How do you teach that? How do you really teach a kid to think? They want to be spoon fed material and simply give it back in the exact same form. I ask questions. I lead them…guide them…point and push them in the right direction. Each year I grow increasingly frustrated.

Education is leaving the kids in the middle behind. The high flyers are going to achieve. There are classes for them, and they would think beyond expectation even if there were no classes. The low achievers have too many opportunities to count. (First time in the class, retests, test corrections, tutorial sessions, portfolio opportunity if they fail, summer school, virtual classes for credit recovery, retaking the course, school support programs for at risk students – communities in schools, mentoring, peer tutorials- and I have probably left out many.) There isn’t anything for the average student. Those students who are at risk for slipping or could easily be pushed to the next level are falling through the cracks because they do not create a disruption and they aren’t hurting test scores. They are getting by and that’s OK.

Is getting by OK? I don’t think so. There has to be something for these students. I just don’t know what to suggest yet.

We have added a member to the family. His name is Pachelbel. He is a long haired chocolate dachshund. He has adjusted very well. Tiki loves her new toy, but Tchaikovsky is not so sure about the little fur ball that keeps chasing him. So far everyone is getting along just fine.

Big kid off the NYC and Tween still in AL, I had a typical post spring break Monday…high absences and a mix of sleepy and hyper students. Shadow was still teaching two classes but I was taking over the most difficult class. It was fun to be teaching again! Came home and thoroughly enjoyed my kid free time.

Tuesday I had no issue getting out of bed and getting out the door. (I was actually early!!!) Lot of good it did me, my car wouldn’t start. Fortunately, I have good friends who are willing to rescue me. With a jump start, that was really quick and painless, I took my car to the auto store for a battery test. No issue. Hmmm? Off to work, late but at least there, I had auto tech take a look. Same thing, no issues. Crud. No problems for the rest of the week. Saturday rolls around and it is time to retrieve the Tween. (Big Kid returned Friday.) The car decided to be contrary again. Again, thankful for good friends, a jump start got me to the auto store for a new battery. This time the old one tested like it had a bad cell. I am very fortunate that my car did not strand me anywhere.

Sunday morning we went on another adventure. We started the church hunt. Previously I posted that I was uncomfortable attending where we had been. Today I decided it was time to at least try to find somewhere that we fit. The sermon for today was “having a giving heart.” Usually I am rather offended with give, give, give sermons but this one wasn’t like that. I found the lead in to be rather interesting. It involved the fiduciary relationship of individuals and banks. The Average Joe giving money to the banker for safe keeping and building up a savings. Then Average Joe decides to withdraw savings only to find that the banker has used the money for something else, thereby breaking the contract. I know that the purpose of the example was to clarify that we are simply asset managers, or stewards of our money. But it made me think of churches and how they use money. For instance, outlining a series of projects and goals that the church wishes to accomplish, then these things never happen and it is clear that the intention was lost. Where did the money go? Why wasn’t the change of direction addressed? People committed to the projects and now the goals have changed and money is being directed somewhere else. That may be OK, but why did the game change and why was nothing said to those investing in the projects?

Anyway, as church goes it was not bad. The music was good. The teaching was good. It was not the normal pastor so we will visit again. I also feel that visits should be elsewhere and I shouldn’t land on a church without seeking comparison. This is something to explore and I think I am ready to do so. I hope.

My aunt is doing well. She has a slight respite this chemo period, three weeks instead of two. That will give her a little break this time. The past several times have been very difficult with her just starting to feel OK and then starting another round. She runs out of energy fast and has pain, but the nausea seems better this time.

Make the most of your time people. It is important to look back with a smile at the memories instead of regret at the time lost.

(click to play along)

Sunday Stealing: The April No Fools’ Meme

1. What was the last clothing item that you bought?
Socks, my kids keep stealing mine!

2. If you could stay one age forever, what age would you choose?
I’m rather happy with where I am, but it would require others to remain the same age too. I’m not opposed to aging, just the slow down that naturally comes along.

3. When you say “lol”, are you really laughing?
Mos.t of the time yes. Sometimes it is the uncomfortable laugh that means I really don’t know what to say

4. What is the most interesting thing you’ve done in the past year?
Interesting? Interesting as in cool or interesting as in life changing? I’m going to avoid this question and simply say that I have had lots of interesting changes over the last year.

5. If you started a business, what would it be?
Dog rescue. Not necessarily a business, but I think it counts.

6. Do your friends/family/coworkers know about your blog?
Some. I don’t mind most people knowing about it, but since I am a teacher I do try to be a little careful.

7. How long does it take you to write an average blog post?
I have been blogging and blog hopping for an hour this morning.

8. How do you keep up with the blogs you follow?
Google reader. I wish there were more comment features. I review blogs when I have down time and sometimes I would like to comment, but it isn’t easily done from the reader on my phone.

9. What is your bedtime? Is sex always involved?
My bedtime is when I can get to it. Sex? Hmmm, getting a little personal aren’t we?

10. Introvert or extrovert?
introvert

11. What is your biggest fear?
Losing loved ones.

12. What is the best job you ever had?
I am currently happy with my job. There are frustrations and trials, but I love what I do and where I am. I will eventually leave, but it is not because I do not like it. It is not convenient or the best situation for me and my girls.

13. Dog person/cat person/both/neither?
Woof!

14. If you had $1,000 to spend any way you wanted, what would you do with it?
Pay off debt.

15. How do you “dress” your toast?
Is this a strange euphemism I am not familiar with? Um, with cheese?

16. How do you feel about snow?
Ahhh, pretty. Melt now.

17. What was the worst job you ever had?
Teaching at a freshman center in AL. I was a floating teacher and the school was nothing but cliques that didn’t accept outsiders. It. Was. Awful.

18. What song can you not stop listening to?
Set Fire to the Rain

19. Love your name or hate it?
Not a big fan.

20. How did you choose your blog/twitter handle?
For a while I went by HappyTchr on chat forums. People would refer to me as simply Happy. After a visit to Haiti I liked the phrase ‘kontan jou’ or happy day so when I started blogging I went with kontan.

I should change topics before this post deteriorates into a organized religion bashing event.

Heading to AL this week and looking forward to a visit with my Aunt. She is in the throws of chemo and dealing with the side effects as best she can. Unfortunately, I have had to pull the girls from school for a week. This bothers me greatly, but I feel that it is the best thing for us right now. They need time with their “grandmother” and it will be cherished later. We have gotten their work for the week and each day will have some element of school. I don’t think they mind the two week spring break either.

Long drive ahead and much to do before our afternoon journey. Thanks for stopping by.

Kontan Jou.

Regarding work, I am somewhat bored. My student teacher has taken over all the classes. I am able to complete much of the tedious junk that us teachers have to do, while wondering how I ever got everything done before. Shadow is still struggling with classroom management. It is the most difficult task to learn. One can study the content and implement various activities simply by following researched instructions. Classroom management has to be learned on the job. You can research methods all day long, but most are merely theoretical and work in classrooms that do not resemble the classrooms I teach in. I know my students can behave, they do so for me! Over the years I have learned to command the room. You can either do it my way in the classroom or be escorted out and do it my way after your suspension/ISS time. See, I offer choices.

Regarding life…it’s life. What else can I say? The separation is legally official. People assume they know more than they do. People judge. People can get over themselves. It isn’t easy, but we manage. Being a 10 month employee I am scared to death over the summer situation. I plan to teach summer school. Plan to get a second job. Haven’t been successful securing that and it isn’t time for summer school applications. I guess I will cross that bridge when it gets here…feels more like an unstable zip line though.

My aunt has had several rounds of chemo now. The serious cocktail begins next round. I worry about her. For the most part she is tolerating everything well and dealing with the side effects. The trip to Chicago every two weeks is trying. The chemo is doing its job. We are hopeful. That is as much as I can say. I have been wondering why my cousin and aunt are not journaling. I created a website for them to update people. Now I know. When you start typing you start thinking. Reality is a smack in the face. IBC is not a lazy cancer. It doesn’t play nice and it wins. All you can do is fight for your time. How do you put a positive spin on that?

I have a student teacher this semester (I call her Shadow) and I am still trying to figure out how I feel about it. She is nice enough. Young. She has a teacher voice already, but she doesn’t know how to use it. Each day she gets a little more comfortable in front of her class. I’m not sure that easing her in is the best method, but that is what we are told to do.

My experience was vastly different. I observed the first day and took ALL the classes on the second. YIKES! It was truly a trial by fire and I had to jump in with both feet. It was the best thing for me. I learned how to take charge of the classroom, take attendance, calculate grades, and even learned a little about instruction! I taught US history and was comfortable with my subject matter. I didn’t know everything but I was prepared for each class and did rather well.

Shadow is seriously content weak. I find it very difficult to not step in and help when she struggles. When she is blatantly wrong I feel an obligation to help redirect toward right. It is important that I get better at this so I do not hinder her authority in the classroom. Classroom management is her other issue. It takes years to learn how to command the room. She HAS to speed it up if she hopes to handle all the classes in two weeks.

The other issue, she’s cute…and the boys think so. Some are still immature and don’t know how to seek positive attention. They show out to get her attention and there are times I have to step in to get them back in line. There is one that has a greater maturity and knows how to flirt. He’s 18, she’s 21. NO. Down boy.

Not sure how I feel about the student teacher thing and not certain that I will agree to have one again. Not teaching for 3.5 hours in the middle of the day allows me to get a lot done, but it is also difficult to keep my energy up.

We shall see how it all plays out.

In trying to decide a blog prompt I found a quote from Voltaire that almost touches the feelings I have. Sometimes I really feel alone in this struggle of life. I have good friends, but I do not utilize their willingness to listen. I am glad that they do not pry, but offended that some don’t even bother asking where I have been or how I am doing. I have really found out who my friends are. They are the ones who do not push, but they also won’t leave me alone. There are some who would drop everything at a moments notice if I simply said I needed them.

I have seen great maturity in my children. The teen displays responsibility and empathy, along with a do what you have to do drive that I didn’t know she had. The tween struggles, but she does what she has to do and makes sure she knows what is expected of her. There are times I wish she would show more emotion. I know she is worried about life. What does the separation mean for her? What treatment is mawmaw going to get? When? What is it going to do to her? When will she be cured? These are my questions too. I don’t think the tween understands what ‘there is no cure’ really means. Everything done is simply buying time.

Short of the story, my aunt has been three months with a diagnosis and no treatment. Most of the time IBC patients receive treatment within days of diagnosis. It seems that UAB’s cancer center just wanted to study her. That’s not OK. With my cousin here things started getting done, but still no treatment. So she got my aunt into a center in Chicago. They leave Wednesday. I hope too much time has not been lost.

I am here. Helpless. Hopeful.

I’m not thrilled with the hand life has dealt…not for me or many in my family. Sometimes we get the opportunity to exchange some cards for new cards. We never know the consequences of this choice, but we hope that the new hand will take us down a better path. In life we tend to keep our poker face on. No one really knows what is going on inside. Sometimes the goal is to just survive, bluff our way through. Sometimes it is to advance the game, raise the stakes, and win big. What is really winning though? Surviving? Making it to the end? No one gets out alive. How do you win? I choose to believe that if you can smile, you are on the way to winning.

There are some days I’m not winning. I feel so buried in the chaos that I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. There are other days I’m pretty sure that light is a train, not sunshine. I want to upset the balance of sunshine and train. I know that the path I have chosen is walking toward the sunshine. I just hope there isn’t a train coming around the corner.

Regardless of the hand we are dealt, we have to make decisions for ourselves. That does not mean that we ignore everyone else, that we act selfishly and without regard to the consequences of our decisions. It means that we have to make our own choices and live our own life, but in context of the grand scheme. We should not make decisions with a complete disregard for others, or ourselves. We have to look at all aspects, positive and negative, and take the negatives of life and learn from them. I would not be the person I am today without the life I have had.

What does the future hold?

The Road Not Taken
Robert Frost

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.