Now Travis and I “knew” pretty early on. I’m sure that not everyone knows as early as we did, and in some ways, knowing that early freaked us out a little.

This is what it boiled down to for me:

First things first, I had a list of what I was looking for, everyone does whether they admit it or not. My list was not written down by any means, just some things I knew I had to have. Here are some of the major ones:

1. Loves God and loves people. Travis does this better than anyone I know.
2. Has a heart and life mission for ministry. I knew based on how God has captured me, and wired me that I had to have this in someone. (Amos 3:3 - Can two people walk together, without agreeing on the direction?) This didn’t necessarily mean full-time vocational ministry, but it did mean intentionally living a life that’s about serving and ministering. Travis lives and breathes this, it is his heartbeat in so many ways, and he does it with authenticity. He’s not so concerned about what his “job” is, although right now it is ministry, he’s concerned about living a life that matters.
3. A great question I’d ask myself is, if I had a child that grew up to be like ______ (the person I was dating) would I be okay with it? A big YES on this one - I’d love it. Essentially this boils down to good character.
4. Shared sense of humor
5. Similar ways of handling money
6. Could fight fairly, and wasn’t opposed to the idea of counseling should our marriage or one of us ever need it.
7. Spiritual Leader

I’m sure that’s not it, but those are the big ones.

Obviously Travis had these things, but that’s not how I knew. In reality checking off the list only gets us so far, and quite honestly finding someone who meets the things on our list is in some ways the easy part. For me how I “knew”, had a lot more to do with how comfortable I was in the relationship and with Travis, and I think they have to do with a confidence in how I knew he felt about me. It was things like this:

1. I could/can easily tell him anything I was thinking/feeling/wanting/needing, etc. etc. It wasn’t effort at all. I never had to gear myself up to talk to him about something difficult, even the difficult conversations happened naturally.
2. I’ve really never wondered how he felt about me, never felt the need to have a DTR, cause he always made it so obvious. He was the first one to want to tell people about me and our relationship. I don’t sit around and think, oh I wish he would do xyz (bring me flowers, give me a card, cuddle, or whatever) for me, then I’d feel good about things. He did all those things, and didn’t leave me wanting, and I know that if there ever is something I want from him, I just have to ask, and he’ll do it gladly.
3. There was a sense I had/have that I couldn’t possibly screw things up. That it would take something completely out of character for me to make him question things, stop or slow down the relationship. There was no fear on my part of being too needy with him, and I think that’s a two way street. It comes from me being grounded in Christ, knowing and putting my hope in God as the one who meets my needs, and not having unrealistic expectations of Travis. Travis in turn isn’t overwhelmed with an “I can’t possibly be enough” feeling, and therefore is ready and able to be God’s way of meeting my emotional needs when I have them, even when I’m being overly sensitive or emotional. At the same time, Travis isn’t afraid of loving in a sacrificial way - I mean come on, the boy gave up his iPhone for me! Now that is L-O-V-E!
4. I can and do accept Travis for who he is right now and I know he does the same for me. I don’t need him or have expectations of him changing. I think this is a big part of the “knowing”. Finding someone that you are genuinely that comfortable with. Even with the other guys I dated, there was kind of always that one thing, that I’d think, I would really need for this to change for things to work out.

Now, I’m not saying either one of us is perfect, we are both definitely not! There are things about the other that frustrate us at times, we’ve had fights, and I’m sure we’ll have more, but we are both comfortable with who the other person is, and what they struggle with. For me it wasn’t about finding someone with no struggles, it was about finding someone who could admit to the imperfections they did have, and was actively pursuing Christ, and sanctification, and willing to grow and change as Christ lead them. I also accept him for who he is right now, not who I want him to be, or think he will be.

Again, I realize this looks different for everybody. And I don’t think that “knowing” like this happens for everyone as quickly as it has happened for Travis and I. These are just my own thoughts and experiences for what it’s worth to anyone else.

I wanted to share my story of how he actually proposed, but first before I do that, I want to say a few things: I know a lot of you have been coming to my blog, or found my blog because I’m single and I’ve written about being single off and on. Rest assured, I am not one of those women whose life is going to revolve around the wedding or my new roll as fiance or soon-to-be wife, although certainly that will come up now and then. I’ve spent a lot of years single, I understand that life stage intimately, and I still feel called to write for and hopefully encourage those who are single. After all, some of the people that have meant the most to me in my singleness have been my married friends, and I certainly hope to be that kind of married person as well. I also want to say for any of you singles reading this that I, more than anyone, know that I haven’t done anything to get myself to this point, I’m not any better, or more deserving than any of you who are still longing. I didn’t magically figure something out that made it all happen. I wish I could give you a formula or a genie in a bottle, but it just doesn’t work that way, as much as we’d like it to sometimes. Even being in it, there are things to this whole process that are still a mystery to me. I will say that I hope to share from my own experience the things I learned along the way. Some of the things that didn’t make sense to me then, but make a little more sense now. Things like - what in the world do people mean when they say they “just knew” or the fine line between a healthy love and affection and something less than, or at least what those things have looked like for me. I hope you stick around even though I’m no longer single, and I hope you are encouraged as much.

OK, now The Whole Story:

Like most people nowadays Travis and I had talked about getting married before the question was “officially” put on the table. So I knew it was coming, and I waited…. and waited a little more…. and waited a little more. Now Travis was trying to manage all of this. Get the ring, meet my family, try to communicate to me that he’s not putting me off, and at the same time keep it a surprise. In the week before he officially proposed I may have had an emotional “why aren’t we engaged already” moment. Travis told me to trust him, not to worry about it, and to stop putting pressure on it, from the standpoint of he was going as fast as he could, as (and I knew this) the ring was taking much longer than originally thought to get. And that is another story in itself.

Anyway, last Friday I headed up to IA to spend my birthday weekend with him. My birthday was on Saturday. When I arrived at his parent’s house, he had my birthday presents set out on the bed I sleep in there. The ones from him were not wrapped, but instead tied with ribbons that just so happened to be the colors we had discussed using for the wedding. I tried not to read anything into that specifically. One of the gifts was a yankee candle in the”wedding day” scent. Again, I tried not to read too much into it. I mean, I was working hard at not worrying and taking the pressure off, like he had requested.

He took me to dinner, and I got to pick where, so naturally, I picked Mexican. Nothing fancy or out of the ordinary for us. After dinner we went back to his parent’s house to watch a movie, but were unsuccessful at getting the code to work so we could watch it. We ended up just sitting around a little and at one point he said “What’s your birthday wish?” I ummed a little and said, “I don’t know” so he pressed again, and I responded “Well I do have one, but I’m not allowed to talk about it.” He smiled and laughed a little, and responded with “Well, if you wish on a shooting star maybe it will come true.” Once again, I brushed it off as him teasing a little and didn’t think much of it. We talked a little more about random things I’m sure, until I said, “I’m tired, I think I could totally fall asleep right now.” At this point Travis made a change in plans. He was originally planning to pop the question at 11:59, right before my birthday cause at one point he had promised me it would be before my birthday, but since I was so tired, he moved it up a little. We talked a little more, and then in a totally casual everyday kind of way, he suggested we go for a walk, cause it would just be silly to go to bed before 9 on a Friday, and maybe a walk will give us some energy. I agreed, it was a nice night, but a little cool, so we stopped by his place so I could get a jacket, and unbeknownst to me he could get the ring.

He took me to the church that his parents go to (He attends a different one in town). There was a big field next to the church that they usually keep mowed to a reasonable length. It was super dark in the field, and we could see the stars so clearly. We found a good spot to stand and look up. He told me he just saw a shooting star, so I responded with “where, where? I didn’t see it!” And he proceeded to explain to me how I could try and see one. He pointed out the big dipper, and the North Star - which was kind of cool cause his last name means “from the north.” I’m totally not catching on to any of this though. It just seems like a regular night with Travis to me. Next he reached his hand up like he was touching the sky, it was dark and I could barely see it. And he said, “Sometimes if you reach your hand up like this….” he pulled his hand down in front of him and said “you’ll catch a falling star” - in that exact moment, some lightning flashed off in the distance, and lit up the ring in his hand. I gasped, and he responded with “see, I told you it would happen before your birthday.” He then dropped to one knee in the wet grass, and asked me to marry him, and of course I said yes.

A few mintues later, he asked if I wanted to walk back to where it was light so I could see my ring. Of course I did. He did great with it - it’s perfect. Here is a picture.

Here are some of the supplies being taken over in the boat.

.

Unloading the supplies.

Pumps waiting to be installed.

Drilling, or at least I think that might be what’s going on here. I’m honestly not sure.

And finally, some fresh WATER!!!!!

Right now, I am praying that God would raise up 6 individuals or groups to each supply the funds for a well at $625 each. Will you please pray with me?

Over the last several months, a hydrologist has gone and visited the island, and determined the best way of getting water to this little community. Because they are on an island, the normal bore well that Wells for Life provides wouldn’t work. If they drilled that far down, they’d get salt water, which we all know, isn’t drinkable. So shallow was the way to go, however one shallow well would dry up in matter of about 6 months, so it was determined that they would place 8 shallow pump wells across the island to provide a sustainable water system for these people.

The total cost of the project is $5000. That’s only $625 per well. I am covering the costs of two of those wells, and I’m hoping to find enough other people who will get on board with this to cover the remaining 6 wells. Please consider contributing to this cause. If you can sponsor an entire well, that’s awesome! If $625 is too overwhelming for you, then think about sponsoring a well with your small group, or extended family. When you break it up like that, it’s very doable.

Here is the water they did have.

Now they have water like this.

Please be a part of this project. If you’d like to purchase photos at For India Photography, all proceeds will go towards a well. I’ll be updating the site soon with new images.

And lastly, let’s just thank God for making all of this happen. Just two months ago I was walking around the island, asking how they get their water. I was shocked at what I saw, and now they have accessible safe water! God is very good.

This morning when I drove to work, I was listening to the CD you made me. When I got in the car “Lucky I’m in Love with My Best Friend” was playing, and I chose to listen to it again - such a perfect song for us, however not as perfect as “God Bless the Broken Road” - I can not listen to that song without crying, it’s just not possible, and not just crying but holding back sobs really. I don’t think it could more accurately describe how I feel, every last word. I am overwhelmed at what God is doing, and how he has worked and blessed me with you. Every place we have been in our lives has been leading to His greater plan, which I am thrilled to know now includes you and me together. I can not wait to see how God uses us, how he uses the places we’ve been in our lives as individuals, even our own poor choices, and the places we have been, are and will be together.

I am overwhelmed with how He loves us, how He wants to take everything in our lives and use it for His glory, and I am confident that even right now, waiting, and living miles apart, trying to figure out how all of this is going to work together, among several other things - that it is all going to be used for His glory, and not only for His glory, but for our greater good. “I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!! - You are THE best thing that has ever happened to me (obviously besides God). There is absolutely nothing that I am wanting or ever have wanted in someone that you are not. You are the most amazing man I know, you absolutely love God, love people, and love me. Your knowledge of God’s word challenges me, your prayers inspire me, and make me feel safe with you and with God. Your ability to sacrifice to serve others is beyond anything I’ve seen before, and your support of me in what God has called and asked me to do even when it means you get less time with me, means the world to me. I can’t wait until our ministries intersect more, and become ours together. I am better for having you in my life.

Thank you for loving me, thank you for being an earthly example of Christ to me, and for me. Thank you for how you shield and protect me. There is NO ONE that I want to be with besides you, NO ONE that I want to walk through life with other than you. NO ONE that I want to submit to, and trust to lead us to good places but you. You are MY MAN.

Let’s just keep putting one foot in front of the other, trusting God, and letting Him work in us and through us.

I love you.

Yours always,

Krissie

It was the day of the AIDS training. Teresa was teaching the adults, and there were a few children running around while their parent, or in this little boy’s case, his grandmother attended the training. All I knew about him to start was that both of his parents were dead, and he was clearly very sick, most probably with AIDS. He was literally skin and bones. I have never in my life seen someone so thin. I honestly don’t know how he could walk, he didn’t appear to have any muscle on his little body. He had the sweetest face, and the calmest spirit. He was quiet and didn’t seem the type to complain. I sat there on a small curb with him, wondering what his story was. As I sat next to him with my arm around him, wanting to give him some affection, and at the same time being afraid I would break him, another young girl came up to sit by us.

She seemed older, told me her name was Soapna. She was beautiful and healthy, and a complete contrast to this little boy sitting next to me. She was unlike any other child I met there. Instead of vying for my attention herself, she seemed to be interested in how I was interacting with the little boy. I would hold his hand, and then she would hold his hand too. She was carrying her mother’s purse, and in not too much time, she pulled a small banana out of it, and offered it to the boy.

At this point in the trip, I was so used to children who only spoke a small amount of English. The little boy next to me, didn’t even seem to speak enough to understand when I was asking him his name. I had gone through the basics with Soapna, but it took me by surprise how much English she actually knew, and spoke it very well. After a little while, she took it upon herself to start asking this little boy questions, and telling me all about him. His name, ironically was Raju. Both his parents, were as I had heard, dead, and he was there with his grandmother. He was in 4th class (grade).

I was in awe of this little girl’s compassion, and desire to mimic my interaction with Raju, and care for him too. We sat there on this curb, and Raju pointed to some freckles on my arm, so I explained that it was a freckle, then tried to find one on him, and luckily was successful. Soapna joined in, and it became a game to find all their freckles, point to them and say “freckle”.

It was the most amazing afternoon. Interacting with these two kids, who were in such stark contrast to each other in so many ways. I believe with all my heart that Soapna is the hope for India. She is growing into an amazing young woman, and God’s fingerprints are all over her. I do not doubt that he will be using her to show compassion to many in the area. I’m grateful that she has two parents, who were both willing to come attend an AIDS training. I’m grateful that she’s growing up with some of that knowledge herself, and has the chance to overcome some of the odds, and not only overcome them, but shower compassion on others who need it.

Here is a picture of us from that afternoon.

He showed up on Thursday night with tulips, and some dutch pastries, as the town where he’s from is pretty proud of their dutch heritage, and he thought it would be nice to bring me a little taste of where he’s from. They are good, so I agree, and well, pretty much anytime a guy brings me flowers, it’s a good thing.

He wasn’t hungry when he got here, and so we sat around and chatted, left for a little bit to check him into the hotel where he was staying, and then came back to my place where we sat around and talked some more. Before we knew it, it was almost 1am, and my stomach was kind of bothering me. I told him, it was probably just cause I inadvertently didn’t end up eating anything all night long, and that my stomach had never seemed to entirely recover from India. I started munching on some crackers, and he left for the evening. I got in bed, still not feeling the best, but thinking, it wasn’t a huge deal, and I’d feel better in the morning. 45 minutes later, those crackers were coming back up. Awesome. I was up a couple more times in the night, but really thought it was just a temporary thing. By around 7am, I knew I wouldn’t be going to work (I work half days on Fridays, and he was just going to entertain himself til I was off), but I still somehow thought if I just rested that morning, I’d be feeling 100% again by that afternoon - I seemed confident that I was done with the puking. I sent him a text message, to fill him in on what was going on. He asked me if I needed anything, and then headed over to keep me company, and do whatever he could to take care of me.

I managed to make myself look somewhat presentable, or maybe better put at least appropriate. Figured we’d spend the morning watching a movie, and I could rest, and then by the afternoon or at least early evening, I’d be feeling normal again. When he got there he was concerned, and sweet and caring. He prayed for me. I hadn’t eaten anything, or drank anything but water, and he suggested I try a little sprite. I thought that sounded like a good plan. It wasn’t. He fixed me a glass, I took a sip, and literally a few seconds later, I said, “I don’t think that was a good idea,” immediately stood up and high tailed it to the bathroom. Although I closed the door behind me, I’m sure he was at least audibly aware of my puking. I heard him, get up and remove the sprite from the room, and get me a glass of water.

I pretty much spent the rest of the day laying on the couch and apologizing to him , which he said wasn’t necessary. I went to my room and slept for a little while too, leaving him to entertain himself. What can I say, I’m an awesome hostess. We watched the movie Up at one point, I managed to get down a few saltines around lunch, and at 4, I managed to convince him to go get himself something to eat. Around 7, I felt well enough to go with him to Wade and Leah’s, where he was going to stay for the night, and then on the way back to my place, we stopped at the store. I had decided to try some cranberry juice, and a noodle soup packet. So the first meal he ever bought me was cranberry juice, and noodle soup, pretty romantic, huh? At least I can say I kept it down.

I am happy to report that I was at least feeling well enough on Saturday to make some appearances in public. We went out to breakfast, went ice skating at crown center, for all of 30 minutes before I told him I was tired and wanted to go home. We went back to my place and napped for like 3 hours, and then had pizza, and went to church. He drove home late that night.

It was nothing like we planned, and I haven’t even mentioned the emotional breakdowns. Let’s just say, I had a couple. I don’t know if it was being sick, and having to fast forward to a place where we were that comfortable being around each other in those circumstances, or just me being weird. I was just a little overwhelmed by it all, and quite honestly still am. Everything is going well, it’s obvious he really, really likes me, and at the same time, I’m struggling with believing it’s all real. I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop, and we talked about this. He even knew I was going to be writing about it here. I’m terrified of marrying someone and then finding out he’s not at all who he presented himself to be. I know this has to do with my past experiences and where I’ve been.  We’ve been really open with each other about things, he’s not tried to hide his issues, cause lets face it, we all have them. I’ve also told him, as crazy as it sounds that I’d be more comfortable if his struggle was A instead of B, because A I’ve seen, A I understand, and A I’ve dealt with before. B is totally foreign to me, and therefore scary, and just adding fuel to my fearful fire.

We’ve talked about all of this, and his responses have been nothing less than stellar, honestly. We are planning for me to visit his world over valentine’s weekend, and I’m sure I’ll have another update for you then. In the meantime, I’m hoping to write some more about India. I still have some thoughts floating around, that I want to get down, about my experiences, about coming home, and about what I want to do about it now.

Travis: So I have a confession that is more about fact than implying anything
me: ok
Travis: One of the girls from my former neighborhood, that I grew up in, added me to FB the other day and sent me a message. It was funny because she was saying she couldn’t believe I wasn’t married and if I ever did want to propose that she would make me a great deal on a ring. . . . . she works at Tiffany’s in KC  lol
me: haha, that’s funny. For some reason the way you said you had a confession, I was expecting it to be more serious in nature so then really, it was just all that much more funny
Travis: It was ironic because where you live and I have always joked that I would buy a Tiffany’s engagement ring because I find them very classic and vintage and timeless
me: nice … so do you need to know my ring size? ;)
Travis: and expensive
me: yeah, I’d imagine
Travis: I am going to guess 5.5, maybe 6
me: nope, way smaller
Travis: 4.5
me: smaller
Travis: 4
me: smaller
Travis: no way
me: yes way, I told you I had small hands. 3.5-3.75
Travis: do you have carnie hands, lol
me: carnie hands?
Travis: you have never heard of a carnie
me: like a carnival freak? thanks
Travis: yes … lol … I am kidding … I am sorry
me: I know, you’re fine. F-I-N-E, fine. no need to apologize
Travis: ;)

Then on Tuesday, this IM conversation happened:

me: I have a confession - don’t read too much into this … I figured if you shared the ring story yesterday than I can share this. I’m looking at wedding invitations … lol
Travis: haha
me: one of my favorite stores is paper-source, and I get their emails regularly, and today it was all about their new line of wedding invitations, and I LOVE them! Just one of those things where the design is just right up my ally! Just thought it was funny
Travis: so serendipitous
me: totally ;)

And then, when I got home that night, this was our text message conversation:

me: Haha. Just got home & guess what I got in the mail today. The Paper-Source catalog with the wedding invitations on the cover
Travis: Well go ahead and pick one out then cause someone is obviously telling us something
Me: Haha
Travis: So not yet then
Me: If the perfect dress drops in my lap, then we’ll know
Travis: Do dresses fall from heaven? And what does a perfect dress look like?
Me: I don’t know, I imagine I’ll know when I see it. So does that mean you are going to secretively sign me up to start receiving bridal catalogs to help serendipity along?
Travis: I would never sign you up now…..cause I already did….wait, what did I say! Lol
Me: You are a lot of fun!
Travis: I hope you like modern bride magazine… So are you
Me: I’m sure I would. So am I what?
Me: Nevermind. You were telling me I’m fun. Got it. Blonde moment
Travis: You are a lot of fun Lol
Me: I’m glad you are laughing with me on that

…

Travis: Are you still looking at wedding invites
Me: Haha. Yes actually … I went through all my other mail, then opened the catalog (lots of other things in there too) and have been going through it page by page. Ironically I just got to the wedding invites page right before you sent that
Travis: Any favorites?
Me: Yes, very much so!
Travis: Just one or couple different ones
Me: One in particular, but a couple others too
Travis: Are you going to show me these amazing finds this weekend
Me: Sure! I can send you a link now if you want
Travis: Are you sure you want me to see them…..not too much pressure on me is it
Me: Are you feeling pressure?
Travis: not really
Me: I didn’t think so
Travis: Lol Do you feel pressured?
Me: No
Travis: Or overwhelmed?
Me: No
Me: It is a 2010 collection, so it will only be available for this year … Pressure yet?
Travis: How does your June look…..any open weekends…..we could get a bunch of friends and family together and have a party…..feel pressured?
Me: Nope. My lease is up in July so that works great! Pressured?
Travis: I told my parents what you just said ….mom is ready to start planning …..pressured?
Travis: Should I give her your phone number
Me: Absolutely!
Travis: Your pastor or mine (which could be one of 7)
Me: I was just going to call mine and see if him & the church are available
Me: Who knew planning a wedding was so easy!
Travis: For two old church workers it should be cake walk……
Me: Definitely! Is it bad that some of me is so amused by this interaction, that I kind of want to blog about it
Travis: That is funny …. I say blog away
Me: Isn’t that an awesome way to introduce you!

So meet Travis. He also has a blog, and an older blog which has some good stuff on it, even though he’s not using it any more. And really that interaction sums up a lot of things about how we interact, we have a lot of fun with each other. He’s easy to talk to, I don’t have to filter anything with him, oh and we actually haven’t met yet. Yes, he’s coming for the first time this weekend, and we can’t wait. He’s not too far, just a few hours drive. I’ll try to post a pic next week.

Pray also for our travel on the way home. We’ll have a little bit of time in Chennai before leaving India, and will arrive back in KC on the evening of Friday the 15th.

Pray that we’ll be able to meet some of their physical needs, pray that God would be present. They are an amazing group of people, and have more joy than so many others that I know.