No more running

Day Last

2021-09-17T05:58:00.002-04:00

Mike finished his chemo yesterday. The cumulative effects of four rounds beginning in early July are making him pretty uncomfortable, and the next couple weeks aren't going to be much fun for him.

PET scan scheduled for later this month, with a follow-up endoscopy in October. No surgery. He feels that, at his age, an esophagectomy would result in too many challenging lifestyle changes. He will have surveillance endoscopies for the remainder of his life, and we will hope that nothing new turns up.

That's unlikely, of course. Esophageal cancers frequently recur. But we will deal with that if and/or when it happens.

Day One

2021-07-12T03:30:00.006-04:00

Can't sleep. I've been awake for an hour, anticipating Mike's first chemo treatment for his second bout with esophageal cancer.

The protocol is three days of chemo – day one is eight hours, days two and three are three hours – three weeks apart, four times. He'll be getting much more toxic drugs this time than he had two years ago. Then, we were surprised at how few side effects he experienced. He was tired, but not crushing fatigue. He was only nauseous following one chemotherapy treatment. Radiation didn't bother him at all.

He's not a candidate for radiation this time, as the two tumor sites are too close together. They don't want to radiate an area that's been previously treated.

So chemotherapy it is, and it's stronger because it's a different type of cancer cell. More aggressive. More likely to spread.

Adding another layer of stress to the situation was his accident Thursday evening. He's fine – one pretty bad laceration on his left arm was his only injury – but the truck is totaled and we're a one-car family. Hopefully we can find something for him soon, although I don't think he'll be driving anywhere on his own for a while.

In daylight, next day.

At the scene, Thursday evening.

I haven't written about the accident yet. He was coming home from a church vestry meeting. He rounded a curve and ran into a large tree which had fallen across the road. We've had a lot of rain lately, and trees randomly fall all over the mountains here. Sometimes they only knock out power lines. This one did that and almost killed my husband.

The emergency responders all agreed he was lucky to be alive. Had he driven by a few seconds earlier, the tree would have fallen on him as he was driving. As it was, he could barely exit the vehicle. The roof of the cab was caved in, as well as the hood, and the windshield was shattered.

It happened at about 9:30 pm. We didn't get home from the Emergency Room until 2 am. It's all still kind of surreal.

This stress eater has been hanging on with WW tracking by a thread. But I'm drowning in emotions. And numbing myself with phone games and ice cream.

Monday is my reset day for points … my plan is to get Mike settled in the chemo chair with his books, mp3 player, and snacks, and then head to a nearby café for lunch and to work on re-typing my aunt's family history book. My best estimate for points for a fried green tomato sandwich would be 16. Perfectly doable with a zero-point breakfast and my planned dinner of chicken noodle soup and mixed melon salad.

Need to stay away from the ice cream tonight.

Three down

2021-07-08T08:03:00.003-04:00

THREE 🔵s.

THREE 10,000-plus step days.

Am I back on track? Maybe I am.

I woke up really early – around 2 am – and couldn't get back to sleep. So I got up, worked on a computer project for a while, had breakfast and coffee, and went back to bed at 4. I slept until 7 am.

After 45 minutes or so, I started rummaging around in the kitchen. I had a bowl of fresh fruit salad, and was satisfied. Fifteen minutes later I went back looking for something else and realized:

a. I wasn't hungry. I also wasn't hungry when I ate the fruit salad.

b. I wanted to be hungry for lunch, because food always tastes better when you're hungry. And

c. I'm meeting friends for lunch, one of whom is lifetime on WW. Just knowing she'll be there is helping me stay on track.

Stress is my constant companion, as I anticipate caring for my husband while he goes through chemotherapy. And an esophagectomy. We've been through the chemo once before, and it wasn't awful, but he's getting different drugs this time. Stronger, more toxic drugs, that will cause permanent damage.

Not knowing what's going to happen is the current stress. I'm really working on staying in the present moment. But it's hard, y'all!

The more things change …

2021-07-03T06:29:00.004-04:00

the more confusing they get.

The pathology reports on two biopsies, taken from Mike's esophagus on two different days by two different doctors, show two different kinds of cancer. They both are identified as squamous, but the more recent is squamous only. The earlier one is squamous + neuroendocrine/small cell + SCARY.

Not that squamous cell cancer isn't scary, but the chemo to treat it is different and much less toxic.

We now don't know if they are two different tumors. The first was described as very small (but not measured), while the second measured 3 cm.

A scheduled visit to the oncologist, who consulted with the thoracic surgeon while we were at the clinic, concluded that pathology doesn't lie, and in order to be safe, they're recommending (and we're going with) scary cancer chemo treatment.

Followed by surgery to remove the esophagus. Which sounds even scarier.

Thank GOODNESS we have a couple months of chemo to contemplate having surgery to remove a vital piece of internal anatomy.

I can't keep doing WW during this. It's a daily surrender to my emotions and it just won't work. I'll do what I can to stay active and healthy, but tracking has been out the window and as much as I want to stick with it and succeed, I feel like it's an impossibility. My goal will be to not gain any more (I gained 25 during his last cancer experience two years ago, and have lost 10 of that … in two years).

Heading over to WW coach now to ask for an extension of my membership plan.

Sad.

Cutting edge

2021-07-01T07:33:00.002-04:00

My husband and I have been in Morgantown since Monday. It's been sunny and very hot, but we managed to explore Coopers Rock on Tuesday, preceded by a great visit and lunch with some friends.

Yesterday he had a procedure – an endoscopic ultrasound – by a young gastroenterologist and the doctor was able to locate AND REMOVE the tumor in my husband's esophagus. We didn't know it could be removed during this visit. We didn't even know if it could be removed.

So yesterday was a really good day. He's in some pain, of course, and still needs to decide if he's going to go through chemotherapy this summer. He's leaning toward doing it. It's not likely the snare technique of removing the tumor got every last cancer cell out of his esophagus.

We've eaten pretty much off the charts while we've been here. His weight is normal and stable. Mine is … not. But the added stress of trying to stay on plan just wasn't worth it to me.

We'll be back home this evening and tomorrow is a new day. He has an oncologist appointment in the morning. I hope to be back on track – and back to tracking – Saturday.

Trying to stay in the present

2021-06-27T06:43:00.003-04:00

All I can think of is tomorrow. Tomorrow is Monday, and Mike and I will be traveling to Morgantown, to the medical complex, to begin a week of appointments and procedures that will largely determine our future.

It all starts with a Covid test. Ruby Memorial requires the test and it can't be more than 72 hours prior to whatever procedure the patient is scheduled for. Nor can it be a rapid test. Doesn't matter if you live 200 miles away. Doesn't matter if you've been vaccinated. I get that they're being safe and careful and all that, but it's not easy being sick during a plague.

So first things first. Covid test on Monday. Tuesday is a free day. Except it isn't exactly free since we're staying in a hotel and eating restaurant food. Wednesday is the endoscopic ultrasound, which will confirm the site and size of the lesion growing in his esophagus. More sensitive than the PET scan (which showed no metastasis nor a tumor, but we're going with the pathology report on the biopsy), the ultrasound will also help his doctors determine if some kind of surgical intervention should be done prior to the start of chemo.

Thursday is the surgeon's appointment, again at WVU, and we can return home following that. He has an oncologist's appointment on Friday in Beckley – only an hour away, instead of five.

Today. Get back to today. Stay in today. Next week will take care of itself. Today I need to clean, pack, do some laundry. We'll go to church this morning and maybe walk this afternoon. Or maybe not.

I made a commitment to my cousins to send them copies of a book our Aunt Minerva wrote – stories about her childhood as the oldest of five sisters. The last story in the book is the one in which my father is born. I was going to copy the pages, but I think I'll retype the whole thing – all 107 pages! – and soak all those stories in again.

I can begin typing today.

Today. Stay present.

Foreshadowing

2021-06-25T06:14:00.006-04:00

Remind me NEVER to assume any day will be normal. EVER AGAIN.

My blithe little post yesterday morning celebrating a somewhat normal day was definitely foreshadowing for what was to come. And what came was a day filled with frustration, big and little, mundane and dire.

If the United States of America's healthcare system worked like the rest of the world's industrialized countries, insurance companies wouldn't be practicing medicine. One Humana employee determined that the test my husband has to get next week, which had been scheduled by A NURSE at the direction of A DOCTOR (both highly trained and multi-degreed health care professionals), had to be rescheduled for two days later or they wouldn't pay for it.

Because of that one decision, two other doctor's appointments had to be rescheduled (one of them twice), and our hotel reservations had to be changed and an additional day added. And that's just on our end. We have no idea how that rescheduled procedure affected anyone else in the system. Did another patient get bumped from the list? Will the operating room staff be required to work overtime? The ripple effect is real, y'all.

All in all, we either took or made about 30 phone calls yesterday.

I thought all of it might be moot if my husband had a stroke while we were trying to get it all straightened out.

The dust has settled, but the frustration has not. America needs to implement a universal healthcare system. Period. We won't benefit personally, but our children might and our grandchildren will. And they deserve better than what we've dealt with for the past 24 hours.

Stress-induced overeating did not happen, thankfully.

But it could have. I have no idea what today's challenges will be. I just know there will be some. May I handle them with some semblance of grace.

Thanks for reading.

A somewhat normal day

2021-06-24T06:19:00.003-04:00

I ate healthfully yesterday, spent far too much time playing games on my phone (I've always said they are brain games, but honestly, it's an escape mechanism, lately), and took a nice, long, solo walk. Didn't talk to a single clinic or health care professional all day. That's what made it somewhat normal.

I forgot to tune in at 3 pm to the meal-planning webinar I'd registered for. But I looked at the handout, and it didn't really tell me anything I haven't already read about. I fall short putting it into practice.

Figuring out what to have for dinner is an almost daily dilemma around here, and is largely based on what I have on hand. Since the nearest grocery is 12 miles away, I keep a well-stocked pantry and there's generally plenty of frozen beef, pork, and poultry in stock.

But I guess when you plan meals ahead of time, you make a grocery list at the same time. What a concept!

I don't feel like I need to plan breakfasts or lunches. I always have wraps, low-fat cheese, tuna, eggs, etc., and can come up with something to get me through the day.

Dinners, though? Yeah. I need to plan dinners.

For now, with anticipated travel for medical stuff, I guess I'll just keep winging it.

Although … I'm getting the car serviced in a couple of hours, and will be just one mile from that grocery. Plenty of time to plan for at least the next three days.

Baby steps.

Here we go …

2021-06-23T04:56:00.000-04:00

The does-he-or-doesn't-he-have-cancer saga continues.

(For those of you just joining us, my husband had a one-year follow-up endoscopy of his esophagus June 1. He was treated for esophageal cancer in 2019, and declared cured. A small lesion was found, biopsied, and identified as an aggressive and rare esophageal malignant tumor. BUT … a PET scan last week was clear. No evidence of metastasis or tumor. So we need more studies at a teaching hospital.)

This coming Friday we go for a Covid test, either to Summersville (90 miles from home) or Morgantown (200 miles from home), prior to having an endoscopic ultrasound procedure done in Morgantown on Monday. The result will determine if and what kind of treatment he will pursue.

Ruby Memorial Hospital requires a Covid test even if you've been vaccinated. And the test must be done within 72 hours of the scheduled procedure.

Now we could have the test right here at home. We have a hospital that does them. But they can't GUARANTEE that results will be available by Sunday. (They usually have results in 24 to 48 hours, but … a GUARANTEE? They won't.) And since the patient is … um … determined that there shall be no screw-ups, he's more than willing for me to drive him to a distant WVU-affiliated location for a nasal swab.

(He would get so lost if I didn't do the driving. And he doesn't know how to drive my car. FOR REAL. And his truck is old and might as well have FARM VEHICLE spray-painted on the side. And yes, I'm an enabler when it comes to him not driving. But seriously, I would worry the whole time.)

I'm trying to find some compassion for him. I was SO angry yesterday. But I managed NOT TO EAT MY ANGER. That was a huge win.

Repeat: I managed NOT TO EAT MY ANGER.

So anyway … here's how this week looks:

Today (Wednesday): FREE DAY. I'll take a long (four miles) walk and spend some time in the sewing room. Also, I registered for an online meal planning class at 3 pm. I've never been able to make meal planning work for me. Hoping this class will help me figure it out.*

Thursday: Get the car serviced at 8:30 am, then run some errands. And walk.

Friday: Drive, drive, drive, nasal swab, turn around, drive, drive, drive. Depending on when we get home, maybe walk.

Saturday: FREE DAY. Looks like it might rain. If it doesn't, I have a walking date set up with a friend and then I'll straighten up the house. I don't like coming home to a messy house, and we'll be out for a couple days. (We have an alarm system and we're not afraid to use it, so don't get any ideas about breaking in while we're gone. HAH!)

Sunday: Head to Morgantown after church.

Monday: Procedure day. We haven't been told what time he's on the schedule yet. The procedure itself takes one to two hours, followed by about a half-hour recovery. I'm guessing an hour for prep. So half a day at the hospital and then back to the hotel.

Tuesday: Appointment with thoracic surgeon in Morgantown. This appointment was scheduled a couple days ago, and I'm glad it worked out to follow the endoscopy appointment. We'll come home Tuesday afternoon.

How will I work WW-friendly meals into that schedule? Better yet, will I work WW-friendly meals into that schedule? Who the hell knows. I'd love to make that commitment right here and right now, but one thing we've learned traveling post-Covid is that restaurants are frequently closed for dining in and menus are limited. So we'll see, and I'll do the best I can. One thing I don't need is the added stress of not living up to a blue-dot commitment.

I'm sure I haven't thought everything through, and there will be hiccups along the way. There always are hiccups. I've gotten pretty good at this go-with-the-flow thing, yesterday's anger notwithstanding. Note to universe: Don't fuck with my Zen. Please.

I'm writing to keep things straight in my head, to get my emotions out so they don't overcome my good intentions, and to entertain myself. If you made it this far … thanks for being here.

*I usually go to the grocery with a list of basics that need to be replenished, and then I add whatever is on sale to the cart. Meals are "planned" around what I bought. My guess is that when you plan meals ahead of time, you buy what you're going to need to cook what you said you'd cook. What a concept!

Insert record scratch sound effect here

2021-06-22T06:44:00.011-04:00

Dr. Hopkins with Mercer Medical Group inserted a chemo port in Mike’s chest yesterday, while I ate whatever I could get my hands on to comfort myself. No one should have to do this twice. (Although I'm sure MANY have done it more than twice.)

Before we left the hospital complex, he picked up a copy of the PET scan that was done last Thursday, along with the report.

The good news is, the PET scan shows no evidence of metastasis.

The really great fantastic news is, the PET scan shows no evidence of a tumor in the esophagus.

As we understand it, PET may not detect very small tumors, so more studies are being pursued. We plan to go to WVU in Morgantown for an endoscopic ultrasound, a very sensitive and sophisticated procedure.

We also plan to consult with a thoracic surgeon, a gastroenterologist, and the oncologists who treated him previously.

As for me … I plan to not beat myself too vigorously when I make poor food choices. This is stressful. WAY stressful. I also plan to make a meal plan and stick to it to the best of my ability.

Under the circumstances.

Thanks for reading. As for understanding … yeah, I don't understand it, either.

Onward

2021-06-20T08:14:00.000-04:00

The coming days, weeks, and months promise to be challenging. Spending time with my son and his family this weekend, has been good for my heart.

I'm going home later today, with a renewed commitment to look for the joy. I know it's out there.

Certainly one of those joys can be found in taking better care of myself physically. While eating whatever I want whenever I want it is joyful for a moment, the result is painful and depressing. I need to keep this in mind, count to 10 before I make a decision to eat, eat crap, or even eat at all.

My daughter-in-law plans their meals ahead of time and finds great joy in doing so. Less stress and hassle at the end of a work day. She's off for the summer, but will continue her meal planning because it brings order and joy to her days. I've tried meal planning and never been able to make it work for me. Time to try again. It will be helpful to have one less thing to figure out each day.

Tomorrow is chemoport insertion day. We'll also have surgical consult appointments at WVU this week. I imagine my tooth extraction appointment will be postponed. Can't be helped, and my tooth doesn't hurt any more, so I can wait a while longer.

Onward. With joy.

2021-06-19T07:43:00.001-04:00

I love to change the world,

But I rarely appreciate things as they are.

I know how to give,

But I don’t always know how to receive.

I know how to keep busy,

But I don’t often listen.

I look, but I don’t often see.

I yearn to succeed,

But I often forget what is truly important.

Teach me, God, to slow down. May my resting revive me.

May it lead me to wisdom, to holiness

To peace and to You.

-Rabbi Naomi Levy

•••••

I read this yesterday and it was just what I needed to read. Maybe it's just what you need to read, as well?

Thank you for being here.

2021-06-19T06:05:00.000-04:00

Crossing the bridge to get to N&D's place

Dinner with friends last night could be the last social event of our summer. And it's not even officially summer yet! We soaked it all up – the food, the scenery, the conversation … the love. Thank you, N&D.

As we were heading out the door to go to their place, Mike's phone rang. It was Dr. Thakkar from WVU. Not someone from his office. Himself. Letting us know to expect a call early next week to schedule an appointment to see him and Dr. Abbas.

Thakkar's specialty is Advanced Therapeutic Endoscopy and Dr. Abbas is Chief of Thoracic Surgery. Should they determine that Mike is a candidate for surgery, that will be the first step in treating and/or curing his cancer.

For me, that call was a tremendous relief, and gives us something to look forward to. We're almost dreading the results of Thursday's PET scan.

I took pretty good care of myself yesterday until mid-afternoon. Baby steps.

I'm going to NC today. Will be my first visit there since March 2020, thanks to Covid. And most likely will be my last visit there until this fall, thanks to cancer. I'm taking Claire a cake, and I'm going to enjoy a slice.

Life is short.

2021-06-18T07:31:00.001-04:00

Fifteen days ago, my husband and I read his pathology report, which informed us he had a rare, malignant neuroendocrine esophageal tumor. Since that time we've been coordinating a variety of tests and appointments with multiple hospitals, clinics, and medical professionals. It's been a roller coaster.

We're going for a cure, although that isn't likely. And that makes me incredibly, profoundly sad.

In all honesty, he can be extremely irritating at times. He's repetitive. Somewhat controlling. Wants what he wants when he wants it.

Sometimes looking at him is like looking in a mirror. HAH!

But as irritating as he can be, the thought of living without him makes me … sad. Just … sad.

We spent yesterday afternoon in Princeton, WV, where he had a PET scan that will show how large the tumor is, its precise location, and whether it's metastasized. The tumor was found during a routine endoscopy, something he needs to have done regularly since he had a different esophageal cancer (CURED!) in 2019.

I never thought we'd be doing this again.

While he was in radiology (a PET scan takes a couple of hours) I went to a nearby Wendy's to write some thank-you cards to WV Can't Wait donors. And since I was in Wendy's, and since I hadn't eaten since 7:30 am, and since I was feeling sad, I ordered a small chocolate Frosty. (The clerk asked me what flavor and I said, "Chocolate. Is there any other flavor?" Which was meant to be funny but he took me seriously and answered, "We have vanilla." His female co-worker laughed; she knew exactly what I meant!)

Before I go further, I need to say that when Mike got sick in 2019, I was a WW member and had lost 25 pounds, with about that much more to go. I stalled out and eventually gained back 15 of those pounds. I've not been able to lose it. We had a few months of relative normal when Covid hit, and while I didn't gain any more weight during quarantine, I sure didn't lose any. And still haven't.

A month or so ago, I renewed my commitment to WW. It's been difficult getting back on that horse, and the past two weeks I haven't even tried. But I wrote a little post on Connect (WW's social media outlet) and promised to write about my feelings instead of (or, occasionally, in addition to) eating them.

So that's what No More Running will be about for now. My husband's treatments will last all summer, and that's if he's able to start chemo within the next couple of weeks. Surgery may be an option; if so, that will happen first. I expect we'll be having surgical consults at WVU next week.

But today … nothing is on the schedule except laundry, a lovely long walk, and dinner with friends. I don't know if anyone will find this. If you do … thank you for reading.

What a difference a year makes

2019-01-29T07:02:00.001-05:00

Well, not quite a year. My last post was February 5, 2018. I could have waited another week, but who's counting?

Actually, who's even reading any more?

I joined Weight Watchers (recently reincarnated as simply WW) in May of 2018, and have continued to follow the plan ever since. It's the most practical and doable nutrition plan I've ever experienced. You can literally eat anything you want. When you track it in the handy-dandy WW app, you'll know if you've gone over your daily point allotment.

Thus, it makes sense to track it before you eat it.

I haven't had spectacular success, but the weight losses were steady until the holidays. I began WW doing online only, but switched to workshops early this month, and joined with a friend. Double the accountability.

I'm still walking (and still wishing my hip replacement didn't prevent me from running), still hating my dentures, still taking photos (but not as many nor as frequently), still mostly enjoying life in the country, still hating the current occupant of the Oval Office.

What else?

Switched from an Android to an iPhone. That was pretty huge. I didn't think I could love any phone more than that Samsung Galaxy. I was so wrong.

My intentions for this year, as I listed on Facebook, were to:

walk 2019 kilometers (I'm waaaaay behind on that one, due to too-cold-to-walk weather)
spend 15 minutes a day decluttering (I'm following a plan and have managed to keep up easily with that one)
be authentic (my word for this year)

I also set a silly goal for January to not spend money. That didn't happen. But I did spend less money, so I guess that's a start.

Will I write again this year? Who know? Not I, that's for sure.

Again with the failed intentions

2018-02-05T06:10:00.001-05:00

This is the last I'm going to write about failed intentions.

Too much happened this month – dental surgery and weather, mostly – to keep me from staying on track with goals, and continuing to feel bad about it isn't helping.

Need to apply "one day at a time" principle to goals/intentions/resolutions, especially the health-related ones.

On the bright side, I've lost two pounds since I started the failed Whole 30.

So there's that.

I watched the Super Bowl last night, rooting against the Patriots more than for the Eagles. (How's that for a patriotic contest, huh? And yet there are millions of good Americans boycotting the NFL because some players choose to kneel for the national anthem.) This early-to-bed girl surprised herself and her husband by staying awake past halftime (which I thought was very entertaining) all the way to the presentation of the trophy.

I laughed so hard during the NFL Dirty Dancing commercial. Harder than I've laughed since before the 2016 presidential election. Seriously.

And I was happy at the end to see Tom Brady leave the field with his head down. Well, maybe not happy, but certainly satisfied.

Not sure when I'll be back. I guess when I feel like I really have something to say.

What price beauty?

2018-01-28T06:36:00.000-05:00

Okay, I know dentures are necessary to help one chew and speak clearly. I probably spend more time not wearing my upper denture than wearing it (but I don't answer the door, so don't come knocking on the spur of the moment), and it's hard to make myself speak clearly. Soft foods can be tasty.

With last week's extraction of four lower teeth and the immediate insertion of a partial denture, I'm beginning to question whether I want to fit into society again or not. Ever.

My face hurts. All the damned time.

I've been wearing the partial all the time, removing it only to clean it, but after doing a little research, Dr. Google says I only need to wear it to sleep in for the first night. (I thought my dentist said to wear it all the time, but I was in pain and somewhat traumatized that day, so I may have misheard him.)

I'm afraid if I sleep without it, I'll love the feeling of my face not hurting and then I'll never put it back in.

Dentures help you chew food, speak clearly, and look nice. I understand the first two. I really don't want to just eat soft foods the rest of my life. I'm not a hermit; I interact with people other than my husband almost daily.

He's stuck with me every day.

If the Etruscans hadn't developed false teeth in 700 B.C., someone else would have. But looking nice – normal – really is an arbitrary thing. The norm is to have teeth. Comedians make jokes about the toothless. If you don't have teeth, you're automatically thought of as poor, uneducated, malnourished, or a hillbilly … you've heard it. You might have thought it, or even said it.

My tooth and bone loss is genetic. My guess is a lot of people who wear dentures had good dental hygiene and were destined to lose their teeth no matter what.

Had dentures not been invented, would we automatically think less of those who no longer have their natural teeth? We don't think less of those who wear glasses. Vision loss – like tooth loss – is a function of aging.

I don't want to put dental clinics out of business. Really. I'm just thinking out loud and nursing a perpetual headache. Or face ache.

Be kind. Especially to the toothless.

Meltdown and fail

2018-01-25T07:03:00.002-05:00

Major, major meltdown the last couple of days. I haven't done anything to create success with my intentions.

I'm going to the dentist today to have four extractions and get a partial denture where my lower front teeth used to be.

And I am freaking out about it.

Being an emotional eater, I'm eating whatever I want. I'm not walking or reading, either.

SO …

Whole 30 fail.
Mileage fail.
Reading fail.
Writing fail.

I don't even remember if there were other goals, but here we are, three weeks in the new year and none of the habits stuck.

And I don't really care this morning.

BECAUSE I AM FREAKING OUT.

It's not like I haven't had extractions before. I have a full upper denture. And it drives me crazy and I hate wearing it and now I'm going to have both jaws compromised.

I hate getting old.

Be kind.

Placeholder

2018-01-22T20:14:00.001-05:00

Blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda

In other words … I have no words! But since I made the commitment, here are a few.

Be kind.
Be kind.
Be kind.

#MeanPresident

2018-01-21T06:32:00.000-05:00

I saw 45's tweet about the marchers when I got home from the rally my husband and I went to, and that was a powerful impetus to continue working against him and his harmful policies. He is disrespectful and demeaning, and so divisive.

I guarantee that no one was marching to celebrate anything he's claiming to have done. And for him to suggest it is just shameful.

I don't believe in "shaming" a politician. The WV Democratic Women had a "Shame on Shelley" campaign against Senator Capito a few years ago, and it just felt childish and ineffective to me.

However, when the President of the United States acts like a child, shaming may be an appropriate response.

I was energized about the resistance after our rally. When I saw photos of the crowds in Chicago, Los Angeles, New York, Austin, and other cities across the country, it really began to sink in that America can overcome this #ShitholePresident and that we will.

He's supposed to come to West Virginia for a GOP retreat at the Greenbrier later this month, and dozens of people are organizing protests for that event. I'll be there. It's not supposed to be an anti-Trump rally, but more of an anti-Republican policy statement. Which is fine.

But I'm pretty sure, underneath it all, the message will be that WE want OUR country back.

It's a good day to be kind.

It's been a year

2018-01-20T07:02:00.001-05:00

I didn't watch the inauguration last year. I couldn't. Not only did America not elect its first woman president, something I'd hoped to see in my lifetime (and now seriously doubt it ever happening), America nominated and elected a sexist, racist, ignorant, opportunistic, narcissistic prick.

Yes, that's who the current occupant of the Oval Office is.

The list of Lies He's Told would take 2,000 blog posts. The list of Women Who Have Accused Him of Sexual Misconduct would take 22. The list of Golf Trips would take nearly a hundred. The list of Flip-Flops would have taken 10 back in April. Who knows how many now? I think people have stopped counting.

I have to think that most politicians lie. Many play golf. Most have changed their positions on issues at one time or another, and many have had inappropriate sexual relationships.

But for one man, who holds the highest elected office in our country, to have engaged in all these things, multiple times, is simply beyond the pale.

If Clinton had been elected and had done all those things, do you think she would still be in office, a year later?

If Obama had done one TENTH of those things, do you even think he would be alive?

Hypocrisy, thy name is Republican.

Hillary was right: You belong in a basket of deplorables.

I'm going to a rally today, to march with like-minded Americans who are sick about this man's policies and who are concerned about the future of our democracy.

All governments end. We may be watching the beginning of the end of our Republic. It makes me glad I'm closer to the tomb than the womb, but sad for my children and grandchildren, who will have to deal with the mess.

I want to hope we will recover. I want to think the damage won't be permanent, and won't take too many years to repair.

Most of all, I want to be proud to be an American again. I am not. Not as long as Donald J. Trump is President of the United States.

Today, I'm not going to suggest that you be kind. Instead … Be outraged. Be woke. Be strong.

Oopsie

2018-01-19T09:17:00.001-05:00

I forgot to end yesterday's post with the words "be kind."

So I hope you were, and I hope you will be.

And if you need some ideas, click this link.

I need to make a few notes about state politics, if you don't mind, just so I keep everything straight and don't forget anything.

Heard last night that current delegate Shirley Love will be running for Congress, which would take votes away from current favorite Richard Ojeda.

Woke up this morning to see that Ojeda's biggest rival has withdrawn from the Congressional race.

This is good in so many ways.

Ojeda has the personality to win over a lot of people in WV … on both sides of the political spectrum. He will piss off a lot of far-left progressives, but there aren't many of those here, so that won't matter.

Love doesn't have a chance. He has no money and he's 84 years old. But his run for Congress precludes him from running for re-election in the House of Delegates, giving newcomer Selina Vickers an opportunity.

So, at least locally, WV politics is looking better than it has in a while.

Haven't walked in three days. Also haven't read any of my current book in three days. I'm supposed to walk outside with a friend this morning, but it's still damned cold. Might have to reschedule that for later today.

Still Whole 30-ing, but it's getting harder, not easier. Sometimes I wish I didn't have taste buds.

That's it! Be kind.

One week from today …

2018-01-18T11:32:00.000-05:00

I'll have a lower partial denture as well as a full upper.

I don't think I'll ever enjoy eating again. Maybe I'll lose some weight.

Too depressed to write today. This is it … the bare minimum to meet the "write every day" requirement.

Something different

2018-01-17T07:11:00.001-05:00

I took a yoga class yesterday. A chair yoga class, designed for those of us with mobility issues, that made me safe and secure during the class and pretty darned good afterward.

Parts of it were very easy. I've practiced yoga before, and was able to do very difficult poses. Probably still could, if I bothered to try.

But parts of the class were very difficult. I cannot, while seated, place my right foot (that's the artificial hip limb) on my left knee. I can do the opposite, but don't have the flexibility or strength to do right on left. So that's a challenge to work on.

And balancing on my left leg was a problem. I would have thought the right leg would have been more difficult. But I would have been wrong.

The chair class is only offered once a week. I'm not sure if I'll go again, or if I'll go every week. Drop-in classes are $10 each, and a class package (8 classes in 10 weeks) is $65.

At any rate … it was good to try something new.

It's quite cold today. I have a dentist appointment in Beckley at 2. The roads are ice- and snow-covered, and it won't melt because the temperature won't get above the upper teens today. I'll need to give myself plenty of time to get there. This is the impression visit. I'm honestly worried that one of my lower teeth will come out with the impression material. Ugh.

Other than that … nothing to report.

Be kind.

Oh, the weather outside is …

2018-01-16T09:04:00.000-05:00

fucking cold.

Yesterday looked marginally promising for an outdoor walk with my husband. We waited until about 1:30, thinking that would be when the daytime temperature was the highest. And it was … but 28° really isn't very warm.

We walked 4.6 miles along the Greenbrier River, the edges of which were frozen solid. It was cold. Really, really cold. I was so cold my back ached from shivering and we (he's 74, I'm 66) managed about a 20-minute pace for the entire trek.

I was still cold when I went to bed last night.

I'm sure I've been colder, but I can't remember when. Seriously.

We're under a winter weather advisory here in southern West Virginia today and tomorrow. Doesn't look like the snow will start falling until I have to be in a meeting this evening. Two meetings, actually.

Plenty of time to get a walk in during the day.

On the treadmill.

Don't forget: Bundle up and be kind!