As the only remaining transit source in town, SEPTA’s regional rail stations became zones of chaos by the end of the day. Riders waited in amusement-park style lines circling the station, herded by SEPTA workers in bright yellow vests who attempted to corral the crowds.

But like the Best Buy line on Black Friday morning, the line-dwellers became quite a bit unruly. Cutting lines, picking fights, letting out as much foul language as possible. In one afternoon, Suburban Station went from a transit point for peaceful professionals, to a Lord of the Flies-esque scene.

Lucky for you, KnowHR took advantage of the madness to see what Philadelphians thought of SEPTA’s communication strategy during this crisis. Here’s what they said, and what you can learn from their mistakes.

The complaint: No advanced warning
“There was no communication, I didn’t find out [about the strike] until I listened to the news this morning,” said Marilyn, a social work supervisor. “It’s awful, the way this was handled, and it’s the public that’s suffering.”
The lesson: Give people time to prepare
People don’t like being surprised at breakfast. If you’re going to give them bad news, at least give them a chance to sleep on it. It’s much better to have time to prepare an alternative than to be forced to react with split-second decisions.

The complaint: No scope provided
“We knew that SEPTA was on strike, but we didn’t know how it would impact [the regional rail lines],” said Judy, an executive assistant waiting for the R3 to West Trenton.
The lesson: Give a broad perspective
Doctors don’t just diagnose diseases and send you on your way. They identify the problem, explain the possible consequences and give you options for treatment. You should treat your business, and your customers, the same way. They have a right to know what exactly will be affected, and how.

The complaint: No new knowledge
“The big thing that I would like to know now is how frequently the trains are coming and how long my expected wait time is,” said Kelly, a banker, who had already been waiting for more than an hour for her R7 train to Trenton. “Not only are we paying to use your services, but we’re the taxpayers. Have some concern for the customer.”
The lesson: Provide regular updates
It’s not fun to be herded around a place like a movie extra. (Believe me, I know!) Even just a simple, repeating message, can do wonders for our peace of mind. And spare you from a few angry customers.

The complaint: No respect for the customer
“SEPTA should be a central service and they should never be allowed to shut down,” said Sid, an IT Specialist. “I don’t care what they do, nothing can prepare you for this.”
The lesson: Consider your public image
Although it’s impossible to control when and where a union strike (or other similar crisis) will occur, it’s your job to smooth over your public image. You want to make sure you don’t lose too much trust in your business, so have a backup plan ready so you can dampen as much negativity as possible.

The complaint: No control
“If this goes on, it’s gonna get on people’s nerves and it’s gonna get ugly,” said Mary-Ellen, a clinical coordinator, as she watched two people next to her get in a vocal argument about line-cutting. “There’s going to be a rumble in the house.”
The lesson: Be prepared for when the people fight back
The longer people are exposed to disorderly situations, the more likely they are to revolt and rebel. You may not be able to prevent a crisis, but you must be able to respond to it. If you’re expecting large masses of people up in arms, you better do what Best Buy does on Black Friday: hire some bouncers to manage the crowd.

Got any more advice about how SEPTA should be responding to the strike? Let us know your brilliant ideas!

About our guest writer: Chris Ferdinandi is a human resource and social media pro at EMC Corporation in Boston, MA. He’s also a clean hippie (he loves recycling and taking showers), beach bum, weekend warrior, and musician. You can find him at RenegadeHR.net or on twitter at @ChrisFerdinandi. We’re lucky to have him as a guest writer today.

Last night at dinner, my 16-year-old son, Stephen, refused an extra serving of the main course and, instead, ate more salad. When my wife, Sheryl, asked him why, he said:

I have a fat man living inside me.

I cracked up. “You have a fat man living inside you” is what I’d say to my guys when they were younger teens and would tease me about not being able to eat mountains of food without becoming Man Mountain Frank. They could eat us out of house and home and not put on an ounce of body fat. So, I used to say, “Watch out, dudes. Someday you’ll be sitting around and your kids will be teasing you. And this phrase will come to mind: ‘You’ve got a fat man living inside you.’”

Use One Memorable Phrase If You Want Them to Remember
That Fat Man phrase is a running joke in our household. My guys have played sports and know how to eat right. Sheryl cooks great meals. But they remember.

What if I had said, “Remember to eat nutritious food”? Or, “Think about your portion control.” Or, “Your BMI will be substantially higher when you age and your basal metabolic rate decreases.”

Those three phrases are what too much employee communication sounds like. It’s overly wordy. Pretentious. Unmemorable.

If you want to communicate — really communicate — use one memorable phrase. And say it like you mean it.

General managers, HR VPs, training directors, event planners, team leaders, association coordinators, ambitious team members, and social chairpersons: I will send you a box of 38 real-life, hold-’em-in-your-hands copies of How to Self-Destruct—rounded corners, illustrations, red text, and all—at no charge. Give copies to your team members and watch them laugh their way to fearlessness, better decisions, and more collaboration. All of which means more dollars to the bottom line.

In other words: ZERO RISK, big potential upside.

Getting the books is super easy. You have 3 options:

Option #1: Find me at the Fail Spectacularly! party in Chicago on 11/4.
Option #2: Fill out this handy little form.
Option #3: Email me: jason@seidenleadership.com. (Include your phone number!)
All of these options will get the ball rolling. The ball then rolls to me confirming that you are legit and that I have stock left. Then I figure out shipping fees, which you pay—this is my way of making you prove you’re for real. Finally, you prepare to receive a box of 38 awesome!

When my friend Loren Feldman asked me to be a presenter at The Audience Conference, I couldn’t say “yes” fast enough. Loren knows more about engaging an audience that anyone I know. He’s an artist, a comedian, an actor, and an internet firebrand. He can get famous people to talk to his puppets. And he knows people who really know their audiences.

In HR communication, understanding your audience is the only thing that matters. It’s why I’m going to The Audience Conference.

I must admit that I’m not much of a conference goer. Most conferences end up being an advertisement for the latest idea that consultants are humping. Otherwise, it’s a clique of professional conference attendees. (Don’t make me say what people call them. It’s not nice.)

The Audience Conference will be different. Check out the list of speakers. They’re going to talk about “audience” from dozens of different angles — from journalism to marketing to web to business to the arts. Everyone will be focused on one thing — the audience.

There won’t be any slides. Speakers will be talking to the audience. We won’t be talking about Twitter or Facebook and how to reach “friends,” we’ll be talking about getting to real people and genuinely understanding your audience. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll be entertained. And you’ll walk away saying, “That was the best conference I ever attended.” I’m sure of that with Loren Feldman running the show. Here are the details:

The show is on November 6th from 7:30AM to 5:00PM at the Hudson Theater.

Hudson Theater
145 West 44th Street
New York
USA 10036-4012
T: (212) 768-4400

You can buy your tickets by clicking here. They’re $399. It’ll be the best money you spend. As a bonus, if you use the code “Loren” when you register, you’ll save $50.

We’re Going to Talk About Our Audience, Not About Us. — Loren Feldman

In honor of Halloweeen Week on KnowHR, we decided to see how many of you show up at work in costume. But we’re not talking about Halloween costumes—we’re talking about masking your personality in the workplace every day.

We polled Philadelphia employees and learned that forty percent of you adopt a more professional front at work. Sixty percent said you don’t change your personality. And one person even said he wears a surgical mask to prevent H1N1.

Here’s what some of you had to say about this question.

No, I act the same at work and at home.

“I don’t want to hide who I am. It makes my relationships with my coworkers easier because nothing is hidden.”
-Amara, systems analyst

“I think it shows that you’re genuine and being true to yourself.”
-Sam, assistant store manager

“You gotta be yourself, no matter what situation you’re in—it’s gotta be pretty tough to change your personality.”
-Bill, construction manager

Yes, I put on a different mask at work.

“I bite my tongue at work because if I told people what I truly felt, I’d be fired.”
-Chris, accountant

“I just pretend to work better, to be more concentrated so my boss won’t be angry at me and to make him happier.”
-Elena, bookkeeper

“I try to be myself, but you can’t entirely because it’s a work atmosphere, not a playtime.”
-Kathy, clothing sales processer

In our opinion, it’s a little spooky to wear a mask at work other than on Halloween (I know I’m dressing up!) but what do you think? And do you think your coworkers tend to put up more of a front at work than they admit? Let us know what you think so we’ll be able to figure out who will REALLY show up to work in costume tomorrow.

Thursday, October 29 – 8PM ET Does HR really need to disappear? Is the whole idea of a central department to help manage all of an organization’s talent really a relic? If HR is really dead, what happens to all the HR folks today? If HR is not dead, but is just on life support, how can it be revived? If you were able to start all over again, and re-design the HR function from scratch, what would it look like? Joining Shauna Moerke and I are special guests Frank Roche from KnowHR, Michael VanDervort from Human Race Horses, and China Gorman from SHRM.

You can call in on (646) 378-1086. You can also follow the Twitter hashtag #hrhappyhour. And in the background, the ghouls will be running a Google Wave. Join us if you have a moment. And leave me a comment. Let me know what you think. Is HR dead? Or undead?

Dawn of the Dead Trailer (1978): THEY MUST BE DESTROYED ON SIGHT!

Aries
UNICEF once conducted a national campaign for children to raise funds for the charity while trick-or-treating. This is a lesson where you must learn to stop being so greedy. Take one piece of candy, only when offered, and stop hoarding it in your desk drawers. Didn’t you know the cleaning staff goes through there at night anyway?

Taurus
Your coworkers think you’re sophisticated (little do they know). Don’t bother dressing up as a zombie for Halloween this year. The stench of your body odor has been so strong this past year, you already smell like one.

Gemini
Something you’ve been anticipating is about to happen. Yep, you’re in big trouble. You’ll be attacked by ghosts, ghouls, demons, witches, goblins, vampires, werewolves, zombies, skeletons, black cats, spiders, bats, and crows this Halloween. I thought you already knew all your colleagues despised you!

Cancer
That sexy bunny costume is perfect for the office if you’re trying to get the boss to notice you (since your work isn’t worth two beans). He might even have a creepy dungeon very much like at Hefner’s mansion.

Leo
Trick-or-Treat! You’ve spent all year going from desk to desk asking favors. Leave your coworkers alone for once. It’s also seen in the future that your Performance Review is going to be a complete failure – just warning you.

Virgo
Nobody likes you. It’s true. Don’t even bother coming to work this Halloween. Nobody will like your costume or your attempt to win them over with the witch finger cookies you baked.

Libra
Ok, so it’s Halloween, and you’re already The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. Paint your face orange for the day – those creepy eyes already make you look like a Jack-o’-lantern, but consider a diet to start November. You’re only going to get bigger with the holiday’s coming up. Diet pills (or starving yourself) might work too.

Scorpio
Your great business mind will make you a great drug dealer, but not for Halloween – I meant in real life. But for now, when attending that office Halloween party this year, make sure you leave the drugs at home and bring yourself, all wrapped up in toilet paper… like a mummy.

Sagittarius
Some people like you, but it’s only their false image of you, which is perfect for this Halloween! You can be any sort of monster, zombie, or ghoul and no one will think twice. Remember, it rubs the lotion on its skin.

Capricorn
Your zodiac sign is a goat. Now you have your costume.

Aquarius
October 31 means lots of treats and candy, but steer clear. Those teeth of yours need nothing more than candy to rot them even more. Remember, there’s been health care cuts – and it’s going to cost a lot to fix that grill of yours.

Pisces
Go ahead – play that nasty prank on your coworkers! It may get you fired, but do it anyway! They’ll never believe that someone as peaceful and calm as you could fill the water cooler with blood, spiders, and real vampire fangs!

From news reports, the pilot and co-pilot were talking about their questionable employee communication, according to the Minneapolis Star-Tribune:

The pilots said they were at cruise altitude when they began discussing the new monthly crew flight scheduling system in place because of the merger between Delta and Northwest. Cole was providing instruction to Cheney, the captain, the report said.

You know what the problem was? The pilot didn’t understand how the schedule worked. Seriously, the dude can fly an airplane, probably has landed one on an aircraft carrier, but he couldn’t understand his employee communication. *That* is scary to me.

Wanna See Something Really Scary?

It’s Halloween week on KnowHR, so let’s start off with something scary: President Obama just signed a National Emergency Declaration on H1N1.

Declaring Section 1335 basically allows health care systems to act faster on disaster plans, if necessary. This was also declared during the North Dakota flooding in 2009, Hurricanes Ike and Gustav in 2008 and Hurricane Katrina in 2005. Now you can add Swine Flu 2009 to the mix.

Let’s hope this decision prevents H1N1 from causing any serious mischief this year.