to bend forward and uncontrollable coughing making it difficult to breathe or speak for between 3 to 15 minutes.

Deactivation and first aid:-

Capsaicin is not soluble in water, and even large volumes of water will not wash it off. Victims are generally encouraged to blink vigorously in order to encourage tears, which will help flush the irritant from the eyes.

Avoid rubbing the spray into the skin, thereby prolonging the burning sensation, and in order to not spread the compound to other parts of the body, victims should try to avoid touching affected areas. There are also wipes, manufactured for the express purpose of serving to decontaminate someone who has received a dose of pepper spray. Many ambulance services and emergency departments use baby shampoo to remove the spray and with generally good effect. Some of the OC and CS will remain in the respiratory system, but a recovery of vision and the coordination of the eyes can be expected within 7 to 15 minutes.

Legality:-

Pepper spray is banned for use in war by Article I.5 of the Chemical Weapons Convention which bans the use of all riot control agents in warfare whether lethal or non-lethal.In the US, when pepper spray is used in the workplace, OSHA requires a pepper spray MSDS be available to all employees.

Asia:-

In Hong Kong, pepper spray is classified as "arms" under the "Laws of Hong Kong". Chap 238 Firearms and Ammunition Ordinance. Without a valid license from the Hong Kong Police Force,it is a crime to possess and can result in a fine of $100,000 and to imprisonment for 14 years.

In India pepper spray is legal and does not require any licence; however they are sold via government approved companies after performing a background verification.

In Iran the use of pepper spray is forbidden and is only used by police forces.

In Iraq OC spray is carried by U.S. military guard force members working in detainee operations.

In The Philippines the use of pepper spray for self defence is legal, and it is freely available in stores.

In South Korea Pepper spray containing OC is legal; however, gas-gun types need a simple licence to own. CS is only available for police and private security firms.

Remove Dark Skin Patches At Home

2011-05-21T03:31:00.000-07:00

Dark patches on the skin can be caused by many different factors, including moderate to severe acne, rashes or skin abrasions. When the skin becomes discolored in places, it can cause the complexion to become uneven and unbalanced. Luckily, there are strategies for balancing out an uneven skin tone and to help fade dark patches of skin.
Citric acid, also known as vitamin C, not only helps remove dead skin gently, but also improves the skin's ability to turnover new skin cells. When the skin turns over new cells, dark skin patches and skin discolorations will lighten and balance out to the color of the rest of the skin. One of the easiest and most effective substances that contains a high level of citric acid is undiluted lemon juice. Lemon juice can be used on the skin up to three times per day. Simply soak a cotton ball in undiluted lemon juice, and apply it to the areas of dark skin, letting the lemon juice soak in and dry on the skin.
Urine is a sterile mixture that contains high levels of antibodies and vitamins that can help improve skin tone and can dramatically reduce redness on the skin. Urine has been used as a therapy for skin for centuries, and can effectively treat acne, psoriasis, eczema and skin irritations without the use of chemical products or ingredients. To use urine for dark patches on the skin, soak a cotton pad in the first morning's urine, and apply it directly to the discoloration. You can let the urine dry or rinse it off after 20 minutes.
Baking soda is extremely alkaline and will exfoliate dark patches on the skin gently. When the skin exfoliates, dead skin is sloughed off and removed so that fresh, new skin can be revealed. Mildly exfoliating the skin with baking soda will lighten dark patches quickly and effectively. To use baking soda as an exfoliant, mix 1 tablespoon of baking soda with enough water to make a paste, then gently rub the paste onto the dark patches or discolorations on the skin. Rinse well with water.

Have sex everyday to keep diseases away

2011-03-27T03:16:00.000-07:00

The Times of India

If you thought that the only benefit of sex was, well, pleasure, here's some news for you. Making love is good for adults. And making love regularly is even better. Not only does it help you sleep well, relieve stress and burn calories, there are also several other reasons why you need to have sex more often.
Improves cardiovascular
A recent study says that men who have sex more than twice a week, have a lesser risk of getting a heart attack, than men who had sex less than once a month.
Increases immunity
Regular lovemaking increases the level of the immune-boosting antibody immunoglobulin A (IgA), which in turn makes your body stronger against illnesses like the common cold and fever.
Reduces stress
Stressed out with work or family problems? Don't let it affect your performance in the bedroom. Not only will having sex improve your mood, but a study has also proven that folks, who indulge in regular bedroom
activities can handle stress better and are happier people.
Relieves pain
If you're using a headache as an excuse to not make love, stop doing that. Have sex instead, because, when you're about to have an orgasm, the level of the hormone oxytocin increases by five times. This endorphin
actually reduces aches and pains.
Promotes longevity
When one has an orgasm, a hormone called dehydroepiandrosterone is released. This improves immunity, repairs tissue and keeps the skin healthy. Men, who have at least two orgasms a week, live longer than men who have sex just once every few weeks.
Increases blood circulation
Because your heart rate increases when you have sex, fresh blood is supplied to your organs and cells. While used blood is removed, the body also expels toxins and other materials that cause you to feel tired.
You sleep better
The sleep that you get just after you've made love will be much more relaxed. Getting a good night's sleep will make you feel alert and overall healthy.
Improves overall fitness
If you find going to the gym mundane or working out at home a task, here's another way to help you lose the flab and keep in shape. Regular sex will do wonders for your waistline. Half an hour of lovemaking burns more than 80 calories.
Increases levels of Oestrogen and testosterone
In men, the hormone testosterone is what makes them more passionate in the sack. Not only will it make you feel way better in bed, but it also improves your muscles and bones, keeps your heart healthy and keeps a check on your cholesterol. In women, on the other hand, the hormone oestrogen protects them against heart disease and also determines a woman's body scent.

Few Age Spot Removal Method's

2011-02-13T07:48:00.000-08:00

There are many different age spot removal Methods that can be done to lighten or eliminate age spots.People over the age of 40 are more likely to be looking for some type of age spot removal tips, as it takes age spots years to materialize.
What are Age Spots?
Age spots are generally caused by ultraviolet rays.When your skin is exposed to UV rays, extra melanin is produced to help to protect the deeper layers of your skin.Age spots appear as flat, dark brown spots.They vary in size and shape.
Age spots are harmless,and you do not have to worry about them forming into cancer.You will generally see age spots appear on places that have had the most sun exposure, such as the back of your hands, forearms, face,shoulders, and upper back.Those who have fair skin and who spend a lot of time in the sun are those who will generally be looking for some type of age spot removal.
While they do not form into cancer, it is recommended that you contact your doctor to ensure the spots are in fact age spots.
Best Age Spot Removal Method
The best age spot removal Method is prevention.Simply apply sunscreen to protect your skin from the sun and stay away from tanning beds and any other sources of UV rays.Staying away from the sun is important in preventing age spots.
Surprising Tip for Preventing Age Spots
Did you know that the majority of the sun damage to your skin comes from driving or riding in a car?Your car windows actually prevent the UVB light from coming in, but it does not prevent UVA light.UVB light is the light that causes a burn, while the UVA light is responsible for sun damage and aging skin.Consider having a UVA protecting film installed on your car windows.
Invasive Age Spot Removal Methods
While there are many different types of age spot removal treatments, aside from prevention, the safest and less invasive age spot removal techniques are natural. Some age spot removal treatments can involve freezing, acids, skin sanding,etc.While these may provide quicker results,they could have more side effects and can be more damaging to your skin.
Natural Age Spot Removal Techniques
Papaya Skin–Apply the fleshy side of a papaya skin to the age spots for 15 to 20 minutes once a day.
Aloe Plant Juice–Apply fresh juice from an aloe plant twice a day.
Garbanzo Beans–Mash 1/3 cup of garbanzo beans.Mix it with a tad bit of water to form a paste.Apply to your age spots and keep on until it dries.It should begin to crumble off.
Onions and Garlic–Extract the juice and apply.You can also slice them and rub them directly onto your age spots.The acid in onions and garlic will shed the outer layer of skin.These age spots should begin to disappear within a couple of months.
Cucumber–You can lighten age spots with fresh cucumber juice.Stay away from direct sunlight after applying.
Orange Juice and Apple Cider Vinegar–Mix 1 teaspoon of orange juice with 2 teaspoons of apple cider vinegar.Rub the mixture on your age spots.
Nutgrass Root–This root reduces melanin production in your skin by up to 40%. It has been scientifically proven to naturally and safely lighten your skin, which will cause the age spots to fade and then disappear.

It has been said that olive oil and lemon juice is an effective age spot removal. While olive oil does have some medicinal properties, it is too heavy and will just sit on your skin and cause your skin to be too sticky.Lemon juice causes irritation in your skin and can dry it out.
Try these age spot removal techniques before you move onto more invasive treatments.If these do not work for you, then a laser age spot removal technique will be the least invasive age spot removal technique.Remember that the natural age spot removal techniques may take a few months, so try to be patient!

High Precaution's While doing Online Trading

2011-02-13T07:26:00.000-08:00

Trading online has become very popular in today’s time when you just need a trading account and after that you can trade comfortably while sitting at your home.

One click of mouse button is of ample importance while trading online because sometimes it is what that draws a line between your winning or loosing the game. Trading online is very interesting but you have to be a bit careful as well. The process of trading is very easy but making money is a bit tricky. All you need is a trading account and a little bit of caution to operate the same. Below are some do’s and don’ts while trading online:
Prices change at the blink of eye and the transactions are not always in real time. Moreover the speed of your internet might cause delay. So always make sure not to change your decision until the last moment. Take time examining the stock and make decision ahead of time so that you don’t loose while in panic.
An important feature of stock markets is Volatility of Stock Market. So if you don’t keep a close eye on how your stocks move while placing an order, you might land up in losses.
Online trading is a matter of trust between you and your broker because there is no in-person contact. But you can’t leave everything on trust. Make sure your broker provides you detailed email statements and contract notes of executed trades.
Online trading provides facility to place limit orders.If you don’t have sufficient time to keep track of the stock prices, fix up a buy/sell price based on your judgement and go for limit orders. Moreover limit orders help you take ample advantage of volatile session during the day.
In addition to the brokerage rate being paid, prudent investor should always be well aware of the various Fees and commissions charged by the broker for various services offered like Mobile services, buy sell alerts, reporting, chart and other tools to facilitate easy trade as they really affect your net earnings.
For novice traders, it’s a suggestion to always trade with stop losses. Set your stop loss to level to avoid the risks associated.
Even though chances of default by a good brokerage firm are nil but a smart investor should always keep track of credit/debit of money in their bank accounts or transfer of shares to/from the demat account accordingly for each trade executed because technical reasons might lead to discrepancy which cannot be avoided.
Prevention is always better than cure. Security is another important factor for online traders. It is advisable always to follow security measures related to passwords and other personal information while login into the websites to eliminate chances of theft of identity and information.

What Is Forex Trading? A Brief Intoduction

2011-02-13T07:10:00.000-08:00

Forex Trading is trading currencies from different countries against each other. Forex is acronym of Foreign Exchange.
For example, in Europe the currency in circulation is called the Euro-EUR and in the United States the currency in circulation is called the US Dollar-USD. An example of a forex trade is to buy the Euro while simultaneously selling US Dollar. This is called going long on the EUR/USD.

How Does Forex Trading Work?
Forex trading is typically done through a broker or market maker. As a forex trader you can choose a currency pair that you expect to change in value and place a trade accordingly.For example, if you had purchased 1,000 Euros in January of 2005, it would have cost you around $1,200 USD. Throughout 2005 the Euro’s value vs. the U.S. Dollar’s value increased. At the end of the year 1,000 Euros was worth $1,300 U.S. Dollars. If you had chosen to end your trade at that point, you would have a $100 gain.
Forex trades can be placed through a broker or market maker.Orders can be placed with just a few clicks and the broker then passes the order along to a partner in the Interbank Market to fill your position. When you close your trade, the broker closes the position on the Interbank Market and credits your account with the loss or gain. This can all happen literally within a few seconds.

ACCEPTANCE

2011-01-28T07:38:00.000-08:00

The final stage in a committed relationship, which researchers estimate less than 5% of couples ever reach, is one of complete Acceptance. There is an integration of the need of the self and the needs of the relationship. Each person takes responsibility for their own needs, for their own individual lives, and also for providing support for their partner. A high level of warmth is present. The couple is able to maintain a balance between autonomy and union. Conflicts still arise on occasion, but as a result of the struggles of the previous stage, the couple has figured out how to resolve most conflicts relatively quickly. Resentments are few. There are few surprises: these are people who know one another and know what to expect. They accept what they are getting, with no denial or fantasy involved. They work together as a team to stay connected and also maintain their own identities.

These are the six stages that most couples go through during a long-term committed relationship. While not every couple goes through every stage or in that exact sequence, nonetheless this roadmap, based on the research on actual couples' experiences of intimate relationship, still provides the best roadmap we have available for charting the most likely path of an long-term committed relationship. And if we have a roadmap, we can chart the healthiest and least disruptive path to the goal of a fulfilling, intimate relationship.

RE-EVALUATION

2011-01-28T07:30:00.000-08:00

The Power Struggle is physically and emotionally draining, and if the couple can survive, they move into the next stage, of a conscious Re-Evaluation of the relationship. Whereas the original commitment one makes is typically based on projections of fantasy, this Re-Evaluation takes into account the reality and fears and defenses of each person. Do I really want to stay with this person? You know who this person is now, you know their limitations, and you know the range of which they are capable of improving or getting better. Knowing all that, do you still want to stay? That is the question that gets answered during this stage.

Both people tend to turn outward to resolve their issues, instead of toward each other. As a result, fears of abandonment come up strongly here. Can I make by myself? Am I really okay the way I am? Will anyone else find me attractive or appealing?

Both people emotionally (and sometimes physically) disengage and withdraw during this stage, which makes it the stage in which separation, divorce and/or an affair are most likely to occur. Feelings of resentment are less intense in this stage, as the affect in the relationship is likely to be very flat and empty. The sexual relationship sporadic at best and more likely non-existent. Things are ripe for an affair to burst on the scene, and often a person in this stage will begin to confide in someone of the opposite sex. This confidante will take on more and more importance in the person's life, due to their neediness and vulnerability, and they will often get emotionally very involved without consciously realizing it. At this point even the slightest affection is like throwing a match in the forest on a hot summer day, and a passionate, intense affair will begin.

The danger is that when an affair begins at this stage, it is almost impossible for the relationship to recover. The primary relationship has too little going for it in the way of gratification on either side, and the inevitable comparisons between the affair and the relationship seem like night and day.

A separation can be useful here to help each person gain perspective, due that too can lead to the demise of the relationship if outside gratifications seem to dwarf the emptiness of the relationship.

The task for each person here is to stay present and honor their commitment, develop individually and be able to see their partner as a separate person. This is the only way the relationship can survive and move into the next stage.

THE POWER STRUGGLE

2011-01-27T20:39:00.000-08:00

As the disillusionment of the Adjusting to Reality stage deepens, the couple tends to have more disagreements. Minor issues blow up into larger arguments. Yelling appears for the first time, if it ever will. Both partners dig in their heels and defend their positions on issues fiercely. Each person digs in their heels and protects their turf. This once-tender effortless loving relationship has become a battleground and evolved into a daily Power Struggle. This is a typical stage in the development of a long-term committed relationship. For the first time in the relationship, there are occasional or frequent thoughts of leaving the relationship. This person who only recently appeared to be the embodiment of pure love and joy in your eyes suddenly seems self-centered and not to be trusted. Doubts arise as to whether the other person really loves you. There are consistent feelings of ambivalence and anger. Blaming and accusing becomes the most common form of interaction. Each partner is afraid of giving in, and wants the other to change. This is where deep resentments begin to form, which if left unchecked, become the cancer that eventually eats away at all the love and tenderness that has come before. Sarcasm and hostility enter into daily conversations.This does not have to be the end of the relationship. The tasks for the couple here are to develop problem-solving, conflict resolution and negotiating skills. The conflicts will clearly not go away on their own. Each person much learn to listen respectfully to their partner's position, even if they don't agree with it. They must learn to support their partner's own growth, even if they feel it compromises their own. They may see the origins of the patterns of their conflicts (and their dysfunctional ways of resolving them) in their family of origin.

ADJUSTING TO REALITY

2011-01-27T20:33:00.000-08:00

Ah, reality. Inevitably, predictably, eventually, reality rears its (ugly?) head and the bubble bursts on the Romantic stage. Sometimes it is a slow leak, other times a sudden and complete blowout. But either way, something happens which causes a minor or major conflict in the new relationship. Sometimes the trigger is living together and having to share household chores and experiencing personal habits up close. Sometimes it is an act of deception which is discovered. Sometimes it is planning a wedding, buying a house, or sharing finances. Whatever the cause, after the conflict occurs, it becomes impossible to continue the fantasy that this person and this relationship are immune from struggle, from effort, from reality. Differences which were previously obscured suddenly become visible. Conflicts, anxieties, disappointment and hurt replace the effortless flow of the Romantic stage. There is a sense that this person is not living up your hopes and dreams, and there is an accompanying loss of closeness. Gradually each person is forced to relinquish some of their most cherished romantic fantasies, or to cling to them desperately in a state of denial.

In this stage, it is common to feel as if someone or something or even Life itself has cheated you or robbed you of something precious, almost like a stage of grieving the loss of something innocent and wonderful. There is a desire to be close again but confusion as how to create that. It is the first time that fears of intimacy begin to arise. Suddenly the couple must learn how to deal with very real differences, how to deal with conflict, and how to integrate being an independent person as well as someone in an intimate relationship.

In short, Adjusting to Reality is the stage where the Real Relationship begins.

Romantic Love

2011-01-27T20:30:00.000-08:00

This is the love that Hollywood loves to promote as the only kind of love. Romantic love is wonderful, easy, and effortless. It is very spontaneous and alive. The feelings and perceptions that go through both people are that we are one; we are the same. You are perfect. I can give and receive love with little or no effort required. There is a tremendous emphasis on maximizing similarities and minimizing differences. There is a belief and expectation that you will provide most or all of my wants, needs, desires. There is generally a high degree of passion and feelings and expressions of romance come easily and often. The partners think about each other constantly, and make much eye contact and are very affectionate when they are together. Many people experience this as living in a state of near-constant bliss and infatuation. There is a belief that these feelings and experiences will go on forever, that 'we will never disagree on anything', and that somehow fate or forces larger than themselves have brought them together.
This stage generally lasts from six months to two years, and is the SHORTEST stage of any of the stages of long-term committed relationships.

Ways of Life for Complete Success

2010-12-21T08:04:00.000-08:00

How to Discover Your Life Purpose in About 20 Minutes

How do you discover your real purpose in life? I’m not talking about your job, your daily responsibilities, or even your long-term goals. I mean the real reason why you’re here at all — the very reason you exist.
Perhaps you’re a rather nihilistic person who doesn’t believe you have a purpose and that life has no meaning. Doesn’t matter. Not believing that you have a purpose won’t prevent you from discovering it, just as a lack of belief in gravity won’t prevent you from tripping. All that a lack of belief will do is make it take longer, so if you’re one of those people, just change the number 20 in the title of this blog entry to 40 (or 60 if you’re really stubborn). Most likely though if you don’t believe you have a purpose, then you probably won’t believe what I’m saying anyway, but even so, what’s the risk of investing an hour just in case?

Here’s a story about Bruce Lee which sets the stage for this little exercise. A master martial artist asked Bruce to teach him everything Bruce knew about martial arts. Bruce held up two cups, both filled with liquid. “The first cup,” said Bruce, “represents all of your knowledge about martial arts. The second cup represents all of my knowledge about martial arts. If you want to fill your cup with my knowledge, you must first empty your cup of your knowledge.”

If you want to discover your true purpose in life, you must first empty your mind of all the false purposes you’ve been taught (including the idea that you may have no purpose at all).

So how to discover your purpose in life? While there are many ways to do this, some of them fairly involved, here is one of the simplest that anyone can do. The more open you are to this process, and the more you expect it to work, the faster it will work for you. But not being open to it or having doubts about it or thinking it’s an entirely idiotic and meaningless waste of time won’t prevent it from working as long as you stick with it — again, it will just take longer to converge.

Here’s what to do:

Take out a blank sheet of paper or open up a word processor where you can type (I prefer the latter because it’s faster).
Write at the top, “What is my true purpose in life?”
Write an answer (any answer) that pops into your head. It doesn’t have to be a complete sentence. A short phrase is fine.
Repeat step 3 until you write the answer that makes you cry. This is your purpose.

That’s it. It doesn’t matter if you’re a counselor or an engineer or a bodybuilder. To some people this exercise will make perfect sense. To others it will seem utterly stupid. Usually it takes 15-20 minutes to clear your head of all the clutter and the social conditioning about what you think your purpose in life is. The false answers will come from your mind and your memories. But when the true answer finally arrives, it will feel like it’s coming to you from a different source entirely.

For those who are very entrenched in low-awareness living, it will take a lot longer to get all the false answers out, possibly more than an hour. But if you persist, after 100 or 200 or maybe even 500 answers, you’ll be struck by the answer that causes you to surge with emotion, the answer that breaks you. If you’ve never done this, it may very well sound silly to you. So let it seem silly, and do it anyway.

As you go through this process, some of your answers will be very similar. You may even re-list previous answers. Then you might head off on a new tangent and generate 10-20 more answers along some other theme. And that’s fine. You can list whatever answer pops into your head as long as you just keep writing.
At some point during the process (typically after about 50-100 answers), you may want to quit and just can’t see it converging. You may feel the urge to get up and make an excuse to do something else. That’s normal. Push past this resistance, and just keep writing. The feeling of resistance will eventually pass.

You may also discover a few answers that seem to give you a mini-surge of emotion, but they don’t quite make you cry — they’re just a bit off. Highlight those answers as you go along, so you can come back to them to generate new permutations. Each reflects a piece of your purpose, but individually they aren’t complete. When you start getting these kinds of answers, it just means you’re getting warm. Keep going.
It’s important to do this alone and with no interruptions. If you’re a nihilist, then feel free to start with the answer, “I don’t have a purpose,” or “Life is meaningless,” and take it from there. If you keep at it, you’ll still eventually converge.

When I did this exercise, it took me about 25 minutes, and I reached my final answer at step 106. Partial pieces of the answer (mini-surges) appeared at steps 17, 39, and 53, and then the bulk of it fell into place and was refined through steps 100-106. I felt the feeling of resistance (wanting to get up and do something else, expecting the process to fail, feeling very impatient and even irritated) around steps 55-60. At step 80 I took a 2-minute break to close my eyes, relax, clear my mind, and to focus on the intention for the answer to come to me — this was helpful as the answers I received after this break began to have greater clarity.

Here was my final answer: to live consciously and courageously, to resonate with love and compassion, to awaken the great spirits within others, and to leave this world in peace.

When you find your own unique answer to the question of why you’re here, you will feel it resonate with you deeply. The words will seem to have a special energy to you, and you will feel that energy whenever you read them.

Discovering your purpose is the easy part. The hard part is keeping it with you on a daily basis and working on yourself to the point where you become that purpose.

If you’re inclined to ask why this little process works, just put that question aside until after you’ve successfully completed it. Once you’ve done that, you’ll probably have your own answer to why it works. Most likely if you ask 10 different people why this works (people who’ve successfully completed it), you’ll get 10 different answers, all filtered through their individual belief systems, and each will contain its own reflection of truth.

Obviously, this process won’t work if you quit before convergence. I’d guesstimate that 80-90% of people should achieve convergence in less than an hour. If you’re really entrenched in your beliefs and resistant to the process, maybe it will take you 5 sessions and 3 hours, but I suspect that such people will simply quit early (like within the first 15 minutes) or won’t even attempt it at all. But if you’re drawn to read this blog (and haven’t been inclined to ban it from your life yet), then it’s doubtful you fall into this group.