Knocking on Wood

In closing.

2010-03-22T23:09:00.002-04:00

For those of you still subscribed to this feed, I am closing this blog to comments because of the high amount of spam on legacy posts. My new blog can be found at http://www.thomasdwood.com

I'm leaving the posts up because some of them (ok, one of them) might have some information someone might find relevant someday. However it has become impossible to moderate the spam and I'm sick of getting the emails. Come find me at my new blog if you're still interested!

I don't really know what to do with this right now...

2008-02-14T03:04:00.002-05:00

But there is a DCPD police car outside my trailer. The engine is on. The headlights are off. Inside an office is in the front seat, seatback all the way down, and he is sleeping. He is in uniform, clearly on duty, in Brookland (not the safest area of DC), and he is sleeping. I don't know if he is working with Campus Police to help secure campus and that's why he's here (if so, then he is just taking a page out of Campus Police's book, because they sleep in their posts all the time) or if he came into campus because he knew other officers wouldn't find him here and he could catch some shut eye. Either way, it is awful.
He just sped away, tires squealing. I guess he got a call that someone was committing a crime somewhere. Perhaps near somewhere he was supposed to be patrolling while he was asleep. I wonder how many other officers of the law blatantly ignore their pledge to serve and protect and would rather be paid to sleep in their cars.
I don't even know what to do with this information so I guess bitching on the internet is as good as anything.

Lego Docking Station

2008-02-11T00:47:00.000-05:00

So, I bought these Legos back in the summer to make this, but I didn't do it until tonight. Remember that the project was put on hold for a while when I build that scale model of the set for the theatre company I worked for out of the Legos. Then I started school and got pretty well distracted. But I've got it in a somewhat completed state now so... This is the first stage of the project. This was the cradles for the ipod and my phone.

Thats the project as it sits now. I'm low on legos (they are much more expensive than I thought). The next step would have been to add a box on the bottom for the cords, where they would plug into a small power strip. The wire of that would come out the back of the box like they do out the back of the cradles.

When I need to pack the chargers up to go on vacation the bottom of the cradles easily comes off.

The Ipod one I just have to remove this bottom brick.

The Cellphone one needs the removal of three smaller bricks.

The chargers come up through little paths one brick wide missing in the solid structure of the bottom block and allows the devices to rest along the back wall.

So, that's it. The realization of an idea I had last summer. Unfortunately I originally conceived of using old Legos that I already had lying around, only to find out my parents sold them. If I had those I'd have had ample Legos to finish this (not to mention I wouldn't have to have the girly Lego man with the flower shirt, I could have had, like, skeletons or Storm Trooper lego men guarding it... I'm a dork) Oh well. This is a fun little project if you have a ton of old Legos lying around. If not, I don't think I have enough to make another cradle and I bought $50 of Legos. I'll keep this for now, but I'm still in search of a better DIY docking station. Any other one I come up with clearly will not be as dorky as this, though!

Dinner Project: Weeknight Pepper Steak

2008-01-16T20:38:00.000-05:00

In an attempt to eat things that aren't fast food, I am trying to cook things for myself once a week. This week, the Weeknight Pepper Steak.

Prep Time: 15min Cook Time 12min

1 Package Brown Gravy Mix
3/4 Cup Cold Water
1 Tbsp Soy Sauce
1 Tbsp oil
1 lbd. Boneless Beef Sirloin or flank steak, cut into thin strips
1 Small Onion, cut into thin wedges
1 Medium Green or Red bell pepper, or 1/2 of each, cut into thin strips

Mix Brown Gravy Mis, water, soy sauce, and Ground Red Pepper until well blended.

Heat oil in large skillet on medium-high heat. Add steak; cook and stir 2 min or until no longer pink. Stir in Gravy Mixture, onion and bell pepper.

Bring to boil. Reduce heat to low; simmer 6 to 8 minutes or until sauce is thickened, stirring occasionally. Serve over rice, if desired.

Makes 4 servings.

How did it go?
I went with Flank steak. It tastes great with a little kick. Next time I may add more soy sauce or marinate the steak in it first. Over all, very good.

What it's supposed to look like compared to what it did look like.

Sorry I've been so quiet. Be on the look out for new stuff after I finish comps in Feb!

Because Everyone Deserves a Black Friday?

2007-11-26T03:28:00.000-05:00

A Huge thank you to Amtrak for seriously fucking up the end of an absolutely great week in NY.
Before I start ranting (and really, what is a Blog for if not to rant?), I want to just say that the story I am about to tell sucks doubly because I had such a good time in NY this week. I've had 4 Thanksgivings on Long Island now, 3 Easter Breaks, 3 Winter Breaks, and 1 Summer Break. That sums up my extended stays on the Island since coming to Catholic Fall of '04. And this was the first time I can remember actually having a good time and leaving happy. Why? Maybe it is because I'm generally a more happy person now, or maybe because it really had been so long since the last one, or maybe because I really needed the break. Whatever the reason, I really had a great time. The last thing I expected was to be lying in bed having just gotten home at 3:15am pissed off.
I was on the Amtrak Regional train scheduled for 8:35pm from New York Penn Station to Union Station, DC. I normally take air home but couldn't find a decent price and this train was only $120. An 11:00 train was $99. I should have taken that instead.
The train was listed as "On Time" (whatever the fuck that means) at 7:20 when I arrived in Penn Station. I took a much earlier train because the next train would have got me in only a half hour before and why risk it being late. Ha. That is hilarious now.
At about 8:00 the train was listed as 5 min late. Fine. 5 minutes, not a big deal. Then an announcement comes over the speakers. "Attention Amtrak passengers. Because the 8:15 Vermonter to Washington, DC is severely delayed, we will be honoring your tickets on the Regional train scheduled for 8:35pm." Awesome. Now the train was going to be overcrowded. I was faced with the prospect of possibly standing all the way to DC. Fantastic.
8:20 rolls around and the sign magically shifts from saying my train was 5 min late to 15 minutes late. 15? When did they sneak that extra digit up there? Now I was really unhappy and so were all the passengers of both trains that would be traveling together. So when they finally posted the track at 8:45 everyone was frantically pushing everyone out of the way, throwing elbows. I saw one woman almost take out a child. Serious shit.
I did get a seat and we were on our way sometime around 9:00. Now the train was expected to arrive in Union at about 11:50, giving me about a half hour to catch a metro. Now I only had about 15 minutes of leeway. Not a promising prospect but okay. Many people did not get seats. I felt bad, but not bad enough to give up mine. I managed to get my seat without elbowing some kid in the face.
Trenton NJ. What is that, about 20 minutes into the trip? We delayed there for about half an hour. There was a problem with one of the rear trains they added to accommodate the Vermonter passengers. They shut off power in the train for a while and did some work. It got the all clear but we moved at a slow speed for a while. My chances of catching a metro were officially gone.
I got up to go to the snack car and saw some guy writing a letter addressed to Amtrak expressing his displeasure with the situation. I'm sure his letter only got longer as the night went on.
Willmington, DE. A nice little town from what some people tell me. Home of INGDirect, my favorite bank ever. Also the scene of the hour long delay of my trip, most of which was spent in the dark as they had to shut the power off in the train, because of that same malfunctioning car. We had to wait for someone from the maintenance crew to get there too. We sat in the dark for an hour. My computer was dying. I couldn't see to read at all. I was too frustrated to sleep. I just put the computer into power save mode and listened to my iTunes as my screen saver floated in front of me, only coming out of it to laugh when one frustrated passenger screamed "Just unhook the god damned car!". I was in such shock that one trip could have been so problematic.
Once the good people at Amtrak finally got us moving again we were at a reduced speed that stuck until after Baltimore. They kept announcing that our safety was they're "Number One Concern" which didn't seem to make anyone feel any better, except maybe the people in that last car I guess.
Washington, DC. 2:30am A mad house. The same people throwing elbows in Penn Station were now trying to knock over my bag to get in front of me. Where were they all rushing too now? The taxi depot, as I am sure that at least 50% of the people on that train if not more were totally dependent on Metro to get them home tonight. The line at the taxi depot wrapped around the corner of Union station. Homeless people tried to convince frustrated Amtrak patrons that they could get something to eat at this hour on a Sunday night if they just had a dollar (I don't even think there was a liquor store open). For some reason every taxi seemed to be going to Virginia and nobody on the line was. They never once called out for someone going to CUA, but I heard every other area college as the line slowly moved forward.
It was standing on that line that I realized it: Amtrak and the DC Taxi Drivers Union must be in cahoots. I wonder if that kind of thing happened all weekend, the last train to be able to catch a metro has "problems with a rear car" and so everyone misses the metro and has to take the cabs. Must put DC cab companies into the black.
I'll give it to the guys at the Union Station Taxi Depot, though. They got a ton of people on Taxis and away in just about a half hour (of course, I was at the back of said line because I didn't run and try and hurdle people's bags). By 3:00am I was in a Taxi, headed home. Said taxi charged me $15 from union when from China Town I know it's normally $8, but too tired and frustrated to argue I gave the guy my money and threw my bags down inside. The ordeal was over. The train was a full two and a half hours late, plus the extra half hour waiting for the damn taxi (though that really doesn't count because 75% of those people in that line would have been trying to cram on one of the last two metros so I probably would have waited a full 20-30 minutes anyway).

Oh, and by the way. Technically Metro didn't screw me. But because Metro isn't a better subway system, I still have to give it the win on this one.
Official Metro Games Score

Tom: 1

Metro: 2

You freaking bastards.

Facebook Censorship is a Grave Offence

2007-10-16T01:08:00.000-04:00

This summer, the illustrious JP Walsh created a Facebook group called "The Society for the Salvation of Justin Tuskin from Whimpy Away Messages"

The group was not without merit. Justin, a member of our group, does put up awful away messages that are so sickeningly sweet you want to vomit on his corpse. Even as I type this his away message reads

Don't you worry about the distance, I'm right there if you get lonely. Give this song another listen. Close your eyes. Listen to my voice, it's my disguise. I'm by your side.

leave a message
I love and miss you, Cate

An excerpt from the mission statement: "While many of our members write messages of love or sentimentality to our significant others we realize that there comes a time when these messages begin to affect our ability to be an independent entity from the relationship we find ourselves in... it also annoys those who read the same messages over and over again."
Could he have just not checked Justin's away message? Yeah. But we live in a society compulsive away message checking and, well let's face it... JP Walsh is kind of a douche.

However, as you may have noticed by now, the name of the group was horribly misspelled. Wimpy is not spelled with an H. No dictionary on the planet agrees with JP Walsh, who still to this day asserts that is the proper spelling. Now, as much as I agreed with the sentiment of his group, I could not sit idly by with this grave infraction upon the English language. Also, JP refused to change the group name. Thus, I created a group called "We will Boycot Every Group JP Creates Until He Learns How To Spell" Again, you will notice a misspelling in the title which is particularly funny given the situation. I'd like to say I did that on purpose to make fun of Walsh... I didn't. But, I took action and asked Facebook to change the name of my group, and they did within two days, fixing the spelling of Boycott (interesting side note, you can't change the name of your group yourself because, and I quote the Facebook FAQ, "No one wants to wake up one morning and notice that their 'Chuck Norris Rules' group has been changed to the 'Tony Danza Fan Club.'").

All was well and good, and after two weeks of prodding JP got Facebook to change his group's name too. Everything was fine.

On October 4th I recieved this email.

From: warning+5rewnmra@facebookmail.com
Subj: Facebook Warning
Hello,

The group "We Will Boycott Any Group JP Creates Until He Learns to Spell" has been removed because it violated our Terms of Use. Among other things, groups that are hateful, threatening, or obscene are not allowed. We also take down groups that attack an individual or group, or advertise a product or service. Continued misuse of Facebook's features could result in your account being disabled.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can visit our FAQ page at http://www.facebook.com/help.php?page=34.

The Facebook Team

Sure enough, my group had been deleted. Seriously Facebook? It turns out JP reported the group (see, told you he was a douche). But there are plenty of groups on Facebook that actually attack individuals or groups, including the group of JP's that I was referencing. My group was a peaceful protest of JPs abuse of the English language. (To quote JP Walsh "The English Language is a bitch! You can quote me on that... If I could I'd speak German." Man, what a Nazi.)
Obviously my original reaction was to start a revolution against Facebook for its injustices against me and my free speech... but then I lost interest and went back to what the internet was made for... porn.

Nostalgia

2007-09-23T18:25:00.000-04:00

There are not many things about the Washington Metro that make me smile. But last night I sat in the midst of the whirring of the Red Line's tunnel with a grin on my face. I had thought I heard it when we pulled out of Dupont, and pulling into Farragut North my smile only grew.
There was a high pitched Bing Bong followed by an old friend's voice. "Doors Opening"
That's right. one train on the Red Line last night was using Sandy Caroll's 1996 recording to announce to customers that the doors were performing their function. I even noted what car I was in, #2011 (which, for anyone who knows my dad, is pretty funny). Sure, some people said she sounded like a porn star. I don't care. I missed her. And though I was only on the train for 3 stops, getting off at China Town to down a pint or seven at Fado's, for that small 5 minutes I couldn't help but smile.
Here's to you Sandy Caroll. We miss you. And the chimes that go along with your sweet voice.

Popping In For a Hot Second

2007-09-18T00:45:00.000-04:00

To say Hello, How are you? Oh, and by the way AN OMAHA SENATOR IS SUING GOD!!!

Ha!

Blog is taking a hiatus as Senior year has me completely fucked. I am, in fact, starting my research now for a paper/presentation that is due tomorrow at 1:30.

Wow, Talk About Taking Some Time Off

2007-08-18T17:25:00.000-04:00

Sorry I've been absent as of late, guys... I've been really busy with this:

I'm the ASM and Sound Board Op, and I helped build the set and the risers. The show is really good. You should see it.

I promise more blogging soon.

THIS IS BASEBALL!

2007-08-05T23:48:00.000-04:00

Congratulations to Tommy Glavine on reaching his 300th win!

Cool Web Things 1: DailyLit

2007-08-03T13:30:00.000-04:00

Yay, another series.
I love the internet, and love when it is used in unique ways. I like it the best when it is used in FREE unique ways. In this segment, I will showcase cool ways to use the internet. Yay.

DailyLit

Find yourself too busy to read that classic novel? Always telling yourself you need to find time to read more? A SOLUTION! DailyLit.com is a web utility that sends you easy to swallow chucks of a Classic Novel daily, either by E-mail or RSS Aggregator (which is coming in a later post). It sends the story to you Daily, 3 paragraphs at a time. I just started reading Don Quixote and I'm on part 3 of 448!
The books are all in the public domain, which allows DailyLit to stay free for all. It's a really simple idea put to use very well. A+!

(via Cool Tools)

Offend This!

2007-07-30T11:30:00.000-04:00

It really makes me laugh sometimes how little American's actually believe in Free Speech and Free Expression.
Here is a story (via Google Blogoscoped) about a social bookmarking site Mister-Wong.de which has been gaining popularity lately. "'Mister Wong is already more popular than del.icio.us in Germany,' the site proclaims. 'Overall we handle as much traffic as furl.net – and we’re still growing rapidly!'" They've recently opened English and Chinese versions as well.
The problem is, Mister Wong is an animated fat Asian man. The site uses some Asian stereotypes for cheap visual gags on the sites blog, and has one site badge that reads "ping pong, king kong, Mister Wong". But you know who got offended by this? The Chinese you say? WRONG. The people who were offended were Asian bloggers in the US. China, who has been known to block YouTube and other sites and has its own Google with state approved search results, seems to not care one way or the other about the little cartoon. But the US, a country that values free speech and expression and guarantee it in the first article of our bill of rights, took action and forced the website to give up the symbol. And not just on the English version of the site, but all over it.
America has become to PC. You cannot say anything without someone being offended. Unless you want a state approved vocabulary which would assure that no one would ever get offended (and toss Free Speech into the wood chipper) learn to let stupid things like Mister Wong go. I'm not saying you need to use their site. There are a ton of social bookmarking sites out there. But really, unless this animated creep popped out of your screen and raped your wife, take a fucking chill pill.

TGI Pryz?

2007-07-27T11:16:00.000-04:00

You know how the upstairs dining hall at the Pryz has been closed all summer? You know how they have been doing "major improvements"? Well, I give you your first look at the new 3rd Floor at the Pryz.

That's it. All summer for Booths and Coat Hangers. Personally, I think that it is ridiculous that the budget is being spent on aesthetics instead of going towards improving the quality of the food, or training the employees to prepare the food properly. But the booths are also just not functional.
Most people (all Freshmen and Sophomores) have an Anytime Dining Plan, and a fair number of the rest have regular Block Dining Plans. All those meals must be had upstairs. 90% of the dining plan holding students eat upstairs for every meal during the week. The addition of these booths seriously limits the possible configuration of the crowded tables. When the Pryz gets over crowded and people are packed in there, often there are people who are eating by themselves at one of those side tables that used to have four chairs. You could take that chair from them and add it to one of the long tables (which as far as I could tell would still have those uncomfortable wooden chairs) and join your friends. Sure, these booths are more comfortable, but less functional in a Dining Hall that is already a mad house.

Boy am I glad I have don't have a meal plan.

A Play a Week for a Year

2007-07-25T12:39:00.000-04:00

Starting on Monday, I will be reading a play a week for a year. It is not the most ambitious goal. A colleague of mine that I respect once said that you should read 1000 plays during undergrad. I am far below this mark, and I have not been doing what I need to do to reach that mark. So this is my new project.

I'll keep track of the plays (and you can too) on this Google Spreadsheet. If you would like to also participate in A Play a Week, shoot me an e-mail or a comment and I'll add you to the sheet.

Play a Week for a Year Rules

One (1) play will be read per week.
Full Length Plays only. This is not to say that one-act plays are not as legitimate as full length plays, but it would be cheap for me to read a 5 page one act as my play that week. A full book of one act plays will count as one full length play.
Plays read for class or plays read for an audition do not count. The plays read must be read for no other reason than for their reading. This is not to say I won't be looking for monologues in the plays, but if I'm looking for a monologue for an audition and someone says "There's a good one for you in this play," that play will not count. These 52 plays are to be read in addition to what I would have read anyway.
For a play to count it must be a play you have never read/seen before. Rereading an old favorite or reading a play you just saw kind of defeats the purpose.
The first play read that week will count. Any additional plays read that week will not count, however reading other plays is acceptable. For a play to count, it must be started and ended that week.
And, for the record, my week starts on Monday.

I am seriously looking for people who want to do this with me. Let me know if you want to participate, I'll put your name on the spreadsheet and invite you as a collaborator so you can add the plays you read once you've read them.

So that is my new, year-long project. Let's see what happens.

Sudden Thought

2007-07-24T23:10:00.000-04:00

I just had a sudden thought I thought I'd share.
You know what will be awesome? When I can look around an apartment and think to myself, "Everything (or mostly everything) in here is mine. I own it. I earned it all." It's really frustrating to me to see my desk, for instance, and know that if I were to paint it or screw anything into it, I'd be damaging school property. I have this notion that when that time comes, it will be very liberating.

Moby Dick's House of Kabob in Silver Srping

2007-07-21T22:23:00.000-04:00

Moby Dick's House of Kabob - Silver Spring
Price Range: $8-$12
Style: Kabob, Indian
Rating: I'd eat there again.

When I was in Stratford last summer the group we were with, the Drinkers with a Shakespeare Problem, found an amazing Kabob place that at least one of us went to almost every day after we found it. Since then I have been looking for a Kabob place that does things the same way as this place, with the pita sandwich and the wonderful chili sauce that was so hot by the end you couldn't taste anything (which was great if you had it for lunch so that you didn't have to taste the tough meat and boiled veggies you got for dinner, the Brits really kind of ruin food sometimes).
So far, I have been unsuccessful.

The first time I saw Moby Dicks House of Kabob it was the one in Georgetown. For some reason when I walked in there I got a bad vibe and decided against it. But Thursday night walking through Downtown Silver Spring I came upon a new Moby Dicks there, so I tried it out. The place was much nicer on the inside, with booths and tables, not just a ratty counter and some chairs like its Georgetown sister. I have no problem with run down places, and in fact aesthetics rank very low on my list of priorities when dealing with restaurants, but I am just comparing it to the other time I almost ate at one.
I ordered the Kabob E-Joojeh with Rice, because it is chicken, and when I am unsure of a place, chicken is a safe bet.
Upon ordering they gave me a bit of the house pita bread, which is baked on site in a clay oven. It's very similar to the Nan bread you get at other Indian places, and thus, it is delicious.
The food took some time to prepare, so much time that I actually finished all of my Bread. When it did come, though, it was delicious. One of the problems one runs into at a Kabob place is meat that is tough and overcooked because it is cheaper meat. This chicken was so tender that I was surprised when I took my first bite and it came right off. The flavor was that excellent flavor you get with meat cooked on a stick, the outside is grilled to a nice hard crunch, while the inside is still soft and most. The Joojeh is served over some yellow and white rice that was also very good, and with two fried wedges of tomato which I did not eat because I do not eat tomatoes.
Overall, the food was very good and the atmosphere very agreeable. I chose to eat outside because it gives me the wonderful opportunity to people watch, which is especially fun when I am alone. The one downside is the menu is a little hard to understand at first, and it took me a couple of minutes to figure out what I would be getting when I ordered. The staff also still seems to be finding their feet in the new place (I do not know how long they've been there). Drink selection is also limited to Snapples and Fountain Soda.

Will I ever find a place that does things like they did in that one place in Stratford? Maybe. Until then, this is a fine substitute!

Moby Dick's House of Kabob - Silver Spring
Downtown Silver Spring Plaza
909 Ellsworth Drive, Silver Spring MD
301-578-8777
Website

Simpsonized

2007-07-18T01:05:00.000-04:00

Apparently the new "blog thing" to do according to DCBlogs (9th item) is to Simpsonize.

So I did.

And here is one of me at the Nuclear Power Plant

Yay internets.

Follow Up: Housing Responds

2007-07-17T12:16:00.000-04:00

I had my meeting with the housing office today, with Heidi Zeich, Director of Housing Services. She e-mailed me a few hours after my e-mail was sent asking to set up a meeting with me to discuss my concerns.
Upon entering the office, I wasn't confronted with the hostility I had expected (second item). I was in fact reminded of the experiences with housing that were not complete headaches. I was talking with Cameron Altringer, the Admin Assistant, and he has always been very helpful, answering my thousands of questions when it came to housing selection. He asked me how my summer was going, and we commiserated over lack of free time and too much work. It was pleasant while I was waiting for Heidi.
Heidi came out and our meeting went very well. I expressed to her that my main concern was that this didn't happen again. Basically the problems at the beginning of the summer were due to a complete lack of communication. I was the "exception to the exception" as she put it, and she seemed interested in correcting the situation so no one else had to go through with it. She didn't make me feel like the problem was any different than it was though, people below her not listening to each other. And based on her reactions when I dropped certain names (rolls of the eyes or long sighs), she seems to feel the same way. There was no reason, for example, why Shannon shouldn't have passed on that my card should stay active until I am finished moving out. None.
The issue the other morning was also an exception. Heidi was on a conference with Carl A. Dieso, the man who runs operations between housing and facilities and maintenance. The schedule was put on their desks after they left and so they had no time to notify anyone. Again, a communication issue. The fact that they were loud and not knocking before keying into the dorms she was looking into, and I believe the blame lies with the custodian who was supposed to be escorting them, since they were outside contractors. They apparently are allowed to just key in (after knocking loudly a few times and shouting "I'm Keying in" to do maintenance like that.
We also addressed my a/c and the wasps nest and holes in the window, and those will be resolved before Nick and Rich move in.
She couldn't offer me free transitional housing. I don't think she has the power to do that. However she did alert me to a loop hole, that unfortunately I cannot share here, that may lead to my having free transitional housing. I wouldn't have been alerted to this loophole without the meeting so I feel that was at least immediately productive. Hopefully the main goal, that no one else has to deal with the crap I dealt with, also becomes reality.

Thus ends (hopefully) the Housing Disaster of 2007. Just another place where CUA has failed me. Yay Catholics.

Previously on Knocking On Wood:
The Housing Disaster of 2007
Housing Strikes Again
More Cua BS

Because I Know Everybody Won't Stop Talking About It, and A Note on My Reviews

2007-07-15T16:51:00.000-04:00

Anyone who knows me personally knows that I do not like Harry Potter. Please don't flame me now because I admit this, it's an opinion and I'm allowed it. Talk to any of the Potterdorks I hang out with and they will tell you that I'm an evil little uncultured moron who bashes the books constantly. In fact, I try to avoid conversation about the books and films as a whole other than rolling my eyes every time it is brought up (especially when it seems to come out of nowhere and the conversation is completely changed [*cough Hmelnicky cough*]) and to say that the books aren't for me. It is only when I am provoked that I become mean about it.

Never the less, I pretty much don't know anyone else who doesn't like them so I am forced to accept them as conversational pieces. Fine.

Since I won't be seeing the latest film, I give you a review from my friend Jacob smells like fish heads (see, I can me insulting too). He also is interested in movies and reviews them like I do, very well I might add. Jacob has a critical mind for these things and his insights are usually very valuable. Plus he's a total PotterDork.

A Note on My Reviews
I am not here writing a movie review blog. My blog is an eclectic eccentric jumble that I love. However, I love films and do tend to review them when I see them. Problem is, I worked in a Movie Theatre for so long that I am reluctant to see films that I am unsure of whether or not I will like them. I've been disappointed by movies, and I've been dragged to movies I didn't want to see (and found that I even liked some of those). But as a rule I don't go out and see movies much in theatres (which is why this isn't a movie review blog and can never be).
This is why the last three reviews I've done have been rated "See it now!" I'm getting to the ratings in a second, but my point is that I try to only pay for movies that I'm sure I will like. I don't go in with a closed mindset of I will like this, but I am a pretty good judge of what I will like before hand. The last two movies I saw before I started this blog would get that rating too (Hot Fuzz and Borat).
But I wanted to let you all know that I don't think every movie is the best movie ever. In fact I am usually very critical of them, as any of my friends will tell you.

So, now the reviews. Since I'm not a major movie reviewing blog I don't see the value in a star system. Boring! I rate movies based on when/if I recommend my friends see them. If I need to qualify my official review with something to make it more specific I will. I have that freedom. Here is the list of my official ratings.

Official Review Ratings

See it now! - This is given to movies that are not only amazing, but where a quality will be lost if you do not see it in a theatre, whether it is for the big screen FX or the experience of seeing it with 500 people, these films are at their best in a packed theatre, and you should see them before crowds dissipate. Since my movie reviews have all been Action/Adventure, that is why the abundance of See it now! reviews.
See it - Simple. See the film. If you can go to the movies and waste the $8-$15, it may be worth it. However, you can wait until near the end of the run. You don't need to take off work and see it this weekend. If the movie is good, it will stick around theatres for a while.
See it eventually - The movie was okay, but if you are the only person in the theatre or you wait until video the movie won't be any worse. If you think you'll like the movie then you should try and see it, but it should be low on your list of night time activities, like below writing that card to your grandmother and certainly below Bowling and Beer.
Wait for video - Don't waste the $8-$15 for this one. You could buy this one in 6-8 month and watch it on your portable dvd player on the way to work and be fine. This would be the rating I would give to people who like Adam Sandler movies for 50 First Dates.
Wait for the bootleg - Ummm, you didn't hear that from me. I don't condone bootlegging movies or watching them on popular internet sites like this one. But if you do that sort of thing, then wait until one pops up here, you aren't missing much.
Don't see - Movies at this rating don't even deserve proper grammar. Just don't see. Not worth the two hours.

Rock and Roll

2007-07-14T02:14:00.000-04:00

I missed Coast of Utopia, I am not missing this.

Tom Stoppard's Rock 'n Roll coming to Bway!

I know I already saw it in London, but there are no words to describe how amazing this show is. And all those amazing actors from the cast I saw too.

Who wants to come up and see this with me. I'm telling you, you'll be blown away. Best thing Stoppard has ever written, hands down, Ros and Gill included.

More CUA BS

2007-07-12T11:48:00.000-04:00

So last night I actually got some sleep, and was on my way to a full night's sleep for once, when CUA HOUSING STRUCK AGAIN!
See, two nights ago I got no sleep but it was my own fault. I left my computer on and so at 3 am, 2 hours after I went to sleep, my computer decided to reset itself and woke me up with a loud shutdown noise, so loud that I couldn't get back to sleep after that and was up until 9. Needless to say, I needed this full night of sleep.
However, The Catholic University of America was determined to prevent that. At 9 this morning I was wrenched awake by yelling, singing, and loud machinery noises. I open my eyes to see three members of the CUA cleaning staff ON THE ROOF OUTSIDE MY ROOM cleaning my window. One of them was in a Cherry-Picker that was moving around so it was loud and the machine was beeping. And they were yelling to each other in Spanish really loud, and one of them was SINGING AND MAKING CAT NOISES!
This is 9 in the morning. I am barely covered, only in boxers with the sheet kicked off because my room still has no a/c. And without warning these guys are literally at my window. There is no excuse for that.
As if that wasn't enough, when the cherry-picker finally left about an hour later and I tried to get back to sleep, I'm woken again by a knocking on my door. One of those guys was now poking his head inside my room. THAT'S RIGHT. He knocked and then immediately opened the door and stuck his head in to my private room, uninvited. "I clean windows?"
"They already cleaned my windows," I said, annoyed as anything now.
"I know."
"You mean you want to clean them from the inside?"
"Yes."

IS THIS NORMAL? THIS IS MY FREAKING BEDROOM.

I told him to give me 10 minutes to get dressed. I got dressed, took my book and went into the lounge. I came back in 45 minutes later and could not tell whether or not they had been in there yet to clean my windows.

So let me put this in perspective. I am paying $2600 total for the summer for this room, and without telling me they're putting people on my roof and into my room at 9 o'clock in the morning.

Unbelievable.

PS: I just went from seeing red with anger to laughing ironically -- I just realized that the window they cleaned is now streaky. They couldn't even clean the window well...

UPDATE @ 1:24 pm
Here is a copy of the letter I wrote to housing. I hope I get some kind of response.

To whom it may concern,

This morning was the final straw in a series of incidents that deserve some kind of response and an answer from your department. This morning at 9am I was awakened by a loud commotion outside my window. This is particularly odd since I am on the second floor. What I saw when my eyes opened shocked me. Three members of the cleaning staff were on the roof that is right outside of my room on the second floor of Caldwell....
Read the rest of the letter here...

Previously on Knocking on Wood:
Housing Strikes Again
The Housing Disaster of 2007

Transformers

2007-07-11T23:40:00.000-04:00

They're more than meets the eye, you know.
Whereas my last review had the feel of a real professional review, this one will probably have more of the feel of "OMG GEEKGAZM!!1!one"

Transformers
Dir. Michael Bay
Rated: PG-13

Please allow me to geek out just for a second.
Ahem
OH MY GOD THEY MADE A MOVIE ABOUT TRANSFORMERS AND MICHAEL BAY DIRECTED IT AND IT DIDN'T SUCK IN FACT IT WAS TOTALLY WICKED AND THEY HAD THE REAL VOICE OF OPTIMUS PRIME AND EVERYTHING AND IT WAS SO COOL AND ROBOTS FIGHTING EACH OTHER OMG OMG OMG ::dies::

I'm sorry for that outburst, but you have to understand, I grew up playing with Transformers. Even if I didn't watch the show religiously EVERYONE knew the voice of Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime, everyone I knew wanted to be a Transformer, and everyone picked one side or the other ("Autobots kick Destruticons' asses!" "No way, geektard, Decepticons rule!"). That being said, Mr. Bay is lucky he didn't screw this movie up, because my entire generation would have rioted.
What you have to understand to truly appreciate this film is that it is based on a TV show that is based on a toy. That's right, for those of you that don't know, Transformers started as a toy, which is why Hasbro owns the rights to them and why there was a truck full of Furbies in the movie. Clearly most people fell in love with the Transformers with either the TV show or the Marvel Comic (not being big in to comics, I am the former), it is still at its core, a toy. This means two things. 1) Everything about them needs to be just plain fun, and 2) There will be an element of Childishness to it all. This is why you have to forgive the bad lines and elements of the storyline that seem like total Cheese. They're writing about toys, people, come on. The first Transformer you meet is named Bumblebee for Christ's sake!
What is really interesting about the movie is that it is Rated PG-13, and the company didn't do anything to bring that rating down. They could have downplayed some of the violence. If there was sexual content (besides the creepy ending) I missed it, but then again the MPAA has always been crazy (Remember when Belly Buttons were grounds for an X-Rating?). What this says to me, is that this movie wasn't really trying to usher a whole new group of Kids into the Transformers fold. It will. I know if I every have kids I will show them this movie, as well as episodes of the cartoon, and hope they love it just as much as I do. I know that many geeked out people my age and a few years older than me who have kids will be bringing them, despite the PG-13 rating. But really, with this movie was meant for us.
Take, for example, the main (human), Sam Witwicky, played beautifully by Shia LeBeouf -- thankfully moving away from the Disney Channel, as he clearly demonstrates in this movie he is so much better than Even Stevens. In this story, he plays a total geek who falls in love with and eventually wins the heart of a "total hottie", as we would have called her back then (Megan Fox, sixth billed in an ABC sitcom before this. I'd say this movie is going to be VERY good for her career). Now, if you are going to see this film, you're already at least partially a geek. Get over it, remember, movie about TOYS. So you are instantly in this kid's shoes. Who didn't feel like that in high school at some point? Guys and Girls, you always feel like a total geek when you have a crush like that, no matter who you are. And even if the ladies weren't, I can say with unabashed certainty that every male over 18 in that audience was reliving a high school crush through this geek. Every single one. Don't deny it.
This little plot device automatically bonds us with Sam. We root for him, we laugh at his awkwardness with a nostalgic twinge as we remember being that awkward. We also are able to forgive the moments of absolute cheese because of it.
But the real stars of this show are the Transformers themselves. ILM really outdid themselves with this one. The animation is perfect, the graphics seamless. I never once doubted that these Bots were interacting in the same world as the humans. It's also very reassuring to see what ILM can do when they aren't ruining Star Wars. I am always amazed at how animators can give so much character to their creations just in the way they move, as well as the voice actors taking from that and adding to it. But the way they make these machines move is brilliant. Frenzy especially (the Stereo) has this wonderful energy to him, which is brought about by his quick, almost slinking movements, and the hyperactivity in his voice (Voiced by Reno Wilson). Jazz (Darius McCrary), another one of my favorites, is everything about the word tough with just the right amount of cool attached. The ILM crew should be proud of this work.
Bottom line, this movie is great. If you're looking for an action packed time, a whole lot of nostalgia, and just to have a lot of fun playing with your old toys again, check this movie out.

Official Rating: See It Now!

Hey Hey, You You!

2007-07-11T17:08:00.000-04:00

You know that Avril Levigne song "I Don't Like Your Girlfriend"?
It's so damn catchy.
And not that I like it or anything...
But I have this unnatural desire to cover the song, with me playing guitar and singing.

I think the end result would be hilarious beyond reasonable measure.

And on that note, I run to work... I fear I've said too much.

Live Free or Die Hard

2007-07-08T19:46:00.000-04:00

New writer, new director, same old John McClaine.
Actually I'm pretty sure that McClaine in Ancient Greek actually translates to "Kick Ass".

Live Free or Die Hard
Rated: PG13
Dir. Len Wiseman

It is a completely different world from when it all started back in 1988. Ah, remember the good old days when all you had to worry about were terrorists taking over a building or an airplane, maybe blowing a hole in the Federal Reserve Building?
But now, in the age of the internet, everything is more complicated. You have to think on a much larger scale, especially when you're a terrorist. But, unfortunately for you Mr. Terrorist Hacker, John McClaine (Bruce Willis) just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, again.
This fourth installment of the series, originally written by Roderick Thorpe, takes John McClaine into the center of this world of Red Bull drinking, pale, internet nerds; and he doesn't understand a thing. Thankfully they give him a new sidekick, hacker Matt Farrel (Justin Long). Also, just to make sure John is comfortable, there are plenty of cars blowing up and people shooting at him. At least this time he got to keep his shoes.
This movie is incredibly action packed, never losing its hold on the audience for a second. It flows eagerly from scene to scene, just waiting to show you what else it has in store. It is a wonderful feeling to feel a theatre breath a sigh of relief every time you find out McClaine is okay. The films quick editing and fast pace certainly help keep the audience with them. They don't dwell on facts like John and Holly's divorce (a loose end tied up from the end of number 3), and yet it gives us that information as a way to ground the character in reality, life continued for John in the 12 years since With A Vengeance.
The hyper-realistic film style is softened by the cool blue and gray tones the film was shot in. Director Len Weisman was able to not only stay consistent with the style of the Die Hard films, but to also set this apart from them, John McClaine in a completely different world. The hyper-realism also helps when things become really ridiculous later in the movie. The story itself has great build, starting in the entirely possible and advancing to situations at the end that would be totally unbelievable if it had not built up to this, but by the time you get to the situation it seems completely reasonable. Which brings us to:

Tom's Rules of Good Action Flicks
Just something I thought of during the movie.

Rule #1: Make your audience say "Unbelievable!" not "That isn't believable."
It is a tough thing to do, but you need to make sure that the audience stays with you. You can't start out in a ridiculous situation. If Small Soldiers were to have started out in the middle of an attack by a toy army of thousands, nobody would have bought it. But because the scale started small and got bigger (in a manner of speaking) it worked. We were able to follow the progression, the film has to lead you into the ridiculous situation by the hand. Live Free or Die Hard does this very well. I remember thinking as I left the theatre how most of the things that happened, while not probable, were certainly possible. The fact is, everything we do now is hooked up to computers and the net. The entirety of my financial assets are in an internet bank account that, if the servers in Delaware are fried, there is a possibility I lose all my money. The reactions of investors to the financial crisis they create were real. The main baddie Thomas Gabriel (Timothy Olyphant) really makes sense when he quotes Stalin "Useful idiots". The point is, there has to be some kind of build or the audience won't come along for the ride with you. Because audiences are fickle beings, the slightest thing out of place and suddenly nothing you can do will bring them back.

Rule #2: Keep you hero's confirmed kill count lower than your baddie's.
Kill counts are a funny thing. When you actually quantify them they are usually unimpressive when considered in total with all of the action. For example, in Season 3 of 24, Jack Bauer only killed 14 people. McClaine does a lot of killing, but if you're going to get away with him saying things like "My plan? Kill them all" you need to make the baddies worse. Every once in a while, have him leave a few guys unconscious but alive. You can't make your hero worse than your bad guys or it becomes too unbelievable. Here, the new Die Hard Succeeds
I will give you McClaine's kill count... but so as to not spoil the number for everyone else... John McClaine killed The cube root of ((17616-40)/8) people.

Rule #3: Don't give away your best lines in the trailer.
Let's face it. When you first saw the previews for this movie, the part that sold you that it was okay to make another Die Hard movie was the line "You just killed a helicopter with a car." "I was out of bullets." I know it sold me, because it is a great line. Well rest assured that it is not the best line in the film. Die Hard's lite banter keeps getting better and better, and is a wonderful contrast to the action.
There is nothing worse than an action movie that is all action and no entertainment. Explosions are entertaining, and car chases are thrilling, but to a point. You need comic relief at a bare minimum. Die Hard how ever, has always been really playful, and this movie is no different. Between McClaine's muttering and taunting and Farrell's awkward quips and jokes as a mechanism to cope with fear. The movie is as much a comedy as it is an action movie, but one of those good comedies with a plot and character depth. The lightness of this movie is rather unique, but every good action movie has comic moments. Take for example the mantra of Danny Glover's character in the Lethal Weapon series, "I'm too old for this shit." It's funny. Funny is good.
But the absolute worst thing a production can do is give away all the best lines in the preview. It happens a lot, because producers want you to come and see their movie. Clearly they aren't thinking in the long run. If I go into a movie and find that I already knew all the best lines, I'm not going to enjoy that movie. Next time I see something by that director or that company, I'm going to expect more of the same. This Die Hard, like its predecessors, does not disappoint in this way.

I think that is one of the reasons I feel so connected to the Die Hard series, John McClaine's quips. He reminds me of my father. My father masks all emotion with comedy. If my father was bad ass, he would handle things exactly the way John McClaine does, especially making fun of his enemy while stalking him.
The movie is not without its problems, certain character's whose back should have been broken, clearly sloppy editing in scenes (characters talking, their mouths not moving). I never really believed the motives of Gabriel, mostly because he never gave us any notion of them. And of course, the computer stuff. Hollywood has never really quite gotten how computer systems worked. You have to forgive a lot of things that are wrong with the way they treat computers because really the things they do would take a lot of time, and not be as explicit than the quick things with lots of pretty images. Chalk it up to the artistic license of story telling. Its inconsistencies and faults aside, the movie holds its own and more. The problems I mention can be shook off by leaning to whomever is next to you, pointing them out, and moving on. If the fact that they were all hitting delete (a button that wouldn't be used as much in a Linux based system than a Windows), laugh it off by realizing that the Mac guy is using a PC (Thanks Rich!)
Bottom line, if you're looking for a kick ass movie, a bad ass with a gun, or just a fun time, Live Free or Die Hard should be high on your list.

Oh, and by the way: Kevin Fucking Smith.
That's all I can say.

Official Rating: See It Now!

Slip of the Tounge

2007-07-06T20:54:00.001-04:00

So I am at the Washington Shakespeare Company where I work as a house manager, which is really a term for glorified snack jockey. An older woman asked me where the bathroom was. I tried to say the words "Hall" and "Cooridor" at the same time and so I said "Right down this Whoreidor..."

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA