Knitty Bits

New blog!

2012-12-27T13:21:00.000-06:00

I've decided to retire "KnittyBits" and start a new blog. There are a couple reasons for this decision. The name "KnittyBits" (even though I've had the blog name for several years) is really close to some other popular blogs and e-mags. And I was getting a lot of spam through the associated e-mail account.

My new blog is "The Cultured Purl" located at www.theculturedpurl.blogspot.com. The KnittyBits blog will still be online and intact should you feel the need to reread some of the old classics. I'm hoping the new blog will be just as enjoyable.

I hope to see you there!

Yarn

2012-11-19T16:23:00.003-06:00

Yarn is hermaphroditic...you buy one skein, put it in a room by itself, and a while later you have a room full of the stuff. Just like those snails you buy for the fish tank...only not kind of gross.

The one for Liana

2012-06-01T17:53:00.000-05:00

Liana and I had lunch together yesterday. FINALLY! And I don't mean "finally" because Liana was finally able to make time to go to lunch with me. Quite opposite, actually. I was finally able to get away and take time to have lunch with Liana. We went to Puckett's and it was delish! Thank you, Liana, for not giving up on me!

I don't have much to blog about, and I'm about to run out the door to a baseball game (hence the reason I haven't been able to make time to go to lunch with anyone). However, I ran across a book at an estate sale this afternoon and the back cover haunts me. I must share. (Liana, you'll appreciate this one!)

Here is a story of American life, so raw and vital - so brutal and yet so lyrical, that you will never be able to forget it. It is the story of a small, quiet community stung into violent awareness of itself by the onslaught of a man who is like a force of nature, a bolt of lightning - the personification of potent, male sex.

He makes every man in town suddenly doubtful of his own manhood. Every woman who looks at him knows, with a sudden fierceness, that she is a woman. To one girl he is the incarnation of her wildest dreams...

I want a "sudden fierceness". Can I get that in Nashville? Is it even legal?

And, no, I didn't buy the book. But I'm going back tomorrow to get it. One should never walk away from the personification of potent male sex. What was I thinking?

The One About the "Thing" About Walmart

2011-10-09T11:31:00.001-05:00

A friend of mine is getting married in a couple weeks and her shower is later this afternoon. She is registered at Walmart. Most people I know don't have a problem with Walmart. I, on the other hand, have this "thing" about Walmart. It's an undocumented medical condition. Some people have diabetes or high blood pressure...and I have this "thing" about Walmart.

I'm not sure when I first started showing symptoms, but with each episode the symptoms are at least ten times worse than the prior occurence. The treatment is actually quite simple. In fact, much more simple than treating diabetes or high blood pressure. I don't have to take any pills or inject myself with insulin. I just need to stay the [blank] away from Walmart. On most days, that's pretty easy...until you find out your friend's bridal registry is there.

The shower invitation arrived about two weeks ago so I've had ample time to work myself into a snit about the whole affair. I actually checked my blood pressure the other day and it was 125/77. My BP is rarely over 110/70-ish! I have seriously been obsessing about this for 14 solid days. I even ~~begged~~ asked Zack to go for me. He said no. He's concerned that this "thing" could be hereditary (like diabetes or high blood pressure) and doesn't want to risk it. I don't blame him.

When I got out of bed this morning, I realized that I had pretty much procrastinated as much as possible so I went to Walmart's website to check things out. Logging into the gift registry was pretty easy, I'll give them that. Up popped my friend's name with a link to her list of wanted items. The first on the list--a folding lug wrench. Honest to God. That's when I felt the first twinge. In hindsight, I should have said to hell with the registry and gone to Target to purchase a nice picture frame or candlesticks. Why I didn't will remain one of the great unsolved mysteries of 2011.

I called Randy to discuss the requested items and eventually settled on 20" electric griddle. That's when I noticed that Walmart now offers a "pick up today" service. I could purchase the item online and then pick it up at customer service within 4 hours thus minimizing the time I would have to spend in the store. The other benefit is that the item is immediately marked off the registry as "purchased" so I wouldn't run the risk of getting to Walmart only to find out that someone else had already snagged the griddle. I like it. So I made the purchase and patiently waited for the text message alerting me that the item was ready. I fussed about the house, ran a load of laundry, did a little work on the eight Christmas socks I'm knittng for a client (see? this really is about knitting) and then the text message arrived.

The drive to Walmart was uneventful. I ignored numerous signs indicating yard sales because I knew that the slightest distraction from my goal could end up with a Walmart employee wondering why a dusty griddle has been on the pick up shelf for the past 3 years. Focus. Breathe. Drive.

The parking lot. Breathe. I had to park about a 1/4 mile away from the store. Dodging pedestrians and abandoned carts, I found a suitable spot. I gathered my wits about me, said a little prayer and left the sanctuary of my car.

Eye contact at Walmart only exaserbates the symptoms. My first eye contact encounter was with a young teen who was walking to the car with his father. I was navigating a straight line to the door and this teenager, for no apparent reason, stepped directly into my path. He was deathly skinny, pallid and pimply, wore a plaid baseball cap cocked to one side, oversized jacket, chains, super dark blue jeans (I will give him credit for wearing them above his ass), and monsterous orange and lime green tennis shoes. Seriously, New Kids on the Block called and said that the Back Street Boys want their silly clothes back. I glared and stepped aside only slightly changing my trajectory, the entrance was still in sight.

When I got inside, I paused. It wasn't that bad...it wasn't that good either, but maybe I could suck it up and hurry to the back of the store to see if they had any Iams Naturals dog food in stock. Kroger doesn't carry the large bags and I'll be darned if I'm going to pay $12.59 for a small bag of the only dog food on the planet that doesn't give my dog gas. I was totally out of Iams. Poor Sophie had been eating the Rachel Rae brand and Zack and I were suffering the consequences. (Don't breathe.) Realizing that I could kill two birds with one stone, I ventured deeper into the store. Directly in my path were two people in white lab coats standing at a table display and offering free blood pressure screening. Hell. No. I quickly diverted before they had a chance to make eye contact. I'm sure had they strapped a BP cuff on my arm I would have ended up in the ER with a BP reading of 220/175. Focus. Breathe.

Trying not to gawk at the horrendous wardrobe decisions of my fellow Walmart shoppers, I reached the dog food aisle with minimal conflict. I didn't think to get a cart as I walked in the store, so I hoisted the bag ($17.97) under my arm, balancing it on my hip and proceeded to the front of the store to pay for my purchase. I arrived at the express checkout just as the cashier made eye contact with me and sauntered away. She didn't turn her light off, nor did she offer any explanation. I moved over three registers (because even though the parking lot is at maximum capacity, Walmart only has 4 open check out lines). As I was setting down the dog food bag, the express cashier sauntered back to her register and motioned that she could now ring up my purchase. So, I moved back over three registers and paid for the dog food. Knowing that carrying an un-bagged item out of the store would surely get me stopped, I made sure my receipt was handy so I could show proof of payment.

With the dog food under my arm, I proceeded the few steps to customer service and got in line. It was mayhem. Only one person was actually working even though there were three perfectly good customer service stations at the counter. But I guess the other employee who was wandering aimlessly back and forth behind the girl who was ~~doing time~~ working couldn't see the other two stations because they were covered with returned crap. Who returns flour? and soup? I waited. The first trickle of sweat occurred when a woman and her two young children started feeding bags of loose change into the coin counter machine. The children didn't fully understand the process and started screaming as mommy dumped all the shiny money into the hopper. When the woman in front of me finished her transaction, which took an inordinate amount of time because she swore she had the receipts yet couldn't produce them, I retrieved my order confirmation and got my driver's license handy. I stepped up to the counter and politely announced, "I'm here to pick up an online order." Pause. The cashier decided it was time to shift the returned sacks of flour and cans of soup. She looked at me with full eye contact and told me that pickups were at the back of the store. I pointed to my confirmation that clearly indicated that I pick up my item at CUSTOMER SERVICE and told her what was stated on said confirmation. She continued to shuffle flour and soup. Through clenched teeth I spat, "I. Hate. Walmart.", snatched up the dog food, spun around and proceeded to trudge to the back of the store. Deja Vu.

That's when the full force of the "thing" I have about Walmart hit me. My hands started to shake, and I'm pretty sure I was panting too. Then I started to sweat. It was a drenching panic sweat. By the time I reached the back of the store (again) I was soaking wet. This is the worst "thing" I have ever had. I kept muttering my mantra, "I hate Walmart", under my breath as I located the online pickup customer service desk. I was third in line.

I really couldn't tell who was was currently being helped so I just stood there and willed myself to quit sweating. It didn't work, and my stress over the panic sweat seemed to be making it worse. Distraction might help, so I studied my fellow Walmart shoppers. The man directly in front of me was trying to figure out how to get a pack of diapers, diaper bag, diaper pail, wipes and an entire freaking CRIB in his cart. Had I not been worried about leaving a sweat puddle on the floor I probably would have been more amused by his unsuccessful grasp of spacial relationships. The woman in front of crib guy was looking through recently developed photographs with her boyfriend, Sasquatch. They had 8 envelopes of photos and she was only going to pay for the photographs she wanted. Oh joy. As they stood at the counter, perused and discussed their photos and as dude with the crib tried to rearrange his cart one more time, the cashier at the CUSTOMER SERVICE desk didn't have the notion to wait on the soaking wet woman holding a large bag of dog food.

Girl friend and sasquatch finally decided upon 15 photographs...out of all the 8 envelopes. The cashier was stumped. She couldn't figure out how to ring up just 15 photographs so she had to call for help. More sweating. My hair was getting wet. Once the photo order was totalled, girl friend and sasquatch had to dig through their pockets for enough change to pay for the photos. Crib guy was still rearranging his cart as the photographers left, and I looked at him expectantly like, "it's your turn dude, chop chop!" Come to find out he had already been helped, he just hadn't relinquished his place in line. I sidestepped the cart and two large crib boxes and announced, for the second time, that I was here to pick up an online order. The employee who had come to rescue earlier took my name and disappeared through the double doors. The cashier asked for my name and I said, "Lannan. L-A-N-N-A-N." From years of experience I know that I need to spell my name for people so they don't replace the last A with an O. She looked at me quizzically and asked, "Is that your first name?" Hmm. I haven't been asked that one before. "No, it's my last name. L - A - N - N - A - N." Five times. That's how many times I had to spell my LAST name for her. Breathe. Wipe away the sweat. The final time was nothing short of a growl. L.........A...........N...........N...........A...........N. I even scared myself. The employee who disappeared through the double doors reappeared...empty handed. "No, we don't have anything back there, what are you picking up?" Again, I wiped at the sweat rolling down my face, pointed to the now rather damp and crumpled confirmation and told him it was a griddle I had ordered just this morning. "Oh, a pick-up-today. That's in a different location." I nearly lost control of all bodily functions and then he walked back through the double doors. Wait. He wasn't telling me that I needed to go to another location, he was the one who needed to go to a different location. Breathe. The cashier finally entered my name correctly and was able to print my receipt. I signed for the item as it was bagged and handed to me.

With both receipts in one hand, car keys in the other (with my thumb already on the unlock button), and dog food and griddle under each arm, I made my way back to the front of the store making sure to totally bypass the free BP screening table. As much as I tried not to make eye contact, I did notice that I got several questioning looks. Seriously,I was soaking wet with sweat stains under my arms and down my back, my bangs were stuck to my forehead, and sweat was rolling down my face and arms. Had I been the one monitoring the security cameras for Walmart at that particular moment, I would have been watching me very closely. I got to the exit without being approached by Walmart security and presented my two folded up, very wet receipts to the woman guarding the door. She took them, didn't unfold them and only glanced at the back of first receipt. She handed them back and motioned for me to proceed out the door. Really? This is how a couple successfully walked out of a Walmart last week with a $500 computer, which they didn't pay for, in their cart. The authorities called it theft. I call it stupidity and carelessness on Walmart's part. Be that as it may...I made it. I nearly broke into a run., but the dog food was weighing me down. Once I was in the sanctuary of my car, I turned the A/C on full blast and waited for the panting, shaking and sweating to subside. I was a complete mess. All this for a stinking bag of dog food and an electric griddle.

After a glass of wine, another shower, and fresh (dry) clothes, I proceeded to my friend's party. She received a lot of nice gifts to go with the griddle--coffee maker, vacuum, dishes and a folding lug wrench.

The One About Pestilence

2011-05-14T21:06:00.002-05:00

Cicadas.

The brood has emerged.

It started (at my house anyway) about 6 days ago. I figured something was amiss when my dog wouldn't come in the house after nearly an hour. She's a "take care of business as quickly as possible and go back in the house for a treat" kind of dog. So when she wouldn't come in the other night, I thought she was just trying to get The Mole. When I went out to coax her inside, she was frantically nosing about the grass while chewing. Yes, freshly emerged cicada larvae. So so nasty.

There is such a thing as too many cicadas, just like there can be too much of a good thing. If a dog eats too many (of anything), nature takes over and assists the dog in getting rid of whatever it is there is too much of. Nature usually prefers that this happen on a rug. Again...so so nasty.

For those of you unfamiliar with the nasty little red-eyed buggers, they emerge every 13 years. Seriously. I can't make this up, and it is as nasty and disgusting as it sounds. They come out of the ground in a more or less larval-looking stage. They move pretty slowly, hence the ability of a household pet to easily over indulge. The larvae that are lucky enough to be spared the digestive tract of my dog, climb up trees, walls, telephone poles, plants, anything vertical and shed this brown crusty looking shell. I think it's called an exoskeleton. I call it disgusting. The newly emerged cicadas hang out for a while on the tree, pole, house, whatever, until the time suits them and they start screeching and flying about. Then they eat. I guess they eat leaves and such, but they're not like locusts that decimate all vegetation. (The only good thing about this whole cicada business.) So after they get done eating, they mate. Yahoo. I pray to God that I never witness this act because I'm sure that after 13 years underground it's rather frantic. Can you imagine? When the mating is over they ladies chew little nests into small tree branches and lay their eggs. Then she dies, but I'm not sure when the dude dies. I'm not curious enough to look it up. Baby cicada nymphs hatch. They fall from the tree branches and burrow into the ground and wait for another 13 years.

This is "freak of nature" type of stuff. My yard is covered with literally THOUSANDS of nasty brown shells, which means my dog hasn't put a dent in the cicada population. She doesn't much like the mature cicadas because they buzz when she puts them in her mouth. Really. Gag.

Oh, and I haven't really discussed the noise they make when they are all worked up. I can only guess this is the mating call. It sounds like someone recorded a lawn mower, weed whacker, chainsaw, blower and ambulance then upped the volume by 428% and played it back at a higher speed so the pitch is somewhere near highly annoying and deafening.

Did I mention that this whole cicada cycle lasts for 3 to 4 weeks?

The one about April showers

2011-04-04T19:34:00.000-05:00

Here I sit...next to a terrified dog in a house with no electricity. I am writting this with my thunbs because the only internet acceess I have is via my cell phone. Yes folks, I am that bored!

Today`s storms knocked down trees and caused a power outage for about 70,000 NES customers...me being one of them.

Too dark to knit. Too dark to do much of anything. Surfing the web on a phone is hardly worth the effort. May I`ll plat solitaire on my laptop until the battery runs out.

Wow. This is living!

p.s. hope all my middle TN buddies are safe and damage free!

The One About SPRING

2011-03-25T14:25:00.005-05:00

What the @#*$&^!

I had to scrape the windshield this morning, a task I find seriously offensive when undertaken in the season commonly referred to as SPRING. And especially when a furry little groundhog said that SPRING would arrive early. Stupid, lying, evil rodent.

Did you know that Walgreens does not stock gloves in SPRING? Why I know this... Zack had a ballgame last night. Unlike last week which was "glorious weather for baseball" and not SPRING, last night sucked out loud. It was about 45 and windy. My gloves were AWOL so I stopped by Walgreens hoping to find a pair on clearance. Nope. Sunglasses, sunscreen and flipflops. Items one needs for SPRING.

My next car will have heated seats. A certain part of my anatomy ~~my ass~~ didn't thaw completely until 3:47am. Yes, must have heated seats.

Remind me about this in July when a certain part of my anatomy ~~my ass~~ is melting.

Did I mention that Zack plays tonight? Have you looked out the window?

Current temp: 45

All the shiny areas are wet. The dark spots in the sky are rain drops on the window. Dare I ask if it could it suck more?

The One About Spring Break

2011-03-20T14:27:00.013-05:00

Before I continue let me make one thing perfectly clear--this post is NOT about wet t-shirt contests, body shots and beer bongs (not that I would know about those things). I had to clarify, mainly because I get a kick out of imaging what people will think when they land on my site thinking they're going to get much needed info on the finer points of a wet t-shirt. (Ha!) Sorry if I disappointed anyone, but you spend spring break your way and I'll spend it mine.

Baseball. The high school season officially started and Hume-Fogg played two games last week. Glorious weather for baseball!

Prom. This took me by surprise! I got a text message from Zack earlier in the week that said "going 2 prom. need tux." You can only imagine the barrage of questions I laid on that poor kid, but I couldn't help it! The abbreviated version: they're friends, she's been waiting for him to ask, he took too long to ask, so her friend told him to ask, he asked, she said yes. It's in 2 weeks.

Employment. Another big surprise. A friend told me that her son-in-law was hiring concession workers for Nashville Sounds games. Zack stopped by the Sounds' office, talked to the concession manager, got hired on the spot. A pretty good deal for a kid who can't get enough baseball.

Campus visit. Zack went on his first campus visit at Tennessee Tech. We got a full tour of the campus, talked to one of the baseball coaches, and got to see a baseball game. Western Kentucky is next.

Fiber. Yes, I saved the good stuff for last. I have been dyeing fiber all week trying to get ready for the Middle Tennessee Fiber Festival (in Dickson over Memorial Day weekend). I've got a booth this year and I'm teaching two knitting classes. I can't help but wonder what the hell I was thinking committing to both. I believe my booth will be in the Greer building.

The week began with silk hankies. This stack took 3 evenings. I have another couple pounds on order. Hankies (or mawata) are a blast to spin, or you can knit the roving as is. (See how to on Knitty.) I'm working on a simple wrist warmer pattern to go with the hankies. Come to the Fiber Festival and I'll have some samples so you can try spinning or knitting with them.

Yesterday and today it was all about sock yarn. My hands are totally destroyed. I wear rubber gloves, but I always end up with multi-colored finger nails. It looks like a took a hammer to my pinky finger...such a lovely shade of purple-ish black. Luckily, the weather this weekend was GORGEOUS so I was able to do all my color mixing, dripping and spilling outside. I enjoy dyeing outside because the messier I am the better the colors come out. The light is better also.

Oh, so I mentioned that I'm going to teach classes, but I neglected to elaborate. I don't know which class will be taught when, but I do know that one will be Friday afternoon and the other is Saturday morning. I'm teaching the 2-color brioche stitch scarf (same class I taught at Haus of Yarn) and a workshop exploring different ways to cast on. I'm looking forward to teaching both!

Hope to see you at the Festival!

The One About Being Sick...Again

2011-02-18T17:41:00.003-06:00

We're into the second month of the year and I'm suffering my second cold of the season. I'm two for two and I don't like this trend. I'm calling my disease M2C2 (Month 2, Cold 2).

An unfortunate aspect of being sick is watching daytime TV. Let me ask this...who watches soap operas anymore? I mean, seriously. Before I begin my rant, I need to confess that I watched "The Bold and the Beautiful" for about 15 minutes today. It was the first time I've watched in probably 20 years. I think I'm caught up but I have a few questions...when did Victoria Newman ("The Young and the Restless") change her name to Katie Logan and aren't Victor and Nikki upset with her shenanigans with Brad Carleton? Maybe I'm not as caught up as I thought I was. But really, who watches this crap? Daytime television pretty much sucks...not like evening television is much better. I actually had to go cold turkey on the do-it-yourself daytime shows on HGTV. "Hi, I'm Chris, and I really screwed up my garage door because it looked so easy when the guy on on HGTV fixed his."

Because of this M2C2, I'm missing a retreat this weekend with the ladies from my Prayer Shawl Ministry group at church. As I type they are driving to our church camp at NaCoMe on the other side of Centerville. It's a great spot for a retreat and I really hate that I'm missing it. We've only been talking about this for several years, and now the time comes and I'm @#(*$& sick!

Which brings up another question...can one have "conditional" Tourettes Syndrome? For example, on any given day I might mutter an harmless epithet here or there. However, when I'm sick my language goes into the toilet ~~shitter~~. After a coughing fit, it's not uncommon for me describe exactly how much it @#*$&^ hurt. Or where's the #g$*(%d&~ kleenex? Same thing when I describe how #$(*$&%#=ing congested I am. And I would be remiss if I didn't mention how $*&@(!!*^! wonderful ~~stoned~~ that cough medicine makes me feel.

Maybe I have DIY Tourettes also...hmm.

Mark my words...I will NOT contract M3C3! This being sick is getting really $*(%&@! annoying.

The One About the Presbyterians

2011-02-14T21:33:00.003-06:00

On a recent trip to visit my parents, Zack and I stopped by Jim's Steakhouse on 5th Avenue in Huntington, WV, for a quick lunch. Jim's is pretty quirky and a favorite of the locals. They have the best crushed ice ever, not too slushy, not too firm. After lunch, we decided to visit my mom at her office. She works at the Methodist church just a few blocks down from Jim's. 5th has more than its fair share of churches, and as we were driving down the street we drove right past the Presbyterian church. Zack asked why we weren't turning into the parking lot. (Zack and I are Presbyterian.) I said, "Your grandmother works for the Methodists." His response, "Do the Presbyterians know about that?"

Snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow

2011-02-09T20:10:00.005-06:00

Snowmageddon
Snowpocalypse
Snowtastrophe
Snowmongous
Snowpendous
Snownormous
Snowgantic
Snowmendous
Snowgantuan
Snowmmodious
Snowumental
Snowmense
Snowlocaust

It's not pretty anymore, and it's making me cranky. I think I'll make myself a gin and tonic, turn the thermostat up to 84 and bitch about the heat.

The One About the Faucet

2011-02-07T21:34:00.009-06:00

I arrived home that Friday night looking forward to relaxing in front of a mind-numbing television show while working on a knitting project, or perhaps doing a bit of spinning. After walking into the house and tossing my crap on the counter, I gave Sophie a fresh bowl of water.

Turn faucet on, fill dog bowl, turn water off, put dog bowl back in its place, notice water is still running. Well...that's not supposed to happen.

I turned the water on and off again. Still running. On and off. Still running. Shit. The plan I had for a mind-numbing Friday night was quickly escaping my grasp. The only logical thing to do at that point was to go under the sink and turn the water off that way, which meant moving the garbage can and all that weird stuff that accumulates under the sink. Three bottles of Windex. Really? (This is even funnier if you could see my windows. Smudged is the new clear.)

I turned off the water and attacked the faucet. I'm not afraid of simple home repairs and I've tackled faucets before. I took the faucet handle off and broke the little blue/red plastic thing that covered the screw. Well, crap, but I'll just buy a new dang faucet and start from scratch. It can't be much harder than fixing the 16-year-old faucet that won't turn off, right? Ha.

I walked into Home Depot and ventured into faucet aisle. Good Lord! Have you looked at faucets lately? It's been 16 years since I've been in the market and I suffered a bit of sticker shock. I really wanted one of those faucet/sprayer combo deals with a magnet that holds the sprayer in place and maybe one I just need to touch to turn on....but $300? Think again. I selected a modest Price Pfister for $80, very similar to the one I had but with a bit higher profile (so I can fill large dye-pots easier.)

It wasn't even 6:30 when I got home, so maybe the mind-numbing night was not all lost. (Think again, my friend!) The cabinet under the sink is a bad nasty place. It's dark. It smells kind of weird. Armed with a flashlight, a pair of pliers, a pair of channel locks and basic common sense, I wriggle myself quite gracefully into the cabinet while lying on my back. I should have added goggles and a rain bonnet to my arsenal. Oh, that crazy hindsight.

After a bit of PG-13 cussing, I was able to remove the old faucet. It gave up rather easily and the only broken piece was some plastic thingy that held the sprayer hose onto the faucet. It didn't look that important. When I pulled the new faucet out of the package the first thing I noticed was the lack of copper and brass. Hmm. My old faucet weighed about as much as a boat anchor. This new faucet was a light-weight. Literally. But it was a Price Pfister and all my other pfaucets are that brand. Not to worry.

I threaded the water lines through the appropriate holes and fastened the faucet to the sink. I chucked the old water lines into the trash because they were no longer needed. I connected the sprayer hose to the faucet, connected the water lines and slowly turned on the water. No drips. This was a good sign.

I unwriggled out from under the cabinet and heaved my butt off the floor. I carefully turned on the water and voila! It worked! Cold water was cold. Hot water was hot. Good pressure. Nice flow. I turned the faucet off, silently congratulating myself on a job well done and the damn thing dripped. WHAT!? Turn water on, turn water off. Drip. On. Off. Drip. DAMMIT!

Really.

It's kind of like knitting an elaborately cabled sweater sleeve and getting done only to notice that the FIRST cable all the way down by the cuff was a cable back instead of a cable front. Words aren't strong enough. Don't ask me how I know.

I said something like "screw it" and went out for Thai. When I returned home the faucet was still dripping. I went to bed.

Saturday morning, while laying in bed, I decided that the new faucet was going back and I was going to repair the old faucet. I dressed and went to Lowe's for faucet parts. It was too soon to return to Home Depot. I'm funny like that. $20 later, I returned home with a cartridge kit, a sprayer assembly, some black round things and a couple little springs. After a bit of online research I was able to reconstruct my old faucet with the replacement parts. I was ready.

I wriggled under the cabinet. Again. I removed the faucet. Again. I threaded the old faucet through the holes and fastened it to the sink. Again. I dug the discarded water lines out of the garbage and reconnected the sink to the water. I turned on the water. Not good. Water was coming out of the faucet, spraying all over the kitchen. Shit. Shit. Shit. I got my butt off the floor (pretty quickly this time) and tried to turn off the faucet. I hadn't put the handle on the faucet before I installed it so I had to move the little metal lever to turn it off. I installed the faucet backwards. Pushing the handle to the front was actually turning it on. Seriously. Backwards.

I wriggled under the cabinet. Again. I removed the faucet. Again. I flipped the dang thing around, checked to make sure all the connections were nice and snug. Again. I turned on the water. Again. This time water sprayed throughout the inside of the cabinet, thoroughly soaking me. This is where the shower bonnet and goggles would have been good to have. I turned off the water and indulged in R-rated cussing. A lot of it.

I mean, really?

As I removed the water lines from the faucet, I spewed forth with a steady flow of really bad words, in several languages. Who knew I was multi-lingual? Sure enough, after all the connecting and unconnecting the gaskets in the water lines were shot. I went to Ace. Too soon to return to Lowes and I was still ticked about the pfaucet from Home Depot. I tried to find a 64-cent gasket for the line, but they don't sell just the stinkin' damn gasket. You have to buy the entire freakin' $8.99 water line. Really? Yes, really.

I got home, crawled under the sink one last GD time and reconnected the water lines. With great hesitancy and trepidation, I turned on the water. No drip. No spray. I heaved my weary ass off the floor and turned on the old, repaired faucet and voila! It worked! Cold water was cold. Hot water was hot. Good pressure. Nice flow. I turned the faucet off, silently congratulating myself on a job well done and the damn thing dripped.

I shit you not.

But I can live with it.

Short and sweet

2010-12-14T19:09:00.007-06:00

Just a few photos today.

Sophie on Sunday. She was posing so nicely then a snowflake caught her eye. (Some of you will find humor in that statement...)

My house Sunday night during the snow

This is a recent repair job that I did for a Haus of Yarn customer. I was very pleased with how this came out. I think she snagged the shawl on something. The angora was broken in two places. She didn't have any spare yarn, but the shawl had fringe! I took a couple lengths from the fringe and re-knit the hole. I think the customer will be pleased.

Before:
After:
(I only kept the yarn tail so you could see the patch location)

I lightly needle-felted the ends in place so you can't even see where the new yarn was woven in. I was able to camoflage it in the darker pink mohair. Thank goodness for fuzzy natural fiber! The stitches are a bit thicker where I had to overlap, but it's hardly noticable.

We're gearing up for what could be a "significant ice storm" tomorrow and Thursday. Have no fear!

Bread? - check!
Milk? - check!
Toilet paper? - check!
Wine? - oh...CRAP!

Time to fear!!

The Plague Forecast

2010-12-11T09:52:00.006-06:00

It seems that the White Death is on track to hit middle Tennessee sometime around midnight. Great. As if the stores aren't crazy enough with all the Christmas shoppers.

For those of you who haven't heard, Davis Kidd Booksellers is going out of business. They started their clearance sale and last night most everything was 30% off. As time goes on the discounts will get deeper...as will the crowds. I went last night and spent more time trying to find a parking space than I did in the store.

On to a brief knitting update. I've been knitting A LOT! I finished up a pair of fetching handwarmers for a good friend, but I forgot to take a photo. Drat! (We're going out to dinner tonight so I'll try to get some actions shots.) The yarn I used was quite surprising. I wanted them to be black with a hint of sparkle, soft, machine washable. This was PERFECT! Plus it was only a couple bucks a skein. The skein is 3 ounces and I have 1.15 ounces left. Not quite enough for two pair per skein.

Caron Simply Soft Party

I have more photos to post but I need to get moving with wrapping gifts, trip to the post office, finish Christmas cards, start baking, etc. 'Tis the season!

Caring Bridge

2010-12-10T13:33:00.002-06:00

Caring Bridge is a website where people who need support due to cancer, premature birth, injury or other significant health challenge can stay connected with loved ones. When my dad was diagnosed with a rare form of appendix cancer, he created his own Caring Bridge site to keep everyone in the loop. Last month he spent nearly 2 weeks at the UPMC Shadyside Hospital in Pittsburgh for a pretty radical surgical/chemo procedure. This last trip he is referring to was the followup visit.

This is his most recent journal entry. It speaks for itself.

Thursday, December 9, 2010 8:58 PM, EST

We are home again, this time from P'burgh. Great news on the pathology report. All tumors were of the low grade, some even at the lowest of the low. So this means that research tells them I have a 90% chance of survival at 10 years!! The other news is we may not need chemo for now.
As for the UTI it realy took me down and now I am working to recover from that.
Thanks for all those prayers...don't stop. Bob & Mary

Pittsburgh - Tuesday

2010-11-16T09:46:00.003-06:00

Just a quick update from UPMC.
Everything is going well! My dad is still in surgery and the doctor just called with hourly update and everything is going really well. More later!

Thanks for all your prayers!

Zack Lannan Outfield Throw 11/7/10 AllAmerican Foundation.co

2010-11-11T13:52:00.000-06:00

February in September

2010-09-30T20:14:00.010-05:00

It was finally cool enough to wear my recently finished February Lady Cardigan. Great pattern + great yarn = FAB-U-LOUS!

I purchased the yarn at Knitch in Atlanta at Stitches South 2009. Liana and Martha, my traveling companions for the weekend, wouldn't let me buy any more green yarn, so I chose a heathered lavender. I was a little aprehensive about the color (it's a lot of lavender) but now that's it's finished, I really like it.

The yarn: Stonehenge Fiber Mill Shepherd's Wool. This yarn is wonderful on several levels. First of all, it's a USA product designed and spun in East Jordan, Michigan. The yarn is wonderfully soft--100% Merino wool. Not a bit scratchy when worn next to the skin--very soft and squishy. It's also extremely affordable at about $10-11 per 250-yard skein. The yarn is very smooth and gives great stitch definition.

The pattern: February Lady Sweater by Flint Knits. It's knit from the top down with raglan sleeves. The lace pattern is pretty easy to remember after you get a few rows into it. The only tough part is calculating the eyelet increases, but someone much more "mathy" than myself worked up this awesome calculator. Way too cool! The only thing I'm not particularly happy with is the bind off. It's just too tight. I went up two needle sizes, but it's not as flexible as the garter edge. It bugs me, so I'm going to pull it out and redo. I may use a sewn bind off. I used a Channel Island cast on to add a little interest. However, it's a pretty stretchy cast-on so I ran a row of single crochet along the back of the neck for stabilization.

If you're contemplating knitting the sweater, I suggest you cast on right now! You'll love it!

A LIVESTRONG Day Event

2010-09-29T08:42:00.001-05:00

Celebrate Livestrong Day, October 2nd. Show your support and help fight to improve the lives of people affected by cancer!
A LIVESTRONG Day Event LIVESTRONG Day 2010 LIVESTRONG.org

My dad's story. Please send prayers!

Why I didn't knit at lunch today

2010-09-22T20:58:00.007-05:00

What a day. I need to share, but I have to go back a few days.

Last Thursday I noticed a weird bump on my lower rib cage. I'm not sure how long it has been there because it's not an area I can see easily. I just happened to see my reflection in the mirror (that was a treat...must get rid of mirror) and noticed the bump. Considering the family cancer history, I called the doctor.

Come to find out, my doctor is out on medical leave and will be for some time. I had to get “worked in” with another doctor. The only way to get worked in is to call that morning and get an appointment that day. No scheduling in advance if you want a specific doctor, and I wanted a specific doctor, as in female. I called Friday and no female doctors were available. Called Monday, same thing. Called Tuesday, same thing, but the nurse took pity on me and post-dated my call so it would show up in the system as Wednesday morning with an appointment time the same day at 8:30am. So sneaky.

Now we're to today.

I showed up at the doctor's office and she looked at everything, poked, prodded, squeezed, pushed. She couldn't figure it out so she sent me to get a CT scan. I had about an hour to kill between appointments so I drove to Centennial Park to read and drink that indescribable "smoothie" crap you have to drink before a scan. I found a shady spot with a good view of the ducks and geese, opened my book and popped the top off the smoothie. Yuck. Less than a half hour later the lawn crew showed up and started mowing the little piece of lawn I was occupying. Dust and grass was flying everywhere…so I packed up. I could just as easily finish the smoothie in the waiting area of the imaging center.

My car wouldn't start. The battery was dead. Lovely. Ok, fine, I’ll walk. See Walk 1:

View My Day in a larger map

While walking I called a friend who works nearby and asked her if I could buy her a Thai lunch if she'd come rescue me. We met at Royal Thai (see Walk 2). It was 96 degrees, I was in heels and a lightweight cashmere shell. It's not supposed to be 96 degrees and I'm supposed to be able to wear transitional sweaters in September. Have I mentioned I walked 1.18 miles total? I was hot and pissed, but I looked nice.

We went back to deal with the car. I was pretty sure about where I left it, but I didn't see it there. Oh how lovely. Could it have gotten towed? Stolen? We turned around and then I saw the car. Whew! It was blocked from view by a big handicap accessible bus. Then came the trick of wriggling Becky's monsterous F150 into jumping position. The F150, close friends call her Eddie, is big boned and it was no easy feat to jockey her into position. We popped the hood and the freaking battery was on the wrong side. Seriously. So she had to drive around in the grass (newly mowed, I might add) to get to a spot where the cables would reach. The folks on the handicapped accessible bus were just watching us with a strange sort of dazed curiousity. It only added to the weirdness.

I popped the hood on my car and as I walked around to open it up, I stepped over a curb and into a muddy, goose-crap filled hole. Down I went, lacking all grace and poise. Grass stains on my slacks, dirt, mud and who knows what else in my shoe, hurt my wrist, injured my pride. I swore. Loudly. The dazed and curious were still watching and it was still weird.

At this point, a Nice Man came by to help us. This was after SEVERAL had walked by doing their best to ignore two women in nice work clothes wielding jumper cables. In a snap, he got the car started. I thanked him profusely and then the bus driver asked to borrow the cables and Becky’s truck because he too had a dead battery from using the wheelchair lift while the engine wasn’t running. Really. Well that explains why there was a guy in a wheelchair half-way up the lift.

The Nice Man jump started the bus. The wheelchair lift continued its ascent. The Nice Man was thanked by all involved. Everyone went about their business.

While all this was going on my doctor was trying to call. Everything is normal, nothing looks bad/cancerous/suspicious, it’s just a build-up of tissue. Nothing to worry about. And all this before 1pm. Whew!

Next Wednesday I'm going to knit instead.

Shameless Plug

2010-09-07T20:38:00.007-05:00

I taught my first knitting class of the season tonight--a garterlac spa cloth. Did you miss the class? Well, dry those tears and stop the pity party! I'll be teaching it again in next month at Haus of Yarn. Check out the schedule for more knitting and learning opportunities.

Wouldn't these make a great Christmas gift paired with a bar of hand crafted soap?

I'm also teaching a tiny Christmas sock. These little guys are just adorable and can be easily knit up in an evening. If you've never knit a sock and want to give it a go, sign up for this class and you'll be turning a heel before you know it.

Here's a complete list of all my classes for the fall:

Some Assembly Required
Experience: Must be able to knit, purl, cast on, bind off, follow a simple pattern
Quick and painless finishing techniques! Invisible side and shoulder seams, picking up stitches for button bands and necklines, button holes, weaving in ends. If you have a finishing problem, bring your project and we’ll figure it out.
Materials: Swatch yarns in worsted weight preferably wool or wool blend, 24” or longer circular needle 2 sizes smaller than the needles used for swatches, tapestry needle, scissors
Homework required (instructions will be given when student signs-up)
Class Cost: $45 for two 2-hour sessions
Scheduled Dates:
Monday September 13, 20 time: 5:30 - 7:30pm
Saturday October 30 time: 4:00 – 7:30pm

Great Beginnings (Ways to Cast On)
Experience: Must be able to knit and purl
Expand your knitting repertoire with more ways to cast on! We’ll explore knitted and cable cast-on, continental or “long-tail” cast-on, Norwegian cast-on, tubular (extra stretchy) cast-on, decorative Channel Island cast-on, crochet chain provisional cast-on.
Materials: Two or three contrasting colors of worsted weight wool or wool blend yarn in light, solid colors. Straight or circular needles and crochet hook in size appropriate for yarn. Additional needles in various sizes (slightly smaller or larger) may be helpful for experimenting.
Class Cost: $25 for 1 two-hour session
Scheduled Dates:
Monday September 27 time: 5:30 - 7:30pm
Monday October 11 time: 5:30 - 7:30pm
Monday November 8 time: 5:30 – 7:30pm

Garterlac Spa Cloth
Experience: cast on, knit and purl
Entrelac simplified! Learn the basics of entrelac while making a cotton spa cloth.
Materials: Cotton yarn *(we recommend Mission Falls 1824 cotton), appropriate needles.
Class cost: $25 for 1 two-hour class
Scheduled Dates:
Tuesday September 7 time: 5:30 – 7:30pm
Monday October 4 time: 5:30 – 7:30pm
Saturday November 6 time: 4:00 – 6:00pm
Tuesday December 7 time: 5:30 – 7:30pm

Tiny Christmas Sock
Experience: Knit and purl
Make a super cute tiny sock, perfect for a Christmas ornament or gift tag. Very simple construction makes this class a good introduction to sock knitting without committing to a large project.
Materials: DK yarn and DPNs, stitch marker
Class cost: $30 for 1 three-hour session
Scheduled Dates:
Sunday November 14 time: 1:00 – 4:00pm
Saturday December 4 time: 4:00 – 7:00pm

Call Haus of Yarn to sign up! 615-354-1007

I Present the Domestic Goddess

2010-09-06T18:42:00.011-05:00

This afternoon I sacrificed some precious knitting/spinning time and dusted off the canning equipment. Yes, canning. As in glass jars, lids, big pot of boiling water...and a basket of peaches. The outcome? Peach marmalade, and it's tasty (if I do say so myself.)

We spent this past long weekend at a fishing camp in Kentucky. As is typically the tradition over a holiday weekend, we made peach ice cream. I don't know what I was thinking, but I bought an entire basket of peaches from the Farmer's Market. We used some for the ice cream, ate about as much as we could stand and the rest turned into marmalade. I had to work fast before the fruit flies smelled the heavenly ripeness.

Isn't it pretty?

The fish camp is in the middle of nowhere. Literally. There is nothing else around. To get there we had to take the Turkey Neck Bend Ferry across the Cumberland River. That was pretty cool.

This is the view of the cabin from the boat launch. It's a cozy 2-bedroom cabin with a great view of the river.

We did a lot of fishing, but no catching

The view from the porch this morning.

What a great place to relax! We will definitely go back.

How I Spent My Summer - The Cliffs Notes

2010-08-28T08:14:00.005-05:00

Did I have a busy summer? You might say that.

A synopsis:

The week before Memorial Day the ducts under the house were replaced and the air conditioning was reconnected. School got out. Finished one Ty-Dy Wool sock, cast on sock number 2. Baseball tournament Memorial Day weekend. Zack hurt his elbow pitching, 6 weeks of physical therapy. Trip to Cincinnati for a baseball tournament and a Reds game. Good knitting time for sock #2. Trip to Lexington for another baseball tournament. We got to visit with my parents and nephews while we were there. Ate at Joe Bologna's and played Apples to Apples (highly recommend both). Worked on sock #2 until I realized I screwed up the divide for the heel flap and it didn't match sock #1. Balled it up, said some choice words and pitched it in the knitting bag (knowing full well it's my fault for knitting without a pattern or notes.) Tried a toe up sock and hated it. I harrassed Zack about summer reading. I bought a new washer and dryer! We wondered how a summer that started with so much rain could be so dry. Then the heat kicked in and we endured 100 degree days. I spun some Blue Faced Leicester (BFL) fiber on the CPW--lovely! The February Lady cardigan came back out of hiding and I finished it. Spent some time at Kentucky Lake with Randy. School started back up. Zack found out he and several other classmates were given the wrong summer reading assignment. I worked out my teaching schedule at Haus of Yarn. I've worked on maybe a dozen finishing projects for them over the summer, and I'm getting repeat clients! I cast on the Annette and Liesl cardigans (got to have a sweater on the needles.) Knit up a bunch of tiny Christmas socks for the class I'm teaching. Went to Hamfest in Huntsville and found out that "Hams do it until their gigahertz". Bought Zack a Nissan Pathfinder (it's nearly as old as he is), he'll be 16 in a few. We're getting ready for Labor Day weekend on the Cumberland River with my parents. I have 4 more finishing projects in the hopper plus a refurb project for my mom.

So, there you have it--more or less. Thinking back over the summer, this is probably the first Saturday morning since mid-May that I haven't been out of town or had to be somewhere. It's lovely!

I know you're thinking, "Gee Chris, all that blah blah blah about your summer is fine and well, but move on! What about yarn shops? What about knitting?" I was able to get sneak away from the tournaments and visit a few yarn shops.

Cincinnati:
Lambikins Hideaway - About 10 miles out of Cinci in Hamilton. Neat old building, but the lighting could be better. They also have fabric upstairs.
Yarns and Fabrications - Huge and bright with a great selection. Lots of Habu yarn, which not a lot of shops carry. Quite friendly too.

Lexington:
ReBelle Girls: This is located in the middle of the UK campus. The coolest thing about this shop was that they carried a TON of fair trade merchandise, bags, key chains, jewelry, etc. I got the cutest project bag for $10.
Magpie Yarn: Very lovely shop, (website doesn't do it justice) but a little tricky to find. If I lived in Lexington I would knit here regularly!

Huntsville:
Yarn Expressions: Every time I'm in Huntsville I stop by this shop. Great selection, nice and bright. She also carries some spinning supplies.

That pretty much gets us caught up. I'll post photos of February Lady and my finishing projects in the coming days....and will try not to let three months go by before I post again. I am so ashamed! But please know that I'm glad you came back to visit. Talk to you soon!

Another Rainy Sunday

2010-05-16T08:54:00.003-05:00

I awoke to the sound of rain. Lovely.

For the record, I'm sick of rain. I'm sick of humidty. I'm sick of everything being damp.

Update on the car: it is ok! Toyota gave it a clean bill of health after they ran a full diagnostic on the electrical system and computers, upgraded the computer software (who knew), cleaned the fuel injector, and replaced the steering shaft (not flood related and totally under warranty). The electrical silliness has not been explained, nor has it happened since. Weird.

The insurance adjuster is scheduled to be here tomorrow morning. Maybe I'll be able to get some movement on cleaning up the mess. I had to pull up the carpet on the garage steps yesterday because it was beginning to mold. I can only imagine what my ducts look like. Gross. We've been without AC for two weeks now. NOTHING in this house is dry. I contemplated a dehumidifier, but with the windows open what good will that do?

Task for today: create a full inventory of everything in the garage that was damaged by the flood, complete with photos, date of purchase, purchase price, model number and replacement cost. Sounds fun, huh?

Crap crap and more crap!

2010-05-11T22:44:00.004-05:00

I just went to roll the windows up on my car, you know, those fancy electric kind. As I was holding the levers to roll the front windows up, the back passenger window went down. I don't think it's supposed to do that.

The FEMA agent told me that water damage to a car may not be apparent right away. This might be a sign.

And the AC unit is probably toast. It's supposed to be in the 90s tomorrow.

CRAP!

I need to go fondle my stash....

(Thank God I have a stash to fondle!)