Knit with Snot for Your

Trying to stay distracted

2012-02-17T07:59:00.000-05:00

I'm not that great at flying. (I just don't have the wings for it. Ok, I got that one out of my system.) I get motion sick, so I often end up taking too much Dramamine and making an ass of myself.

I have developed a very sophisticated way to counter act the effects of Dramamine. I like to nibble chippies on the plane. It keeps me distracted from all of my hyper nervous feelings about planes, in the sky, made of metal, and lift and drag, and the ocean, and air masks, and flotation devices.

When I say nibble chippies, I actually mean plow through a whole family sized bag of Doritos.

Last time I flew alone, I thought I'd distract myself with more than just the chippies, by watching a movie on my ipod.

I had Jennifer's Body all set up.

I plugged in my head phones and was soon enjoying a teenage demon girl killing and eating boys. The plane was so loud I had to keep turning the volume up. I realized why when I stowed my electronics for landing. I didn't have the headphones in the headphone jack. That poor bastard sitting next to me. He was covered in Doritos carnage and had to endure the audio of Jennifer's Body without the stunning visual's of Jennifer's actual Body.

Today, today I am prepared. When we flew to Florida as a family some of my irrational fear was taken away, in an equally irrational way. The Ogre* sat 4 rows up with the 3 Pigs. I sat alone, due to being completely useless on a plane. Unless you need someone to barf, freak out, pass out or drool. If you need that, I'm all over it.

There was some sort of plane malfunction during taxi-ing, so we had to go back to the terminal. I had all that preflight crazy stirred up with no where to go. Really, no where to go. We ended up sitting in a parked plane for 3 hours. My original crazy of not wanting to be on the plane turned into bitch-ain't-gettin-off-this-plane-unless-it's-in-MICKEYMOUSE'SHOMETOWN!!!

Yeah. I was no longer worried about the flying part. Plus, I got super good at words with friends.**

Today, in an attempt to quell the crazy before it gets ramped up, the Ogre offered to take my suitcase 6 hours before my flight. Why, you ask. Because if left to my own devices, I would unpack, repack, try on every piece of clothing in my closet, and in turn, ramp up the crazy.

It might rain, or I may need to drink a 40 on the front porch. This dress is great for that.

Happy Week to all of you. I am sure to have some sort of adventure related stories to tell.

* Oh, the Ogre wedged into a plane is actually more funny than what you are imagining.

**To any of my friends I actually play words with friends with, you know this is a lie. I still suck.

Heading South!

2012-02-16T08:29:00.000-05:00

It was an exciting start to the year, what with Toby the Kidney stone, robotics, ears, and battle of the books. But it's gotten kind of slow. So, to spice things up, I'm heading to Florida. Yeah, without the Pigs or the Ogre.

Oh, I'm all stressed out and I'm going to miss them, but I've got to go see my Mom, and the Beach. Really, I need adventure! I'm looking to wrestle a gator, or at least eat a lot of fish.

Happy Valentines!

2012-02-14T08:24:00.000-05:00

Yep, even my love was brought to you by NPR.

Party, Cyber Style

2012-02-08T17:35:00.002-05:00

What started as me baking 10,000,000 cookies due to new oven joy, turned into "well, this would have been easier if I owned cookie sheets."

Instead of doing what a normal person would do, which is I don't know what because apparently I'm not normal, I contacted my local Pampered Chef dealer. Turns out, it just happens to be bake ware on sale month! I thought, hell, if I need stuff to pamper my inner chef, maybe my lovely friends do too.

So, welcome to my online, catalog Pampered Chef Party.

Just hit shop online...and you are on your way.

Party ends Feb 18th, so get your order in.
If you are Kzoo local, I should have real catalogs by Friday, Feb 10.

As it turns out, I am this lazy. But you could thank me for not flooding your email.

An Adventure before 10 am

2012-02-07T10:51:00.002-05:00

Pig 1 is home sick today. Fever, headache, the whole shabang. Since Pig 3 had a Dr's appt, and Pig 1 was home sick, Pig 1 put Pig 2 on the bus, which is as funny as it sounds.

Pig 1 is playing video games and resting. I know he's actually sick and not just pulling the "I really need to level up in Skyrim" due to the fever. I did tell him, at some point he would have to turn the game off and take a nap.

Pig 3's ears...

Pig 3 failed a school hearing screening in November. He was seen by his Dr's office twice since then. One time to farm the potato sized ear wax out of his head, and another to recheck his hearing post industrial cleaning.

Today a nurse took Pig 3 into the ear testing room for a tympanogram. (Pig 3 is the one who told me which test he had, because he remembers everything. Which may explain his incredible use of curse words.) I was told it would just take a minute and I could wait outside. I said, "ok" and thought, hahaahaa, yeah, you didn't schedule enough time for what you're about to go through.

As predicted,it took forever. The nurse was trying to get Pig 3's bad ear to pass their damn test, not knowing that the ear not passing the damn test is the actual problem.

As the Dr entered the room sneezing, and snuffly Pig 3 said "Well, that's ironic." I thought I heard him wrong so I was all "what?" So, yeah, he said "it's ironic that I'm here to see a doctor, and he's sick." Ok, Pig 3. You are 7 and fully know about irony.

After the cleaning, and waiting 2 months to see if fluid would clear up, his hearing has been deemed impaired due to fluid. He's being referred to his ENT office. Oh, please let it be the super short guy in the office! He's so zazzy.

Pig 3 will end up either getting a tube, or his ear will clear up by the time we get into the ENT. Serious. That's what the Dr said, and that's why I like that guy.

Lessons learned:

Potatoes can be harvested from the human head.
Pig 3 may be super loud due to a medical condition.

HMS Surprise-Well what's your oven's name?

2012-02-06T09:23:00.001-05:00

The new oven showed up Friday. It politely knocked on the door and said, "where's that piece of crap I'm replacing?" Not only was the new oven replacing the broken oven, but also this sweet little toaster oven.

I baked the hell out of some salmonella in this little oven! I can't quit you, you're safely going to hibernate in the basement.

There were a few minutes of stress when my beast of convection and traditional cooking was delivered. Like when nice delivery guy unpacked the stove and hollered into the house, "What color oven were you expecting?" I flipped out, and said "Stainless? What have I got?"

He was actually just a very thoughtful delivery person. Since we were getting rid of a white stove, and still have a white range fan, and refrigerator, he was concerned. I explained we were just working our way around the kitchen one appliance at a time. Which, is not nearly as fun as the Lava Game, and also much more expensive.

Once it was out of the box, and in the house, there were issues getting it into the old oven spot. I had to leave the room when the oven almost hit dishwasher.

How the hell can the old oven fit in and out of the kitchen and the new one isn't fitting back?

DID I REALLY ORDER THE WRONG SIZED OVEN????!!!


This was just going to piss off the Ogre.

Turns out, the new oven is the sold as the same size as the old one, but the old one lied about it's size. Both ovens said they were 36 C, but the old one was more like a heavy B.

Here we have the HMS Surprise!


Trust me, I'm as damn sick of hearing about my kitchen as you are.

As in Surprise! it fits! Surprise! dinner isn't raw! Surprise! Wow, that rapid burner is like a jet engine!

There has been so much internet speculation around me getting a new oven that GE actually tweeted me and asked what the first thing I made in the oven was...

Yes, with this magnificent cooking machine, I warmed up leftover pizza.

It's like a 12 step distraction program

2012-02-02T09:58:00.001-05:00

I've broken up with Stephanie Plum. Cold turkey. I had to stop. I was beginning to think everyone was carrying a gun, and that my car may explode.

I've been trying to stay busy in an effort to keep from slinking back to girly detective adventures.

I've organized a helicopter training facility.

Three Pigs, three radio control helicopters, and 15 minute at a time flying adventures. These little choppers are amazing at inducing hysterical bouts of laughter.

Shopping is always a good distracting.

I thought, maybe, it was time to upgrade from slippers and leave the house once in awhile.

I was also tempted by this...

It's a Weasley Sweater! Made by Tommy Hilfiger. It is possible that the H stands for Hilfiger, but that's stupid, we all know it's a Weasley Sweater. I've always wanted a Weasley sweater and thought the kids were all prats about not wanting to wear them, but I get it now. That H is cool, but, I don't know if I can seriously wear that.

I passed on the sweater. But I did manage to get this tiny new oven.

It's small, because it's so mystical

Now I'm so distracted I can barely do anything but Pin things on Pinterest to match my oven and organize the kitchen! Don't go there! Resist! Resist!

Another technique I've been using to stay off the pulp fiction is that old standby knitting! Yes, knitting can help. Unless you do the whole audio book thing, or have the balance and agility to read and knit. I don't have that ability, so it's cool.

It's possible the knitting is going well, but the personal hygiene is suffering. I know, I know, it also needs sleeves. Don't fret! I am avoiding doing dishes, so that sweater should have sleeves by tonight!

But really, I do need to stop by the library...

Another Book Series wears me down

2012-01-30T11:23:00.000-05:00

So I got sucked into this series of books. It's happened before. I read all 20 of the Aubrey Maturin books, you know the series that inspired Master and Commander? I can't tell you an intelligent thing about the Napoleonic Wars or much about global circumvention in a ship, but that Captain Aubrey was a lusty man with a big gun, and some cannons, and cutlasses, and don't forget the seamen!!

The Wizard of Oz, L. Frank Baum wrote more than just the one book. A whole series, and I had to read it, because, I wanted to know what the hell happened.

Now, thanks to Sarah, I'm on this new series. It's actually less embarrassing than that bout of adolescent sparkly vampires, but not as good as the series where everyone's hungry. Sadly, there are an enormous amount of books, with no clear end in sight.

That's were my problem lies, is in the end. Sarah set me up with One for the Money, a Stephanie Plum mystery, so that we could go see the movie together. Did you see the word mystery in there? I hate mysteries. I read a couple chapters, skip to the end, have no idea whats going on, so I read more of the front of the book, then get back to the last couple chapters and end up reading the whole book from either end until I get to the middle.

It's like presents. I know you got me one, so where the hell did you hide it? I will in fact tear the house apart.

Ugh, 17, no, wait, another one came out not too long ago, 18 books in the series. I just checked wiki, Stephanie Plum doesn't appear to have married Joe Morelli and currently be living my life. I think me and the series have to break up. Or, I could start reading from 18 backwards.

Hockey!

2012-01-27T08:26:00.000-05:00

Tonight is Frugal Fan Friday at Wings Stadium! What does that mean to you? You get a hot dog, a beer, for only a $1!

The K Wings will be playing the Cincinnati Cyclones. Game starts at 730.

We're going out to support the K Wings, and to support our local Middle School's 6th grade camp program. A portion of pre game ticket sales went to the program, but I'm in it for the hockey. Or maybe the cheap beer.

Don't worry, if you want to catch a great game, eat cheap hot dogs, and still support the Middle School, it's not too late! Come to the game and make sure to buy Pucks for the Chuck-A-Puck!!

Money from the sale of pucks goes to the school and then YOU get to chuck the pucks out on the ice for a chance to win cash.

Hope to see you there.

A 5 minute home improvement

2012-01-26T09:11:00.001-05:00

I take a lot of photos of the sink area. It's my favorite spot in the house.

Look! Dirty dishes in the sink.

Honestly a cozy spot in the living room, bundled up under a pile of blankets is my actual favorite spot in the house. But I do spend a lot of time time standing in this area, so I try to make it pleasant and well organized.

I've been plotting the building of a new, fully operational (death star) kitchen since May 2011 . We've made a lot of updates and it's only a matter of time now until we get a new oven. I want my new oven to stay pretty, and nice, and not catch on fire, and for the door to fully shut. I also don't want it to end up like this...

Yes, on top of the door not fully shutting, it's also rusting out. Plus, this lovely Kenmore model was involved in a lawsuit in 2008. I don't believe anything ever came of it because the oven was never taken away in handcuffs.

How does an oven rust out in front? Ogre sized hands, dripping Ogre sized amounts of water onto a human sized hand towel, hanging from the oven door handle.

What's a girl to do?

,
I bought a Rev-A-Shelf Towel bar. The plan was to hang it to the right of the sink, on the cupboards, at Ogre hand level. As it turns out, Ogre hand level is my eye level. Which does explain why he keeps handing stuff to my head.

The instructions made the installation sound easy, three tools, 5 minutes.

For me, this turned into a much more time consuming event. It took 5 minutes to find the step stool, another 5 minutes to set up the camera.

Check the smile! I'm ready to install an oven saving towel rack!

Not the most flattering photo, but really, how the hell do you get up on the counter? Once here though, I know I can traverse across the kitchen without touching the floor. Haha lava! I've defeated you!

Here's were the trouble starts, or continues. Standing on the counter, using tools, dropping screws was not especially fun. Things may have been better if say, I had washed and put away the dishes first. Or, perhaps, I wasn't trying to do home improvement in my slippers.

I was already over the five minute installation time, so I took a snack break.

I would like to suggest to Rev-A-Shelf that they add snack break to the installation instructions. Or for the instructions to say 5 minute installation if you have all of your items together, a long screwdriver with a magnetic tip to help with the infuriating process of screwing in screws, and you don't take a snack break to recover from the high level of annoyance brought on by installing our lovely chrome, sliding, two pronged shelf.

In the end I did manage to hang the towel rack. Please don't hang on it, or look at it harshly. I gave up after putting in only 2 of the 4 screws.

Kitchen=Done! Sweater=Normal

2012-01-24T06:59:00.004-05:00

The painting is done!

before...

after!!!

The photo makes it look like I just put up new curtains and moved the plants around, but it's done. Sure, the cleaning, organizing and finding things that got neglected in the process, are still on going.
But I'm sure I could blast Alderaan and make a loaf of bread at this point.

On the knitting front, I'm working on a Knitting Pure and Simple Neck Down Pullover as part of the Zombie Prom Date Knitters Knit A Long. Look, a lovely brown lump of sweater.

Due to my normal mode of doing things, I underestimated a crucial point in the sweater making. It's easier just to show you...


Look! No tummy!

The brown yarn was purchased when FatCatCrochet came to visit. I was so excited to finally use it. I had 6 skeins out of the original 10 left. The perfect amount to make this sweater! Then I realized, I'd made a baby sweater, and a hat, and, and now I've only got 4 skeins of brown. 2 are already in the sweater. The rest, is variegated green. In the dark storage box in the basement, they all looked brown.

"Hey Pig 1, why does your Mom always wear that ugly green and brown sweater?"

"She made it."

"That somehow doesn't make it any better."

The moral of this story to anyone else would be:

Always check your lot numbers before starting a project.

For me, it's don't let Knit with Snot offer to make you a sweater.

Home Improvement...Or something close

2012-01-20T08:27:00.002-05:00

I wanted to share the glory of my repainted kitchen when it was a completely done and fully operational Death Star.

Before...and it's not much better yet.

Probably due to the large amount of paint fumes I've been inhaling, it's been slow going. Ok, it also may be due to the large amount of people that are still living in the house and attempting to use the kitchen.

Another before. Still no after.

Or, as with many of my projects, I work under the false impression that it's only going to take a short time to complete. Three days ago the plan was to not caulk, spackle holes, and tape trim. After calling Pam and Dan I was schooled in the idea that caulking is not evil, but pretty easy and hides a number of 1/4 inch sins. (For you in educated metric locales, that's about 6 mm.)

My short time allotted to pre painting tasks turned into a full day gig. I will admit, I went a little crazy with the caulk. There are now no 1/4 cracks between the counter top and wall in the kitchen, or any other place in the house.

It's been said that I buy orange items because no one else will and I feel bad for them. This may be true, but I will add that green is also on sale a lot.


I honestly don't try to dress like this. It's what I have.

This is my painting outfit. It's also the outfit I wore while I visited nearly every business in Vicksburg. Why did I leave the house? I stuck out like a Margarita in a snow storm! People thought I was directing post accident traffic.

After I taped, and caulked and spackled, I was finally ready to paint the trim. Although I was prepared to paint, I had no paint brush. I actually do have a paint brush, a favorite paint brush, but I'll be damned if I can find it.

A simple trip to the hardware store turns into...I should stop at the library! Oooh, I really could be nice to the Ogre and pick up that prescription for him! Hark! The grocery store! My battle of the books team needs snacks!

After all that, not much time was left for painting. No fully operational Death Star, no kitchen inspired by the Night Circus. Just this...

Snowy Days are perfect for...Robotics

2012-01-18T08:40:00.002-05:00

Saturday, in the middle of snow madness, we left our warm cozy home, and traveled to Holland. Yes, you read that correctly, left the home. Got into the little car and drove north and toward the lake. The great lake of Michigan.

What amazing adventure would lead me so far from my warm bed?

FIRST Tech Challenge!

Robotics event..


Bowled Over explanation and rules video

What is FIRST Tech Competition? Well, will.i.am is involved which makes it awesome. Wait, it was awesome before because it involves robots. Sometimes I can't even make this stuff up. For once here is the truth:

Pig 1 is involved with the Vicksburg Middle School robotics team the Control Freaks.

Green shirts with Orange writing? OMG! I swear, I had nothing to do with that!

The team has been working since the beginning of the school year on their robot.

They built it, programed it and then battled it. Ok, not with chainsaw arms, but with programing and strategy.

We attended the West Michigan Championship in Holland. I was not prepared for the awesome of this event. It was all ac/dc back in black rock and roll during registration. I'm serious, there was a dj.

They had two battle rings, and battles going non stop. There was so much going on they had a big screen and two large tvs to cover all the action. It was like a celebrity party, minus the booze.

Plus, the robots! The teams all get the same kit, and have regulations for size etc, but the variations from team to team were amazing! I wish I'd gotten more photos, but I was so wound up in the battles I mostly sat, watched and cheered on.

That's another cool thing about robotics, the teams compete, but there is also a co operative component. 2 teams join an alliance and try to maneuver the course and get points versus another 2 team alliance. So an opponent one round may very well be your ally the next.

It was really inspiring watching the kids plot and scheme, and then change allies without throwing fits or being crappy to each other. Each team had something different to offer as an ally.

Yes, there still were idiotic parents yelling idiotic things. Like "get the ball!" which sounds aggressive even in baseball, but here people were yelling "GET THE BOWLING BALL!" so it was all the more ridiculous.

Team Control Freaks did not get 1st, or third, or in the top 10. But, the robot worked, it's programing allowed them to automatically get 10 points in the autonomous portion, and they learned a lot about how a team gets penalties, er, compete in the Bowled Over event.

Interested? Want to see what it's all about? Well, check out your local area. If you are near Kalamazoo, our High School Team will be competing March 3rd at Gull Lake High School.

If you want to help the Vicksburg Middle School team...consider being a sponsor! I have already asked the team how much I need to donate to get Knit with Snot on the back of their shirts.

I'd definitely recommend attending a robotics event, or supporting a team. These kids are the ones who will be building skynet. It's probably to our benefit to be on their side.

Snow Madness, it's finally here!

2012-01-13T12:00:00.002-05:00

We had a two day lead on this snow storm. It was supposed to give us 8-14 inches of snow in a 36 hour period. Were we worried? NO! Because knowing ahead of time meant we could prepare to be snow bound.

How does one prepare to be snowbound? Well, it depends. If we are snowbound and without power, personally I want to be able to eat a bowl of cereal and be able to take a dump, wipe and flush. So, I want to make sure I have:

Milk
toilet paper
fill jugs with water to flush with

Then I get to thinking, well, if we are really snowed in, I'm going to want some hooch. I mean, you are aware of what happened at the Overlook Hotel? Stark, raving, murderous rage, filled with actual axe murder. I'm not going to say the alcohol was a factor, I'm saying without the alcohol, Jack would have gone batshit crazy sooner.

So,
Milk
toilet paper
fill jugs with water to flush with
alcohol

Sadly, we had a two day warning about the storm and I drank the emergency bottle of wine.

On the eve of the storm, the Ogre was set to pick up
diet soda
sour cream
the snowthrower

I was going to get

Energy drinks
paint for the kitchen
cleaning supplies
rum

Now for the day of the snow event, we were ready. Sadly, it only snowed about 4 inches. But school was still cancelled. Luckily I also had waiting for a day just like this,Halo Reach, and a xbox rapid battery charger.

While the Pigs destroyed robots, I went out and cleared the drive with the newly operational toro snow thrower. (I try so hard to call it a thrower and not a blower, because, well, I hear blower is pretty dirty.) The toro, although having spent some time at the shop, runs rather quirky. So, I made a deal with it. If it could stay running long enough to clear the drive, I would be neighborly and clear the drive of the family with 2 little kids. A selfless deed.

It worked! I got my whole drive cleared. I took my toro and went across the street. On my way I slide on the ice. As I fell, I realized why school was closed. It's slippery as hell out there.

Did I give up? No, like the ass that I am, I started the toro up and attempted to be a good neighbor. The toro stalled. I fell again. But did I take this as a sign to stop? No! No, I tried again. I also fell again. The toro stalled. I finally took the hint that it was time for some well earned emergency supplies, and that the toro is a selfish bitch.

Artisan Bread...Even here, it can happen

2012-01-12T14:34:00.001-05:00

The Artisan Bread book finally arrived! Of course the first thing I did was not read any of it and jump to the recipe on page 25. Turns out, there are a lot of good details about bread baking in 5 minutes a day leading up to the master recipe. But, skipping ahead is part of my charm.

The box of candy is not being eaten, it's a book mark

I was really excited because these are the only dishes I dirtied while preparing my bread dough.

Ok, I guess you have to count this giant 6 liter bucket also. It's the keeper of the dough.

Oh, I also dirtied this crazy contraption. It's a dough stirrer, and totally worth whatever the Ogre paid for it.

Yes, I am wearing my all purpose Maleficent pjs. If you see me wearing these in public, please send me home though

See, it's like Magic! It stirred the dough, hardly stuck at all and was easy to clean.

The next step was to let the dough rise for an hour and a half at room temperature. Since the only room in our house that can be considered room temp is the living room, the dough had to go there.

Pig 3 asked what I had. I told him it was his new baby brother.

Look! It did what is was supposed to! I truly believe that the crocheted blanket helped to keep it company, which enhanced the rising. It's like happy chickens lay better eggs.

Can you believe I can follow directions? I actually weighed out the 1 lb of dough.

The one part of the directions that could have been a bit clearer involved adding water to the hot oven. Yes, I know I was making steam for my bread, but the actual getting the water in, not getting burned and then shutting the oven door was a lot more of an aerobic activity than I was expecting.

I added the water and did sort of a slam, drop and run maneuver. Here is the collateral damage. Look! No burns!! But the photographic evidence lead me to wonder...

Was I drunk when I put this magnet here?

It all turned out ok though...Behold! I made bread!

I didn't know if it would be poison or not, so I tested it on the Pigs. They seemed to like it.

Oh, the dough holding buckets also double as a barf bowl. Show up at the local hospital er with an Ogre and a 6 liter barf bucket, you get excellent service.

Quick Updates-Because I'm tired

2012-01-10T10:16:00.003-05:00

I thought I was tired before! On Friday, one Mr. Ogre decided that a certain kidney stone, later to be named Toby, wanted to be passed. Of course, it couldn't be that easy.

We went to 2 hospitals, he got multiple shots, iv injections, and mentions of him being tall. I'd like to point out that noting that he is tall did not help his stone, or his mood.

Toby is still comfortably lodged. When that bastard is finally born I plan to add him to my necklace of human teeth.

Now, the Pigs are back at school. But with that, I had forgotten my responsibilities of being a Battle of the Books coach.

Oh, it's a real thing. Part battle robot, part quiz bowl. Wait, the battle robot part is Pig 1's other thing, Robotics.

As for me, I've been having adventures in baking, and what I've made has been edible.

Oh, you want snotty knitting? Ok, join me and the whole Zombie Prom Date Knitters Crew Mondays all this Month at the Panera Bread on Gull Road, 1230-330ish

Skating, sledding, GO BACK TO SCHOOL!!

2012-01-04T16:21:00.001-05:00

The Pigs are still home on Holiday Break. I had planned to do a bunch of fun activities with them during their two week break. Unfortunately, I was sick last week, so we've been sort of doing it up this week.

Yesterday we went to Long Lake Roller Rink. Now this is a great rink. Reasonably priced, 2 skating floors, and no nonsense owners.

I don't know where you used to skate, but mean tough kids used to get in knife fights and smoke-while doing the limbo. The Long Lake Roller Rink run a clean tidy rink, help little kids learn to skate, and keep the higher maintenance moms in check.

Pig 3 getting his 80's groove on

I'm just saying that when the sign out front says No Outside Skates, they freaking mean it. Don't bitch about it. If you don't like it, go to a shitty messed up floor that allows outdoor skates.

(I hope that I have never lead you to believe I am a high maintenance mom.)

I used to go skating all the time. My old lady body still has the brain of a 12 year old. I skated, a glided, I gracefully jumped in the air, did a half turn, landed, and continued backwards. Pig 2 said I was showing off. I said that's what my brain told my body to do.

Although I skated with grace and joy, (no, really that's what I named my skates) and had dreams that a scout from the Killamazoo Roller Derby Darlins would ask me to try out for the team, I could hardly walk later that night.

Today, we went sledding. We were out on the hill at 9 am.

The moving on my part and Pig 1 being awake at that time were both small miracles.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I'm hoping it will involve a nap. Or more time for...

Fish Hat pattern by Thelma Egberts Knitty '08

knitting! Because if these Pigs don't go back to school soon, it's going to kill me. Or, I'll become physically fit.

The above whining has been scaled up for dramatic effect. I loooooove that Vicksburg has a local sledding hill. Free outdoor fun!

Long Lake Roller rink truly is rocker. The big rink is so smooth and nice, as Pig 3 says "it's like gliding." I swear the music was specially picked just for me as part of a weird Holly 80's flashback. It was like hot tub time machine, with a lot less boobs.

More on the Ah-mazing 2012

2012-01-03T09:17:00.001-05:00

Part of my Make 2012 Ah-mazing* is to bake bread. Now, I've done this before.

Not so much the "bake bread" part, but more the "Hey! Baking bread is totally easy and fun, and maybe I will be super good at it and it will be delicious and everyone will want my bread as much as they want my NFL teams matched up to Cascade 220 yarn, but this time I'll make some money off of it."

I was planning to already be smack talking store bought bread and singing my own bread baking praises. But there was a slight delay. No, not zombies this time. Just the regular thinking you ordered something, waiting for it to show up and then realizing you put it in the cart, but never actually paid for it. Yeah. I did that.

So what magical book did I finally actually order?

The full title is Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day: The Discovery that Revolutionizes Home Baking.

See, Revolutionized! The flour that has been occupying space, is going to be liberated into BREAD! Even my kitchen is part of social change!

*Ah-mazing. Sorry haters of the word amazing, but bear with me. Have you seen the tv show happyendings? It's a reference to that. I could go on, about SNL Alum and Damon Wayans Jr. but I'll stop.

Crochet to Doll Clothes

2011-12-31T14:16:00.002-05:00

I have been crocheting the Snotty Ripples blanket for over a year now. I had Pig 3 pose with it before the holidays so that I would have photographic proof of it's existence.

I need proof of it because I'd like to throw it behind the couch and only think of it again when I'm feeling nostalgic.

Because I don't want to work on it again until we all travel by bullet trains and a smart car cover sized blanket is just an old fashioned memory.

Check the original in the back ground. It's freakishly large and colorful. The blanket, not the Ogre.

While breaking up with the Snotty Ripples, I made this for my girl Machete.

It's my version of the American Girl Doll Poncho Knitted Pattern. No, mine doesn't have fringe, but it does have a crocheted picot edging. How would I know the difference? I am French.

You see, my sweet little Machete got an American Girl Doll for Christmas. It isn't just any American Girl Doll, it's Julie, the pot smoking hippie from San Francisco!

This was a link to America Girl Doll Julie. Now, it seems to be other things. Sorry, it's all html. I am French. How would I know?

My mistake, it's Julie, the "fun-loving girl growing up in San Francisco in the 1970s. It also offers lessons about choices and friendship that still touch girls today."

Do you see how I could get that confused?

Now, Machete's doll is from the 1970's San Francisco, and since she is a fun-loving girl, she needed a poncho.

My actual fun loving doll from the 70's, Mandy, was all jealous. She said "I will cut a bitch. I pity the Fool that don't let me try that poncho on!"

Besides watching a lot of A*Team growing up, Mandy wanted to be a fashion model doll. She always did have Barbie issues.

She can really work the run way, but not so much a hair brush.

I really think I should add "get out more" to my list of things to do in 2012.

2012-The Year of Amazing or Ah-mazing

2011-12-29T18:26:00.001-05:00

Are you ready for another great year of zombie slaying, questionable family outings, and hell, questionable knitted goods? No? Uh, then you may want to check how you landed here.

I've been blogging for awhile, and was famous for a bit. But after taking some time off from being awesome and trying to be a regular working person, I feel like I've lost some of what made me quirky.

Although from the above photo, I don't think I picked a very good demonstration of loss of quirk.

Since 2012 is just around the corner, I figure it's time to set up new, back to fun goals.

1. Donate more knitted items
2. Bake bread
3. Cook more dinners
4. Visit FatCatCrochet
5. Volunteer on a regular basis
6. Get my boobs squished*
7. Knit a sweater for me
8. Quality rum, wine-no more hooch for me.

Now, those may not sounds fun, or above and beyond normal right now, but surely, with an Ogre and three Pigs in tow, I'm almost positive it will be an adventure.

*For the record: I will not be bringing the Ogre and 3 Pigs to get my boobs squished. I may take Bec though, she's my sponsor.

I need energy to lose my money quicker

2011-12-22T15:59:00.000-05:00

I have a secret love of lotto scratchers. When I was in high school, every time I'd fill up the old escort, (Ford, not hooker) I'd get a bottle of Coke, a pack of squares, and a lotto scratcher. Ah, so much class, and only $14.

I'd been thinking about getting some holiday scratchers, you know, as gifts, for other people, not for me. No scratchers for me.

So here's what my to do list looked like today:

1. Buy a Michigan Raffle ticket for the low, low price of $20. Excellent odds.
2. Buy scratchers, for other people.
3. Hell, if I'm at the Party store, oh, who are we kidding, the liquor store, I might as well get an energy drink.
4. Walk to the liquor store because if one gets exercise on the way to wasting money on lotto tickets, it sort of even outs the bad with the good.
5. Wait. Research must be done on the best odds on scratchers, a list of good ones will be made and utilized while in the store.
6. Trick the Ogre into this venture, he needs exercise too, and get him to pay for all of the above.

All but item 1 on the list was completed. Now, I sit, all hopped up on lo carb monster with a pile of scratchers and glee in my heart at the prospect of coining the gray stuff off to reveal, well, I mostly like removing the gray stuff.

Happy Holidays...I don't care what you celebrate

2011-12-20T08:53:00.002-05:00

While getting the Holiday Cards ready, the Ogre asked, "These are about set, unless you've developed a grand ambition to write an accompanying letter."

My response was, "uh, nothing really happened this year."

This is a lie. Things happened, but, well, this is the letter that is not being sent and you can decided.

Dear Friends, Romans, and Countrymen,

Here at the Ogre household, we've had a cut bait sort of year.  Which may mean we're just not that into fishing.

Holly dropped out of Massage School in January.  It just wasn't her bag, baby.

Holly then quit her job in December. It just wasn't her bag, baby.

(One may begin to wonder what her bag is.)

The Ogre used to travel all the time for work.  Not anymore!  He got a more on site job.

We visited Pam and Dan in Florida over Spring Break. They'd finally had enough of Michigan, and relocated to Florida. 

The Pigs all spent the summer in Day Care.  They were not fans. 

School started again.

Pig 1 may have quit Scouts. He's on the fence.  But he did start Robotics Club.  Hey! It's endorsed by Morgan Freeman and will.i.am.

Pig 2 is really trying to cut down on the swearing.

Pig 3 is really trying to be taller.

We went to Disney World, had a great time, and we're refreshed and ready to have a great Holiday Letter...next year.

Not stellar. Nothing to really write home about.  We'll try harder to be interesting, or at least have more stick-to-itiveness, this year,  

Save me from myself

2011-12-18T13:59:00.000-05:00

I told the Ogre I would help him wrap Christmas. If you know me, you know this is an empty promise. I hate wrapping gifts. I hate even edges, and bows, and tape. Really? Do you need that much tape? Then I get all "why do we have to buy gifts in December? I love you and want to buy crap that you don't want year round!"

So, I said I would help wrap. But my secret plan was to just be upstairs with the Ogre while he did all the work. What was I planning on doing during this time of joyous holiday cheer? I was planning on doing some home hair removal.

Oh, yes. I can grow a goatee, a fu manchu or a full lumberjack beard.

No, not me, but could be after a couple of days. Available at beardhead

While the Ogre wrapped, I waxed. Oh, sweet baby Jesus, I waxed. The 'stache, the goatee, and the unibrow. Dearest, dear Pigs. You are blessed. You will have full beards when you are 13.

Happy Holidays, and Merry Beardmas. If you love me, you will get me an electrolysis session.

Disney...Hells Yes I said Disney

2011-12-14T20:45:00.003-05:00

We went to Disney, yes again, last week.

It's empty, because the Ogre is AWESOME!

It was so fun there was barfing and two potty accidents.

Sadly the two potty accidents were mine. I was running, to have more fun, and well, pee happened.

standing still is fine, it's the running that makes me pee

While there, we saw many a happy site, like this

the Ogre riding Dumbo. Now that doesn't happen everyday. If it did, I think it'd still be amusing.

Pam and Dan also met up with us one night at the amazing Flying Fish restaurant on the Disney Boardwalk.

Ogre, Pigs, Pam and Dan-I was taking the damn picture. No, no one was around to take the photo for us, we only travel when other humans are not around. You do not want to see the Ogre in a crowd.

Who is the Ogre's twitter BFF? Neil Patrick Harris, yo! Although in a very Friends episode turn of events he saw Isabella Rosselini, and had a chance with her, but had recently taken her off his list. Not true, she is totally on his list, he just didn't have a chance with her.

The Magic Kingdom is the happiest place on earth. I know this because you can take your whole Ogre, Pig filled family, hang out with Plushies, let your Muppet freak flag fly, and, and visit Tatooine and have people know what the hell you're talking about when you say TTC, MK, or Ooooh! can we stop at Club Cool for a Kinley?

We saw this phone box and had to check and see if it was the Tardis, you know, in disguise.

Turns out, it's really a phone box. Like a real phone box. This is also something I know because I touched the very, very dirty handset.

It has a real dial tone. Not the Tardis, but a direct line to Serenity-Ah-mazing!

Oooh. We also met Father Christmas! It was very much like the Polar Express...Pig 3 got a bell from Father Christmas!

Just after, Pig 2 asked Father Christmas "Did you know that mistletoe is good against werewolves?" Father Christmas answered "I know son, I have some werewolves on the naughty list. Don't even get me started on the zombies."

The start of Snow Madness 2011-2012

2011-11-29T14:35:00.001-05:00

Ok, in Michigan, it's sort of snaining. I agree, that does sound like a personal problem, but you mix snow and rain, and, you get snain. I'm not saying it's pretty, I'm just saying it. With all the dirty sounding weather we've been having, I've been in the crafty mood. Yes, I've done some serious witchcraft, but I've also been toiling...double, double, toil and trouble, on Pig 3's Snotty Ripple Blanket. Which, if what I say in the post is true, was started almost 1 year ago. Sometimes, I lie.

It's a large blanket, for sure, but it has not acquired unacceptable size.

See, the big stripes, that's my Snotty Ripples. Don't worry, your computer is fine, it's the ripples making the photo blurry

Now, my dear, sweet Patty has also been making a Snotty Ripple Blanket also. Hers has been deemed to be

The Socially Unacceptable blanket, due to it's immense size.

Or a lovely cozy for a Smart Car. (also due to it's immense size) (boys love that phrase)

But we of the ZPDK LOVE IT! Don't frog it! It's a thing of awe and beauty!!

I've been thinking about it, and I believe it should be the new annual Holiday Photo blanket. The whole family gets under it, and the photo is just of noggins. That way everything from bad fashion, weight gain, pregnancies, questionable boyfriends/girlfriends can be hidden.

After the Snotty Ripples catastrophe, I'm wondering friends, what other questionable activity can I talk you into? It looks like it's going to be a long winter, with plenty of opportunities for
SNOW MADNESS!