Kristalyn512

Dress + Heels

2010-07-06T14:37:00.000-07:00

Today, just as the past few days have been, has been a disgusting summer day. Humidity with no cool breeze is no party. Aside from living with the sensation of my sweat resting in places where sweat should never rest, I've started retreating into the shelter of my basement room to stay cool. I don't really use this blog that much since I have a Tumblr and it's so much easier to just reblog photos there and also I just use twitter in order to just let out feelings in small bursts rather than write out a blog entry. Anyways, the point is, it's summer and I'm trying to keep myself from becoming a hermit.

To date, things have been pretty simple. I go on a day-by-day kind of schedule and the only thing that I really have planned for my summer is that I'm sharing a week of vacation with my best friend and we've got a whole bunch of activities that we plan on doing that week. This list includes:
1. Small roadtrip to Ottawa (about 1.5 hours away) to wander the city but most importantly, eat at Red Lobster (We don't have any here).

2. Parc Safari, it's like a big drive through zoo where animals can come up to the car and you can pet them through the windows and also a water park.

3. Slumber party in my basement.

4. Ikea day, which starts off with breakfast at Ikea and finding her a bureau or something to put her clothes in and then help her put it together.

That's pretty much it, throw in a couple of days at the gym and hopefully a day in a pool/beach and I'd say that would be a pretty awesome vacation.

I'm also not looking forward to August. I feel like this entire month is almost closing in on that time frame because I know it's going to be the worst of my summer months. Boyfriend is leaving on his vacation at the beginning of August on a "booze cruise" which, although it may be fun to say outloud, does make my stomach twist a little. It doesn't make me feel good to think about it because right after when he comes back, he goes away again to football camp. So I basically don't get to see him right before I don't get to see him again and then the whole football season starts and I'm almost 90% positive that I will see him even less during that time. Anyways, I want to cut this whining to a minimum so I'll just say that at the end of this somewhat blurred road in front of me there lies a light at the end of that road which lights up the words "One Year". This would be my second longest relationship and with my fingers crossed it will move onto the longest and the last. That's kind of a strange thing to say now, but it's how I really hope things turn out. A couple of football seasons won't sway me away from someone who truly makes me happy.

/cheese.

Annnnnyways. I'm stuck at work for the next 2.5 hours. I just found out through an email that Brandon Boyd, the only Brandon I've ever loved, has just released a solo album today on iTunes. I started thinking about how much of his music and Incubus has followed me through the years and I've been with that band since I was 11 years old. It's been 11 years since I bought my first Incubus album and it's amazing how I've literally grown up on their music. I can literally pin point the time and place where I was when I bought each album since Make Yourself. I will definately see them live again, probably not here in Montreal but somewhere. I don't think anything can ever match the first time I saw them, in some stadium right on the edge of the Long Island shores. If there is a moment in my life where something was completely beautiful it was being able to watch that concert in that location.

Bah, my point is, I can't believe I'm stuck at work when I could be listening to the amazing sounds that somehow escape the mouth of Brandon Boyd. He is probably one of the sexiest people in the entire world. I mean come on, amazing voice, freaking amazing talent (I mean that both musically and artistically), hot body (...he's only gotten better with age), he's intellectual (just read his biography about his new album here) his writing style is almost obscene but at the same time down to earth, which makes him feel very real. I could probably boast about him for 3 or 4 more paragraphs but he's always stuck with me as the person I would love to spend an entire day talking to.

Ok, so, here's what I've covered today:
1. The worst thing about summer is the CHAFING.
2. I'm wearing a dress and heels at work (still standing)
3. I don't like football season but I'll get over it.
4. I love my boyfriend...a lot.
5. I've always had a thing for Brandon boyd.
6. Check out his new solo album...The Wild Trapeez. :)

P.S. Julia, I think I have a better person to imagine what "Pirate Pete" would look like haha.

Tattoo?

2010-04-29T17:47:00.001-07:00

I'm seriously considering getting this tattooed on me soon. It would be my first tattoo and I think it's so pretty and there are some hidden letters that I've encorporated into the design.

First of all, I've always wanted a bird tattoo and sparrows are just so amazing and this design is so beautiful that I loved it instantly.

The letters that are hidden within it represent the people in my life that have the biggest impact on me, which are my mom ("C"), my brother, my sister (both "A"s), my mom's boyfriend (who I consider to be like a father to me) ("M"), and my best friend ("J").

It's also kind of perfect how these letters fit in quite effortlessly. I was thinking of getting it done just below my neck.

Let me know what you think!

It makes me happy...

2010-04-18T08:43:00.001-07:00

When he says things like,

"We're going to dance like this when we're older."

What am I doing?

2010-04-17T23:55:00.000-07:00

Today I was asked a question that had me stumped. I honestly didn't have an answer because that's how confused about myself I am.

"If you could do something for the rest of your life, what would it be? There must be something that you like to do in your spare time, something that you would enjoy doing as a job."

He knew what he liked, what he dreamt of doing and as he was driving and talking about all the really cool things he said he wished he could do, I searched my brain for something pertinent to say. I don't have any talents or and real aspirations, I live my life on such a day-to-day basis, I rarely think about the future and what I'm going to do with it. It shouldn't be a difficult question but it was. He asked me what I do with my spare time, what I am doing when I'm searching the internet. Honestly, all I do on the internet is continuously refresh my tumblr page to see what other people are posting, I'm listening to music, googling random things, looking for new music to listen to (mainly looking at my recommendations on last.fm), browsing through Amazon (also looking at their recommendations) and checking facebook/twitter/email. It's not like I do anything that important or actually useful. I like to write in my blog and I like to write in general but I lack imagination or the capacity to go beyond my own experiences, which makes me very limited.

I've been left to my thoughts on what I like to do. I like being around other people, I like listening to music by myself, I like watching movies, I like doing sudoku puzzles, I like cute pictures, I like to bake. I guess that could be something of a dream occupation or aspiration that will probably never happen. To own a bakery of some sort, I remember wanting to open a cute little shop like Maggie Gyllenhaal's character in Stranger Than Fiction. Yeah, actually that would be it. Or maybe like an awesome makeup artist, a makeup artist to the stars. Ha.

I need to start writing again. I was reminded last weekend about how I used to write and people used to like it. A friend from elementary school asked me if I still wrote and I was really surprised that he actually remembered that. He told me that I was really good at writing stories and that he wished he could come up with stories like I used to. Truthfully, I don't even remember the things I wrote about and I wish I still had that imagination that I used to have. I feel like all my creativity has been drained out of me. I haven't actually tried in a long time though but I remember never being able to finish anything. I'm not good at coming up with clever endings or meaningful endings or just how to end anything, mainly because things that I've written have always been loosely based on my own experiences. I used to even write poetry, or try to, but it was mostly angry poetry.

Is it wrong to lead my life on a day-to-day basis? If I just continue doing this, slowly builing my own path with each passing moment and hope that eventually things will work out? Is that possible? Is simply having the ambition to continue enough? I love a lot of things about my life right now and I hope that it will be enough to bring me to the right places and to drive me in the right direction.

Balance.

2010-04-16T20:56:00.000-07:00

I seriously have issues.

I spent almost all of today staring at Statistics notes, writing notes and doing problems and the part of my day that I was most looking forward to, the part when I get to go home and relax, is the worst part of my day.

All I wanted to do since I got home was go out and do something, I wanted to go to the mall, I wanted to go watch a movie, go OUT.

This week has been particularly crappy since all I did was go to school and go to work. I didn't see any friends outside the situation of studying and I worked way more than I would have liked. I guess it doesn't help that my boyfriend has been indisposed because of a recent death in his group of friends. Which, btw, I tried to be supportive of, but as you can read from my previous post, I just ended up crying like a little girl. Anyways, he's been busy visiting friends, spending time with them and coping with the whole thing and then there was the funeral tonight and it continues until tomorrow afternoon.

I don't know, I guess I'm "chicking out". I've had such a horrible week, like I've barely seen any sunlight and I haven't had any chance to see my boyfriend, I'm starting to feel like a hermit. I got home today from studying and I did plan on going shopping or something but the weather was so disgusting and cold that I just wanted to go home. I don't really need to buy things, anyways. I just needed a time-filler because I knew that I was going to be alone tonight. It's days like today where I really wish I had a car again. I could have done something else, something productive or something. I'm so limited and caged by my house, especially when it's raining. Who wants to take the bus or walk around in the cold when it's raining?! Anyways, when summer comes around things will probably be easier.

I don't know how some people can just stay home by themselves all the time. I need the presence of others to make me feel normal. Otherwise, I fall into the dark hole, where I'm depressed and lonely and no one likes me. This rarely happens, I try to keep myself entertained with movies and music and the internet in general, but tonight nothing has really kept me comforted.

I think I just need a hug.

Tonight.

2010-04-11T22:34:00.000-07:00

I experienced something today that I didn't know I was capable of.

My boyfriend recently found out that one of his good friends, whom he had lost contact with in the past few years, killed himself. It's a horrible story and it's something terrible that I can't even begin to imagine what it must feel like. I've never really lost someone close to me, I mean the last funeral that I went to was my great-grandmothers and I didn't really know her. I remember crying during the mass part of the funeral and also when they were lowering the casket into the ground.

Anyways, those tears don't really count since I was only maybe 11 or something and the emotions were mainly forced upon me with my first encounter with death and the after-effects. I knew that I was supposed to be sad, so I was sad. It's been something I hope to avoid having to deal with for a long time, but I'm sure it's the same thing with anyone. Death is something that happens but something that never wants to be dealt with.

When I saw my boyfriend tonight for the first time since he told me what had happened, the moment I stepped into the car it was an entire wave of sadness rushed towards me. I felt it instantly. I've never experienced that before. I've always been an emotional person but I've never been connected to someone like that. I wanted to cry right there in the car, while we were driving to dinner. We didn't really say much, just like how was your day and that stuff but just felt the energy that he was emitting and there was so much sadness, it was overwhelming.

I don't know if I'm describing this right. It was almost as if I was displaying the emotions that he was trying to hide throughout the night. We went out for sushi with a couple of friends and after we were at my house watching a movie and just being close. He told me about his friend, how him and his friends are now able to be friends again but it's terrible that the reason why it's possible is because one of them has died. My lip started to tremble, my breathing became irregular and then the tears started to fall. I felt how deeply this whole thing has affected him and I just couldn't help but cry. I've never met this person, I didn't even ask what his name was, it didn't matter. I knew he cared for this person and that's all that it took. All my emotions fell to shit and all I could do was cry. I cried on and off for about 20 minutes.

Anyways, even thought I spent all of my previous entry explaining how I found the right way to fall in love, this whole thing just further pushed me in the direction that I am in the right place, with the right person. If he is capable of making me feel all the feelings that he wasn't able to actually show me, I must share something special with him.

I watched Elizabethtown tonight (and Almost Famous) and I have to just confess my absolute adoration for these two movies but especially Elizabethtown. I know it didn't get the greatest reviews when it came out, but honestly it's one of the best movies I've seen in a while. Orlando Bloom doesn't make the most believeable American but he grows on you and so does Kirsten Dunst. Just the story and the music and the character development, it was just so perfect. There is one scene towards the end of the movie when Drew is driving on his road trip and there is like this music montage of him driving, talking to his dad's urn and him crying, this scene makes me cry every single time in the exact same place. I don't know what it is about this particular scene that gets to me or why I find it so touching, it just does. Cameron Crowe is an amazing director. I'm also listening to the soundtrack to Elizabethtown and it isn't the happiest soundtrack but it's just so perfect. Perfect for how I'm feeling right now, which is a little sadness but an overall happiness because things are only going to get better. I feel like things are finally falling into the right place and I'm with someone that makes me feel beautiful, smart, special, important and needed.

Anways, sorry for another lovey, cheese-tastic entry. I'm starting to fall asleep so I'm ending it here. Goodnight.

Can't sleep, thinking too much.

2010-04-04T23:50:00.000-07:00

It's been quite a while since I've posted anything and to be honest it's because I've been kind of embarassed about certain things that have happened in the past few months but tonight I have that warm feeling again in the pit of my stomach and I feel like I just want to type some things out.

I can't prevent people from reading my blog and I think that's a major reason as to why I haven't posted anything. So just understand that I'm writing this because I want to, I don't care what happens once it's read, I just want to express how I'm feeling right now and the best way that I know how to express myself is through writing.

Words cannot explain how much my life has changed in the past few months. I've started going back to school, I work way less hours in order for me to place more concentration on my school and yet, still be able to make some money. I've also found myself to be madly, head over heels for someone here.I've known him for a long time, but I hadn't considered him as a match for me until recently.

I've always carried this fear with me, with whomever I've ever been with that I'm incapable of truely loving that person. I can say the words and it might mean something right there in that moment of it being said, but feelings change and people change and for reasons that I feel are uncontrolable, love drifts away. I have experienced in the past, love one moment and then the next nothing at all. Since I'm the type of person that can't just sit on those kinds of feelings without doing something, I usually end up just ending things. It is as if I know deep down inside myself that there is a reason I feel this way. That whatever it was that caused me to feel those feelings of love towards that person was real and it did happen but now it's over and there is also a reason for that. This fear of never actually having a person that I can truely love has been with me since my first boyfriend who within the first week of dating (this is in high school) told me that he loved me. Out of fear of breaking his heart I responded with "I love you too". At that moment, I had no idea what love was or what it should feel like but I said it anyways. I know that I am the type of person who just wants everybody to be happy. If me telling someone that I love them back will make them happy then I will do it, which is a horrible thing to do because I was being dishonest with myself. I've learned from this and only recently have I discovered the right way to fall in love.

This is what happens when I think too much, I start writing and all this gushy, lovey-dovey stuff comes spilling out of my finger-tips. Oh well, I'd rather this than anything else.

Baking Experiment #1

2009-06-14T17:01:00.000-07:00

Soooo today, since it's my only day off, I decided to try and bake something. Baking has always been something I enjoy doing, there's just something about making something sweet and then having other people eat it and be really happy with it. I don't usually bake for myself, it's usually so I can give the final product to my friends or my family and then sit and watch them eat and then I'm usually like, "Is it good?!!! TELL ME NOW." I dunno, that's just me, I guess.

And I haven't really been keeping up with the whole baking thing, I used to be really into a few years ago. I even have my own personal collection of cooking books but strictly books on baking, I rarely use them though, because, well the internet exists.

Okay, so today, I came upon a recipe for Red Velvet Cupcakes. I've seen people eat them but I never had one myself, so I was like, why not! I went out and got all the stuff I needed to make them and I spent maybe and hour or so making them.

The only thing that surprised me while I was making them is that I had to use an entire bottle of red food coloring. A WHOLE BOTTLE! And so I got kind of scared of the batter thinking if I got any of it on me it would stain me because of how much food coloring there is in it! Anyways. Here is the final product, cream cheese icing and all.

See! A whole bottle, I JUST bought that food coloring today and I had to use all of it. The worst part is that I found that the cupcakes weren't red enough!! Or I find them too dark or too close to brown. Oh well, it was my first time with this recipe so I guess it still needs experimenting. Anyways, this was a kind of boring food blog, I guess I just needed something on here cuz it's been a while since my last update. <333

Amazing:

2009-04-20T06:45:00.000-07:00

"When I can’t ever stop thinking about you, no matter where I am. I can’t stop talking about you. I can’t stop smiling because of you. I look at the sun and the stars and the sky and I hope you’re looking at them and thinking of me. When I write poetry about how much you mean to me. When I go on my laptop, and hope that you’re on. When I first see your face and my heart melts. When I see your name on my caller ID and I get really excited even though you woke me up. When I listen to a song and it reminds me of you. When you blow me a kiss, and I put it in my pocket so that later, if I’m upset I take it out and put it on my lips. When I stay up just hours before I have to get up because I would rather not sleep and talk to you. When I wish I could just pack my shit, and walk to where you are because there is nothing I wouldn’t give to kiss you."

Quoted from Iheartlove

Mix 1: Playlist For Julia

2009-04-19T20:44:00.000-07:00

Download File "My Bloopy Valentine"

01. M.I.A - Paper Planes
Cuz we rocked out to this song in Judith's car and it was amazing.

02. Britney Spears - Circus
Cuz you knew all the lyrics to this song the first time I heard it and I thought you were so cool.

03. Kevin Rudolf feat. Lil' Wayne - Let It Rock
We danced up a storm to this song at my sister's sweet sixteen.

04. Taken By Trees - Sweet Child O'Mine
It's the theme song to The Last House On The Left (the new one) and we both liked the cover.

05. The Cardigans - Erase/Rewind
Cuz we both liked Never Been Kissed and this song.

06. The Postal Service - Nothing Better
Cuz you were obsessed with this song for a little while.

07. Stars - The Night Starts Here
Um...obviously this song would be on this.

08. Vampire Weekend - Ottoman
First of all, you showed me this song, secondly, it's from Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, our feelgood movie.

09. Dolly Parton - Jolene
Cuz you told me I should play this at my wedding.

10. The Von Bondies - C'mon, C'mon
You suggested I use this song on my working out playlist, and I always think of you when I listen to it.

11. The Lonely Island - I'm On A Boat
Cuz I'm on a boat and it's going fast and I've got a nautical themed paschmina afghan.

12. Infant Sorrow - Inside Of You
Cuz you showed me Forgetting Sarah Marshall and how amazing it was.

13. Rush - Tom Sawyer
Cuz I can SLAP DA BASS

14. Stillwater - Feverdog
Does this even need an explanation? No.

15. Queen - Fat Bottomed Girls
Cuz we make the rockin' world go 'round.

16. Elton John - Tiny Dancer
Another one from "Almost Famous". I secretly wish one day I'll be on a bus and everyone on it will start to sing along to this song.

17. Jason Mraz - I'm Yours
Cuz we love Jason Mraz and we used to sing this song at work.

18. Muse - Time Is Running Out
Cuz we both adore Muse and you told me that this song changed your life the first time you heard it.

19. Weezer - My Best Friend
No explanation needed. This song explains everything.

The Picture I Promised

2009-03-29T14:19:00.001-07:00

OMG I Wish I Had Taken a Picture!!

2009-03-25T21:11:00.000-07:00

Ok, So I live near this strip club...I know that already sounds pretty sketch, but I live borderline ghetto sooo that's my explanation.

Today, my family and I went out to the mall to pick up some stuff for my brother's English project and on the way back home we drove passed the strip club and I REALLY REALLY wish I had a camera or that we could've stopped the car to take a picture because Oh.My.Freaking.God. this was hilarious. There is a sign outside the club and today the sign said this:

Cabaret Le Bazzaz
12 Danseuses
10 Belles
1 Grosse
1 Laide

For those of you that can't speak french I'll translate...

Cabaret Le Bazzaz
12 Dancers
10 Beautiful
1 Fat
1 Ugly

I will go back and take a picture and hopefully it will still be the same! hahahaha.

How bad is that? I mean you openly advertise that you have 1 fat dancer and 1 ugly dancer like that is supposed to bring in more people! I dunno I totally cracked up when I saw that and seriously felt the need to share that :)

Quote of the Day

2009-03-25T15:29:00.000-07:00

What is called happiness in its narrowest sense comes from the satisfaction - most often instantaneous - of pent up needs which have reached great intensity, and by its very nature can only be a transitory experience.

-Sigmund Freud

I love this song.

2009-03-23T19:53:00.000-07:00

"You're the sun and the moon and all the stars
you're my first thought in the morning and you are
the wind as it blows over my head..."
-Jessica Lea Mayfield

The One That I Loved Best

Tweetcloud?

2009-03-22T09:19:00.000-07:00


I thought this was pretty cute and everyone seems to be making them sooo why not!?
I love how WORK is like the biggest word on there.

make one at Tweetstats or at Wordle

I'll be back with a real post soon, I promise!

Word Vomit: Blaaaaah.

2009-03-18T17:16:00.000-07:00

I'm in a bit of a weird mood today. I kind of just want to go to bed and just sleep my issues away but on the other hand I really feel the need to write down what it is I'm feeling. I'm really upset because I missed not one but two phone calls from Ryan today while I was at work. It's not like I could do anything about it, but I'm sad because I really do want to talk to him and it's not like I can call him back or anything. He left a voicemail the first time, saying he was at the Chicago airport and he hoped that I was having a good day. He said he would try to call me again when he got to Florida and he did but again I missed the call. I was already having a hectic day at work (people just wouldn't stop being annoying and stupid, mostly) and going to lunch and realizing, "Oh shit, Ryan tried to call me." didn't make it any better. I really miss those days where I could just take it easy at work and just check my emails and twitter every once in a while. lmost hurts, like a hole or something. That sounds really stupid but that's how I feel.

Maybe this is all some kind of weird consequence because I haven't been going to the gym as often as I was before. I've been taking it pretty easy and I've been slacking the past week or so. I went on Monday but before that I hadn't gone in a week. I should've gone tonight but I'm so tired from being out all day yesterday, I almost passed out on the bus on the way home from work. I'm trying really hard to resist falling asleep on my bed right now because I need to finish doing my laundry later. But yeah, not going to the gym and not having that constant flow of endorphins (that natural thing that makes you happy) that you supposedly get from exercising is probably catching up with me. I'm allowed to feel slightly sad right? Even though sometimes, I feel like maybe I don't have anything to complain about. I'm not in school, I don't worry about homework or finals, I have a somewhat good job, amazing friends. It's weird because, yesterday I spent the whole day surrounded by friends and today I can't help but feel incredibly lonely.

Blah. I told you this was going to be a weird post. I'm in such a strange mood, like I said, I feel sad but I don't feel like I should have anything to be sad about. My life is pretty simple and easygoing, other people probably have it worse, what the hell do I have to bitch about? I'm trying to tell myself that I shouldn't be sad but I just can't help it. I'm in one of those moods where you just want to put on sweat pants and that old ratty t-shirt, cuddle with my pillows, put on Say Anything and wish that my Lloyd Dobler was out there waiting for me. In fact, I think that's what I'll do. Maybe that'll make me feel better *crosses fingers*.

I'm pretty awesome sometimes.

2009-03-14T15:58:00.000-07:00

This week was pretty jam-packed with amazing adventures, mostly involving my friend Julia (aka my twin). We went downtown twice this week! On Wednesday we went for shopping purposes but also to go to the Titanic Exhibit that's ongoing here until the end of the month and it was pretty fucking amazing.

When you go in, they give you a boarding pass and its supposed to actually represent a real person that was on the Titanic before it sank.The whole point was that you would read about that particular person and at the end of the exhibit you would find out whether or not your person survived or not. I was Mrs. Isador Strauss.
I was 63 years old and I was traveling back to New York with my husband, maid and manservant. My husband and I were the owners of Macy's in New York, so obviously we were traveling first class because we were filthy rich.
Here are some random facts about the Titanic. A first class ticket to board the Titanic back in the day cost something like 700$ but if you think of how much that was worth today, it would have cost around like 45,000. Crazy, right?? Also, a lot of the people that were on the Titanic weren't even supposed to be on that ship but because of the coal strike going on in Europe at the time, many miners were heading over to America in search of better jobs and better lives. It's sad really. About 700 people survived the Titanic and over 1500 people died. :(

Including my person. Her story was actually really heartbreaking and there were things written about her and her husband all over the exhibit. She was actually supposed to have boarded a lifeboat but, "she refused, saying, "We have lived together for many years. Where you go, I go."" (quoted from Wikipedia). I felt very connected to her, even though I've never heard of her before then but I think if I was in her situation, I probably would've chosen to stay as well.

What was really scary though was looking at the huge wall that had the list of everyone that survived and who was left as Missing all separated by which class they were in as well as crew. It was sad to see the very long lists of "missing" from third class and the crew.

Anyways, it was really cool. It kind of made me want to go and visit more exhibits and museums. And at the beginning of it all they take two pictures of you in front of a green screen and at the end of the exhibit there is a station you can go to view your pictures. Sooo...

Not my most flattering photo, but it was all in the fun of it. We were like, what should we do? Let's be scared, ok, HOLD ME!! haha. It looks more like we're about to get hit by the ship hahaha. I love it. I'm gonna frame it because it's so amazing.

I just wanted to write about that, we went downtown again yesterday and again went shopping and I bought the complete series of Freaks and Geeks and Russell Brand's book, My Booky Wook (and a bunch of magazines lol). We also went to go see The Last House On The Left and it was very good, like really really good. I actually liked it a lot better than the original because it was a lot more serious and didn't have any awkward strange comedic relief that was at times completely unnecessary. I was impressed and I did at some points shriek in the movie theatre. I think I've finally come to terms with how girly and squirmish I really am. :)

Btw I just chatted very briefly with Ryan on google talk! I'm gonna go and stare at my computer some more until he comes back online. haha. <3

I should be sleeping...

2009-03-12T23:31:00.000-07:00

If you read this, go here. RAWR.

Pretty Amazing.

2009-03-10T21:24:00.000-07:00

"Even if it takes me 6 days, 23 hours, 59 minutes & 59 seconds to get to where you are, I’ll still travel the same distance every week just to spend that very last second in your arms. Time elapses when I’m not with you. Nothing is the same when you’re gone. "

I don't know who quoted this but I read this and my heart melted a little. I know that I really could feel that way about someone someday.

I'm in such a "I love everything about love" mood right now. Sorry! You'll have to just bear with me for now. <3

I Want to Lie In Bed All Day.

2009-03-10T06:53:00.000-07:00

“Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to get out of.”

Quote of the Day

2009-03-09T22:47:00.000-07:00

"Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember."
-Oscar Levant

Word Vomit: A bit of sad history.

2009-03-09T19:29:00.000-07:00

So on a more depressing and more of an angry note, I ran into someone this weekend while I was at the mall. I was heading to work on Saturday morning and because I always take the bus early to avoid the possibility of being late, I just kind of wandered around the mall. I had breakfast and browsed before actually going to work (which is a two minute walk from the mall, it's not attached to it). Now, before I even go any further, let me explain to you something about the person that I "bumped" into.

I've never been close to my father. There are too many times that I could tell you all about where he truly just let me down, over and over again. One of my favourite ones that remind just how much of a dick he was when he couldn't come to my high school graduation or even better, couldn't come to my Prom, so I had to do the "Father-Daughter Dance" with my mom. How embarrassing. I cried at my prom. You aren't supposed to cry at your prom.
So, when my parents divorced, I made sure that I never forgot how much I hated him, no matter what he said. I know this might be somewhat hard for some of you to understand how I could hate a parent, but just understand how far from a real parent he was to me and my brother and sister. It took me a whole year to really get over my parent's divorce because it just continued to go on longer than it really needed to. He kept wanted to pull away from more and more responsibilities, which is probably what hurt the most, realizing that what he wanted was to remove any ties he had with children, as if he never had any.

My parents divorced in 2006/2007 and the last time I saw him was in the summer of 2007 (again at the mall, because I was at the time working IN the mall). I'm about to go into some pretty heavy details of what happened when I saw him this weekend and how exactly it made me feel, so brace yourselves. I need some kind of release from this whole thing, even though it lasted two minutes, it hit me harder than a bus coming at full speed.

I was putting on my coat, getting ready to walk out the exit. I pulled my bag over my shoulder and I was grabbing my tea.
"Kristal?" He never called me by my whole name. I recognized his voice instantly and when I turned to face him the words just escaped my mouth.
"Shit..." I knew I said it outloud and I knew he heard me. He looked exactly the same as I remembered but maybe a little more tired looking. I saw the sadness in his eyes as he looked at me, I didn't know what to say, I managed to ask, "How are you?" but he didn't answer me, all he said was,
"Well, tell everyone that I said Hi". All I could do was nod. I smiled slightly and turned to face the exit again. I quickened my pace because the doors couldn't have felt any farther away in those thirty seconds. I didn't want to turn around to look back, I didn't want to see him standing there still watching as his twenty year old daughter walked away from him like just some old acquaintance that he hasn't seen in a while. As soon as the cold air hit my face I felt like I was going to collapse, like I just got punched in the gut. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry and I wanted to get as far away from there as possible. Seeing him just reminded me of how much damage he inflicted on my family intentionally and unintentionally. It was like being hit over the head with a bagful of painful emotions and memories that lingered a little too long. You'd think that two minutes wouldn't effect you so much but I knew after that, my entire day would be askew. All I could think of doing was text the one person who would understand how I felt but of course it was too early in the morning to get a response. All I could do was go to work. Go to work, get through the day and forget it happened.

I know I may seem kind of over the top with this whole thing, I feel kind of silly writing about it this way, but this is honestly how I feel about it now that I look back at it. After two years of not seeing him, not being affected by him in any way, it was like BAM. I'm still alive. Of course I knew he was still alive, but I didn't want to actually see him. This was like ten times worse than running into an ex-boyfriend when things ended on bad terms. I know I probably shouldn't hold so much hatred against my father but really, you have no idea how much this person messed up. So I can understand if you can't understand.

One thing that pisses me off the most, (yes here's another story) last spring, I went to a wedding reception. Everything was fine until the "Father-Daughter Dance". I completely lost it. I started crying, I tried to stop myself from crying but only ended up making more noise, only further making the people at our table and the tables around us look to see what was happening. It didn't help that I was there with the rest of my family and that they all pretty much understood the meaning of my outburst. My mom tried to comfort me, telling me not to worry and the look of pure sadness that my brother and sister gave me, it only made me want to cry harder. Seeing a wedding and realizing that I probably wouldn't have that moment (not that I even wanted it) made me very, very sad. My emotions sometimes break out at moments where I least expect it. I'm sure I'll have someone to dance with at my wedding for that moment, or maybe we'll skip that entirely, I don't know, I haven't really thought about it and I don't really have to think about it for a while, I'm not planning on getting married any time soon.

Little things like that have a big impact on me, just like that random encounter. I told my mom about it and she won't stop talking about it. She's all like, "Did you hear what happened to Kristalyn?", "Did you sister tell you what happened to her at the mall?", it's pretty annoying. What bothers me the most is that she tried to sit down with me and have a conversation about it. Like there was more to talk about it after I explained exactly what happened. She told me that it was going to keep happening and that maybe I should try to get in contact with him again. She's always trying to push me back into his arms, like he deserves a second chance with me. My mom likes to remind me of the fact that I can't escape him no matter what, even though I like to think otherwise. In my eyes, my family is better off now without him and from the way he behaved after the divorce and in the courtroom he doesn't deserve love or even remorse from any of us. Yet, my mom continues to try to make me call him, I don't understand why, of all people she should understand how much he's hurt us. "He's your father, you can't forget that." Well. Maybe I would like to do exactly that. Her boyfriend now has been more of a father to us in the past three years than my father has EVER been to us in my whole twenty years of my life and I'm not exaggerating.

I'm sorry for spilling this all like this. I've been in this weird writing mode and I've actually started to write something of a story, which has in fact taken a big chunk of my free time in the past two days, so this was kind of a regurgitation of what happened to me in the style of my "wannabe" writing. Not that this has any falsity to it, this is all the pure truth. If you wanted to understand me a little better, here is aspect of my life that I rarely share with people.

I'll never be a daddy's girl.
They are all I need.

Longest Blog in the Histroy of Long Blogs. (Aka Bob Loblaw's Law Blog)

2009-03-09T18:18:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since my last entry and I thought I was going to try harder to keep myself in the habit of updating but sadly, among most of the things I try to keep up with, I failed again.
It's been almost two months since I last updated and I thought I was doing so well! Haha.

Okay, so here's what I've been up to:

My special friend, Julia (http://jybeliever.livejournal.com) went to go see two horror flicks. My Bloody Valentine and Friday The 13th, Yes, they were both really crappy but good times nonetheless. While I cringed and at times screamed (yes. I get scared and I scream.) she held my hand and laughed, at the movie and at me. In truth, I think we only wanted to see these movies because of the eyecandy. Jensen Ackles and Jared Padelecki. Yum Yum. And how weird is it that they both came out with horror flicks within a month of each other and they're both on the same TV show? Strange...
Anyways, in the previews for both those moviesthere was a trailer for a movie called , "The Last House On The Left" At first, we laughed because it seemed like such a stupid name for a movie, well it still seems like a stupid title...but that's beside the point. The second time we saw the trailer we decided that we HAD to see that movie together as well. It seems as though we created some kind of weird ritual to go see potentially cheesy, badly directed and badly acted horror movies, but we're gonna cross our fingers and hope that that one will be better than the last two.
THEN we realized that "The Last House On The Left" is actually a remake of a Wes Craven film done back in the 70's and not to mention it was banned almost everywhere because it was so brutal and gruesome and just horrifying. Obviously, I read this and became instantly intrigued and I needed to watch this. So there is is, I bought it on impulse (along with the original version of My Bloody Valentine), regretfully, because the next day I found both of those movies on SALE at another video store. It would of cost me a whole 12 dollars cheaper. And it was too late to return them because I already opened them, I get excited like that about movies. I rip open the plastic just so I can have the satisfaction to open the box and make sure the DVD is indeed inside the case.
Anyways, after showing Julia my latest acquirements, she obviously freaked out, in the way I wanted and expected her to, and we agreed we had to watch the movies together and we had to watch The Last House On The Left original before seeing the remake. I absolutely refuse to watch any of those movies alone. Just like how I refuse to watch The Strangers and Funny Games alone. In fact, I refuse to watch ANY scary movie alone. I guess I'm just a big baby that way. What can I say? I like to be cuddled or at least comforted by another person in case I do get freaked out. And yes, someone laughing at me for being scared is comforting because at least I know that there is someone that doesn't think it's as scary as I do and that kind of brings me back to the reality of things, which is usually funny. Usually, not always!

Now that I think of it, there are a lot of movies that I own, that I would consider to be horror flicks that I haven't watched yet. Because seriously, who WANTS to watch a scary movie alone??

I've also become completely obsessed with buying plaid shirts. In the past two months I've bought like...at least 10 plaid button-up shirts. Of all colours and styles. Short-sleeve, long sleeve, 3/4 sleeve. It's really stupid now that I think of it but I can't help myself! That and scarves. I'm too embarrased to actually count how many scarves I've bought. BUT I LOVE THEM. I tell myself that to make it easier. Seriously though, I try to match one scarf that I own with every one of my outfits. If you check my dailybooth (http://www.dailybooth.com/kristalyn512) and even my youtube videos you can see. I want to wear plaid all the time, whether it's a plaid shirt or a plaid scarf. What's the worst part of all this is that one time when I was at the gym, I was running on the treadmill and there was nothing really interesting on the tv's, but the end of Oprah was on so I decided to tune into that, and I guess it was an episode about how to better with your finances and get yourself out of debt and just stop spending so much and they were interviewing some lady that was very in debt because she kept buying stuff for herself and for her kids. And the woman that was there giving advice was like, "First of all, you have to stop buying things that you already have so much of. We tend to buy the same things over and over again even though we don't really need them." I automatically thought of myself and how I keep buying the same shit every time I get paid. It actually made me slightly depressed but it makes me happy! haha. And it's not like I'm a debt crisis, I just like to indulge in my life's little pleasures and right now it's plaid. See, I'm even wearing plaid right now in this moment. plaid plaid plaid. EVERYWHERE. I LOVE IT.

Um. Ok. right. Where was I? Oh yeah. Well, something else that took up a big part of my free time in the past three weeks was reading Twilight. Yes. I was pulled in, just like thousands, sorry, millions of girls and guys by this series of books. It all started in HMV (where I usually buy movies but never music) I was making my usual rounds of the store, checking which movies were on sale and just really wondering around and there is a new section of the store, where they sell books and a very small paperback version of Twilight was there with a big "25% OFF" sticker. For seven dollars, I figured, why not? I needed a new book anyways (after JUST finishing The Devil Wears Prada...shut up...don't judge me!) so I bought it. My life pretty much ended right there in that moment. Sure, I liked the movie (mainly because I was drooling over a certain character the whole time...more eyecandy :) YUM) but I was very much destroyed by the novels. I couldn't stop. I had to know what happened. I wanted to know and I spent every free moment I could continuing to read. So yeah. Basically, for a short period of time after finishing the novels, I wanted a vampire and I wanted one to love me just as much as Edward loved Bella. Actually, I wanted a vampire for more than just those reasons, but I probably shouldn't get into those details over my blog. Julia, you know what I mean *wink*wink*. I'm sick. I know. hahahaha.

So this is clearly the longest blog in the history of long blogs. I have another story that I want to talk about but that needs a completely seperate blog on its own because in reality it's kind of depressing and I don't want to take away from this entry's happy/silly feeling.

Anyways! I've missed you blog and people that read my blog. Once again, I've been inspired by someone to start blogging again. ENJOY. :D

Thrifting is fun!

2009-01-26T14:10:00.000-08:00

This morning my mom woke me up and asked me if I wanted to go to the thrift store with her, which was actually really good timing because yesterday I was thinking about going but didn't because I lack traveling skills. (aka a car).
Sooo we went to two thrift stores and for the most part I picked up little porcelain figurines that I thought were the cutest things in the place.

The first thing I got was this whale. I don't know what it's for but...just look at it!! SO CUTE.

With it's mouth open and everything. I have a feeling it's supposed to be a soap holder or something but I'll probably use it to hold hair things or makeup, I dunno I haven't decided yet.

Then I found these little traveling tourist ducklings. One is holding camera the other has a bag across it's shoulder. I don't know what I'm going to do with these either, just keep them in my room somewhere. They'll just look cute forever. :D
Then I found this dinosaur piggybank. There was also a cookie jar that was the exact same as this except for the colour or it. I figured that there wouldn't be much space in my room for a cookie jar AND a piggybank, so I settled for this piggybank. I mean c'mon. a dinosaur with a bowtie! And look at it's nose. ahaha.

So this was all at a Salvation's Army, then we went to Village Des Valeurs (Value Village = Savers). We spent a lot of time here just because there's a lot more stuff there. I got the coolest mug ever. I was looking for a mug that was really different from others since I've been drinking a lot more tea recently, and this one was just so cool, I had to have it! It's a freaking parrot for a handle! Likeomgcool.

I also indulged myself in this lovely heart-shaped pillow/plushie. It was in the Valentine's Day section and it just stood out as different from the other plushies or bears with hearts that said I love you. This thing says I love you without even trying. It's like "HUG ME". hahaha. Finally, I also gave into this piggybank because firstly it's so adorable and secondly because deep inside, I have a weird thing for collecting pig piggybanks. I already have maybe twenty or so different kinds of piggybanks. Back in elementary school my best friend at the time used to travel a lot and whenever she went somewhere, she would bring me back a pig figuring or a piggybank because it was my favourite animal. So most of my collection are piggybanks from all over the world, it's really cool actually. Maybe I should start doing that again...my collection's been just kind of sitting around.

Anyways! I also got a sweater and some books at Value Village. We also went to a mall and bought stuff for my brother since he's going on a ski trip soon. I bought another winter jacket and ate sushi for lunch so I'd say it was a pretty awesome day. I'm gonna go to the gym later. I need to keep myself motivated! I'm really regretting skipping out on yesterday. Oh well! Hope you guys are doing well! I also decided to start writing letters to Ryan as of now, so that when I do get his first letter and figure out how to mail stuff to him I can send him like a whole bunch of letters right away. When I do figure out his mailing address, let me know if you want the address, I'm sure he'd appreciate receiving as much mail as possible. :)

<333

Happy Sunday!

2009-01-25T13:04:00.000-08:00

It's Sunday and I'm very glad that I'm at home right now.
Yesterday for me was completely and just totally awful for me. Friday night, I stayed at my friend's house, we played video games and then attempted to play a drinking game while watching Happy Feet (the game being, every time Mumble (??) tap dances we take a shot). The movie finished around 3, then we ended up staying up another hour because we started watching the Food Network. It was one of the extreme cake making competitions, I don't know why we were so compelled to watch it and finish the episode, but it just happened. In normal situations, staying up until 4am is not an issue, but in my case, it was because I was not at home, I don't have a car and I had work the next morning at 9am. Knowing all of this beforehand, I probably shouldn't have stayed there the whole night but I love my friends and sometimes, you just gotta indulge yourself in the company of your friends.
Ok, so I wake up at 6am, because I needed to walk home from their apartment, walk 15 mins in the freezing cold to get home, take 45 mins to get ready for work, then go walk again for 10 mins to catch the bus for work. I go to work, it was horrendously busy and when I had a glimmering sign of hope when 5 o'clock came around that MAYBE I could go home and relax, that hope was destroyed when the manager working yesterday said "You have to do the facing because the floor associates have to put away the stock in the reception". I was stuck at work for an extra hour and a half. I'm whining about work, I know. Sorry. I was just so, so incredibly mad and frustrated. ANYWAYS. That's over and I'm happy again.

Today, I'm trying to be productive. I woke up at 9:30 (Fell asleep around 11pm, omg I know, I have no life) I did my laundry, took a shower and even TRIED to make a video. The only reason why I failed at making the video is because the battery on my camera died. Which sucks because I really think my hair looks good today :P .

I feel like I should be making more blogs or something for my Youtube channel because honestly, I don't have much else to offer on my channel. There's also Thee Commune, but I don't know what to post on there except for music and lately, I haven't been feeling very creative or musical or even slightly compelled to learn chords for songs. The only thing I didn't do today, is go to the gym. It's the first time since I joined the gym that I haven't gone on a day where it was possible for me to go, I was feeling pretty disappointed with myself about it before, but I'm allowed to give myself a day off on my day off right?

This is all really boring and probably the reason why I don't like blogging that much. I feel like, no one cares about my weekend...but whatever. I have to write about something to try and keep myself in the habit of doing so. Hopefully, something interesting will happen to me and I'll have something better to write about than myself! I even tried drawing today, thinking maybe I could post little things that I drew, and maybe they'd be cute or something...errr...I realize that I suck at drawing. So yeah, for now, you get this really long blog about essentially nothing. :D