Managers, communicating with employees can be pretty simple if you do this: Be direct. Say what you mean, repeat it, and then wait to hear your thoughts repeated back to you. After all, it’s not communication until you hear back.

From Ben Eubanks at UpstartHR

• I’m great at research. After two weeks of switching out the regular coffee for decaf, I have caused two stapler beatings, one incident of “parking lot rage,” and seven terminations for sleeping on the job.
• The best thing about working here is the cushy toilet paper.
• Since my manager treats me like a child the rest of the workday, I’d like him to start cutting up my lunches for me and putting band-aids on my paper cuts.
• I’ve been creating spreadsheets full of meaningless numbers and sending them to my boss for months. And I got a pay increase last week.
• I’ve turned “calling in sick” into an art form.

From Lex Fortis

I developed and led the company’s efforts to create catch-phrases for all employees. My efforts include:

• VP of HR: “Time for some human capital punishment.”
• CFO: “Still writin that cook book!”
• General counsel: “Gimme some that Mutatis mutandis.”
• Board Chair: “Now *that’s* shareholder value.”
• CIO: “Re-booting ain’t the only thing I tried.”
• CEO: “I ain’t in the for the hugs.”

Fran Melmed, a very talented communicator, started free range communication a couple of weeks ago. I put it in my Must Read category. Stop over and say hello. For those of you who have doing this a while, make today the day you leave a comment. Remember how good that felt when we got started?

HR Bobbleheads – Episode 5: Interviews Then & Now from HR Bobbleheads on Vimeo.

In this episode: Bobbleheads from the 50s and today illustrate just how much *ahem* gender roles in the workplace have changed *ahem* over the years.

UPDATE: If you think that sexual harassment is dead in 2009, check this out.

Previous episodes:

HR Bobbleheads Episode 4: New Benefits
Fremulon, Inc. announces their new, all-inclusive “Benefits Package.” Unfortunately, the package isn’t as comprehensive as it might seem.

HR Bobbleheads Episode 3: Layoffs
The economic crunch means it’s time to “trim the fat” at Fremulon, Inc. Will our faithful employees stay loyal to one another? Or will they sell each other out for job security? And what of the mysterious toxic waste spill that’s turned all the Fremulon employees an eerie green?

HR Bobbleheads Episode 2: Dress Code
Someone hasn’t been following the company’s dress code policy, which results in a talking-to from HR and the manager. This episode is a lesson in making your policies easy to understand, even for those with wooden ears.

HR Bobbleheads Episode 1: The Water Cooler
Talking around the water cooler is all fine and good, until the boss finds you shirking your responsibilities.

HR Bobbleheads Sneak Preview: Sick Day
Everyone at the office called in sick on the Friday before Memorial Day. Everyone, that is, except for Iron Man.

When you send out communications, you’ll always hear people bitch about it. But know that if people say good things about what you’ve done, that’s communication gold.

I am absolutely delighted with these contributions. Thanks so much to the authors. Honestly, I think KnowHR has the best readers in HR. Bar none.

10 More Things Bad HR People Approve of “In Principle”

1. Our people are our most important asset.
2. Positive reinforcement works better than fear.
3. Access to good training is essential for all employees.
4. It’s worth paying a higher salary to get the best employees
5. Best way to create a good employee relations environment is to be honest and direct about the tough issues.
6. Helping a hiring manager find the best employees is part of our job, even if it means bringing in an outside recruitment expert.
7. People development is of equal importance to selling and client service.
8. We reward for good management.
9. HR’s job is to help employees be successful.
10. Using layoffs as an annual business strategy is doomed.

Credits:
1-4 Lindsay at Training Time
5-6 Nancy King at Nancy King Search
7-8 Rick at 48Facets
9-10 Me

If you have more, please add them to the comments and I’ll post them. This is great thinking.

Coming soon: A compilation of 1,001 Canned Responses for Self Evaluations, including the comedic styling of Ben Eubanks from UpstartHR.

I’ve been thinking about that von Bismark quote for some time. And I’ve compiled a list of 10 things that bad HR people approve of “in principle.”

10 Things Bad HR People Approve of “In Principle”

1. Employees are honest and want to do a good job.
2. There’s a far better way to do performance management.
3. People should stay out of work when they’re sick.
4. Happy employees get better business results.
5. Some HR policies are silly.
6. It’s cheaper to keep her than it is to replace her.
7. Managers don’t magically know how to be managers.
8. Communication is essential.
9. Team building exercises are embarrassing.
10. Work/life balance works well.

That’s a list off the top of my head. I can hear bad HR people saying they agree with those “in principle,” but they’ll never do anything about it. The good ones do.

What would you add to the list?

I’m at my morning cafe, easing my way into Monday (that’s my view out the window). Every once in a while in the quiet of the morning I get to see small acts of kindness that both make me happy and reinforce my belief in the innate goodness of people.

The Kindness of Strangers
This morning, a blind woman was having trouble navigating the corner of Walnut and 17th Street in Philadelphia. She lost track of the corner by The Latham Hotel. By the time she got to the traffic light she was swinging her cane in a wide arc, and it was clear that she couldn’t tell that the curb was cut out for wheelchair access. On top of that, there’s no audio signal for the light, so even though the light was green and it was safe for her to cross, she was frozen on the corner.

I was just about to jump up when a young guy walking past her noticed what was happening. He removed his headphones and went over to the woman. I could tell that he asked her if she needed help and that she asked if the light was green. He said, yes, and the woman made her way across 17th Street. When the blind woman got to the far corner, she seemed once again confused. (My guess is that the area is new to her.) No worries. An older gentleman who had just turned the corner stopped to ask her if she needed help. This time she took it. She held his elbow and he led her down Walnut Street toward Rittenhouse Square. I smiled. And wrote this down.

Kindness and Company Values
What’s this have to do with HR? I’m not going for some overwrought metaphor here. Nope, I’m just thinking about HR being about people and helping each other. Effective people management is rarely about the grand gesture — it’s about the small favors and kindnesses that go on every day.

My question for today: Is kindness part of your company’s values?

What those guys did this morning to help the blind woman reminded me of one this Liberty Mutual ad called “Half Acre” that’s one of my favorite ads. It’s about people doing the right thing.

HR Bobbleheads – Episode 4: New Benefits from HR Bobbleheads on Vimeo.

In this episode: Fremulon, Inc. announces their new, all-inclusive “Benefits Package.” Unfortunately, the package isn’t as comprehensive as it might seem.

Previous episodes:
HR Bobbleheads Episode 3: Layoffs
The economic crunch means it’s time to “trim the fat” at Fremulon, Inc. Will our faithful employees stay loyal to one another? Or will they sell each other out for job security? And what of the mysterious toxic waste spill that’s turned all the Fremulon employees an eerie green?

HR Bobbleheads Episode 2: Dress Code
Someone hasn’t been following the company’s dress code policy, which results in a talking-to from HR and the manager. This episode is a lesson in making your policies easy to understand, even for those with wooden ears.

HR Bobbleheads Episode 1: The Water Cooler
Talking around the water cooler is all fine and good, until the boss finds you shirking your responsibilities.

HR Bobbleheads Sneak Preview: Sick Day
Everyone at the office called in sick on the Friday before Memorial Day. Everyone, that is, except for Iron Man.