Kommytila

Muse

2024-05-23T02:24:00.007-04:00

You inspire my creative genes, my darling. You make me feel, think, and know that I have an amazing life to live.

I seek your attention every night because you bring clarity to my chaos. You give purpose to the wandering thoughts that swirl in my mind.

In your presence, I find the courage to chase my dreams, diving deep into the ocean of my imagination to uncover treasures of creativity. Your influence touches every aspect of my life, turning mundane moments into extraordinary experiences.

When the world feels heavy and the burdens too much to bear, you are my sanctuary. With you, I rediscover beauty in the ordinary and magic in the everyday. You constantly remind me that there is always something worth writing about, something worth exploring.

You are the spark that ignites the fire within me, the muse that whispers inspiration into my ear. Without you, my words would be empty, my thoughts mere shadows of what they could be. But with you, everything is possible.

Thank you for being my muse, my guiding light in the darkest of nights. Your presence is a gift I cherish deeply. Here’s to the endless possibilities you bring into my life and to the many more stories we will create together.

Akorede - Pleasure I Crave

2023-06-29T20:31:00.004-04:00

All in all

The truth is I am unhappy

and I cannot express myself.

I want to do what makes me happy.

But what makes me happy is considered wrong.

Be right and unhappy?

wrong and happy.

would I find happiness in what is right,

or find that I am still unhappy with the pleasures I crave

Akorede - Stimuli and I

2023-06-29T19:37:00.002-04:00

In all my days, I have always responded to stimuli.

Today I want to be different.

First, I do not want to respond to stimuli.

I want to rest.

- Akorede

Akorede - My progress

2023-06-28T19:39:00.001-04:00

My feelings as words

My Memories as stories

My progress ...

Akorede - Twinkle, Twinkle

2023-06-27T19:42:00.001-04:00

Twinkle twinkle, dear one.

I see you.

It's only the distance that makes you twinkle.

Burning bright from lightyears away.

I see you.

Twinkle, twinkle, dear one.

Akorede - Love is Love

2023-06-26T20:27:00.001-04:00

Love is love

is something that can be written and not understood.

is love a duty

or a feeling?

Are there two sides?

the Adorer and the Adored?

Find X

2023-06-12T20:38:00.008-04:00

Letters

vocabulary

composing

all difficult

when all I know

is 1 + 1

now I have to

find x

The Complexity of Truth

2018-06-24T02:53:00.001-04:00

What is to be said is simple, but my brain holds my tongue that my mouth may not speak. So I write.

A certain fact about myself should be that I write as I see fit. Known truth as I know it, is that what I know as true can be manipulated for the pleasing of either the listener or the speaker || the reader or the writer, perhaps both. Which means, whatever meaning the truth holds may not be what it means.

The line between truth and falsehood can be so thin that it often becomes blurred. In the process of communication, the essence of truth can be altered, shaped, and reshaped to fit the context, the audience, or the intentions of the communicator. This malleability of truth is both fascinating and disconcerting.

In my writing, I strive to convey the truth as I perceive it, yet I am aware that my perception is inherently subjective. What I understand as true is filtered through my experiences, beliefs, and biases. Consequently, the truth I present is, in a way, a reflection of myself as much as it is a depiction of reality.

This realization brings forth a critical question: can we ever truly know the absolute truth? Or are we forever bound to interpret the world through our individual lenses, each version of truth slightly different from the next?

The philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once said, "There are no facts, only interpretations." This perspective underscores the fluid nature of truth, suggesting that what we consider to be true is always subject to reinterpretation and recontextualization.

In writing, as in life, the pursuit of truth is a complex, often paradoxical journey. We seek to uncover and express what is real, yet we must navigate the inherent subjectivity of our perceptions. The challenge lies not in abandoning the quest for truth but in embracing the multiplicity of truths that coexist within our shared human experience.

The difference between truth and falsehood becomes minute when we recognize that both are shaped by the same forces of perception and interpretation. What is essential, perhaps, is not to find an absolute truth but to remain open to the diverse and evolving nature of our understanding.

As I continue to write, I do so with the awareness that my words are but one version of the truth, an invitation for others to reflect, question, and seek their own understanding.

Continuity

2018-04-09T00:31:00.001-04:00

A thing whence there was none.

Boom.

New.

I was writing a book but from the lines above you can see why I stopped writing. With a book's length of words written, I still feel like the story is not properly written. The book is about how in a twisted way, I think zero is equal to infinity.

Some friends from childhood meet over a long weekend at the main character's house in Banana Island. The main character's name is Akorede. He records the events of the weekend.

The plan is to sneak pure mathematics, philosophy, theology and basic human ignorance to prove that zero is equal to infinity.

This book was practically writing itself at the beginning, 6 years later I'm here writing this post.

The Paradox of Zero and Infinity

2016-06-24T02:47:00.003-04:00

I have heard of those who can silence the voices and conversations within their minds. They must either live in perfect bliss or be blessed with a mind free of complexity.

A dull mind.

What happens within a dull mind?

How exactly do the blind dream?

These questions have haunted me for years, driving me to explore the depths of my thoughts and beliefs. Once, I tried to prove that Zero is Infinity. A friend told me my hypothesis was illogical, asking, “If I have infinity dollars and you have zero dollars, would you still think the same way?” I responded with a verse from the Bible I remembered from Sunday School, “For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?”

I genuinely believe that Zero, or “no-thing,” can be described as Infinity. If there is such a thing as no-thing, the maximum of no-thing is nothing.

“The infinite value of that thing, no-thing, is nothing.”

“∞ = 0.”

This concept might sound absurd to many, but it holds a profound truth. In a world obsessed with material gain and quantifiable achievements, we often overlook the significance of nothingness. We fail to see the potential that lies in the void, in the absence of everything.

In mathematics, Zero is often seen as the starting point, the origin. Infinity, on the other hand, is boundless, endless. Yet, in their extremities, they converge. The universe, in its vastness, mirrors this paradox. The more we seek to understand it, the more we realize how much we don’t know.

From a Mind That Knows No Rest

2016-06-20T02:39:00.001-04:00

From a mind that knows no rest,

from a busy conscience,

I appear before you without covering,

baring my ideas as they manifest.

My thoughts are a relentless stream, a cascade of concepts and reflections that refuse to be silenced. Each moment of quiet brings forth a new wave of inspiration, urging me to capture it before it slips away. This ceaseless mental activity, this unending dialogue with myself, is both a blessing and a curse. It fuels my creativity, but it also demands my constant attention, leaving little room for respite.

In these moments of vulnerability, I strip away the layers of pretense and present my raw, unfiltered thoughts. There is a certain beauty in this honesty, in allowing oneself to be seen as they truly are. The ideas that emerge from this state are often the most profound, the most genuine, for they come from the depths of my being, untainted by the need for approval or validation.

As I navigate through the maze of my mind, I find solace in the act of creation. Whether it’s penning down my reflections or crafting a new piece of art, this process becomes my sanctuary. It is here that I can explore the myriad possibilities that my restless mind conjures, giving form to the abstract and the intangible.

In sharing these creations, I invite you into my world, a place where thoughts are free to roam and ideas are born from the chaos. It is an intimate glimpse into the workings of a mind that never sleeps, a testament to the power of introspection and the endless quest for meaning.

Through this journey, I have come to embrace the restless nature of my mind, recognizing it as an integral part of who I am. It is this restlessness that drives me to seek out new experiences, to question the status quo, and to constantly strive for growth. And in this perpetual motion, I find my peace.

Valentine's Day: Her Own Side Of The Story

2015-02-18T10:23:00.003-05:00

I am a romantic.

It doesn’t always show, and sometimes that’s intentional, but I can’t deny that I am a

hopeless romantic.

Needles to say, Valentines Day is one of my favorite days of the year. Not because of the

gifts, or the chocolate or corny movies, I love the fact that you can feel the love in the air,

that people stop and think of how to make their partner feel special, the anticipation of

how magical an ordinary day can become, the chance to just reflect on the awesomeness

that is your relationship, or how to make it more awesome than it currently is.

So when my boyfriend asked me around September last year what “celebrations” I expect

him to mark, I did not hesitate to say Valentines Day. That I believe was the beginning of

my downfall regarding Valentine's Day.

Since September, this girl had been looking forward to February 14th because she

expected that since she had made it clear that it’s a big deal to her that it was bound to be

the kind of day that only Disney could come up with…and my boyfriend of course. The

fact that I had to work and get my hair done on that day couldn’t get me down; we had

the whole evening to be romantic and all.

Come midnight, I present him with a card and a smile and say happy Valentines Day! He

looked at me funny, smiled then said “happy valentines day”…hmm, well it’s early, I tell

myself, I had to go sleep because of work so no matter. After work, I got home, washed

my hair then went out to get my hair done. Now ladies, allow me to say that I spent quite

a bit of money on the hair (*cough* Peruvian virgin hair grade 7A *cough*) and I

thought it looked nice. I walk in and he comes over to give me a hug and pauses with this

stank look on his face looking at my hair then he says, “umm is this space meant to be

there?” The space here being a part that had moved the wrong way because I wore and

took off my hood, hat head anyone? That was the beginning of his downfall that day.

Still waiting for the magic? Yeah, so was I. Anyway, I had suggested we go see a movie

and he had readily agreed, so we went and that was nice, it was an awesome movie and

we exchanged cutesy glances and stuff at the theatre and even shared a little kiss. Now

the movie started at about 10pm so my hopes of magic had gone down to 0 but I decided

to still have a good night.

Bedtime came and this girl could just not let it go. The conversation started with "What

exactly do you celebrate?" He thought for a second and said "I celebrate success", I said

"no I mean a certain time/date in the calendar,” he realized I was talking

about Valentine's day so he asked if I wasn’t pleased with how the day went, I said I

wished we celebrated it.

He asked what I expected, and as any woman can tell you, I did not know exactly what I

wanted, I just knew I didn’t get it. So I said, “I dunno, a card, a nice note, something” and

being emotional and all, I proceeded to say our whole relationship could do with a little

more romance…yeah I messed up.

After an uncomfortable and longish discussion, I came to realize that my boyfriend and I

have VERY different definitions of romance, his being more of the I love to take care of

you, I sit in very uncomfortable positions for extended periods of time so you can cuddle

with me romance and mine being the occasional cute card or hand written note, and, dare

I say it, flowers!

My boyfriend being the amazing man that he is, has promised to make every valentines

day from here on out, not like the one that just passed, and I have promised to appreciate

the little things a little more.

Long live Valentines Day!

Valentine's Day

2015-02-15T02:32:00.000-05:00

My girlfriend says our relationship lacks romance, she says that I should send notes and give her cards for Valentine's day.

The conversation started with "What exactly do you celebrate?" I thought for a second and the first thing that came to my mind was "I celebrate success." She said "No I mean a certain time/date in the calendar."

I realized she was talking about Valentine's day so I asked her if our little Valentine's day charade was not up to par.

She said she wished I celebrated it.

I was stunned for some minutes mainly because I thought the day went on well.

At mid-night, she said Happy Valentine's day and gave me a card and I responded. We went to bed, she woke up and went to work. When she got back I was sleeping, I had a long night the day before. She went to wash her hair, when she was done she kissed me and told me she was going to make her hair.

By the time she got back, I was fully awake and I welcomed her back home. I was excited to see her. She had just made her hair, it was a new look and I knew she would be expecting me to notice it and say something good, BUT, I noticed something odd about the hair and it showed on my face. That I believe was the beginning of my downfall on Valentine's day.

We had guests in the house and we were playing Monopoly, my darling girlfriend was right next to me the whole time. She sneezed a few times and I checked up on her. Later on I had the chance to sneak away, so I did and I called her upstairs to be alone together. But these past few days she has decided to keep herself busy doing other things with her reason being "I do not want to be idle".

Anyway we had planned to go see a movie, we went to the movie, we enjoyed our movie and we went back home. We went straight upstairs to the bedroom leaving our guests who were comfortable were we left them.

I picked up my laptop having plans to continue writing my novel but I noticed that she seemed a little off, so I dropped my laptop and called her over so we could cuddle and what not. It was then she decided to open up to me.

I admit my failures today as a lover, for not buying a card or a gift. I should have thought of her feelings.

She said our relationship lacks romance and for the span of our relationship I had not shown any romantic gesture.

That hurt, and it hurt deep. I have always felt everyday should be a day to show your partner that you truly care for them and that you love them. I never believed cards and gifts were measures of ones love.

But since she is my lover and that is part of her standard of measuring love, this post is here to remind me of the oath I have made tonight.

To make every valentines day different from this very one.

Je suis helpless romantic.

2014-07-15T17:27:00.000-04:00

I'm far from lonely, but here I am feeling the way I felt when I really had no one around.
I've got words to say, but here I am with the words finding their way back inside me.

...
I need someone I can call my own, but all the females around me do not match up to the previous.

I can't settle for less. Well I will not.
That's what I keep telling myself.

Young lady out there looking for a Young helpless romantic.

Je m'appele Kommy.

Ones

2013-12-07T08:48:00.000-05:00

the old "ones" pass...

the new "ones" come...

new "ones" become old...

the old "ones" become the one...

even when there is a new "ones"...

the thought of having more than one "ones" comes...

but a choice has to be made because no matter how the "english" can be said or how the truth can be manipulated to make sense, more than one, "ones" isnt one any more...

but i stay true to the one...

just me n my one...

we equal one...

KOMMYTILA HAS SPOKEN.

We say different things.

2013-11-30T00:52:00.000-05:00

I will love you till the end of time.

My goodness, you always look so good.

We do not need money to love.

My goodness, I will pay to love you.

I can wait a million years.

My goodness, if I wait another minute I will die.

Why can't you get the drift?

My goodness. Why can't You get the the drift?

What She Said...

2013-11-29T23:30:00.000-05:00

KONFIRMED SHORT STORIES

"Where did you hear that one now..."

The words she said when she was told the first time.

"I dont think he is my type, plus you can never know if he is serious or not."

The words she said, every time someone approached her about him...

"I think he is a nice person, you just have to get to know him"

The words she said trying to defend him...

"I dont know?, he is in Ohio with his girlfriend. I guess he is fine"

The words she said when they asked about him...

"Why do you people keep asking me about him, please he is history"

The words she said when she met some1 else...

"I am a big girl, I can take care of myself"

What she says to make herself feel better.

Do You, Do The Do-Able.

2013-11-27T15:43:00.000-05:00

Heading back home at 7:33pm, Lagos really does seem peaceful tonight, streetlights are on, no traffic, birds are swimming, and pigs are flying. I know what awaits me when I get home. Continuous nagging from the wife who at this point needs a divorce.

Kommytila, do you think I need to remain in the useless marriage? I mean, we got married because she got pregnant for me 8 years ago and the boy she gave birth to, died when he was only four.

DO YOU BOO BOO!

I have been dating this guy now for 2months. We met at a friend’s party and all. He has another girlfriend but he called me his wife and all. He even said he thinks we are both gonna get married. And oh my goodness he has a really huge package, like I think he needs to be a pornstar. But the only sad part is when we do it. I’m like is that it and it hurts all through. Kommytila, what can a girl like me do?

DO YOU BOO BOO!

I am a happily married man, married to a half-caste hottie with four beautiful girls, My first daughter is married to a musician and she has a son for him. He is a member of a twin music group, she is being taken care of properly even though. I would have wanted her to continue her education, my second daughter is beautiful but has no thoughts, plans for tomorrow. She gets back at odd hours of the night. My third daughter just got suspended from high school for putting a male students prick in her mouth and the last girl she is 8 years old, we still sleeps with my wife and I and she still wets the bed. Kommytila, what can be done about my situation?

DO THE DO-ABLE

Shout out to the voices in my head for telling me their problems. May their issues be solved and may they continue to provide me with materials to write.

The word between like and love [ L__E ]

2013-09-30T15:21:00.002-04:00

Often, we leap from 'like' to 'love' because we're unsure of how to label our feelings.

These last three posts are drawn from my personal experiences. There have been numerous instances where I've wanted to express my feelings to a woman...

Yet, it's incredibly challenging because I know my emotions extend beyond 'like'. So, I tell her I love her. However, as soon as the words 'I love you' escape my lips, I feel as though I've committed a transgression against God. After all, they say 'God is love', and I certainly don't feel selfless affection for the woman.

So, I'm on a quest to find the elusive word that exists between 'like' and 'love'. Could it be 'loke'? Or perhaps 'liev'? For now, I'll refer to it as 'L__E'.

Simultaneously, I invite you to ponder and share your thoughts on the topic of "dating someone versus being in a relationship with someone". Are they the same or are they different?

Le Get Away

2013-08-30T01:10:00.000-04:00

They say time heals,

but I still hurt the same.

I came here to... get away.

Its a marvellous night to write.

pa pa rampa pa pa ri pa pa rampa.

what that means, only my spirit knows.

As the words appear, It hurts less by the second.

I'm crying out and I can't do it on my own, I need you.

Wish I could go back, when the magic existed in us, true lovers.

Fatima, Fatima, Fatima

2013-08-20T15:37:00.000-04:00

I wanted somebody to want me.
I needed somebody to need me.
I wanted somebody to crave me.

Now all my prayers have been answered with a great clause.

Now that I have found someone to call my own, I am faced with trials that may test fate and faith.

Now there is a hurdle in front of me.

How do I jump OR leap over it?

How do I explain to one I believe to be my missing rib that the different religions we both belong to hinder our progress?

HENCE

Will I prevail?

?Which one of us will have to make a huge decision that may affect our eternity

Will I still have someone who wants me?

?Will changing religions make the individual that changes incomplete for the rest of the individuals life

Will I still have someone who craves me?

MY FAIR LADY LETS LIVE IN THE NOW, THE TODAY AND LET TOMORROW HANDLE ITSELF?

Top Secret Affair | ACT I

2013-08-19T02:17:00.000-04:00

ACT I

[Scene I]

The boy sets up a video camera and begins recording. He appears to be stained in blood.

Boy:

Hello everyone out there, I am here today not because I want to but because I need to. I know something you need to know if you do not know already. There is something very big that cannot remain private simply because it concerns the general public. It all started six months ago, right after my father’s All-State Comedy Tour. The last place he performed was at Kapitol Hall. It was his first time performing for the President and other top government officials. When he got back, he told my mother about the type of reception he got from the audience. I was in the living room as well, but I was certainly not part of the conversation. I was still considered too young for certain conversations.

[Scene II]

Living room, young boy sitting on the floor watching television, mother on the sofa, knitting a sweater.

Father:

Hello, who is happy to see me?

Mother:

You are late. Did you stop over at your other family’s house that we do not know about?

Father:

You certainly know how to welcome a husband into his own home.

Mother:

Still does not change the fact that you are late. I made dinner two hours ago. Your meal is in the microwave.

Young Boy:

Daddy! How was your tour? I want to hear all about it.

Father:

It was nice. I met a lot of people, and the crowd responded well. They were a little stiff at the beginning, but they opened up later on.

Young Boy:

Did you meet the president after the show?

Father:

We will talk later on. Your mother needs me right now.

Mother:

Tell us about the President and the rumors. Are they true?

Father:

Well, I do not know. But I saw Tolani Ajanaku after the show. She seems to be nothing like she appears on television.

Mother:

Really? Is that why you came home late? Korede, go to your room. Your father and I need to discuss adult matters.

[Scene III]

Boy in front of the video camera.

Boy:

I pretended to go to my room. I stopped and overheard my parents’ conversation. My father spoke about the kind of people he met and had conversations with. He mentioned something that caught my attention. He spoke about the newscaster on the NTA Newsline. The conversation he had with her and told my mom that we were moving to the capital. And she was going to be our next-door neighbor. He said she wants to move away from the capital to a quiet town or city where she can live a private life. While he was still conversing with my mother, he said there are many ways to redemption, and some of them are not peaceful. My mother seemed to have a lot against the woman she only knew over the television screen. I discovered why later on.

[Scene IV]

Boy packs his belongings. Narration continues.

Boy (Voiceover):

I was in SS2 when my father mentioned we would be moving. The move was not made in my best interest, but I was excited regardless. My next-door neighbor was going to be the woman who makes married men and younger boys watch the news every Sunday night. The countdown to the move began. After five months of packing, planning, and strategizing, we finally moved to our new home in the capital. I believe I was the happiest of the bunch. I was in the Federal Capital Territory, the place where the current and future plans involving our country are discussed.

[Scene V]

Family arrives at the new house. Boy looks around excitedly.

Boy (Voiceover):

Our new house had three bedrooms, one of which was an en-suite, two living rooms, a dining room, a lovely kitchen, an office, a laundry room, two and a half bathrooms, a garden in front and at the back. It was a really nice house. My mother was excited; she loved the house maybe more than everyone. I know the least happy of us was my father. He must have spent a fortune on the house. My parents had the movers move their things into the master bedroom. I was given an option to select between the other two rooms. Without hesitation, I selected the room with the windows facing Miss Tolani’s house. There was a window right opposite mine. I hoped and prayed it was the window leading to her room.

[Scene VI]

Family dinner. Boy is asked about his future plans.

Father:

What are your future plans after secondary school?

Boy:

Since I got into secondary school, I have been battling a serious dilemma. I am not sure if I want to be a journalist or a politician, so being in the capital made me feel like a child at the North Pole. I plan to test the water.

Family says goodnight. Boy goes to his room.

[Scene VII]

Boy enters his room. The lights in the other house are on. He sees a woman undressing.

Boy (Voiceover):

When I walked into my room, the lights in the other house were on, and I watched quietly as a female undressed from what looked like an evening dress or gown. She was the only other woman aside from my mother I had seen naked. Her body was more defined than my mother’s. I grabbed my camera and attempted to zoom in to see if it was who I thought it was or one of her guests, perhaps her daughter if she had any children. But as I tried to zoom in, my fingers did something else entirely, and a picture was taken with a flash. At this point, she was facing me. I froze, and it seemed like time froze for a second. She did not get dressed in a hurry; she simply wore her nightgown, walked graciously to the light switch. I was in shock and did not move. I cannot recall going to bed that night. I dreamt about nothing.

[Scene VIII]

Boy wakes up on the floor, close to the window facing Miss Tolani’s room. He wakes up with a plan.

Boy (Voiceover):

The next morning, I woke up on the floor close to the window facing Miss Tolani’s room. I woke up with a plan. I was going to walk over to her house and introduce myself.

[Scene IX]

Boy walks to Miss Tolani’s house and knocks on the door.

Boy:

Hello, Miss Tolani. My name is Korede. I just moved in next door, and I wanted to introduce myself.

Miss Tolani:

Hello, Korede. It’s nice to meet you. How are you finding the new neighborhood?

Boy:

I love it here. I was wondering if you need any help. I could be your assistant.

Miss Tolani:

An assistant? That’s interesting. What makes you think I need one?

Boy:

I know you’re a journalist, and I want to learn more about journalism. Plus, I have some free time after school.

Miss Tolani:

Well, let’s see. How about you come over tomorrow after school, and we’ll discuss it?

Boy:

Thank you, Miss Tolani. I’ll be here.

Boy leaves with a smile, hopeful for what’s to come.

[Scene X]

Boy in front of the video camera again.

Boy:

Sometimes I look at you and it feels like nothing ever changed, like we’re still together. I look at your face and realize how lucky I was to ever have you, and it kills me to know that I cannot just reach out and talk to you anymore. If you love me, you will let me go. Do not count the days; make the days count. I have been searching all around for a woman like you. The love I have for you is non-stop.

Boy’s expression turns somber.

Boy:

First, I am overwhelmed by grief and the reason I do this is because of the truth. The truth must come out, no matter the cost.

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End of Act I

It finally rained

2013-07-12T02:32:00.001-04:00

Three days after my birthday, still hoping for rain, I woke up before 7 a.m. The Lord sent a message to me through my younger sister the previous day; she brought good news. In our lengthy conversation, she said it rained all day in the city where I was born. She said the ground was filled with water. At the time we spoke, what we said had no meaning.

Right after sleep left my eyes and my dreams had ended, I said a thank-you prayer to my God for waking me up and for giving me the grace to praise His name. I remember asking for His guidance throughout the day. But little did I know that I would later on fall into sin before 8 a.m.

The Magna Carta Album by Jay-Z was released to Samsung Galaxy owners, and luckily for me, I happened to be one of the lucky recipients. The little form of kindness from Samsung ensured the purchase of their next available product. With my earphones plugged into my ears, my laptop on the work table, and my fully charged Samsung phone by my side, I was ready for the day’s tasks.

Thoughts of my close friend, whom we shall address as Madame, had just been visited by the red sin of Eve. Several times, I tried to imagine how difficult the visit might be, but I had been told several times to focus on matters that directly affect me. It must surely hurt to be a daughter of Eve. Thinking of ways to ease her pain, I made breakfast for her. That was number one on the list of things to ease her day. By the grace of God, I hoped to continue to ease her pain all day.

After my prayer for guidance, I walked around the apartment to arrange my mess from the previous day. During the process, I saw my Bible. The Lord knows it had been a while since I personally picked up my Bible to read. I eventually read my Bible, and I will tell you the verses I read and what they meant to me.

A half hour after the meal had been prepared for Madame, I felt a sweet sensation around my body. It was almost like I was at peace with everything. Most importantly, at that moment, I was at peace with myself. It was raining.

When I woke up this morning, before I prayed and thanked God for a new day, I checked my emails through my cellphone. One of the emails I received was from Bible Gateway. I opened the email, and there were two passages I was to read. The first one was Job 30-31, and the second one was Acts 13:26-52.

After reading the passage from Acts, I knew I had to pray and thank God. Shortly after, I was tempted. I fell into sin again. But glory be to the Lord and to His word. I opened my Bible after seeing it hidden in a little corner on the work table. I opened it at random and landed on Judges 6. I read the whole chapter. I got to a verse that made tears gush out of my eyes. I cried like I had never cried before or in a while. I wept because of the words Gideon spoke when he was visited. They were words I wished I had said to my God a long time ago. He said, and I read from Judges 6:18, “Do not go away until I come back and bring my offering to you.”

In that moment, I realized the depth of my longing for divine connection and guidance. The rain outside became a symbol of renewal, washing away my sins and filling me with hope. As the drops fell steadily, I felt a sense of purification, as if each drop carried away the weight of my mistakes and brought with it a promise of new beginnings.

The rest of the day unfolded with a sense of purpose and clarity. I continued my tasks with a lighter heart, knowing that despite my flaws, I was loved and forgiven. Madame appreciated the small gestures of care, and I found joy in serving her, knowing that through these acts, I was expressing my gratitude to God.

By evening, the rain had subsided, leaving behind a fresh, clean world. I sat by the window, reflecting on the day’s events, feeling an overwhelming sense of peace. The rain, which I had so eagerly awaited, had brought with it more than just water; it had brought a spiritual cleansing, a renewal of faith, and a reminder of God’s unwavering love and grace.

Music And My Love Life.

2013-03-06T12:01:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite musicians of all time happens to be Sade.

I have secretly pondered on why I like her songs so much.

Well Today I figured it out while listening to Sade's No Ordinary Love.

It reminded me of my high school love, who truly did all she could and I did not reciprocate the love. Her love for me seemed more than ordinary. I just was not ready for it. I felt I could do better than her. I did not want to settle for something I believed to be less.

At that time in high school Usher was my favorite artist, I appeared to be like a Rake, I attracted females with little or no effort atleast that's what others thought. I was always in a relationship and if it things were not working out I moved on to another.

Then again, during my low points, I listen to Sade's songs because she always had a lover she was singing for. She always sang about the love she had for him and how she was not going to back down or she sang about how the love her lover gave her was the best. She always made me want to be the lover she sang about. It was then I realized I lost a great love, perhaps my first love. I believe subconsciously I replaced my supposed first love with Sade and her lyrics.

After a while I realized the females I fell for were always the "romantic type" even if they did not show it. I always found them. They were always the ones who suffered from a serious heartbreak. I always felt it was my responsibility to rescue them, thinking if I can make them love again it will make up for my high school error. But once they fall for me, I leave them with a deeper hole than I met. I leave them in a worse state, simply because my scars are not healed and because the hole in my soul is greater than what they can fill up.

So what did I do? I listened to Sade more. Hoping I will find someone like her or my first love again or someone better. But brrr it never happened. I tried to fill my hole with several cravings, pleasures and fantasies. Yet it remained.

Usher was no longer encouraging to me so I searched for an artist who understood me or an artist whose case was similar to mine.

The Weeknd became a good friend for a while, simply because his songs are indeed sad and he lets the world know about his pain and how he tries to cover them up.

After a long time of being a fan of his, I tried to get out of that phase. I began to search for an artist who was happy and in need of love. That was when I found Wizkid.

Wizkid made me love again, he made me start going out again. His songs gave me encouragement to find a woman to love even if it was for one night. Sadly I never felt true love with any of the women so I went back into a little form of depression. That was when I found Lana Del Rey.

She seemed to be truly happy with her sadness. She seemed like she will stick with her man no matter the weather. It made me feel like I had more hope. Like I did not have to change who I believe I was.

I'm happy now that there are better songs I can still listen to. But Sade still remains one of them. That on it's own probably means I am still searching.

From Henry To My Mistress

2012-08-26T01:17:00.000-04:00

Verse 1

Perhaps you do not understand

but I cannot sleep. i can hardly breathe, thinking of you.

Your image is before my eyes every waken second

I almost believed that I will sacrifice my Kingdom, for an hour in your arms

I beg you.

Name someplace that we can meet and when

that I can show you truly an affection which is beyond common affection

Chorus

I'm sorry if I offended you

i did not mean to.

i spoke plainly of my true feelings.

Verse 2

I want to say something to you.

If It pleases you to be my true loyal mistress and friend.

To give yourself surrender yourself body and soul.

I promise, I will take you as my only mistress

I won't have a third or an affection for anyone else

If you agree to be my matrees entree (official mistress)

I promise, I will serve only you.

Chorus

I'm sorry if I offended you

i did not mean to.

i spoke plainly of my true feeling.

I give you leave that we may always speak freely with each other

honestly, openly and with a true heart.

For me that is the true definition of love.

Edited words from Henry