Kristen and Misty's Open Adoption Journey

2012 - The year of the Baby.

2012-04-18T22:01:00.000-07:00

2012 is the year. No, seriously - this kid will be here in 4 months. If you haven't started to freak out yet, now is the time. No, wait, what? I'm the only one thinking that after all of the doctor visits, the fingerprinting, the background checks, the waiting, did I mention the waiting? that it still caught me somewhat by surprise. I guess it started to feel like it might not ever happen for us. Just when I kind of tried to put it out of my mind - SURPRISE - BABY!

Ok, I'm not really complaining. I am sooo excited to be a parent. I think the next 4 months might kill me. Mostly because I live with a pregnant woman, but also because I'M TIRED OF WAITING. I want to meet my son. I think about the things I want to show him, to teach him. And I just can't wait to be a part of his life and watch him grow. It's amazing how he isn't even born yet and I love him so much.

Now we get to iron out all of the small details - you know the things that don't matter, like a name? We have it narrowed down to our favorites, but I know that the idea of "thinking" about it will only lead us to the name that has already been chosen - Lincoln. Love it or hate it, it will probably be our son! It has gotten mixed reviews, but we'll see.

Since we can't play sports currently, we are trying to fill time by taking Spanish classes down on the Edmonds Water front. I love it! Si! Hablo Espanol. Hopefully we will do well. We both have a few years of Spanish classes in our past (High school/college) but obviously since we are taking classes - it didn't stay with us for long.

Anyway, I wanted to write a real quick update and get back into the blogging world. We had disappeared - but good things were being accomplished.

Let the games begin!

2011-11-23T11:22:00.000-08:00

Happy day before Thanksgiving! I can’t believe that it’s the end of November already. Seems like just the other day I was wetting my pants at the idea of the scary corn maze for Halloween. I think that was over a month ago now. Weird! Let’s see… What else has happened since I last time I wrote?

For the first time in our relationship Kristen and I finally have weekends off together. It’s crazy because after 5 years you kind of get used to having one day off alone to get “your” stuff done and one day to spend together and to get “together” things done. The only time that it was really a problem was when we wanted to get away for the weekend and one of us would have to take a vacation day to make it happen. I think that this weekend will mark the third weekend together and I’d say it’s going pretty great. It’s not without its challenges, but this is going to be really great when the baby comes!

Even this past weekend we were able to brave the Pass and head over the mountains to spend the weekend after dad’s birthday with him. It was nice that she was able to go with me. We actually fit a ton of stuff in this weekend, too! Normally heading home is a way for me to recharge my batteries. Sleep in and not have to clean. Spend time with mom and dad and pick on my little brother. This weekend was full of seeing old friends and running around! We got to see Sara and spend time with her two boys, hang out Liz who I haven’t seen since high school (gotta love how Facebook brings you back together) and have yummy Casa Mia lunch with Michele (minus Pam because of work, booo!) who are in town from Boston to spend the holiday with her family. Then over the course of the weekend we got to spend time with Dave and meet dad’s girlfriend’s sons. All in all it was a great time.

It was also a good way to forget about the eviction process that I’ve been going through with my rental house tenants. To quickly sum it up, this has definitely been a learning experience and not one that I wish to go through again. I’m not a fan of how one sided the judicial system is toward tenants, especially when they’re not paying (yet I still have to cover the mortgage?). BUT, I’m in the process to getting a property manager who will hopefully be able to turn a somewhat downer situation into something positive. My only issue is that I tend to be a bit of a control freak so giving up being part of the rental house and decisions regarding the house is going to be challenging!

The baby front has been pretty quiet lately. For us, anyway. November is typically a huge month for the agency, more than any other month other than June, and I’m chalking it up to Valentine’s Day and frisky activities. By the 20^th, 6 families were gone from the pool (which is great because typically the months tend to run from 0 to 4 families on average) but without the newsletter which won’t come out until Dec. 1, it’s hard to tell if it’s because of adoptions or maybe for some other reason. Two lesbian couples have gone from the pool and that always makes me feel good about this process. Both couples had been waiting longer than us so it’s awesome that their journey has moved onto the next stage. In other baby news, though, I learned that a co-worker’s wife is pregnant and due in May or June, another co-worker has not one but TWO grandbabies due next year and a third co-worker was just placed with a 3-year old foster daughter!

I feel like 2012 might be our year. I’m not getting my hopes up super high as I’ve been in this process long enough to know better, but I really think that it might work out for us. In the meantime we’re going to keep planning fun things with friends and family! Deck the Hall Ball in December, our annual Leavenworth trip and CONCACAF women’s Olympic qualifying soccer in January. Maybe I can even get Kristen to plan a trip somewhere sunny and warm soon. Winter hasn’t even started here yet, but I’m already over it. Haha.

I wish everyone a fantastic and safe Thanksgiving weekend. May you have too much to eat, laugh too loudly and enjoy every minute with your friends and family! If you’re anything like us, you’re going to gorge yourself on food, get about 2 hours of sleep and head out to the Black Friday sales. I know, it sounds crazy but it’s just another way we’ve found to bond. And I secretly love it ;)

Who asked for the cold weather?!?

2011-10-18T09:32:00.001-07:00

Fall is definitely in the air! Did we even have a summer, though? Oh well. Maybe next year! I actually secretly like the fall season. I don't so much like the cold (I *am* a desert girl, after all) but I love the way the trees turn from green to gold and red. They don't really do that in the Tri-Cities. They turn something more like green to dead there. I like to be snuggled under a blanket with the cats fighting over who gets my lap.

I like what the holiday season means for my family, too. I've agreed (and even helped plan!) a trip to the scary corn maze for later this week. I'm going to freak out and wet my pants. Hopefully this won't make me jumpy for months (OKAY, years) to come. Dad's birthday is in the middle of November and that usually marks one of my last trips back to the Tri-Cities before the winter. This year I'm even going to get to see Michele and Pam who will be in town from Boston! Kristen and I are going to head back for that, so that'll be super fun. Because she works on Saturdays it's rare that we get to take weekend trips together unless one of us takes a vacation day. About a week later mom will be back for Thanksgiving and our 3^rd annual Black Friday shopping trip! I never thought that going out shopping all night would be fun, but I realize now that the people that you go with make all of the difference in the world!

In December we rent a Suburban, fill it full of luggage, gifts, 4 adults and one chalabsky (Jeff and Matt's dog, Leo) and head back to the TC for Christmas with the Fam! It's nice to be able to get all of us back there to celebrate. January brings about the annual trip to Leavenworth and snow sledding fun. And look at that? Before you know it we are into the new year. I'm actually excited for January because we're planning to go to some of the women's soccer qualifying games for the London Olympics that are being played in Vancouver BC this year!

On the baby front, I wish that I could say that no news is good news, but it's really just "no news". There have been some exciting developments as far as our friends go, though. I don't know if I talked about Warren and Chris having adopted in August (I think) and our adoption support group buddies Kristin and Tim adopted about two weeks ago! This is very cool for both couples and just helps to remind me that this is actually happening. There is a lesbian couple in planning right now and I'm excited for them, too. Other than that it's just back to waiting patiently and having faith that this will happen when it's meant to be. We're going through and updating our autobiographies and dear birthparent letter now and plan to make a video for the website in a couple of weeks, I think. Kristen and I just put together the crib last night so the room is starting to really come together now. I think that one of the last things for us to get is the mattress and then we're pretty much done with the nursery! We're waiting to get any sort of bedding because we really want that part of it to be gender specific. We've got a lot of gender neutral clothing and blankets and stuff but I think that both of us are ready to fill the nursery with pinks and purples or blues and oranges now.

Oh, by the way, Babies R Us is CRAZY on the weekends. That's just an FYI from me to you.

So many questions...

2011-09-21T11:09:00.001-07:00

There are days, especially when I'm slow at work or right after we've gotten a screening call where I'll sit and wonder how all of this is going to go down. Mostly questions like, is the birthmom pregnant right now and about to choose a family? What is she going through right now? Will it be that we'll get a call that a birthmother has chosen us and we'll have a few months to get to know her? Be a part of the birth? Maybe not necessarily in the room with her, but close by? Or will it be a last minute placement where we're asked to come as soon as possible because the baby has been born and we've been chosen as parents? A part of me would ache as the thought of not being there from the very beginning but in the grand scheme of it all, would that really matter? Will we have the most perfect Entrustment Ceremony where we call cry and promise to provide the very best for this little life because that's what they deserve?

I wonder about how our relationship will be with the birthparents. I would really love for the birthfather to be around, but will that happen? Even if the birthfather chooses not to be around, between my dad, two brothers and male best friend plus Kristen's dad, stepdad and 7 brothers I think that there will be enough male impressions on their life. What about our relationship with the birth-grandparents and extended birthfamily? I wonder how that's going to be. Will they accept the decision of the birthparents and accept us into their lives or will it be challenging in the beginning?

Will we ever be able to express to the birthparents the gift that they have given to Kristen and I? What is going to happen if our methods of parenting are different? If the baby's culture differs from ours will we ever be able to do them justice by introducing enough of their culture into our lives?

I think about the "firsts" of everything. First full night of sleep. First time they sit up on their own or crawl. First word and first step. And their first birthday and the fun that it will be. Will the birthfamily want to be there? Will we want to combine the parties and have everyone there or would that be too much for us or them? And later birthdays when we get to take them to Jump Planet and bounce around for an hour with all of their little friends. Then I think about the enormity of Kristen and I being responsible for teaching them everything that they're going to know. Well, not everything but you catch my drift. She and I helping to mold them into productive people for society.

What happens 12 years down the road when they are at the age where they are figuring themselves out? Will they understand the adoption and the great sacrifices that their birthparents gave to give them a better life? Will they understand that they were everything that we ever dreamed of and not be angry with us? Will there be a phase where they'll want to live with their birthparents or prefer them over us? How is that going to affect Kristen and I and will it break our hearts? Will *we* have enough strength to know that it's just a phase and one day they'll understand?

Checking in...

2011-09-09T14:07:00.000-07:00

Editor’s note: I always start these blogs out in Word, away from the actual Blog and then I forget what it was that I mentioned last time to be able to continue on with this new blog.

Summer has finally hit Seattle and it couldn’t be more perfect! It’s been in the 80s most of September and to me, that’s perfect. Better late than never, especially when the weatherguys are all aflutter about us having another La Nina winter. I’m not exactly sure what that means but I’m pretty sure that La Nina is Spanish for: you’re going to get a lot of snow, so be prepared. BAH, I say! Let’s focus more on the late summer that we’re having!

Labor Day weekend couldn’t have been more perfect. Friday I was at an all day concert featuring the like of The Naked and Famous, The Givers, AWOLNATION, The Joy Formidable and lots more. It was great to be outside with friends and taking in the awesome weather and great tunes. I don’t know how it happened, but I managed to only burn the inside of my legs. How does that happen?? Anyway, in the meantime mom had come into town and was hanging out with Jeff at the studio. Saturday was spent running around getting ready for the BBQ later that night. The BBQ was fun! More low key than the ones that we normally have, but it was a holiday weekend and the turnout was perfect. I managed to only get bit by one bug which is HUGE news for me. Seems the skeeters in Seattle love them some Misty. Sunday was pretty low key. We spent a couple of hours with Jeff and Matt installing a new washer at the rental house, replacing the one that flooded the laundry room (that’s for THAT, stupid old washer) the Wednesday before the long weekend. Monday Kristen and I hauled down to IKEA for a dresser for the nursery and about $200 worth of other randomness for the house.

Let’s get into how complicated the dresser was to put together. I had heard a while ago that IKEA had to change their little pictorial installers on all of their instructions from being a woman (women’s lib got their panties in a twist) to now be well, not even human-looking, let’s be honest. It took THREE female humans to get that damn dresser together! And there were 2 left over cam locks. Oy. Pray the thing stays together. So all we’re missing now is the crib which was ordered from Babies R Us last night! The whole room is coming together now and I’m completely excited :) I know that it might still be a little while before it’s actually filled with a baby, but these little steps remind me that this is really happening.

Let’s see.. what else? This weekend wraps up the last of the regular season for the Storm and that’s kind of sad. Okay, I’ll be honest and say that I wasn’t really as into this season as I have been in the past. Maybe it was because we were so busy this summer that we missed a handful of games and it was kind of a hassle to schedule everything else around them. Oh well. They’ve made it to the playoffs and tonight’s game determines if we get home court advantage over the Mercury or not. That would be HUGE because it’s harder for us to lose at home than away. Although, I suppose that’s why they call it “advantage”.

One year anniversary!

2011-08-16T15:33:00.000-07:00

The one year anniversary of being in the baby pool came and went without too much fanfare in the Gonzales-Ryan household. In fact, I didn’t even really think about it until about 20 minutes ago when I looked at the date on a drawing that was sitting in front of me and realized that it’s been a year. That’s not to say that I don’t think about it probably every other day, though. July 27^th of this year Kristen and I were busy making plans for an impromptu work trip to Hawaii that I had to take. (I know, I know.. “had” is a strong word to use behind the word “Hawaii”)

So what’s been going on since I last wrote? Because I don’t know the date right off hand, I’m just going to wing it. I think that I posted pictures of Warrior Dash last time which would have been toward the end of July. I actually think that I posted pics of the kickball tourney too, which was the weekend of the 23^rd. So that brings us to the weekend of the 30^th and our trip to Hawaii so I guess I’ll talk about that!

Kristen and I have a (bad? Or maybe good?) habit of trying to cram as many things into vacation as possible – so much so that I need like a day or two to recuperate from all of the fun things that we did! So we left Seattle early Sunday and headed to Hawaii. Landing in Hawaii at around noon or so we just kicked it around the hotel and neighborhood that day. We’d never stayed on that side of Waikiki before so we had a lot of exploring to do. Over the next several days we went parasailing and jet skiing, riding the scooters around the island again, and meeting up with my friend Jen that moved back home to Hawaii to take care of her grandpa. We also met up with Stranger and Danger, a couple that plays kickball with us, at a luau one of the nights! Do you see what I mean about fitting a lot in? Oh yeah, and Friday I had to work (boo!) but that gave Kristen a change to climb Diamond Head (yay!). I was super jealous that she went without me, but I’m glad that she had found something to do instead of just sitting in the room that day. She also got some amazing shots of Waikiki from that vantage but I had taken the camera with me in case I had to go visit the site so all she had was her camera phone! Maybe I can get her to upload some photos here soon.

Here is where you can find other pics of the trip in the meantime, though!

www.flickr.com/mistynkristen

Other than that I just had to hit the ground running when we came back from Hawaii because the rental house tenants were moving out and it’s always a process to get the house turned around and ready to rent again. Overall the house was in good shape, but there’s always one or two things that kick my butt as I’m trying to get them fixed. This time around it’s going to be trying to figure out how to get the broken bathroom faucet off so that I can replace it. It’s one of those funky pedestal type sinks and I have no idea how they got it on so tight to begin with. Yay for life as a slum lord. Anyway…

Summer is wrapping up and that makes me sad. It’s be kind of a lame summer weather-wise and it almost makes me miss the warm Tri-Cities. If it weren’t for those blasted windy winters and the fact that my job is here I’d probably go back in a heartbeat. This weekend is going to be busy with a birthday party go-kart race and Storm game and next weekend is a trip home to celebrate mom’s birthday… finally! Then it’ll be Labor Day weekend and the Summer Camp concert! After that I honestly don’t have anything planned for my weekends, which will be odd. Except I need to plan a paintball outing that I bought on Living Social. I’m learning it’s WAY too handy to have my card preprogrammed into that app. Lol.

All in the blink of an eye...

2011-07-25T21:51:00.000-07:00

I really need to get better at writing more than just once a month. It just seems like a lot goes on between posts that I want to be able to fit the fun into one post.

Let's see.. what's happened since the last post? Pride was the last weekend of June and as always, that's a treat for the eyes. There isn't a part of me that takes Pride seriously but it's good for the people watching. We decided to stick around this year and root on our adoption agency and show support. So, the parade starts out with float #1, right? Well, turns out that our agency was float #204.

Yeah.

So almost 4 hours later our agency crosses in front of us and everyone goes crazy and they ask us to walk with them and we tell them not on our lives (are you kidding? we're shy!) and then we fold up the chairs and say goodbye to the sidewalk friend that we made and then we head to Gordon Biersch for lunch.

Whew. The End.

The first weekend of July brought around Kristen's 29th birthday and the start of the last year in her 20s. This was the first year that she's had a party as a big kid and I think that it turned out pretty good. I really tried to make it special for her. We had a big ol' BBQ at the house with all of our friends. With her birthday being the weekend of the 4th of July is always a party around here.

The second weekend of July was the NKOTBSB concert. Now, had you told a 12 year old Misty (some 20 years ago...) that she was going to see Jonathon Knight is concert (SHUT UP, I LOVED HIM!) I would have gone crazyyyyyy. But you say the same thing to a 33 year old Misty and I'm like, uhh.. we're both gay now and aren't they like, super old?? Anyway, Kristen was super excited and that's all that matters. The whole night was a super surreal experience. Nothing like a Tacoma Dome full of drunk, hot and bothered 30 and 40 year olds!

Jon, Joey, Jordan, Danny and Donnie!

The next weekend was Warrior Dash! Woot woot! I'd been waiting on that run since January! The whole day was crazy fun and I can't wait to do it again next year. It was just fun to hang out with my gang of muddy friends. I'm debating wearing a costume next year! It was really fun to see everyone all dressed up and just having a good time.

All clean before Warrior Dash!

Andddd... after.

Last weekend was the annual kickball tournament where we have yet to win a single game in the three years that we've been playing. I get really bummed about losing (who wants to lose ALL of the time?) but then I remember that it's all about hanging out and having fun. I'm just not a very good loser. Ha.

Kickin' it at kickball.

I've done a pretty good job of trying to stay busy and keep my mind off of one, losing the cats and and two, the adoption thing. I definitely go back and forth about the waiting process. And I've definitely had my moments lately. For the most part I've been okay... definitely too busy to think about it a lot but then there are those times maybe during the day when I'm drafting or at night when I'm listening to Kristen falling asleep that this whole process has really starts to wear on me. So much (or is it so little?) for so long that it's really frustrating.

I found out some pretty depressing news about the husband of a girl that I graduated high school with. Bad headaches led to a brain scan which led to news of a tumor which led to the news of Stage 4 brain cancer. Just like that. Here I am, trying to speed up time so that I can move on with my life and I bet more than anything in the world she is trying to find the pause button on time. I know that everyone says it, but hearing news like that really puts things into perspective, even for someone like myself who isn't really a part of that picture but grieves for my friend all the same. It's a reminder that tomorrow isn't promised to us.

Let the games begin!

2011-06-24T12:14:00.000-07:00

So I'm hanging on to my 5^th grade schoolyard hero dreams by a thread. And not only that, I'm also dragging along 14 of my friends and family into this pipedream with me. What is this crazy idea you ask? Kickball, adult-style! May I introduce myself to you as the newly appointed ASSistant coach of the Kickin' Nuggets! <Insert rowdy applause here> Stay tuned for photos because this is probably going to be the most hilarious (embarrassing), fun (traumatic) and humbling (pants-wetting) thing that a bunch of thirty somethings are about to partake in. Did I mention that 60% of the team is engineers? Yeah, I don't foresee a trophy in our near future. BUT when we do get one, you can bet we're going to trick it out that bad boy with LEDs and solar panels! It'll be the team margarita makin' trophy machine.

This is just another one of the ways that Kristen and I are killing time between now and when a baby arrives. Our summer (well, the season anyway because we clearly did something to tick Mother Nature off and she's grounding us from the sun…) is jam packed with fun things that actually kicked off last weekend with the Survivor Mud Run. As you can see from the photos below it was one of the most disgusting things I think that I have done in recent memory. There was mud everywhere! And we're not talking wet dirt here, people. We're talking the soupy stuff and possibly some stuff that was all mixed with some cow stuff. It was gross! But so fun :)

Kevin, Lisa, Me, Michele, Layne and Scott - Mud Run 2011

First sign of the soupy mess ahead - Mud Run 2011

Oh, but first I have to tell you about Memorial Day weekend! Mom and I decided to take a mini-vacay to Victoria BC as neither one of us has ever gone and why the heck not, ya know? So we jumped on the Clipper ferry early Friday and headed north! First stop was Butchart Gardens which allowed us to kill time before we could check in. The story behind that place, if you've never been, is Mr. Butchart was in the concrete business and in digging for said product he created large craters in the ground which Mrs. Butchart came along behind him and his bulldozers and filled with beautiful flowers. There is a place on site that is called The Sunken Garden and it has to be one of the best places on Earth. There is color everywhere and waterfalls and just pure serenity. Put it on your bucket list, people, you do NOT want to miss that. After Buchart Gardens we were dropped off at the hotel. Oh, here is where I have to mention that cell phones in the US will not work in Canada without roaming. Roaming = $$$. Which is a gigantic pain when you're used to having Google at your fingertips and the ability to text anyone at the drop of a dime. So when you get to your hotel and there are 3 calls from your girlfriend with the message, "Call me back ASAP, but it's not an emergency", you tend to get a little freaked out. Why? Because how do you call her back when your phone doesn't work in Canadia!!

Musical fountain - Butchart Gardens, Victoria BC 2011

Top of Rock - Butchart Gardens, Victoria BC 2011

Mom at base of Rock - Butchart Gardens, Victoria BC 2011

Mom: You want me to do WHAT?!? - AdrenaLINE zipline, Victoria BC 2011

Me: This can't be OSHA approved. - AdrenaLINE zipline, Victoria BC 2011

Turns out we got a call from the adoption agency about a woman who had given birth *that morning* and they wanted our permission to submit our information to the birth mother (this is what we refer to as a Last Minute Placement). The catch? We would need to be down in Eugene to pick the baby up the next morning. (Side note: this is the story of my life. I always seem to be about 800 miles and a ferry ride north of where I need to be the next day.) This always so hard and it always breaks my heart and leaves me with a pit in my stomach for a few days. There was news about the birthmother (and subsequently the baby) that might not have been in the best interests of Kristen and I so we told the agency that we would pass on this opportunity. As much as I love it when they call because it means that they're trying on our behalf, when we get calls like that it rocks me to my core. Again, the caretaker in me wants to reach out and help and make everything okay for this baby, but the logical side of me (damn her sometimes) knows that Kristen and I aren't equipped to handle some situations right now. I know that she's found a good home, though. But still I can't help but wonder if this is ever going to happen for us.

Anyway, the rest of the vacation was spent walking around Victoria and trying out all of the little eateries. Mom and I even went ziplining! Let me tell you a little bit about this. I'm not afraid of heights. If fact, I don't think that people have a fear of heights, per se. Why? You get to see the most amazing things being up where you normally aren't, right?? I think that, like me, the majority of people are afraid of FALLING from said height. Because who the heck wants that, ya know? Anyway, there's still something terrifying about being ATV'ed up a hillside to the first zipline where there is nothing between you and the Sooke Rainforest but a ¾" steel cable and the little keychain clips they sell for $4.99 at Walmart. Plus learning that the first zipline is called Commitment. Why, you ask? Because as soon as you step off that platform there's no getting " back down to earth" until the end of the session. So here we are, mom and I, zigzagging across the treetops at 45mph. So fun!

From now until the middle of August or so, my weekends are filled with little fun things to look forward to and I'm excited about that. Pride, Kristen's birthday BBQ, the Warrior Dash, NKOTBSB concert (yes, I can't believe I just admitted to that either) and much more! Plus, during the week there's always soccer and now kickball and finding the time to spend time taking care of both houses and hitting up the local self-serve fro-yo place!

I've been a little down lately about some things, but I can tell in going back and reading this post and remembering the fun times that I've had lately that my life is actually pretty great. I really do have amazing friends and family who are cheering along with Kristen and I as we go through this process and offering support and words of encouragement when they can. We'll get there one day, friends.

And when we do, you get to babysit!

Not New To This

2011-05-24T18:40:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about it lately and realized that I'm not new to adoption. Within the last two weeks I've lost two cats that I've raised and loved on and spoiled rotten for the last 12 years. Sometimes I feel ashamed to ache and grieve for them as much as I do, but then I realize that together we've invested 12 years of our lives in each other. Them in trusting me to provide for them and care for them and me in having partners in crime and someone to snuggle with even when the times are tough.

Sometimes I worry that I'm going to forget about them when they pass, but then there are times that I can remember every single thing about them. There are days like today when my heart breaks at the mere thought of them and days where I can smile and remember certain characteristics of each of their personalities. I remember moving them from the Tri-Cities 240 miles to Seattle, from Seattle to Everett and from Everett to Lynnwood.

Right now there are 4 left. Three girls and one boy. I never in my mind predicted combinations of who would be left behind but this isn't a combination that I would have imagined. I soon will have ashes of 3 beautiful cats whose memories I hope to never forget. We're going to plant a tree in the front yard and do something special with what remains of them.

The song goes: Every new beginning comes with some other beginning's end. While my beginnings may be ending, I find happiness in the fact that both of my parents are going through adoptions of their own. My dad just got a little girl kitten and my mom has decided to adopt a little girl puppy. And I know that my days of adopting little furry friends aren't over, either. One day when The Kittens all pass and I've had time to heal, I'll do it all over again.

Because even through the heartbreak there is happiness.

Shadow

Angel

Tigger

Closer

2011-05-02T20:28:00.000-07:00

Let's be honest… The month of April gets a pretty bad rap as far as the media and history is concerned. Hitler's birthday, Rodney King riots, Columbine shootings, 320 people killed in the South by freak tornadoes, etc. etc., but it also happens to be my birth month so because of that, I'm always going to have a soft spot in my heart for April. And also, April was a HUGE month for lesbians in the adoption pool. Actually, it was a huge month for the adoption pool in general and I LOVE that! Overall the month of April saw 8 couples (two of them lesbian couples) adopt babies. Far more than any other month since we entered the pool last July. It's so exciting! It's also weird to see Kristen and I at the bottom of page 5 because we entered the pool on page 12. So many changes. Things are getting closer to being complete and it's a good feeling.

This past weekend was my birthday weekend with friends and family and it was a really good time. It's been a wetter-than-usual Winter/Spring so when I saw in the 10-day forecast that this past Saturday was slated for 57 and sunny, I was all over making birthday BBQ plans! You have to understand my excitement because it seriously snowed about 8" on my 30^th birthday. My SURPRISE 30^th birthday party. At the end of APRIL. In SEATTLE of all places. Still all of my friends and family were troopers and made their way to our house despite the crappy weather. Couldn't have loved all of them more that day!

I am kind of regretting that I washed my car yesterday when it was 60 and sunny because in typical Seattle-fashion it's about 48 and raining out there right now. DOH.

I don't have any new news on the baby-front, though. April is also a fantastic month in that I caught Kristen in a good enough mood for HER to suggest that we go out baby clothes shopping and pick up some furniture from a friend (which we've been meaning to do for the past several months). We had such a good time looking at all of the cute little things and came away with some great swag! This month's adoption support group meeting's topic is all about ideas for the entrustment ceremony and how to deal with the final steps of the adoption which I'm really looking forward to. It's also the last meeting before they break for the summer. It's been great meeting those people and getting to know them, but part of me secretly wishes that all of us who have become friends won't have to show up in September when they resume the meetings because we will all have adopted by then. Hey, a girl can wish, right? I guess that over the summer I'm just going to have to plan some cool things to look forward to as much as I've looked forward to the adoption meetings. July is covered with Warrior Dash and June might be covered with something called a Survivor Mud Run! As weird as it sounds, I'm actually really getting into this running stuff. Maybe not the long distance ones, but 5k's aren't too bad.

One year ago...

2011-03-29T13:05:00.000-07:00

I meant to write this a couple of weeks ago when it was actually the one year anniversary of our adoption process but then I forgot. Such is life and it's not the first time I've forgotten something, right friends?

Anyway! One year ago March 17th, Kristen and I started the adoption process. Mounds of paperwork later we entered the babypool on July 27, 2010. So it hasn't quite been a year in the pool and had one of us actually gotten pregnant, we still would be one month from delivering, anyway. Or more like 3 weeks, but whatever. Close enough. March has been a slow month at the agency and I'm feeling myself get a little anxious about the process. This would mark the first time where I've really felt OVER the waiting since we entered the pool.

I'm wondering if the idea of turning 33 has me all worried about something. I've never really felt a day over 24 (seriously, unless I'm running or falling) but the idea of turning 33 in less than a month now has me all anxious about just moving on with my life. I'm not excited about this idea of perpetual waiting but at the same time I understand it's necessary. And I know that I should be all greatful for the time right now when Kristen and I can just run out and do things on a whim but we've had 5 years to do that now, ya know?

Anyway, at the last Adoption Support Group meeting we were told by the counselor that was running the show that the Seattle counselors are busy working with birthmothers (so much so that they couldn't make it to the meeting themselves) so that's reassuring. Maybe there will be more movement in the pool soon and maybe it'll involve us! Our next meeting is down at PICC in Kent and I'm kind of excited about that. The Center's goal is to help take care of babies that are born addicted to drugs. I'm really hoping that Kristen and I can get a better understanding of what that might entail should we decide to take on that challenge.

In the meantime, it's pretty much life as usual for us. We're right in the middle of picking a roofing contractor to replace the roof at the Lynnwood house and I've decided to put the Everett house on the market, just to test out the waters. The weather has seemed overly crappy here lately (even for "rainy" Seattle) and I'm just looking forward to some warm, sunny days. I'm hoping that Mother Nature will bless us with an unusally long summer (like till December would work for me) for slamming us with such a crappy winter and start of spring. It's time for Storm games and BBQs with friend! And maybe a spodi or two :)

Alright, lunch break is over! Back to work and more later, I'm sure.

Finally!

2011-02-24T12:44:00.000-08:00

There was FINALLY a lesbian adoption at our agency! Apparently the last lesbian adoption was October of 2009 which was extremely daunting to learn about 3 months ago. But it doesn't matter anymore because there's been a lesbian adoption and the only way this could be more exciting (and terrifying, but in a totally good way) is if it was US! Yay for them and their new little family :) I'm also excited that our next adoption support group meeting is in a week! While Kristen is friends with a couple of people from the group on Facebook, I haven't seen or talked to anyone since our December meeting. Definitely miss the information and connections with people that are going through the same things that we're going through.

So let's see... I think my last post found me in -15 degree weather in Colorado with the other Durangotangs. Since then I've been to San Diego and now I'm back in Seattle with no foreseeable travel in my near future. I like to travel but there are definitely times when it's just great to be HOME. San Diego was awesome and warm and it's definitely a place that I could see myself living if we ever had to move. I'm all about beach weather, people. Sun, sand and surf is for me.

Speaking of which, we're trying to plan our annual "summer vacation" right now. I really wish that I could feel safe in Mexico, because I LOVE it there, but right now it's just scary. And I know they say to avoid only the border towns and that the resort towns are safe, and I know that if something was going to happen to us it could happen ANYWHERE, but I feel like, why put myself in that situation where we know it's dangerous? Hopefully one day Mexico can get a handle on the drug stuff, but until then I'm going to have to find somewhere else to vacation. Which brings us to St. Martin! Maybe. We've talked about a cruise but Kristen's main worry is that I'm going to feel "trapped" on the boat and I'm going to be miserable. I can't argue her that because I'm the same person that HAS TO (has to, people) try to leave the house any time it snows just to see how far I can get before I'm actually stuck and have to slink back and admit defeat. I hate feeling trapped so cruise could be a very interesting concept for me. My argument to her is that we could try it once and if it's way to much for me to handle then we just don't do it again. We'll see how that goes :)

I haven't really bought anything baby related for a while and I think that I might do something about that. Maybe this weekend. I can't have Kristen with me because she talks me out of everything! Even just a pack of onesies or a blanket or something! Her answer is always NO. I think that she's afraid of having too much stuff around the nursery room, but the way I look at it is every month we're in the pool is one month closer to a baby! Girl Scout up! Be prepared! Plus the door to the nursery is always closed (it's been deemed a cat free zone) so maybe I'll just sneak things in there one by one and hope that she doesn't notice.

Warrior Dash traiing is actually going really well for me! I manage to get to the gym about 4 times a week with one of those days being soccer on Tuesdays. I'm also doing this calorie count thing on my iPhone and it's been a real eye opener to watch the amount of calories that you put in your mouth every day without really thinking about it. I've never really been a snacker, but even small things like (2) Carmel Delight (Samoa, whatever) Girl Scout cookies are 160 calories! Do you know how much time on the treadmill that equals? About 20 minutes at 5mph. Just to burn those off! Okay, now I'm sounding preach-y but you get my point. So far I'm down 2 pounds out of the 9 that I wanted to lose, which Lose It (the iPhone app) promised me would happen by April 15th so we'll see how it goes :) I'm gonna be one sexy Warrior Dash biatch!

It's been a while...

2011-02-03T21:26:00.000-08:00

I had hoped that 2011 was going to start out a lot less painful than 2010, but that wasn't in the stars for me. I found out that my mentor of 7 years died on January 21st at the age of 35. I spent most of the week after I found out in complete shock and disbelief that it had even happened. He and I didn't part ways on very good terms but I think that over time we had a mutual understanding that things were okay between us. I don't know. It makes you really stop and realize that anything can happen at any time and you shouldn't take for granted that you'll have tomorrow to say you're sorry or that you love someone. Anyway, before I go getting all mooshie...

Our Leavenworth getaway was great fun this year! My little brother showed up with his girlfriend this year and we all had a really good time. We posted tons of photos and videos on our Facebook pages about the tubing. They raised the prices from $10 to $15 so we were only able to go one time this year (just because I hate spending other people's money). It was still as fun as ever, though. I think that we've made tentative plans to take the Friday before off next year and go snowmobiling. That would be so much fun and something that I've never done before! We even made plans to head up to Leavenworth sometime over the summer to go whitewater rafting. I love that we're making memories :)

I'm sitting here in Durango, Colorado trying not to freeze my nether-regions off. It was -15 degrees at 7:00 this morning and I'm pretty sure that's the coldest weather that I've ever been in. Probably wasn't the smartest thing to land here last night wearing only a tshirt and hoodie, but whatever. I'll learn for next time. Oh, and I learned that people from Durango are called Durangotangs. Love it!

So not much has changed as far as the adoption stuff goes. I had to miss this month's meeting (which was tonight) because of travelling and that pretty much sucks. We haven't been to a meeting since the beginning of December and I'm starting to miss the topics and contact with other adoptive parents. I think that our agency may have lost another counselor out of the Seattle office and that kind of weirds me out. That'll be two counselors in about 4 months and the turnover is slightly disheartening. I'm not positive that that happened but a few things have pointed toward the idea that one of the more vocal counselors no longer works there. Otherwise things are pretty much the same. Just waiting and watching couples enter and exit the pool. There still hasn't been a lesbian couple adoption yet, but I'm remaining hopeful that 2011 will be a new year. Speaking of adoption, my longtime friend's adoption of her little boy will be finalized tomorrow. I'm super excited for them.

They say that keeping busy is a way to make the time go by faster so that you're not constantly is "wait mode" for a baby. Kristen and I haven't really planned our summer vacation yet (*ahem* KRISTEN), but hopefully we will soon. But we did, however, sign up for this: www.warriordash.com!

Pretty cool, huh! And it's not just *us*, I've gotten about 10 of my closest friends and family to go out and get muddy with us! I'm actually really looking forward to this. I'm not much of a runner, believe me. My mentality is that in order for me to actual want to run, I better be chasing something (like soccer) or something better be chasing me (like a tiger). I don't run just to run but there's something about this whole event that appeals to the butchy athelete side of me. Michele and I are going to spend weekends finding hay bales and junk cars to hop over to get ready for July 16th! This is going to be so much fun.

Anyway, with the time difference it's almost 10:30 here so I should start thinking about sleeping. I have to be downstairs at 8:00am to head to the airport for home. I think that I caught a crappy cold on the plane but I'm hoping that maybe it just has to do with the change in weather and altitude or something. I don't have time for a cold right now!

Adios 2010!

2010-12-31T11:11:00.000-08:00

Ah, 2010. I'm trying to remember if you were more pessimistically-optimistic or the other way around. I do remember that you started off kind of painful. The fertility treatments weren't working and Kristen and I were faced with moving on to IVF (painful) or looking into adopting (something that we hadn't thought through at that point).

January saw me flush my cell phone down the toilet at a lacrosse game (seriously, it happens people) and the introduction of the iPhone to Misty (best. gift. ever.). Plus we had our First Annual Leavenworth trip! February brought around the initial meeting at the adoption agency where we got a feeling of what was to come.

March brought about the decision to go with Open Adoption and Family Services as the agency of choice to use in our adoption process. The Pre-Adoption meeting was fun and informative and that's where we met Warren and Chris. April and May were filled with paperwork, paperwork, paperwork and home studies and June was filled with gathering pictures for our photo collage, wrapping up the paperwork for the background checks and finishing the final drafts of our autobiographies. It was also the first time that I'd ever been fingerprinted before and I was nervous! Now I'm never allowed to do anything bad again because I'm in AFUS and they'll bust me faster than a clock can coo-coo.

We entered the baby pool at the end of July! The 27th to be exact and everyone knows how much that's my favorite number, so I felt pretty lucky. We also started working on the baby's nursery: painting the walls, fixing the trim and removing the ugly popcorn stuff from the ceiling. August brought around our big trip to Boston and NY to see friends. I hadn't been back to Boston since 2000 and neither one of us had been to NY so it was a great time! Plus we got to go to the beach in New Hampshire and play in the Atlantic and that's not something that you get to say/do every day, ya know!

September, October, November were waiting months. We've made a list of everyone in the pool and we're kind of monitoring the trends of who is adopting and who is still left in the pool. September was also the start of the monthly adoption gatherings through the agency and we've met some pretty cool people through there. It's nice to know that we're not going through this alone.

December has been another waiting month but has gone by so fast that it doesn't feel like we've been in the pool for 5 months already. We also went back to Eastern Washington for Christmas for the first time since my parents divorced. It was great to have everyone there.

2010 has also seen at least 6 our our friends have babies (that's just a quick count off the top of my head, sorry if I forgot anyone) and with that comes joy and pain for me (not speaking for Kristen here). Maybe that's hard to explain. I'm super excited for our friends and love that they have started or added to their little family units. At the same time we've been trying this for so long that it's painful in a way that to watch other people just be able to move on. Overall, though, I'm just happy that everyone that I love and care about it happy and safe.

So 2011, I have high hopes for you! You start in about 13 hours and you have some big shoes to fill. January will bring around our annual Leavenworth trip, April my birthday, July Kristen's birthday but other than that we don't have a lot planned for you right now. I'm sure there will be game nights and summer BBQs. Possibly a new roof for the house, maybe a new car for Kristen and some random remodeling projects. Hopefully you will bring and end to Gretchen's cancer and you will bless another 6 of our friends with babies.

Oh yeah, and feel free to send a stork (or two, hey, I'm not being picky!) around our way too :)

Editor's Note (that's me): September also saw my Seattle Storm win the WNBA Championship again! Woot!

Movin' on up!

2010-12-12T13:12:00.000-08:00

Slowly but surely we're making our way up in the pages on the adoption website. This is both good and bad in that it means couples are being picked and moving on with their lives and bad in that it's not us. Haha. I have my moments when I go crazy about the wait, but overall things are pretty good. I haven't done any more baby supplies shopping yet, but there's still plenty of time left in the month. I think that Shannon letting us borrow her things for the time being has really allowed me to calm down about not being all that prepared. Except this morning where the conversation went a little something like this:

Kristen: We have to pick up Mack tomorrow, don't let me forget.
Me: Okay, I'll add a reminder to my phone.
Kristen: I don't have baby carseat tie downs in my car. (Some other things but I don't want to freak Gretchen out.. haha)
Me: Um, maybe it's time we spend $25,000 so you can get baby carseat tie downs? Hint: maybe you need a new car.

We're totally picking up Mack in my car, Gretchen, don't worry.

Anyone who knows anything about Kristen and I knows that we've been having the "maybe Kristen should get a new car" talk for oh, about 3 years now. I know one day it'll happen but it's going to happen on Kristen Time and not Misty Time.

Christmas is less than 2 weeks away now and I'm excited to go spend a few days back home with the family. I think that mom is stoked that we're going back for Christmas which is cute to see. Everytime we talk on the phone she's like, "You guys are still coming back, right?" Yes, mom, the plan is to still go back. Pending the pass isn't a complete and total snowy mess. Even then the plan is for the 4 of us and Leo to rent a big ol' SUV and make our way back together. Unless the weather is going to be clear and then we might just take our own cars and save the moolah. Who knows?

Anyway, just wanted to touch base! Things are pretty much the same with us. Working, christmas shopping, going to the gym and hanging out with friends. Life's been pretty good :)

Transracial shmasracial

2010-12-03T23:00:00.000-08:00

We're fresh off our December adoption meeting and I always have a good couple of weeks after each of these meetings. They tend to remind me about the end goal and how we just have to stick in there because one day it's going to happen for us. This meeting was about Transracial Adoption and I was pretty excited about the topic in general.

In the beginning of this whole adoption process we were given a boatload of paperwork and one of them was a Transracial Adoption questionnaire booklet who's job was to ask us questions that would put us in situations where we had to think abotu whether or not we would be comfortable adopting outside of our race. I was pretty confident about my answers to the questions but when everything was said and done, I was one question away from falling into the "maybe you're not really ready to adopt outside of your race" category.

I was shocked.

I consider myself pretty diverse and a non-racist individual. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I fall into one of the smallest minorities on the planet. Female. Mexican. Lesbian. I couldn't believe that I was one question away from the being in the next category.

So ultimately this brings up the question of whether or not Kristen and I are prepared to adopt outside of our race. And I guess the short answer is: I'm not sure. I listened to the stories of the adoptive mothers that were there tell their stories of raising their beautiful African American daughters and the comments that even the most well-intentioned people would make. How would Kristen and I handle those? Would we be equipped to response with kindness rather than rash responses?

I would like to think that racism doesn't exist in the world that I live in today. That it's almost 2011 and it's time that we put all of that behind us. I'm no better than you and you're no better than the person next to you. Regardless of your color. But here's the thing that I've been painfully aware of most of my life. Aside from the fact that it's obvious that I'm female and unless you know my last name, I've pretty much been able to "hide" the fact that I'm Mexican or the fact that I'm a lesbian unless it's something that I want you to know. The idea of adopting a child of color or of a different race puts everything out there. They're going to have 2 mothers, they are going to look different than us and they are going to be adopted.

I don't know.. I feel like I'm babbling.. it's almost 11:00 on a Friday. Maybe it's time for sleep and more blogging later :)

Oh yeah, FYI: I'm blogging in purple and this font and Kristen's taking the white font. Now you can keep track of who's talking smack about who!

It's beginning to look alot like....Winter.

2010-11-22T11:06:00.000-08:00

It is snowing. And it’s a deafening reminder that the Holidays are approaching at warp speed. This past weekend we had our Pre-Thanksgiving Thanksgiving with Misty's dad. It was nice. We had ham for this one, in the hopes of not burning ourselves out on turkey before the actual Turkey day. We played wii and had a good time. I think maybe we will try to make that a tradition. He left early on Sunday due to the mountain pass being so snowy.

Misty and I went and did some preliminary shopping yesterday. We got a few people completely taken care of, and got ideas for the rest. I now have to think about what to get Misty for Christmas. It’s so tough since I have already exhausted the entire realm of electronics. I love that she is easy to buy for like a guy! As long as it is new and technology she is pretty much excited. I thought about getting us a new video camera, since we could possibly have a little one around soon, and all we have are 8mm film cameras still. But we'll see. (After all she IS reading this).

Through a friend I know a woman who had placed her child up for adoption using the agency we are working with. It was only about 4 months ago that the placement occurred, and I think she is still having a hard time with it. She is also going through a tough breakup; I invited her and her other daughter to Thanksgiving at our house. I hate the idea that anyone would spend Thanksgiving alone, especially when going through such a hard time.

Speaking of hard time: For those of you who don't know, one of my best friends Gretchen has been in the past 4 months - Diagnosed with breast cancer, had double mastectomy surgery, also found out she had a type of skin cancer on her breast skin, had surgery for that, and is now in the process of chemotherapy. Anyone who knows Gretchen knows she is a tough cookie, but I know she is struggling with this. She will also be at Thanksgiving, even if she doesn't really enjoy the holiday. I told her if she didn't come, I would go to her condo, knock on the door, and loudly proclaim “YOU GAVE ME HERPES" until she answered the door and agreed to attend. I think that threat was effective

Bittersweet Symphony... That's Life

2010-11-19T10:15:00.000-08:00

It's another drafting day and I think that I could really get used to Fridays being this laid back and quiet. I spent the first 3 days of this week in Revit training and for anyone who knows anything about what I'm talking about you know that by the end of day 3 you're so saturated in new information that you just want the entire week to be over. Yesterday was pretty rough for me but today seems to be a little better.

We got our second screening call Wednesday afternoon and that was kind of cool. Once again, though, the birthmother had been heavily into drugs during the first 6 months of her pregnancy and the doctors and agency have no idea what the long-term implications of this will have on the unborn baby. I did some research online and found that it was probably better that we passed on this situation as well. I just want a happy and healthy, ten fingers, ten toes baby, is that too much to ask?

We also found out yesterday that the gay couple that we took our pre-adoption seminar with was chosen earlier this month. Hearing that has been kind of bittersweet for me. I'm *totally* excited for them, ya know? But at the same time you begin to question everything about all of the paperwork that you submitted. Why not us? What could we change? What exactly is a birth mother looking for? I don't know… You hear from a birthmother (a friend Kristen happened to meet on a fluke) that birthmothers would rather pick a gay couple because then there's no competition about who the "mother" is. And I can't help but wonder if the show "Modern Family" has anything to do with it. They portray a gay couple who has adopted and everything seems totally fun and happy and goofy. And I'm sure that it is! I'll I'm getting at is that there isn't a fun/happy/goofy portrayal of a lesbian adoptive couple out there that birthmothers could relate to. Maybe that's far-fetched. I don't know.. again, you question everything.

Another thing that I'm having sort of a hard time with is because, yes, I'm stalking the baby pool website. Why torture myself, you ask? Because I like to see progress. The bum deal about my spreadsheet is that I've been tracking the straights vs. gays vs. lesbian adoptions since the middle of August and there have been about 7 straight adoptions and 4 gay couple adoptions and ZERO (yes, zero) lesbian adoptions. That would be another reason that I'm frustrated. Part of me wants to call up the agency and ask when the last lesbian adoption was and the other part of me knows that hearing the answer probably isn't going to make me feel better anyway, so why bother?

Anyway, enough of being a downer. This last weekend with mom was actually a lot of fun. We went baby shopping and picked up a bunch of cool things. I may have broken my "one or two things a month" promise with Kristen, but I get to blame it on mom. Although, technically mom bought everything this weekend so I should still be able to get my one or two things for this month, right?!?! Yay! Probably shouldn't press my luck.

And now we're swinging almost full force into the Holidays and I'm pretty excited for that. I'm looking forward to some much needed time off and spending time with my family and friends. We've even planned our 2^nd annual family trip to Leavenworth and I'm excited about that as well. Dad's coming this weekend for Turkey Day before Turkey Day, Mom will be here for Thanksgiving weekend, then the Choke grand opening (I'm gonna win the iPad damnit!), then my company holiday party/Jenn's 30^th birthday party! Busy, busy! I like having these little things to look forward to. Kind of takes your mind off of the bigger baby picture for a while, ya know? I'd even like to get a summer vacation planned soon so that I can start my vacation excitement countdown!

Be Prepared!

2010-11-12T10:20:00.000-08:00

So Kristen has been trying to get me to write a blog for a couple of days now and I figured that now is the perfect opportunity. Today has basically been a "drafting day" and anyone familiar with engineering and AutoCAD knows that basically means you put on your headphones, kick up some good music and just work the day away. This is also the time that I do most of my thinking – which could be good or bad, depending on the topic! Today is a good day, calm down Kristen. Eesh.

Last night was our second Adoptive Parenting meeting and I really enjoy these. Not only does it give us a chance to meet people who are in the same situation that we're in, the counselors provide topics for us to be thinking about as we are going through the Long Wait. Last night's topic was "The Last-Minute Placement" which was definitely on my Top 10 things to know about adoption. When I think about a last minute placement everything in me starts to freak out. This is how it could work, people: I could be right in the middle of a good thoughts drafting day and BAM! there's a phone call from the agency that says there is a healthy baby at the hospital waiting for us to come pick him/her up. We would have 20 minutes to decide if the information that the counselor has given us about the birth family is acceptable. TWENTY MINUTES that could possibly change the rest of our lives FOREVER. GO!

First thought? Holy. Crap. Technically that might be two thoughts, but whatever. (FYI: those were the same words that I used when at the meeting last night when the counselor asked us what we would be feeling in two words.) What about work? What about the cats? Are we packed? Do we have enough stuff? How long are we going to have to plan to stay in the town/at the hospital with the baby? Are we really ready for this emotionally/physically/financially? I guess the simple, honest answer to all of those is: No. But you can never really be fully ready, right? The nursery is painted, the furniture just needs to be picked up from a friend's house and we are slowly but surely buying onesies and bottles and blankets. Emotionally, I'm so ready for this process to come to an end. Our baby plight has taken us over a 2 year period and that's long enough. I'm ready for my life to be about more than just Kristen and I. I'm ready to focus on someone else now. Financially, we're about as ready as we're ever going to be. We have savings and checking and 401k's and families that would be there in a heartbeat should something come up that we couldn't afford. I'm not really worried about that.

This is what I'm worried about: As much as Kristen and I have in common, we are COMPLETELY different. Love her to death, but my partner is a procrastinator. Probably one of the biggest things that we fight about in our relationship. I'm a planner. It literally IS my job. I have to jungle sometimes up to 15 projects a WEEK, kicking them along to meet the next deadline. My job is all about being on time and delivering exceptional projects because if I don’t, the next drafter/engineer/firm will. I was also a Girl Scout and you know the motto: Be Prepared. I'm just sayin'. I mention all of this stuff now because we were sent a screening email about a week ago that sent me (the planner) into a tailspin of "oh-my-god-this-could-really-happen-tomorrow" freakout session and it didn't seem to affect Kristen (the waiter) in the least. This KILLS me. So needless to say, I now have a borrowed car seat and stroller, onesies and blankets and burp rags. Calls are in to my brother to borrow his truck and go and get the furniture from Gretchen. Mom (who couldn't be more ready to be a grandmother) is getting ready to buy a crib.

I know that we shouldn't be getting a whole bunch of things because then there won't be anything for our friends to get us if they want to but listening to them talk last night the Adoptive mother that had been put in a last minute placement situation was saying we'd be going through 4 to 6 onesies a DAY. I only have a pack of 4 right now! I totally don't want to buy a bunch of things and ruin anything for our friends/family, but I want to (in stereo now!) Be Prepared. I want to make it so that we can spend the first few days bonding as a family and not bickering because we don't have enough or rushing out to go pick up things at the last minute. That's all.

I think that we came to a compromise last night at around 11:00 as I was trying to pack for my trip home this weekend. We're going to buy one or two things a month so that we have something to look forward to every month. This solves the problem of Kristen not wanting to be "too ready" and my "I can't be ready enough" issues. We also promised to not make big purchases (the car/stroller combo and crib (sorry, Mom) without the other person there. So guess what?

I'm totally using my one or two things a month card for this weekend and going shopping with Mom while I'm home. Bazinga! (Big Bang Theory reference).

2010-11-09T19:10:00.000-08:00

My Beiber fever went and turned into a cold, or at least thats how it seems. It seemed to hit me around 3pm today. I hate being sick, because lets face reality, I am a HUGE baby when I'm sick. I just don't like the idea of being sick, not being 100%.

Misty had soccer tonight. Unfortunetly the game started before I could get off work, boo! I like to watch her run around and dominate on the soccer field. It ind of makes me feel like a parent. I might even have one of those buttons made with her picture. You know the ones, with the ribbon under it that says "Thats my girl". All of the parents had them in highschool.

I forgot to mention what happened to us on Saturday night. We were out living it up, enjoying our saturday night out. (We went to Lowes, wooo party time!) And on the way we got a flat tire. So we start to get out the spare, get the jack ready, and take off the lug nuts. Only one issue, they were torqued on with a gun, and I could NOT get them off. Luckily for us, a guy who saw us struggling came to help. He was like 5'6 and super gay. Yeah, thats right. A 5'6 super gay man in crocodile boots, helped us change our tire. George, you are our hero. Talk about deflation of dyke-ness. I just feel that since I carry a purse, I shouldn't need to change a tire ;)

Ok I have officially reached big baby time, as it pertains to my cold. It is time for me to get all warm and comfy and try to fight off this cold.

I think I have the Beiber Fever. Can antibiotics cure that?

2010-11-08T21:23:00.000-08:00

Okay, so my goal is to try to write a post every few days or so. This might be a complete and utter fail in the future, but it appears I am on track to complete that objective.

When we attended the pre-process meeting for the adoption agency we were attending with four other couples who were/are interested in the adoption process. Out of the 5 of the couples in the meeting, only 2 of us have actually entered the waiting pool. I'm not quite sure what stopped the other couples, but the other couple to join the pool are two really amazing guys from Colorado. They appear to be really great guys, and it would be nice to keep in touch with them considering we will have children with not only a process but the same agency inc ommon. I hope that they are picked soon, and since they are a male/male couple, I'm not quite sure how much we are in "competition" with one another.

Each week since we entered the pool, it seems that more and more families are entering. It is kind of a bummer because as each family joins the pool you feel that your chances of being chosen get more and more dilluted. But then at the same time, I am very happy that a birthmother has many families to choose from. This will ensure she has the opportunity to pick a family she really believes in and not just one that she settles for.

The hardest part of this process so far has been the loss of our counselor. She left the agency just after we entered the waiting pool. She emailed us and said her goodbyes, and told us who our new counselor would be. It has been almost 2 months and we have not heard a word from the other counselor. Part of me gets upset because I feel that with the amount of money we are spending, we deserve at least an email from the new counselor acknowledging that she is our new counselor, or at least an email telling us who to contact if we had any questions/comments/concerns.

This has been the most annoying part of the process so far. Lack of communication. It would be nice to get an email maybe bimonthly giving us possible stats of how many times our letter has gone out. But then again that could be a bad thing for some couples. If they get caught up in the numbers. Maybe I'm just whining because at this point I feel that any communication would be better than the lack there of we have been experiencing.

The one thing I have going for me right now is that it is NFL season. Which means I am completely and utterly preoccupied with my fantasy team. Don't judge me. There is something about the sport of football I find completely and utterly fascinating. I love the idea of each down being a new beginning. Unlike basketball, football has pauses and chances for the offense to read the defense and vise verse. It just seems like more of a chess game. A game of strategy that allows you time to setup and create plans to trick and manipulate players on the other team. I dislike the violence that is associated with it, as I do not wish harm upon anyone, but I just love the sport. I get so excited every year.

It is something to distract me. And distraction during the waiting process is key to not over analyzing the process or the time spent waiting. There is another "waiting-family" group meeting coming up soon. I know that Misty is wanting to go to it. The subject this meeting is last minute placements. Hopefully we will learn some interesting things. And since I had a horrible allergy attack last meeting (I didn't really feel very social) I hope that this meeting will allow us the opportunity to meet the other families and make new friends. At least people who can relate to this process with us.

On another note. I have Justin Beiber stuck in my head. Well he personally is not stuck in my head, but his song. Why you ask? Because it comes on the radio every 3 or 4 songs. And since when a song gets stuck in my head it torments me, and causes a neruological response in me that can be described as BAD DANCING, I have been doing the moon walk and shimmy through the house today.

Stop. Picture it. "baby, baby, baaaaaaaaaby, OOOOO" Yeah, exactly. That is my current reality. I need help. Seriously, I hope this Beiber fever breaks soon.

Dear Birth Parent Letter

2010-11-07T23:06:00.000-08:00

Hello there!

Thank you for taking the time to find out a little bit about us. We are Kristen (left) and Misty (right). (If you were to ask Misty, she is always right). After four wonderful years together, we are at the point in our lives where we are ready to start a family, and look forward to bringing a child into our lives. We both have an immense love for children and want nothing more than to enter the world of parenthood!

Misty is an Engineer at a consulting firm close to our house. Misty is shy and introverted, especially in large social settings, but once she gets to know you she comes out of her shell. She is very patient, trusting, and always sees the good in every situation. (Even when Kristen makes us late because she can’t find the earrings that she is already wearing!) Misty has a great sense of humor and always has a smile on her face. She is highly creative and artistic. She is the type of person that you can always count on.

Kristen has worked as a consultant in the automotive field for the last 10 years. Kristen has a way of putting a smile on anyone’s face. She is at ease in large social settings, and has an uncanny ability to make friends. She is quick witted, outgoing, caring, and creative. She is always the first to volunteer when someone needs a hand. (Unless it is to do the dishes!) She is also a master of the Wii. (Yes, she wrote that last part).

Together we love to experience everything that the area has to offer, from taking walks on the beach to watching live sports, and even just having a great meal on the waterfront. We both like to stay active and you can usually find one of us, if not both, playing co-ed softball, soccer, or flag football. Or, if the weather is bad, we are inside having a friendly competition on the Wii. Kristen is Mario Kart Champion of the House (Yes, she wrote that also). We both love to travel and take a much needed vacation together at least once a year. Our favorite place to be is relaxing on the beach with our toes in the sand, and we’re excited to have a little one to build sand castles with!

We live in a small city in Washington State. Our neighborhood is a very diverse one, made up of young families, long term older residents, and even a few “mini mansions.” We live within walking distance to playgrounds, parks, soccer fields, and even a lake. We have a large backyard, and plenty of room for kids to run around. We have the perfect house for entertaining, and usually host several BBQs during the summer months.

We are both lucky enough to live within driving distance from most of our family. Misty’s parents live 3 hours away and visit quite often. Misty has two brothers, one of whom lives very close by; the other lives in the town where they grew up. Kristen’s parents live 30 minutes away on a farm, complete with horses, ducks, ATV trails, and acres to run around on. Kristen’s family is very large and extended (7 brothers). Her oldest brother has 3 little girls (6mo, 2, & 7). They live close and we love to take them on excursions around the city to museums, the zoo, parks, and anywhere else that we think will put a smile on their face or a new wrinkle in their mind. Most of our friends are starting families of their own, and we can’t wait for sleepovers and birthday parties.

We have been blessed with good health, financial stability, a strong sense of family, and friends that we can count on. We believe in providing an environment in which a child may develop a true sense of self, and we want to be able to support him or her in whatever path he or she chooses to take. From music (Kristen played the clarinet, albeit not that well), to sports (we both lettered in HS), to whatever his or her interests may be. We hope to help guide the child on a path that will be filled with love, safety, and security. We are humbled by the opportunity to become adoptive parents. We look forward to welcoming not only a child, but their birthparents into our extended family.

Welcome to our Journey in Open Adoption

2010-11-07T23:03:00.000-08:00

I have never been good at keeping up with any type of blog or journal, but I felt the need to document our journey through the Open Adoption Process. We chose to go through an agency instead of a private adoption lawyer. The agency we chose was Open Adoption & Familly Services (OAFS). We chose them for many reasons; 1) they truly believe in open adoption 2) they are local 3) they are gay friendly 4) we really enjoyed the people and 5) I feel they put enough hurdles in the way that it weeds out the prospective parents who may not be truly committed. They were the agency that sex columnist, and Seattle local, Dan Savage and his partner used to adopt their son (as documented in his book "The Kid").

As it stands now we have jumped through many hurdles of our own. The steps we have completed so far.

1) The informational meeting.
2) The pre-adoption mandatory meeting
3) The background check
4) The paperwork! (Which includes; the autobiography, the dear Birth Parent letter, and photo collage)
5) The writing of progressively larger checks ($$$)
6) Finally entering the Waiting Pool
7) Attending "waiting" family meetings
8) The waiting........(current process)

It has been a process, but one that I am very proud to have began. We are doing this for the right reasons, and hope to begin our family very soon. We have been filling our time with sports (soccer!) and family. We have tried to steer clear from getting the house too far ready for baby, but can't help the urges to nest. It makes the process that much real. It is also a large possibility that we may be given a "last minute placement". Which is basically when you get a call from the hospital that a mother has chosen you and you need to come NOW!

That sentence right there, scares Misty. Mosty because she freaks out over not being ready. But between our amazing friends we have already obtained most of what we need to be prepared. And admittingly we have already partially prepared our nursery. We painted the nursery based on one of our friends daughter's (Mackenzie) favorite book. It is "Thats not my Monkey" Green. Or at least thats what it has been nicknamed. Mackenzie's mom, Gretchen (aka one of my bffs) provided us with a changing table and rocker. Misty's mom is buying the crib (once we finally agree on one!) and my family has given us so many baby items that the garage is overfilling! We are prepared. I blame Misty, she was a scout.

So that is our backstory. And now you will see the rest of the story. Hopefully this journey will be filled with smiles, tears of joy, and happiness very soon.